#I do associate don't forget to remember with a bad emotional incident but also with realizing I was having a time and reaching out for help

[epersonae]

Tagged by @adickaboutspoons - thank you!

Rules: Go to your published works on AO3 and list the first fic you ever published there, the last fic you published, any fic that you wrote for a fandom/ship only once, your favorite fic you wrote in the fandom/ship that has the most works, the fic you wish more people read, the fic you agonized over the most, the fic that sprang fully formed from your mind without any effort, and a work you are proud of—for whatever reason. <3

First fic - A week at a day spa, which is the first fic I ever wrote, and the first time I'd written any fiction in years. It was a bit of an experiment, right before I became completely obsessed with my rarepair. I don't love it, but I don't hate it either. I'd be tempted to take another run at that moment from another direction after everything else I've written.

Last fic - end up several worlds away, the missing scenes companion to for the benefit of all the broken hearts. I just added a chapter with Stede seeing Mary's art for the first time. At the moment, this is my only active WIP; I have a partially written chapter in GDocs that I might work on again soon.

Only fic for a fandom/ship - The dead and the living, my one and only Star Trek (TOS movies) fic. During my time between TAZ and OFMD, I got into a Star Trek Slack and we have done watch parties for a bunch of the movies. somewhere in my head/gdocs I have the start of a long heavy fic about Khan's wife, but this little piece just kind of popped into my head after we watched Star Trek III. I love Carol Marcus a lot.

Favorite fic in the fandom with the most works - Did I really write one hundred and fifty fics for The Adventure Zone????? I sure did. Obviously I have to pick The Reckoning Arrives, which is my longest fic in any fandom, the fic that Ryn and I worked so hard on, the fic that kinda saved my life. But also I was poking through some of my other TAZ fic, and there's actually quite a few of them I still love, but The Woman Who Wasn't There is a fave as far as fics that aren't in my larger continuity. (readers of for the benefit of all the broken hearts will notice a theme about bringing the wife back into the story, which I hadn't really considered until today.)

Fic I wish more people read - another one I found while poking through old TAZ fics: Don't forget to remember. NGL, it's kinda fucked up, but at least it's short? But it's just a tight little story about coping and trauma and memory, and honestly it gave me an outlet at a time when I really needed it. Of my Our Flag Means Death fics: probably the whole devil's threeway series, which is about to be completely decanonized and I'm totally okay with that. I still think I got a vibe that I'm really pleased with and it ended up being the only reunion that I've written, which I think is genuinely funny.

Fic I agonized over the most - for the benefit of all the broken hearts, which I agonized over in so many ways. both in terms of WHAT AM I EVEN WRITING HERE and in the actual work of writing (and the bonkers choice to not name the protagonist in the text), and then in the actual work of editing. I put the most effort into this of literally anything I've ever written in any medium for any purpose.

Fic that sprang fully formed - nice either way, aka the beard fic, which I wrote over the course of a single afternoon driving along the Columbia River Scenic Highway (that was a weird week). Although to be honest, I would say almost any fic less than 1000 words is likely to have sprung fully formed, especially a lot of my earlier TAZ works when I was kind of continuously writing. (Again: 150 works)

A work I'm proud of - it really does have to be for the benefit of all the broken hearts, I worked my ass off on that one and it occupied my whole brain for several months. It was a wild thing to attempt to do, both as a story and as a technical challenge, and I'm so pleased with how it turned out.

Tagging (as always, no pressure but have fun with it!) - @naranjapetrificada, @nekosd43, @gaypiratebrainrot, @mxmollusca, @oatmilktruther, @emi--rose

[morallyinept]

Hey D! How you feeling today?

Oh, my dude. 😦 You're feeling guilty for missing last week's Self-Care with Dieter & Jett? Aww, buddy. That's okay. You don't need to feel guilty - I missed it too. 😬

It was a heck of a week, wasn't it?

But that does lead us nicely into this weeks topic. I think you'll like this one, D.

But first, I have something that I really want to do with you... I can't stop thinking about it. And I know it's something that we just really need to tackle head on, you know?

No more putting it off!

Oh, it's going to be so satisfying. And really messy, knowing you...

So, you wanna do it with me, handsome?

Excellent! Come on D, get your paint pots out! This room could do with a new lick of paint.

What? What did you think I meant? 😏

Happy Friday. It's time for some Self-Care With Dieter & Jett. 🖤

So, Dieter and I dropped the ball last week and we missed posting for Self-Care, didn't we bud?

I know, D. I know. 😒

☝🏻But it's okay. Sometimes, things don't always go according to plan and life can get in the way. Distractions, lack of time or just general forgetfulness.

And sometimes, when things happen that are beyond our control, we can start to feel a bit guilty.

This week we're going to look at ditching the guilt.

But what is guilt, exactly?

Guilt is a sense of regret or responsibility for thoughts, words, or actions. It can happen when you perceive you’ve harmed someone, think you’ve made a mistake, or have gone against your own personal moral code of conduct.

Feeling guilty can be a positive emotion in some cases, and may even help you learn from your mistakes.

