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arcielee · 2 years ago

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28 and Billy x (my) girlfriend reader? 👉👈

Lyrics // "Scars are fading every day You seem a little more like yourself"

This drabble exists in the same universe as Lazy Sunday, just delving into how they first met. I hope you like it! 💜

It could be said that fate waited to weave Billy into your life, but you have never believed in that sort of thing.

You would say it was purely happenstance that the coffeehouse was hiring after your quarter-life crisis that pushed you to withdraw from your university and live damn-near a nomad for half a year. You had sold most of your belongings to weightlessly flit across Europe, creating a constellation of cities visited until your fundings ran dry.

At first your parents had been empathetic, thrilled even that their prodigal daughter returned to London, and even offered you to stay with them with your promise to enroll and finish your degree. You balked at their proposition, transitioning to flat-out refuse, and instead found your independence at this antique coffeehouse and a newfound passion for creating artwork in microfoam, with a natural skill that you quickly became renowned for.

This was how you met Billy.

He moved as if he did not wish to draw any attention to himself, but your eyes noticed him, his long and lithe frame, and how he needed to dip to pass through the door to enter. There was an awkward grace with his gate as he moved towards the till, a flush staining his skin and the glisten of perspiration from a long day that was coppering his disheveled sandy locks, curling onto his brow and the back of his neck; there was a matching mess of stubble across his angular jaw.

Despite the shop’s display to showcase your niche talent, he still quietly asked for a flat black.

You watched him, your skepticism tucked away behind your now mastered customer-service-smile, as his slender fingers rummaged to pull out three £1 and one 50p coins that clanged onto the wood countertop.

He then sat at the end of the bar, solemn and quiet, stirring in seven sugar packets and sipping gingerly. Your eyes would return to him and his morose air; there was something heavy on his wiry shoulders and it seemed to hunch him over his mug.

In truth, he was kind of pitiful, and it tugged at your heart in such a way that when he finished his cup, you were quick to refill it without him even asking. It was then that he properly met with your gaze and that was the first time you saw his brilliant blue eyes that almost glittered under the fluorescent lighting. His lips curled with his soft smile when he thanked you.

You could not help your smile in return.

He came back until it was habitual, always near the end of the day, the end of your shift, to a point that you found yourself making a fresh pot so the coffee would be warm and ready for his arrival. Billy–as you learned his name–showed himself to be an open book with any question you dared, and you enjoyed his low cadence as he shared about his life decisions that inevitably brought him here.

The shame burned bright from him and your hand seemed so small when you reached across to lay it on top of his own, a light touch, your thumb drawing small circles. Billy was flustered with the gesture, his rose coloring bringing a new tensity so his eyes were now the same cerulean that stretched over a cloudless summer sky.

“Why are you so nice to me still?” The conflict played across his sharp features, his obvious want for a connection but his own skepticism of your genuineness.

You offered a small smile. “I like you, Billy,” you admitted, squeezing his hand for a moment. You then understood he would never make a move. “Let me finish closing up and I am going to take you to dinner.”

His flush darkened. “I’m still in my work clothes–”

“And I’ll be in mine.” You interrupted with your laugh and his lips quirked in the corners slightly. “It won’t take me very long, wait for me?”

And Billy did, finishing his coffee before pushing away from the bar so you could finish wiping it down. You could feel his eyes on you, brighter now, flitting along with your every movement until you finally stopped to stare back at him, arching an eyebrow to dare him, relishing in the lines that dimplied his cheeks with his shy smile.

You could not help but smile back; in part it was because you did actually like this pitiful boy, but also your quiet realization that the weight Billy had been carrying since he first came in had seemingly lifted from his shoulders on this night.

Spotify Wrapped 2023

#☆ Spotify Wrapped 2023 #billy blushing because he has a crush #billy washington x you #billy washington x reader #billy washington #just some fluff

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clanoffelidae · 3 years ago

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personal, but overall positive! just under a read more bc i have chronic 'cant shut up disease' lol, just about how learning that i have adhd has explained so much and where i am right now on my path to healing from it all

a big part of my life recently has been learning to accept that i dont have much to show for my time

that so many of my friends are doing things and have all these wonderful crafts and skills to show for it

and i have nothing

i have my voice, i have my love for them and encouragement, but i dont have much to hold up next to their work and say 'see, i can make things too!'

because i havent made much

and thats perfectly fine! no one HAS to make things. so long as youre content, thats all that matters

but it can be upsetting because i WANT to make things

i WANT to be able to hold up what ive done next to my friends stuff and say ive made my own things, just like them

ive always wanted to make things, and i still do

but lately ive been having to come to terms with the fact that i havent, and that thats okay

because im still healing

because i went my whole life being praised for being clever and smart and advanced, for getting good grades and earning outstanding scholarships based solely on my academic abilities

and then crying because i couldnt focus on the material for the exam i had in half an hour and that no matter how much i physically forced myself to pay attention to it and tried to read it out loud to myself my brain was refusing to process the information and it was slipping through my fingers like sand

and dealing with this for years, never understanding how everyone else could just hang out and study regularly and i always had to beat my brain black and blue to get it to focus long enough to learn a single thing, thinking it was all my fault because clearly the problem was an inherent flaw in my personality and i was just a lazy and no good person who was immature and would never grow up and that i guess i didnt care because everyone was saying that if i cared id be working on it and i thought i cared an awful lot but they cant all be wrong so i guess i dont actually care about anything because nothing else makes sense...

that i was constantly running on pure adrenaline because that was the only way i was able to accomplish ANYTHING

there was no 'work on it slowly over time'

i'd be spaced out daydreaming, or listening to music while pacing the halls up and down and up and down and up and down for literal hours, from the moment i got off classes to a short break for dinner to right back to it until i forced myself to go to bed

just walking and walking and pacing and pacing and listening to music and daydreaming bc that was the only thing my brain was happy with

and looking back now, my god, i was acting like a tiger whose entire enclosure is a small concrete box three times its body length and so all it can do is pace back and forth and back and forth and back and forth

and by the time i graduated college i was so broken the mere thought of more schooling filled me with sheer dread, where i was so tired and worn down i barely even understood what i was doing anymore, i didnt want anyone to explain the 'why' or the 'how' of what it was they wanted me to do, i just wanted them to tell me what to do and leave me alone because even that was so close to more than i could handle

i couldnt take care of myself and had to be hassled at every turn to accomplish things i NEEDED to do, because they were hard and i couldnt do them until i was practically yelled at

and the thing is that im still doing that

not to the same extent, god no. i actually manage to keep relatively on top of my chores now, ive gotten into the routine of brushing my teeth every day properly, making sure i take a shower and moisturize (to be fair thats mostly because my hands are dry as shit bc i work in a lab lol, so they need lotioning after my shower), taking my meds, forcing myself to always eat SOMETHING at every meal time even if i cant manage what i 'should' eat, and ive started cooking again

not much, and its rare that i even extend my reach from 'grilled cheese' to 'boxed foods that require like 20-30 minutes instead of 5', but im starting to make food again and feed myself properly instead of either buying premade meals or just hoping i dont drop dead from whatever im hastily scarfing down with no thought to the nutritional value of it

im working on getting medicated and slowly learning how to be a person again after crashing myself so hard i think the only reason i didnt contemplate something more extreme is because i nearly died in 2019 and will never take one moment for granted

but my primary free time activity is still pacing and listening to music, lost in my own head and wearing a path into my apartment's floor

(hey im getting my steps in lol)

but i understand why now, and i understand why it can be so hard for me to pull myself away from that and make myself do other things

