#I did not consent to being Known on this monday in march

[kingedmundsroyalmurder]

i am attending a 2 day online intensive workshop thing for a project we're doing. My coworker who was supposed to be doing the workshop wasn't able to go, so i stepped in at the last minute. It's a lot of getting in touch with yourself and your organization and your community, as a way to build the skillsets to form outside partnerships.

Which is all good and fine and valid, but I am already allergic to being Perceived. Being open and vulnerable over zoom first thing on a monday morning to strangers is... not my jam.

[cyarsk52-20]

Sounds About White: Oklahoma Sheriff Says Recording Of Officials Discussing Killing Reporters Was Illegal

Denver Sean

A southeastern Oklahoma sheriff’s office says the recording in which the sheriff and others are reportedly heard discussing killing two journalists was illegal and predicted felony charges will be filed.

via Huffington Post:

A statement on the sheriff’s office Facebook page, the first public statement since the comments by Sheriff Kevin Clardy and others were reported by the McCurtain Gazette-News, does not address the recorded comments about killing journalists and hanging Black people, but calls the situation “complex” and one “we regret having to address.”

The statement calls the past 72 hours “amongst the most difficult and disruptive in recent memory” and says the recording was altered and involves many victims.

“There is and has been an ongoing investigation into multiple, significant violation(s) of the Oklahoma Security of Communications Act … which states that it is illegal to secretly record a conversation in which you are not involved and do not have the consent of at least one of the involved parties,” according to the statement.

Joey Senat, a journalism professor at Oklahoma State University, said under Oklahoma law, the recording would be legal if it were obtained in a place where the officials being recorded did not have a reasonable expectation of privacy.

Bruce Willingham, the longtime publisher of the McCurtain Gazette-News, said the recording was made March 6 when he left a voice-activated recorder inside the room after a county commissioner’s meeting because he suspected the group was continuing to conduct county business after the meeting had ended in violation of the state’s Open Meeting Act.

Willingham said he twice spoke with his attorneys to be sure he was doing nothing illegal.

The newspaper released portions of the recording in which Clardy, sheriff’s Capt. Alicia Manning and District 2 County Commissioner Mark Jennings appear to discuss Bruce and Chris Willingham, a reporter for the newspaper who is Bruce Willingham’s son. Jennings tells Clardy and Manning “I know where two deep holes are dug if you ever need them,” and the sheriff responded, “I’ve got an excavator.”

Jennings also reportedly says he’s known “two or three hit men” in Louisiana, adding “they’re very quiet guys.”

In the recording, Jennings also appears to complain about not being able to hang Black people, saying: “They got more rights than we got.”

Jail Administrator Larry Hendrix was also present during the conversation.

The Associated Press could not immediately verify the authenticity of the recording. None of the four have returned telephone calls or emails from The Associated Press.

A spokesperson for the FBI’s office in Oklahoma City said the agency’s policy is not to confirm or deny any ongoing investigation. Phil Bacharach, a spokesperson for Oklahoma Attorney General Gentner Drummond, said the agency had received an audio recording and is investigating the incident, but declined to comment further.

Oklahoma Gov. Kevin Stitt and state Rep. Eddy Dempsey, a Republican who represents the area, have called for Clardy, Manning, Jennings and Hendrix to resign.

More than 100 people gathered outside the McCurtain County Courthouse in Idabel on Monday, with many of them calling for the sheriff and other county officials to resign.

The sheriff’s office statement said there have been “a large number of threats of violence including death threats” against unspecified county employees, officials, their families and friends since the conversation was first reported.

The statement said the sheriff’s office will issue news releases until its investigation concludes “and findings are forwarded to the appropriate authorities for felony charges to be filed on those involved.”

This is upsetting, but not surprising.

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[spencessmile]

Let Me In

Pairing - Spencer Reid x Reader 

Summary - Spencer takes you to visit his mother but it doesn’t go as planned.  

Warnings - Angst & Fluff 

Word Count -  2,510 words

All imagines/fanfics/blurbs are written solely by me so please don't steal my work and post it without my consent. 

Feedback and comments are always welcome. Happy reading! 

Requests are open!

**  

Even though you've been to Las Vegas for a couple of cases, but after profiling and catching unsubs you want nothing more than to go home so you never got the chance to spend any time exploring the city. 

You and Spencer landed in Las Vegas on Friday. Spencer dragged you around between Saturday and Sunday showing you some places here and there and all of his favorite places. 

It was Monday morning and you found yourself putting on too many layers of clothes. You looked out the window and noticed the trees blowing, indicating that it was windy. Even though it was almost March the forecast was between 36 to 40 degrees. You were used to cold weather but after being in warm weather and suddenly finding yourself in a colder environment, it completely messed with your body. 

"One steaming cup of coffee for my love," Spencer put the cup down, wrapping his hands around your waist. 

"Spence," You groaned. "Why is it so cold?" Spencer snuggled his neck into your shoulder. 

"We live in Virginia," He chuckled. 

You looked at him through the mirror. "Yeah, so?" 

"Virginia is way colder than Vegas." 

"Were in Nevada, this is the desert," You say. "It's not supposed to be this cold."

"Baby, the desert is known for the temperatures dropping below freezing." 

"Yeah whatever you say genius," You mumbled. "I'm still cold by the way," Spencer moved to his closet and pulled out a long royal blue scarf. He wrapped it nicely around your neck, pulling your hair out watching it loosely fall into your shoulders. 

"How about now?" He asked, raising his eyebrow. 

"Ohhh," You said, snuggling your chin in the incredibly soft scarf. "Much better." 

"Good," He said, kissing your cheek. "Have your coffee and then we'll get going, alright?" You nodded. 

You and Spencer have been dating for three years and Spencer told you about the condition of his mother. A couple of months into dating you introduced Spencer to your parents but you never pushed to meet his mother knowing the situation. You know that Spencer would take you to meet her whenever he felt the time was right. 

**

Your head was in Spencer's lap, as you both were watching a random movie on TV.

"Can I ask you something?" Spencer suddenly asked, you turned your face towards his. 

"Fire away." 

Spencer played with your hair, lingering with his thoughts. You reached up for his face. "What's wrong?" 

"Would you want to meet my mother?" You were taken back by his sudden question and Spencer took notice, immediately.  

It was at times like this that being an FBI profiler, sucked. You and Spencer read each other super quickly. You both promised each other that when you started dating that you would never profile each other but it's easier said than done. 

"Why did you ma-" 

"No," You sat up quickly and stopped him before he could continue. "I'm just taken back because you asked so suddenly." 

"Are you not ready to meet her?" He asked. 

"It's not that." 

"When what?" 

"Spence," You held his hands. "Just because you met my parents, I don't want you to feel that you have to introduce me to your mom. I want you to introduce me whenever you feel ready. I don't care if that takes seconds, minutes, days, weeks, months, or decades. I want to meet her when you feel comfortable. I will never push you." 

Spencer pulled you in for a hug, "I love you."

"I love you too," You pulled back. 

"Can I tell you something?" 

"Yeah." 

"I'm comfortable with you meeting my mom." 

"Then I'd love to meet the woman who raised you." 

**

You and Spencer got to the facility where his mom was, but before opening the door Spencer pulled at your hand, halting your steps towards. 

"What's wrong?" You asked, the wind blowing your hair. 

"Before we go inside I need to know if you're okay with this?" 

"I'm fine." 

"I never know what type of day she is having but I always hope for the best Y/N," Spencer says. "I just don't want her to terrify you or say something that might offend you because she can sometimes do that." 

"That's not her talking," You spoke. "That's the medications she's on." 

"I know," Spencer nodded. "I just hope she's having a good day." 

"Well if she is having a bad day, I'm sure it'll turn around once she sees this beautiful face," You said, squishing Spencer's face and he lightly laughed. "Come on, I want to meet the lovely woman you raised such a dorky, intelligent, and handsome man whom I love so much." 

You reached up on your tiptoes and gave him a kiss, and you felt him relax. Spencer took a deep breath lacing his hand with yours. 

Spencer stepped into the facility first and you followed. There was a woman standing at the door and she greeted Spencer with a wide smile. You flashed the woman your ID and she nodded. 

"Spencer I should warn you about your mother's condition before you go in to see her," She said holding her clipboard. 

"Dr. D's/N, I already know the condition of my mother." You could feel Spencer tense up beside you. 

"There have been rece-" 

"If I have any further concerns I will speak to you," Spencer led you down the hall and stopped in front of the beige-colored door. Spencer carefully stepped into the room and you followed. Sitting on a chair near the bed was a woman, who was flipping through, what looked like a scrapbook. She had short blonde hair and was wearing a flannel pajama with a hoodie. 

"Hi mom," Spencer said softly, not wanting to startle his mom. She immediately closed the book and moved her chair further back. 

"Spencer?" She questioned. "What are you doing here?" 

"I came to see you," He said walking up to her. She flashed him a small smile and hugged Spencer. They stayed hugging each other for a few moments and you couldn't help but stare. Spencer's mom noticed you were staring and pulled back. 

"Spencer, who on earth is that? Why is she staring?" She pointed to you. 

"Mom," Spencer motioned for you to come closer. "This is Y/N, my girlfriend," You took a step forward. 

"No!" She said looking away from you. "Don't come any closer." 

"Hey, hey," Spencer said, putting his hands on his mom's shoulders. "It's okay, she's not going to hurt you. She's with me." 

You didn't move an inch from your spot. "Ms. Reid, it-" 

"Do not say my name from that disgusting mouth of yours!" She yelled at you. "Spencer get her out of here!" 

"Mom what are you doing?" Spencer said looking at his mom with concern, helping her sit down. "She's harmless," Spencer looked back at you. "Y/N, come here," You just continued to look at Spencer's mom. 

"NO!" She yelled, starting to panic. "She was here all last night! She was watching me through the door! I saw her, Spencer!" 

"Mom sh-" 

"She tried to kill me last night, she stood by the door all last night!" Spencer's mom threw a flower vase at you, but your quick reflexes were faster as you moved out of the way, watching it shatter into pieces beside you. 

"Mom, what are you doing?!" Spencer asked as she continued to throw things at you. 

"Spence, it's okay," You finally said. "I'll go, I'll just wait outside. It's okay." 

"Y/N, no wait," As Spencer tried to grab your hand Spencer's mom grabbed him by the arm. 

"Do not follow that wicked evil woman! She's pure evil. She tried to kill me last night Spencer!” 

"Mom Y/N didn't try to kill you last night. She was wit-" He tried to explain. 

"Noooooooooo!!!" She yelled. Before you could even leave the room, nurses came rushing it. You decided to give them space and walked out of the facility. You walked outside until you saw a bench. 

You sat down waiting for Spencer. The wind had picked up a bit so you put your hands in your pocket and leaned your head towards your knees, looking down at your shoes. It stayed like that for a while until you heard the facility doors open. 

"Y/N?" You heard someone call out for you, you stood up and saw Spencer standing on the steps. "Y/N?" He called out to you again. 

"Spence!" You waved your hand until he caught your attention. As soon as he noticed you he ran to you as fast as his feet allowed him. He pulled you in for a hug immediately. 

"Are you okay?" You ask, rubbing his back and he pulled back.

"I should be asking you that." 

"I'm fine," You answer. 

You knew Spencer had a lot on his mind, you guided him towards the bench and sat down. Neither of you said anything. You could tell Spencer was building his walls. When he built walls he pushed everyone out, that included; you. 

Over the years you were the person Spencer would talk to everything about, you were his person. He shared almost everything with you. You once pushed Spencer to tell you about his family since you knew nothing about them and Spencer refused but you kept pushing and pushing, little did you know that while you pushed Spencer he had silently built up a wall from ever talking about his family. 

When Morgan and JJ told you about Spencer's mother, you immediately apologized for pushing. Ever since then you never brought it up. 

"Spence, you built up these walls when it comes to your mother and family. I will never understand how you feel," It was true, you would never know how he feels on a daily basis about his family but you always try to be there for him. "I know it's difficult for you to talk about it with people but you can't block me out. You have to let me in." 

Spencer laid his head on your shoulder, not saying anything but letting you know he heard you. 

"I'm so sorry," Spencer finally spoke up. 

"No," You said. "Don't you dare apologize to me." 

"I didn't know she was having a bad day or that she would say those things to you. If I had known I would have never brought you here to meet her." 

"Spence there is no way you could have known that she was having a bad day." 

"She's been confused when she meets new people but she's never thrown flower vases at them. I don't why she started to act that way. And the things she said to you," Spencer stopped to look at you. 

"I didn't take any offense to her words Spencer," You say, quietly. "We've had unsubs say shitter things to us and we're still here." You laughed. 

"I just didn't want her hurting you." 

"She didn't." You knew that no more how much you assured Spencer he'd still feel bad. "Babe you can't control whether she has good or bad days."

You could tell Spencer was drowning in his thoughts. 

"We can always try again," You said, his head still on your shoulder. 

"You might not have a next time," Spencer slowly said. You moved and Spencer lifted his head, looking down at his hands. 

"What do you mean?" Your heart started racing at his words. 

"The doctors said that her condition is getting worse. She's been more paranoid and acting out, as they say. They want to put her in another clinical trial but I know that she won't agree. She'll shut me out as soon as I even mention it. I had to pull her out of her last one," Spencer says. "I want to help her but I just don't know how Y/N," You moved and saw Spencer crying. 

You pulled him in for another hug, "I know you're not going to believe me when I say this but you are doing things for her. You write a letter and call her every day, you try to fly out whenever we're not on a case. You've been doing these things for so long that you probably didn't even realize that these are the ways you’re helping her." 

"Sometimes I wish I could take her home so that she wouldn't forget me," Spencer lets a few more tears fall. "I don-don't want her to forget me. I woul-wouldn't know what to do with myself," He sniffled. 

"Love," You wipe his tears and he kisses your hand. "She won't forget you. She may forget everything and anything else but please believe me when I say she is never going to forget you. You’re her son, a mother just doesn’t forget her children.” Your own words stabbed at your heart because there was so much history behind them but your story was for another day.  

Spencer nods, wiping his eyes. “How was she doing after I left?" 

"They gave her a sedative to calm her down," He replied. "Thank you."

"For what?" 

"For being so understanding. I don't know what I'd do without you." 

"I don't know either," You say, shivering. "Would you happen to know any coffee shops around here? Your girlfriend is in need of a good cup of coffee and maybe one raspberry muffin." 

Spencer helped you up and wrapped the scarf around your neck tighter, "I might just know the best place," Spencer and you walked hand in hand as he guided you to his favorite coffee shop. He looked over at you and smirked. "Just one muffin?" He asked and you shook your head. 

"Okay okay, you got me, two maybe three," You replied as he laughed. 

"You know after we grab our coffee and you're still feeling cold I could think of another way to warm you up," Spencer whispered in your ear. 

You playfully hit his shoulder. "Spencer Reid!" He threw his head back in a laugh. 

You reached the coffee shop, found a table, ordered your coffees which came after a couple of minutes along with your raspberry muffin and Spencer's buttery croissant. 

"Can you promise me something?" You asked, grabbing his free hand. 

"Yeah.”  

"I know it'll be difficult for you but when things start to get tough I'm going to need you to let me in, promise?" He put his hand on yours and with the most adorable face he said; 

"I promise when things get difficult I will let you in."

** 

My walls are built up of stones but I swear for you I will tear them down - Unknown

[jimlingss]

Inside My Mind [M]

➜ Words: 19.2k

➜ Genres: 50% Fluff, 50% Smut, High School!AU

➜ Summary: You're safe in the confines of your mind. Free to think whatever, free to fantasize to your heart's content. And your imagination tends to quite a wild turn when you’re dying from sheer boredom. But when some GUY IN YOUR CLASS CAN FUCKING READ MINDS - YOU'RE NOT SAFE ANYMORE! WHAT THE FUCKSKDKASDFGHJKL—

➜ Warnings: semi-public sex, attempts at dirty talk, consenting minors engaging in sexual actives with each other, first-time sex, brief depiction of tone-deaf sexual education that doesn’t do shit.

You’re safe in the depths of your own mind.   No one knows what you’re thinking — they can’t tell when you have a constant poker face and the only change in your features is the way your brows furrow in concentration every so often.   But if the teacher and your classmates knew what was going inside your brain, they’d be aware that you were bored out of your goddamn mind.   “Beauty too rich for use, for earth too dear. So shows a snowy dove trooping with crows, as yonder lady o’er her fellows shows. What does this mean? Flip to the page fifty eight and the modern translation is her beauty is too good for this world; she’s too beautiful to die and be buried. She outshines the other women like a white dove in the middle of a flock of crows. Now with the critical analysis of this soliloquy, we can deduct—”   You’re drowsy. Sleepy. Your eyelids are heavy and you feel yourself losing consciousness, head beginning to dip slightly. Everyone else seems to be dulled from the lesson like you, but none are asleep and the last thing you want is to fall out of your chair and draw attention to yourself.   So you try jostling your leg. But after a moment, it doesn’t dispel the seduction of sleep. You resort to pinching yourself, but it doesn’t work either. So you go to your last resort, allowing your mind to wander, pulling yourself away from reality….   You imagine someone crawling underneath your desk. Their rough hand tapping up your thigh, shoving your skirt up before carefully pulling your underwear down. This faceless person’s hot breath would skim against your leaking cunt and you’d feel their soft lips right on your flesh.   “You like this?” They’d chuckle lowly, vibrations traveling through your skin. “Eating you out in the middle of class like this. What a bad girl. It’s disgusting. What if they see, hmm?”   You envision them beginning to eat you out, face pulled up on your slit. Their tongue would penetrate through your hole and you’d clench around them. You’d grab their hair, sinking your fingers through their strands, pushing them closer to you while throwing your own head back to moan.    These fantasies make you wide awake again and no one can even tell you’re not paying attention.   //   The lunch bell rings and you’re finally dismissed from class, freed from the horribly dull lesson.   You’re one of the last to leave the classroom, taking your time and humming while walking out by yourself. But your mind is still reeling from your most recent conjured up fantasy. You’re still thinking about the way this faceless person would lick you up, from the bottom of your slit all the way to your clit. Their tongue would swirl around your folds, eyes glancing up to look at your fucked out expression, their tiny chuckles that would vibrate through your body and make your core clench—   Wide eyes shock you back to reality.   You go crumbling back to the ground, head out of the clouds.   Someone’s stopped in the middle of the hallway, blocking your path.   They’ve whirled their head around.   The dark-haired boy in thick rimmed spectacles looks at you in unadulterated horror and mortification, brown eyes locked into yours. The pair of you stare at each other. Colour drains from his face, lips parted, jaw dropped. It’s almost as if you have said your thoughts out loud for him to hear…   “Namjoon!”   His friend calls out his name, breaking the private bubble between you two. He runs up to him and quickly takes a glimpse of you. You don’t waste a second to step aside, moving out of the way and walking by them.    “Who’s that?” Jinyoung asks, eyes following your backside.   Namjoon answers after a delayed beat. “Y/N.”   “Huh.” His friend frowns. “Never heard of her. Anyways, what did you think of—”   Kim Namjoon is a smart, quiet individual. You’ve known him since sixth grade, but you’ve only spoken a few sentences to him at best when you were forcibly paired up by teachers for group projects. You don’t remember much about him. Only enough to recognize his face.    He’s an outsider….much like you are.   People think you’re a pleasant, hardworking, studious girl who’s compliant and no-nonsense. At least that’s your exterior. The type to live a quiet life and die quietly without contributing much to society. And you like that image — it’s not too far from the truth. But more importantly, it protects the true thoughts brewing inside your head.   But as you walk away, you can’t help glancing behind, over your shoulder towards the boy.   He’s weird. And you can’t remember what you were even thinking about anymore.   //   Against your will, you begin to notice Kim Namjoon.   You share biology and health class together; he sits a few rows away from you by the wall. And your eyes can’t help but stray off to him constantly. It’s just strange. You can’t stop your fixation about the way he looked at you, brown eyes shocked and scandalized, cheeks coloured in pink embarrassment.   It’s suspicious.   The teacher drones on and on about how the myelin sheath deteriorates and the gears of your brain start turning in sheer boredom. You glance at Namjoon’s profile from meters away before you look over to the door, envisioning someone striding in, disregarding the teacher completely.   They’d march up to your desk and pull you up by your arm until you’re standing on your feet. You imagine being pulled in, your crotch pressed to theirs. Your mouth would be devoured by their probing tongue. You’d whine at the back of your throat, grabbing onto their shoulders until they’d grunt back, having enough of it and whirling you around.    You imagine being bent over your desk, underwear pushed aside and thick fingers mercilessly shoving into your cunt. They’d curl up their knuckles and you’d cry out, grabbing the edge of your desk, notebooks and pencil cases tumbling to the ground. They’d poke and prod, pulling their fingers out to plunge them back in again, collecting your slick between their fingertips.    “You like that? Look. You’re leaking all onto the floor.”   Your fantasies continue.   For the rest of class, you continue to daydream, head in the clouds without anyone noticing.   The bell eventually rings. The students are dismissed.   As you leave, your eyes stray off to Namjoon again. He’s still sitting in his desk, unmoving. And again, there’s that horrified expression on his face. He’s red from his chin to his forehead, refusing to meet your eye even when you’re blatantly staring. More importantly, there’s something weird poking out in his lap and as you pass, he covers it up with his backpack.   Weird.   There’s something not right about this and you’re sure you’re not imagining this.    You’ve made your observation. You’ve created a question. You’ve formed a hypothesis and as outrageous as it is, it’s the best educated guess you got. And for the rest of the week, you conduct your experiment and collect the data through examining him afterwards.   When Monday arrives, you waltz to biology class, stealing a seat directly behind the guy.   Class hasn’t started, each person is still getting settled down. You prop your elbow on the desk, cheek rested in your hand as you stare at the back of his head. The strands of his hair are poking in different directions — you wonder if it’s bed head — you also spot a few moles on the nape of his neck and your eyes trace them, drawing lines like you’re making constellations.   There’s no way, but there’s no other explanation.   With a deep breath, you test your theory.   Namjoon.   He turns around. “What?”   The corner of your mouth tugs into a discreet smirk. You weren’t wrong.    His eyes widen, nearly falling out of their sockets and his jaw goes slack. He knows you’ve caught him red-handed.   But you merely shake your head, going expressionless and you stare back at him. “I didn’t call you.”   You didn’t. You thought his name.   It shouldn’t be possible, but rather than being shocked or confused, you’re excited that your hypothesis was correct after all. It’s crazy and wild, but you were right!   “Y/N—”   “Alright, alright, kids. Settle down. We have a lot to get through today. Your midterms are in three weeks and we’re slightly behind the other class…” The teacher interrupts and he’s forced to turn back around and pay attention.   For the rest of class, you think of nothing, simply paying attention to the best of your abilities despite becoming more and more drowsy.   By the time everyone’s dismissed again, Kim Namjoon whirls himself around fast enough to get whiplash and he grabs your wrist before you can flee. “C-Can I talk to you?”   //   The two of you end up at the back of the school, standing on the dead grass beside the spray painted wall. It’s a place where love confessions happen or fights are scheduled. You’re pretty sure he’s going to do neither — no one has crushes on you and while the guy is taller and broader than you are, you doubt he would try to beat you to a pulp. Probably.   “H-how did you figure it out?”   Namjoon’s a nervous mess, pushing his dirty glasses up the slope of his nose. It slumps down again, but he doesn’t seem to care. He’s sweating buckets, swallowing hard, panicked.   You shrug. “I just did.” You don’t want to talk about your fantasies out loud and how you caught the look on his face. You’re more interested in this skill of his, curiosity piqued. “So it’s true then? You can read minds?”   The boy’s trying his best to explain himself. “I-...I was born with this ability. It...it skips a generation in my family and I was the one to get it. I’ve always had it. D-don’t tell anyone. No one else knows and I don’t want to be part of an experiment.”   Like the one you did on him, except you imagine a proper experiment might be worse. NASA would probably strap him to a table and pull apart his brain to see what’s going on.   You get his fears and he seems to read your mind, becoming relieved at your thoughts. “Sorry for putting you through my experiment.” You step closer, invading his personal space without realizing. “But can you really do it? It’s just a bit hard for me to believe. What am I thinking about right now?”   He stumbles back a step, uncomfortable. “Me.”   It’s obvious, so you envision a string of numbers inside your head. “What number am I thinking about?”   “One thousand five hundred sixty four.”   Your mouth draws open. “What an—”   “Horses.”   “What—”   “Blue.”   “Shit!” You’re grinning, arms in the air, unable to contain how impressed and excited you are. “This is so cool! Why didn’t I know about this before?!”   A timid smile pulls onto his cheeks. “I mean we don’t really talk—”   “Oh my god.” Your expression washes over to a deadpan, lips pressing together. “Do you get good grades because you cheat on tests?”   “I mean...I try...not to…”   “God, this is so unfair, but also,” you eye him up and down while stepping back, “really invasive.”   The boy swallows hard, scratching the back of his neck awkwardly as he redirects his vision downwards to his shoes. “Sorry about that.”   You grimace, muttering, “d-don’t expose my thoughts….”   Namjoon becomes red in the face, knowing exactly what you’re referring to. “I won’t. I don’t think I’d even be able to say the things you think out loud.”   You scoff, crossing your arms and defending yourself. “It’s normal, you know, for people our age to be a bit….hormonal.”   “Alright,” he answers, but you can hear the skeptical tone. You’re a freak — it’s true, but you didn’t want anyone to know, Namjoon is most definitely not an exception to that either.    “Don’t reveal my secret and I won’t reveal yours. Deal?” you offer it up, negotiating and he nods, promising not to.   It’s cool that Namjoon can read minds, but you’re not sure what to do with this new information. You guess you have mixed feelings with the idea that your thoughts and fantasies are no longer safe, but it’s not like you two interact with each other much or even talk. It’s still exciting, but doesn’t change much of anything.   The pair of you part ways, returning to the strangers that you are.

