#I am in the early stages of recovering from major abdominal surgery

[devilsunsets]

my mom: *makes herself angry at something, rants to me about it, tells me to my face I caused her to rant because she’s angry me + my brothers don’t share her exact same opinions and christian faith and how I’m a bully for telling her not to read things that she knows will upset her, and I shouldn’t tell her things she already knows even though she did exactly the opposite to my advice* my mom two hours later: I wish my kids lived near me I don’t know what I did to make you all so different and live far away.

[phalloplastyaustralia]

8.5 weeks post op

Check up today with Gooseman at 8.5 weeks post-op RFF phalloplasty. He was super impressed with how my arm is healing. Everything else is healing well for the most part, besides a few little things. The scar on the underside of my penis has been pretty tight, particularly towards the base. I’ve been aware of this for weeks and have been massaging it with vitamin e and using silicone gel on it, which he wants me to continue doing. He said that the scar around the actual base of my penis is tight as well, which I truly hadn’t given much thought to and assumed it was normal, but that’s because I only have my only experience to base it off, where as he has everyone elses to compare to. He said that the tightness is causing it all to ‘sit a bit high’, which I assume was in reference to my junk that still sits below my penis, including my existing penis. This means that when he pulls my penis up and towards my abdomen, it pulls a lot on my existing penis. This is uncomfortable, BUT it works in my favour when it comes to wanking - I can basically tug gently on my penis and it’s enough to achieve orgasm. At present I will usually alternate between this and stimulating my existing dick, but I do believe I could achieve orgasm by tugging only on my dick, but I’ve still been a bit too anxious to do this, purely due to not wanting to compromise any of the healing process/long-term aesthetic outcome.

My primary concern has been about narrowing at the base, which has consumed a lot of my time the last few weeks. It’s certainly not overly noticeable or significant, but when you’ve forked out as much as I have on a penis, you’ll nitpick the tiniest things. Goossen thinks that the tightening of the incision could be contributing to this, but did acknowledge that I am “less full” and “a bit flatter” at the base, but he’s not concerned about it. Classic. He said that once everything is sitting properly (with implants), as well as when erect, it won’t be an issue. He also mentioned something about the tightness at the base contributing to this? But I don’t remember the specifics. 

He appeared very impressed with where my sensation is at. I had convinced myself that I read somewhere that left donor would result in more sensitivity on the right side, and vice versa. Then I was told that the hook up is done on the left and that I would likely experience more sensation on the left. I asked him about this today (whether the hook up was down on the left) and he didn’t confirm/deny this and explained how they try to hook as many nerves up, etc. and basically that there’s no rule of thumb for where you will or won’t experience certain sensations. He said that typically people will experience one side with more erotic than the other and more tactile on another side. 

At present, I have extremely strong sensation on the right hand side, slightly less strong sensation down the left, about 1.5-2inches along the incision on the underside up from the base at a lesser intensity, and then fairly dull (by dull, I mean I need to apply significantly more pressure to feel the sensation and it’s not as intense) along the top of my penis until about half an inch of so from the tip, where I feel nothing. Along the right side, all I have to do is run my finger very lightly down the shaft to feel this. Along the left snd on the underside I have to apply slightly more pressure. On the top, I’ve experienced the sensation for a few weeks if I flick it, but within the last week I am starting to feel it more if I rub my finger rapidly on it with a little nit of pressure. This is all displaced sensation, which I feel in my existing penis. At present it’s not a pleasant, good, sexy time feeling, but will be once it settles. Currently it feels like someone is stabbing a pin into the head of my existing penis (which iis great if that’s your thing, but I find it unpleasant. However I always do it, as it’s nice being able to make that connection between my penis and my brain and feeling it as something that exists as a part of my body). At present, I have no tactile sensation. However due to the intensity of the sensation I do have, I am very aware if something hits my penis. 

At this stage, I’m booked for February 6th 2020 for stage 2. I had the option of November 21st, but with how close it is to Christmas and the closure period for Goossen and his staff, I chose to push it back. If I were to experience and issues with the hookup, I would go home with an SPC over Christmas until he returns. And as ridiculous as it might sound to some, I really wanna be able to swim over the summer. This also gives me some additional time to recover from stage 1 and for any issues with the scar tightness to settle as much as possible. As well as get back in shape after my stage 1 sedentary life and subsequent weight gain, and save a bit of extra money. As much as I want stage 2 as soon as possible, I think that this is the most sensible thing to do for numerous reasons. I figure that I’ve waited this long, I’m sure I can wait an extra 2 months. 

I’m back up to see him again at the end of September to check on everything again, and I presume I’ll head back up again early 2020 to check everything before we go ahead with stage 2. 

I am also allowed to run now, provided that everything is “packed firmly” and “well supported”.