(if i were an ancient being i think i would be the one who walks endlessly without rest while softly singing a neverending song)

and that its not my fault, its not something wrong with me as a person in terms of my own personality or maturity or how hard im trying, its not something i can really control

and that part of learning how to heal from the damage its caused me is learning how to forgive myself for it

and so no i dont have much to show for my time, no i dont have many hobbies or little crafts to show for how productive i am and all my thoughts and all the wonderful little things i can and want to make

im too busy healing and remembering what its like to be alive

if i get one or two little things done here and there over the course of a few months that i can hold up and say 'look!!! i made something!!!' then thats wonderful, if not, if i come out those months with nothing to show for it and all i can say is 'i fed myself and brushed my teeth and went to bed on time and did my chores' then by god that is so much more than i wouldve been able to say a year and a half ago

no im not much of a 'content creator', even if i have so many ideas and want to make so many things that i want to share with so many people

and thats okay

because ive got something else that needs my time and energy right now

edit: want to clarify that by 'not something i can control' i mean that while i can find tricks and ways to make things easier to work WITH my adhd rather than against it i cant help having it and i cant help the fact that my brain is now wired differently because of it and that i cant do things in the same way as everyone else as a result

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dfroza · 4 years ago

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Today’s reading from the ancient book of Proverbs and book of Psalms

for August 19 of 2021 with Proverbs 19 and Psalm 19, accompanied by Psalm 61 for the 61st day of Astronomical Summer and Psalm 81 for day 231 of the year (now with the consummate book of 150 Psalms in its 2nd revolution this year)

[Proverbs 19]

[Wisdom Exalted]

It’s better to be honest, even if it leads to poverty,

than to live as a dishonest fool.

The best way to live is with revelation-knowledge,

for without it, you’ll grow impatient and run right into error.

There are some people who ruin their own lives

and then blame it all on God.

Being wealthy means having lots of “friends,”

but the poor can’t keep the ones they have.

Perjury won’t go unpunished,

and liars will get all that they deserve.

Everyone wants to be close to the rich and famous,

but a generous person has all the friends he wants!

When a man is poor, even his family has no use for him.

How much more will his “friends” avoid him—

for though he begs for help, they won’t respond.

Do yourself a favor and love wisdom.

Learn all you can,

then watch your life flourish and prosper!

Tell lies and you’re going to get caught,

and the habitual liar is doomed.

It doesn’t seem right when you see a fool

living in the lap of luxury

or a prideful servant ruling over princes.

An understanding person demonstrates patience,

for mercy means holding your tongue.

When you are insulted,

be quick to forgive and forget it,

for you are virtuous when you overlook an offense.

The rage of a king is like the roar of a lion,

but his sweet favor is like a gentle, refreshing rain.

A rebellious son breaks a father’s heart,

and a nagging wife can drive you crazy!

You can inherit houses and land from your parents,

but a good wife only comes as a gracious gift from God!

Go ahead—be lazy and passive.

But you’ll go hungry if you live that way.

Honor God’s holy instructions

and life will go well for you.

But if you despise his ways and choose your own plans,

you will die.

Every time you give to the poor you make a loan to the Lord.

Don’t worry—you’ll be repaid in full for all the good you’ve done.

Don’t be afraid to discipline your children

while they’re still young enough to learn.

Don’t indulge your children or be swayed by their protests.

A hot-tempered man has to pay the price for his anger.

If you bail him out once,

you’ll do it a dozen times.

Listen well to wise counsel

and be willing to learn from correction

so that by the end of your life

you’ll be known for your wisdom.

A person may have many ideas concerning God’s plan for his life,

but only the designs of God’s purpose will succeed in the end.

A man is charming when he displays tender mercies to others.

And a lover of God who is poor and promises nothing

is better than a rich liar who never keeps his promises.

When you live a life of abandoned love,

surrendered before the awe of God,

here’s what you’ll experience:

Abundant life. Continual protection.

And complete satisfaction!

There are some people who pretend they’re hurt—

deadbeats who won’t even work to feed themselves.

If you punish the insolent who don’t know any better,

they will learn not to mock.

But if you correct a wise man,

he will grow even wiser.

Children who mistreat their parents

are an embarrassment to their family and a public disgrace.

So listen, my child.

Don’t reject correction

or you will certainly wander from the ways of truth.

A corrupt witness makes a mockery of justice,

for the wicked never play by the rules.

Judgment is waiting for those who mock the truth,

and foolish living invites a beating.

The Book of Proverbs, Chapter 19 (The Passion Translation)

[Psalm 19]

God’s Witnesses

For the Pure and Shining One

A poem of praise by King David, his loving servant

[God’s Story in the Skies]

God’s splendor is a tale that is told,

written in the stars.

Space itself speaks his story

through the marvels of the heavens.

His truth is on tour in the starry vault of the sky,

showing his skill in creation’s craftsmanship.

Each day gushes out its message to the next,

night by night whispering its knowledge to all—

without a sound, without a word, without a voice being heard,

yet all the world can hear its echo.

Everywhere its message goes out.

What a heavenly home God has set for the sun,

shining in the superdome of the sky!

See how he leaves his celestial chamber each morning,

radiant as a bridegroom ready for his wedding,

like a day-breaking champion eager to run his course.

He rises on one horizon, completing his circuit on the other,

warming lives and lands with his heat.

[God’s Story in the Scriptures]

Yahweh’s Word is perfect in every way;

how it revives our souls!

Yahweh’s laws lead us to truth,

and his ways change the simple into wise.

Yahweh’s teachings are right and make us joyful;

his precepts are so pure!

Yahweh’s commands challenge us to keep close to his heart!

The revelation-light of his Word makes my spirit shine radiant.

Yahweh’s decrees are trustworthy.

The fear of Yahweh is pure, enduring forever.

The rarest treasures of life are found in his truth.

That’s why God’s Word is prized like others prize the finest gold.

Sweeter also than honey are his living words—

sweet words dripping from the honeycomb!

For they warn us, your servants,

and keep us from following the wicked way,

giving a lifetime guarantee:

great success to every obedient soul!

How would I discern the waywardness of my heart?

Lord, forgive my hidden flaws whenever you find them.

Keep cleansing me, God,

and keep me from my secret, selfish sins;

may they never rule over me!

For only then will I be free from fault

and remain innocent of rebellion.

So may the words of my mouth, my meditation-thoughts,

and every movement of my heart be always pure and pleasing,

acceptable before your eyes, Yahweh,

my only Redeemer, my Protector.

The Book of Psalms, Poem 19 (The Passion Translation)

[Psalm 61]

God, listen to me shout,

bend an ear to my prayer.

When I’m far from anywhere,

down to my last gasp,

I call out, “Guide me

up High Rock Mountain!”

You’ve always given me breathing room,

a place to get away from it all,

A lifetime pass to your safe-house,

an open invitation as your guest.

You’ve always taken me seriously, God,

made me welcome among those who know and love you.

Let the days of the king add up

to years and years of good rule.

Set his throne in the full light of God;

post Steady Love and Good Faith as lookouts,

And I’ll be the poet who sings your glory—

and live what I sing every day.

The Book of Psalms, Poem 61 (The Message)

[Psalm 81]

For the worship leader. A song of Asaph accompanied by the harp.

Sing with joy to God, our strength, our fortress.

Raise your voices to the True God of Jacob.

Sing and strike up a melody;

sound the tambourine,

strum the sweet lyre and the harp.

Blow the trumpet to announce the new moon,

the full moon, the day of our feast.

For this is prescribed for Israel,

a rule ordained by the True God of Jacob.

A precept established by God in Joseph

during His journey in Egypt.

I hear it said in a language foreign to me:

“I removed the burden from your shoulders;

I removed heavy baskets from your hands.

You cried out to Me, I heard your distress, and I delivered you;

I answered you from the secret place, where clouds of thunder roll.

I tested you at the waters of Meribah.

[pause]

“O My people, hear Me; I will rebuke you.

Israel, Israel! If you would only listen to Me.

Do not surround yourselves with other gods

or bow down to strange gods.

I am the Eternal, your True God.

I liberated you from slavery, led you out from the land of Egypt.

If you open your mouth wide, I will fill it.

“But My own people did not hear My voice!

Israel refused to obey Me.

So I freed them to follow their hard hearts,

to do what they thought was best.

If only My people would hear My voice

and Israel would follow My direction!