That should be it.   You now know that he can read minds. He knows you’re a freak in disguise. A secret for a secret. There’s no reason for any more interaction or conversations to be exchanged. You both lead your own separate lives…   But while your mouth doesn’t physically make sounds towards him nor do your eyes stray onto him anymore, your mind travels far and wide.   In the middle of a school assembly, forced to stand there and listen to the principal speak, your brain begins to do what it does best — dreaming about fantasies that can’t be fulfilled in reality.   You imagine someone sneaking behind you, arms wrapping around your abdomen. They’d turn your head and force their tongue down your throat, claiming you as their own. Their hands would wander, from the skin of your stomach down to your navel and then past the band of your panties—   There’s a poke to your side, bringing you back to reality “Can you stop?” the person mutters out from the corner of their mouth in frustration.   You look over, finding Namjoon standing right beside you.   OH.   “It’s distracting,” he dips his head, whispering and trying to remain discreet, not drawing the attention of any teacher who would reprimand him for talking when he’s not supposed to.   You open your mouth to defend yourself, but then you remember he can hear your thoughts.   Get out of my head, Namjoon! Oh my god! What’s wrong with you?!   “I can’t,” he murmurs, looking straight forward to the principal who’s now talking about keeping the school as clean and environmentally friendly as possible. “You’re too close in my proximity.”   Luckily enough, most of your fantasies are of faceless people. Sometimes you fantasize about celebrities, but most often than not, you never discern a specific person, never dwelling on their facial details. But that still doesn’t make it any less mortifying.   When someone tells you to stop thinking about something, all you can do is think about it.   Falling onto the ground. Being pinned to the gymnasium floor. Being fucked roughly until screaming—   “Y/N.” Namjoon calls you louder this time, jabbing your side and several students turn around to see what’s going on. None of you move, looking straight ahead and they spin back around. After a moment of silence, he looks at you again. “Stop.”   I can’t! I can’t help it! I can’t contain it. I just...I’m too….horny.   “Oh my god.” Namjoon is flustered and he puts his hands into his pants pocket, shifting uncomfortably. “Can you please pay attention and listen or like...think about what you’re going to eat later for dinner?”   Fine. God. You’re annoying. You’re so annoying! Who told you to get into my head?! This is so embarrassing! I want to die. Oh my god. Get out of my brain! Get out! Get out!!   For the rest of the assembly, you’re insulting him and whining inside your mind, wishing the world would just swallow you whole or at least let you curl up into a ball of shame. It’s not your fault that you like to think about these things. It’s normal in fact. People act on their urges. At least you have enough self-restraint than them and you put on a better facade.   Why do you have to be punished for something out of your control?   //   It turns out you’re not safe anywhere.    Before all this, your fantasies would come occasionally when you were bored in class and your brain began wandering. But now that you knew your thoughts were exposed and you were trying your best not to think about it anymore, it’s inadvertently all you can think about.    It’s reverse psychology at its worst.   It especially becomes severe when Namjoon’s around, namely in biology and health class when you’re actively conscious of his presence. Even when he sits across the classroom from you, as far as he can physically get, every ten minutes, you see him turn in his seat to glare at you with bright pink cheeks.   “I can’t pay attention in class,” he mutters one day when he decides to sit next to you — apparently taking a seat here and far away makes zero difference to him.   “Look, my thoughts are my thoughts,” you harshly whisper, not letting anyone else eavesdrop lest their blood run cold as well. “Maybe you should try zoning me out instead. Didn’t you say you were born with...this? Shouldn’t you be good at ignoring people’s thoughts?”   You don’t understand. There were thirty kids around — you couldn’t be the only one bothering him.   “Yeah, but your thoughts are...different.” He’s frustrated, huffing out and pushing his glasses up. “Can’t you control your urges for an hour?”   For a moment, you forget he can read your mind.   When you remember again, you don’t say anything.   You think of your answer.   No.   But despite your annoyance and embarrassment, you try your best. And you do remain focused for the entire lesson, listening and taking diligent notes. When you get confused at a portion, frowning and erasing a few sentences, Namjoon leans over and passes you his notebook.    There’s a note in the corner that reads: he means protein, not lipids.   It clicks inside your brain and you pass it back to him, meeting his brown eyes. Thanks.   Namjoon smiles and you muse he isn’t such a bad guy….   It’s a thought that has his smile widening.   //   At the end of the day, you pack up your belongings, swinging the backpack over your shoulders to begin the trek home. It’s your usual routine, walking past the school gate, fiddling with your earbuds and listening to some music as you walk down the road. But the main difference of today is that you notice a certain someone is ahead of you, going in the same direction.   You rip out your headphones, quickening your pace to meet theirs. And the moment you get three meters away, he turns around, already hearing your thoughts.   What are you doing here?   “Taking the bus home,” Namjoon answers with a few blinks and when your next question appears, he elaborates, “I usually stay at school for a bit to finish some work.”   Oh. That makes sense. I never usually see you.   “Actually, I’ve seen you a few times...waiting for the bus….not on purpose. You just happen to be standing there.”   Huh. I guess I never noticed.   The boy syncs his steps into yours and he scratches the back of his neck, peeking at you quickly. “Y/N, c-can you talk out loud? It’s kind of weird to other people if I’m the only one talking to you and you’re saying nothing.”   “Oh. Yeah. Sorry.” You nod, having gotten used to communicating through your mind. “Is it...weird to hear people’s thoughts all the time?”   “Yeah.” A tiny smile graces the boy’s lips, having never thought of encapsulating his ability in that one word that undermines yet explains everything he feels. “It’s weird. And really noisy.”   “Seems pretty cool though.”   “You’d think. But that’s until you know what’s going in people’s heads.” Namjoon releases a wistful sigh and steals a glance at you before shying away. You’re the only one who knows outside of his family and he seizes the moment to share a piece of his sadness, wanting someone to understand. He murmurs, “There’s a reason I’m not that close to anyone...”   You stare at him, not sure what to say. You never really thought about the repercussions — solely focusing on yourself and hating how he invaded your head. But for a split second, you see the pain etched onto his features. His ability might be more of a curse than a blessing.   “You’re not close to your family?” you ask. At this point, you’re sure there’s no such thing as boundaries or privacy between each other, no question or topic that’s off limits.   “Not really,” Namjoon admits casually and your heart aches for him, not knowing what to say. “I know what they really think of me.”   “Well a lot of people think things they don’t mean to say or do. Thoughts come and go. And we all get angry and upset sometimes. I’m sure your parents care about you. If they didn’t, they wouldn’t...be around, right?”   He smiles softly, knowing that you’re trying to comfort him. “Yeah, I guess. You’d be surprised though. A lot of people’s thoughts are bad and evil. Yours is just dirty.” Namjoon becomes shy, but he says it so bluntly almost like he doesn’t mind it so much anymore.   Your eyes immediately avert away from him, scoffing and trying not to burn up in shame.   The boy grins and he also looks ahead, down the road sparse of people. He continues, trying to ease the heaviness of the conversation, “Whelp, it’s not all that bad. I’m planning to go to MK National University, so…...yeah, I’ll be able to kind of get away for a while.”   “Oh. What do you want to do?”   “I don’t know yet. I’m thinking maybe their engineering program. I think I’m interested in civil engineering.” Namjoon nods and he seems more sure of himself than how he makes it out to be. It occurs to you how cute his awkwardness is, the way he’s kind of pure and sweet, how his uniform seems more stretched out than it’s supposed to be. But as fast as these thoughts flood into your system, you quickly nip them in the bud before he knows. “How about you?”   “I’ve actually been considering going to MKNU too. I think I want to go into a mathematics program.” You shrug. “But I have no idea what I’ll do with that degree yet. I just like math.”   Other clusters of kids around are talking about what they want to eat later, the latest hot gossip around school, what movies have come out, but here you and Namjoon are, being nerds. You’re sharing your love for math while talking about post secondary and the application process that most don’t even know about yet. It’s been a while since you’ve met someone as passionate about school as you are.   “That’s impressive. Doesn’t their mathematics program require an eighty five percent average?”   “Something like that. I don’t remember the exact number. Engineering’s not too far off, I think. But yeah, things would be okay if it wasn’t for biology dragging my entire mark down.” You exhale a lungful, lolling your head to one side while feeling death upon your shoulders. “I haven’t been really paying attention, so that doesn’t help. It’s just really boring to me.”   “Yeah. I can tell.” Namjoon laughs, a gentle sound that rings pleasantly into your ears. He refers to your distracting thoughts and before you can defend yourself, he says, “I can help you if you want. I get it. Mostly.”   You perk up, spine straightening, steps slowing as your eyes widen. “Really?”   “If you can help me with calculus,” he negotiates with a reserved smile. “There’s some differentiation questions that I’m kind of confused on.”   The boy already knows the answer before it’s come out of your mouth. It’s a deal of a lifetime after all and you’d jump oceans to take it. His smile widens yet again at your excitement.   Deal. “Deal! Sounds like a plan, Kim!”   //   The corner spot of the library is your usual place, chair and table positioned perfectly so you can see the entrance and you’ll be able to quickly look up and call him over when he comes. But for now, you pull out your textbook, notebooks and pencil case, flipping through the review book you printed out and seeing what questions you can answer on your own.   You become lost in your work, focused to the point of forgetting your surroundings, so you don’t see who’s approaching until they slide up right beside you.   “Hey. Seulgi, is it?”   Jung Hoseok has his elbows propped up on the table, cheek rested in his hand as he lazily smirks at you. His dark-hair is gelled back, small gold chain on top of his uniform that you’re sure is bought from ebay, top buttons of his shirt loose like his slacks. You are wholly unimpressed. “What? No.”   “Oh shit. Aren’t you in Mr. Jeon’s math class?”   “No.” You shake your head slowly, wondering why he’s talking to you. The guy doesn’t even know your name. He’s radiating off these sleazy vibes too that you don’t appreciate. You hope he leaves soon. “I’m in Mr. Min’s.”   “Shit.” He raises his hands, palms out like he’s being arrested. “My bad. Swore I’ve seen you before though.”   “Yeah. I go to school here,” you say in an exaggerated tone. You want to go back to work. He’s interrupted you rudely and you still don’t know what he wants with you. “Do you need something?”   “Did your class do those math worksheets?” He leans back. “I...uh...kinda forgot they were due today and was wondering if you could...help me out…”   You pause, annoyed beyond belief. But to outsiders, your meek exterior remains. People always think they can step on you, but it’s not like that at all. “Sorry. We didn’t get them,” you lie and fortunately, he can’t read your mind. Jung Hoseok doesn’t know that you got them two weeks ago, that you finished them a few days after and it’s sitting in your backpack right now.   “Oh, cool. But think you can help me—”   You stand abruptly.   A grin spreads into your face and you wave your arm towards the entrance, completely looking past the fuck boy that is Jung Hoseok.    “Namjoon!” Your shout is too loud for the silent space of the library, and a few turn around to stare. The librarian recognizes you and doesn’t mind the one time offense of being noisy.   The boy you’re signalling comes tottling over with his own smile, books in hand, backpack swinging on one shoulder, pushing his thick-rimmed glasses up the slope of his nose.    “I saved you a spot.” You motion across from you before glancing at Hoseok and shooing him away with an innocent question, “Are you moving?”   At the same time, someone weaves through the bookshelves. A tall, pretty female comes out and by her long black hair and shorter skirt; you recognize her as Krystal. She lolls her head to her shoulder. “Hey, Jay. Are we going or what?”   “Oh yeah. Hold up.” He gets up, tucks the chair in before the librarian yells at him. He throws an arm around the girl’s shoulder and as Namjoon gets settled down, the female looks at both you and him in equal disdain.   “Who did you talk to?” she murmurs, but you hear it loud and clear.   Hoseok shrugs, walking away. “Thought she was in my class.”   You and Namjoon are nobodies and while you don’t know how he feels about it or if he has an opinion at all, you personally like it that way. You enjoy being on the down low, living a discreet life and not drawing any unnecessary attention to yourself.   “Was he bothering you?” Namjoon pulls out his notebooks, stealing a peek at you.   A scoff is pulled out of your throat. “No. He just interrupted me in the middle of solving a question. Speaking of which, I don’t really get number nine. I’m really confused on the concept of trisomy and disomy and figuring out ploidy numbers. I don’t get how the answer can be b and not a.”   “Okay, wait.” He softly laughs, practically dumping his backpack out on the table in haste. “Let me get out the booklet first.”   The two of you study together, getting halfway through the booklet. Namjoon happily answers your questions and clears up any confusion you might have. While he waits for you to finish a question, he works on calculus homework that you’ve already completed and you help explain some things that he’s unsure about.   But as you continue working, the boringness of biology begins to submerge you. At some point, you become drowsier and your brain wanders against your will out of sheer boredom. You imagine being pushed against the bookshelves, uniform skirt pulled up, someone’s hand cupping over your mouth to muffle your sounds as they start to rub their crotch all over you, humping your ass—   “Y/N!” Namjoon shouts your name louder than he’s supposed to, shocked, and you come crashing down to reality. Some people turn around, startled, and they only return to their work when they realize nothing’s happening.   Sorry.   The boy sighs, red in the face. He shifts uncomfortably while you gingerly rub your thighs together beneath the table. A few seconds pass. He swallows hard, flipping through a few pages of his textbook and decides to speak his mind, whispers lowly, “Why...don’t you try porn?”   What? What do you mean? Like watching porn?   No one knows the private conversation that’s happening in the corner of the library. “Maybe that can...help with your situation, so you can feel less…..horny...all the time.”   Oh my god. Don’t say that word out loud!!! And you thought I haven’t tried?! I just...don’t like it. Most of the time, it goes too quickly and it’s too cringey and cliché and I’m not a fan of close ups of...genitalia. For your information, I’ve tried writing erotica too, but I couldn’t finish. I’ve tried, thank you very much.   You slump in your seat, cheeks warming as you admit these thoughts.   Namjoon nods, finding your arguments fair. He tries to search for a solution to your predicament. “Have you ever tried...you know….relieving yourself?”   Sometimes.   You remember those late nights after your parents have gone to bed. In the darkness of your bedroom, you like to put your soft pillow between your thighs and rock back and forth to release some tension in your body. You stifle the sounds with your blanket, but often times the pillow isn’t enough and your hands always go to your shorts, rubbing the spot that makes it feel good—   Namjoon’s hand suddenly propels forward, latching onto your wrist. He lowers his head until his forehead is practically pressed on the pages of his notebook, eyes unable to meet yours. “Can you please stop thinking about it?” he harshly whispers, begging you.   Immediately, you’re mortified.    You let the thoughts slip.   Namjoon knows how you get yourself off now.   I can’t help it!    You feel less like a teenager and more like a hyperactive rabbit in need of reproducing. These primitive urges overwhelm you and while you’ve restrained yourself in a physical manner, it’s difficult to get your thoughts in control as well. But you were supposed to be safe in your own head. Merely thinking and not acting was supposed to be good enough.    You think I’m not frustrated either?! I don’t need these distractions in my life, okay?! I’m just trying to get into uni. It’s your fault for reading my mind all the time. Can’t YOU just stop?!   “I can’t either,” he argues back, huffing with a frown.   It becomes silenced.   A grimace has permanently made its mark on your features. Your mechanical pencil digs roughly against the paper as you move to solve the next question and do the proper calculations. But it snaps with the force of your hand and you groan, pressing the end to bring out more lead.   You force yourself to focus and keep answering. But no matter what you do outwardly, Namjoon can still hear your internal self — he knows you’re angry with him, angry with yourself.   Five minutes pass before the boy can’t take it anymore. He lifts his chin and finds the furrow of your brows.    “Y/N.”   “What.” Your tone is short, curt, decorated with a slight pout. The corner of his mouth tickles, threatening to tug a bit.   Namjoon takes a deep breath to prepare himself. Unlike him, you can’t hear the thoughts in his mind. He has to physically say out the words. “What if I helped you?”   You raise your chin, locking your gaze with his, befuddled. “What?”   The boy in the gawky glasses, awkward movements and oversized uniform moves closer, Adam’s apple bobbing in his throat, whispering lowly in a rumbling timbre, “I mean….what if we get it done and over with. You know...get over our primitive needs. Then none of us need to ever think about it again.”   It’s like the pair of you are exchanging secrets under a blanket after building a secret fort together. You’re leaning over the table, nearly bent over and he’s moved his torso on top of the surface as well. But you still don’t get it, eyes blinking at him. “What are you talking about?”   “You know—” Namjoon doesn’t want to say it out loud. “—that one word. Three letters. Starts with an S. Ends with an X.”   Sex?! Your mind goes completely blank for a full three seconds. You. You want to have sex with me?   “No-...yes….I mean…” He’s embarrassed that you thought about it so bluntly. If only the passing librarian knew that the two studious students in her library were talking about having sexual intercourse and not biology or mathematics, she’d faint. “I think about it too sometimes and...a lot a-actually...yeah...it doesn’t have to be a big deal, is what I’m saying. I mean we can get it done and over with. Do it once and get it out of our system….”   You’re aware Namjoon isn’t acquainted with many girls. So this is a mutually beneficial agreement. A win-win.   It doesn’t sound like a terrible idea. Don’t you want to wait for someone special though?   “I-It doesn’t really matter to me,” he murmurs, stuttering and he’s fumbling with his words in a way you’ve never seen before. Somehow eloquent Namjoon has been reduced to the word ‘I mean’, repeating them over and over again as he shrivels up in shame. “And I mean...we’re friends. I mean, unless...unless y-you want to wait for someone special.”   I don’t think I have time to be with someone special. Of all the fantasies you have, you honestly can’t imagine getting into a relationship. You have your priorities and the idea of going on dates is kind of cringey and awkward. But what strikes you in his offer is that— We’re friends?   Namjoon’s face has gone red from his chin to his hairline. It’s endearing. And your thought makes the colour of his flushing skin deepen in hue. “I thought we were.”   No...we are. But you’re about to become friends with benefits instead of normal platonic friends.   “Do it once and get it out of your system?” you verbalize your words, making sure that you have it right.   “Yeah, what do you think?” Namjoon searches your expression carefully.   It’s not a bad proposition. Very realistic and maybe even responsible of you. Do it once and you can set your mind straight. You’ll be able to focus on what really matters and no longer have these futile delusions. Considering he has no experience like you, it’ll probably suck and that’s not such a bad thing either — your fantasies can stop after you’ve gotten a taste of reality.   You don’t think of anything. You don’t say anything either.   You simply nod. Agreeing.   //   The house is silent — for the most part. There are noises of thumping from above, footsteps thundering on the carpet that interrupt the otherwise quiet study session. Paper, notebooks, textbooks and worksheets are sprawled all over the table with pencils and erasers. You’re working hard on memorizing diagrams while the person across from you is pressing chains of numbers into their calculator.   No sooner does your mom come prancing down the stairs, bag slung over her shoulder. “Y/N? I’m going to wor—...who is this?” She stops mid-step despite being late, eyes growing wide at the strange boy sitting at her dinner table.   “Hmm?” You lift your head from your notes, playing it off nonchalantly. “Oh, I forgot to tell you. But, this is Namjoon. He’s a classmate. We’re just doing some biology review together since there’s a midterm coming up.”   “Hello.” Namjoon gives a polite smile like a picture perfect son. “Nice to meet you.”   “Kim Namjoon?” she questions, tipping her head to the side.    Your brows raise. “You know him?”   “Yes! I used to be close to your mother when you were in sixth grade and there was that school bake sale with Y/N and a whole bunch of other kids.” Her stern and defensive expression melts into a soft look, smile adorning her face. “I almost didn’t recognize you! My goodness, you’ve grown up so much! I remember when you were only this tall.” Her hand comes up to about her waist.    “You always wore this blue Mickey Mouse hoodie around and you loved dinosaurs. I haven’t spoken to your mom in so long. Is she doing well?”   “Yeah, she’s good.” He smiles, happy that his eleven-year old self made such a lasting impression.   “Mom, aren’t you late for work?” You twist yourself all the way around, trying to get her to leave. She was embarrassing you and Namjoon knows — it makes him grin.   Your mother is reminded and she whips her neck around to the clock then quickly moves to the foyer, grabbing her car keys and slipping on her shoes. In her rushing circumstances, she doesn’t even take a moment to consider the repercussions of leaving a teenage boy inside her house alone with her daughter. After all, he’s sweetheart Namjoon — what could he possibly do to you?   “Right! I should get going. Your dad’s home in a few hours! If you get hungry, there’s food in the fridge and pizza in the freezer! Go heat some up for Namjoon. It’s not everyday that we have guests, so we shouldn’t leave them hungry!”   “Got it. Bye!”   The door slams shut and you turn back around with a sigh. “Sorry about that.”   “It’s okay.” He returns to his work, finishing up with a question.   There’s an extended pause, the sounds of pencil scratching the paper filling the silence before you ask, “What does she think?” You’re curious, wondering if she suspects anything at all.   “She thinks I’m sweet.” Namjoon grins and you realize he has slight dimples in his cheeks when he does so. “And she’s glad you have a friend.”   You scoff. Too bad your mom doesn’t know that this sweet boy she remembers as a sixth grader is about to fuck her daughter. The thought has Namjoon choking on air, sputtering on his spit, but neither of you say anything out loud, focusing on finishing up instead.   In the next twenty minutes, you shut your textbook. Done.   There’s only one thing left to do before he’s on his way.   “Should we—….”   “Yeah, I think we should…”   It’s time to learn some real biology.   “Okay.” You stand, showing him to your bedroom and he picks up his backpack along the way. “You got the goods?”   “I got some goods that’ll help, I think. When’s your dad coming back by the way? I really...don’t want to be killed.”   “Don’t worry, you’ll be fine. We got like...three hours. But I doubt it’ll take that long.” More like three minutes.   “Hey.” He gives you a look, pouting.   You’re sheepish. Sorry.   Namjoon enters your room while you apologize for it being so messy. You had actually cleaned it up and one read of your brain, he knows you tried hard and tells you it’s fine with a smile. He takes in the space of your bedroom, realizing it smells like you and he lingers awkwardly, not sure what protocol is. The only female bedroom he’s ever been in was his older sister’s and this was definitely not the same.   He ends up following your lead, sitting beside you on your bed, right at the edge of your mattress. “So…”   “What first?”   “I don’t know.”   It’s terribly, terribly awkward. You begin to second guess everything in your life that led up to this point, but you quickly calm your nerves and after some discussion, Namjoon ends up leaning against the headboard and you’re sitting in his lap stiffly, hovering over his thighs.   “You can sit down properly. You won’t crush me or anything, so don’t worry about it.”   “Okay.” But you’re still tense in his lap.    Namjoon keeps his hands to himself, arms right by his side. He gulps and clears his throat. “We should probably kiss...right?”   “Right. Um...have you kissed anyone before?”   “No. You?”   “Once,” you answer. “I think in Kindergarten while lining up for the water fountain, this kid turned around and our mouths kind of...hit each other.”   “So no then.” He laughs and the sound eases your nerves a little. He swallows a mouthful of spit and his eyes flicker down to your lips for a second before going back into your eyes. “You wanna?”   “I guess.” You shrug. “If we’re going to do it, might as well kiss. C-can I take this off though?”   Namjoon nods and you carefully slide his thick-rimmed glasses off his face, leaning over to set them on the nightstand by your lamp. With a deep breath, you settle yourself back down onto his thighs, psyching yourself up. Okay, okay. You can do this. You can do this. It’s not a big deal.    “You don’t have to be nervous,” he whispers and you nod. “Is it okay if we….”   “Yeah. Just do it.”   “Well...y-you should close your eyes.”   “S-sounds good.” You shut your eyes tight, hands curled into fists and breath hitching in your nose. When it takes too long, you begin to move forward. Unbeknownst to you, Namjoon is stealing a moment to stare at you, your features, lashes, lips, how your face is cutely scrunched up. He smiles and subdues his own nervousness, fluttering his eyes closed, leaning forward.   The boy tilts his head slightly to the left and he misses. Namjoon ends up at the corner of your mouth, near your cheek and when he realizes, he positions himself and finally, your lips graze.   You keep your mouth sealed tight like a toddler who doesn’t want to be fed carrots. He presses against your lips lightly and you muse how plush it feels.   Namjoon moves away after three seconds and you exhale, lids opening. “Like that?”   “I think so. M-maybe...more though.”   “More like how?” He frowns, not understanding and you stutter, unable to speak.   “U-Umm…” Longer? Maybe open our mouths? Don’t they french kiss in the movies? Aren’t tongues supposed to touch or something? Or is that gross? I don’t know.   Luckily for you, nothing needs to be said. Namjoon can read your chaotic thoughts and he goes ahead, trying one more time. He goes slowly enough that it gives you enough time to close your eyes again and he presses against your mouth, a bit harder and for longer. This time, it’s not just a graze.    His nose bumps into yours and you help him by tilting your own head. It’s soft, Namjoon landing multiple pecks on your lips as if he’s trying to kiss a boo-boo away. It tastes like moisturizing chapstick, waxy and a hint of vanilla.   You finally breathe once you can’t hold your breath any longer. In the meanwhile, his hands come up to gingerly hold your cheeks, palms cupping your skin, keeping you in place. You feel your body begin to relax, muscles no longer seizing and you settle more into his lap, feeling something weird poke at you from underneath.   You’re unable to pinpoint it when he pulls away. “Better?”   “Y-Yeah…..that was better. I think….we should try again…just to make sure we got it right.”   “Yeah...okay...alright.”   It’s more intimate than you expected. You never imagined being this close to Namjoon to the point where you can feel his own body heat, have his warm breath tickle your skin, count his lashes, see the crevices of his dimples. But you don’t get to dwell at how awkward this all is when he goes in for a third round.   This time, your lips are parted and his are too. It’s less tense and uncomfortable and the boy has gained more confidence, tiling his head at a better angle. He kisses you, locking your mouths together and as you exhale, he inhales. You don’t realize your hands have lifted to the back of his neck and how he’s pulled you closer onto his lap.    Namjoon pushes harder. It’s sloppy, but also eager and more curious. His tongue prods at the seams of your lips and it draws a noise at the back of your throat. He hums back, vibrations pleasant. It’s warm, slobbery and wet with spit. With the two of you inexperienced, you’re sure this isn’t exactly right. It’s weird.   But also not bad.   He breaks away after a minute or so and you use the back of your hand to wipe your mouth that’s wet with his saliva. Namjoon takes one look at you, reads your thoughts and smiles, glad that it wasn’t too atrocious.   “W-what now?”   “I mean….do you wanna take off your clothes?”   “Uhhh…..”   “We don’t have to. I mean….we only need to take off our pants and underwear. I’m fine with anything if you’re fine with anything. W-we can stop if you want. N-no pressure.”   “Um….I’m fine with taking off our pants.” And our underwear.   “Got it.” Namjoon stands, fumbling with his pants, hands trembling, and you look away, slipping off your own before deciding to just go for it and taking off your panties with it. You’re surprisingly slick, crotch area of your underwear ruined and you push it off your bed to deal with later. “I got some stuff.”   He digs into his backpack, coming out with three condoms and a bottle of aloe vera gel. You eye it and he explains, “It’s supposed to be a lubricant...so you don’t get hurt…”   “Can that go up my….coochie?” The last thing you want is to get an infection because of some boy or worse, go to the ER. You wouldn’t know how to explain that to your parents.   “Don’t worry. I googled it.”   “You’re prepared, Kim,” you banter, making for a more light-hearted atmosphere. He grins and you keep your eyes trained on his, refusing to look down to his pants-less legs and crotch area.   But he knows what you’re doing and becomes insecure by your refusal to look, cheeks becoming warm. “You don’t have to be scared. It won’t hurt you or anything. Do...you want to try touching it?”   For fear of creating a misunderstanding, you brace yourself and look down. Namjoon’s cock is completely hard, red and somewhat curved, a clear liquid oozing from the tip. It looks like a deformed sausage for lack of a better term, but also not so much. While it’s not the prettiest thing you’ve ever seen, it’s an intimidating, good five inches. “S-sure.”   Your hand reaches out, circling around his member lightly. It’s not as hard as you thought it would be, skin kind of soft and fleshy. He laughs, asking you what you imagined it to be like and you shrug. Curious, you try giving it a squeeze and immediately, Namjoon tenses. You look up at him, gauging his reaction. “Does that feel good?”   “Uh-huh.” He nods, releasing a held breath.   Suddenly, you feel a surge of power ricocheting through your veins. His prized possession was in your hands. You have the ability to bring him to pleasure or make him suffer. The ideas swirling inside your head makes him swat your hand away, a bit scared. You grin at him, stifling back a laugh without knowing just how you were riling him up. Namjoon tries to calm himself down before he busts all over his legs, standing in the middle of your room.   Luckily, his dick is not as obscene as other dicks are in porn videos. And you don’t feel disgusted, per say. You just don’t know how that’s supposed to go inside of you. There’s no way.   “It’s not that big. Average actually. It’ll probably fit,” he reassures you. “Ummm….you can lay back if you want.”   “Okay.” You feel comfortable enough around Namjoon to get on your back, head plopping down on your pillow and your hands gathered at your stomach like you’re about to be lowered into your grave — something you’re pretty sure is not off the mark.   Namjoon makes no comment on your metaphor, grabbing the bottle and condoms and climbing onto your bed, sitting back on his knees. “D-do you want me to….do o-oral on you?”   The thought of his mouth on your private parts makes you flinch, worried about a hundred different things, if you smell bad, if you’ll taste bad. The onslaught of concerns makes him blink hard, caught off guard. “I don’t have to. I don’t mind...about anything, so you don’t have to worry.”   “Maybe later,” you mutter and he nods.   “Then should we…?”   “Yeah. Go for it.”   This was unlike all your fantasies — this was very real.   You were beginning to get super nervous, more so than before. And Namjoon doesn’t seem as composed as he makes himself out to be. He nearly drops the bottle of aloe vera, but manages to get it open and squeezes a generous amount on his hands. “Can I—”   “Sure. Go ahead. You’re going to have to eventually touch it, right?” you laugh stiffly, trying to play it off and he nods. Namjoon shuffles forward, swallowing hard. His other hand gently touches your propped up leg and slowly, he spreads your thighs.    He seems to stop for a moment, staring at your pussy and you feel an urge to cover your face up with your hands. The boy says nothing and simply begins to rub the lubricant all over your folds. You jolt at the foreign sensation, of someone’s hands on your body, and he instantly stops.    “It’s cold.”   “Oh. Umm..”   “It’s fine. Just keep going.”   “Yeah, okay.” Namjoon squeezes the bottle again, getting a handful and he rubs his cock up and down, body shivering as he does so. He halts after two strokes and returns to dumping half of the aloe vera into his hands.    You shiver as his fingers touch against your slit, how he rubs up and down, everywhere he can get his hands to. It makes you feel hot inside and out. But he puts so much on that it’s beginning to feel more like he’s trying to frost a cake than touch you. “That’s...a lot, Namjoon.”   “I just don’t want you to get hurt,” he insists in concern and makes sure to get the aloe all over your pussy to the point where you don’t even need your own slickness, pink slit covered with a thick layer of transparent gel. “Okay, I think that’s good.”   “Wait. Don’t you need to put on your condom?”   “R-right, almost forgot about that.”   “That’s a really important step,” you giggle and watch as he fumbles with the condom package.    Ten seconds and he still can’t rip it open. It’s excruciating, so you prop yourself up by your elbows, taking it from him. “Sorry. It’s the aloe. It made my hands really sticky.”   “It’s okay.” You hold yourself back from laughing, but it spills past and he begins laughing too, running a hand through his hair and accidentally getting gel in it. It makes you laugh harder and you finally get the package open. “Wait, aren’t we supposed to roll it on?”   “I think so.”   “Do you know how to put on a condom?”   “No. Do you?”   “How would I know?”   “Well, I don’t.” You try to help him roll the condom onto his cock. With Namjoon’s sticky hands and your inexperience, it’s an absolute mess. The pair of you are gathered together, fumbling with his dick, trying to get it on like you’re attempting to make balloon animals. “Wait, let me pinch it. I don’t want you to accidentally pinch my foreskin!”   You burst out into laughter and he laughs too. “Oh my god! I’m not going to pinch your foreskin!”   “We never know what could happen!” he argues back lightheartedly and manages. “There.” But before Namjoon crawls over, he dumps the rest of the bottle of aloe onto his condom, dousing it from the tip to where his hair is like it’s free fondue.    Lo and behold, after twenty minutes of poorly attempted foreplay and a lot of lubricant-applying, he’s finally between your thighs, positioning himself….or at least trying to.   You lift your head slightly to look at him. “Maybe we should stop and go watch a tutorial.”   “No, it’s fine. It’s just...a lot lower than I expected.”   “Where did you think it was going to be?”   “I don’t know. Higher up. Here, I think I got it.”   “Wrong hole, Namjoon!” you shriek and he stops, apologizing a thousand times. This was going horrifically, but also extremely hilariously. You have mixed feelings in general, but your thoughts begin to quiet down when he finds your hole, spreading your folds enough that his single finger can enter. You shiver, feeling weirded out by it.    It was more like an examination than anything sexual, but you don’t dwell.   “Okay….I think I got the tip in place. Ready?”   You nod. “Go for it.”   It’s slippery, so much lubricant that you his cock brushes back and forth until it finds its place and you barely feel any rough intrusion. Instead, it slides in smoothly and you inhale a sharp breath, flinching upwards. It’s a strange discomfort in your gut. It burns and feels like someone stuck a medical instrument into your intestines. Huh.   Namjoon, on the other hand, is having a very different experience.   He’s shaking above you, eyes shut tight, unable to read your mind when he’s beginning to break into a sweat. He stops halfway and forces himself to look at you. “D-does it hurt?”   “N-not really. Kind of uncomfortable.”   “Want me to stop?”   “No, it’s okay. You can keep going.”   “F-fuck,” he curses and obliges, moving all the way in until he’s balls deep and your knees are bent, thighs parted by his sticky hands. It’s weird, but you’re glad he’s having a good time. “I don’t think I’m going to last long. You’re so warm and t-tight…”   “It’s okay. Knock yourself out.”   “You sure it doesn’t hurt?”   “I’m good. You dumped that bottle on me, so...yeah…”   Namjoon nods, unable to get anything out but a groan when you squeeze around him. He chokes on air and at your approval, goes in for a thrust. He moves his hips back and then yanks forward, eager and excited. It burns and you flinch, not sure if it hurts or doesn’t. This isn’t as amazing as you thought it would be — quite un-life changing actually. If anything, you were more turned on by how much Namjoon was turned on.   You just wish he kissed you again. You liked that.   The second the thought crosses your brain, Namjoon leans forward, seizing your lips with his own and fulfilling your desire. You moan against his mouth, tongue taken by his in a sloppy yet earnest matter that has your belly tickling and fluttering, chest warming up. It feels nice, you decide. And your core clenches, lower stomach tightening.   Namjoon chases after the way your warm pussy tightly hugs around his covered cock, thrusting once and he cums without warning. He merely groans against your mouth and you hug him close to your body, feeling the way he breathes heavily, the way he moans lowly. It takes a good five seconds and then he’s slumping over your body, weight heavy but comforting like a blanket.   “S-sorry…” Namjoon apologizes the second he comes to his senses.   His breath tickles your neck and you smile, running your hand through his hair. “It’s okay. I’m glad you had a good time. It wasn’t too bad for me.”   Namjoon rolls over, slipping out of you. But before you can get up or he can clean up the mess he made, his hand lowers to your swollen cunt and he slides his pointer and middle finger in the pool of gel. He strokes up your slit a few times and then he slips himself into your tight hole, feeling against your velvet walls.   “N-Namjoon,” you choke out his name and he smiles, getting to his knees. He curls his fingers against your walls, a bit carelessly and clumsy, but with enough enthusiasm and observational skills to gauge what your spots may be. You moan, withering against the sheets. “W-wait…”   His other hand lifts and goes a bit higher than your slit. “Is it here…?” he asks for confirmation, recalling the diagrams he’s filled out before and watching your expression carefully.   Your fingers latch onto his wrist and you shift him into the correct position, right where your clitoris should be. Namjoon hums in acknowledgment and begins to fiddle with his fingers, rubbing circles, pressing hard, twisting his wrist while his other fingers curl inside your vagina.   You sob his name, back arching, and he muses how pretty you look like this. Unfortunately with his hands on your clit and the way he’s carelessly rubbing, he’s unable to admire the view for long. Your toes curl and a burst of electricity runs its way through your body, making you seize, left leg kicking out slightly. You cry, spots coming into your vision. It’s warm from your feet to your head, every part of your body.   When you come to, Namjoon’s excitedly grinning at you. “How was that?”   Not bad. That last bit was better, to be honest.   “Was it all you had fantasies about?”   No. It wasn’t terrible though. Kind of meh.   He nods, laying flat on your bed and staring at the ceiling. You also take a moment to process everything that just happened. Though before you can doze off, Namjoon looks at you. “Should we try one more time? Just….just to see if it could be better or not. I mean...might as well since we’re both here.”   It’s not a bad offer especially considering that this is supposed to be a one time thing to get it out of the system. He was right — you were here, so was he. There was never going to be an opportunity like this again. You should make the most out of it.   You smile, eyes glimmering in mischief. “I don’t mind, but can you go for another round? You really tired yourself out there.”   Namjoon scoffs and rolls on top of you, pinning you to your mattress. “We’ll see about that.”

