#I can vividly picture them taking three hours walking around the grocery store to end up buying $30 worth of items

[elcucurucho]

ironmouse moving into cellbit and roier’s castle has the exact vibes of the roommate situation in your first apartment. two of them are dating the other one of them just showed up one day they flip between being horrified at each other’s living habits and convincing each other the weirdest things are normal because they all do them. they all think they’re the sole voice of reason in the house (they are all equally insane)

[roger-that-cap]

peace

natasha romanoff x fem!reader

summary: natasha wanted to marry you more than she wanted everything, but how was she supposed to propose to you and ask you to be hers forever when she couldn’t give you even the simplest of things?

warnings: so this is minimal angst, don’t be fooled, this is fluff, ya know the drill. this may or may not be cheesy, but i tried 

word count: 6.4k, short and sweet 

so, i listened to peace by taylor swift while i wrote this one. take that information how you wish lollll. also, not edited!

Natasha met you years ago. You were the bright eyed girl at the front counter of an ice cream shop near the tower, soft serve shop. Natasha, ever the reader of mankind, immediately knew that you were kind, patient and simply sweet. Sweeter than the vanilla cone she had treated herself to, the one that you had made yourself because your coworkers were on an extra long break that wasn’t exactly authorized. 

  You knew who she was, but you didn’t ask her for anything. No autograph, no murmuring of a catchphrase, nothing about whether or not Captain America would be into you. Natasha admired that. She loved that she saw the flash of excitement and recognition in your eyes, but that it never went further than you asking her if she wanted sprinkles. 

 That one encounter led to many more. Soon, you two were on a date, after you had been brave enough to ask if she wanted to go on a picnic in the park after she kept coming into the store. And that one date was enough for you both to know that you wanted to see each other again, and again, and again. 

You and Natasha spent two months dating each other before making it official, and it was the best decision either of you had ever made. 

You made her feel like she was needed and loved, and she made you feel like you were cherished and safe. The feeling that you got when you looked at her was just so… natural. You weren’t worried about angering her, or about messing up in front of her. She made you feel calm, and one look at her washed all the jitters out of your nerves easily. 

And in return, there was no one on the entire planet that made Natasha as happy as you did. You were the one, and it was almost over night when she realized that you were it. 

One night, she was in bed next to you after a long day of training recruits and having a briefing for an upcoming mission. She had only been in your apartment for about twenty minutes, just lying in your gentle and welcoming arms, and she was fighting the urge to nod off where she felt safest. She was tired, but she knew one thing above everything else, and it was that she wasn’t going to waste an entire night with you because she wanted to sleep. 

“You don’t have to stay awake, sprinkles.” You said to her in the dark room, your hand smoothing her hair. “I’ll be fine.”

“I’ve been wanting to talk to you all day.” Maybe that’s when Natasha should have noticed. When the urge to talk to you was stronger than the drive that she had while training recruits, or when she nearly forgot that she couldn’t go home early because of how much she was just ready to. 

“I won’t be upset, you work hard,” you said softly. “You deserve some peace and quiet. Sleep, I’ve got you.” 

Natasha did a few things for the first time in a long time that night. 

One: she felt at peace enough to fall asleep immediately. 

Two: she went to sleep with the sound of someone humming in her ear. 

Three: she realized that she was completely in love with her girlfriend. 

There were plenty of times that hinted to her that she was falling in love. She looked for you or an essence of you everywhere, from seeing something the color of your eyes to looking over at your favorite brand of yogurt in the grocery store and contemplating buying it. Whenever you smiled, she couldn’t help but grin twice as big. If you laughed, she was happy. When you were upset, she wanted nothing more than to make it better, than to eliminate whatever it had been that made you feel that way. She would do anything for you. And she really believed that you would do anything for her right back. 

 Your relationship wasn’t perfect, but it was damn near it. It was the thing Natasha was most proud of, just like you were the person that Natasha was proudest of to call hers. And she wanted that. She wanted you to be hers for the rest of your life, and she wanted nothing more than to be officially yours. 

And that was why she stood in a high end jewelry store that specialized in special rings, closed for two hours from the public just for her. And Tony and Steve, who desperately wanted to tag along. 

  Tony was more of the planner and the doer. He was the one pointing out the rings that seemed pretty, the ones that looked like they would fit your style. He was the businessman, ready to negotiate price even though he could easily afford the entire store ten times over. Steve, however, was the mother hen. Hovering mostly silently, an excited buzz flowing out and touching everyone else in the vicinity. He was excited for Natasha, it was obvious, and he also wanted to make her feel as comfortable and ready as possible. 

  “That one’s pretty, isn’t it?” Tony muttered, pointing towards an intricate ring with a diamond in the middle of the studded band. “Y/N likes stuff like that.” 

“No she doesn’t,” Steve cut in, and he pointed to a ring that was quite literally the opposite of the one Tony was referring to. It was a simple ring, one with a silver band and a decently sized diamond in the middle. It was clearly an engagement ring, but it wasn’t flashy. “That one is probably closer to what she’d like.” 

Everyone in the tower knew you well. Natasha made sure that you knew her friends well when you two started to get really involved. You introduced her to your siblings and parents, and she let you meet her own family, the Avengers. Natasha remembered the day that you met everyone vividly. Everyone had loved you immediately, and she was so proud of the way that you handled yourself while being so nervous. Hell, she was always proud of you. 

  You made fast and sturdy friendships with everyone and fit in well, and that was all Natasha could ever ask for. Eventually, she started to bring you over at least once a week just to hang out with everyone, to get you familiar with every member of her found family. 

  Perhaps that was another sign that she should have taken and read. She had never introduced a significant other to the family that she cherished so much, not once before you. 

“Steve’s right,” Natasha murmured, and she heard Tony’s playful scoff. “But I have no idea when I’m going to actually do it.”

 “You don’t have a trip planned?” Tony asked incredulously. “Well, I can schedule anything you want, whenever you want. Just ask me.” 