Then I would not hesitate to humble their enemies

and defeat their opposition Myself.

Those who hate the Eternal will cower in His presence, pretending to submit;

they secretly loathe Him, yet their doom is forever.

But you—I will feed you the best wheat

and satisfy you with honey out of the rock.”

The Book of Psalms, Poem 81 (The Voice)

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moonraccoon-exe · 8 years ago

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The Chocobros as a performing string quartet (2 violins, 1 viola, and 1 cello).

Are you asking for headcanons, or trying to see if I get triggered for some headcanons, or just suggesting?

Because I’m triggered and sharing headcanons anyway. :’D

Prompto and Noctis at the violins.

Ignis at the viola.

Gladio’s at the cello.

Ignis had started as first violin.

Noctis has always been too lazy to practice with frequency.

No first violin for him.

Plus, he insist he doesn’t want to be spotlight.

So Ignis had taken first violin, and Prompto had started learning with the viola.

Ignis damn masters violin.

But he got tired of Prompto whining every five minutes that “Nobody likes viola.”

Also got tired of Noctis trying to take advantage of his wonderful skills and trying to leave the work of both violins to Ignis.

“For the last time, Noctis, while I can play both parts I cannot do it at once.”

“Not so much of an expert player now, are you?”

Ignis is pretty f*cking mad.

Also got tired of Gladio laughing at Prompto’s every-five-minutes “Nobody likes viola.”

Exhausted when Noctis joined in with jokes about how nobody likes viola and how viola players are unknown.

So Ignis is leaving first violin to get the wonderful harmony pad that is viola.

He f*cking damn adores violas.

They’re not as whiny as violins but not as deep and uncomfortable as cellos.

They be perfect.

Ignis doesn’t understand why “nobody likes violas.”

Goodbye, stress of first violin.

Besides, that’s putting Prompto and Noctis in their place.

Iggy leaving the “biggest” responsibility and giving it to them is taking them out of their comfort zone, so it’s going to be healthy to them, according to him.

Prompto takes first violin, even when Noct started with a little more skill.

…Noct still refuses with all his might to ever take first violin, that’s why.

Gladio with 33 y.o. Gladio’s hair carrying his cello at his back.

Nothing about it, just have the mental image.

He looks SO GOOD.

You don’t ever say “Pachelbel’s Canon” in front of Gladio.

He’s going to either murder you or have a mental breakdown.

“It’s everywhere.”

“It’s following me”

“It’s HELL.”

Have you looked at the cello sheet for that??

Sadly it’s very requested in weddings and graduations.

Cellist Gladio’s going to murder everyone.

He’s rotting in boredom.

He’s playing with this blank expression and dropped the head like he died.

Nooooote….noooote….nooooote….nooooote…nooooote….nooooote…

“Somebody please shove the cello up my ass, I don’t wanna play anymore.”

“IT’S THREE NOTES, PEOPLE, AND I’M DOING IT OVER AND OVER AND OVER AND OVER AN-”

Noctis is always late for rehearsals.

Gladio sometimes has to miss a rehearsal and makes the guys have it moved to another day.

Ignis is on fire out of pure rage whenever ANYTHING interrupts with the schedules.

He LOVES precise schedules. He HATES to move anything about them.

He hates Noctis for arriving late.

He hates Gladio for changing days.

He hates Prompto just…because…he…

Because this needs to be balanced, he can’t show preference for any of the guys, so he hates Prompto too.

He really hates no one, just be patient with him, he’s a cupcake.

Noctis has Ignis do everything about his violin.

Broken string.

“Iggy, repair it.”

Untuned.

“*sigh* Too much work. Iggy, do it.”

Still untuned.

“*sigh* WHY ARE YOU TAKING SO LONG, IGNIS”

“YOUR HIGHNESS, WITH ALL RESPECT, I’M TUNING BOTH INSTRUMENTS AT ONCE, HAVE YOU EVER TRIED TUNING A VIOLA, CAN YOU PLEASE NOT-”

some strings of the arch broken?

“…Iggy.”

Okay, time to rehearse.

“…Ignis, can you-”

“No. I’ve told you multiple times I cannot play both instruments at once and nobody can, sit down and play the goddamn thing.”

Prompto practices often and is a good boy.

But he has flaws too.

Prompto tends to forget his music sheets.

Prompto forgot his music sheets the day they had a presentation.

Prompto’s subtly, secretly reading from Noctis’ lectern.

“It’s not the same notes than in my sheets , ajskslmfdsmk”

Prompto, of course not, it was obvious.

He’s just doing this quicksilver (hah, get it?) light-speed mental process of reading what’s on Noctis’ sheets and then make it two notes higher so he’s making harmony instead of playing the same than him and makes it sound like it’s a practiced song.

You know, that takes one good prepared musician.

Good kid Prompto.

Gladio’s tired of the cellists’ nightmare-

“WOW, that’s a super big violin, hahaha!”

No.

“WOW, that’s one hella big case! Why not something smaller like flute?”

“Sweetie, maybe you prefer smaller things, but I prefer my stuff to be like everything about me. Big. Ridiculously big. Uncomfortably big. Not my fault you can’t handle anything bigger than a flute. ;)”

Gladio, you don’t say that to a 80 y.o. lady.

Gladio makes fun of how long the others take to tune themselves.

But Gladio has faults too.

He tends to forget to secure the spike.

There’s sensual, dark Gladio playing the cello, fingers in vibrato, eyes closed, face drowned in mystery and feelings..

…Wop, he’s not there anymore.

Hahahaha, hope you got that.

Okay but we all should have mercy on Gladio. He’s constantly switching between three clefs (is that spelled correctly, omg, non speaker over here).

Gladio’s constantly forgetting the sheet changed the clef at some point.

Gladio has spent 3 months playing and rehearsing an entirely different thing to the one written there.

Cellist Gladio is curled up in the couch wrapped in a blanket, please bring him ice cream :’(

“ALL THIS PRACTICING FOR NOTHING, I HAVE TO START OVER,, WHY DID IGNIS NEVER POINT IT OUT!?”

Ignis is the devil.

Gladio’s devil you don’t speak about is Pachelbel’s canon,right?

Well, Ignis’ devil you don’t speak about is Ravel’s bolero.

Have you seen the music sheet for viola?

“It’s everywhere.”

“Please do not mention it.”

Ignis is going to set you on fire if you request it.

“We’re a string quartet, not an orchestra.”

“But you can arrange it for string quartet, rig-”

“No.”

IT’S THE SAME NOTES FOR FIFTEEN MINUTES.

Prompto is STILL making fun of violas.

He’s calling it Big Useless Violin.

“Yo, Nocto, I figured how to keep anyone from wanting to steal your violin. Just keep it in a viola case.”

“Violists have a bruise on the neck from the amount of time we spend with the instrument on it. You know where viola players have it? On their thigh.”

(don’t worry, it took me 10 minutes to get that one.)

“Gladio, what’s the difference between a coffin and a viola? The coffin has the dead person on the inside.”

The three are losing their shit.

Ignis is calmly planning their murder.

“Oi, Prompto” it’s Ignis, “that was fantastic, I am so amused. Do you know what a second minor is? You two playing in unison.”

Gladio just left his cello to jump out of his chair screaming OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOH.

“BBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUURN”.

Gladio’s NEVER forgetting that burn.

Prompto stopped the jokes for a week.

He’s retaking them.

Because REALLY NO ONE LIKES VIOLAS, IGNIS.

Okay but

The guys in suits

Playing their respective instruments.

Dear god, anon, the gods BLESS YOUR HEAD.

Have this: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5LPXcLc0ALM

Tried looking for a good XV theme, but, have that one instead. Ya should hear to the end. 2:31 and ahead is one hella AMAZING theme.

Okay, but don’t look at YT, switch to another tab and just mentalize the XV chocobros playing it.

I love this.

GODS, you don’t send me music involved stuff, I LOVE THE HECK OUT OF THAT AND GET SO TRIGGERED.

Thanks, anon!

