#I demand more queer love stories in country music videos!!

[outlawwolfe]

I am very emotional

[dezzy-137]

Sad and Struggling

I don’t normally do blog posts on this site, but i am struggling and need to get this out.

Amidst the backdrop of what is going on in this country, I am faced with a tough decision on whether to end my friendship with my best friend, who I will refer to as A. 

I met A about 13 years ago when we both worked for the same company and I was essentially his assistant at a popular freight carrier. We are now and have always been very different people, and often we would remark at how our friendship “shouldn’t make sense.” It just did. He is an older white, straight, cis man who is married, has 4 kids, and his life and responsibilities are completely different than mine. I am a little younger than him, Hispanic, queer, female, and single with no children. What started out as a funny dynamic at work where we bonded over music and made silly jokes, turned into a deep friendship. Him and his wife have a great trusting marriage (which is excedingly rare) and she was cool with us going to bars and clubs (mostly gay ones) to dance and have a few drinks. In turn, our friendship deepened, and his wife M, and I have become really close, along with their grown daughters who have turned to me for support, kind of like a quirky Aunt. this has been a fulfilling friendship and their family as a whole has gotten me through some rough times in my life. I consider them to be like my chosen family.

This all began to deteriorate over the last 4 or 5 years. I can’t quite pinpoint the turning point or exactly the beginning, but I feel like we began to decline as A struggled with being in a high paying but physically and emotionally demanding job. I’ve seen him withdraw and really not reach out to me or us hang out like we normally did. He began to depend on alcohol a lot, and no matter what I did, it just wasn’t the same as before. He would say certain things like “i know I’m not being a good friend. . .” This would be frustrating because on one hand, I would be sympathetic that he is unhappy and struggling, but on the other hand, he would make no moves to improve our friendship. 

during this time, I began to spend more time with his wife M. She is kind of the antithesis to her husbands personality. While A, has always enjoyed being a lovable asshole, M is kind, loving, and mild mannered. She had a fairly traumatic childhood, to the point where I am in awe that she remained so tender and lion hearted after everything she’s been through. She’s been a true ally. 

This all culminated when Trump was elected. . . . 

I have very strong political stances, I like to be politically aware and up to date on what is going on in my country. For the record, I despise Trump. He is everything wrong in this country. To quote a well known activist in the Black Lives Matter movement, “this country is on fire, and Trump that lit the match. “ I don’t believe has done anything good for this country. NOT ONE THING. I believe he is a rapist, racist, misogynist, xenophobic piece of shit. There is a laundry list of his misdeeds, hypocrisy, lies, and in the midst of this pandemic he is inciting violence in this country. There is no ambiguity about this in my point of view. 

to be fair, I have never been one to thrust my beliefs on someone else. As I wouldn’t want anyone to do that to me. I have several friends, where we don’t exactly align or we just believe in different things. Some of that just doesn’t affect me or i have to let them do their own thing. 

A has always been fairly liberal, at least out loud. He has high standards of the people around him, but thought he has a “live and let live” mentality. I knew he didn’t really like Obama, but was under the impression from the small conversations we had at the time, that his stance had to do with healthcare. 

I never would have imagined that i would find out that A voted for Trump. I couldn’t understand, why in the world he would vote for him. He had a staunch position on Hillary, and he pulled the whole “but her emails!” It just seemed so far in the other direction, especially since he has 4 daughters and a progressive wife that he would pick a person who is openly misogynistic as well as a sexual predator. Not to mention his stances on race, and an economy that has effected him and his family’s finances. 

i was convinced by a mutual friend that you just gotta let him believe what he’s going to believe, and for a long time I let it go. I felt like I knew this guy. We’ve cried, laughed, shared many meals and deep personal secrets. We’ve been intensely vulnerable with each other, and I felt like he’s a good man, husband, and father. We will just not discuss politics. 

Cue to a few years ago, when there was the beginning of the Me Too Movement. I feel strongly about this as I have been a victim of sexual abuse, harrassment, and have been touched without my consent. I have told him this story and he’s also been witness to his wife’s story, who has been through the same thing. I posted my story onto Facebook, and imagine my shock and hurt when he made a joke about it. I called him out on it, and he apologized, but it’s something that stuck with me. I forgave but never forgot.

A few weeks ago, before the protests, we got into another online fight when I posted something about the people who are protesting the lock downs. You see the videos of these privileged people who want haircuts and to go to bars and restaurants, and I am appalled at their stupidity, lack of medical knowledge, and overall ignorance. Not to mention the white privilege of those who stormed capital buildings with assault weapons and blocked entrance to hospitals. 

Once again, I was blindsided when A stood up for them and said it wouldn’t save us and that he thought the mask thing was stupid. It’s not that serious and he resents having to be told to wear one for his job. I went off on him, and told him that i thought he was being ridiculous when so many people are dying and his illustrious president let this happen. It was so heated, that i thought that it was the end of our friendship. I was so frustrated that this person who I thought I knew so well, was literally one of those people you see in videos coughing in people’s faces and saying its all a hoax and that we are sheep. 