Natasha knew exactly what Tony was referring to. He had gone above and beyond for every romantic gesture that was ever for Pepper, and Natasha knew that your relationship wasn’t like that. You didn’t need grand gestures or long trips to beaches. The both of you were happier than ever just being with each other. She knew that you would cry in the middle of a Wendy’s if she popped the question there and held her hand patiently waiting for the ring. The location mattered the least. 

“We probably won’t do a trip, that’ll make it obvious.” There was one thing that Natasha was very picky about that had to do with the whole affair, and that was surprise. She wanted you to be the most pleasantly surprised you had ever been in your life, and she wanted to watch those beautiful eyes of yours light up and start to water in the most joyous of ways. She wanted the cheesy hand-over-heart move, the hand grabbing, the excited chatter of a small gathering of random people looking. And most of all, she wanted to hear your elated yes and she wanted to slip the ring onto your ring finger, and she never wanted to see it off from that moment on. 

But that was just her. 

Natasha, Steve, and Tony spent another hour in the jewelry store. The owner was buzzing around, clearly excited for the amount of business that their presence was sure to rope in. He took a picture of them and promised not to release it until Natasha proposed, even though he was quite literally bursting at the seams to brag about it. In the end, Natasha ended up getting a pretty ring with a silver band and a nice sized diamond, simple and just your type. 

They were on their way out when Tony spotted paparazzi. He stopped in his tracks and turned around. “Okay, I’ll go first to lead them away.” 

“Why?” 

“If Y/N sees you on a tabloid at a ring shop with me and Steve… the surprise is up.” Tony made a clicking noise with his tongue and left without anything else to say, strolling out and indeed leading all of the people with cameras away from the shop, all of them entranced by the billionaire. 

To be safe, Natasha and Steve waited for a few more minutes before walking out and getting jumbled in with the crowd. Her grip on the bag was tight, and she was holding the box in her hand through it. So, are you excited?” 

“Not as excited as you,” she teased, but even she could hear the nerves in her voice. “I just don’t wanna ruin anything.” 

  “Please,” Steve scoffed. “Y/N is so in love with you that I forget that you two aren’t already married, honestly.” 

  Steve saying it aloud made Natasha’s heart race, even though she already knew that. That was one of the million wonderful qualities about you. She never had to ask you for validation, because you told her with everything you did. You tapped her hand three times at parties. You whispered it into her ear before you both went to sleep. You kissed her cheek or her jaw when she started to get antsy, and rubbed her back while you did it. Every touch, every kiss, every breath that the both of you took told the other that you loved them. There was no question about that. 

“So, what are you worried about? She’ll say yes. Everyone knows that.”

If only Steve knew that it was so much more than you saying a three letter word instead of a two letter one. 

They walked back in silence to the tower, comfortable silence between two friends who were both deep in their own heads even as they swiped their clearance cards and went into the elevator. 

§§

Natasha always felt bad when she lied to you, no matter how small or white the lie was. One day, it was small and for the both of you, but it still didn’t smooth the guilt. 

She had told you that she had a late night meeting, top secret, and that she would call you when you could come up in her room. “So, that’s the plan.” 

“You’re gonna pop the question of your lives in the park?” Tony asked, a brow quirked upwards. “Well, to each their own.” 

Wanda rolled her eyes. “That’s a really sweet idea, Nat. Tony, here, is just annoying.” 

“Thank you, Wanda.” Natasha said, and then turned to the billionaire. “So, what would you do, then?” 

“I would go on a crui-”

“Yeah, I’m thinking Nat wants a more casual approach,” Sam said, giving Tony a once over. “So the park would be great.” 

“I know,” she said absentmindedly, thoughts already on the next hour, where she would be on the couch in her quarters with you, watching one of your favorite shows together. 

“We’re still allowed to come, right?” Wanda asked, gently bringing Natasha out of her thoughts. 

“Of course.” That was another thing she really wanted. Her family had to see everything happen first hand, that was non negotiable. “Just lurk in the shadows, she’ll know what's happening if she sees all of you.” 

That night, she left the tower to go to your apartment rather than just have you come over and swipe your card that Tony had made you. She figured that the less people around that knew about the proposal, the less likely it was that someone was going to spoil it. 

  She wasn’t an idiot. Weddings were special to you. Hell, when you were younger, you used to want to be a wedding planner. Natasha knew that a goal in your life was to be loved by someone so much that they wanted to spend their life with you, and luckily, the both of you found that in each other. 

  “Baby,” Natasha called when she stepped through the threshold of your apartment, her ears already pricked up as she heard the television coming from the room that you had moved half of her belongings into. She smiled as she walked closer, purposely making her footfalls a little louder so that she didn’t startle you. 

  You were smiling at her when she opened the door to the bedroom, and Natasha felt her heart stutter for a second as she caught her bearings. “Hi, sprinkles. How was work?” 

She would never get tired of the sound of your voice. “It was alright.” Natasha walked over to you, and you leaned into her hand, the same one that always reached for your face and cradled your cheek, her own little greeting. “You weren’t there, so.” 

“Sadly I was doing soft serve,” you said, rolling your eyes at the customers you had encountered. “And one woman was particularly… not nice.” 

“Oh, I’m sorry, baby.” Natasha said softly, pulling you closer. “At least now all you have to worry about is sitting down in time to catch your show.” 

“That is my only worry,” You agreed playfully. “Come sit, I’m tired. And I know you are, too.” 

§§

Natasha thought that she was going to do it as you walked through the park, on a trail that the rest of the Avengers were following you on flawlessly. She was surprised that they could keep that quiet for that long, especially Steve, with his non-stealthy physique and training. But they were doing it. In a way, it made Natasha worried out of her mind that you couldn’t feel that five people were trailing you. But she forced that part of her mind, the one that was always so overwhelmed with the need to keep you close and safe, to the back of her mind, and instead felt for the little box in her pocket. 