#string quartet chocobros

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driftinglightofthewoods · 8 years ago

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Value || Drabble

Summary: A not completely chronological yet long drabble about the relationship between Miston’s sister Amathel and her to-be fiance Lagoron.

Characters: Amathel, Lagoron Also mentioned: Sernil, Brasson, Pellam, Kaziel (who belongs to @lacrimosa-magnolia )

“You’ve set me up with… Lagoron?” The captain looked up, brown eyes meeting the bright grey ones of one of her guard members- okay, not just one. Sernil would never deny Amathel’s skill or score as a guard member, but that was beside the point as she watched the dark haired elleth go through various conflicting emotions as she read the roster once more, before turning her head to her captain with wide-eyed confusion. “Why?!” it made absolutely no sense to the tall warrior, “He’s-“ “In the bottom rank, only above two others. He’s unmotivated to the point of being downright lazy and he’s more often found eating our kitchens empty than actually practicing. I am aware of this, Amathel.” “Then why- this is a mistake. You meant to set me up to train with someone else, right? Brasson?” “Clashing egos make a terrible team, Amathel.” “Pellam?” “She would have no say in any decision making, you are too power minded for her.” “Kaziel, then. Please?” Sernil raised an eyebrow, before letting out a small huff of disbelieve. Oh, if only Amathel could just accept a decision from someone else every now and then, that would make the whole situation a lot easier. “No. Kaziel is not technically a bad choice. He’s skilled and devoted, sure- but I guarantee you that your stoic and serious work attitude does not go along with his… somewhat childish nature. Amathel, there’s been no mistake. You’re training with Lagoron, end of discussion. You’re dismissed.” With a loud groan Amathel turned on her heels, stalking out of the study of her captain while grumbling to herself on how ridiculous this whole situation. Out of all people she had to train with Lagoron? Really?! Fine. If that’s what the captain wanted she would show what a useless decision it was. “You!” her voice roared over the training fields, with several elves looking up as they parted to let her through. She stalked right over to Lagoron, who had been sitting on the field casually eating a pear and looking up at her with mild annoyance over being disturbed. “For some reason, our captain has put you as my sparring partner for this month. I am going to prove to her that it was the wrong decision, and that I should be set up with someone else!” He blinked once, taking the last bite of the pear and chewing it slowly before tossing whatever remained over his shoulder, not even giving the slightest indication that he was about to stand up and do anything while their brothers and sisters around them had long decided to return to their own training- and it infuriated Amathel already. “Get up!” “Fine.” He was slightly shorter than her, more lean in build than her muscular frame- it was actually rather amazing that an elf who ate as much as the first hobbit you’d find was still as thin and lean as Lagoron was. He stood before her, still unmotivated. Out of pure frustration with everything, Amathel threw the first punch- Which he swiftly dodged. They stood there, silently observing each other with questioning eyes. Amathel wasn’t someone who missed her mark often and Lagoron had never shown such swiftness before- then again, when was the last time she had seen him practice anything at all? She couldn’t remember. With a growl she threw another punch, which he dodged again as if almost by instinct. Now fully enraged, Amathel threw everything she had into the spar- punches, kicks, moves and yet he all- “Stop avoiding me! Stop dodging!” “Well I’m not just going to stand there and let you rain your revenge on me!” “Stop-!” She felt her fist being halted by something, which gripped onto her hand tight and held it back enough for the muscles in her arm to shake from the strain. She looked up, seeing his hand in front of his face clutching down on… hers. “You…” “I-“

He dropped her hand, causing her to stumble forward as he was no longer holding back her weight, the palm of his hand quickly reddening. He winced in pain, flexing his fingers in some attempt to ease the discomfort- she did hit hard, even in practice apparently. “You blocked it..”

He watched her, continuously hitting the straw dummy over and over in frustration. Lagoron had quickly learned, within days even, that Amathel was prideful. The comment Sernil had made about her stance therefor had cut deep. Apparently, she tried to inflict that onto the straw dummy in the past few hours she had been standing there. He sighed, waiting a moment longer before approaching her. “Am?” With a grunt she hit the sword into the side of the dummy, causing it to get stuck- She bit her lip in anger, trying to keep her tears at bay. “I know you’re upset, Am. But this is not the way to deal with it.” “So I’m just supposed to ignore her criticism, is that it?” “It wasn’t criticism, Amathel. Not in the way you seem to perceive it. Sernil didn’t tell you to slave over this dummy for hours to get your stance right in one split second of battle-“ “So I’m supposed to do it your way, then?!” she snapped, turning to him in one fluid motion. “You take criticism as an excuse to do nothing! Because why try to improve, right?! Much easier to do nothing!” She wanted to say more, but stopped when she saw the hurt visible in his eyes. Oh no. She instantly regretted it, recalling the one time Lagoron had lowered his guard and told her how despite his desire of being a warrior he found it so difficult to be motivated since even if he tried his best, he still was out shadowed by so many in the ranks- as if everything he did was in vain. He turned around quietly, walking away from her as she made an attempt to reach out and take his hand. She halted in the middle of it, feeling tears burn in her eyes as she watched him leave. I’m sorry.

“Can you please listen to me?”

If he thought he could outrun her on the tracking fields than he was wrong, he knew that well enough himself, but the least he could do was ignore her. She had hurt him badly and he wasn’t in the mood to listen to her apology. So he ran, gaze in front of himself despite knowing that she easily kept up with him. She could do more meters than him, faster than him- it didn’t matter. He was better at pretending she wasn’t there, if she would just- It was just one missed step, but it almost folded his ankle in half and send him to the ground, hitting it with a heavy handed thud. Amathel forced herself to stop, letting others run by until only the two of them were still at the same spot. She was in front of him in two steps, slowly kneeling down. “Lagoron-“ “Go away. Don’t you have a new record to settle? Break your old personal one?” “Lagoron…” “I don’t need your pity.” “I don’t pity you.” He looked up, gently pushing himself up into a sitting position as he looked at her knelt in front of him. He sought her face for any explanation, but didn’t really find anything aside from a strange sense of compassion. “I’m sorry, Lagoron. I’ve been incredibly mean to you. I haven’t been a team player, at all. I thought that if I proved myself to Sernil that she would give me a “dignified” sparring partner, that she would give me someone higher in the rank. But…. I understand, now. I understand why she decided to put you with me.” “To make you feel superior?” “To make me value my team.” He rolled his eyes, flinching back for a second when she reached her hand out to him. He frowned, staring at it in confusion. “I’m not going to claim that you are the strongest of our team. Or the fastest.” “Geeh, thanks.” “But you are brave. And just. I’ve seen you, Lagoron. I’ve seen you talk to Brasson and letting him discuss the things that frustrate him. I’ve seen you offer Pellam insight in which arrows she should pick and let her come to the conclusion herself. I thought Kaziel couldn’t be sad for long, but you sat with him and held him company when that… anniversary came around and he didn’t have the mood to do anything- when the rest of us didn’t know what to do to make our appointed ‘clown’ happy. You are only behind in your own training because you close the ranks- for our sake. You avoid fights because you’d rather help your team succeed. You keep us together, because you refuse to turn your back on anyone in this team. You…. No one has ever even tried to talk to me when I’m taking my anger out on those straw dummies- I didn’t value it. I didn’t value that you leave nobody behind. It’s about time we don’t leave you behind, either.” Once more Amathel reached her hand out to him, surprisingly gentle in the gesture. Lagoron looked at it, his gaze going up to meet her eyes before sinking down again to look at her hand. He placed his own hand slowly into hers, allowing her to pull him up. “Ow, ow. My ankle-“ “Here. Let me help you.” She pulled his arm over her shoulders, wrapping the other around his waist and allowing him to place most of his weight onto her- it wasn’t like she couldn’t handle that, anyway. Amathel stuck beside Lagoron, slowly but surely bringing him back to the normal training fields and to the healer’s cabin.