I didn’t reach out to him and figured that was that. My friendship with M seemed to be intact, and even though I remained hurt, I needed to move forward. 

Yesterday, A texted me and told me he missed me. This struck me dumb, since we left our previous argument unresolved and he was acting like it never happened. I was reluctant but tried to have some perspective and tried to forgive him. 

Then today . . .I posted on FB about Trumps call for military intervening in the protests. We have all seen the countless videos, posts, and such about the brutality that the police and national guard are committing against peaceful protests. It’s there in full view and if you cannot not see that, its hard to make sense of how you can be on the other side of this. He condemned my views, and praised Trump. This enraged me. I told him he needed to educate himself and learn who the real criminals are. He told me, I’ll believe what I believe and vice versa. Dismissive. 

i was shaking and my blood was boiling, not to mention that I felt like my heart was breaking as I saw this man who I love dearly and he’s spouting this. How do I reconcile this person in comparison to these abhorrent beliefs. Am I perpetuating this judgement by wanting to end our friendship because we don’t believe the same thing? Am I ending/complicating my friendship/relationship with M and their family by ending my friendship with him? Is this the kind of woman I want to be who has strong beliefs, but doesn’t have the courage to back them up by continuing my friendship with someone who’s values are diametrically opposed to mine? I think Trump is banking on the dividing this country, and am I falling into this paradigm because this is dividing someone who I have considered like my brother?

I always want my heart to be ready to do the right thing? i can’t be blind to the injustices that I am seeing everyday. These directly effect me, my family, people I love. This country, my future, the future of this world. 

What do I do?

[wavelengthintl]

Top Tracks Of 2017

10. Rico Nasty - Glo Bottles

The story of DMV (D.C., Maryland, Virginia) rapper Rico Nasty is pretty remarkable. She released her first mixtape when she was 16 and still in high school. At some point during her senior year she became pregnant, however the baby’s father, who she describes as her best friend, died before he even knew he was going to have a child. She sunk into a depression, barely graduated, and was a single mom at the age of 18. After her child was 10 months old she started rapping again, and grinded from obscurity to the soundtrack of the Fate Of The Furious, the soundtrack of HBO’s Insecure, and this year’s top 40 rap albums list on Rolling Stone Magazine. This was all done without the support of a major label. When she talks about things like now having a “new whip every day” you genuinely feel happy for her as a person.

9. Pabllo Vittar - K.O.

Pabllo Vittar is an openly gay Brazilian drag queen who is now officially the most followed drag queen on Instagram, surpassing even RuPaul. She was bullied in school as a teen for her feminine voice and demeanour, then began doing drag at the age of 18. In 2014 she was discovered via YouTube and made her first television appearance. Her fame began to skyrocket the following year after releasing “Open Bar,” a Portuguese version of Major Lazer’s “Lean-On.” This year Major Lazer compounded her notoriety even further by featuring her in their original production “Sua Cara.” She was also featured on Charlie XCX's Pop 2 album, had the most-in-demand song of Brazil’s carnival, signed an official deal with Coca Cola Brazil, and cracked 100 million plays on both of her single releases. Her heavy usage of LBGTQ-affirming imagery and her vocal criticism of some of the countries conservative figures have made her a rallying point for Brazil's LBGTQ population, as well as those disillusioned with the encroaching conservative political establishment.

8. Lil Pump - Flex Like Ouu

Seventeen-year-old Florida Rapper Lil Pump is a lot like a Marvel movie. If you go into a Marvel movie looking for something that’s a dead-ringer to the comics you’re going to be disappointed. You have to just interpret each movie as its own thing, independent from the comics. Similarly, when you approach the music of Lil Pump you have to forget about rap music. Forget about Kendrick, forget about Big L and all those other old-head icons, and just interpret this music as existing inside a vacuum. When you do that it becomes more apparent why the sound of artists like Pump and Smokepurpp have become so infectious. A lot of times when artists try to add energy to a track they do so by being obnoxious, with brostep being perhaps the most egregious example of this. These artists, on the other hand, figured out how to create incredibly hype tracks by taking the stripped-down nature of trap music and adding this highly repetitive lyrical delivery. It’s a formula that’s really simple and efficient, and also easy for other Soundcloud rappers to replicate. I see a lot of similarities between the music of Lil Pump and genres like grime and kuduro. Even though it’s built off of hip-hop it’s essentially its own thing. The reason why old-heads are angry is because this isn’t happening in East London or Angola, it’s happening on American soil. Old-heads are shook at the prospect of someone in their own backyard gaining notoriety by yelling the same three words over and over while being associated with rap. Meanwhile the rest of the world is like hey welcome to the club we had this like 15 years ago.

