#for a couple years i would listen to podcasts during walks

[synobun]

You seem like the kind of dude who'd listen to NPR.

This is a compliment.

The little preview box in my notifs made this look like it was going to be my first ever tumblr hate mail

I was kinda excited ngl

[foreverrandomwritings]

Congratulations M! 🎉🎉🎉

The first of many…For our sweet Bobby boy…I’m thinking romantic with collecting flowers on their way home (spring), making flower crowns (spring) and you got me flowers? (Soft and sweet sentence starters)?

Flower Crowns

Summary: After years of you making him flower crowns Bob decides its his turn to make you one.

Pairing: Robert "Bob" Floyd x afab!Reader

Warnings: angst, anxiety, depression, death, car accidents, financial problems... I think that's it.

Word count:3466

Masterlist M's Hundred Celly Masterlist

Bob had been worried about you for a couple of weeks now. You had been burnt out at work for a while. Desperately needing some time off but not being able to take it. On top of that you had some family issues arise that you had been scrambling to make sense of. Then much to the shock of both of you, your company told you they were downsizing and wouldn’t need you any longer come the end of the summer. 

Even though you had been talking to your therapist weekly he could tell that everything was bottling up inside you. The anxiety of finding a new job and the unknown of the future weighing on you heavily. He had tried asking you to talk to him but you assured him you were okay. He knew it was a lie but decided not to push you. 

In this state he was afraid of setting off a domino effect of anxiety and depression. So he had been doing subtle things in hopes of lifting your spirits. Getting you a bag of your favorite candies for you while he was out. Turning on your favorite movie and show as you walked into the room. Braiding your hair for you as you sat between his legs listening to a podcast and playing with a fidget toy he found for you. 

But none of those things seemed to have you opening up to him. He wanted you to let him bear some of the weight with you. You had done it for him countless times. You helped him as children when life on the farm got especially tough. The fear of losing everything his grandparents had worked for due to financial struggle worrying him even as a young boy. You sat with him more times than he could count letting him vent to you.

“I just don’t know how they’ll make it when I’m gone. I’m not sure I’ll be able to go to the Navy if things are this bad already.” He told you as you sat in his grandparents pasture. He had overheard his grandparents talking about their struggle to keep the farm before school that morning. His head was laying in your lap, his eyes fixed on your hands. You were working flowers together, weaving them into a flower crown. Yours was already placed atop your hair, the mix of colors standing out. The one in your hands was meant for his head. You would glance at him every now and then. A small smile on your face that was reserved only for him.

“I’ll be here to help out Bobby. You have no need to fret anyhow. Those years are still so far away.” You reassured him as your own mind wandered to their survival. This conversation wasn’t new to you. The blonde would bring it up almost twice a week. Even at the young age of eleven he was worried about things out of his control.

Money had been tight since his parents passed away in an accident two years ago. You had been there for him then too. You had sat in the pasture at his request and made him a flower crown after he begged you to. The sight soothed him and made him forget that he was mourning his parents after the tragedy that had taken them from him.

 Bobby wasn’t old enough to get a job in town yet. But he helped around the farm as much as he could. Before school he was up early with his grandfather getting all the morning chores done. After school he was found mending fences, throwing hay, tending to the animals and anything else that didn’t get done during the day. 

Your family was quite a bit more well off than his grandparents and offered to buy their farm and allow them to keep it many times. But they were too proud to ask for help. Even if the whole town could see the hardships they were in. 

You had decided to get married as soon as you were out of high school. Having been infatuated since the first time you laid eyes on each other at the age of five. 

Your Gran and Pap were close with his Memaw and Pops. They had invited you and your grandparents over for lunch and an impromptu play date with their grandson that would be arriving for the summer that day. You were sitting in their pasture with your grandmother weaving together a flower crown as she had shown you to do before. His grandmother sat with you telling you about her grandson Bob.

As his little body came running up the hill out of breath you giggled at him. He gave you a goofy grin as he adjusted the strap of his glasses. It had gotten wrapped around his ear during his quest up the hill. You gave him a smile that would be the first of many in his presence. He sat down beside you in a mess of limbs. You placed the crown you had finished atop his head and he beamed. 