“Oh, do you hear that bird singing?” You asked softly, trying not to disturb the peace. She watched your eyes scan the tips of the trees, watching as a smile grew on your face and planting one of her own. “I wish I could see it.” 

“You go bird watching all the time,” Natasha mused at you, and you snorted a bit. 

“But we never really sit down and do it together,” you said after a moment, and just like that, Natasha’s excitement was dried out. Her fingers left the box in her jacket pocket, and her hand swung at her side with the other held by your hand. 

“What?” 

“We just don’t do it much, ‘s all.” Like you sensed that you had said something that changed the mood of your little stroll, you turned to look at her. “There’s nothing wrong with that.” 

But there was. There was everything wrong with that statement. Mostly because it was one hundred percent true. The two of you didn’t have any time to bird watch or stargaze like you wanted to. And it wasn’t on your end, no, it was on her’s. 

She came home late more often than not. She left early in the morning, sometimes before the sun even rose. She was sent on missions that were weeks long, sometimes even months. Sometimes, she didn’t even get to warn you or say goodbye before she had to get on a quinjet, just up and leaving and sending a text, apologizing for things she couldn’t control. 

  “Nat?” She hadn’t even realized that she stopped walking. But she had. Her arm was stretched out towards you because you hadn’t dropped her hand yet, and you closed the gap between the two of you with a look of concern on your face. “You okay?” 

“Um, yeah.” She cleared her throat and rubbed her face with her hand, blinking a few times as the familiar guilty feeling burned in her chest like acid. “Wanna keep walking?” 

For the rest of the walk, Natasha was stuck in her head. She was good at multitasking, so she indulged you and your words to the best of her ability while she thought about how terrible she felt for you. She couldn’t even take you birdwatching. And she thought that you would want to marry her? 

“Are you ready to head back, darling?” Natasha asked once the sun started to finally make its retreat, and after she felt that the others had left and were far ahead of them. They knew her just as well as you did, and they knew that it wasn’t the day that she was going to ask. 

“As long as it’s with you,” you murmured, and then you turned around to press your lips to hers in an innocent, binding kiss, and then pressing a kiss to her forehead. “I love you.” 

“I love you, too.” Natasha said back just as sincerely, wrapping her arms around you and hugging you right in the trail, closing her eyes tight and waiting for the feet and doubt to subside. 

It didn’t. 

§§

It took two more failed attempts for Steve to finally come knocking on her door one night. The night of the third failed proposal attempt, everyone was anxious to see a ring on your finger, and everyone just wanted it to be done so that they could plan the wedding. 

 Natasha was not on the same page. 

At first, the team was confused. Natasha’s love for you never wavered. It was as certain as the sun rising and falling, as the tide coming in and going out. It was constant, and it never faltered. So her backing out of making it official, of finally tying to knot with you, confused everyone. And then, they thought about what exactly made the change in conversation.   

  Wanda was the one to crack the code. She subtly picked at Natasha’s mind during the last of the failed proposals, and when she came back out into the present, she didn’t seem surprised at all. 

  The first thing that Wanda said when they all got back to the car was, “she doesn’t think that she’s enough.” 

Doubt. 

Natasha Romanoff never doubted herself. She was the best assassin in the world, capable of literally anything that she put her mind to. She had no reason to doubt herself. Until she started to work for someone else, not just for herself.

  “What is she doubting?” Tony muttered, the exhaustion at watching one of the boldest people he knew dancing around a woman who clearly loved her to death. “Y/N is going to say yes. She would say it if Nat asked her on the toilet.” 

 “No, it’s not that,” Wanda said softly, shaking her head. “She thinks that she’s… neglecting her. That her presence isn’t often enough. She feels guilty about her job.” 

 Silence. 

That was something many of them who had relationships dealt with. The balance between domestic life and life as an Avenger was hard to achieve. Not only did the Avenger have to know when to separate things. The Avenger also had to find someone who knew what they did, what their job entailed, and that they would both have to make sacrifices.  You knew how to do those things. So what was the problem?

“Y/N takes the distance and the danger really well,” Steve stated. “So, what’s the problem?” 

Wanda shrugged. “There was… there was more. But I didn’t have enough time to really see.” 

  While the others tried to figure out what was going on the the former assassin’s brain, Natasha was back in her room, sitting and twiddling her thumbs as she thought. Her eyes kept going back to the box, resting on it very now and then before she looked away in apprehension.  

 There were three knocks on her door, way too harsh and precise to be you. Besides, you hardly ever knocked, just as she never knocked on your door. “Um,” Natasha started, and then her brows furrowed as she put the ring in a drawer just in case. “Come in.” 

Steve Rogers was standing at her door, arms crossed, a slightly disappointed look set on his face. “What’s up?” 

Natasha raised a perfect brow. “You came to my room, Cap.” She crossed her arms as well, even though they both knew that neither was on the defensive. “Are you okay?” 

“Why haven’t you done it yet?” 

Her heart dropped to her toes, but she knew how to control her facial expressions. She was sure that she would never lose that skill, no matter how old she got and how much she would start to forget things. “Done what?” 

Steve shut the door. “You haven’t proposed to her yet. Why not?” 

“The time wasn’t right.” 

“That’s a lie.” 

She wasn’t used to Rogers calling her out so fast. Typically, she was an A list liar, and the only person she failed at lying to was you. She rarely ever did that, and when she did, it was for the better. Like, when she would tell you that she would be back within a few hours knowing that it would be about two nights still. Or when she would tell you that she wasn’t hurt, knowing good and well she had been bleeding out five minutes not even two minutes before she made the call. 

The second lie that came to mind came flying out of her mouth. “I’m scared she’ll say no.” 

Steve rolled his eyes, to Natasha’s surprise and sligh humor. “She’d find a way to say yes to you even in the afterlife, Natasha. You can’t play the lying game. Not with me, not with us, and especially not with her.” 

“Why are you so worked up right now?” 

“Because you deserve happiness, and it’s right there in front of you. You’re throwing it away, for what?” 

