#I am always saying Lupin should cherish Jigen so here's a fic where he finally and unabashedly does

[the-golden-ghost]

For the First and Last, no.24? o w o

24. First/Last Secrets

~~~

I chose Lupjig because I'm weak and I love them. The first part takes place in the Early Gang Days, shortly before Lupin decides to fake his death for the first time.

The second part takes place in the Late Gang Days, a little before the events in Castle of Cagliostro.

I hope you enjoy!

~~~

“Ammunition?”

“Yep.”

“Getaway car?”

“Yep.”

“Getaway chopper?”

“Absolutely. Grappling hooks, smokescreens, personal flotation devices?”

“Everything.”

“So it’s all in order?”

Lupin and Jigen were running down their checklist of all they’d need for tomorrow’s job. This one was going to be wild, and dangerous, but they were ready for it, even if there was a very real possibility that one of them may not survive.

In fact, in Lupin’s case, it was a certainty. The one where Lupin III, in all his unsavory glory, finally joined the world of the dead! Sometime tomorrow, the grappling hooks he’d been in charge of would fail, and he’d fall fifty feet down into a steel trap laid out for him by one of the world’s most notorious leaders of the criminal underground, and from there on out, nothing would ever be the same.

A year ago it would have been hilarious. Now, it still was, but he had to admit he had some misgivings. Mostly because he’d spent a year assembling this team, and against his better judgement, well...

He was glad Fujiko was on the other side of the world in Dubai where she wouldn’t have to see, and he was glad that he’d summoned Goemon, even if in truth he could have done this without him. He’d considered sparing Goemon too, until he realized that once the heist failed as planned, Jigen would have to stagger back to the hideout alone.

Lupin could not do that, not to him.

Looking over at Jigen now, Lupin tried to imagine what his reaction would be. Maybe he’d handle it well. Jigen was a pretty tough bastard and he’d had his share of suffering so maybe this would just be another knock for him. Maybe he’d shake it off easy and walk away like the past year hadn’t happened. Maybe his heart wouldn’t break. Maybe Lupin didn’t mean as much to him as he’d come to mean to Lupin.

Maybe everything would be okay and he could go on and be happy, somehow.

“You’re kinda quiet,” Jigen said, flopping down on the couch and lighting a cigarette. Goemon was sitting close by, deep in meditation but in reality, probably listening intently. “Usually you’re talkin’ my ear off about how great it’s gonna be.”

“It’s gonna be great, Jigen!” Lupin said, giving his best smile. He hoped it was more convincing than it felt.

A year ago Jigen had joined up with him, drawing away from kind gestures and bristling up at anything other than cool professionalism. It had taken Lupin months to coax him out of that dreary, guarded state, but by God, Jigen knew how to smile, and how to laugh, and even how to sing when he set his mind to it.

True, he was still a grouchy, wary alcoholic but he didn’t flinch anymore when Lupin touched him and he would joke back and forth with him all night without clamming up in sudden fear that Lupin would tell him he’d gone too far and retaliate with cruelty.

And now Lupin was going to wipe himself off the map and send Jigen back into the world that had made him that way in the first place. All that effort, gone. So yeah, he had a couple of misgivings.

If he’d had time... if he could have primed Jigen better, maybe he could have let him in on it and trusted him to follow through, but...

“You sure you’re okay?” Jigen asked. “You nervous?”

“Are you?”

“Maybe a little,” Jigen said with a shrug. “What about you, Goemon? Are you nervous?”

“No.” Goemon probably wasn’t, in all honesty.

“Hey,” Jigen said. “We’re gonna be fine,” he was looking at Lupin when he said it, and it almost was enough to kill Lupin then and there, because in the year they’d been together he couldn’t recall even one time Jigen tried to offer comfort. He’d come so damn far, and now this.

“You think I don’t know that?” Lupin scoffed. “You must think I’m losing my touch.”