7. Ski Mask The Slump God - Catch Me Outside

According to Pigeons & Planes, 21-year-old Ski Mask The Slump God is one of the most “inventive and compelling” figures to emerge from the rising school of Florida rappers, and for good reason. If anyone can reconcile the growing gap between old heads and fans of new-school rap it’s him. According to Ski Mask himself he’s lyrical, but not lyrical. In other words he has the intricately crafted wordplay that old heads value, but he delivers it with the based “I don’t really care what I’m saying” aspect of the new school. The music video itself is a testament to his ability to unite both worlds. His decision to rap over the 1999 Missy Elliott and Timbaland beat for “She’s A Bitch” earned praise from Missy Elliott herself. Ski Mask was also praised by Isaiah Rashad, who said he was upset at “how tight this nigga Slump God is.” On the other hand, the video appears on the channel of video producer Cole Bennett, one of the central hubs for the emerging new wave of rap. Two of Ski Mask’s recent tracks, “My Mind” and “Achoo!” have veered off into more experimental territory, signalling that this artists definitely harbours surprises that remain to be seen in the new year.

6. Shy Luv - Lungs

One time on a 20+ minute drive home I listened to this song on repeat the entire way, then when I pulled up to my house I sat in the car and listened to it like four times, then I went inside and listened to it again. Anytime a song provokes that reaction it's a good indication that it should probably be on some year end list.

5. Lorde - Perfect Places

Pretty much everyone who listens to music in this solar system was in unanimous agreement that Lorde’s sophomore release "Melodrama" is a masterpiece. This is evidenced by the grammy nomination for Album of the Year, numerous top 10 finishes in “best albums of 2017” lists, and Rolling Stone Magazine comparing her to Kate Bush. For a major pop release it has a tremendous level of depth and intellectualism that far surpasses Lorde’s age of 21.  A problem that some major pop artists face is switching to some trendy micro-genre then sounding unnatural, like the time Justin Bieber threatened to release a dubstep track, the first time Katy Perry did trap, or Lady Gaga going Americana to tap into the normie market. On Melodrama every track sounds like Lorde, and being able to firmly establish such a dynamic musical identity at that young of an age is also a testament to her power level. This could legitimately be the rise of the next Kate Bush.

4. Tei Shi - Keep Running

In 2015 I listed Argentinian-Canadian singer Tei-Shi’s song “Bassically” as my top song of the year. That track was one of the main reasons why pop music is still one of my most listened-to genres. It represented this whole movement that year of pop music’s indie side coming into the foreground, or of pop music with a high degree of artistic value suddenly becoming visible. At the time, I described it as pop music coming into its own. The same could be said of Tei Shi now, except this time she has an entire debut album “Crawl Space” to back it up. Her music continues to showcase the depth that pop music on the whole can have, and why it’s no longer the anathema of the underground, but an extension of it.

3. Charlotte Day Wilson - Work

Nylon Magazine called 24-year-old Canadian singer Charlotte Day Wilson “the next best thing out of Toronto.” The Star described her essence as “subdued soul, rich vocal texture and instrumental acuity.” According to Now Toronto she’s become a queer icon in the city, and she hopes to create space for women in music to flourish. I think one of my favourite memories from last year was wandering the streets of Budapest listening to this song on repeat.

2. Austra - I Love You More Than You Love Yourself

This was definitely a Facebook newsfeed discovery. Austra is a four-piece band from Toronto fronted by Katie Stelmanis. This song is from the group’s album “Future Politics,” and according to the album’s page on Domino Records it’s a “collection of urgent, but disciplined anthems for dancefloor and headphones, [and] asks each of us to remember that apocalypse is not an inevitability, but the product of human decision-making.” Although the write-up goes on to describe the album in ways that make it seem like a manifesto, I definitely heard “Utopia,” the album’s other main single, playing in Earl’s once. It will probably end up on some Netflix show at some point. This is the power of pop music, it can make critical statements but still be accessible at the same time.

1. Lil Uzi Vert - XO Tour Llif3

Last year, for the first time in history, hip-hop dethroned rock as the most consumed genre in the U.S., and I think it’s largely because of artists like Uzi Vert.

I held off on writing this one for a while because I wanted to actually do research to find out why emo rap in particular seems to have become the soundtrack of the contemporary urban youth. Thankfully I didn’t have to search too far, because this Pitchfork article (link below) perfectly summarizes it.

Unlike gangster rappers and some earlier trap rappers, emo rap has an aesthetic that doesn’t only speak to one demographic, but rather to the struggles that youth often face on the whole. Whereas rap music previously presented black communities as bastions of lawlessness governed by hyper masculinity and street bravado, lines like “Please Xanny make it go away” transcend racial boundaries and redefine the notion of how black men should present themselves in the performance of hip-hop.

In terms of the actual construction of the music itself, I think it’s worth noting that the spacey, atmospheric nature of Uzi Vert’s beats basically came from a subculture on Soundcloud that couldn’t find anything to relate to in their immediate environment, so they turned to the internet. This is evidenced by Uzi Vert citing Marilyn Manson as one of his biggest influences.

These beats, combined with the subject matter, combined with the anime-inspired outfits, mean that emo hip-hop right now is speaking to the largest population segment out of any genre. In 2018 old heads are going to keep being angry at music like this, but while they’re 45-years-old complaining in a basement somewhere, listening to Naughty By Nature, drinking AGD and playing Goldeneye 64, the rest of the world is experiencing rappers like Uzi Vert taking hip-hop to completely new heights.

https://pitchfork.com/…/1481-to-be-young-angsty-and-black-…/