“Are you gonna be alright up here sweets?” Your grandmother asked you.

“I’ll be alright Gran.” you replied to her as you gathered more flowers. Bob watched your tiny fingers work the colors together. 

“I’m gonna head down and get you kids some snacks Robert.” His Memaw said, he gave her an eager nod in reply.

“Do you want me to teach you how to make one Bobby?” You asked him sweetly.

“That’s alright sweet girl.” He had thought that was what your grandmother had called you but he had barely been listening. You giggled at the name but didn’t correct him and pulled more flowers from the ground.

At the age of sixteen Bob asked you to be his girlfriend. You had been best friends since the first time you met. He would visit during the summers and you were inseparable. It was always heartbreaking when he would leave for school. But when his parents passed away he moved in with his grandparents permanently. 

The both of you sat in his grandparents pasture not unlike the millions of times before. Yet this time somehow felt different. Bobby had been acting nervous all day. When he asked you to meet him in the field that day at school you had grown worried. But had pushed through and joined him. 

“All those years ago when I came here for the summer. I never would’ve expected to find the sweetest girl weaving together a messy color filled flower crown. What I guess I'm trying to say or well I guess ask is, will you go steady with me?” You had been picking flowers out as he stumbled over his words. They all fell to the ground messily at his question. You nodded your head rapidly and knocked him over as you lunged at him from your criss cross position across from him.  

No one was surprised when he had proposed to you. The whole town had wanted to be a part of your wedding however. Having seen the two of you growing up together and witnessing the love blossom had left them feeling entitled to the day. 

“Sweet girl?” He had called for you as he walked up the hill from his grandparents house. You had been sitting there for almost fifteen minutes waiting for the glasses clad young man to join you. You already had your flower crown atop your head and were almost done with his when he approached you. 

“Hiya Bobby boy.” You said as you finished tying the last flower. You reached a hand up and he was grasping it pulling you up from the ground. He dropped down to one knee as you placed the colorful crown atop his head. He reached into his pocket grasping at the small box. 

As you pulled back you looked down at him. That smile only he ever saw crazing your face. You had so many emotions swirling through your eyes as you noticed the box in his hand. He pushed his glasses up his nose awkwardly. Dragging a hand through his hair he let out a shaky breath. You waited patiently for him to ask you the question you had been talking about for months. 

“As soon as I was old enough to know what love was I knew I had alrighty known it all along. Would you spend the rest of your life making me flower crowns as my wife, sweet girl?” He asked you as tears sprang to his eyes. 

“Yes, Bobby, yes, yes, yes.” you said before dragging him to stand in front of you. He slipped the delicate ring on your finger and gave you a slow and emotional kiss. The ring was a delicate silver band. It replicated the flowers you had woven together countless times with a singular diamond placed in the middle. He had used all his money from the job he had uptown to pay for it. 

A small ceremony was held in his grandparents' flower filled pasture. Your parents had paid for the dress, his suit, a new pair of boots for the both of you, the food, decorations, cake and all the other random odds and ends. So his grandparents felt they needed to contribute and their land was really all they had. You wore a flower crown atop your head that you had thrown together while you and Bobby sat in the field that morning. 

“One day you’ll be flying in a plane way up there as the best weapons systems officer the Navy has ever seen.” You told him as you pointed to the sky briefly. He was laying on his side, body angled towards your sitting one. He had once again as he had so many times before watched your fingers pull together the flowers, colors meshing together intercantly. He hoped one day he could make one for you. 

“Then one day when I retire we’ll come back here. Spend our days growing old tending to land that has provided us with so much peace. You’ll be making delicate little flower crowns as we rock in our chairs on the front porch.” He told you as his mind painted the picture inside his head. He couldn’t wait to grow old with you. To go through life knowing you’ll always be by his side. 

You thought about the possible kids you might call your own one day. The conversation had been one you talked through thoroughly. You had no desire to have kids of your own. But had both agreed you had a shared desire to adopt. So many years down the line you would have another conversation pertaining to the topic and decide if you were ready then. 