That should be it.   You know Namjoon can read minds. He knows you’re a closeted freak. A secret for a secret. The two of you have had sex too, shared your first times together. You’ve gotten all urges out of your systems, diminished your whacky libido. There’s no reason for any more interaction or conversations to be exchanged. You can both lead your own separate lives, pursuing after your long-term educational goals of going to university…   But you’re weak.   Only now do you realize you can’t get over your primitive needs. To your dismay and contrasting to the way you project yourself, you aren’t an emotionless robot who can simply flip off the switch.   That single experience, the second and third as well, are enough to make you even more needy than before and now your fantasies have truly come to life. No longer are they groundless delusions created from your inexperienced mind. One taste of the forbidden fruit and you can’t stop.    Sitting on the side of health class, your brain begins to take a walk. You recall that third time when Namjoon was curious, experimenting, and pushed you on all fours. Your shirt and bra were discarded beside you, your hands crumpling your wrinkled sheets and his fingertips pressed the small of your back until you were arching for him.   He hummed and you were nervous, talking too much about things you don’t remember now and the boy simply laid down and got into place. He slid himself right underneath you and his hands held your waist, lowering your sex right onto his open mouth like he’s trying to eat a massive taco — inexperienced, odd, but not horrendous.   You were scared of suffocating him, of having to call the police and having ambulances parked right outside your house for all the neighbors to see; and have news spread around that you accidentally killed a high school boy by sitting on his face. But Namjoon was a freak in disguise too and welcomed it. You sat on him and he mumbled something along the lines of it not being too bad either.   You grabbed onto the headboard to steady yourself, legs already shaking as he licked into you, tip of his tongue pushing past your slit and folds, his nose at your bud. His tongue unskilled, technique clumsy. He went too fast, too hard, too much of everything. It drove whines and broken sobs of his name out of you. But while Namjoon was greedy and impatient, he was also excited and eager to please.   He’s naturally observant and perceptive, bringing it into the bedroom as well. You remember the strands of his hair tickling the skin of your thighs, the way you cried out his name, how it felt so good that it was better than having actual penetrative sex. And you remember how he began rushing, afraid of your dad coming home and catching the pair of you in this compromised position.   The memory almost makes you giggle in the middle of class, but you contain yourself and squeeze your thighs together, feeling your panties becoming wet and sticky. You wonder what it would be like if he ate you out here, in class, maybe on the teacher’s desk. He’d kneel on the ground and kiss his way up your legs.   N-Namjoon, you’d choke out his name, grabbing a fistful of his hair and pulling the glasses away from his face.   Yeah?   Hurry, please.   Why? I wanna go slower. You taste good.   You’re good at controlling your expressions, of wearing a poker face, but unbeknownst to you, there’s a smile tugging on your lips. An outsider might think you particularly enjoy today’s class content. Others who know you better might consider that you’re in a good mood, perhaps daydreaming about something sweet. But there’s someone who really knows what’s going on.   Namjoon is sitting across the room and he turns his body slightly. His eyes are half-lidded, lips parted, chest rising and falling, glasses slipping down his nose. The boy is uncomfortable, beginning to sweat at his hairline. He glares. And your smile grows a bit wider.   He knows you’re thinking about you and him and you eye his slacks, noticing the tent growing in his pants.   Namjoon remains wholly unimpressed by your antics.   “The boy’s bathroom, really?” Your eyebrows are lifted and this time, you’re the one unimpressed with him. Luckily the hallways are empty, but he still tugs you in quickly before anyone can see. Are we fulfilling one of your fantasies now?   “No, we’re not. And if you want someone to blame, then blame yourself.” Namjoon shoves you into the farthest bathroom stall without remorse. If you were caught together with him in the boy’s washroom, you’re not even sure how to explain yourself. No one would believe it. “Who told you to go remembering all of that and thinking about us?”   He turns around and locks the stall. It’s terribly cramped. On one side, there’s toilet rolls and the other is a wall with pencil graffiti. The toilet doesn’t have a cover and it’s dirty. But at this point, the two of you are reckless and desperate enough not to care. “Well am I supposed to forget?”   “You’re supposed to not fantasize in the middle of class, Y/N,” he complains and turns you around, pushing his crotch to your ass. Your hands lift to press against the cubicle walls, keeping yourself steady. “Look at the problem you caused me.”   You can feel his erect cock right on the crack of your ass and you swallow hard, feeling his breath becoming rougher. Namjoon presses you close to him like it might be enough to get him off. “‘M sorry, I can’t help it, you know that.”   “Jinyoung almost saw. I had to cover my lap up with my textbook.” He’s mad and you can hear it in his voice. His hand comes down, fingers pressing on your underwear, rubbing back and forth ruthlessly. “And look, you’re already wet.”   “Namjoon,” you moan his name, grabbing his wrist and not sure if you want him to slow down or go faster. “L-Less talking. We should hurry before they wonder where we are.”   “No one’s going to wonder.” It’s true no one would second guess the two empty desks in the classroom. The pair of you went out at different times — you supposedly to the counselor and him to go make a phone call at the office.   As if to appease you, Namjoon holds the back of your neck and turns your head around. His thick-rimmed, smudged glasses knock against your face but he still kisses your cheek. You don’t know if he missed your mouth or not, if it was an accident, but it’s surprisingly soft and gentle.    It sends butterflies to your tummy.   The eager boy is hugging you from behind, one arm around your waist. He pulls your shirt out being tucked into your skirt and his hand goes underneath it, shoving your bra up and getting a handful of your breast. His thumb flicks onto your nipple, letting the soft bud pebble underneath his tender touch. You keen into him with a whine and he holds you straight, humming.   “You’re so warm and soft. I keep forgetting to tell you that.”   “You’re not going to cum just from touching my boobs, are you?”   He scoffs and rubs two fingers against your nipples harder, almost pinching. And you jump in his arms with a yelp. Namjoon smiles. “I’m not some amateur.”   “Actually, yes, you are.” Your hot breaths are heavy, panting out and your palms press harder against the cubicle wall, searching for some leverage. “If it helps, I am too.”   “Psh. I’m gonna fuck you well, don’t worry.”   You could roll your eyes to the back of your skull. “That’s a really high bar to set— N-Namjoon!”   He’s pressing hard on your clit through your soaked panties, shoving your skirt up. “Pardon?”   “N-nothing.” You turn your head around, trying to speed things up. Sneaking out to the boy’s bathroom in the middle of the classroom is not an optimum time to drag out foreplay. “You have a condom, right?”   “I’m always prepared.” Namjoon smirks playfully and lets go of you, stepping back to dig into his back pocket. You realize how cold it is without his body heat against you, but thankfully he wastes no time, taking out a condom between his index and middle fingers, flashing it to you like it’s a winning card in a poker game or this is the middle of a Yugioh episode.    He does the stupidest things like this that makes you laugh the hardest. “Why are you such a dork?”   “Please, you like it.”   You watch him rip it open. “Need help?”   “I got it.”    It’s quicker and easier than the first time, and the second, and the third. He lets his pants drop, rolling the latex on his cock and then helps you take off your panties, stuffing them in his uniform blazer’s pocket. Namjoon takes a hold of your hips and positions you correctly. He moves the tip of his thick cock back and forth on your slit, spreading your slick everywhere and you feel yourself getting wetter.    “A-are you going to last longer this time?”   Namjoon’s offended and he pouts without you seeing. “I’m getting better. Ready?”   “Yeah.” The head of his cock intrudes your velvet walls, penetrating deep and he releases a shaky exhale. It burns less and feels good, filling a space inside you that you didn’t know was empty.    The first time, it wasn’t bad. The second time hurt a lot and you both had to stop. No one orgasmed then. But the third time was much better and now, there was not even a mild discomfort. It didn’t hurt at all — he’s stretched you out well enough to take his cock. And he can last a lot longer than three strokes too.    “N-Namjo..oon.”   “Everything good?”   “Yeah…” You weakly nod. He’s holding you, humping from behind, drawing as far back as he can before his hips jut forward, trusting in and you try your best to meet him halfway. The two of you are making a mess, fluids running down your legs, uniforms all wrinkled up. “C-Can you kiss me?”   You don’t need to ask twice.   He stops and turns your head around, catching your lips as best as he can in this awkward position. You begin to squirm, rocking yourself back onto him. One thing was certain — the kisses have definitely improved. The way he kisses you is enough to leave you breathless and dizzy.   You pull away and Namjoon continues to pound from behind you. The obscene sounds echo throughout the washroom, leaking out into the hallway; clapping sounds created when his pelvis meets your ass cheeks. Anyone walking past would know what was going on.    It’s also musty, the smell of sweat and sex filling the air. But there’s also the scent of Namjoon surrounding you and it’s nice. You’re not sure what deodorant he uses, or maybe it’s cologne. You can’t exactly pinpoint it.   “H-hey…” The boy slows down the pace, remembering something.   “What?”   “Can you stop envisioning my voice and imagining what I’d say? It’s awkward to hear what my voice sounds like to you in your head.”   He rolls his hips slowly, going deeper with the languid speed and it has you crumbling. “N-Nam...joon...s-stop talking. F-faster.”   “Why? I wanna go slower. You taste so good,” he whispers, making fun of you and recalling the cheesy dialogue you came up with in your daydream.   “F-fuck you.”   He laughs, sound gentle and tinkling. Namjoon kisses the back of your neck, right on the nape and he licks his thumb before tenderly rubbing at your clit. Against your will, loud noises spill from your throat and it has him shushing you. Your teeth sink into your bottom lip, entire body jostling with how he goes faster. You’re scared of someone coming in — but the risk is exciting at the same time.   Namjoon can read your thoughts and he gets off on your fantasies too.   You imagine what it would be like if the bell rang, if a bunch of kinds came in, pissing in the urinals, washing their hands at the sink, talking and goofing off. They wouldn’t know what was going on behind the thin wall of the cubical except that there were two pairs of feet right by each other.   “Nam...too-...too much...” He’s rubbing too hard at your clit, forgetting to measure his strength, overexcited with your imagination and it’s too late. The tension in your lower stomach finally tightens and snaps. Your toes curl and you sob his name louder.   He cups your mouth with his hand, muffling your shriek. Your eyes shut tight and you clench around him. The boy groans lowly, sound vibrating and you hear mumbles of your name. His chin is propped on your shoulder and he thrusts twice, sloppy, milking your orgasm and he cums too.   Namjoon is still hugging you close as you both catch your breath.   Eventually he slips himself out and lets go.   You turn around. “That was….better than last time.”   He grins, dimples marking his cheek, strands of his hair sweaty. He slips off his condom. “Next time will be even better.”   Next time?   You’re fixing your bra and shirt, pulling your skirt down again, but the thought in your head is loud and clear. Namjoon doesn’t say anything. Maybe he pretends not to know and you don’t comment either, afraid of questioning how many more times this will happen, afraid of defining what exactly this arrangement is.    “We should get back before they actually start wondering where we are.”   “Yeah.” You flatten down your messy hair, getting your panties back from him despite them being soiled. As you put them back on with a grimace, you watch Namjoon throw the used condom in the toilet. You don’t think twice as he tugs up his slacks. But then it hits you. “W-wait, don’t flush it down the—”   The toilet whirls down automatically. “Shit, too late!”   The pair of you are frozen, watching the destruction happen right in front of your eyes. It doesn’t flush all the way down and seems to burp back. The water runs without once stopping. It starts to overflow.   “Oh my god.”   There’s no choice, but to run.   //   The chain of things that occur after your little rendezvous with Namjoon would be cause for embarrassment, if only you weren’t so shameless now. It may be because you’ve gotten comfortable enough with him, with sex acts, and because you know he’s equally responsible for everything that happens. As long as nobody else knows and it’s just between you and him, there’s no need to be ashamed.   It’s a secret that the two of you share.   “Everyone, listen up.” The health teacher, Mr. Bang, claps his hands at the front of class, quieting down the conversations of students. “On Friday afternoon, there was an incident here at this school.”   “What happened?” There’s a sea of murmurs that ripples throughout the room and your ears perk, picking up on the girls next to you.   “Didn’t you hear? Someone flushed down a used condom in the boys washroom by the science hall that clogged the toilet. It flooded the entire washroom and they had to shut it down for the rest of the day.”   “Ew, gross.”   “Wait, does that mean someone had sex in the washroom? Ugh!”   “Quiet down, quiet down.” The teacher slaps a stack of papers on the desk, gathering the attention back. “There will be consequences for students who engage in anything inappropriate at school. Okay? I just want to make that clear. It’s completely inappropriate and there’s possibility for suspension. We already know who these people are, alright?”    For a moment, he eyes Hoseok and Krystal sitting at the side, near the middle rows.   Some glance at them too in disdain and disgust. Hoseok finally looks up, snapping back to attention. “Wait, what?”   Mr. Bang clears his throat and moves on. “In light of what happened, the superintendent wanted me to review some things we learnt earlier in this course.”    There’s a collective groan, but he shuts it down by saying this is what happens when something like that at school occurs. He begins to write it on the board, marker squeaking on the smooth surface. He’s returning back to the sex-ed unit.   “Look, I get it, alright? You’re at that age where you went to begin getting closer to people and you want to start experimenting with things. But if you don’t want to get pregnant and birth out a baby that you have to take care of for the next eighteen years, do not have sex.”   The students roll their eyes, leaning back on their seat. Few are still alert, most zoning and tuning out. It’s the same thing over and over again, teachers parroting each other, as afraid of kids becoming sexually active as they are of ghosts. “If you don’t want any horrible STIs to follow you around for the rest of your life, do not have sexual intercourse. You don’t know if any of these people have gotten tested! They could have anything. Protection like condoms and birth control are not one hundred percent effective. There’s always a chance it could happen. The best protection is to not do it at all. Don’t risk disease—”   You’re one of the many that have stopped paying attention. Actually, your awareness of the classroom has long been removed. The words going in one ear and out the other. Instead, you’re busy sitting next to Namjoon, stealing peeks at him. You’re thinking about getting on the floor, crawling under his desk, fumbling with his pants.    What are you doing?   Making you feel good.   You envision unzipping his trousers, pulling out his cock excitedly, spitting in your palm to stroke him. He’d become harder in your hand, redder, and you’d lean close to kiss the top, relishing in it when you feel him shiver. Namjoon would tangle his fingers in your hair and tug you closer. You wouldn’t know what to do, how to do it, but he’d teach you, guiding your mouth on him. You’d try your best to take him as far as you can go, salivating and slobbering all over his dick. It would hurt your jaw and you’d gag, choke, but the effort would be worth it when he praises you.   You glance over at Namjoon in reality, finding him shifting uncomfortably, ears bright pink.   A smirk pulls into your cheek. You’d like that, wouldn’t you, Namjoon?   He turns his head towards you, expression impassive. But you catch his Adam’s apple bobbing and he doesn’t say anything, simply nodding.   He no longer protests your active imagination. While it’s still a massive distraction to his concentration, he reads your mind promptly and willingly. You’ve got him wrapped around your finger and you love every second of it.   “Excuse me, Mr. Bang?” You approach the health teacher with Namjoon behind you, backpacks on your shoulders, stack of textbooks in your arms.   The older man lifts his chin. “Oh! Y/N, Namjoon! What can I do for you?”   “We finished filling out the diagrams.” You hand in the sheets of paper of the vagina and penis, perfectly labeled with a small description underneath them. Apparently, this is what the school system thinks is sexual education. “We were wondering if we could go to the library to study for the upcoming physics test.”   He nods. “Did you finish everything else for this class?”   “Yes.” You smile. “We both did.”   The teacher returns your smile. “Go ahead then, just make sure you’ve double-checked everything.”   “Thank you.”   The two of you leave the classroom quietly, the other students still causing a ruckus for him. The door shuts and you happily skip down the hall while Namjoon trails after you, laughing. The teachers think you’re both very responsible, studious students — goody two shoes and maybe academic friends at best. No one would ever suspect and that makes it all the more fun to break the rules.   But while you’re happy keeping these secrets between the pair of you, it’s a shame that no one else knows how attractive Namjoon is. It’s one secret you don’t want to keep to yourself. You wish more people saw what you did. How his awkwardness is actually sweetness and makes him all the more authentic, how his clumsiness is cute, how smart and warm-hearted he is.   As he shadows your steps, your thoughts have Namjoon blushing in a deeper shade. He stares at the back of your head, feeling tingles in his chest, unable to resist a grin when you think about how you at least get him all to yourself.   The librarian welcomes you, busy stacking and registering new shipment of books in the back closet. This early in the morning, there aren’t any students. You’re free to pick and choose wherever you want to go, but without hesitation you walk to the farthest table hidden behind multiple bookshelves. You both drop off your belongings there and scatter off to the corner. He takes your hand and leads you forward, weaving through the maze of shelves in the back where no one else can see.   It’s deathly quiet, enough to hear pins dropping. But in this small space, the noise of soft smacking disrupts the peace. Namjoon kisses you roughly and desperately like he’s trying to get himself off with just this. His tongue is down your throat, his spit entering your mouth. It makes you hot and bothered, Namjoon trying to make you as aroused as you’ve made him. You’ve gotten him riled up after all. It’s revenge.   The boy’s glasses knock against your face, but neither of you care enough. His kisses have made you dizzy. “N-Namjoon,” you gasp, pushed against the corner where the shelf meets the smooth wall.   He lifts one of your legs, palm pressed against the meat of your thigh. It’s done with urgency, less playful, less talking and more serious and intimate than before. Your eyes stray off, peeking through the shelves and gaps between the books, finding no one watching.   Suddenly, he pushes deeper into you, silencing your brain until you think of him and only him.   You’re surrounded in his scent, deodorant, cologne, natural sweat. His hands are all over you, tender touches and eager groping with attempted restraint that fails. His broad body shields you away from any potential prying eyes, covering you from head to toe. He tastes like chapstick and you relish in the gentle sounds drawing out of him, grunts and moans, caught in a trance. Namjoon kisses you closer, deeper until you’re overwhelmed.   He only pulls away when you whimper. A thin line of saliva catches between your lips, glistening in the light. But you don’t notice when he’s gazing at you in such a way, endeared. You swallow hard, feeling small under his intense eyes.   It’s only in reading these thoughts that Namjoon ends up turning away. “We should…”   Wait. What? You’re confused and impulsively, you grab onto him, tugging his sleeve. “Are we not going to….?”   He grins, dimples creasing on either side of his cheek before he pushes his glasses up casually. “We almost got caught last time.”   “No.” The syllable draws out into an unintentional whine. “It’s because you flushed it down the toilet. Who told you to do that?”   He laughs, sound tinkling in your ears pleasantly. “You’re so needy.”    But Namjoon returns anyhow, holding you and pushing your panties to the side. His fingers play at your slit, tapping gently like he’s fiddling with piano keys. It makes you jolt and he nuzzles into you, knocking his head down, forehead pressed against your shoulder.   “C-Can you blame me?”   It feels too good. You wish he could touch you all the time.    Namjoon reads your mind and smiles softly without you knowing. He mumbles into your shirt, “You’re so cute.”   Such a wholesome comment shouldn’t be spoken when the tips of his fingers are spreading your folds and he’s entering you. With two digits, he sinks deep into your leaking cunt until he’s knuckle deep. Namjoon has the audacity to laugh as you choke on air and in retaliation, you weakly hit your fist against his shoulder. He’s amused at how sensitive you still are even after doing it so many times, to the point where you’ve both lost count.   “We’re in the library, so keep it down will you?”   “Then stop doing that.”   “Doing what?” He curls his fingers against your velvet walls, hitting a spot that has you sobbing and pathetically trying to hold back. “You mean that?”   He’s being a sly shit, gained too much confidence touching you — but you don’t hate it. He scissors you, thrusting his fingers in and out, twisting his wrist. You knock your head back. If the librarian finds Namjoon fondling you like this with his hand shoved up your skirt, your panties moved to the side, she would be mortified, maybe even getting a heart attack.   “You really like thinking about people catching us, huh?”   “N-no….” Your objection is weak and he grins. “D-do you want me to...blow you?”   He hums, considering it, but the way the member in his pants stir and how he swallows hard is unmistakable. “N-no, I’m good.” His rejection surprises you. You thought any horny teenage boy would jump at the chance. Your fantasies seemed to make him riled up too. “Maybe later, in my room, if you’re okay with that,” he clarifies your confusion as he pets your velvet walls, feeling around like he’s searching for something. It makes your legs tremble.   You nod and decide to tease, “You think you’re not gonna last if we do it here?”   Namjoon scoffs. “No. It’s gonna take a long time to teach you.”   “I’m a fast learner,” you counter.   “I know. But I kind of...want you to sit on my face again….if you want….” He’s nervous for the first time in a long while.   You piece it together, brows lifting. You want me to blow you while sitting on your face? So like sixty nine?   He becomes red in the face, fingers inside of you halting. “Is that bad?”   No. Just predictable.   Namjoon lightly scoffs, but if you were frank, the plans made you enthusiastic and he knows it too. The boy kisses you, squeezing a handful of your breasts over your uniform blouse, becoming more patient. But you make him pick up the speed and he gets out his condom that he seems to have on hand now twenty-four seven. Both your legs end up wrapping around his waist and while you’re scared of falling or snapping him in half, he holds your weight well while you’re leaning against the wall.   He continues to rut against you, thrusting as fast as he can manage. With his thick girth stretching you out so nicely, you squeeze around him, enjoying it when you can make him sputter. After the third time, he’s had enough of your antics and kisses you, deeper, muffling your noises. Books knock against the shelf, several almost falling. Your wetness might just drip down and stain the carpet, leaving your mark with Namjoon’s.   The two of you are sweaty against each other, getting closer to your release.   “H-Hey….”   “Hmm?”   “Keep your eyes on me.”   You nod, trying your best. But Namjoon can’t hold you up anymore. As his strokes become sloppier, one of your left leg falls when you’re not ready. Your knees buckle and he slips out of you, but luckily, Namjoon catches you in his arms and the both of you burst out laughing.   You lean against the wall, he gets himself back in you and you both return to what you were doing before. Namjoon stares at your expression and you lock your eyes into his. He fucks you like he likes you.   Finally, his hand moves to rub your clit with his thumb. It’s enough for you to be pushed over the edge and you stifle your sounds against his shoulder, slobbering on his uniform blazer. You clench, hot walls of velvet like a vice grip, clenching around his length. He groans and moves twice before cumming.    After a moment of hugging you, he pulls himself out and pushes your panties back to hold in the mess you made.   “Don’t throw the condom in the corner,” you chide.   Namjoon breathlessly laughs. “What? I was going to put my kids in between the dictionaries for someone to find later.”   You weakly hit him, giggling together.