“Are you alright?” She looked up at him, quietly, tears pooling in her eyes but none spilling. She didn’t even need to say a word for him to sit down beside her on the field, underneath the starry night sky above them that seemed to go on for miles beyond the tree tops. He offered her an apple, which she accepted and took a bite out of- the stress hadn’t allowed her to eat much during the day. He kept quiet for a while, thinking about what would be the best thing to say. “One failed test won’t make you drop in rank.” “I know. I’m still upset I failed. I trained so hard… I should’ve blocked that attack. After all the training we’ve done, after all I’ve seen you do- you would’ve thought I picked up some of your blocking.” “You’re not me, Amathel. You’re better at offense than defense, and with me it’s vice versa.” She sighed, looking up at the sky as she placed her hands behind her hips to support her weight. At least she was getting better at not letting her failures fill her with so much anger and frustration. She felt his hand on her own, looking at him from the corners of your eyes. “I’m proud of you, Ammy. If you want, I could help you train blocking for the next test?” “I would like that. I’m proud of you too, Lagoron. You’ve come so far.” He smiled at her, moving to rest his head on her shoulder and look at the sky as well. The stars seemed to shine even brighter and the moon casted it’s pale glow onto the field that was surrounded by rose bushes that would bloom again in the morning. Fireflies were dancing around and everything seemed at peace as was almost the norm in Imladris. “It’s beautiful. Thank you, Lagoron. You taught me how to slow down and just breathe.” “And you’ve gotten me of my lazy ass.” “You’re not lazy.” “Not anymore.” She gave him a playful shove, comfortable in his presence to the point where she didn’t feel like being serious about everything all the time, ruffling his blond hair until it almost resembled a bird’s nest. “Hey!” “I won’t let you talk bad about yourself again. You’ve done that enough and so have we, the rest of the team.” They sat there in each other’s company enjoying their surroundings in the quiet and calm night until Lagoron sat up, stretching himself with a yawn. He chuckled softly to himself, looking at Amathel from the corners of his eyes. She looked beautiful to him in the pale moonlight. A soft smile rested on his lips as he kept looking, eventually getting her attention. “What?” “I’m sure you’ll do fine on your next test.” “Lagoron-“ “You’re amazing, Am.” Amathel blinked, confused by his compliment as she felt a blush creep onto her face which only turned a deeper shade of red when he brushed a strand of her dark hair away from her face- he was suddenly so close to her. Almost as if frozen, neither of them moved for a while, their eyes locked onto each other as they were trying to figure out what to do next and how the other would accept the next step- She slowly closed the gap, gently pressing her lips onto his and feeling his fingers thread themselves in her hair as she cupped his face in her hands. It only lasted a fleeting moment before they both pulled back, gasping slightly before giggling nervously and turning away. “… That’ll stay between us, right, Am?” “Y-Yes. I mean, can you imagine if we told Brasson or Pellam?” “Pfft, I’m more worried about Kaziel. He’ll definitely tease us about it if we told him.” “We don’t need to tell our clown anything.” They both started laughing, the sound of it harmonious together in the silent night. “Still, this team would be boring without Brasson, or Pellam, or Kaziel.” “Aye.”

#drabble #proud warrior of Imladris (Amathel)#he was the calm to her storm (Lagoron)

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quietmedic · 8 years ago

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INTJ personality and not ‘blending’ into society

As an INTJ and as one who has scoured the net for years absorbing all the knowledge that I can - and we do it for fun, since we're INTJ! - I have realized that INTJ personality type people do not want to be 'like the others' and refuse to bend themselves in any way to accommodate others.

First of all, I must mention that I love being INTJ, and the advantages of the trait. It is also comforting to realize that there are group of people similar to me, and we understand each other. However, I think there might be a sort of self-fulfilling prophecy in knowing your MBTI, in the sense that you possess some parts of the trait but then you become to limit yourself to being ONLY an INTJ and not developing your weaker functions.

Until a while back, I was the same, fixated on being “pure” INTJ, but then I realized something.

First of all, I realized that I am aiming for specific goals. Priorities. Putting aside what I already am, the traits under INTJ that I embody, there was the problem of trying to become the other traits of INTJ and neglecting other skills to make me a well-rounded person. The human mind is plastic and can be changed - that is what the field of psychology (and in part, psychiatry) covers.

Second of all, no matter how much psychological self-insight and metacognition skills we possess, we are still human and we still have subconscious needs and instincts that we cannot control.

For example, small talk. In the real world, small talk smoothes over social situations but it is also a way to initiate a real conversation where you can learn. One of the INTJ common shared goals is to learn. Say there's a renowned professor, and you want to learn from them, but they're extroverted. The best way (not the only way, since you could go ahead and use your blunt introvert communication skills) but the best way, which will get you the most out of that conversation, be it more information or more assistance or their contact information if you need further discussion, will be to emulate their extrovertedness, and speak/act like that professor. This way the professor will be at ease, relate to you, trust you more, and so speak more freely. 1 Your goal was communication, and the most effective communication would come from you stepping out of your "introvert box" and doing whatever you need to do to fulfil that aim. 2 We cannot bypass, by words, the instinctual feeling of trust that you can only generate by acting in a similar demeanour and mirroring body language, and conversing on a topic that will get the professor interested in you and wanting to share their knowledge. Human instinct has the ‘us vs them’ categorization. To bypass this, we must show the other person that we are not so different and that we like them (smile!) and so we are not a threat and they can relax. Extroversion and social skills are not innate or natural to us, and it might feel like we are acting, but they are necessary to create this trust.

Remember that we are all human, so even if you would like to think that you can suppress your instincts, you cannot suppress them all. Simply because we are human, and so we are not perfect.

Another example, personally for me, is my mother. She is extroverted and possibly the complete opposite of me. We are similar in the sense that we both value education but differ regarding social interaction. I believe that, even with our differences, I was raised with the utmost of love and I want to show my gratitude. This is my goal. (Parents don't live forever, and so I believe that not a week must go by without me making an effort to communicate with her. It is a practical, logical thought and plan, and different from the emotional, extrovert type thought, but it is who I am.) If I try to express this gratitude in an introvert's way (such as creating a Google Calendar to streamline her work appointments or re-organizing her PC), it might not be understood. My aim is not to throw out my feelings without consideration for the other. Since I am doing it for the other person, I must ensure that it is suited for them. Just like if you had an extroverted friend who wanted to show you that they loved you but only in the way that they understood, and they just kept hugging you and throwing surprises at you and dragging you to parties - that sounds like hell, right? In the same way, we must use ways that the other person understands, to communicate with them. It is important to note that I COMPROMISE. There are things that are impossible (by impossible I mean too difficult and I don't have the energy to invest - nothing is impossible, we know this as INTJs) but there are things we can do.

You can’t change your personality (inside) but you can change your actions (outside) by understanding and changing some of your perceptions.

Since she is an extrovert, she likes to keep in touch. I try to text her as often as I can, from once a day to every three days. I don't compose long texts because I simply can't. My brain simply cannot generate anything so long. And when she calls I try to pick them whenever I can, and have a short conversation. - This is part of the reason introverts have trouble with small talk. We don't think that anything that happened during the day is worthy of conversation. However, it is possible if we train ourselves. Put that metacognition to use! We are the pattern-finders. By observing extroverts talk, we can find the topics they start with, and how they extrapolate on it, and what kinds of responses and body language they use, and mimic this. - Anyway, by this simple act of communication, I show my appreciation and love. It is a compromise that I can deal with, since I don't stress out over it, but also I'm not being overly lazy and taking things for granted.

If the person understands your compromise, and they compromise too, the relationship fares well.

Note that I only mentioned communication as “showing love” in the section above but there are other ways of communication. As an introvert to an extrovert, for the goal of the most effective communication of an idea, you know that speaking to them directly trumps email, while the reverse is true for an extrovert trying to share an idea with an introvert. It is up to you whether you follow through or not. What are your goals?

SImilarly to if you were talking to a primary school student vs a university student, or a specialist vs an ordinary person, you would use a different vocabulary. We know that communication is what we say, how we say it, but ALSO how the other person understands it, taking into account their previous knowledge base, cultural inferences et cetera.