I have a little ‘bobble’ sorta thing at the end of one of the incisions on my butt, which has been rather tender and painful. Goossen said it could be a stitch or scar tissue, and if it doesn’t resolve itself by the time I have stage 2, he will revise it. Butt is still tender when seated for long periods and/or bad seating. Still some tightness in the backs of my legs, but nothing that is too bothersome. 

My arm is hopefully on the homestretch. I’m still dressing it with MepitelOne, and will continue to do so until I’m fully healed and can switch to silicone sheets. The few little problem areas look like they have improved since Thursday when the dressings were last changed. Fingers crossed that when I go back to the hand therapist next week, I’ll either be healed enough to go dressing free, or very close to it. I try to touch it quite regularly over the top of the dressings (rubbing, patting, scratching, etc. to adjust to the sensation). 

As a bit of a related sidebar, I kinda wanted to touch on the arm and the scarring, etc. The significance of the arm graft was something that I had a really hard time swallowing when I first looked at RFF a good decade or so ago. Despite being a weird body part to like, my forearms are probably the only part of my body I do like, and the thought of altering one of them so drastically always terrified me. Because most of the information about RFF has typically been out of the states, I had no idea that the donor site would be replaced with a full thickness from the butt until my consult (why the states haven’t caught up yet is beyond me, truly). Despite already having made the decision to have RFF, this was a game changer for me. And honestly, if I didn’t have tattoos that were compromised when the flap was lifted that make it very obvious that my arm has undergone a major surgical procedure, I don’t think the end result would bother me much at all. It sits SO FLUSH that once my wrist swelling goes down, it will be totally seamless. I know that the conspicuous scarring is a huge deterrent for a lot of people, and I very much understand that, but I think it’s important that people understand that what you see online from guys in the states is NOT what your arm will look like if you have surgery with Goossen. I’m not here to shame or make comments about peoples choices to pursue ALT, abdominal, meta or any other alternative procedure, but I think it’s important that people aren’t scared off by misinformation. This is not to say that guys who have had RFF in the states have lesser or subpar results as due to the use of the split thickness.

TLDR; healing well, few super minor relatively non-issue things that will hopefully sort themselves out, arm looks great, sensation is great, Dr Goossen is the love of my life, shoutout to the under appreciated but equally amazing and skilled Dr Ingram, life with a (bigger) penis is wild and worth every cent, stage 2 booked for Feb 6th 2020, don’t take everything you see on the internet as bible. Gravy.

[loadingluke]

4 months post op stage 1 RFF phalloplasty

Hey all, last week I hit 4 months post op, so I thought it was about time for my monthly update. At 4 months I’m well and truly done with recovery and I don’t really have any issues to report. As usual I’ll be splitting my update into parts so it’s easier to understand!

ARM

My arm is fully healed, and is looking better and better over time. I am still dealing with the hyperpigmentation but it is coming along so I have faith in time it will fade more. I’ve been massaging my arm once or twice a day (mainly once a day, I’ve definitely been slacking 😬) with a blend of vitamin e oil and castor oil and I’ve definitely preferred that to lotions/creams. I’m also still using ungvita cream, but the smell really bothers me so I probably only use it every few days. I don’t really have a set system, I just massage it with what I want when I remember to or when it is feeling tight or dry.

I have been using my custom fitted TSL sleeve for the last few weeks, and at the moment it’s definitely too early to tell if it was worth it. It was about 240 dollars which is obviously pretty expensive but I have found it definitely makes my arm look better and the silicone imbedded has been really convenient, and is definitely lasting longer than the silicone sheets. It’s super tight and that definitely works to flatten my scar, and I’ve definitely noticed a huge improvement when I started wearing it consistently every night. My only issue with it is that the zip is very tight and often cuts into the top of my hand which can become very uncomfortable over several hours. Because of this, I’ve woken myself up on more than one occasion at like 5am, and, in my half asleep daze, removed it completely before promptly falling back asleep. I’m hoping in time it will loosen up a bit and this won’t be as much of an issue- and if not I’m planning on contacting them to fix it up. At the moment I’m using some toilet paper folded up as a bit of a buffer between the zip and my skin and that does help a little, but it has been quite annoying. I’ll keep everyone updated with how it’s all going if anything changes.

I’ve had a few situations where my arm has been exposed to other people, mainly when I forget to wear my sleeve to work. I’ve had a few looks but honestly not as much as I expected. I tend to keep it covered for my personal preference though, but it’s nice to know that on the off chance I don’t cover it it’s not the end of the world.

Function is doing well, I would say it’s back to normal function. I haven’t encountered any issues or weakness. My donor arm does feel different to my other arm though, as though I’m always wearing a sleeve if that makes sense. It doesn’t bother me, I’m definitely used to it. I sometimes notice that my hand is a little more swollen on my donor side compared to my other hand, but it’s not noticeable and hasn’t caused an issue and is usually only after several hours of lifting boxes at work.

