#I could go on for hoouuuurrrsss

[littledead-ridinghood]

It’s late and I was about to roll over and go to sleep but I was just hit with the idea that Jason grew up alone

As in, though growing up in park row and having built a small community for himself, he doesn’t have many things to track his progress of growth. He doesn’t have any pictures or him losing his first tooth or any elementary school art projects to look back on. He doesn’t have any tiny little Knick knacks or like a favorite stuffed animal that he got to keep into adulthood. He’s childhood is filled with so much death and loneliness so quickly that all the people who would have told stories about all of the silly little kid things he did to adult Jason aren’t around to reminisce with him. So once those memories and outlooks on Jason are gone then they’re gone forever

And then later on: after Jason died, Bruce took down all the memories of Jason like he was trying to erase him from their memories. Bruce probably tried to purposely forget memories of them together and destroy photos and other objects of Jason from the ~2.5 yrs Jason lived at the manor because they were too painful to deal with therefore those memory markers are Also Gone

And then finally in the last chunk of his childhood, Jason’s catatonic and then on his world tour still mainly alone. And he’s so mission focused, he’s not building actually “coming of age” memories and social skills for the adult world and all that jazz that would be so crucial to entering the real world as a young adult. He doesn’t have his senior year project or stupid memories with stupid friends doing stupid things. He doesn’t have memories of being able to just being a person because everything has always been about needing to stay alive and survive

Like his favorite memory is Bruce Putting. Off. His. Mission. To stay inside with Jason when he’s sick. Him doing the bare minimum of putting Jason first when he’s ill is Jason’s favorite memory from childhood. And it’s so sad that one act of basic kindness is all Jason latched onto as a child. Because people putting him first was and still is a rarity. And people being nice to him isn’t a thing. So Bruce choosing to stay with Jason when Jason was so ready to think Bruce would just leave for patrol stuck with him because, for once, he was the more important thing

And then he gave up that memory!!!!!

I’m so emotional over the fact that Jason has nothing to look back on to see how he’s grown and changed. Like does he even remember what he looked liked at certain stages of his life??? There’s nothing to show for it. And the possibility that he Could Of had Something to show for his life except that those almost memories were stolen from him and the memories he Could Of had were destroyed