  “I never said that I wasn’t going to propose,” the redhead defended, but Steve just put his hands on his hips. 

 “I can see it in your eyes. You’re not going to unless someone pushes you, and because Y/N can’t in this situation, then I will.” His “Captain” voice was on. “It’s much more than you being worried about something that won’t ever happen, so what’s wrong, Natasha?” 

Natasha stood there for a second, her eyes narrowed on him as her face stayed still, and her mind raced a thousand miles an hour. She pursed her lips after a few seconds and breathed in, trying to decide whether or not to spill everything to one of the people that she trusted the most in life, one of the few that she trusted with her very life itself. Her mouth started moving before she could even approve its speech. 

 “Because of who I am and what I do, I can never give her what she deserves. I can never give her the suburban life, the calm life, the one where all she has to worry about is whether or not she’ll have to go to the store to get more cheese. I can never give her that.” 

 “I have money, she’ll never have to worry about going hungry or not being able to do things, yes, but at what cost? At the cost of me leaving her by herself one day for forever because of one wrong step? At the cost of me not being there to hold her at night or wake up with her in the morning? I can’t even do simple things with her like stargazing because I don’t have time for it. I don’t have time for her, do you realize how horrible that is? How terrible I feel?” 

Whatever Steve was expecting, it surely wasn’t that. Natasha was never one to have an outburst, even with the people she was the most comfortable with. But there she was, spilling all of the feelings she had been harboring within seconds, her eyes resting on Steve’s as they both refused to look away for more than a few seconds at a time. 

  “I can never give her a calm life without worry, or without pain. She’ll have to be scared about whether or not I got shot in Siberia, or if I’m rotting somewhere at the bottom of a cliff, or if I’m a prisoner halfway across the world. All I bring to the table is worry, and all I want to give her is what she gives me every second I’m with her. Peace. I want that so badly, and she deserves it more than anything. And I can’t give it to her.” 

Steve was silent for a moment, and a singular moment turned into two. “Have you ever asked her what she wants?” 

 The question stopped Natasha’s erratic thoughts in their tracks. “What?” 

 “Natasha, she’s been with you for years now, and I’ve never heard her complain about your job. I’ve never even seen her cry about you being gone more than anyone else would. She knows what you do, and she knew that when she agreed to be your girlfriend. She wouldn’t have stayed with you if she couldn’t handle it.” 

 “How do I know she’s handling it?” 

“Ask her.” Steve said softly, like he was nudging her with his words alone. “You’ll only know if you ask her.” 

  As she drove to your apartment that night, her mind was buzzing with nerves. “Ask her,” she mocked, making her voice deeper. “Not that easy.” 

  The door was open when she got there, enough to make Natasha shout your name with anxiety in her voice, and that sound was enough to make you come poking your head out from the kitchen. 

“You alright, sprinkles?” 

Natasha could breathe again. And when she inhaled, she smelled chicken in the air. She grinned. “Perfect now,” she said, shutting the door, locking it, and walking over to you. 

§§

It hit her in bed with you that she should bring it up. You two always had conversations before bed, it didn’t matter what about. Sometimes, the conversations were as serious as a heart attack, and other times, they were about whether or not Candyland was a good game. That night, it was leaning on the more serious side. 

  “Y/N,” Natasha called softly, and you hummed in response. “Do you… are you happy? With me?” 

The soft humming that was coming from your throat cut off abruptly at the question, a question Natasha had never asked you before. To say that you were confused was an understatement. You two had almost always been on the same page, and if one of you were to be unhappy, the other would know. “Of course I am, Natasha. Why? What’s wrong?” 

 “Do you think that my job complicates things between us?”

Natasha sat up after you did, looking at her like she was in the process of growing a second head. “What?” Before she couldn’t say much else, you were talking again. “Who put that idea into your head? No, your job doesn’t put a strain on us, unless you feel something on your side?” 

  “No, no,” Natasha rushed out. “I just… I don't want you to feel like I’m neglecting you. I don’t want you to feel like you’re not getting what you need from me, as a w-girlfriend.” 

 “Natasha,” your voice was soft in the night, a satisfied and sweet whisper that never failed to calm her nerves. “You give me everything I could ever ask for. You always have, and I think you always will. Is this about stargazing?” 

  “What?” 

“Don’t think I didn’t notice the way you got weird when we were walking in the park,” you said softly, your fingers tracing little hearts on her back. “I told you that we didn’t go stargaze or bird watching together, and you got upset. Is that what this is about?” 

  She couldn’t lie to you. “Somewhat.” 

“Oh, Nat,” you said, and you pulled her closer to you, resting your head on her chest and listening to her heartbeat, steady and constant. “I don’t care about that. All I care about is you.” 

 “Do you even see enough of me?” 

“Your job does not affect me whatsoever,” you answered. “I knew who you were and what you did when I asked you to go to that picnic with me, remember? I knew exactly what you did, and I knew around how much I could or could not be seeing you. I knew everything. So, why would I back out now after all these years? And why would I leave you?” 

  You had no idea how soothing your words were to Natasha in that moment. To you, it was just reassurance, affirmative words. To her, it was everything. It was the solution to all of her worries regarding the ring that was in her dresser back at the Tower. 

  “The point is, I could wait up for you to get home until four in the morning and make dinner for you after a long mission every day for the rest of my life, if you wanted me to.” The tracing of hearts never stopped on Natasha’s skin, but her breathing surely did for a second. “Because, what’s losing a few days compared to sharing a lifetime?” 

  Natasha smiled as the fear washed out of her system like it had never been there. More or less, you had just confessed to her that you wanted to be with her for a lifetime, and that for that lifetime, you didn’t mind any of the things that she was worried about. She was going to do it.  

§§

  After a short chat with the team, Natasha was finally ready. Like they could all tell that it was the day, they gave her a serious pep talk and Tony even muttered his premature congratulations, even though Wanda insisted that saying it before was a form of bad luck. 