PENIS

Nothing really to report. Sensation is doing well, I would say I have at least some sensation on at least 60% of the phallus, most of which being on the left side. The right side is still pretty numb, but I do occasionally feel some sensation if I touch certain spots. The top and bottom of my phallus has more patchy sensation which is on majority of it, and it feels like how the left side felt about a month ago so I’m hopeful that in time it will catch up. I’m very happy with the amount I can feel so far and that it’s continuing to change and evolve. This month I’ve noticed that I can feel my underwear and pants moving against my phallus, which has been really cool. It’s definitely been helpful gaining more sensation and feeling it day to day as it really reminds me that it is a part of me. I spent a lot of time almost babying it and seeing it all as very medicalised, for example having to put dressings on it, making sure it’s all healing okay and everything. Because of that, it was kind of hard to imagine it as just a part of my body, and this month it definitely feels more like that. I’m all healed up, it’s just there, it’s attached, and I can feel it, and that feels amazing.

Electrolysis is getting more and more uncomfortable which is both great and terrible! I’m trying to smash out as much as I can before stage 2 (and before I gain more sensation) so I’m doing about an hour a week. It’s expensive and awkward, but I know it will be worth it. I’ll probably have to finish up in about a month to make sure everything is all fine before stage 2, but I’ll find out more at my pre op on Tuesday.

I’m flushing my urethra every few days. With the change of season and it being quite cold in Melbourne I’ve definitely noticed a lot less discharge which has been pleasant. Flushing is all normal, no fistulas or tightness to report, but Goossen will confirm if all is good on Tuesday.

OTHER INCISIONS

All my other incisions are fading and healing as expected. I stopped putting fixomull on my butt and abdominal incisions at about 3.5 months, mainly because I couldn’t really be bothered. I’ve not noticed any stretching or colour change so I don’t think it’s really necessary at this point. I'm officially dressing free! weew!

MENTAL

Mentally I’ve been up and down this month. Being the first month since surgery that I’ve been completely recovered and not having to focus on any healing at all has made me really take note of what I’m doing with my time this year. For those of you who don’t know, I put my plans to study this year on hold to pursue surgery, as I knew if I chose to study this year I would be incredibly stressed and preoccupied with recovery. Although I do stand by my decision, it has been rough recently. I look around at most of my friends and I feel like I’m falling behind them, and that I’m running out of time. Logically I know that that’s completely ridiculous, but I’ve always been a very goal oriented person and without something to consistently work on this year I feel like I’m going a little mad. I’ve started studying for the GAMSAT this September (I’ll be just shy of 6 weeks post op, wish me luck 😬) so I have that to focus on, but I do feel like I am wasting a lot of my time. Furthermore, I’m also majority stealth I feel like I can’t really talk about this with most of my friends, which has been incredibly isolating. I’ve definitely appreciated the support from my friends who are aware of what happened, and I have felt super supported during this process don’t get me wrong, but I’ve just been feeling a little meh at certain points this month.

Speaking of being stealth, another thing that has been difficult for me in recovery is having so much of my life revolve around me being trans. For the last 3+ years at least this has been something I’ve kept incredibly private and not really had to think about (excluding the crippling dysphoria of course). I went from having one doctor appointment to get my T shot every 3 or so months to biweekly appointments with multiple health care professionals and a lot more people staring at my genitals than anyone would ever really want. I'm happy to be on the tail end of it all, but it has left me quite exhausted and very much over being trans lol. It definitely was quite overwhelming and not really something I thought I'd need to prepare for. It really hasn't been the end of the world or anything, but it has been weird and exhausting having my transness being so to the forefront of my life after many years of lying dormant.

It has definitely not all been bad though, I am so bloody grateful I have had this surgery and every negative has a million positives. I wake up every morning so so grateful. I can actually function now. I can walk around without a little voice in the back of my head reminding me of what is or isn’t there, and I can look down at my body without wanting to cry. I’ve spent more time than I’d like to admit just looking down because I’m just so so happy with how it all looks, and I’m so euphoric about it all! I’ve never felt this good in my body ever, and I’m enjoying this new comfort and security that I wasn’t expecting to ever have. My dysphoria, although still present, is a lot easier to deal with than it was before surgery, and it’s nice knowing that a lot of my dysphoria will be rectified in future ops. I’m looking forward with a lot of hope.