It’s a sunny day, the weather nice and pleasant, warm enough that you don’t need a jacket. With your stomach full of food, you couldn’t be any happier. And your joy is found in the way your steps have a slight skip to them.   Namjoon smiles, watching you and matching his walking pace with yours.   The pair of you had grabbed a meal together at a fast food restaurant. A reward for doing so well on your biology midterm. While the teacher didn’t announce who did the best, she read the top two marks out loud and they happened to be you and him. You got ninety-five percent while Namjoon scored ninety. The fact that you miraculously did better than him in a subject that you despise has you even more bubbly.   The food wasn’t much, but you liked it. Actually, what you really like is being around Namjoon, even if it’s not for sex, even if it’s to do whatever.   These thoughts have him grinning. But you don’t notice.   “—wanted to die, oh my god.”   “I didn’t know she would be there!” he argues back, but the two of you aren’t fighting. It’s humorous banter, created from mortification and disbelief.   “What if she found me, some random chick, in her kitchen giving her son a blowjob?! Oh my god.”   “You’re not some ‘random chick’. She knows who you are.” He shrugs. “Plus, you like people watching so…”   “I do not!”   “You know I can read your mind, right?”   “Stop!” You hate it. “Get out!”   Namjoon laughs. “What I’m saying is that it’s fine. She didn’t find us like that. And if it helps, she actually likes you.”   “Well, I hope it was worth it, because now she probably thinks I’m your girlfriend.” The entire time, you ended up talking to Namjoon’s mom and answering her numerous questions like it was a job interview instead of doing the deed.   The boy smiles. “I don’t mind.”   “What? That I didn’t get to blow you or that your mom thinks we’re together?”   “Did you end up looking at what university you wanted to go to yet?”   “Oh yeah. I was looking into the admission requirements.” The topic is switched so drastically, but you don’t even notice when it comes to your studies. You and Namjoon made a pact to help each other get into university and it was comforting to have someone help along the way. “Apparently, the math program at MK National isn’t bad. I’ve already done some research onto some profs to take and what GPA boosters there are.”   Namjoon laughs. “Wow, so prepared.”   “Of course,” you hum back before remembering something, “Don’t take economics, by the way. It’s not as easy as people make it out to be apparently.”   “Noted.” The corners of his mouth quirk.   “Haseul’s thinking about going into nursing..” She’s one of the few friends that you have. “...so that’s more incentive to me.” Plus, he’s there too.   Namjoon reads your mind and grins to himself, downcast head facing his feet shyly. “So you’ve decided on MK National then?”   “I don’t know. I’m aiming for it, I guess, but if I don’t get in then I don’t.”   “You’ll get in,” the boy reassures. “You’re smarter than I am.”   His confidence in you draws a sheepish smile on your face.   The two of you are strolling to the bus stop together and while you’ll have to get onto different buses, it’s still nice to traipse around with him like this. At least, that’s what you’re mulling until your daydream is broken by the back of his hand grazing against yours.   You glance down before looking away. For the first time in a long time, you’re nervous again. There’s an urge within you to hold his hand, an instinct that tells you that’s the only right way to walk alongside Namjoon. But that’s kind of weird — you don’t know if you should, if that would make things awkward. In fact, you don’t even know what the limits are when you’re unsure of what your relationship with Namjoon is in the first place, friends with benefits or—   You’re thinking about it for too long. You’re making Namjoon get a headache.   So gingerly, he reaches over while nonchalantly looking ahead, deciding for you. His fingers find your wrist and he moves his hand down, tangling your fingers together, palms clasping, gingerly holding your hand. None of you speak.   You don’t like how he can read your mind.   But this is one of the few times you appreciate it.   His hand squeezes yours — your chest feels warm.   //   “Are you alright?”   Why? I’m fine.   Namjoon knows that you overthink. You like to consider every decision that you make, calculating the benefits and the consequences, making plans for your future. Everything is logical to you. The only reason he’s with you now is because of your rare impulse, emotions that you couldn’t handle or control on your own. He’s with you because of your fantasies and lustful daydreams stowed at the back of your brain for no one else to know of.    If you controlled your urges, he wouldn’t be a part of your life right now.    The realization makes him a bit uncomfortable. He was never a part of your plan, a part of what you envision for your future. For once, he’s thankful for his ability — it’s given him the opportunity to get to know you. But at the same time, he’s disheartened to know that you’ve only kept him around for a few purposes.   Aside from that, you like to lie a lot too.   He can read your mind. He knows your thoughts are a chaotic train on fire heading straight for hell. Yet, you like to act like it’s all fine. Like nothing’s wrong. But he knows you better than that. He can read you better than that. He knows you better than you know yourself. And Namjoon knows that despite what you might think, he’s just not just a temporary person in your life.    “Namjoon!” You’re making a ruckus without being aware of it, standing on the tips of your toes, waving your arm over your head. A stupid smile pulls onto his face and he waves back. People’s heads turn. Your friends are confused and so are his. But you don’t seem to care, happier to see him than being mindful of your surroundings.   He can see the way your eyes always light up when you find him in the crowd.    He notices the way you like to ramble about your day to him. “—finished my paper. But I can’t believe she assigned me to edit Hoseok’s paper. He only had one paragraph done. And I couldn’t even read it! His writing doesn’t even look like chicken scratch. It’s like he wrote it while on the toilet using his toes.”   Laughter bubbles up his throat. “Well, not everyone is Miss. Prepared like you are. Did he at least edit your paper?”   “No.” You pout. “He gave it back and told me it was perfect.”   His gaze on you softens. “It probably was.”   Namjoon catches on before you even know yourself.   You don’t need to say anything. He already knows how you feel about him — and this knowledge makes him more giddy than he’d ever like to admit.   //   For the most part, you aren’t deprived anymore.   A certain someone keeps you satisfied enough to pay attention in class, tires you out enough to make you sleep well at night, placate your endless desires. But still, there are times when you’re bored or sleepy in class and you actively begin to daydream to keep yourself awake.    It’s in social studies that your mind begins to wander without restraint, Namjoon not here to turn around and glare or later scold you for making him lose his concentration.   You envision a faceless stranger waltzing into the classroom, boots tapping against the floor. This person would stride towards the teacher’s desk in the corner. They’d plop down on the swivel chair, lean back, spread their legs comfortably, eyes sweeping the room. You imagine their gaze would stop on you and the corner of their mouth would tug, hand motioning you to come.   He’d guide you to sit on his lap, right on top of his thighs. Your hands would find purchase on his broad shoulders. After you’re settled, he would hum in satisfaction and his rough hands would be placed on the dips of your waist, plush lips skimming down your neck, kissing lightly. He’d relish in the way you’d shiver.    You like that? The voice is familiar somehow, but you can’t pinpoint it.   Y-yes. Please hurry…   Why should I? Don’t you like it when people watch us? Look at all these kids looking. They don’t know you're such a dirty girl. Should we show them? Should we do a class demonstration and show them how it’s supposed to be done?   His fingers play with the hem of your skirt, tugging it up while he fumbles with his pants, lifting you slightly and pulling down the waistband enough to slip his hardening cock out of his briefs. The way his tip leaks has you swallowing hard, remembering the salty flavour.    I-I don’t like people looking, you’d protest weakly, meeting the man’s eyes.   He snorts, air rushing out of his nose. You know I can read your mind, right?   There’s a pause that lingers — you nearly shatter out of your daydream. What?   The person you’re straddling doesn’t answer, lips returning to the sweet spot between your shoulder and neck, hot tongue lapping at it and drawing shudders out of your body. Then he sucks hard, making you cry out. His arms are around you, letting you arch but not shuffle away, pushing you close. He ends up grabbing hold of his cock, squeezing the base and lining it up with your slit.   The boy doesn’t wait, shoving his hips upwards and making you sob, feeling your cunt stretch. He fucks into you raw with his red cock. He groans, thrusting upwards a few times before he holds your hips. Ride me, Y/N, he commands and forces you to sink down onto him until he’s balls deep inside of you. It’s enough to have your walls clenching around his girth, for you to moan and tremble.   C’mon, you can do it, baby, he coaxes and you nod several times, trying your best.   With as much strength as you can muster in your leg, you pull yourself up and drop down on him, swiveling your hips and doing what feels good. The boy helps you too, thrusts moving halfway, praises rolling off his tongue.   You’re so cute, he hums, thumb harshly rubbing your nipple back and forth, his hand underneath your shirt, shoved past your bra.   Pleasure takes hold, making your vision blurry, but you don’t focus on reaching an orgasm or pleasing him. Instead, something’s taken hold of your brain and while you ride him, you curl your hand into his hair, fingers tugging the strands. You pull his head back and he moans your name. His chin is lifted, Adam’s apple bobbing in his throat and you narrow your eyes into his features.   Who are you?   The faceless person begins to morph under your touch. The fog lifts and you realize it’s not someone random, a mere placeholder of another body, in your fantasy. His hair is dark, matching the colour of his half-lidded eyes staring back at you, dimples marking into each side of his cheek. His glasses sit on his nose, framing his face, accentuating the jawline.   For the first time, your imagination’s found a face. It’s—   “Miss Y/N.”   You come crumbling back to reality, realizing where you are. Your fantasies disperse into thin air. The teacher’s right in front of you, clearing his throat. Everyone’s eyes are on you and the middle-aged man repeats his question, “I was asking you what the branches of government are.”   “Judicial, legislative and executive,” you say without missing a beat.   The teacher smiles, pleased that you were paying attention even though it seemed like you weren’t. He knows you would never be distracted like some of his other students. “Very good.” He spins around on his heel. “You ought to learn a thing or two from Miss. Y/N, Jung Hoseok.”   The student shoots you a glare that you wholeheartedly don’t even register.   You’ve lost your train of thought, but it felt really important.   For the rest of the day, you’re distracted, unable to focus on anything as you try to trace back to what your thoughts were, replaying what you last remembered. But it’s gone. You’re frustrated beyond belief, feeling out of your element, out of control. But no matter how upset you are at forgetting, there’s no point in moping over lost thoughts.   That is until you sleep.   It’s at night, laying in your bed, deep in slumber that it all returns. Except this time, your subconscious has conjured something that isn’t sexual in the least bit. You dream of calling out to someone, of watching them catch up to you, how you hold their hand, entwining your fingers together with them without hesitation. It’s oddly intimate.   You dream about a strappy, tall boy with gawky glasses and plaid flannels. You dream about soft touches, tender kisses, dimples and doting gazes.   In a shock, much like a nightmare — you jolt awake in the middle of the night.   You finally know who it is.   //   “Hey, can I come over today?” you ask in the hall, holding your books to your chest.   The tall boy with his gawky glasses takes one good look at you and smiles. “No. I’m hanging out with Jinyoung today.”   “Oh.” You turn away, only to steal another glance of him. “Can we….go to the library then?”   “Why?” The boy plays dumb, like he can’t read your mind in a split of a second.   “C-Cause….you know….” You’re not trying to play coy on purpose, but it’s cute.   Namjoon can’t help but be endeared by you. He’s known most people to act differently from their thoughts, people laughing with their friends and at the same time cursing them in their heads. He’s known people internally swearing at him before, teachers that secretly thought he was an idiot, his own parents angry enough at times to think that they didn’t want him as a son.   There’s evilness in everyone — dishonesty, backstabbing, two-faced — but when it comes to you, there’s only nastiness in the best sense possible. All you have are dirty thoughts.   He loves it.   “I don’t.”   “Namjoon,” you whine, “you know what I’m trying to say.”   He shrugs with another mischievous smile. “Don’t know till you tell me.”   The pout on your face does little to persuade him, so with a face lit on fire, you end up whispering, “I-I...want you t..to fuck me.”   “Oh.” He nods and pretends to consider it. “But I thought they were doing a presentation in the library today. It’s probably crowded.”   “Then how about the boy’s locker room?” you suggest, completely shameless.   “Hmmm…..that’s a good place. But I don’t really feel like it.”   “What?”   Namjoon shrugs. “I don’t feel like it.”   “Oh. Okay.” Your head turns to face forward, though the nonchalant act does little to cover up how embarrassed you really are. Still, you easily respect his decision with zero protests.   But for the next handful of times, Namjoon completely rejects your advances. He rolls it off his shoulders, purposely acting ignorant and depriving you of all physical contact. It’s confusing and you begin to trace back to what you did. Maybe he was doing this as petty revenge, but you can’t think of anything you did wrong. You don’t understand.   On a Tuesday afternoon, you catch him shifting his pants underneath his desk as you purposely daydream. You stare hard into the side of his face, catching on that he’s having a hard time with this sudden dry spell too, but he does nothing afterwards to satisfy either of you. It’s strange.    Maybe Namjoon’s just lost interest in you. That would make some logical sense. Maybe you’re boring now that he’s fucked you twenty times—   “Hey.”   You turn, interrupted in your contemplation. “What?”   One moment you’re upright and the next, he’s snaked his arms around you, pulling you into his body. You yelp, but the sound is suffocated against his mouth. Namjoon kisses you in the empty hallway, tongue down your throat. It’s risky. You don’t know why he’s doing this here. The bell’s about to ring. But your brain is silenced. All worries cease.   You shut your eyes after a delayed moment, reveling in him.   The sly boy takes his time in drinking in your expression. The passionate kiss sadly lasts for the shortest of seconds, only satisfying you for a mere moment.   He lets you go just as fast as he held you.   And you’re left breathless with swollen lips. The taste of chapstick lingers. “Wh-what was that?”   “Nothing.” Namjoon shrugs, back of his hand coming to wipe his mouth, taking your saliva off of his mouth.   Okay….   Maybe he didn’t lose interest in you after all.   You’re more befuddled than before and more frustrated as well. It doesn’t add up — you must be making him uncomfortable with your sexual frustrations. The thoughts have been swirling around in your brain twenty four seven, purposely at that. You conjure up your fantasies every second you’re in his proximity. Yet, it gains nothing. There is no reaction.   You even try touching yourself one night and while it does little to relieve your needs, you tell him through your thoughts the next day, conveying it with your brain waves. Again. Zero reaction.   Perhaps he’s lost his ability. Maybe you got too close to him and his brain exploded and he can’t read your thoughts anymore. That wouldn’t be such a horrible thing considering you’d get your privacy back…..but it’s also terrible. The one time you want him to know your needs and he doesn’t.   It takes three weeks, nearly a month of no sexual contact, for you to break. And you end up cornering Idiot Kim Namjoon on the way to the bus stop.   “W-what’s wrong, Y/N?”   Nervous laughter escapes him. You’ve literally cornered him in, metal fence digging into his back, mailbox to his left — there’s no escape. You’re near some poor old lady’s lawn, a bunch of high schoolers causing disturbances. But you don’t care how you look to outsiders. You can’t study at all. And when something begins to impair your academic abilities and your grades, you will stop at nothing to rid of it.    “You tell me what’s wrong!” Your foot stamps like that of a petulant child. “Why have you been holding out?”   “Holding out on what?”   “Sex!” you shriek aloud and those passing by look over with widening eyes.   “What?”   “You haven’t touched me since the third of this month! Today is the twenty fourth!”   “I...I just didn’t feel like it.”   “Really?” You eye him up and down, finding it hard to believe. “I get it okay. If you don’t want to. It’s not like I mind. But I feel like you’re hiding something from me, Namjoon. You’re not telling me the entire truth. Suddenly you just don’t want to anymore?”   “I kissed you...if that counts.”   “That was eight days ago!”   The corner of his mouth is shifted up in amusement. “You’ve been keeping count?”   “Yes!” You’re unabashed, but at the same time, you want to cry. It’s so confusing that it hurts your head. “It’s just….ugh! I hate you!”   “No, you don’t.”   “Yes, I do!” You point an accusatory finger at his face, childish. “It’s unfair how you can read my mind like that but I can’t tell what you’re thinking at all! I hate you!”   Namjoon smiles softly and it causes your anger to surge. “I just don’t want you to treat me like your sex toy.”   “What?” By his sudden statement, you’re left hurt. “When have I ever?”   “I need you to admit something to me. That’s why I’m….‘holding out’, okay?”    It’s puzzling. Befuddling. You look at him like he’s speaking another language. This game...this puzzle...it’s too difficult to solve. You don’t want to play. “Admit what?”   This time, it’s Namjoon who’s cornering you. He approaches, fast steps that end up pushing you against the fence. He looks down and wears a dorky, yet gentle smile. The boy leans down and his warm breath against your ear makes the hairs on the back of your neck stand straight—   “You like me, don’t you?”   There’s an extended pause.   Your breath is halted. You’re ten seconds away from combusting on spot, steam coming out of your ears, body shutting down from mortification. You don’t know if you want to choke him out or grab fistfuls of your hair. “Oh my god….Oh my god! Get out of my head, Namjoon! Get out! Get out! Stop reading my thoughts!”   But he grabs both of your wrists, not allowing you to cover your face up with your hands. Namjoon stares at you with the biggest shit-eating grin that you want to smack off. “Why are you embarrassed?”   “You’re not supposed to know I like you! How dare you expose me, asshole!” you’re shouting at the top of your lungs. The grandma in the house is about to walk out with her cane and spank you both off her lawn for making such a ruckus.    You’re not so discreet anymore, drawing attention from everyone. Though no one seems to particularly care, assuming that it’s just kids joking around with one another or it’s young love and just a minor lover’s spat.   His stupid smile is about to break his goddamn cheeks.   “So you like me?”   You’re trapped and he already knows the answer anyway. There’s no choice but to own up and at least try to scrape up whatever's left of your dignity when you say it. “O-of course I like you. How could anyone not like you?”   Namjoon’s heart is soaring in his chest. He giggles, sound bubbling out and gentle. It makes your cheeks grow warmer. “Well good. Because I like you too.”   “Y-you do?” Part of you isn’t surprised, maybe your subconscious already knew it. But the other half that was filled with doubts is finally satisfied. You’re relieved. It’s a huge weight off your shoulders.   “How could anyone not like you,” Namjoon repeats with another laugh, brushing a strand of your hair away from your face, tucking it behind your ear. The soft movement has you stuttering, but he steps back soon after, giving you space.   “So...so what does this mean?”   Is he your boyfriend now? Or is this just a casual thing? What does ‘like’ even mean? Does he like-like you or just like you? Did he just acknowledge you enjoy each other's company? But that’s obvious, of course you enjoy each other’s company. Then...does this mean he wants to pursue some kind of long term relationship? Dating? But what does dating even mean? What do you have to do? What if this becomes awkward? What if you mess up?!   “I think….we should go on a date,” Namjoon suggests, calming you down before your brain goes completely haywire.   He takes your hand, squeezing lightly with a smile to match. Your thoughts compose itself.   “A date?” You blink, letting a few beats pass as everything that’s happened in the past five minutes sinks into you. It’s a lot to process. It’s overwhelming. But also— “That sounds... nice.”   He nods and hums a warm note. “And we can see what happens from there. Step by step. Date by date.”   It’s more than pleasant. You feel at ease in his company, in the way he knows your overthinking tendencies, how he so easily understands you.    But what you manage is a fake scoff. He already knows what you really think. “Who says I’m going on a second date with you? You’re going to have to earn that.”   “Please.” The pair of you are walking down the street again, hand in hand. “We both know you’re not going to leave my dick for someone else’s.”   “Namjoon!”   The clumsy boy laughs, squeezing your hand wrapped around his own.   //   You’re no longer safe in the depths of your own mind.   Namjoon knows what you’re thinking — he can tell your constant poker face is a facade and that every time your brows furrow, it’s not in concentration, but that you’re preoccupied in a daydream.   You’ve been invaded, thoughts exposed, but you don’t mind. He understands you better than yourself, helping you make sense of your occasional complicated ideas, appreciating your rather….strong imagination. He also quiets down your mind when it becomes too chaotic. He can stare at you and dive into your brain across the room, chuckling at what he finds.   His ability is what bound you and him together after all.   But these days, things are too busy to let your mind wander. And that’s okay too.   These days, there’s less of an urgency to have constant romps in the sack. These days, there’s less of a rush to spend time with one another. There’s no need to hurry along when you know Namjoon’s here to stay. There’s no need now that the pair of you are together.   “Namjoon!”   You shout from across the hall, springing up to him on this hectic morning. Yet, you don’t care about the way you draw attention, at how you’re making people stare, how you’re revealing your cover, no longer just the studious girl sitting on the side of class and blending into the wall.   You’re wearing a huge grin that is infectious to him. “What’s the matter?”   There’s an envelope in your hand. But you can’t spit the words out when you’re gasping, out of breath, having ran all the way here to find him. He’s the first person you wanted to tell. And luckily enough, you don’t even need to speak the words. One good look at you and he knows.   I got in.   All at once, his eyes widen. His lips part. Then they tug into his cheeks, dimples pressed on either side of his face. Without being able to resist, Namjoon picks you off the ground, tightly hugging you and spinning you around. You laugh into his shoulder, relishing in his embrace, celebrating.   It’s a moment between you and him in this busy hallway. No one else hears. No one knows.    It’s just a little secret that the two of you share.

