#I don't actually think I've ever listened to NPR

[synobun]

You seem like the kind of dude who'd listen to NPR.

This is a compliment.

The little preview box in my notifs made this look like it was going to be my first ever tumblr hate mail

I was kinda excited ngl

[dollarbin]

Mitchell Mondays #1:

Woman of Heart and Mind

I've avoided writing about Joni Mitchell so far for plenty of good reasons. She's too good, too complicated and too obvious.

What's more, I've never encountered a single piece of journalism about Mitchell that I found compelling: I recently thumbed through a new book about her by some NPR critic and found nothing whatsoever of interest or depth. Yeah, we all know: Little Green is biographical. Thanks for pointing that out.

Even Neil Young, in his heyday, was unable to sing about Joni in a way that lived up to her depth and power:

The song is cute. But Joni Mitchell is not cute. She's actually kinda terrifying; like Athena enforcing peace at the end of The Odyssey, we worship her because we basically have no choice.

But I own and deeply appreciate every record Mitchell made up through the 80's and it's high time I grabbed a sword, chugged some strong wine and ordered my men to row towards Joni Island. Like with Sandy Denny, we'll consider her work one song as a time.

Why one song at a time? Because that's my deal during this self declared Nickel Bin week. And because how the hell am I ever gonna sum up the greatness of Hissing of Summer Lawns or Blue in a single post? And because I'm a wimp.

Let's start with Woman of Heart and Mind, a brief track that's easy to snooze through if you are not paying attention. It took me a long time to begin appreciating the album around the song, For the Roses; I claimed it for a dollar in 1993, took a moment to deeply appreciated the fantastic inner photo of Joni's rear end, and then understood none of the music within it. Where were the hits? Where was the crazy? Plus, if she'd needed a rock and roll band for a single song, why the hell did she summon Stephen Stills?

But I was 17 years old at that point and wrong about everything, obviously. The entire record is rich and bold. And Woman of Heart and Mind is one of its many soulful mind crushers.

I dare you to actually concentrate and listen to the lyrics of this song. Don't be fooled by the title or the patient pacing; this is not a Carole King-style comfy feminist empowerment number.

Rather the song is downright brutal; and when Joni drops a huge and crude f-bomb midway through the track (yeah, she's saying what you think she's saying: you and some strangers do some fornicating) I get downright terrified. The naked lady on the gatefold sounds like she's gonna kick my teensy ass.

Did you do it? Did you actually listen to all the terrifying directives and descriptors Joni Mitchell just hurled at you?

Listen, you don't have to literally follow her advice. It's up to you whether or not you drive your bargains, push your papers, win your medals and, gulp, get to know (in the biblical sense) some strangers. 'Cuz doing so sounds terrifying.

And I'm truly sorry for inducing such terror during our first Mitchell Monday.

But, after all, terror can make for great art, especially when you find it in the Dollar Bin.

[vuele]

since i was sick for the past week(ish) i didn't get to set up my journal and my house is a mess so i can't find the one pencil i own (because i was once on a quest to find the Ideal Pencil, and since i bought it ~8 years ago i never wanted another), i want to put my intentions for the new year here!

- watch more non-hollywood movies: as a teen, i was so into foreign & independent movies! i was always watching something new and buying dvds at discount outlets, and i miss that!

- finish my current art projects: or, at least!!! the embroidery project i've been working on for two years. and i want to improve my skills so i can make cooler things to decorate my house with!

- go on walks & dance more: because these are the only physical activities i like besides swimming (which! i really want to do but i would have to go to the public pool & ... covid 💀)

- write regularly: reading my diaries from high school made me so nostalgic! i know there's other ways to preserve memories nowadays but i feel like writing something about how i'm feeling/what's going on is important.

- try new recipes: i actually like cooking i think (cleaning up after might be what i despise so much that it clouds the whole process), and many many years ago i tried this elixir soup from windwaker recipe that turned out to be one of my favorite soups ever. i want to find more things like that! also, lately eating feels like this huge chore because my nose has been permanently congested so nothing tastes right and i want it to feel exciting again! i want cooking to feel like magic!

- listen to more diverse music genres: i like to think i listen to lots of different kinds of music, but it's honestly like just p4k/npr-core... so i want to try getting into genres i've never been a fan of (jazz, r&b) and also! to delve deeper into genres that i only listen to at family parties.