“I can’t believe I get to call you my husband in just a few short hours Bobby.” You said as you met his eyes. 

“And you sweet girl will be my wife.” Your gran called for you from a distance as you finished the piece in your hands. You stood up from your spot on the ground pulling your soon to be husband up with you as you went. You gave him a peck on the cheek before you were gliding down the hill.

When the time came you did your best to assist him through joining the navy. The extra money he got for being married was all used to help keep his grandparents afloat. They had refused the money at first but when Bobby fell on his knees begging them to accept it they reluctantly did. You stayed at the farm with them helping them as much as you could until moving to be with Bobby. You made sure to hire them some help before leaving the small town. 

You helped him as he struggled to accept his grandparents' death not even three years ago. The news wasn’t shocking for either of you; they had both been in their late eighties and were steadily declining. So when you got the call that his grandmother had gotten worse you both flew out to spend the last week with her. She passed in her sleep as old age took her. Not even two days later his grandfather passed away in his sleep. The death was determined to be from a broken heart. So instead of one funeral you were both planning two. 

They had left the farm to the both of you in their will. But not living in the state meant you wouldn’t be able to take care of it. He talked about not signing another contract when his current one was up and moving the two of you back to the farm.

“I can just retire early from the Navy sweet girl. We can move back here and take care of the farm. We’ve talked about it before. It’s just happening sooner than expected.” he proposed as you lay beside each other. Flowers of many colors littered his chest as he passed them to you. His crown was beside him in the grass and you were working to get yours done.  

“We are not doing that Bobby. You know that isn’t what they would want. They knew how much you love being a wisso. We just need to figure something out until we can get back here.” So you sold the farm to your parents. They promised you it was yours as soon as you were ready. The extra money all went into a savings account preparing for the future. 

You dealt with the deployments and moving when orders of a new station were sent out. You would still visit the farm, especially when Bob was deployed. Being around your family had helped ease some of your worry for the top gun grad. He also enjoyed getting pictures of his grandparents farm. You had helped him through his nightmares of the missions he’d been on. 

“I’ve got you Bobby.” You said as you ran your fingers through his hair. His head laid against your chest sobs cleaving through his body. You held him for what felt like hours until his body was still and his breaths were even. You hated seeing him like this. 

The nightmares happened so frequently since the uranium mission. He had broken down and told you everything that happened the first time a nightmare pulled him from sleep. You had listened to him intently soothing him when his breathing became rapid and his hands began to shake. 

It was normally pretty routine. You would be laying against his chest, legs tangled together. The house would be silent around you. Then a terrified scream would rip through the dark of the bedroom. You would quickly sit up and turn the bedside lamp on. The light in the room helped ground him back to reality. 

Then you would gather him into your arms and whisper to him. You would whisper to him about your times in the pasture growing up. You would whisper to him about the future you would have together on the farm. You would whisper to him that his grandparents and parents were all making sure he made it home to you no matter what. Your fingers would weave through his hair like you were trying to tie flowers into it. The sensation would soothe him back into slumber.

You had done everything in your power to make sure he had as stress free of a life as possible. In the chaos of the last year, with the uranium mission and you both agreeing to accept the position he was offered in Fightertown. He had lost sight of how much you had been holding. Now he feared it was too late to lighten your load without you snapping. 

So as he ran back home from his morning jog with Phoenix he stopped abruptly scaring the brunette running alongside him. He saw a field of gorgeous flowers. The flowers looked almost identical to the ones in his grandparents' pasture growing up. The memories of all the times you had sat with him bearing the weight of his life coming into his mind. All the times you had placed a flower crown atop his head and eased the tension holding his body hostage. 

It was almost like fate wanted him to end up here today. They had never ran this path before. Normally taking the shorter way back to their neighborhood. Phoenix suggested the longer way today. She had hoped it would help clear her backseaters mind. He had confided in her how worried he was for you. So she figured this would be a good way for him to think through what was going on.

He made Phoenix stop so he could sit in the field for a moment. He reached his hand out and grabbed a handful of flowers. He started carefully and skillfully weaving them together. A shape of a crown transpiring as he continued the work. His fingers cramped slightly at the unrecognized task. But he pushed through until he was satisfied with the product. 