THis is the principle of double entendres - one thing can have different meanings, depending on the speaker but also on the listener.

We are aware of each other’s differences, so ignorance is not the problem. It all depends on whether we will do new things, and act in new ways to achieve our goal and to fulfil the instinct-based, subconscious needs of the human psyche.

#quietmedic #INTJ #communication #introvert #extrovert #MBTI

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wincestshippingtrash2 · 6 years ago

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Cie’s Year-End Wrap-Up 2018

Image copyright Conger Design

I love the above image. Back in the late 1990s, I went to school for one semester for graphic design but dropped out. I didn't know it at the time, but I had untreated type 2 bipolar disorder, OCD, and borderline personality disorder, three exciting co-morbid conditions which happen to feed each other in ways that are just, shall we say, really special. I wouldn't be properly diagnosed until 2004.

When I think of how many years were wasted mired in shame and stigma because I had no idea in this Universe what was going on with me, I thought I was just an attention-seeking fuckup, it makes me very angry. Granted, some of the tools available to me now simply didn't exist when I was younger. E-commerce was in its infancy in the 1990s. There were no smartphones.

Hell, even GPS was still in its infancy. (I still have my TomTom Go.) The job I have today could not have existed in the 1990s. Back when dinosaurs and Ronald Reagan roamed the Earth in 1984, I delivered pizzas. Even the TomTom Go was as yet unheard of. How the hell my dyslexic ass didn't get lost more often, I'll never know. When I think of trying to do my job without Waze, it gives me that feeling of waking up with a start after a terrible dream and praising whatever powers there might be that the dream isn't real.

So, I didn't initially come here to talk to you about type 2 bipolar disorder, but now that I've thought about it, I want to talk about it. This is how people tend to think of bipolar disorder, and it's a reasonably accurate depiction of type 1 bipolar disorder.

Image Source

The post that the image comes from is worth reading.

The late Patty Duke had type 1 bipolar disorder. She is a personal heroine of mine. Her book, Call Me Anna, helped me understand better the things that I had gone through and to help me forgive myself for some of the truly awful decisions I made while hypomanic.

Being diagnosed with type 2 bipolar disorder helped me understand why I had seen some features of bipolar disorder in myself but was convinced that I didn't have it because I'd never experienced a full mania. I tended to go from crushingly depressed to positive and overly functional. I never flew off to Vegas and got married to a guy I barely knew or anything of that nature, although I did convince myself several times that the Universe wanted me to be with guys who raised red flags like nobody's business and who, unsurprisingly, turned out to be horrible and abusive.

When I was hypomanic, I would take on second jobs and be the world's greatest employee that everyone loved until everything came crashing down and everyone ended up thinking I was the world's biggest flake and fuckup. I would be mired in depression which felt like being at the bottom of a dark pit that there was no way out of.

When I would finally, miraculously, find myself pulled out of that pit, I would admonish myself that from now on I would be positive and productive and would never go back THERE again. When I inevitably went back there again, I would shame and berate myself for being a worthless fuckup.

Click to enlarge.

This is a fairly standard bipolar disorder screening questionnaire. It tends to miss people with type 2 bipolar disorder.

Was there ever a period of time when I wasn't myself? No. I was always myself, although I often didn't like it very much.

The late Peter Steele of Type O Negative, who had type 1 bipolar disorder, describes reflecting on occasions following a manic episode where he felt that there was something he could have learned from the time in question if only he could remember it. I never experienced anything like that.

I've never presented as talking extremely fast or seeming particularly hyper. I've never slept well anyway, so the "sleeping less than usual" criteria didn't send up any red flags. The late Julia Lennon described having periods where she wouldn't sleep for a week at a time, and doctors didn't know what was wrong with her. She was institutionalized on several occasions.

I did get involved in ill-advised relationships with abusive guys, but I never flew off to Vegas to do so. I took on multiple jobs and then crashed, often losing all of my jobs. When I was good, I was very very good, and when I was bad I was nonfunctional.

I speak openly about my mental health struggles because I would be very happy if no-one else ever had to fight the way I've had to fight. I've been told that I should keep my psych problems hidden because people would avoid me if they knew I was one of THEM. I was told I would never find a job if people knew I'd been to a therapist.

I was also told that I was "just being dramatic," that I needed to "stop seeking attention," that I was "just being lazy," and that I brought all my problems on myself with my "negative thinking." I can tell you that none of these criticisms did a damn thing to help me improve my life or to do anything except hide my problems and hate myself because I was never able to develop any decent coping skills for dealing with them until I was in my middle years. At this point, I'm still cleaning up the messes made by attempting to hide my problems, such as a storage unit full of stuff and a mountain of debt.

We've come a long way when it comes to mental illness in Western society, but we haven't come far enough. There is still a tendency to see people with mental issues as less intelligent or less capable or as loose cannons just waiting to explode and harm others. The truth is, people who live with mental illness are more likely to be victims of violence than to perpetrate violence.

There is a tendency to see jobs such as mine as "lesser" and to believe that the working poor, unemployed, and homeless "deserve" to not have basic amenities or a living wage. This needs to end. Everybody deserves the basic amenities, whether or not they are capable of working a "normal" job or at all.

I heard the term "lazy" so many times that I ended up with a terrible complex about taking breaks or doing things that are purely enjoyable and will never turn a profit. I once read a statement from a counselor which said that the term "lazy" should be replaced with "demotivated," because asking a person why they are so lazy shuts down the conversation and thus any chance of helping the person, whereas asking them why they are feeling demotivated leaves the conversation open and may help create a plan for helping them.

Exploitative shows like "Hoarders" should not exist. Like, at all. Capitalizing on people's illness for entertainment is twisted and barbaric. Hoarding is a subtype of obsessive-compulsive disorder. It is the symptom of malfunction in a certain area of the brain. It is not "laziness." Dealing with hoarding tendencies is exhausting, time-consuming, and life-destroying. People with hoarding tendencies need help from a compassionate professional, not a bunch of lookie-loos seeking schadenfreude at another's expense.

My son is helping me deal with the lifetime of hoarding without help contained in my storage units and the closets and spare rooms of the mobile home that I hope to have in a condition where I can think about selling it by the end of next year. With his help, the storage unit, which is about the size of a one-car garage, is 1/3 of the way clear at this point, and we are hoping to have it entirely clear by June of 2019.

My late father attempted to "help with cleaning," but his help really only traumatized me and made me feel more ashamed, which didn't lead to me keeping up with the process. My son is understanding when I tell him that I can't deal with a certain item at the moment and we'll need to put it aside. We move on to the next thing. He also suggests creating scrapbooks and art from my vast collection of images from magazines, unlike my father, who told me that "anything that lands on the floor needs to be thrown in the garbage."

My father had piles of papers and magazines all over his house. He had OCD with hoarding tendencies too, but he came from an era when one locked their mental health issues in an attic and never spoke of them. This helped nothing, which is why I have come out of the attic and am speaking openly about my struggles.

For years I refused to make New Year's resolutions because I had learned to equate them with "new you in 52" crap, which really benefits no-one but the billion-dollar diet industry. I refuse to have or promote weight loss as a "health goal."

I spent 33 years in yo-yo dieting hell trying to hate myself thin. There is no way I'm going to endorse that behavior. I'm going batshit at this point with all the blogs in my sidebar promoting "get paid to lose weight" garbage. You'll never see me promoting these things because dieting inevitably fails for everyone but statistical unicorns.

Diets don't work. Health at Every Size works. If you want to start exercising, increase the amount you're exercising, or eat fewer processed foods, great, but do it for overall health, not for weight loss.

We'll all be a "new you in 52" anyway. We'll have new experiences behind us, and many of our cells will have been replaced by new ones. Don't buy into the "new you in 52" crap. It only leads to frustration. Instead, pursue things that will lead to a more authentic you.