But you can also feel guilty for situations that you believe were your fault or even incidents that were not your fault at all. People can also use guilt-provoking tactics to manipulate someone into doing things they’d rather not do.

So what can we do to ditch the guilt? Any thoughts, D?

Mmmyeah... Okay, I'll give you some pointers, bud. Jett'll do the hard work, like always... 🙄

Acknowledge it exists

First of all, understand that at some point you will feel guilty about something. Whether that's over indulging whilst dieting or not going to the gym, or arguing with a loved one and saying something in the heat of the moment you might later regret.

There are so many root causes in our lives that guilt can stem from, and everyone's perception of guilt and what can cause it is different.

You may think that overindulging when dieting, for example, seems trivial to you, but for another person feelings of guilt over-indulgence can seem a little overwhelming.

Understanding exactly why it is that you feel guilty will be easier to begin to rationalise it.

Yeah, that's a face of a man with no remorse about over-indulging, right, bud?

Eliminate the negative

Though guilt can initiate a positive action as you tackle and work through it, it can also cause you to associate your behavior with who you are as a person. This can lead to some negative self-portrayal such as thinking or assuming “I’m a bad person.”

You're not a bad person.

Try to remember that, although the behavior or consequence may have been less than ideal, it doesn’t define who you are.

That's right, D, you're not a bad person either. You're a superstar. Sometimes...

Is there a reason to feel guilty?

Perhaps you've had an argument with a loved one and you're still harbouring negative feelings and guilt about it.

Find out if they've already moved on and forgiven you by communicating with them.

You might discover that there's no need to feel guilty, and you could be wasting time living in guilt when it's not actually necessary.

So reach out...

Do you deserve it?

Some people associate feeling guilty as though they deserve it. They feel that because they did something deemed as incorrect or wrong, they should feel guilty.

This also works on the opposite side of the scale when a person performs an action and doesn't feel guilt as a consequence.

Whether you feel you deserve to feel some guilt or not, it's important to understand that guilt is an emotion, and it's one you can work through, just like any other emotions you may feel.

Even if you don't feel guilt, that's okay too. Sometimes not feeling guilt is a way of telling you it was the right outcome to the scenario, but that, of course, depends on the situation or scenario.

☝🏻It's important to note however, that if you regularly perform or act upon negative outcomes/situations, and don't feel any remorse or guilt, then this could be perceived as being narcissistic or even sociopathic by others.

In these instances it's important to seek help or guidance to understand these feelings and why you may feel that way, if you or someone close to you notices a pattern in your behaviour.

Look for the positives

When feeling guilty about something, it's easy to look at all the negatives that circle around it.

But look for the positive. You can learn something, you can grow. You can move forward if you forgive yourself. You can make a list of all the positive things that you do.

When you understand the positive and seek it out, it's a good step in learning to forgive yourself.

It's okay to prioritise YOU

Some people feel guilty if they don't devote their time to others, such as family obligations, friends or even maintaining an online presence.

But it's okay to take time for yourself. You're only human and your mental health needs a break now and again. Or as much as you personally want to devote to a having a break and indulging in you.

You should never feel guilty for putting you first.

And if anyone tries to make you feel guilty for that, then you may need to re-evaluate their position in contributing positively to your mental wellbeing.

It's okay to walk away if you need to...

Complete any actions

Sometimes, moving on from guilt needs an action for closure.

For example, you may need to apologise. Admit that you made a mistake or own up to it...

It is hard to summon up the courage to apologise, D, you're right.

But it's the most important step for eliminating the guilt and re-setting the balance in your mental health when it comes to feeling guilt, remorse or even shame.

Once you've performed your appeasing action, you can then move forward in putting any guilt behind you and learning from it to move forward.

Understand what you can control

You are not responsible for anyone else's actions

For example, suppose you still feel responsible for something that happened years ago. It might be more helpful at this point to focus on determining what you can do now to help the situation.

If nothing can change the situation, bear in mind that holding onto guilt won’t likely deliver the change you’re looking for. Try to have some compassion for yourself.

Remember that some things are unchangeable, and that’s okay!

You should never feel guilty for someone else's actions, especially if it's in a situation that you cannot, or do not have, any control over.

So Dieter, are you feeling a little less guilty about skipping out on last week's Self-Care post now?

That's great, bud. Sometimes, things happen beyond our control and that's alright.

Now what say we indulge for a bit and not feel guilty about it, that sound good? 😀

Thought it might...

Dieter and I hope we have helped you to understand that guilt is an emotion that we'll experience at some point and when we do, it's okay to forgive yourself and give yourself permission to move forward in ditching the guilt.

Until next time, stay kind & stay creamy! 🖤

YOU. ARE. STRONGER. THAN. YOU. THINK. 🖤

Do you. Then do Dieter.

More Dieter & Jett love here

ℹ️ Dieter and I always strive to bring you unbiased, fact-checked advice. We're not licensed therapists, so we do a lot of research to ensure we can provide helpful and informative posts. Well, I do. Dieter mostly sits around eating KitKats.