When he approached the house he could see you through the kitchen window. He glanced down at the flower crown he had resting in his hands. He hoped beyond hope that this would help you as much as it had helped him so many times before. 

“I’m home sweet girl.” he called out as he opened the front door toeing his shoes off. Your cat rubbed against his legs in greeting. He lovingly petted her head as he briefly thought about the first time he had seen the ball of fur. 

You had been taking a walk after work one day when you found the poor thing. A noise coming from a bush in a field of flowers had caught your attention. You looked into it and saw the tiny kitten curled up. You had waited a day to see if the mom would come back for it. Not wanting to take a baby from its mother unless necessary. 

The next morning you went back and the mother was nowhere in sight so you brought the tiny bundle home with you. Your husband had been on a short deployment at the time so you didn’t have him to discuss keeping it with. When Bob did get home he was surprised to see you sprawled out on the couch with a kitten on your stomach. You had looked up in surprise. Your eyes darting from his back down to the cat laying on you. 

“What's its name?” He asked you with a smile as he set his duffle bag down before rounding the couch.  

“Her name is flower. Seemed fitting since I found her in a field of them.” You told him as he gently pet the cat. She had purred into his hand and you knew he was gonna let you keep her.  

He heard you humming in the kitchen. An old country song flowing through the air. It had been the one that would play through his truck speakers as you rode around town with him back home. He paused in the doorway and took you in. You were making his favorite breakfast; pancakes, bacon, eggs and hashbrowns. He didn’t need to glance at the coffee pot to see if it was full as the smell of it was heavy in the air. 

“When did you get here Bobby?” you asked him as you threw a hand over your chest. You hadn’t heard him come in and it gave you quite the fright when you saw him in the doorway. You turned back around quickly and turned off the stove as you had just finished plating the last pancake when you had noticed him.

“Not for long, sweet girl. I was just taking in the sight of you.” He said shyly, pushing his glasses up his nose. You glanced at his other hand that was held against his chest.

“You got me flowers?” You asked him shakily. The sight of the flower crown causing tears to well up in your eyes. He closed the gap between you and gently placed the crown on your head. A loud sob broke through the kitchen as the crown rested against your hair.

“It’s alright sweet girl, I’ve got you.” He said pulling you into his chest. You soaked his already sweaty shirt in tears. He patiently waited for you to calm down a hand rubbing circles into your back.

“Bobby.” You shakily let out as you finally stopped crying.

“Let me be here for you, sweet girl.” He begged you. You nodded your head against his chest. You would let him bear some of the weight this time.

A/N: Wow did I have fun writing this one. Thank you so so so so much for this request Taylor. Thank you @saradika for the dividers that I definitely went a little crazy with. oops lol.

Tags(open): @sylviebell @eternallyvenus @loving-and-dreaming

[xariarte]

I’m considering trying to start a long Nova Knicks fic with flashbacks to their college days (inspired by one of your posts). I definitely want it to be angsty 🫣 and was wondering if you have any angsty plot lines or ideas? I’ve never wrote a fic before so I need all the help I can get 😅

Hello! Thanks for this ask!

When I wrote that post I didn't actually think anyone would get inspired by it, so I admit I didn't really think too hard about it. (That's why I took a couple of days to answer your ask. 😅)

But anyway, I did flesh out a hypothetical timeline in my Scrivener doc, so here it is with potential angsty plot lines/ideas:

On the first day of the 2015 Villanova Wildcats season, Jalen and Donte arrive on scene…Josh and Mikal are already there. Jalen and Donte have to share a dorm room and they get along pretty well really fast (like after preseason ended they were besties fast), but they also bonded over how annoying Josh was.

Most of the drama happens during the 2015-16 season. Jalen already liked Josh (even though Josh literally said he hated him), but Donte had to go through his own journey of acceptance with Josh (despite Jalen trying to convince him that Josh is fine). I'd recommend listening to the Donte guest pod episode. He was also injured during that season, so he spent most of that year in a walking boot, which added to his overall angst (and unhappiness with Josh). I think the Villanova Wildcats won the NCAA tournament title this year (I am not good at understanding college basketball as a Canadian).