 The plan was set. She was going to get you from work, pretend like you were going to go to dinner, and then take you stargazing. And then, she was going to pop the question. And hopefully, most likely, you were going to say “yes”. 

 When her car rolled up to the windows of your store while you were cleaning, you laughed. “Hi, Nat! What’s up?” 

 “Just here to pick you up,” she said with a smile, and your grinned at her. 

  “Alright, give me fifteen.” 

By the time you had gotten home, gotten dressed and were both seated in the car, Natasha’s hands were sweaty, and the weight of the little box was somehow heavier than anything Natasha had ever carried before. Her leg was bouncing up and down in the driver’s seat, and she hoped that you paid no mind to it. 

 “It’s pretty tonight,” you mused, and she nodded.  

“Yep, very clear.” And it was pure luck. She thanked all the gods that were ever worshipped that it was a clear night. “You can see everything.” 

“Yeah, you can.” 

“Do you… do you wanna go look at the stars?” She asked, and you turned your head to the side to look at her, a spark in your eyes that had just caught flame. 

  “You didn’t reserve anything, right?” 

Natasha had forgotten about the fake dinner already, her eager mind already onto the next stage. “Oh? No. I didn’t.” 

 “Then, we should ditch the food and do that. I’ll make you dinner after.”

 When Natasha parked on the side of the road, it was empty. It was emptier than it usually was at night, and the closest street lights were off. It made it much easier to see the stars. You were the first one to sit down on the dry grass, and you patted the spot beside you, urging Natasha to sit down with you. The second she did, you laid down and sighed, eyes on the sky. 

After a few moments of holding hands with eyes to the stars, roaming the dark blue sky in silence, you quietly began to speak. “It’s so pretty,” you murmured. “I haven’t done this in forever, and I hardly remember what it was like, but I can’t imagine that any other time could have been better than a time with you.” 

  Natasha turned her head into your neck, resting it there like she always did. “I love you,” she whispered, and you shivered at the intensity laced between the three words, the sincerity warming your heart. “I love you so much.” 

  “And I love you,” you responded, just as genuinely. You tapped her hand three times with your pointer finger, saying it twice. “More than I love the stars.” 

You two stayed there for hours, just watching the sky and ignoring the dull hunger pains that kept leaving and coming back. You spent a little time pointing out constellations, and Natasha told you how to navigate using the stars. Eventually, it was time to leave, and Natasha reached her hand out to you once she stood up. 

Natasha slowly walked you towards the car, but you didn’t notice how out of character it was for her to walk without a sense of urgency in the moment. She knew that you couldn’t hear their footsteps, but she could. They were soft and familiar, trying not to alert you of their presence, and they were succeeding. Natasha cleared her throat softly and swallowed her fears.

“Y/N,” she started, and you furrowed your brows at the usage of your name. “Do you remember how we first met?” 

You stopped walking, your back towards the approaching people. “Of course I do,” you responded, a smile on your face as you reminisced. “You ordered a cone with no sprinkles, what a weirdo.” 

 “Is it weird for me to say that I knew?” 

“Knew what?” 

“I knew that you were going to be a part of my life somehow. Whether it was going to be a friendship, a relationship, or even just an acquaintanceship, I didn’t know. But I knew you’d be around.” 

“That’s so sweet, Tasha.” Your bottom lip poked out and you went in to hug her, closing your eyes as you held her tight and then pulled away. “I think I knew after our third date.” 

Natasha cracked a smile, even though she felt like she was going to throw up. “Coney Island?” 

“Coney Island,” you confirmed, eyes glimmering under the starlight. Natasha was about to get lost in them, well on her way, before she shook her head and cleared her throat again, checking behind you discreetly to make sure that everyone was hiding before she turned you both sideways, so that your side profiles were visible to the others. 

“But… you have the most beautiful soul that I’ve ever had the privilege of meeting. You're everything I could ever dream of asking for, and I love you more than I’ve ever loved anything in my life. You’re my day and night, my high tide and low tide, and you’re the only person I’ll ever admit that I need. Because it’s true. You give me a peace that I never hoped to ever receive from anything, and I love you even more for that. You are just… you’re the one for me. And I…” she swallowed as her eyes tore away from yours, and she wiped her sweaty palms on her jacket. “I’m sorry I’m no good at speeches, but I...”

   She reached into both pockets at the same time and pulled the box out in a swift movement, and before you even knew what she had done, she was on one knee right in front of you. A strangled noise came from your throat, a gasp and a sigh all the same, and then you put one hand over your mouth. 

 Natasha’s eyes were watering, and so were yours. “I would be the luckiest woman in the world, the most privileged and honored person in the entire universe, if you let me marry you.” 

 There was utter silence for a second besides your harsh and surprised breathing. Then, a gasp left your mouth. “Natasha!” You shrieked, a hand still over your mouth as the tears ran down your face, reflecting the joy you felt on the inside. Your emotions roared and rushed inside of you, like a furious river of elation. You blinked rapidly, but you were so happy that your eyes didn’t even get that familiar burning feeling that came with the tears. 

“Is that even a fucking question?” You bent down to her level and your lips met hers, passionately and full of love and relief. Neither of you noticed the clapping and cheers after being so immersed in each other. 

 Natasha pulled away, a shit-eating grin on her face as she started to say something to you, right when you noticed everyone else around you. “Wait, baby, let me put the-”

“Have you been here the whole time?” You shouted towards the rest of the team, who were all watching with proud and excited expressions, and Wanda nodded. 

  “Most of the time,” she grinned, and you wiped the tears from your face, only to see the one and only Tony Stark recording you and Natasha, who was still on one knee in front of you, holding one of your hands. 

  “Can I?” Natasha asked from her kneeling position, gesturing towards the ring, and you nodded excitedly. She slipped it on your left ring finger, and you yanked her up with such excitement that she was sure that one of her bones popped, but she didn’t care. She kissed you again, a sweet and meaningful kiss, before she hugged you tightly. 