As always, feel free to ask any questions you may have down below. I’ll make another post after my pre op on Tuesday :)

[maldonadohoward]

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[phooll123]

tumor removed from Connecticut woman

POSTED 9:42 AM, MAY 5, 2018, BY CNN WIRE, UPDATED AT 09:58AM, MAY 5, 2018

Ovarion tumor removed.mp4

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CONN. -- A 132-pound ovarian tumor was removed from a 38-year-old Connecticut woman this year, according to two doctors 

CONN. -- A 132-pound ovarian tumor was removed from a 38-year-old Connecticut woman this year, according to two doctors involved in the case.

The patient, who wished to remain anonymous, reported that the tumor began growing at a rate of about 10 pounds per week in November. A medical team, including 12 surgeons, removed it in a five-hour procedure February 14 at Danbury Hospital in Connecticut, according to Dr. Vaagn Andikyan, a gynecologic oncologist for Western Connecticut Health Network and a lead surgeon on the case. "During the surgery, we removed this gigantic tumor that originated from her left ovary. We removed her left ovary, her left (fallopian) tube, and we removed the affected peritoneal tissue that was adhering to the ovary," Andikyan said. The tumor originated in the epithelial cells lining the ovary and was "mucinous," meaning it was filled with a gelatin-like substance produced by the tumor cells, according to Andikyan. "Ovarian mucinous tumors tend to be big," he said. "But tumors this big are exceedingly rare in the literature. It may be in the top 10 or 20 tumors of this size removed worldwide." Although the tumor was technically benign, or noncancerous, and had not spread outside the ovary, it was compressing nearby blood vessels and was therefore a threat to the patient's life, according to Dr. Linus Chuang, chairman of obstetrics and gynecology for Western Connecticut Health Network, who was also involved in the case. "There were a lot of issues related to this very large tumor in the abdomen. She can't eat, she can't walk, and there are problems related to potential complications with this large mass compressing the venous system," Chuang said. "She was at very high risk of developing blood clots because of compression of the blood flow." Mucinous ovarian tumors make up about 15% of all ovarian tumors and are notorious for being among the largest types of tumors known. Approximately 80% are benign, according to a 2013 study. One of the largest tumors ever taken out of a human was a 303-pound ovarian tumor removed at Stanford Hospital in 1991, according to a 1994 report. In the newly reported case, physicians removed the 132-pound tumor as well as 6 pounds of abdominal wall tissue and excess skin that had been stretched by the tumor. The doctors also had to reconstruct the patient's abdomen, which had become disfigured due to the mass, according to Chuang. "The abdomen was so pushed out that there were a lot of problems with the abdominal wall," he said. "So Dr. Andikyan had to consult a plastic surgeon to do reconstructive surgery afterwards." When the patient first met with the doctors at Danbury Hospital, she was severely malnourished and could not walk due to leg swelling and the weight of the tumor. She needed to use a wheelchair to get around, according to Andikyan. "When I first walked into the examination room, I found this 38-year-old malnourished patient with a weight of 350 pounds and extensive tumor that was about 100 centimeters [39 inches] large. I saw fear in the patient's eyes. She was so hopeless, because she had seen several other doctors, and they were unable to help her," Andikyan said. "Her legs were so swollen that she was unable to walk. I've seen leg swelling, but I've never seen leg swelling of this magnitude," he added. During the procedure, an anesthesiologist and cardiologist also worked to maintain the patient's blood pressure, particularly when the tumor was lifted off of the patient's major blood vessels. "As soon as we starting removing the tumor, the blood pressure of the patient started dropping. So cardiology and the anesthesia team was able to adjust intraoperative management to support her heart and lungs to be able to continue with surgery," Andikyan said. The physicians were able to save the patient's uterus and right ovary, meaning she can still bear children if she chooses, according to Andikyan. "The good part about this story is, we were able to save her reproductive organs," he said. "As of right now, she's not interested in having more children, but she wanted to have the opportunity, and we were very careful to avoid damage to underlying reproductive organs." Now, almost three months since the surgery, the patient is recovering well and has returned to work as a teacher. "We wanted to let people know, but we wanted to wait until the patient was really doing well in the postoperative period. And it's been three months, and she's really doing great," Chuang said. "Luckily, she did not require any additional treatment. She's back to a normal life, she's back to work, and when I saw her in my office, I saw smiles, I saw hope, and I saw a happy woman who is back to her normal life and her family," Andikyan added. The doctors also want to encourage women to see their physicians if they have any symptoms of an ovarian mass. Those may include abdominal or pelvic pain, bloating, feeling the need to urinate often, and menstrual changes not related to menopause, according to the National Ovarian Cancer Coalition. "If there's any complaining about stomach fullness or discomfort or indigestion, it's really important to bring it to the attention of your doctor or health care provider," Chuang said. Although ovarian tumors and cancer aren't the most common cancer in women, Chuang had this warning: "It is a very deadly cancer if it's not diagnosed in the early stage."

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