[newstfionline]

Wednesday, July 14, 2021

Governments Worldwide Gorge on Record Debt (WSJ) The pandemic has pushed global government debt to the highest level since World War II, surpassing the world’s annual economic output. Governments, especially in rich countries, are borrowing still more, partly to erase the damage of Covid-19. Advocates say the spending, also encouraged by new economic thinking about debt, could usher in a period of robust global growth, reversing the malaise many wealthy countries have felt this century. But if those theories are off-base, the world could be saddled with debts that can be absorbed only via inflation, high taxes or even default. Either way, the combination of huge debt and markets’ lack of concern is unprecedented. The U.S. government is on course for a budget deficit of $3 trillion for the second year in a row. The U.S. has led the world with aggressive government borrowing to power recovery from the pandemic. Even before this year’s stimulus measures, the Congressional Budget Office projected that federal debt held by the public would reach 102% of GDP by the end of 2021, the highest level since just after World War II.

Pandemic-driven hunger is making the world more unequal (Washington Post) Worsening inequality, as poorer people and nations lose years of gains in the battle against hunger and poverty, is likely to be one of the lasting legacies of the pandemic. New data released by the United Nations on Monday illustrates the unequal impact as measured by access to a basic human necessity: Food. Global hunger shot up by an estimated 118 million people worldwide in 2020, according to the U.N. Food and Agriculture Organization, jumping to 768 million people—the most going at least as far back as 2006. The number of people living with food insecurity—or those forced to compromise on food quantity or quality—surged by 318 million, to 2.38 billion. In North America and Europe, formal employment, social safety nets and the widespread availability of remote work cushioned the blow. In those parts of the world, the percentage of people living with food insecurity edged up from 7.7 percent to 8.8 percent. But the developing world, home to billions of informal workers and gaps in government assistance, fared far worse. Asia and Africa are home to the majority of people in the world who are food insecure. But the region hit hardest by the coronavirus—Latin America and the Caribbean—saw the biggest one-year spike in food insecurity: a jump of nine percentage points, to 40.9 percent. “The developed world had the advantage of being formal economies, where if you do a lockdown, people have access to unemployment insurance or social aid,” said Máximo Torero Cullen, chief economist of the U.N. food agency. “That did not happen in much of the developing world. You saw a middle class move into poverty and the poor move into severe food insecurity.”

The kids are all right (New York mag) The kids are safe. They always have been. It may sound strange, given a year of panic over school closures and reopenings, a year of masking toddlers and closing playgrounds and huddling in pandemic pods, that among children the mortality risk from COVID-19 is actually lower than from the flu. The risk of severe disease or hospitalization is about the same. This is true for the much-worried-over Delta variant. It is also true for all the other variants, and for the original strain. Most remarkably, it has been known to be true since the very earliest days of the pandemic—indeed it was among the very first things we did know about the disease. The preliminary mortality data from China was very clear: To children, COVID-19 represented only a vanishingly tiny threat of death, hospitalization, or severe disease. Yet for a year and a half we have been largely unwilling to fully believe it. Children now wear masks at little-league games, and at the swimming pool, and when school reopens in the fall they will likely wear masks there, too. But the kids are not at risk themselves, and never were. Over the course of the pandemic, 49,000 Americans under the age of 18 have died of all causes, according to the CDC. Only 331 of those deaths have been from COVID—less than half as many as have died of pneumonia.

Western wildfires (USA Today) More than 300,000 acres are burning across six states across the western United States on Sunday as the region battled yet another brutal heat wave that shattered records and strained power grids. The largest, the so-called Bootleg Fire, burned across 143,607 acres in Oregon and was 0% contained. Officials in neighboring state California asked all residents to reduce power consumption quickly after the fire knocked out interstate power lines, preventing up to 4,000 megawatts of electricity from flowing into the state. Further south, the equally formidable Beckwourth Complex Fire measured 83,926 acres and was 8% contained in California, edging along the border with Nevada. It’s the largest wildfire of the year in the state. NV Energy, Nevada’s largest power provider, also urged customers to conserve electricity Saturday and Sunday evenings.

California to Pay Sterilization Victims (NYT) Leonard Bisel was 15 when the state of California decided that he should not have children, threatening to lock him up and force him to do hard labor if he did not submit to sterilization. In the middle of his operation, recalled Bisel, now 88, he woke up. “It was really painful,” he said, “and the doctor told me to shut up.” Under the influence of a movement known as eugenics, whose supporters believed that those with physical disabilities, psychiatric disorders and other conditions were “genetically defective,” more than 60,000 people across the United States were forcibly sterilized by state-run programs throughout the 20th century. They included more than 20,000 people over seven decades in California, under a eugenics law enacted in 1909. Almost all of the state’s procedures were performed through institutions, like the one where Bisel lived, and none were legally required to have the patient’s consent. Some of those sterilized were as young as 11. Even after California repealed its eugenics law in 1979, it continued to sterilize women in prison, sometimes without ensuring that their consent was lawfully obtained, according to a 2014 state report. Now California is prepared to spend $7.5 million to find and pay an estimated 600 surviving victims of coerced sterilization, both under the eugenics law and in prison, an estimated $25,000 each.

Red tides on Florida’s Gulf Coast (Washington Post) “Harmful algal blooms,” better known as red tides, occur as a result of a rapid increase in the population of algae in freshwater or marine water systems. Algal blooms are the result of a nutrient, like nitrogen or phosphorus from fertilizer runoff, entering the aquatic system and causing excessive growth of algae. Toxic red tides produce harmful effects on people, fish, shellfish, marine mammals, and birds. Tampa, St. Petersburg, and Sarasota are all on Florida’s western coast, abutting the warm waters of the Gulf of Mexico. In 2018, a long-lasting red tide afflicted residents of Sarasota County, causing sharp drops in tourism and hitting its economy hard. The event killed at least 19 dolphins and 239 sea turtles in Sarasota and Manatee counties, and about 2,000 tons of dead marine life in five counties were hit by the red tide. 100 manatees died statewide. This year, Florida’s Gulf Coast is suffering through an even worse toxic red tide. Dead fish were washing up on the shores of Tampa Bay before Tropical Storm Elsa swept through the state last week. Elsa’s strong winds pushed dead eels, dead baby sea turtles, and tons more lifeless fish onto the shores of St. Petersburg, surrounding residents and visitors in a cloud of rotting death. By Friday, St. Petersburg cleaning crews had collected 15 tons of dead fish, and still dead fish were everywhere—out in the water, on the shores, and in the mangroves. A lifelong fisherman looked out over Tampa Bay, but all he could see was endless death. “Never, ever, have I seen it this bad,” he said.

Biden, domestic politics, and Cuba (Washington Post) The anti-regime protests taking place throughout Cuba delivered yet another jolt to the White House. Just as the Biden administration was grappling with the near-unprecedented events in Haiti following the assassination of the country’s president, it now has to reckon with what could be a historic uprising taking place in nearby Cuba. Power outages and food shortages led to outpourings of anger in various cities in the island country. The question for the White House is what should be done next. In March, 80 Democratic lawmakers sent Biden a letter urging that he revoke some of Trump’s “cruel” sanctions, including ending restrictions on travel and the payment of remittances. “With the stroke of a pen, you can assist struggling Cuban families and promote a more constructive approach,” they wrote. But the Biden camp is wary of restarting the Obama-era thaw that saw new trade contacts develop between the countries and the glimmer of a detente. Domestic politics and the electoral significance of Florida make such overtures now a non-starter. Instead, Biden presides over a Cold War status quo that leaves the asphyxiating U.S. embargo on Cuba in place—a decades-long blockade that has for years hobbled the country’s economy and given the regime an external excuse for its travails. Last month, the United States found itself once more virtually alone at the United Nations, as the General Assembly voted almost unanimously—as it does annually—against the continuation of the economic embargo. “The truth is that if one wanted to help Cuba, the first thing that should be done is to suspend the blockade of Cuba as the majority of countries in the world are asking,” Mexican President Andrés Manuel López Obrador said on Monday. “No country in the world should be fenced in, blockaded.”

France rushes to get vaccinated after president’s warning (AP) Nearly 1 million people in France made vaccine appointments in a single day, after the president cranked up pressure on everyone to get vaccinated to save summer vacation and the French economy. President Emmanuel Macron announced Monday that vaccination would be obligatory for all health care workers by Sept. 15, and held out the possibility of extending the requirement to other parts of the population. With infections on the rise again around France, expectations had mounted in recent days that Macron would announce some kind of vaccination requirement, driving new demand for appointments.

Heavy rain floods Zurich streets, causes travel chaos (Reuters) Switzerland suffered one of its heaviest rainfalls on record during a thunderstorm that caused flooding and travel chaos on Tuesday in its financial capital, Zurich. Sections of Zurich’s bus and tram network were halted because fallen trees blocked lines, and some streets were flooded. The Meteo service at SRF said further rain was forecast and that flooding was likely to worsen, especially around lakes and rivers. It also warned of landslides.

Taliban surge in north Afghanistan sends thousands fleeing (AP) Sakina, who is 11, maybe 12, walked with her family for 10 days after the Taliban seized her village in northern Afghanistan and burned down the local school. As the Taliban surge through northern Afghanistan—a traditional stronghold of U.S.-allied warlords and an area dominated by the country’s ethnic minorities—thousands of families like Sakina’s are fleeing their homes, fearful of living under the insurgents’ rule. In the last 15 days, Taliban advances have driven more than 5,600 families from their homes, most of them in the northern reaches of the country, according to the government’s Refugee and Repatriations Ministry. In Camp Istiqlal, family after family, all from the Hazara ethnic minority, told of Taliban commanders using heavy-handed tactics as they overran their towns and villages—raising doubts among many over their persistent promises amid negotiations that they will not repeat their harsh rule of the past.

Iraqi health officials: 64 dead in fire at coronavirus ward (AP) The death toll from a catastrophic blaze that erupted at a coronavirus hospital ward in southern Iraq the previous day rose to 64 on Tuesday, Iraqi medical officials said. Two health officials said more than 100 people were also injured in the fire that torched the coronavirus ward of al-Hussein Teaching Hospital in the city of Nasiriyah on Monday. Earlier, officials had said the fire was caused by an electric short circuit, but provided no more details. Another official said the blaze erupted when an oxygen cylinder exploded. It was the second time a large fire killed coronavirus patients in an Iraqi hospital this year. At least 82 people died at Ibn al-Khateeb hospital in Baghdad in April, when an oxygen tank exploded, sparking the blaze. That incident brought to light widespread negligence and systemic mismanagement in Iraq’s hospitals. Doctors have decried lax safety rules, especially around the oxygen cylinders.

Japan warns of crisis over Taiwan, growing risks from U.S.-China rivalry (Reuters) Growing military tension around Taiwan as well as economic and technological rivalry between China and the United States raises the prospect of crisis in the region as the power balance shifts in China’s favour, Japan said in its annual defence white paper. The Japanese defence review, which was approved by Prime Minister Yoshihide Suga’s government on Tuesday, points to China as Japan’s main national security concern. China’s recent increase in military activity around Taiwan has Japan worried since the island lies close to the Okinawa chain at the western end of the Japanese archipelago. But there was an angry reaction in Beijing which said Japan has “for some time now” been making baseless accusations about China’s normal defence buildup and military activities. Chinese President Xi Jinping this month pledged to complete the “reunification” with Taiwan and in June criticised the United States as a “risk creator” after it sent a warship through the Taiwan Straits separating the island from the mainland.

Worst violence in years spreads in South Africa as grievances boil over (Reuters) Crowds clashed with police and ransacked or burned shopping malls in South Africa on Tuesday, with dozens reported killed as grievances unleashed by the jailing of former president Jacob Zuma boiled over into the worst violence in years. Protests that followed Zuma's arrest last week have widened into looting and an outpouring of generalised anger over inequality that persists 27 years after the fall of apartheid. Poverty has been exacerbated by severe social and economic restrictions aimed at blocking the spread of COVID-19. The South African Police Service (SAPS) said late Tuesday that as many as 72 people have lost their lives and 1,234 people have been arrested in the last few days of protests which have now turned into rampant looting and riots. Hundreds of looters raided warehouses and supermarkets in Durban, one of the busiest shipping terminals on the African continent and a major import-export hub. Aerial footage from local channel eNCA showed black smoke rising from several warehouses, while debris lay strewn. Troops were moving into flashpoints on Tuesday as outnumbered police seemed helpless to stop the unrest. Columns of armoured personnel carriers rolled down highways.

[phgq]

Don't put too much faith in ‘assassin units’, Parlade to Reds

#PHnews: Don't put too much faith in ‘assassin units’, Parlade to Reds

MANILA – The Communist Party of the Philippines-New People's Army (CPP-NPA) should not put too much faith in its "assassin units" or what they call Special Partisan Unit (SPARU) as its members are brutalized by the comrades before they were trained to kill and terrorize.

Southern Luzon Command (Solcom) chief, Lt. Gen. Antonio Parlade, Jr., made the comment in response to CPP founder Jose Maria "Joma" Sison's announcement that they have a basis to conduct armed partisan operations against Armed Forces of the Philippines (AFP) and Philippine National Police (PNP) and its allied units who are allegedly targeting "unarmed activists and civilians in urban areas".

Parlade, who is also National Task Force to End Local Communist Armed Conflict (NTF ELCAC) spokesperson, said there is a very high probability that these assassin units would just surrender to government forces rather than carry out the missions laid out for them by the CPP-NPA as they were raped and brutalized by comrades.

He cited the case of 13 assassin unit members based in Southern Tagalog who were decimated by a series of surrenders before being able to carry out its mission.

"To supervise the training, the CPP through its ILPS (International League of Peoples' Struggle) network, imported a Fil-Am, Amado Khaya Magalit (Canham) y Rodriguez alias 'Allen'/'Glenn'  and sent him to Laguna and Quezon for the SOG (Special Operations Group) training.  Moving to Mindoro later, the Regional SOG training continued. Of the 13 who graduated last March 2020, five already surrendered to Solcom. Barely a month after training, last April,  Roldan Malucon alias 'Jandie' surrendered," he said in a statement Monday.

Adding to the woes of this particular assassin is that another one of them, a certain Eleuterio Serrano alias "Ritter" was captured shortly afterward while last May Felix Diaz Masong alias "Arjo/Rex/Asga" surrendered to government troops.

"This was followed by the surrender of alias 'Rhino'/'Jhay'. Last October Ankwan Rauyan@Fernan/Temyong surrendered and now alias 'Elsie'," he said.

One alias "Elsie", formally known as 21-year-old Mary Jane Ganay was able to surrender to government troops last December 27 with the help of some friends from the clergy, he said.

"Elsie", resident of Occidental Mindoro, was invited by one Daislyn Castillo alias "Tikya", reportedly the wife of NPA Platoon Leader Marjun Malucon alias "Warren", to attend her wedding when she was 16.

"After that, she was not allowed to go back to her family anymore. Atty. Maria Sol Taule of NUPL (National Union of Peoples' Lawyer), this is called kidnapping. She was forced to join the unit, took party courses and military training in Monteclaro, San Jose, Occidental Mindoro where the STRPC (Southern Tagalog Regional Party Committee) was trying to relocate its regional headquarters," he added.

In December 2018, she was impregnated by an NPA identified only as "Zander", who was later killed in an encounter in Bulalacao, Oriental Mindoro.

Two months after she gave birth, she was forced to join the NPA Platoon of alias "Kenjie" and was not allowed to take care of her baby. The baby was taken from her designated ward without her consent.

"Judy Taguiwalo and Arlene Brosas of Gabriela, this is another kidnapping of its worst kind!" Parlade said.

This, he said, is not the end of the abuse suffered by "Elsie" from the hands of the hands of the NPA as she was raped by her own platoon leader.

Aside from this, she was also demoted and meted a one-year disciplinary action.

"The victim was meted punishment? How cruel but yes. She was later sent to join the Regional Special Operations Group (SOG) training," he said.

These abuses, he added, are among the reasons why NPA members and their allies are constantly surrendering to government forces.

