#sobbing bc I rewatched it again

[outlawwolfe]

I am very emotional

[baeshijima]

bitches will still be crying over the high-cloud quintet at 2 am months later and never get over them

its me. im bitches.

[tianhai03]

been wanting to draw luis for a while now

(no context re4r spoilers under the cut)

i just really wanted to draw this if im being honest.

[1000sunnygo]

Or try your hand at doodling old blorbos

[sunsetsandsunshine]

Heyyyyy guys ✨🩷🫨🔥‼️ Just wanted to say that I’m officially re-opening my inbox! So feel free to drop in tickle prompts or sumthin 💞💕🥳 (you don’t have to if you don’t want to obvs)‼️‼️‼️

[wormsdyke]

3am pacing around the room in a heated debate with myself over which movie should fill the 4th slot on my letterboxd profile

[hella1975]

ladybird was so real for the mum and daughter just violently hurling the most atrocious comments back and forth at each other like a nuclear game of hot potato and the dad just sitting there saying absolutely nothing like 😐👀

[tvrningout-a]

don't mind me, i'm just thinking about two characters being torn apart from each other unexpectedly and their resulting determination to find one another; the miles of terrain crossed, battles fought, letters written that cannot reach an unknown address, stubborn hope questioned by those around them; the reunion that maybe starts off slow, disbelief freezing previously eager legs, but then they can't simply be close enough, hands clutching, arms crushing, faces hidden in shoulders and joy muttered against familiar skin; " i never stopped looking for you. " " i knew you'd find me. "

i'm also thinking about two characters being torn apart from each other unexpectedly and that determination to find one another dwindling over the years, hope chipped away every passing season until they accept that they're lost and maybe always will be. they're miles apart but always on each others' mind, like a song they can't get out of their head -- life goes on, but they cannot forget, holding onto a memory perhaps to the frustration of those around them. maybe their paths nearly cross a few times, though they're none the wiser, until one day. one day they hear a familiar name, see a familiar face. or maybe they hear a familiar voice, pushing through a crowded street and searching, searching, searching --- all the determination returns, frantic as the beating of their heart. and there they stand, alive and well and older and different but still them.

i'm thinking about two characters being torn apart from each other and the connection between them that can't be broken by any force or amount of distance or time, and i am so so unwell y'all

[jemmo]

i don’t know how else to describe eternal yesterday, and the profound affect watching it has had on me, other than it’s the most quietly heart-breaking show I’ve possibly ever seen. It presents its subject matter so simply and plainly in a way that makes it feel huge, overwhelmingly huge, painfully huge. It’s premise is not for supernatural drama, it isn’t played up, not laughed at or exaggerated or used to give things more unnecessary emotional weight, it simply gives physicality to the real experience of letting someone go, to having to let someone go, to having to let go, and the indescribable pain of it that you can’t truly know until you’ve experienced it. It’s a glimpse into this short period of time, less than a week, that is so private to them, and is so concentrated with emotion, that truly does feel like time stopped, holding on, the fear of the moment passing, so instead the pain of it is just dragged out. You think of course they should do this, fight for every last second they can have together, but then you come to realise this life after death, this impossible extension, its a curse just as much as it is a miracle. We always wish we could know when we are going to lose someone so we can take that chance to say goodbye, but is that easier or harder? how do we wrestle with the pain of holding on but the pain of letting go? its a situation we cannot win, its simply a situation that has to happen, and we have to let time tick on. 

there’s so many moments i want to bring attention to in this series but i’ll hold back and just talk on the 4 that feel the most special to me. first, a personal one, because in so many ways oumi reminds me of myself, and never has that been more true than the line “honestly, i feel comfortable when i’m alone. and i hate myself for being comfortable”. i cant think of another character that has embodied this anxiety i have in myself so much, and so simply, this ridiculous contradiction of being so at peace in your own company and despising that peace sometimes, wishing it wasn’t so peaceful, so maybe you wouldn’t be alone, maybe you’d do something, go out there, find people and things to do, and yet all that time maybe you’d be thinking “i’d like it so much better now if i was at home by myself”. its kind of ridiculous, and maybe people like us do need a koichi to be the company in our lonely peace, but yeah... i just have never felt so seen by a show before.

secondly, that final conversation oumi has with his father, because this whole time the situation feels so insular. even though other people know, and other people love koichi, and koichi loves other people, this is about oumi and koichi, and no one can truly understand the immensity of what those two are feeling in that moment. its like i said, you cant understand it unless you’re in it, unless you’ve experienced it. and yet, at the end, this minorly present, distant father comes in and says “what you’re going through, i went through that too”. and its the kind of conversation that doesn’t happen because they’ve both experienced this supernatural phenomenon of a love one existing after death, it happens because they’ve both lost people they’ve loved, and that something thats universal, and the people watching don’t need to have experienced anything supernatural to empathise with that. its when the audience truly realise that this story might be insular to them, but the story has also been told infinite times by countless people, and such the emotion of it is both theirs and everyones.