 “Thank you.” 

You would have been confused if you weren’t on a high.  You were going to get married. To Natasha. You were going to have forever with her, like you always wanted. “For what?” 

She kissed the shell of your ear softly, and then your jaw and cheek, right where you always kissed her. “For everything, darling.” You leaned back into her, your face in her neck, and she made brief eye contact with her friends, who were all looking at the display of affection with soft eyes and even more tender hearts. She closed her eyes as she felt your heart beating against her chest, savoring the feeling of being so close to the woman that she loved unconditionally, her soon-to-be wife. “For everything.” 

****

hey guys! hope y’all liked this one, i wrote it in two hours, and then thought about deleting it, but here she stands. if you liked it, feel free to like and reblog! comments are also widely appreciated, i love those! also, i wanna make friends up here so feel free to blow up my messages! hope you have a great day/night 💕

[saraaaisabelll]

Is this love?...

A question I have been asking myself for over 3 years now. About the same person, no matter who comes in my path, nothing can erase him. The moments I shared with him can become a blur now and again, but they always seem to have a way of hitting me in the heart, mind and gut so vividly that I almost freeze when it happens. I can almost always transport, what feels like, my soul back to the moments I loved so much with him. And it fills me with so much happiness, warmth, and sometimes sadness. 

Although we had attended the same school system, pretty much our entire adolescent lives, we officially became apart of each other’s lives December 2014. It was just a few days before Christmas that you “slid in my DM’s” , but I never took your approach to me in that context as anything bad or corny. We never really had seen one another in person since high school , or so I assumed. I can specifically remember you telling me how you used to see me in all sorts of places, but always with my ex. Which made my entire body blush on the inside. Were you watching me?

We hit it off almost right away. I remember you coming over to my apartment so many nights and us just vibing, talking and smoking. I remember how nervous I used to feel around you, that good nervous that makes your bones feel like they’re going to melt any second. I specifically remember how your voice had me in this trance-like state , so deep yet so delicate. I hung of every other word you spoke. And all you could see was my goofy smile. I remember one of the first times we actually ate out together, we went to get wings. I remember the exact outfit I wore and how you came over while I was finishing up curling my long hair. I remember when we got there how I was scared to eat wings in front of you and you tried your best to show me that it didn’t matter if I got messy while eating. 

I’ll never forget New Years Eve. I remember that night very clearly as well. It was freezing, and my dumb ass wanted to wear a mini skirt. I was alone all night, past 12, wondering where you were. I was disappointed that we weren’t together for the ball drop, and thats when I knew something was happening inside my heart for you, I had gotten attached. But you eventually showed up, I can’t remember if you apologized, I feel like you did but you had mentioned that we didn’t really plan on being together for 12AM to hit & that you were with your friends. So we carried on into the night, meeting up with my friend at a bar & us heading to her family’s party. We dropped her off and took a ride down the block to smoke. I remember getting SO stuck to a point where I told you we had to go and you needed to drive us back home. At this point we had yet to make love and I was in a mix of dying to feel all of you but loving every moment of getting to know all of you. I remember us coming home and I asked you to stay. I remember me getting under the covers and you decided to sleep above the sheets under a blanket. We cuddled to sleep that night without any moves being made. I remember you kissing me on my ear as I laid on my side in bed. That memory always makes my heart flutter.

The night we made love always comes back to me in bits and pieces. Although I can recall the many times after that we made love, this specific time doesn’t quite come to me so well. I remember exactly what we were doing prior and how it started. We were watching Guardians of the Galaxy and it had ended. We were cuddled on of the couches and I looked up at you and we started kissing, and it got more and more intense as the credit screen rolled behind us in the background. I remember standing up and taking your hand & leading you into my room. But sadly from there I can’t remember, and I have no idea why.  But I do remember that I had never felt more pleasured and loved at the same time than I had every time I was with you.

Weeks passed that felt like months. Making wonderful love, sharing ourselves with one another, and always going to see movies was our thing. But at the time you met me, even you knew, I had a lot of growing to do and eventually I allowed my ego and insecurities get the best of me. Something wanted to tell me you weren’t loyal and I sadly opened those flood gates. After our first fight things never really felt like they mended completely, they never went back to the same place for us. I had broken your trust by not trusting you, and after all these years I still don’t think I’m fully able to forgive myself for being so foolish. 

As time continued our arguments became more and more frequent. On the one side was me, a lost, insecure, dependent young woman who just didn’t want to lose love again. And on the other side was a young man growing into himself more and more as the seconds of each hour or each day passed. Was it that you maybe just outgrew me in the midst of it all? I’d never really get to have that answer come out of you in person because that summer I decided to move to D.C. Feeling that it was the right choice & allowing myself to have space from whatever was between us because I was damaging myself about it. You didn’t really ever express sadness or pain for me when I left. I remember how bad I wanted to see you on my last day there & you never came. Why? Was it now your ego getting the best of you? I’ll never know. You never really liked to open up about your feelings once things started to change. I’m so sorry for being the cause of that wall you built.

We kept in touch for a few months, I wanted you so badly but I could feel the change in you, and it was breaking my heart every time we spoke. That was the first time I tried to cut you out of my life, which would eventually fail. I had met someone that winter who I thought was such a great match for me, he was fun, energetic, talkative & I guess his sex helped me to forget how you felt. I ended up getting pregnant by him, but knew I couldn’t go through with it. That was the end to the relationship between the both of us, and I could only think of calling you. Which I think may have only pushed you further away from me by hearing what had happened, but you stuck by me and consoled me everyday that I needed you. I’ll never forget that, thank you.

As 2016 came into the picture so did another relationship. I had seen you maybe once between this lull of relationships I had. This time it was someone who also lived back home & as I continued traveling back to see him I found myself feeling pulled back to you more and more. Finally, as summer was coming to an end I decided to cut it off with him because I was still in love with you. I told him everything, how I still felt about you and that I couldn’t do that to someone knowing I would never fully be committed to them. And so the Fall began.