More surrenders, arrests

Aside from surrenders due to NPA abuses, Parlade said continuing military operations caused the neutralization of RSOG member Juanito Gonzaga alias "Rod/Jun" in Masbate. 

Last December 17, 2020, during the serving of a warrant of arrest to alias "Dads", Head of Finance of Sub-Regional Mil Area 4C in Baras Rizal, three members of the regional murder squad were killed: Niño Alberga, Jonathan Alberga, and Carlito Simon.

"Farmers? No, they were armed to the teeth with two M-16 rifles, one Uzi submachine gun, a caliber .45 pistol, and a revolver. The eight other members of Joma's death squad escaped, with one wounded," he said.

Ongoing pursuit operations by the military troops again encountered fleeing "farmers" in Puray, Rodriguez, Rizal.

"If they are farmers, I suggest that Cristina Palabay of Karapatan present the eight as witnesses to their being 'farmers'," he added.

On December 30, he said Philip Alcantara y Valdez alias "Joshua", Platoon Leader of the Regional SOG of STRPC, was arrested in Guiguinto, Bulacan for multiple frustrated murder.

"He did not resist, so he is alive. Now Tinay has to produce the bail bond of this high-profile terrorist leader. Won't you Tinay Palabay?" he said.

Repercussions

With these prevailing situations within assassin units and NPA ranks, he said how can these terrorist units implement their punitive actions, and should they continue, these will have repercussions in the international community against the CPP-NPA.

"The international community, especially the UN (United Nations) and EU (European Union) surely know the implication of CPP and Jose Maria Sison's annihilative order in the context of international humanitarian laws and conventions. Yet this fool and his colleagues in the NDF (National Democratic Front) refuse to admit that the CPP-NPA are terrorist organizations," he added.

The CPP-NPA is listed as a terrorist organization by the United States, European Union, the United Kingdom, Australia, Canada, New Zealand, and the Philippines.

"Going back to his murderous partisans, how can Sison rely on them? After being raped by fellow NPAs, he expects his hitmen and women to heed? If they can't hit VIPs with that kind of sloppy training (and they won't) soon they will be asked to kill instead, ordinary activists just like what they did with James Durimon alias 'Jurros', who was ordered to kill 17 peasants in Panay,” Parlade said.

He added that they will soon assassinate lowly, genuine activist members of Anakbayan, Kabataan, Gabriela, Bayan Muna, ACT, KMU, etc but will spare the party members running it from Kabataang Makabayan, MAKIBAKA, KAGUMA, and RCTU that are found in the NDFP member organization website ndfp.org.

“Then what? Blame the government?" he said.

He said the Fil-Am trainor for Sison’s assassin units is now dead due to coronavirus disease 2019 (Covid-19) while evading government troops in Mindoro. (PNA)

***

References:

* Philippine News Agency. "Don't put too much faith in ‘assassin units’, Parlade to Reds." Philippine News Agency. https://www.pna.gov.ph/articles/1126507 (accessed January 06, 2021 at 09:06PM UTC+14).

* Philippine News Agency. "Don't put too much faith in ‘assassin units’, Parlade to Reds." Archive Today. https://archive.ph/?run=1&url=https://www.pna.gov.ph/articles/1126507 (archived).

[jobsearchtips02]

At Ford, COO Jim Farley seeks to speed as he plans to move business into the future

CLOSE

All of a sudden, Jim Farley is discussing his grandpa– a man who started at Ford Motor Company carrying a metal lunch bucket into the factory at the turn of the 20 th Century.

It is that household history that inspires Farley and brings him forward.

” It’s go time,” he stated, hours after being promoted to Ford’s chief running officer, a role that creates a smooth succession plan to replace CEO Jim Hackett, the retired Steelcase executive who took the helm at Ford in Might 2017.

Farley downplayed the surprise executive shakeup that unfolded Friday and declined to state whether he had been made any promises for the future.

” Right now, my focus is on the work itself and our team,” Farley said throughout an interview with the Detroit Free Press shortly after revealing news of his improved role. “We have a lot to do at Ford that I — I believe that’s almost immaterial for me personally.”

Farley, 57, joined Ford in 2007 as worldwide head of marketing and sales and went on to lead Lincoln, Ford South America and Ford of Europe.

In April 2019, Ford named Joe Hinrichs to direct automotive production and operations globally, and Farley to lead automotive 2.0 and the future that consists of driverless automobiles and big information.

Farley led Ford’s New Organisations, Innovation & Method group, assisting the business identify how to capitalize on forces reshaping the industry– Ford highlighted software application platforms, connection, AI, automation and brand-new types of propulsion.

Now Farley will be responsible for all worldwide markets and automobile operations, Ford Smart Movement and autonomous lorries

His priorities are clear. Financial performance? Check. Product launch plans for the F-150 and Bronco and Mustang Mach E? Check.

” What my focus is, is to flex the curve on our monetary performance and get all these great new items out on the roadway and take advantage of the new ability that remains in them, like connection,” Farley stated.

” We have this attack of item the 2nd half of the year. We’re laser concentrated on bending that monetary curve as a group. We’re going to have a really comprehensive plan to over provide this year.”

In flux

Smart money inside the Glass House is on Farley. After all, it’s the specific path Mark Fields took to the top at Ford.

While applauding Farley and telling the world of his rise, Hackett informed reporters Friday he himself had no strategies to return to retirement anytime quickly. Still, he said, he has no control over the actions of Ford’s board of directors. It was a subtlety the financial press seized upon.

Regardless, the Ford stock rate showed little if any motion.

Farley said he is undeterred. He stated throughout the Free Press interview that increasing the value of the company and concentrating on brand-new product launches without making problems are the top priorities.

On Monday and Tuesday, his global team will come together.

” Consulting with my group is not important,” Farley said. “What’s important is the outcomes. First, we’re going to get extremely particular on the financial shipment and the opportunity this year, along with ensuring we’re doing whatever we can to reduce the danger with these wonderful brand-new launches.”

He mentioned Tesla as a competitor and noted the significance of identifying and monetizing technology chances known as “clever features” associated with customer behavior and utilizing tech to much better serve clients.

” There’s a huge amount of value production of taking connectivity with the customer’s consent” and “catching quality problems” and improving efficiency that benefits both consumers and the business, he stated, keeping in mind that tech and use of artificial intelligence will play important roles in Ford’s success.

No shortcuts

But what happened with the 2020 Ford Explorer launch in 2015 that resulted in countless automobiles being delivered from Chicago to Flat Rock for costly repairs and postponed shipments? Did job cuts as part of the business’s “smart redesign” — cutting layers of individuals in between the CEO and the line employee as directed by the Boston Consulting Group — strip away safeguards?

” No,” Farley said. “No.”

” The objective of that was to go faster however not to shortcut anything. No,” he said. “I can’t address your concern today because I have not gone through the details and heard from the team yet on what we can do to minimize the danger of these launches. I just, I need to hang around with my team.”

More: Surprise executive shakeup at Ford: Jim Farley goes up to COO, Joe Hinrichs retires

More: Mysterious problems interfere with shipment of 2020 Ford Explorer, Lincoln Aviator

More: UAW-Ford workers face deadline for $60,00 0 buyout

This entire transition to a tighter operation with more accountability and oversight is a natural by-product of already strong relationships in between the CEO and COO, Farley stated.

Minute by minute

” Jim (Hackett) and I have been working actually closely for 3 years,” Farley said. “Both of us are extremely curious people. You can anticipate us to work very, extremely carefully with each other.”

That suggests calls, memos, meetings, whatever it takes. Details are internal, Farley stated. However execution will be quantifiable, he assured.

” We’re going to operate in any way required to go faster,” Farley said. “Jim and I are extremely close and we’re utilized to for several years now working minute by minute, hour by hour, day by day.”

More: A guy who can construct a vehicle by hand leads Ford into future; ‘He’s simply never afraid’

One stays, another goes

On March 1, Ford will see the ascension of Farley and the departure of Hinrichs, two lieutenants that, up until this month, were considered as prospects for the company’s leading job.

Ford revealed on Friday that Hinrichs was retiring however then, during a call with reporters, Hackett mentioned that the “cherished” Hinrichs is “going to have a wonderful profession.” The odd phrasing suggested to some that the executive was not in fact retiring, simply leaving the business earlier than expected at age 53.

While Hinrichs has actually brought substantial production know-how to the business, Ford executives minimized the effect of his departure and highlighted that strength within the company is wider than outsiders may realize.

” First of all, the bench that Ford constructed and Joe developed is incredibly deep. This is a business that’s refined manufacturing over 116 years. We have worldwide depth in production, but not just that, buying and product development associated to launches,” Farley informed the Free Press. “Our capability never comes down to a single person. Joe was truly a master however he has a world class remarkable team. We’re not going to skip a beat.”

He emphasized, “Fast doesn’t indicate we’ll take shortcuts. It’s the opposite, really. When we have a problem that the team raises on a parts lack, the speed in which we respond to that is often something that can enhance the operating performance, not get us into more danger. We ‘d never ever make that trade. That would be an awful trade for us to make.”

No Dr. Seuss

Farley is the son of an effective lender and the cousin of a popular comedian– Chris Farley– whose death haunts him to this day. It is not the only household disaster that has formed the automobile executive. It is possibly his grandpa he misses many of all.

By the time Farley was 5 years old, he was being groomed by his grandfather, Emmet Tracy, an early worker of company founder Henry Ford, who went on to run an automobile parts organisation and a car dealership in Grosse Pointe.

While other grandparents checked out Dr. Seuss, Tracy sat down with a stack of Automotive News publications when his grandson visited during Christmas and summertime breaks. The 2 would drive previous what would become Detroit-area renowned websites: the Packard Plant, the Ford Piquette Plant and the Rouge Plant, where Tracy worked.

Farley told the Free Press in June 2019 that he might picture his grandpa arriving at the factory with his lunch pail as one of the nameless, faceless workers who developed Design Ts.

After making degrees in economics and computer science at Georgetown University and an MBA at UCLA in 1990, Farley scored task deals from Ford, General Motors and Toyota. At Ford, he would have concentrated on just one aspect of the F-Series truck. Toyota provided him the opportunity to focus on the entire cars and truck, particularly the launch of a new luxury brand name no one had become aware of– Lexus. And he took it.

Years later, after a successful career with Toyota, he would get recruited to Ford in 2007 by then-CEO Alan Mulally. Farley’s mother liked that he would return home.

He spent 3 years in Europe executing a turn-around prepare for Ford, oversaw the multibillion-dollar operation, and stopped the bleeding. From 2015-17 as president of Ford Europe, Farley performed a plan that improved profitability and sales.

Now, Farley stated, it’s time to carry out a plan stateside. When asked if enhancing incomes was a high concern, he stated, “Yes. You might put an exclamation point on that.”

Contact Phoebe Wall Howard at 313-222-6512 or phoward@freepress.com Follow her on Twitter @phoebesaid Read more on Ford and register for our vehicles newsletter

Check Out or Share this story: https://www.freep.com/story/money/cars/ford/2020/02/08/ ford-coo-jim-farley-product-launches-improve-earnings/4693496002/

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[scotianostra]

August 5th 1388  James, Earl Douglas, died out of sight of his army, in a bush, at Battle of Otterburn in which Scots defeat Henry Percy, (Hotspur) but with the loss of the Earl of Douglas.

Another battle another folk song and another Douglas!   James Douglas, 2nd Earl of Douglas, father was the nephew of yesterdays hero The Good Sir James, as with the families tradition he was heavily involved in border raids into England. 

Following the end of a truce with the English, Scottish forces began raiding across the border in the summer of 1388. English sources mark the date of the battle as August 19th, the Scots as the 5th, of course I am going to go with the 5th. 

Douglas led a Scottish force of around 6,000 men across the border into Northumbria, you know the script by now, burning and pillaging and generally laying waste to the English as they progressed.

The English were riding from Newcastle towards them and the two armies met at Otterburn. Sources say that the Scots commander, Douglas was involved in close hand-to-hand combat with his English counterpart, Harry Hotspur, the Scots took the English  pennon during this, apparently this was a big deal in the honourable warfare of the age.  

Later during the fighting, Douglas was mortally wounded, he asked his lieutenants to hide him in some bushes, so as not to let his men, or the English see him and let it influence the battle. 

The fighting continued brutally all through the night the Scots apparently tore into the English ranks with such ferocity that the English army fled in disarray, Percy  and he and his brother surrendered, and taken prisoner.  James the 2nd Earl of Douglas died of his wounds. 

And so two the songs, the battle was of such renown that several ballads were composed in its honour including The Battle of Otterburn and The Ballad of Chevy Chase also known as Child ballads 161 and 162. Chevy Chase rather mangles the history of the battle and may be confusing other conflicts at around the same time but it is still cited as one of the best of the ancient ballads.

Here is the full version of the Ballad, The Battle of Otterburn, also known as Child Ballad 161.  The Child Ballads are the colloquial name given to a collection of 305 ballads collected in the 19th century by Francis James Child and originally published in ten volumes between 1882 and 1898 under the title The English and Scottish Popular Ballads.

It fell about the Lammastide, When moor-men win their hay, The doughty Douglas bound him to ride Into England, to drive a prey.

And he has burned the dales of Tyne, And part of Bamburghshire, And three good towers on Reidswire Fells, He left them all on fire.

Then he's marched on down to Newcastle, “Whose house is this so fine?” It's up spoke proud Lord Percy, “I tell you this castle is mine!”

“If you're the lord of this fine castle, Well it pleases me. For, ere I crossed the Border fells, The one of us shall die.”

Then Percy took a long, long spear, Shod with metal free, And for to meet the Douglas there He rode right furiously.

How pale, how pale his lady looked From the castle wall, When down before the Scottish spear She saw proud Percy fall.

“Had we two been upon the green, No other eye to see, I would have had you, flesh and fell; Now your pennon shall go with me!”

Now I'll go up to Otterburn, There I'll wait for thee. If you not come ere three days end A false knight I'll call thee.”

“Oh it's I will come,” proud Percy said, “I swear by our Lady.” Then there I'll wait,” says Douglas, “My troth I plight to thee.”

They've ridden high on Otterburn, Upon the bent so brown; They've lighted high on Otterburn, And threw their pallions down.

The day being done and the night come on, A clear moon o'er the land, “Awake, awake my lord! For Percy is hard at hand.”

”You lie, you lie, you little page! Loud I hear you lie! For Percy had not men yestreen To dight my men and me.

But I have dreamed a dreadful dream, Beyond the Isle of Skye; I saw a dead man win a fight, And I think that man was I.”

He's belted on his good broad sword And to the field he ran, But he forgot the helmet good That should have kept his brain.

They hacked their swords 'til the sweat did flow, Blood ran down like rain. And Percy wounded Douglas on the brow And he fell never more to rise again.

He's called to him the Lord Montgomery, “What recks the death on one? Last night I dreamed a dreadful dream And I know that this day is your own.

Oh bury me by the bracken bush, 'Neath the briar tree, Oh hide me by the bracken bush That my merry men might not see.”

The moon was clear, the day drew near, The spears in flinders flew, Many's the bold Englishman Ere day these Scotsmen slew.

The Percy and Montgomery met, The blood so free did flow, “Now yield thee, Percy,” he says, “Or else I'll lay you low.

You shall not yield to lord nor loun, Nor shall you yield to me, But yield unto the bracken bush That grows by yonder briar tree.”

“I will not yield to a bracken bush, Nor to a briar tree, But I would yield to Earl Douglas, Or else to Lord Montgomery.”

This deed was done at the Otterburn, At the break of day. The buried Douglas by the bracken bush And led Percy a captive away.

And Chevy Chase aka Child Ballad 162 

God prosper long our noble king, Our lives and safeties all! A woeful hunting once there did In Chevy Chase befall. To drive the deer with hound and horn Earl Percy took his way; The child may rue that is unborn The hunting of that day! The stout Earl of Northumberland A vow to God did make, His pleasure in the Scottish woods Three summer's days to take. The chiefest harts in Chevy Chase To kill and bear away. These tidings to Earl Douglas came, In Scotland where he lay: Who sent Earl Percy present word He would prevent his sport. The English Earl, not fearing that, Did to the woods resort, With fifteen hundred bowmen bold, All chosen men of might, Who knew full well in time of need To aim their shafts aright. The gallant greyhounds swiftly ran To chase the fallow deer: On Monday they began to hunt Ere daylight did appear; And long before high noon they had An hundred fat bucks slain: Then having dined, the drivers went To rouse the deer again. Lord Percy to the quarry went To view the slaughter'd deer; Quoth he, Earl Douglas promised This day to meet me here; But if I thought he would not come No longer would I stay With that a brave young gentleman Thus to the Earl did say: Lo, yonder doth Earl Douglas come His men in armour bright - Full twenty hundred Scottish spears All marching in our sight. Show me, said he, whose men you be That hunt so boldly here That, without my consent do chase And kill my fallow deer? The first man that did answer make Was noble Percy, he Who said, We list not to declare Nor show whose men we be. Yet we will spend our dearest blood Thy chiefest harts to slay. Then Douglas swore a solemn oath And thus in rage did say: Ere thus I will out-braved be One of us two shall die! I know thee well, An earl thou art Lord Percy! so am I. Our English archers bent their bows, Their hearts were good and true; At the first flight of arrows sent Full fourscore Scots they slew. At last these two stout Earls did meet Like captains of great might; Like lions wud they laid on load And made a cruel fight. They fought, until they both did sweat, With swords of tempered steel, Until the blood, like drops of rain, They trickling down did feel. O yield thee, Percy! Douglas said, In faith, I will thee bring Where thou shalt high advanced be By James our Scottish king; Thy ransom I will freely give, And this report of thee, Thou art the most courageous knight That ever I did see. No, Douglas; quoth Earl Percy then, Thy proffer I do scorn; I will not yield to any Scot That ever yet was born! With that there came an arrow keen Out of an English bow, Which struck Earl Douglas to the heart, A deep and deadly blow; Who never spake more words than these Fight on, my merry men all! For why? my life is at an end, Lord Percy sees my fall. Then leaving life, Earl Percy took The dead man by the hand; And said, Earl Douglas! For thy life Would I had lost my land! O Christ! my very heart doth bleed With sorrow for thy sake; For sure a more redoubted knight Mischance could never take. A knight among the Scots there was Who saw Earl Douglas die; Who straight in wrath did vow revenge Upon the Lord Percy: Sir Hugh Montgomery was he called, Who, with a spear full bright, Well mounted on a gallant steed, Ran fiercely through the fight; And past the English archers all, Without all dread or fear, And through Earl Percy's body then He thrust his hateful spear. This fight did last from break of day Till setting of the sun; For when they rung the evening bell The battle scarce was done. And the Lord Maxwell in like case Did with Earl Douglas die; Of twenty hundred Scottish spears Scarce fifty-five did fly; Of fifteen hundred Englishmen Went home but fifty-three; The rest were slain in Chevy Chase Under the greenwood tree. Next day did many widows come Their husbands to bewail; They washed their wounds in brinish tears, But all would not prevail. Their bodies bathed in purple gore They bore with tbem away; They kissed their dead a thousand times When they were clad in clay. God save our king, and bless this land With plenty, joy and peace, And grant henceforth that foule debate 'Twixt noblemen may cease!

[alamante]

“We started calling him ‘The Butcher,'” Loewy told reporters on Monday.

She said she avoided male gynecologists since her visit to Tyndall at the student health center around 1993 when she was a graduate student.

The civil lawsuits, filed in California Superior Court, also claim the university concealed complaints about the doctor over several decades.

“USC was complicit in these unconscionable acts because it suppressed and concealed years of complaints about Tyndall’s sexually charged and deviant comments and behavior,” according to the complaints.

The plaintiffs seek unspecified damages for sexual harassment, sexual assault and battery, negligent hiring and supervision and retention, among other complaints.

After an investigation, Tyndall was fired last year for inappropriate behavior, according to USC. University officials said the school reached a settlement with the doctor and did not report him to law enforcement or state medical authorities at the time.

The university said it had consulted legal experts and medical professionals to confirm that it wasn’t legally obligated to report Tyndall. The university said it subsequently made a report to the California Medical Board on March 9 after Tyndall asked to be reinstated. “In retrospect,” USC said it should have filed a complaint with the medical board when Tyndall was terminated.

Andy Rubenstein, one of the attorneys for the plaintiffs in Monday’s complaints, said “the scope of the abuse goes across generations.” When Loewy, one of six women who agreed to be named, was a graduate student, one of the other plaintiffs wasn’t born yet, Rubenstein said.

Doctor didn’t commit a crime, lawyer says

“Dr. Tyndall could not have gotten away with this without the help of USC. There was a conspiracy of silence at the university. There were no institutional controls so that the reports of this abuse could ever be addressed and addressed effectively,” Rubenstein said. “There was never a mechanism in place where the students could report Dr. Tyndall and have some kind of satisfaction from that.”

CNN reached out to Tyndall’s attorney Leonard Levine about the recent allegations.

In a statement late Monday, Levine said his client “is adamant that he engaged in no criminal conduct while practicing medicine at USC.”

“He firmly believes that when all the facts are known, and experts in the field of gynecology and obstetrics are consulted, it will be determined [that] his examinations of students at USC were for the stated medical purpose, and consistent with the standard of care for such examinations,” the statement said.

Levine said Tyndall was not practicing medicine “but rather devoting all of his time to defending against these allegations.”

USC pledges investigation will be ‘thorough’

Tyndall’s former school faces an investigation by the US Department of Education into how it handled the sexual harassment claims against the doctor.

A university spokesman on Monday said the school “is conducting a thorough investigation into this matter.”

“We will be seeking a prompt and fair resolution that is respectful of our former students. We are committed to providing the women of USC with the best, most thorough and respectful health care services of any university,” the spokesman said in the statement.

Complaints about the gynecologist went back decades, according to the Los Angeles Times. His alleged behavior included sexual and racial comments, accounts of improper touching during pelvic exams and saving photographs of patients’ genitals, but the university did not publicly acknowledge the history or reveal a report about the former physician’s misconduct at the school health center until it was contacted by the Los Angeles Times in May.

In advance of the newspaper’s story, then-university President C.L. Max Nikias released a letter to the USC community apologizing and addressing the matter.

“While we have no evidence of criminal conduct, we have no doubt that Dr. Tyndall’s behavior was completely unacceptable. It was a clear violation of our Principles of Community, and a shameful betrayal of our values,” the letter said.

Nikias later agreed to step down after thousands of students and alumni signed an online petition demanding his resignation, alleging USC failed to act after complaints of misconduct involving Tyndall.

Monday’s complaints alleged “USC’s active concealment provided cover for Tyndall and allowed him many years of unfettered sexual access to young female students.”

‘I want this to be a call to action’

One plaintiff on Monday’s complaints, USC graduate Amanda Davis, 41, told reporters she was a single mother of a 5-year-old when she went to see Tyndall for a routine exam around her junior year in 2000 or 2001. Davis said she recalled being naked on the examination table alone in the room with Tyndall.

Tyndall made “small talk,” to try to build a rapport with her, she believes. Tyndall, who knew she was a single mother, began discussing the change in women’s bodies during and after pregnancies and asked to take pictures of her for what he described as research, Davis recalled.

“He took pictures of me as I was completely naked,” she said tearfully.

She began to process what she had agreed after she left the office. “The more I thought about it I began to feel stupid, embarrassed and ashamed, realizing that it was not right,” Davis said.

Davis said she was afraid of the consequences of reporting Tyndall then.

Tyndall told the LA Times he took pictures of patients’ cervixes and external genitals only with their consent, and the images were not sexual. The doctor said he wanted to document cervical exams in a case where a patient later sued him for missing a cancer diagnosis, the newspaper reported.

He also hoped to ease students’ fears that they had genital warts, he told the newspaper.

Davis said the news stories about the accusations against Tyndall encouraged her to come forward for her daughter, who is now 21. Actor Terry Crews‘ testimony last month to a Senate committee about the alleged groping he experienced by a Hollywood executive inspired her to agree to be named in the lawsuits, Davis said.

“I want this to be a call to action, an end to a culture of coverup for these sexual predators both at USC, other colleges or other institutions,” Davis said Monday.

Like Davis, Loewy said she, too, recalled being in the room alone with Tyndall during her pelvic exam.

“From the beginning, the encounter felt strangely intimate and creepy,” said the retired professor, who earned a Ph.D. in English from USC in 1995.

Tyndall “remarked in a rather sleazy manner” about the small rose tattoo in her inner thigh. He quizzed her about her sex life and asked if she needed contraception, she said. She said she told him no, and he pressed her for the reason why not.