third, i think my heart actually crumbled to pieces when koichi said someone could have 2 number 1s. its his phrase, he loves mitchan the most, mitchan is his number 1. and its only given more weight when oumi says it back, and even more so when we hear his ending lines, about always wanting to be number 1 to someone, and that someone being his number 1 too, and how much of a miracle that is. for that same person, knowing he has to leave that person he loves the most, to say you can have 2 number 1s, saying to oumi its ok, you can move on, in the future you can have people that are precious to you, thats so fucking beautiful, and is an act of such love i cant even put it into words. you can feel so guilty sometimes for moving on from a loved one, for even feeling like you’re replacing them, so that gesture, that permission, that almost request, to not lose happiness and love because you’re losing them, to let yourself be happy again, because thats the biggest gift you could give to those you lose, thats just beautiful. 

and finally, the moments in episode 6 where koichi is starting to disappear, and when people start to walk into rooms and not see him, i don’t think i’ve ever seen such a good metaphor for what its like to have a same-sex partner and for them to never truly be seen as your partner. because when that nurse walked in and was just talking to oumi, like koichi wasn’t there and yet he was, and oumi got so mad because thats the most important person in his life how dare you not see him, how dare you ignore him. i think it was him saying ignore that connected it for me, because thats what its like when you walk in with a same sex partner and you’re not recognised or seen as a couple. I thought to myself if this nurse walked in and oumi was sat with a girl, how he’d instantly be asked if its his girlfriend, but no he’s sat with a boy so you dont even bother asking, either because you dont think to or dont want to. we get flashes of it throughout the show with people not knowing about their relationship or the relationship between the teachers, how the gay is hidden. and with koichi gone but not gone, he’s like a ghost in oumi’s world, and i feel like that’s what it can feel like sometimes, walking around with someone you feel like no one else can see when theyre all you can see. theyre there but no one draws attention to them, no one wants to acknowledge them or it, the relationship, the ghost in the room, to the point you want to scream they do exist, how dare you think they dont. and when oumi gets angry on koichi’s behalf, thats what happens, thats what it can sometimes feel like experiencing homophobia. its horrid and angering and you want to scream because how dare they do that to the most important person in the world but theyre at peace with it. koichi has accepted his fate much like someone learns to accept hate and harrasment, they become at peace with it. and you can get angry all you like but that doesn’t change anything, that doesnt stop it from happening, thats what it feels like. you get that when you lose someone, you get angry when other people have moved on when you cant, you wont, you dont want to, you think why dont people care anymore, how can they be so unfair and unkind and unfeeling, which is why its shocking that themes of loss can mirror these queer experiences, where a partner can feel invisible to everyone even when their heart is beating. thats why i think this blending of actual loss and actual invisibility with queerness being hidden and unseen is just heart-breaking genius.

this show is heavy, and has honestly brought out in me one of the most condensed visceral reactions to media ive ever had. i feel sad, i feel drained, i feel broken. ive cried so much, and my sadness is physical, my heart hurts, it feels heavy. and yet... i do feel at peace. i feel at peace with this sadness because its something you have to learn to do in life. these experiences are inevitable and ive always tried to avoid these heavier shows, things i know will hurt and make me sad and feel things, where there isn’t a core of happiness, a good ending to keep you together. but sometimes it has to be embraced to see the beauty in it, because as koichi said, despite what happens, despite the tragedy and sadness and loss, at the core of the story if two people meeting and falling in love, and how that simple, human connection, that we all have, is a miracle, so treasure it. 

[elektroblues]

leaning on everlasting arms beating amazing grace as most criable hymn kinda...........

[outer-edges]

HIVE DAISY ARC HIVE DAISY ARC HIVE DAISY ARC HIVE DAISY ARC

[its-tea-time-darling]

it’s another day of shaking my fists at wes ball/whoever made the call to make the flare into zombie disease instead of what it is in the books

[peridotite]

excuse me why havent u watched the su finale hello???? 😭 its been TWO YEARS?

[ziracona]

I’m almost done with season one. SO excited about how season 2 is gonna wreck my ass!!

[undercoverangell]

sniffs a little staring at the dropout page for fantasy high. you were taken too soon.

[runestele]

🫶🏼🫶🏼🫶🏼