In the 2016-17 season Josh and Donte have The Incident (Donte guest pod episode talks about that and also the ESPN article that I linked earlier). There's a lot of room for jealousy here because they're both cool with Jalen but not with each other. They do make their peace eventually but they fail to win the championships. Josh also declares for the draft that year, so he's pretty disappointed that they didn't win back to back NCAA tournament titles.

After Josh heads to the NBA, there is the 2017-18 season where Donte and Jalen win the NCAA tournament together. Josh is gone, which means there's plenty of angst here - Jalen missing Josh, Josh missing Jalen, Donte growing closer to Jalen, Jalen maybe giving Donte a chance because Josh is gone.

Now we get to the weird long period of 2018-2022, where they didn't play with each other. Jalen was on the Mavericks, Donte on the Bucks, and Josh on the Lakers. Donte and Josh moved to different teams during the years, but Jalen stayed on the Mavs most of the time. There are also the off seasons to keep in mind - I imagine there could be a lot of pining flashbacks here, maybe Jalen hangs out with Josh or Donte hangs out with Jalen or Donte and Josh hang out and there's lots of pining here.

Jalen was the first of the Nova boys to get on the Knicks — around July 2022. Josh came second, in February 2023, and Donte third in July 2023.

There is also the bonus summer where Josh and Jalen (and Mikal) were together for six weeks of unpaid basketball on Team USA for the FIBAWC. I don't know if you want to include this, I mean, there are more photos of Josh hanging out with Tyrese Haliburton more than with Jalen, so maybe there's a mini jealousy plot line to be found here...but Jalen and Josh's lockers were beside each other during this period so. I figured I'd include it.

Then finally we get to the Knicks 2023-24 season, present time. They're all playing together again, like they did in back in the 2015-16 and 2016-17 seasons except this time it's different. They're different. They're older and they're spending a lot of time together, which means more angst, are they going to finally get together or not. Plus, Jalen and Josh start the podcast, which means more off-season time together, and an extended play-off run.

Phew, this was...very long. I didn't specify what kind of angst necessarily because I think it depends on what kind of story you want to tell - is it a story about the Nova polycule or just Jalen/Josh (or Josh/Donte or Donte/Jalen)? The Knicks Nova boys are really versatile in which their story can be told in a lot of ways, with many tropes.

I admit I haven't paid detailed attention to them because I like to write various ships and switch back and forth a lot (if I only thought about the Nova Knicks I'd Go Insane). But understanding and talking about writing is something I love, so at least I can help there.

Hopefully this timeline provides you - or other people - some help on writing fics of them. I probably missed some stuff though. There's a lot of Nova Knicks history, like I didn't even mention their tweets about each other... 😭💖

[sophieakatz]

Thursday Thoughts: Fanfiction Feelings - Reflecting on the Starcruiser

I’ve written here before about how I don’t really like making “five-year vision” kind of statements. But I do have certain scenarios I imagine for my future – experiences I dream of that will let me know I’m doing the right thing, that I’ve “made it” (for lack of a better phrase) as a writer and a storyteller, and that I’m living the kind of life I want for myself.

For example, there’s the scenario of me standing in a crowd in front of a stage, surrounded by people who don’t even know I’m there, but they’re all super excited about the show that’s happening on that stage – a show that I wrote. I’ve lived that scenario a couple times now, and I can’t get enough of it.

But there’s a scenario I’ve been looking forward to even more than that, and I got a little taste of it the other day.

This scenario takes a couple different forms. I imagine myself walking through a convention hall, or sitting at my desk, or scrolling on my phone. And then, in this vision, I see that someone else has made something. I see someone cosplaying as a character I created. Or I find a fanfic written in the world of a story I wrote. And I realize that someone has loved my story so much that it inspired them to the point of creation. That they wanted to stay in this story a little longer, to give their time and energy to it a little longer. That they felt about my story the same way that I have felt about so many amazing stories I’ve loved my whole life.