When she finally told him that she was in a relationship with a woman, “he asked me in a creepy manner whether it was true that all lesbians hated men,” she said.

Loewy said she complained to another doctor at USC, but nothing happened.

“The Trojan family needs to change its dysfunctional ways,” she said, referring to USC’s mascot.

“This is an intervention and a wake-up call.”

CNN’s Stephanie Becker and Cheri Mossburg contributed to this report.

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[asylum-ireland-blog]

Landslide Victory for Abortion Rights in Ireland

New Post has been published on http://asylumireland.ml/landslide-victory-for-abortion-rights-in-ireland/

Landslide Victory for Abortion Rights in Ireland

 Anne Conway

“A stunning victory” was how I described the results from the referendum on removing the constitutional ban on abortion in an Irish Times article on Monday 28th. The vote for lifting the ban was passed by a resounding two-thirds majority of 66.4 per cent for Yes. The Irish people have declared in this vote that the sanctimonious hypocrites of the pro-life campaign are no longer free to judge and shame women for deciding what is best for their lives.

It wasn’t a sweetness and light campaign. It was vicious, despite the playing down by the Yes campaign of the behaviour of many in the No camp. Exit polls showed 42 per cent of voters were influenced by the personal stories from women. Reading this I was glad that I told my story of having an abortion when I was a young woman. I decided to tell my story as I was tired of the intimidation and shaming of women who had abortions. Many individuals, particularly young women in the campaign, thanked me. It meant a lot to them to hear a woman from another generation speaking out.

The Scale of the Yes Vote

What we’re witnessing is a sea change. A majority in all areas of the country voted for Repeal except in one constituency where there was a very narrow defeat and it’s worth noting this constituency has the highest youth migration in the country. Dublin voted 75.46% Yes, showing that more than three quarters voted YES in the capital city with other urban centres turning out votes of over 72%. Several poor working-class Dublin areas registered a massive 80% + vote for Repeal. The urban-rural divide crumbled, turning out a 63% for Yes.

The results from across the country marked a decisive shift and the RTE Behaviour and Attitudes exit poll showed another spectacular shift, 84% of those who had voted Yes said they had done so on the basis of a woman’s right to choose. This mammoth shift was being confirmed on a daily basis from canvassers on doorsteps where the most common reason given for voting Yes was that of giving choice to a woman in a crisis pregnancy.

There was emotional drama at the airports as young Irish people came home to vote, travelling from Britain, Europe, Australia, Japan and Brazil just to vote. This demonstrated the passion for repealing and that people were against the persecution of women possibly facing14 years in prison for taking illegal abortion pills in their bedrooms or for travelling to Britain for an abortion.

The Background to the Stunning Win

The death of Savita Halappanavar almost six years ago, resulting from the refusal to grant her an abortion after several requests made by her and her husband gave rise to angry mobilizations and the start of a movement to repeal the 8th Amendment from the Constitution. Her tragic death occurred against a background of several other women being denied an abortion and dragged through the courts over the past 2 decades.

These cases lit a spark and a vibrant young women’s movement called a demonstration called Strike4Repeall on International Women’s Day 2017 and other dates. It was large, militant and consisted of young women, many of whom were school age. Marches took place in centres around the country, they brought a new energy to the issue.

An important underlying factor in these mobilizations was the alienation of young people from the Catholic Church and a state that had failed them. The MeToo mobilizations in solidarity with a female rape victim after 3 well known rugby players were acquitted and the global anger over the violence against women helped fuel the repeal movement. They were a number of impressive demonstrations but to date there isn’t as of now an organized women’s movement.

The massive victory in the Marriage Equality referendum in 2015 gave women and pro-choice groups such as the Abortion Rights Campaign the determination to push ahead for repeal. There was a myriad of reasons for the landslide result not least the litany of religious orders torture and abuse of women and children in orphanages, industrial schools, mother and baby homes and clerical sex abuse where paedophile priests were moved around to continue abusing more vulnerable children with the church refusing to pay compensation to their victims.

A Future for the Catholic Church?

There has been a massive decline in attendance at Mass and, as believer’s disgust with the litany of abuse grew, they abandoned the church. It has been left reeling by the referendum results, it is somewhat facing a doomsday scenario. In 1983, during the last referendum that inserted the amendment into the constitution, Church attendance was around 80%. The radical change is highlighted in the results from the exit poll from the RTE the state broadcaster. It’s exit poll showed that just 12% said their religious views as an influence on how they voted.

The answer to why this has occurred lies in its decades’ long abuse of children and women in its care. From 1994 to this day, a series of child abuse scandals showed cruel and inhumane treatment by religious orders against children and women. Continuous revelations of brutality in industrial schools, Church-run Mother and Baby homes and, in 2014, the revelation that 796 babies and toddlers who died from disease and malnutrition while in the care of religious orders were buried in a septic tank. 1,000 children had been sent for illegal adoptions in the United States, without their mothers’ consent and children were used in drug trials and the money made from these transactions syphoned off to fund exclusive private colleges. This brutal history and its dogmatic teachings on women’s sexually and reproduction was firmly rejected by the electorate.

Their comments in the aftermath of the referendum result are an indication of how removed the church is from the population. Just two days after the referendum, a Bishop discussing the implications of the referendum urged Yes-voting ‘sinners’ to get themselves to a confession box to repent. This led to uproar. And a statement from the Archbishop of Ireland asked whether Catholic-run schools were “delivering for the investment we make in faith development.” He went on to say that many would see the referendum result as proof that the church was regarded with “indifference” and had no more than a marginal role to play in society’.

All this points to crisis and the church undergoing a complete dilemma as to how it is going to shore up its base. 90% of youth have rejected church dictates on abortion and voted Yes. The relationship between the church and state is strained. The Catholic Church has been the reliable base for conservatism through its control of schools and of major hospitals including maternity hospitals. It still controls them which is an issue for the campaign to address and a priority that it wrests control from them.

The No Campaign

A very extreme minority in the No camp are now well organized but despised by a significant section of the population. The No campaign consisted of a number of well-funded organizations. Allied with it were various crackpot groups who did their own freelance operations which damaged the No campaign but the overall leadership came from the Iona Institute, a very conservative Catholic group claiming charitable status.

Campaign activists accused the state broadcaster of having a very cosy relationship with the No side as they appeared on all main radio and TV programmes and were treated with kid gloves. There has been a pretence in the media that the Catholic Church was not involved in the campaign, this is patently untrue; in the early days No campaigners were invited to speak to congregations during Mass and while this practice stopped before polling day, priests continued to advocate for a No vote . I made a research visit to my local church where during mass the priest read the Archbishop’s statement calling for a No vote to the elderly congregation, this was the Sunday before polling day. There was no walk out but the majority of the elderly people when leaving the church refused No literature from an elderly man. At a First Communion service in a country town, parents walked out when the priest started talking about the referendum. The sordid posters and material funded by American and British far right religious groups appalled people forcing the No campaign to distance itself from them.

Together for Yes Campaign

Together for Yes was the main national campaign group working for a Yes vote. It was an amalgamation of several organizations and political parties and included the main government parties. The key HQ workers were professional strategists, some of whom had worked in NGO’s or with the discredited Labour Party. Their message was soft focussed on the theme of Care, Compassion, Trust. Consequently, its publicity was watered down and obscure with posters saying Sometimes a private matter needs public support. Vote Yes.

This approach left many activists on the ground feeling ill at ease with the campaign. It focussed on the hard cases of fatal foetal anomaly, rape and incest. The activists out doing the hard slog felt it was not sharp enough as it wasn’t answering the issues they were facing on doorsteps. The reluctance to mention the word abortion was evident and only in the last days of the campaign was the issue of choice for women addressed. The posters and literature of two main left organizations Solidarity, People Before Profit and Rosa a socialist women’s group aligned to Solidarity emphasized the right to choose.

The Implications of the Vote for North

The landslide result will focus attention on the North of Ireland where abortion is illegal. The reactionary Democratic Unionist Party (DUP) is opposed to abortion. The DUP, which is propping up Theresa May in Westminster might be expected to threaten to bring down the Tories if there’s pressure on extending British abortion rights to Northern Ireland. However, the DUP didn’t preach fire and brimstone last year, as is their form on moral questions, when it was agreed to give women in the North free NHS abortions in Britain. However, it may be a different matter having abortion clinics operating in their own backyard.

The Sinn Fein leader Mary Lou McDonald played a prominent part in the campaign in the south, she has promised to tackle the abortion issue in the North. It won’t be easy. She could join with forces already fighting on the issue and build a vigorous campaign for abortion but this is somewhat unlikely given the weak position Sinn Fein has on abortion and the dilemma that the collapsed Northern Assembly has for the party.

Failure to get it back up and running has posed serious questions for Sinn Fein as it’s whole legitimacy is based around the success of the Peace Process and the power sharing arrangements in the Good Friday Agreement. Right wing bigoted unionists wouldn’t allow limited laws on the Irish language so it’s unlikely given their pious obscurantist antiwoman policies that they won’t put up concerted opposition to having abortion clinics operating in the North. They are similar in ideology to the bigoted No campaign in the South.

In any event, the landslide vote in the South will have a major impact. The stunning vote is particularly welcome given the international context, where right-wing populism is on the rise in Europe and the Trump administration is imposing curbs on abortion rights in the United States. It will encourage women and pro-choice groups and will be a blow to the anti-abortion forces in these countries that so called Catholic Ireland could reject with such a decisive popular vote its stringent anti-abortion law.

What Next?

The result has opened up a space where women in the South can pursue their demands for proper health care and abortion services. At present the level of health care and social services is dependent on what’s left over after paying the bank debt. Young people won’t accept this argument that there is no money to fund health services and high quality care for women having pregnancy terminations.

The recent handing over of a new National Maternity Hospital to an order of nuns is a huge contradiction. The Government has not taken any steps to take over ownership. The repeal vote was to get the church out of women’s reproductive lives yet this is clear evidence of church state control.

The young campaign activists may be quickly jolted into confronting the reality of Church. State integration and the reality of Troika imposed austerity. A majority of campaign activists were under 30, they went door to door talking to people of all ages about repeal and the proposed abortion legislation. They showed great courage and the abuse they received from the No side was a shock and an awakening. The misogynist material and posters of the No side gives them a view of the hard-Catholic right. They responded by mobilizing, making the campaign visible on the streets at traffic lights and busy areas. The response from passing motorists was astounding – a continuous hooting of car horns and raised fists.

It was clear during the last week to 10 days of the campaign that we were witnessing an upsurge of rejection of the old cruel pious hypocrisy that’s haunted Ireland since the founding of the state. The national body overseeing Together for Yes nationally was quite timid and apologetic in its approach to the aggressiveness and outright lies of the No campaign. There were many lines of attack the Yes side never responded to, for example a leading spokesperson of the No side advocated all-out war on Iran and Iraq some years ago which was then covered in the media but he was never called out on his ‘pro-life’ credentials. Another leading advocate for the no side was a spokesperson for one of the Bishops and while he was working in that capacity the Bishop was covering up child sex abuse.

In the week before the vote the recently retired former General Secretary of the Irish Congress of Trade unions (ICTU) David Begg called for a No vote, saying that social support should be put in place for women and children. He is rumoured to be involved in the Catholic secret society Opus Dei. Given that the ICTU had negotiated unprecedented cuts in health, education and other social supports and had tied the union movement into support for draconian austerity measures to bail out the banking system, his call had little or no effect on the referendum outcome. The current ICTU leadership denounced Beggs attack on their position of support for Repeal, but not his hypocrisy on the question of social support for women and children as they all agree that the unions must confine their ambitions within the savage austerity offensive dictated by the institutions of the European Union. Their support for women’s rights are limited by their support for the capitalist offensive.

As the campaign developed the energy and enthusiasm was palpable. Young people who had maybe never spoken to a stranger before were discussing the difficult issue of abortion with people of all ages. Their energy knew no bounds, they canvassed often in groups of 50 plus, held impromptu visibility and information stalls. There were lots of initiatives such as Walk in Her Shoes March from the city centre to the airport with many women carrying suitcases to depict the journey that at least 9 women make every day to Britain for abortions. This was a defiant moving occasion. It was organized by Rosa – a socialist feminist women’s group attached to the Socialist Party. These activities were a move away from constituency work. The character of the campaign changed from getting the vote out to include more assertive demands for a woman’s right to choose.

There’s a strong appetite to continue to meet and organize. The task now is the necessity of organizing a conference to discuss the proposed legislation and the views of the campaign on how it should be implemented and the way forward. The campaign has a lot of work to do and needs to carry on but it will not be successful if the new generation of young activists are left on the side-lines as cheerleaders listening to seasoned activists. A free quality service staffed by doctor’s nurses and counsellors with specific training in the area is necessary.

At present, 17 per cent of the population in Ireland are immigrants. Some of them without the right to travel such as asylum seekers in Direct Provision, this makes speedy implementation of the abortion legislation an imperative. Women will not be able to gain control over their lives without control of their reproduction. We cannot rely on capitalist governments to implement the changes for us, we must rely on our own strengths fighting together in a mass women’s movement which includes immigrant and working class women and which looks for revolutionary socialist answers to the issues that face us as women. •

This article first published on the International Viewpoint website.

Anne Conway is a socialist feminist, anti-imperialist and long time activist in campaigns on reproductive rights in Ireland.

, https://socialistproject.ca/2018/06/landslide-victory-for-abortion-rights-in-ireland/

[maxwellyjordan]

Relist Watch

John Elwood reviews Monday’s relists.

April is a tricky time. By this late in the year, my skin is usually burned – although since I graduated from law school, that most often results from me setting the monitor contrast wrong. But there’s a new reason for my pallor this year. Under the new calendar – I’m talking here about the one that eliminated spring – it’s January 110th. On the plus side, I haven’t seen any mosquitoes yet.

There is enough action on the relist front this week that I’ll keep preliminaries to a minimum. This week saw the departure of what I believe to be the second-most relisted case of all time, Sykes v. United States, 16-9604, which leaves after 17(!) relists. It and the thrice-relisted Brown v. United States, 17-6344, both challenged Armed Career Criminal Act enhancements that rested on Missouri second-degree burglary convictions. The Supreme Court sent both back to the U.S. Court of Appeals for the 8th Circuit for further consideration in light of that court’s recent en banc decision holding that Missouri’s second-degree burglary statue is not a “violent felony” for ACCA purposes.

New week, new ACCA cases. The likeliest grant this week seems to be the government’s cert petition in United States v. Stitt, 17-765, which presents the question whether a conviction for burglary of a nonpermanent or mobile structure that is adapted or used for overnight accommodation can qualify as “burglary” under ACCA, 18 U.S.C. § 924(e)(2)(B)(ii). The petition seeks review of the en banc decision of the U.S. Court of Appeals for the 6th Circuit holding (over the dissent of six judges) that the robbery of nonpermanent or mobile structures does not qualify. The court has relisted that case and fellow-travelers United States v. Sims, 17-766, out of the U.S. Court of Appeals for the 8th Circuit, and Smith v. United States, 17-7517, out of the 7th. We’ll see if the court agrees with the government that Stitt is the best vehicle to address an issue that obviously arises a lot.

That brings us to what is undoubtedly this week’s most interesting group of cases. Courts have long held that notwithstanding the double jeopardy clause, the federal government can prosecute criminal conduct that has already been the subject of a state-court trial because different sovereigns are acting in each instance. This idea is commonly known as the “dual sovereignty” doctrine. This week, the court has relisted four cases (and rescheduled a fifth) that seek to revisit that doctrine. I had long been puzzled because three cases presenting this issue had sat without action on the court’s docket since early January – Gamble v. United States, 17-646, Tyler v. United States, 17-5410, and Ochoa v. United States, 17-5503. With this week’s relists, we finally know why: The court was waiting for the government to file its brief in opposition in a fourth case raising the issue, Gordillo-Escandon v. United States, 17-7177. The fifth (rescheduled) case, has by far the best name: Bearcomesout v. United States, 17-6856. As you might have guessed given the caption, it involves whether dual sovereignty bars a federal prosecution after the defendant has been tried in Indian tribal court. It would be a big deal if the court grants review, but I have a sneaking suspicion that this is more dissent–from–denial-of-cert material.

The last criminal case is Bucklew v. Precythe, 17-8151, a habeas corpus petition involving a death-row inmate’s challenge to Missouri’s method of execution. You may want to skip to the next paragraph now. Bucklew argues that his rare medical condition – cavernous hemangioma, which causes inoperable, blood-filled tumors to grow in his throat and around his face, head, and neck, and which are susceptible to rupturing – will render Missouri’s lethal injection procedure extremely painful, and will likely cause him to feel as though he is choking on his tumors and to aspirate his own blood.

Finally, the court does do some civil cases from time to time.  Frank v. Gaos, 17-961, features the rare case when a well-known appellate lawyer appears as the named petitioner, rather than as counsel. Ted Frank asks the Supreme Court to put an end to the use of a trust-law doctrine known by the legal French term “cy pres” in class-action settlements. Frank argues that the doctrine is being abused to funnel settlement money to charities favored by class counsel. The case involves a judgment of the U.S. Court of Appeals for the 9th Circuit upholding a class-action settlement against Google that gave no money to the class members but awarded $5.3 million to third parties, including class counsel’s alma maters.

The Supreme Court on Tuesday affirmed a decision by Judge Stephen Reinhardt, the “liberal lion of the [U.S. Court of Appeals for] the 9th Circuit” who died in late March at the age of 87. Although some speculated that Sessions v. Dimaya would be the last Reinhardt case to be reviewed by the Supreme Court, Lamps Plus, Inc. v. Varela, 17-988, might yet hold that distinction. Indeed, the petitioner’s counsel identified Reinhardt by name on the “question presented” page. The case asks whether the Federal Arbitration Act forecloses a state-law interpretation of an arbitration agreement that would authorize class arbitration based solely on general language commonly used in arbitration agreements. Although the arbitration clause did not mention class arbitration, the court of appeals, by a 2-1 vote in a memorandum opinion, inferred mutual assent to class arbitration from the more general language of the arbitration agreement, such as the statement that “arbitration shall be in lieu of any and all lawsuits or other civil legal proceedings relating to … employment.” Judge Ferdinand Fernandez, in dissent, characterized the opinion as a “palpable evasion of Stolt-Nielsen S.A. v. AnimalFeeds Int’l Corp., 559 U.S. 662, 684-85 (2010),” which, the petition notes, stated that courts may not presume consent to class arbitration from “mere silence on the issue of class arbitration” or “from the fact of the parties’ agreement to arbitrate.” In this as in so many things, wording is critical. The petition ends with a plea for summary reversal. Which, given the current state of things, will certainly not be summery reversal.

I’ll be here all week. Remember to tip your waitresses.

Thanks to Kent Piacenti for compiling the cases in this post.

  New Relists

Gamble v. United States, 17-646

Issue: Whether the Supreme Court should overrule the “separate sovereigns” exception to the double jeopardy clause.

(relisted after the April 13 conference)

  United States v. Stitt, 17-765

Issue: Whether burglary of a nonpermanent or mobile structure that is adapted or used for overnight accommodation can qualify as “burglary” under the Armed Career Criminal Act of 1984, 18 U.S.C. § 924(e)(2)(B)(ii).

(relisted after the April 13 conference)

  United States v. Sims, 17-766

Issue: Whether burglary of a nonpermanent or mobile structure that is adapted or used for overnight accommodation can qualify as “burglary” under the Armed Career Criminal Act of 1984, 18 U.S.C. § 924(e)(2)(B)(ii).

(relisted after the April 13 conference)

  Frank v. Gaos, 17-961

Issue: Whether, or in what circumstances, a cy pres award of class-action proceeds that provides no direct relief to class members supports class certification and comports with the requirement that a settlement binding class members must be “fair, reasonable, and adequate.”

(relisted after the April 13 conference)

  Lamps Plus, Inc. v. Varela, 17-988

Issue: Whether the Federal Arbitration Act forecloses a state-law interpretation of an arbitration agreement that would authorize class arbitration based solely on general language commonly used in arbitration agreements.

(relisted after the April 13 conference)

  Tyler v. United States, 17-5410

Issue: Whether the Supreme Court should overrule the dual sovereignty exception, which permits a successive federal prosecution after a defendant has been prosecuted for the same offense in state court.

(relisted after the April 13 conference)

  Ochoa v. United States, 17-5503

Issues: (1) Whether the double jeopardy clause of the Fifth Amendment prohibits the federal government from charging, convicting and sentencing a person who has already been charged, convicted and sentenced in the court of a state for much of the same conduct; and (2) whether the seriousness of the offense conduct is an appropriate consideration for a district court when fashioning a sentence on revocation of supervised release.

(relisted after the April 13 conference)

  Gordillo-Escandon v. United States, 17-7177

Issue: Whether, when a criminal defendant has already been convicted of an offense in a state criminal proceeding, the United States may thereafter prosecute the defendant for the same offense without violating the Fifth Amendment’s prohibition on double jeopardy.

(relisted after the April 13 conference)

  Smith v. United States, 17-7517

Issue: Whether the statement of general principle that a burglary of a vehicle is not generic burglary within the meaning of the Armed Career Criminal Act because vehicles are not buildings allows generic burglary status when the vehicle is a dwelling place.

(relisted after the April 13 conference)

  Bucklew v. Precythe,  17-8151

Issues: (1) Whether a court evaluating an as-applied challenge to a state’s method of execution based on an inmate’s rare and severe medical condition should assume that medical personnel are competent to manage his condition and that procedure will go as intended; whether evidence comparing a state’s method of execution with an alternative proposed by an inmate must be offered via a single witness, or whether a court at summary judgment must look to the record as a whole to determine whether a factfinder could conclude that the two methods significantly differ in the risks they pose to the inmate; and (3) whether the Eighth Amendment requires an inmate to prove an adequate alternative method of execution when raising an as-applied challenge to the state’s proposed method of execution based on his rare and severe medical condition.

(relisted after the April 13 conference)

  Returning Relists

Azar v. Garza, 17-654

Issue: Whether, pursuant to United States v. Munsingwear, Inc., the Supreme Court should vacate the U.S. Court of Appeals for the District of Columbia Circuit’s judgment and instruct that court to remand the case to the district court with directions to dismiss all claims for prospective relief regarding pregnant unaccompanied minors.

(relisted after the January 12, January 19, February 16, February 23, March 2, March 16, March 23, March 29 and April 13 conferences)

  Allen v. United States, 17-5864

Issues: (1) Whether the petitioner’s mandatory guidelines sentence, which was enhanced under the residual clause of U.S.S.G. § 4B1.2, is unconstitutional in light of the Supreme Court’s decision in Johnson v. United States, and whether a conviction for burglary of a dwelling under Florida law qualifies as a “crime of violence” under U.S.S.G. § 4B1.2’s elements clause; and (2) whether published orders issued by a circuit court of appeals under 28 U.S.C. § 2244(b)(3), and in the context of applications to file second or successive 28 U.S.C. § 2255 motions, constitute binding precedent outside of that context.

(relisted after the February 16, February 23, March 2, March 16, March 23, March 29 and April 13 conferences)

  Gates v. United States, 17-6262

Issues: Whether, under the Supreme Court’s opinions in United States v. Booker, Johnson v. United States and Beckles v. United States, which depended heavily upon the distinction between advisory and mandatory sentencing schemes, the residual clause of the mandatory sentencing guidelines is unconstitutionally vague.

(relisted after the February 16, February 23, March 2, March 16, March 23, March 29 and April 13 conferences)

  James v. United States, 17-6769

Issues: Whether, under the Supreme Court’s opinions in United States v. Booker, Johnson v. United States and Beckles v. United States, which depended heavily upon the distinction between advisory and mandatory sentencing schemes, the residual clause of the mandatory sentencing guidelines is unconstitutionally vague.

(relisted after the February 16, February 23, March 2, March 16, March 23, March 29 and April 13 conferences)

  Sause v. Bauer, 17-742

Issue: Whether the U.S. Court of Appeals for the 10th Circuit’s holding that law-enforcement officers who stopped the petitioner from praying silently in her own home were entitled to qualified immunity because there was no prior case law involving similar facts conflicts with Hope v. Pelzer, which “expressly rejected a requirement that previous cases be ‘fundamentally similar’” or involve “‘materially similar’” facts.

(relisted after the February 23, March 2, March 16, March 23, March 29 and April 13 conferences)

  Evans v. Mississippi, 17-7245

Issue: Whether the death penalty in and of itself violates the Eighth Amendment in light of contemporary standards of decency and the geographic arbitrariness of its imposition.