Your authentic you has nothing to do with a number on the scale or even the amount of money in your bank account. It is the you who is true to themselves, which has nothing to do with looks or status at all.

Best wishes in the coming year,

Cie

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#creative and mentally ill #cie's soapbox #diets don't work #cie's personal crap #living with mental illness

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netherworldwritersguild · 6 years ago

Text

Cie's Year-End Wrap-Up 2018

Image copyright Conger Design

Image Source

The post that the image comes from is worth reading.

Click to enlarge.

This is a fairly standard bipolar disorder screening questionnaire. It tends to miss people with type 2 bipolar disorder.

Was there ever a period of time when I wasn't myself? No. I was always myself, although I often didn't like it very much.

Best wishes in the coming year,

Cie

#creative and mentally ill #cie's soapbox #cie's personal crap #bipolar 2 #hoarding disorder

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themannychronicles · 8 years ago

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I am sorry, but I do it again

Imagine being sleep. Finally getting some rest after picking up after a grown woman and kids, and sometimes after the father. Can you imagine holding a baby just to get him quiet? Can you imagine every time you mention an issue? You are never understood. What do you mean? is the subject response to each time you recognize an issue with proof. Can you imagine someone buying items they already have in their closet, but constantly claiming you have NO MONEY? Can you imagine no matter where you go to lay down someone or all of them come in the room and talk like they are in another state? With the most annoying insincere manner, claiming to be pure of intention, look at you knowing they disturbed you and say, I am sorry! For what?! You are only going to do it again tomorrow and tomorrow and tomorrow. What’s the point of even saying it? You don’t mean it, and you are too deficient to see IT DOES NOT HAPPEN TO YOU, but it ALWAYS happens to me.

...thou wilt keep [him] in perfect peace

Jehovah Shalom means God who is peace, God sends peace, for me, God is peace. Peace is freedom from disturbance; quiet and tranquility; freedom from or the cessation of war or violence; harmony in personal relations; Latin for AGREE! God is freedom from disturbance. Many people I have shared my walk and testimony with have often stated that they would never live, befriend, or even be in proximity with these people. It’s sad because they never see their peace is easily disturbed by their own thoughts and actions. Anytime, you need an opinion from another in your life to justify your rationale, fallacious decisions and life choices, then YOU have lost your peace. Inner peace will display outer confidence and countenance. I really thank God for HIS peace in my life, living with these people have encouraged me in so many ways. However, it’s sad that one person like me who works hard to stabilize a family in Christ does not get solid amount of rest without interruption, disturbance, or ignorance. Why don’t you leave? Why are you there? How can you do it?

Folks! This is my assignment. This is my purpose right now. I have some things I needs from God and at the same time there are some things in my life that needs to change. Coming into contact with people like this, will make you look introspectively at things in your life to create plans on how to mature, evolve, and grow in grace. I have learned how to say NO more. I have learned how to look and see you about to fall and be quiet. There have been many times, I have warned the mother on things that were about to happen, and due to her stubbornness, laziness, and apathy she has suffered the consequences, and I refuse to share anymore wisdom in areas where information has already been given. If you do not know what I mean, then here you go.

A few months ago, I suggested that she seeks a psychologist. She needs to sit down and talk to a third party. She, at first, disagreed, then she agreed. [Mental instability] NOW, she thinks all she needs is a boyfriend; after [that’s another story]...even though she perceives that I can be her psychologist, but I am not licensed, nor do I desire to take on another set of issues that YOU perpetuate constantly. You absolutely refuse to embrace information and material that will increase your self-confidence, so I refuse to allow you to displace your issues onto me. Not to put all of her business out here for the world to see, but it’s sad when you are still entangled with your husband after he has cheated on you SEVERAL times. You have offered your place to stay when he is homeless, knowing with SEVERAL CONFIRMATIONS that you have been homeless for a year with HIM knowing about it with his kids and HE DO NOTHING, but you will PROVIDE him a place to stay...is that not odd? However, you would come to me and ask me my thoughts. REALLY? I have NOTHING TO SAY!

The reason why he is here at your place, where he pays no bills, does not support his children, fights her on paying $400 a month on child support, and so many other ��wonderful” things, that you open your apartment, which he is NOT a contributor to, for him to lay in your bed, claiming you don’t do anything with him at all. WOW! In the meantime, THE MAIN REASON he is at your place is HIS GIRLFRIEND kicked him out for cheating on her, and he cheating with her on YOU! YET, you feel compassion for him and allowing him to stay at your place because he is homeless right now while he travels for work. I promise, I should write this in a script and sell it for TV. I thought this foolery never happens, but ONLY ON TV, but the older I get, I am learning this foolishness happens daily. I am half tempted to write Iyanla. I doubt she would deal with this ignorance.

...whose mind is stayed on THEE...

According to CriticalThinking.org, The mind has three basic functions: thinking, feeling, and wanting. The three functions of the mind — thoughts, feelings and desires — can be guided or directed either by one's native egocentrism or by one's potential rational capacities. Egocentric tendencies function automatically and unconsciously.

Thinking is the part of the mind that figures things out. It makes sense of life’s events. It creates the ideas through which we define situations, relationships and problems. It continually tells us: This is what is going on. This is what is happening. Notice this and that. If this is the case, how is it that her mind does now warn her if her actions do not change, then he will repeat the same situations, relationships, and problems, and never realize she is the root cause? I have expressed to them all the time, the principles of Galatians 6:7, in other words there is a effect to EVERY cause; both good and bad. I highly doubt, things JUST happen to you without your influence. For instance, the daughter has a couple of Cs on her latest report and conjures this innocence unexplained face to explain that she has no clue why her grade is in that place when she turns in her work? However, she never reviews that fact that she does not APPLY herself. She RUSHES through her work to get it done. She NEVER ASKS FOR HELP, and when she gets an opportunity to correct her work, she hides and lies stating she never received or her parents never signed it.

The ignorant part is that the teacher and parents believe her! HA! Oh, but I am sorry, I will happen again, OOPS! I mean, NEVER happen again! Your mind from previous experience with her lying about picking up her clothes, putting up her shoes, warming the baby bottle, should have tipped you off, MOM, that your daughter like YOU...LIE! Okay, you don’t lie, but you don’t tell the entire story. You conveniently miss information for people to arrive at a conclusion without you admitting any information OR you become offended when someone calls you to the carpet on your deceptive ways. The sad part about it is, that you children will mimic your behavior to the Nth power, and as much as you claim you are a good mother by verbal, your deeds confuse them.

...because HE trusteth in thee...

I broke down Isaiah 26:3 in this entry, one to help me remember, and then on the other side, I want to share how to be honest with yourself and furthermore, admit when you need help or assistance. I am already here to help you. Why would you cover, masquerade, or deceive me, when I have proven my level of ability over and over again to you in Christ Jesus? It is clearly no goodness of my own, nor is it humanistic ability to complete this work that 95% would have abandoned you the 3rd day into this type of work. It’s funny how people have an issue with payments, but they want skilled and proficient work. God knows how to get YOU paid for your service.

Quick addition, it’s funny how PEOPLE like this get instantly OFFENDED at information such as this, but never stop your hurt, disappointment, and embarrassment long enough to review the information before erratically becoming affronted at the information stated versus the information. For me, if you are concerned more about the offense and your emotion versus the information stated in a respectable manner, then you are not ready to mature as much as you proclaim. I pray that God matures your heart and mind quickly in Jesus’ name.

Listen, bottom line, Feelings are created by thinking — evaluating whether the events of our lives are positive or negative. Feelings continually tell us: “This is how I should feel about what is happening in my life. I’m doing really well.” Or, alternatively, “Things aren’t going well for me.” Adjust your feelings to the word of God, self-improvement books, positive company, and empowering services. Stop deliberately doing foolish things as your kids that you are teaching without knowing it, and then turning around saying I am sorry. Even though, I know you are aware that I am sleep, working, or doing something for you already, and then come and interrupt me to do another task that you are too lazy, unaccountable, and trifling to complete yourself. God has me here for a reason and a season in your life in this capacity. Stop saying I am sorry, and GROW UP, because you will have to do it yourself soon, and no matter of money will recall this opportunity back in your life when you did not properly utilize this to your advantage.