I remember the month or weeks prior to you coming to visit me for the first time I had visited New York by myself. I was on this personal high & felt myself sprouting roots and growing into someone I knew I was meant to be. And all I could, and still do, think about was how you were the one to push me into this growth and transition in life. So a couple weeks later you came to visit me in December. Thinking now how ironic it was that it was around the same time that we first met. I was living in this small, old, basement & you teased me, innocently, for it. I remember walking to go get groceries with you the day you arrived. And on one of the days you were there we got into the African American History Museum on sheer luck! But I knew you were so thrilled. 

After you left, things somewhat dimmed. I ended up traveling to Colombia later on that month to see my family & thats when I decided, internally, to move here. Time passed and we ended up planning for you to come again during March of 2017. Just a week or two before my birthday. I took you to the Zoo & my favorite neighborhood in the city. I remember you accidentally missed your bus back so you had to wait til later that night to go home. And I can’t say I wasn’t happy about that. But I remember pouring my heart out to you that day in my room, your head pressed against my stomach as I held onto you like I was never going to see you again. You were still a man of few words. You had dinner at my job & got in your lyft to the station. I wouldn’t see you again til mid April.

I came down a few times during that spring/summer and you came up once more during the summer with your family. That was after I had moved into my new room & I had just gotten Calvin. You were weird about him because you’re not really a ‘animal person’, but you were cute about it. I remember it was just for one night that I saw you. It was raining horribly & I picked you up at your aunt’s house. We came back to the city and you were hungry but nothing was open, so we had yet another grocery store adventure to add to our list. I remember you met one or two of my roommates and then we headed up to my room. We proceeded to watch Fury, which we never finished because we stopped it and began making love. Although the room was new to me, it was slightly old to the house itself, having a hole in the corner of my ceiling, we could hear the rain leaking in. You, as usual, found humor in it and teased me about it. But that was the last time I actually saw you. 

I traveled home about three more times, making efforts to see you, but never having that effort really come back from you. During the fall I ended up falling for someone else. He was different & I felt you being covered up so well. Things were rocky at the start between he & I, but eventually it became this weird yet passionate love between us. I left home for Colombia on February 20th and we kept our relationship going for a while. It was great but there was a lot of problems as well, and one day something clicked. I fell out of that type of love we had and I didn’t really think about you. But then, little by little, you started haunting my thoughts again. You began popping up in my dreams here and there & then it became almost nightly. I would think about you , but not just a typical thought, it was like we were connecting even though there is this great distance between us. So I decided to message you. I told you how I hadn’t really lost any love for & you told me you didn’t see me in that way.

So I thought to myself , ok well that’s that. But weeks later, here you are, still weighing so heavy on my heart. Flooding my thoughts, making my blood rush and my heart flutter without even being here in the flesh. The thought and memory of you, can’t go away, you’re stuck there. I can’t help but question, still, is this love... ?

[touristguidebuzz]

Everyone Told Me My Traveling Days Were Over Once I Had Kids, But They Were Wrong

It’s no question that being a parent is an incredibly joyful and rewarding experience, even with all the challenges that come from raising two spirited toddlers. My days are filled with all types of craziness as my only form of exercise has become chasing these balls of endless energy around all day (okay, I’m lying, I do try to squeeze in some “me time” and take a barre class when I can). Aside from the love I share for my children, my first passion is one I hold near and dear to my heart — my undying love of travel.

I fell madly in love with the points and miles game sometime in 2010, which only added to my incurable case of wanderlust, and I haven’t stopped since. I remember the “golden days” of award travel like it was yesterday — ridiculous mistake fares, the rush I got when booking and taking a trip on a whim, mileage-running, chasing after that elusive elite status and everything in between. Looking back, the fact that I once took 90 flights in one year (while pregnant the majority of the time), still remains my favorite cocktail-hour conversation starter today. 2013 was the most travel-filled and exciting year of my life. While it all seemed like rainbows and butterflies, I also vividly remember the day I vowed to never mileage-run again. If you know anything at all about pregnancy, let’s just say the smell of the galley as the food was heating up — you know exactly the smell I’m describing — made my stomach churn sometime after flight #42.

As most pregnant women can relate though, as soon as I broke the news of my pregnancy, I was bombarded with all types of friendly “advice.” Whether it be friends, family, my hairdresser or even women behind me in line at the grocery store, everyone always wanted to chime in with in their two cents and offer parenting tips that often stemmed from good intentions. Some even took it upon themselves to tell me my traveling days were over, while others actually went so far as to tell me my life was over. As you can imagine, those comments were about as discouraging as hearing it’s impossible to get back in shape again after delivering a child (which, by the way, was the second-most heard comment in my case). Let’s just say that if I had a mile for every time someone told me it was time to kiss my passport goodbye once I had kids, I’d be a million-miler in the program of my choice. But deep down, I knew it wasn’t the end.

It’s Challenging, But Not as Dreadful As You Think

I’m not going to candy-coat it and say that traveling with babies or young children is easy; in fact, I’ll be the first to admit that it’s darn right tiring and frustrating sometimes — 15-minute in-flight toddler meltdowns take two days off of your life, according to an independent-study done by me.

I’d be lying if I told you I wasn’t initially intimidated by the idea of traveling with my son, and ultimately we waited until he was a big ol’ four months old before taking him to Florida for the weekend. It’s safe to say that experience was much easier than I’d anticipated, so I took my second child on a plane at the ripe age of three weeks; this time, we jumped right onto a six-hour flight to California.

Taking small children on the plane doesn’t have to be a bad experience with the right preparation and attitude. Image courtesy of Angelina Aucello.

Now that my kids have been on dozens of flights and have frequent flyer accounts of their own, when parents ask how I do it, I frankly don’t have a magic answer or secret formula. While the world may make it seem like it’s a scary thing to just pick up and go somewhere with young children, it’s important to remember that with anything in life, how enjoyable things are with your children has a lot to do with the mindset you have as a parent.