- actually follow a daily routine: because i need it so bad!!! and my sleeping schedule is a mess!!! and i never have energy and lose momentum the moment i wake up!! honestly if i can have a good morning/night routine idc about whatever the rest of the day is

- take proper care of my houseplants: they're alive because they're almost all some variation of succulent/low maintenance plant that is ok when i forget to water them for [redacted] days. but i have SO many pots from the past plants that died and i'm sorry!! and i love having plants because they make me feel cheerful!!! so!!

- keep my house tidy: i so desperately want to view cleaning as an act of self-care, rather than the most taxing, painful, annoying, ceaseless, futile, fruitless thing ever!!! and i don't know how to do this yet, but i do know having everything look tidy makes me feel less stressed so at some point i want to do something

[havegaysex]

It feels really invigorating listening to NPR coverage of the democratic convention. Frustrating to hear Joe Biden say covid no longer controls our lives given current data. However I want to volunteer I don't know how much I can actually do but I want to volunteer in politics for the first time in hot minute. I canvassed and updated voter registration and made phone calls for three presidential election campaigns in a row. And I felt so disillusioned when Joe ran that I was just so done spending my energy to really help the movement but if I could do just a few hours over the next few months leading up to the election I think it would be really fulfilling. I volunteer minimum 10 hours a month at my vet clinic to get further discounting beyond my low income discounts and it's so fulfilling. I can't work, I can't ever maintain enough hours to ever get more money every month than I'm getting on social security (still under 1k a month bc of Republicans), but volunteering a few hours here or there has been so fulfilling and it's given me such a good sense of purpose. I think I could contribute maximum one or two hours a month to political volunteering for the next 4 months. As long as I can just sit in one place comfortable cushioning I could do a little bit. There's data entry and phone banking, I've done those before. Years ago. There's no way I could do anywhere near the levels I did back then but a little bit could be so much. And after the election I can go back to my 10 hours a month sitting and folding some laundry or watching patients in recovery at the vet clinic as everything I do.

[lee-jinkis-ponytail]

TW: Dec. 18

I don't think I've ever mentioned that the 1st time I actually heard of SHINee was the day Jonghyun passed away 4 years ago. I don't like to focus on it because I try to celebrate his life rather than mourn his death. But I vividly remember sitting at my cubicle and scrolling the NPR site. Colin, my ex boyfriend, had passed in the same way just a few months before, so the story struck me.

I didn't know anything about Kpop at the time, and had no idea that about 3 years later, SHINee would become so important to me. But it makes sense to me now, the way they found their way into my life. People who don't get it say they're "just a boyband," but they really are so much more. They always have been, since they debuted almost 14 years ago.

For me, there's one big reason they mean so much: The Story of Light albums that they released a few months after Jjong passed really captured the overwhelming grief that I had been trying to cope with for years. Listening to the TSoL albums three years after losing Colin just... felt cathartic? Somehow? Those albums helped me understand how to live with the loss.

As for Jjong himself... God, where to begin. It says a lot about how strong his presence and personality are that I, a "Babywol," am sitting here missing him so badly. Drawing fan art of him and taking comfort in his music, his Blue Night Radio talks, his hijinks on variety shows. He was so kind and funny, and he stood up against injustice.

I've talked to long-time Shawols who said they felt like they didn't deserve to grieve him, because it wasn't like they ever even met him. But Jonghyun talked often about how he hoped his songs would help him connect with fans around the world, and bring them solace and joy. It's only natural to feel like we *did* know him, because he wore his heart on his sleeve. Though he couldn't meet every individual fan, he used his music to reach out. His lyrics often feel like late-night conversations, the kind you have with a BFF at a sleepover when you're both supposed to be sleeping.

So. Yeah. It makes sense that we all miss him. The whole point of art is human connection, and he'd mastered that skill.

It's comforting knowing that SHINee are carrying on his legacy. Instead of deciding to disband, they did what Jjong would do: took their grief and shared it through art. And they did it all without losing what made them SHINee. Whether they're releasing experimental, upbeat hits or thoughtful ballads, you can still hear Jjong's influence. I just know he's proud of them.

So, Jonghyun & SHINee, & SHINee World too: thank you so much. For everything.

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그댄 나의 자랑이죠. 💙💎