To reiterate, Stop apologizing and DO BETTER, people!

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dfroza · 5 years ago

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Today’s reading in the ancient book of Psalms and Proverbs

for Sunday, April 19 of 2020 with Psalm 19 and Proverbs 19, accompanied by Psalm 32 for the 32nd day of Spring and Psalm 110 for day 110 of the year

[Psalm 19]

God’s Witnesses

For the Pure and Shining One

A poem of praise by King David, his loving servant

[God’s Story in the Skies]

God’s splendor is a tale that is told;

his testament is written in the stars.

Space itself speaks his story every day

through the marvels of the heavens.

His truth is on tour in the starry vault of the sky,

showing his skill in creation’s craftsmanship.

Each day gushes out its message to the next,

night with night whispering its knowledge to all.

Without a sound, without a word, without a voice being heard,

Yet all the world can see its story.

Everywhere its gospel is clearly read so all may know.

What a heavenly home God has set for the sun,

shining in the superdome of the sky!

See how he leaves his celestial chamber each morning,

radiant as a bridegroom ready for his wedding,

like a day-breaking champion eager to run his course.

He rises on one horizon, completing his circuit on the other,

warming lives and lands with his heat.

[God’s Story in the Scriptures]

God’s Word is perfect in every way;

how it revives our souls!

His laws lead us to truth,

and his ways change the simple into wise.

His teachings make us joyful and radiate his light;

his precepts are so pure!

His commands, how they challenge us to keep close to his heart!

The revelation-light of his word makes my spirit shine radiant.

Every one of the Lord’s commands is right;

following them brings cheer.

Nothing he says ever needs to be changed.

The rarest treasures of life are found in his truth.

That’s why I prize God’s word like others prize the finest gold.

Nothing brings the soul such sweetness

as seeking his living words.

For they warn us, his servants,

and keep us from following the wicked way,

giving a lifetime guarantee:

great success to every obedient soul!

Without this revelation-light,

how would I ever detect the waywardness of my heart?

Lord, forgive my hidden flaws whenever you find them.

Keep cleansing me, God,

and keep me from my secret, selfish sins;

may they never rule over me!

For only then will I be free from fault

and remain innocent of rebellion.

So may the words of my mouth, my meditation-thoughts,

and every movement of my heart be always pure and pleasing,

acceptable before your eyes,

my only Redeemer, my Protector-God.

The Book of Psalms, Poem 19 (The Passion Translation)

[Psalm 32]

A contemplative song of David.

How happy is the one whose wrongs are forgiven,

whose sin is hidden from sight.

How happy is the person whose sin the Eternal will not take into account.

How happy are those who no longer lie, to themselves or others.

When I refused to admit my wrongs, I was miserable,

moaning and complaining all day long

so that even my bones felt brittle.

Day and night, Your hand kept pressing on me.

My strength dried up like water in the summer heat;

You wore me down.

[pause]

When I finally saw my own lies,

I owned up to my sins before You,

and I did not try to hide my evil deeds from You.

I said to myself, “I’ll admit all my sins to the Eternal,”

and You lifted and carried away the guilt of my sin.

[pause]

So let all who are devoted to You

speak honestly to You now, while You are still listening.

For then when the floods come, surely the rushing water

will not even reach them.

You are my hiding place.

You will keep me out of trouble

and envelop me with songs that remind me I am free.

[pause]

I will teach you and tell you the way to go and how to get there;

I will give you good counsel, and I will watch over you.

But don’t be stubborn and stupid like horses and mules

who, if not reined by leather and metal,

will run wild, ignoring their masters.

Tormented and empty are wicked and destructive people,

but the one who trusts in the Eternal is wrapped tightly in His gracious love.

Express your joy; be happy in Him, you who are good and true.

Go ahead, shout and rejoice aloud, you whose hearts are honest and straightforward.

The Book of Psalms, Poem 32 (The Voice)

[Psalm 110]

Messiah, King, and Priest

King David’s psalm

Yahweh said to my Lord, the Messiah:

“Sit with me as enthroned ruler

while I subdue your every enemy.

They will bow low before you

as I make them a footstool for your feet.”

Messiah, I know God himself will establish your kingdom

as you reign in Zion-glory.

For he says to you, “Rule in the midst of your enemies!”

Your people will be your love offerings,

In the day of your mighty power you will be exalted,

and in the brightness of your holy ones you will shine

as an army arising from the womb of the dawn,

anointed with the dew of your youth!

Yahweh has taken a solemn oath

and will never back away from it, saying,

“You are a priest for eternity, my King of righteousness!”

The Lord stands in full authority to shatter to pieces

the kings who stand against you

on the day he displays his terrible wrath.

He will judge every rebellious nation,

filling their battlefield with corpses,

and will shatter the strongholds of ruling powers.

Yet he himself will drink from his inheritance

as from a flowing brook;

refreshed by love he will stand victorious!

The Book of Psalms, Poem 110 (The Passion Translation)

[Proverbs 19]

It’s better to be honest, even if it leads to poverty,

than to live as a dishonest fool.

The best way to live is with revelation-knowledge,

for without it, you’ll grow impatient and run right into error.

There are some people who ruin their own lives

and then blame it all on God.

Being wealthy means having lots of “friends,”

but the poor can’t keep the ones they have.

Perjury won’t go unpunished,

and liars will get all that they deserve.

Everyone wants to be close to the rich and famous,

but a generous person has all the friends he wants!

When a man is poor, even his family has no use for him.

How much more will his “friends” avoid him—

for though he begs for help, they won’t respond.

Do yourself a favor and love wisdom.

Learn all you can,

then watch your life flourish and prosper!

Tell lies and you’re going to get caught,

and the habitual liar is doomed.

It doesn’t seem right when you see a fool

living in the lap of luxury

or a prideful servant ruling over princes.

A wise person demonstrates patience,

for mercy means holding your tongue.

When you are insulted,

be quick to forgive and forget it,

for you are virtuous when you overlook an offense.

The rage of a king is like the roar of a lion,

but his sweet favor is like a gentle, refreshing rain.

A rebellious son breaks a father’s heart,

and a nagging wife can drive you crazy!

You can inherit houses and land from your parents,

but a good wife only comes as a gracious gift from God!

Go ahead—be lazy and passive.

But you’ll go hungry if you live that way.

Honor God’s holy instructions

and life will go well for you.

But if you despise his ways and choose your own plans,

you will die.

Every time you give to the poor you make a loan to the Lord.

Don’t worry—you’ll be repaid in full for all the good you’ve done.

Don’t be afraid to discipline your children

while they’re still young enough to learn.

Don’t indulge your children or be swayed by their protests.

A hot-tempered man has to pay the price for his anger.

If you bail him out once,

you’ll do it a dozen times.

Listen well to wise counsel

and be willing to learn from correction

so that by the end of your life

you’ll be known for your wisdom.

A person may have many ideas concerning God’s plan for his life,

but only the designs of his purpose will succeed in the end.

A man is charming when he displays tender mercies to others.

And a lover of God who is poor and promises nothing

is better than a rich liar who never keeps his promises.

When you live a life of abandoned love,

surrendered before the awe of God,

here’s what you’ll experience:

Abundant life. Continual protection.

And complete satisfaction!

There are some people who pretend they’re hurt—

deadbeats who won’t even work to feed themselves.

If you punish the insolent who don’t know any better,

they will learn not to mock.

But if you correct a wise man,

he will grow even wiser.

Children who mistreat their parents

are an embarrassment to their family and a public disgrace.

So listen, my child.

Don’t reject correction

or you will certainly wander from the ways of truth.

A corrupt witness makes a mockery of justice,

for the wicked never play by the rules.

Judgment is waiting for those who mock the truth,

and foolish living invites a beating.

The Book of Proverbs, Chapter 19 (The Passion Translation)

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