Too often, we’ll hear things like “Is it even worth it to travel when the kids are too young to remember?” or “I’ll just wait until the kids are older, when it’s easier and they’ll at least appreciate the places we take them.” Sadly, that’s a lot of waiting. Despite the perception that it’s difficult to travel with young children, who knows what it will be like when they’re older and have school and extracurricular commitments keeping them on the ground. And if you’re waiting for the “perfect moment,” that doesn’t exist. If the will is there, even just a tiny sprinkle of inspiration, just go for it. Never forget how simple it is to just live the life you want to live.

With 100% certainty, I will candidly say that you can have the best of both worlds, but you must accept the fact that the experience will be different. Am I going to stay out until sunrise in Istanbul, wake up in the Presidential Suite at the Grand Hyatt that my friends and I were upgraded to while simultaneously discovering that we’d also booked tickets to Rio de Janeiro during a mistake fare that surfaced sometime between happy hour at the Club Lounge and the walk to the bar? No. Frankly, my body hurts just thinking about that trip. However, I have no shame in saying I happily go to bed at 8:00pm exhausted, but reflecting back on how much fun it was making memories with my family after a full day in the sun and sand with my beach-bum kiddos.

When in doubt, head to the nearest beach. Image courtesy of Angelina Aucello.

Frequent Travel is Part of Our Lives

Just like I dedicated the time it took to understand the nooks and crannies of award travel and to fully make it a lifestyle, I put in the effort it required to make travel a top priority for my family. Traveling with my kids early on exposed them to a new normal, making them more adaptable to new environments and showing them that there is not a single way of doing things in this world. They’re fascinated by the littlest things, are relatively-inexpensive traveling companions — embrace the lap-child days — and best of all, they’re flexible and resilient. Just try having a picky-eater when a giant octopus graces your table at Greek taverna in Crete.

Traveling has always been second nature to my kids from very early on, and it warms my heart seeing how excited and blissfully-happy they are on travel days. Airplanes, hotels and seeing new places are very much part of our everyday life as a family. Let’s not forget that the earlier you start, the quicker they become expert travelers. When kids are used to being on the road, they learn early on what to expect and how to behave properly. But still, let’s be realistic — I don’t have these golden-goose-egg children that people love to say they have — meltdowns are inevitable from time to time, but we survive them and life goes on. While we still cherish our time at home, spending time at the playground and having playdates with other children, we truly look forward to exploring the world together.

Showing your kids the world can be so much fun! Image courtesy of Angelina Aucello.

Traveling Offers an Unparalleled Education

As they say, the best stories are often told between the pages of a passport, and traveling offers children an education that simply cannot be matched. Of course it’s unrealistic to assume that children will remember every single detail of a trip at such a young age, but don’t underestimate the benefits traveling will have on them — I can assure you they will absolutely remember how they felt during the experience, the strong bond they felt with their family, and how special it was creating such lasting emotional impressions.

Traveling also gives you the opportunity to teach young children important life lessons, some that even some adults still need to learn. Children are very curious creatures and have an innocence and tolerance for others — just seeing my own kids interact with other children and embrace different cultures automatically gives everyone a more authentic travel experience. When they have the understanding that different people speak different languages in different places at an early age stimulates open-mindedness they will carry with them for the rest of their lives — not to mention, it’s really cute when they start trying to use new words, too.

I’ll never forget the time my children had a blast playing hide and seek with a little Italian boy in the piazza of Oristano, Sardinia. Seeing the kids giggle and chase each other while not speaking a single word of the same language simply proved that there was no barrier at all between them. Travel allows their curious minds to stay stimulated within new surroundings, all while letting them gain confidence, learn to have patience and grow up with a love for all things adventure.

There’s really no reason not to travel with young kids in tow. Image courtesy of Angelina Aucello.

You’re a Better Person When You Take Care of Yourself

Some may claim it’s selfish to take young kids around the world, but all parents make tremendous sacrifices for their kids on an ongoing basis — it’s so easy to get caught up with caring for others that we will often put ourselves and our own interests on the back burner in order to tend to the needs of our little ones. While it’s never a bad thing to care for your family, you shouldn’t necessarily let go of your own identity and stop doing the things that make you happy either.

Traveling has always been important to me, so the thought of giving it up entirely to start a family just didn’t seem like an attractive deal to me. As with eating well, taking care of my health and learning new skills, I know traveling enhances my overall well-being. I know for a fact that I am a less cranky better mom when I take some time to care for myself. I thrive on traveling, and instead of letting that part of me go, sharing my passion with my kids is the greatest gift I can give them.

Bottom Line

While it may not always be so easy to continue to live the globetrotter lifestyle once there are kids in the picture, it is oh-so-rewarding. Try to think of your new challenge as way to grow as a parent, too. I made the commitment to continue traveling with my children because I hope that one day it can give all of us a broader understanding of the world we live in. Traveling with my little ones also lets me see the world again through a new set of eyes, and allows me to let loose, be playful and totally present in the moment with them. Experiences like these are priceless.

Continuing to do things that make me happy since becoming a mom will hopefully remind my children (especially my daughter) that it’s still possible to have it all once you start a family. I recently came across a thought-provoking quote: “You only have 18 summers with your children, so make them count.” Even if you’re the type of family that can only commit to one trip a year with the kids, go for it. You���ll never know if traveling is right for your family until you try it. Even if you don’t even have kids yet, when somebody tells you to get your traveling in now because those days are over once you have kids, just think about the thousands of families who have continued to travel together over the years. And trust me, there are a lot of them.

While some people will make excuses to put life on hold (with or without kids), it’s usually always a good thing to step out of your comfort zone and pursue your dreams. Because “Hmmm, I wish I traveled less,” said no one ever.

What are your thoughts? Do you have kids and still travel? Please feel free to share some of your insights as well.

All images courtesy of the author.