He’d be losing a lot more than that, though, before it was over.

~~~

Lupin usually slept pretty well. Oh, sure, he’d stay up a few nights before a job prepping, or he’d be on high alert when they were being tailed, but otherwise he’d always prided himself in his ability to shake his troubles off and sleep through the night unhindered.

Lately though his thoughts tended to nag at him and keep him staring at the ceiling long into the night.

Jigen was beside him because Jigen was always beside him. Tonight he was snoring. And usually that sound was a comforting one to Lupin, a sure sign of safety. If Jigen could rest easy, then there was definitely nothing to fear.

Lately, Jigen had been resting easy a lot, but Lupin had been having troubles.

He sat up, stared out the window for a long while, and then turned back to look at his partner. Same old Jigen, drowsing with his hat pulled over his face. But he wasn’t the same. Lupin remembered the sharp-eyed, rawboned man he’d allied with more than a decade ago. A rangy, callous sharpshooter with a quick hand and a quicker tongue who nevertheless had stuck close to Lupin like a burr and wormed his way into his life.

And now? Now Lupin would always think of Jigen foremost as a warm, steady man with a rough disposition and a soft heart. The years had changed him physically - adding lines to his face and scars to his skin, most of which Lupin had been there to bear witness to. His body had filled out over time, too, leaving him looking stronger and healthier than Lupin could ever remember.

Lupin sighed. Jigen had a lot of life left in him to take him wherever he wanted to go. But he didn’t know if the same was true for himself. And he wanted sometimes to say it - to just voice it aloud so there was no question. That he’d never planned to live past his youth, but the years had caught up with him and somehow, it had just... happened.

He was still planning how to die. But now, more and more, it was looking like it would have to be for real. No more playacting, no more dress rehearsals or bait and switches that left everyone guessing. One last stand and it would be over.

Surely it would be easy? It couldn’t hurt more than anything else Lupin had ever done. And after that, nothing at all.

He’d have to make it perfect, though.

The thing that got to him was that after all this he didn’t want to leave Jigen behind. Goemon would be okay. He still joined up with them when they called, but he’d been spending less and less time with them - he stuck around for the jobs, but between them, he was barely around. And he hadn’t seen Fujiko in months. She was okay, he was sure, and they’d meet again, but...

He missed them both.

Jigen was still here, though. And he didn’t show signs of leaving. He’d be the one to bury Lupin, Lupin was pretty certain of that, and he’d do it well, giving him all the honors befitting a thief and a swindler and a beloved partner and friend.

But then what?

Lupin could imagine Jigen striking off alone and purposeless, all that life still in him but nothing to do with it now. He pictured him just wandering, falling slowly back into his old bad habits until the years shed from him and he joined Lupin in death, reverted back to the same bitter man he’d been when they first met.

And Lupin tried to tell himself no, that would never happen. Jigen is stronger than that.

But he remembered that he’d stopped faking his death a few years ago, after the two of them had stood and watched Goemon be killed right in front of them. It was a cruel trick, and Goemon was alive and well to this day, but Lupin had never seen Jigen truly break before and for the first time in his life he thought he was going to lose both his partners for good.

When Goemon returned Lupin had made an uneasy joke about how Jigen would never have mourned like that for him, and Goemon just shook his head.

“You have no idea.”

So...

It wasn’t even that Lupin really wanted to die. That was the truth of it. He didn’t want to die, but he didn’t know how to go on living. He’d always promised himself he wouldn’t die a boring, pointless death and if he allowed himself to grow old and doddering and just... withered away in a hospital room somewhere... what would the point have been?

He just wanted it all to have some bigger meaning. Maybe it was an impossible wish. Maybe the best he could do was say he changed a few lives and made a few headlines and would die loved.

Someday.

Lupin lay back down and snuggled right up next to his partner. He needed some sleep, and after all, even if the clock felt like it was winding down, there were still some adventures to be had.

And time, thankfully, to choose what the world had in store for them.