(relisted after the February 23 and March 2 conferences; rescheduled after the March 16 conference; rescheduled before the March 29, April 13 and April 20 conferences)

  Robinson v. United States, 17-6877

Issue: Whether, following Johnson v. United States, in which the Supreme Court invalidated the Armed Career Criminal Act’s residual clause as unconstitutionally vague, identical language in the residual clause of the previously-mandatory sentencing guidelines is likewise unconstitutional.

(relisted after the March 2, March 16, March 23, March 29 and April 13 conferences)

  Trevino v. Davis, 17-6883

Issue: Whether — when the U.S. Court of Appeals for the 5th Circuit found that the new mitigating evidence discovered on federal habeas review was “double-edged” and could not outweigh the substantial aggravating evidence, and when it misapplied the standard for evaluating prejudice in a Wiggins claim — it denied the petitioner due process.

(relisted after the March 29 and April 13 conferences)

The post Relist Watch appeared first on SCOTUSblog.

from Law http://www.scotusblog.com/2018/04/relist-watch-122/ via http://www.rssmix.com/

[travelinglifeshighways]

Appomattox, Virginia Where our Nation Reunited

Appomattox, Virginia – Where our Nation Reunited

Sunday April 15, 2018

As a Civil War history person I have always been fascinated with how the war played out on so many fronts throughout the South.  There were different campaigns with General Sherman’s “March to the Sea” from Chattanooga to Savannah including the Battle of Atlanta where I searched out the different markers or monuments in my youth learning their history then going to the old Cyclorama then in Grant Park to see where different battles were fought then going out in the city to explore the area depicted in the diorama inside the Cyclorama.  The battles of Kennesaw Mountain and Peachtree Creek were my favorites but the story of “The lone confederate soldier” in the Battle of Stone Mountain still gives me great laughs. (Lewis Grizzard – look it up on YouTube).

Arriving in the general area of Appomattox, Virginia you can start to sense the history there.  The many open rolling hill fields where battles were fought give the impression of horses, cannons, and troops from both sides being in these fields.  The actual site of the Appomattox Courthouse was a mini-village with a handful of houses scattered about the grounds.  There was a small general store, lawyer’s office and a tavern making it the county seat.  General Grant took made his headquarters to the west about a mile up the road next to a stand of trees.

General Robert E. Lee’s surrender bringing an end to the Civil War on April 9, 1865 including his Farewell Address, also known as General Order No. 9 to his Army of Northern Virginia.  The day after he surrendered the Confederate army to Lt. Gen. Ulysses S. Grant, Lee's surrender was instrumental in bringing about the end of the American Civil War. The text of the order, which were written and drafted by Col. Charles Marshall, edited and finalized by Lee, was issued as follows:

Headquarters, Army of Northern Virginia, 10th April 1865.

My friend Terry Edwards recites this speech in the band Cullowhee’s song American Trilogy, a touching and moving piece of American history.

General Order No. 9

“After four years of arduous service marked by unsurpassed courage and fortitude, the Army of Northern Virginia has been compelled to yield to overwhelming numbers and resources.

I need not tell the survivors of so many hard fought battles, who have remained steadfast to the last, that I have consented to the result from no distrust of them.

But feeling that valor and devotion could accomplish nothing that could compensate for the loss that must have attended the continuance of the contest, I have determined to avoid the useless sacrifice of those whose past services have endeared them to their countrymen.

By the terms of the agreement, officers and men can return to their homes and remain until exchanged. You will take with you the satisfaction that proceeds from the consciousness of duty faithfully performed, and I earnestly pray that a merciful God will extend to you his blessing and protection.

With an unceasing admiration of your constancy and devotion to your Country, and a grateful remembrance of your kind and generous consideration for myself, I bid you an affectionate farewell.” — R. E. Lee, General, General Order No. 9

Skyline Drive – Shenandoah Valley

I am sitting on a mountaintop in Big Meadows campground tonight as a squall line of thunderstorms roll through towards the coast.  This is a no hookup facility so all I have is the battery power in my laptop and a flashlight to write by.  Almost like the olden times.  Driving up the Skyline Drive I would like to say it’s really pretty with many overlooks and stopping points to look off the mountain to either the east or west but about a mile from the southern entrance the road climbed into the clouds and fog so there was no distant vistas to see or standing in awe to look over and see.

It was a pretty drive like driving through an enchanted forest as there were ghost trees on either side with their branches and limps hanging over the roadway.  Visibility was down to just several car lengths as the road made its way up, down, and around the mountaintops.  The fog rolled in over the trees and through the gaps alongside the road racing their way down and vanishing in the mist.

Coming around one curve there was a single red brake light which we discovered was a motorcyclist slowly making his way through the fog on the curvy road.  He was hugging the center-line and wiping his visor every thirty seconds or so trying to maintain his lane in the roadway.  We followed at a distance till there was a passing area and cautiously made our way around him in the fog.

Skyline Drive is the only public road through the Shenandoah National Park, the only national park in Virginia.  The road has a north/south direction and is 105 miles long that stretches from Front Royal on the north end to the Waynesboro-Charlottesville area at the southern termination.  It takes about three hours to travel the entire length of the park on a clear day but with the many overlooks and stopping places I would plan for it to take a little longer.  The maximum speed limit is 35 mph.  There are deer, black bear, wild turkey, and a host of other wildlife that call Shenandoah home and regularly cross Skyline Drive.  Watch carefully for these animals, which may dart across your path without warning.  They were at the edges of the roadway and did not move as the RV drove past.  They were usually in groups of two to four every mile or so until we pulled into the campground since it was almost sundown and in their feeding time.

Mileposts along the side of the road help you find your way through the park and help you locate areas of interest.  The mileposts begin with 0.0 at Front Royal and continue to 105 at the southern end of the park.  These were harder to see than the Blue Ridge Parkway markers so you had to pay attention to not miss them if you needed them.

There are 75 overlooks that offer stunning views of the Shenandoah Valley to the west and the rolling Piedmont to the east.  Wildflowers put on a show all year long - in early spring, look for trillium peeking through the grass.  June’s display of azaleas is spectacular.  Cardinal flowers, black-eyed Susan’s, and goldenrod keep the color vibrant right into fall, when the leaves begin to change and put on their own fall foliage show. 

It was a shame that you couldn’t see anything off the mountainside with the fog but after this front passes and the thunderstorm/tornado warnings are over hopefully the road north tomorrow will be a little more scenic.

Traveling Life’s Highways in northern Virginia, a wet stormy goodnight before my battery runs out.  Goodnight all, I hope it is a wonderful evening for you!  I plan to listen to the sounds of popping corn on the roof of the motor home during this rain.

Monday morning, 4-16-18 – 7:30 am

I got my wish to hear the rain on the roof of the camper as it rolled in strong about sunset but did not gain its full fury until later in the night.  The park ranger knocked on the door just after midnight to alert us there were tornado warnings for this area and the bathroom was the best shelter.  The weather turned pretty nasty for the next several hours as the rain pelted the camper, lighting flashed and the sound of thunder could be heard.  Luckily it was in the distance as the sound was at least eight to ten seconds after the flash of lightning.

The rain continued to four in the morning or so and now a slight foggy mist covers the campground.  The tent campers must have had a pretty miserable night as one close to us moved their tent up by the restrooms while others bailed out of the tent and back into their car. 

There is no cell service here and my laptop battery is almost dead so that is the update until later.

Brennen’s Campground, Pennsylvania – 10:07 pm

The drive finishing the upper half of the Skyline Drive was a crazy mixture of snow, fog, and some rain.  Mainly it was light snow along the crest of the Blue Ridge and quit when we drove off the parkway in Front Royal, Virginia.  As the drive over the many foothills in Virginia, Maryland, and Pennsylvania were beginning to wear me down it was punctuated with the hills filled with wind generators spinning away in the blustery afternoon.  It was hard to maintain your driving lane with tractor-trailer trucks speeding past with both of us trying to maintain our lanes in the howling winds.

As we drove down the winding road leading to campground the ice/snow pellets were starting to fall once again.  Started the day snowing and will end it the same way.  What a contrast these last 48 hours from the pleasant heat around 75 degrees to the rainfall, the winds and tornado watch, waking up to it snowing, and then driving in the snow/fog on the mountaintops. 

Drove through the states of Virginia, West Virginia, Maryland, and Pennsylvania today, one does not think of Maryland stretching across west to West Virginia and was surprised to discover that.  One typically thinks of Maryland along the Chesapeake coast or around the Washington DC area not the foothills around West Virginia.

Anxiously awaiting new discoveries tomorrow; from rural Pennsylvania, Goodnight.

[medproish]

5:22 PM ET

A female student says Michigan State subjected her to a “hostile educational environment,” failed to advise her of her rights and did not offer adequate resources for help after she told counselors in 2015 that three Spartans basketball players had raped her.

The allegations are made in a lawsuit filed Monday in U.S. District Court for the Western District of Michigan that also states the woman suffered severe emotional distress and had to temporarily withdraw from classes, change her major, seek psychiatric help and constantly fear running into the three men on campus as a result of the incident and the school’s failure to properly respond.

Neither the woman, who is a current student, nor the three players, who are no longer at the school, are named in the lawsuit. Her attorney said the players are not being named because the focus of the lawsuit is “with the way she was treated by the university.”

The attorney, Karen Truszkowski, told Outside the Lines that her client has not reported the incident to police, but, “I cannot say that she’s not ever going to report it.” The woman spoke to Outside the Lines on the condition she not be identified because she fears revealing her identity publicly. The woman said she did not report the alleged assault to police in 2015 because she and some of her friends, who were younger than 21 at the time, had used fake IDs to get into a bar the night of the alleged incident and she worried they would all get cited with underage drinking charges.

Michigan State basketball player Brock Washington has been charged by prosecutors in Ingham County, Michigan, with misdemeanor assault after a criminal sexual conduct investigation.

Michigan State officials have provided more information about how the university handled an allegation of sexual assault in 2010, telling Outside the Lines that administrators would “handle it differently” if such an allegation were made today.

An Outside the Lines investigation has found a pattern of widespread denial, inaction and information suppression of sexual assault and violence allegations by officials ranging from campus police to the Spartans’ athletic department.

2 Related

She said she filed the lawsuit with the hope it would encourage more women to come forward about assault and to send a message to the university.

“I don’t want a girl who’s a senior in high school right now, with her whole life ahead of her, to have to go through the same thing I did,” she said.

The woman’s lawsuit states that “MSU has fostered a culture in which female victims are discouraged from reporting sexual assaults when those assaults are perpetrated by male athletes, thus protecting the university, the male athletics programs, and the male athletes at the expense of the female victims.”

Outside the Lines reached out Monday afternoon to Michigan State spokesperson Emily Gerkin Guerrant, who said the university had no immediate comment.

The lawsuit states the woman met the three basketball players in an East Lansing bar on April 12, 2015. She was a journalism major interested in sports reporting and was eager to talk to team members.

She told Outside the Lines that a player bought her a Long Island iced tea and that shortly after she started to drink it, she began to lose control of her muscles — dropping that drink and another. She said she left the bar with some of the players after being led to believe her roommate had gone to a party at an apartment belonging to one of the players. Once at the apartment — and realizing her roommate wasn’t there — the lawsuit states the woman felt “discombobulated” and “tried to send a phone text, but she could not control her thumbs to formulate a text.”

In a lawsuit, a student says Michigan State subjected her to a “hostile educational environment” and failed to provide protection, instruction or adequate support after she told counselors in 2015 that three basketball players raped her. AP Photo/Al Goldis

She said in the interview that one of the players said to her, “You know you’re mine for the night?” to which she said she responded that she was just trying to find her friend. When another player later invited her into his bedroom to look at his sports memorabilia, she said she went willingly because, as an avid sports fan, “I thought it was pretty cool,” she told Outside the Lines. She remembered being incredibly thirsty, and she was given a glass of water, the lawsuit states, and she was “drinking the water when the room went dark.”

She said in the lawsuit that she was thrown down on a bed, was held down and was unable to move or speak while three players took turns raping her.

“I was crying. I was trying to push myself up, and I couldn’t move,” she told Outside the Lines.

“At no time did she consent to the sexual activity,” the lawsuit states.

She said she woke up on a couch in the apartment the next morning and took a cab back to her residence hall. She told Outside the Lines that she later wondered whether her alcoholic drink and the glass of water she was given had been spiked.

The woman eventually told a friend what had happened, and on April 20, 2015, the friend took her to the Michigan State University Counseling Center, according to the lawsuit. When the woman told the counselor that the three men “were notable MSU athletes on the basketball team,” the counselor told her that she needed someone else in the room and brought in another person whose identity the woman said she did not know, the lawsuit states, and the “counselor’s demeanor completely changed.”

The lawsuit states that the counseling center staff made it clear to her that if she chose to notify police that “she faced an uphill battle that would create anxiety and unwanted media attention and publicity as had happened with many other female students who were sexually assaulted by well-known athletes.”

She told Outside the Lines that she told the counselor about how she was scared to report the incident to police because she assumed she would get in trouble for underage drinking.

“She never told me or reassured me that that would not be a factor,” the woman told Outside the Lines.

The lawsuit states she was told that, “If you pursue this, you are going to be swimming with some really big fish.”

The lawsuit states that the counseling staff did not notify her of her right to report the incident to MSU’s Office of Institutional Equity, which handles complaints of sexual violence under the Title IX gender equity law, nor did they notify her of her Title IX rights, protections and accommodations.

The woman told Outside the Lines that she was under the impression that by telling the counseling center staff about the alleged assault that she had indeed “reported it” to MSU, and she was unaware that she needed to do anything further to get help. As a result, the lawsuit states, she was not informed of her right to receive a no-contact order to keep the men out of her residence hall, and she suffered “panic and flashbacks” when she saw them in the dining hall.

Her fear persisted into the following semester, and in October 2015 she had “become so traumatized, depressed and withdrawn” that she was admitted to an outpatient psychiatric program for intensive treatment, the lawsuit states.

She told Outside the Lines she couldn’t continue her sports journalism classes because of how she felt.

“Everyone I was in classes with or working with was just all into sports, like ‘bleed green,'” she said. “I’m thinking to myself, ‘If only you could look at them like I have to. If only you knew what it felt like.'”

The lawsuit states she temporarily withdrew from school. To get a refund of her tuition, the lawsuit states she had to explain her assault to more university officials and was not informed of any options for academic assistance.

Counseling, academic assistance, and protection and separation on campus from the alleged perpetrators are among the provisions that colleges should provide to students who report incidents of sexual violence, according to federal Title IX guidelines from the U.S. Department of Education.

The lawsuit states that the counseling center staff did refer her to the MSU Sexual Assault Program, which provides counseling and advocacy specifically for people who report being victims of sexual violence. But because her counseling center experience left her “so discouraged and frightened,” the lawsuit states, the woman did not seek help from the SAP until February 2016, by which time she had resumed classes and changed her major.

Even after she sought help from SAP, the lawsuit states that she was still not notified of her rights under Title IX and her option to report the incident to the Office of Institutional Equity — which would have been required to investigate — even though university protocol at that time required SAP advocates to provide that information.

Truszkowski, the woman’s attorney, also represents two women who have accused MSU football players of sexual assault. One was the victim in a case last week in which three now-former players pleaded guilty to felony charges of seduction, after they had been facing sexual assault charges for having pulled the woman into a bathroom and forced her to perform oral sex.

Truszkowski also filed a Title IX lawsuit on behalf of another woman against MSU in fall 2017 stemming from that woman’s report of being sexually assaulted by former football player Keith Mumphery, who was banned from campus in 2016 after the school reversed an earlier finding that Mumphery was not responsible for assaulting the woman. Mumphery never faced criminal charges. In a January court filing, MSU denied her claims and said its actions did not cause her to suffer any additional harassment. On March 15, the judge in that case ordered the parties to mediation.

Michigan State’s athletic department and the university as a whole have been under scrutiny in part because of an Outside the Lines investigation published Jan. 26. The investigation found a pattern of widespread denial, inaction and information suppression of sexual assault, violence and gender discrimination complaints by officials ranging from campus police to the MSU athletic department.

The report publicized not previously known police reports of sexual or violent incidents involving members of the MSU football team and Tom Izzo’s storied basketball program.

On Friday, Outside the Lines reported that Michigan State basketball player Brock Washington was charged by prosecutors in Ingham County, Michigan, with misdemeanor assault on March 8 after a criminal sexual conduct investigation. Washington had been named as the lone suspect in an alleged forcible sexual contact incident that was reported to have occurred at 3 a.m. on Aug. 29, 2017, in a university residence hall and was reported to police two days later. Sources have told Outside the Lines that a female student told campus police that Washington, who has been unable to be reached for comment, had groped her without her permission.

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[deliciouskeeks-blog]

The First Infraction

***This is really long, but if you like relationship drama.

I’m not a big fan of posting personal things on social media, but I needed an outlet this time around. I’ve been with this guy for the last 4 months, and we finally had our first fight. You know that feeling, when everything is going too fucking well, and you’re waiting for the other shoe to drop? And if it doesn’t, then you’re sitting there, waiting to throw your own shoe at whatever fucker is waiting to fuck up what’s been going good for you.

The last 4 months has been exactly that for me. My guy is a sweetheart. He does all the right shit, says all the right shit, and snuggles just fucking right, man. I’m not about to lay out everything he does because it would make this post more essay worthy than it already is, but the point is, he’s just fuckin’ right for me.

We see each other once a week because our schedules are hectic. But we spend all of Sunday together doing whatever the fuck, he sleeps over, and goes to work from my house every Monday AM. This has been our routine for the last 2 months.

Maybe about 2 moths ago, he told me that a girl he’s known for a while now said she wanted to have a threesome with us. He knows who I am, and he didn’t say it with the intent of trying to make it happen – and when I asked him what he’d told her in response to that shining jewel, he said he’d told her, “Hold your breath. You might actually die before she kills you.” Which is just about right where I’m at. I don’t share; if you’re with me, you’re MINE. I’m not overly, publicly possessive, and I’m certainly not about to go around curving bitches for you. That’s your job, and if you can’t do that or choose not to, then you know exactly where the door is. I’ll be alone for my whole fucking life before I play second fiddle to anyone.

Side note: My guy spends Saturdays with his best friend. They’ve known each other since 9th grade, and being 24, that puts them at 9+ years strong. Which isn’t a problem for me. I’ve made a point of making it clear, though, that if he can’t give me more than a few hours a week, then we’ll be going downhill fast. Which is why he began to spend Sundays with me and sleeping over. Appropriate responses to appropriate complaints.

Side note, part 2: My guy is also on the autism spectrum. That means that I didn’t ask for change immediately. It means that I was content to move at a logically slow pace, and that I wasn’t going to oust him from the lifestyle that he had been maintaining for 5+ years just to make myself happier faster. It means that I understood that sudden change to that lifestyle was going to be hard and maybe a little scary for my guy. As soon as we decided that we were committed and exclusive, though, I let my expectations be known and vice versa, and we’ve been moving together, at an agreeable pace ever since.

Side note, part 3: Up until about March of this year (we started dating in June), my guy was involved in an on-again, off-again relationship that spanned about 5 years. He pursued a girl, she would play with his emotions, use him for sex, then move on.

Side note, part 4: The girl who mentioned the threesome and the bitch in part 3 are the same person.

Boi ._____.

So. The infraction. One night, he texts me and asks me to call him. First of all, that never happens, so I was on high alert. I call him, and he’s huffing and puffing on the phone, and I’m immediately worried. I wait for the silence, and he finally tells me everything I just told ya’ll and also adds in that 3 weeks before, when he was drunk with his friend, she messaged him on FB, and they exchanged “extremely inappropriate” messages. He asks me if she’s contacted me because she threatened to screenshot the messages and send them to me.

First – no, I didn’t blow up. Yelling at him causes him to shut down, and I’m not about that shit. We’re going to talk this out and see what solutions there are, if any. But I did tell him that I would talk to him about it the next day because I was at a friend’s birthday party and refused to ruin my night any further with that bullshit.

I finished my night out with 7 shots of tequila and some lemon pound cake. Millennial style, lmao.

So the next day, I go to his house, and we sit and talk for hours. Which was really me talking and explaining exactly all my problems with this fucked situation. The primary reason I’m sharing this is because I felt like I handled this in an extremely calm, collected manner, and I really just wanted to share what points I addressed and how I addressed them.

1: This was an instance of cheating. I saw that he wanted to deny it, but he agreed with me when I said that. It doesn’t matter if he didn’t actually fuck her. It was cheating because they essentially fucked virtually, so if he expected me not to be upset with that, then he was about to be extremely disappointed.

2: I understand that lingering feelings may be present. I wasn’t angry about “lingering feelings”. I don’t expect a connection that lasted for 5+ years to *poof* and fly away just because he met me. That’s not how the heart and brain are wired, not to mention that I’m really just not that fucking special, tbh. But having lingering feelings and acting on lingering feelings are two different things.

3: I told him that being drunk was not an excuse. If I ever get tipsy when I’m with him (which I have, several times), he refuses to touch me because he says that consent is only viable when I’m sober. I give him shit for it, but I think it’s adorable, so I don’t actually care. BUT, this is the point that I made: If my consent is an issue after 3 fucking beers, then okay. But if his getting drunk means that he can’t be held accountable for his actions, then he needs to stop drinking so heavily and putting himself in such a situation that he would need to be held accountable for bullshit. This wasn’t “she messaged him and he curved her”, ya’ll. This was him and her messaging back and forth, knowing that he was in a relationship, and knowing damn well what I would think about that. And yes; she knew he was taken. It was posted on the social media outlet they were communicating through, and she commented and liked the post in which it was announced.

4: I’m not holding her accountable for anything. She’s not in a relationship with me. She’s not the one who sleeps beside me every Sunday night, and she’s not the one who uses intimate knowledge of my body that I didn’t even know fucking existed to bring me to orgasm. SHE AIN’T MY PROBLEM. My problem is my guy, who knew exactly who he was dating, who knew exactly how I would respond, and who knew exactly what he shouldn’t have been doing. It’s HIS responsibility to curve her. It’s HIS responsibility to stay loyal to me. And if he doesn’t want to be loyal, then he can leave. Simple as that. I’m not begging a man to show me the same loyalty that I’m showing him.

5: Apparently, she has a child by some filthy, domestic abuser, and while I hope that fucker gets the full force of whatever karma has in store for his dirty ass, no amount sympathy or empathy will make ME okay with this situation. My guy is the caring type who goes out of his way to help people he feels close to, and that’s bitten him in the ass a few times, and while I understand the history there and understand that he was there for this chick when she went through the fiasco with her ex, he has no obligation to her. I made it clear: she’s not his to protect. I am. He chose me, and she didn’t choose him until she noticed that he was no longer available to her.

6: “Don’t fuck up again.” I didn’t expand on that point, I didn’t explain anything. I ended the conversation with that.

The point of this long ass story, both guys and girls, is to highlight a few things.

1: You’re not obligated to stay. If someone fucks up, LEAVE IF YOU WANT TO. Maybe I’m stupid for staying. Lord knows I feel like a dumbfuck, and my friends have told me that I’m a dumbfuck for staying with him. But he makes me happy in ways that no one has for quite a fucking while, and I’m willing to make this work – as long as he doesn’t fuck up again. But please. It’s okay if you don’t feel strong enough to deal with something like this, and it’s okay to leave for your own intellectual and emotional well-being. It’s okay.

2: If they fuck up, refuse to acknowledge the fuck up, or worse, see nothing wrong with their transgression, DIP, BABE. Leave that fucker because they’re strapping your ass into the car and forcing you to carpool to hell with them. People like that are emotionally draining and don’t deserve the good shit that falls in their laps.

3: Don’t listen to other people. I vented to 2 friends and my mom. My mom was like “Look here. Talk it out. Don’t kill him. I don’t need a child in prison.” But both my friends were like “LEAVE HIM SIS HE DON’T DESERVE YOU”. And I was right there in between. If he’d responded any other way to our talk, I actually might have, though. Point is, go with your gut and call it a day. You’re not obligated to abide by someone else’s opinion or decision just because you’re close to them.

But don’t be a goofy bitch and stay with someone who’s emotionally draining and wrecking your life just because you’re afraid to be alone. Romeo and Juliet are not role models, babe. They both died, not because they loved each other that much, but because Romeo was too stupid to wait like 4 seconds for Juliet to wake up. Point in case: Don’t let “love” make you too stupid to see shit for what it is.

****You’re probably wondering if I asked to see the messages. No, I didn’t. I also didn’t ask him to block her. There’s this thing called “trust”, and it’ll either beat my ass or reward me heavily. I’ll find out which in a few months, I guess.