A recent episode of the podcast “Heroes of the Halcyon” brought five fanfiction writers onto the show – specifically, writers of Star Wars: Galactic Starcruiser fanfiction. One of them even made a Raithe Kole cosplay! I couldn’t stop smiling while listening to it. These are people who love the Starcruiser so much, even if they’ve never set foot on the ship, that they wanted to continue to explore it through as many angles as they could. They eagerly explained how the multi-track, choose-your-own-adventure nature of this immersive experience makes it fertile ground for self-insert fanfiction and how the many different actors portraying each role presents a “multiverse” of possibilities, especially regarding shipping (meaning relationships, not starships). They also lamented the gaps in their knowledge about characters’ motivations and backstories, and expressed hopes that the powers that be will eventually reveal, for example, the translation of Gaya’s poem in the middle of “Poverty of Love.”

Like I said, I couldn’t stop smiling. But to be honest, my emotions are complicated here. In a way, this is the fulfillment of that vision. I was a writer for the Starcruiser, and that immersive experience has captured the imagination of thousands and inspired its fans to the point of creation. I’ve seen the cosplay and read the fanfics.

But it’s not my story.

Admittedly, I feel a sense of ownership for the Halcyon – for Raithe and Gaya, for Ouanii and Sandro, for Lenka and Sammie and Captain Keevan and Lt. Croy and the Saja and everyone else on that ship. Given how many hours and how much of my brain and my creative energy and my love I gave to the Halcyon, especially to developing and documenting the non-scripted elements of the show, it would be impossible not to. At one point during the project, I explained myself to a friend like this: “Half my brain is like, ‘Oh my gosh, I get to think about where Chewbacca is on the ship!’ And the other half of my brain is like, ‘My god, I have done nothing for the last forty-eight hours but think about where Chewbacca is on the ship!’” It was bananas. I loved it. I love Star Wars: Galactic Starcruiser, and I’m proud of the work I did with that incredible team to help bring this story to life.

But the fact remains that I do not own this story. I love these characters, but their journey began years before I was brought on board. There are moments and lines I could point to and say, “That’s my phrasing; that’s my idea; that scene is there because I fought for it.” But I haven’t been in “the room where it happens” since last April, and I’m certain that the show has grown and changed beyond my input, as a live production should.

I truly love working with intellectual property and bringing someone else’s story to life. I am not complaining; I could not even begin to express how grateful I am for the experiences I’ve had thanks to the Walt Disney Company. But writing for companies like Disney means I must respect the NDA. I can only speak about my experience there in the broadest terms. I don’t get to decide when to reveal the things that the audience hasn’t yet gotten to see, as much as I would love to share them. I’m ninety-nine percent sure that I’m not allowed to write Galactic Starcruiser fanfiction, and as much as I love delving into the blogs and the vlogs and seeing how people are reacting to this show I loved working on so much, I keep a careful distance from the fandom. I don’t join the Discords or respond to people’s theories on Tumblr. If I comment on someone’s TikTok, I say very little beyond thanking them for making me smile. I’m even feeling a little nervous about that Chewbacca joke I made earlier in this blog post, but since he appears in the commercials, I think I’m okay to mention him!

Writing for the Starcruiser – writing for Disney Live Entertainment at all – was a dream come true, and I am eagerly searching for my next opportunity to do so. But this is not the complete dream. And that’s exciting; it means I have more to strive for. I strive for the day when I can run across that convention hall and say, “Oh my gosh, I love that cosplay,” and know that it was my vision that inspired it. I dream of the day when I can say, “Here’s the behind-the-scenes truth of what was going on in that scene. Here’s what they want; here’s what it means. I’m so glad you wanted to know. I’m so glad you loved my story as much as I do.”

But at least for now I can say, from the bottom of my heart, thank you. Thank you to everyone who loves the Starcruiser to the point of creation. Thank you for giving your heart and your time to this story I gave so much of myself to. And thank you for giving me a taste of the future I’m striving for.

Ta bu e tay!

[eremosjournal]

Rating my Confession: Part 2

by Colin Martinez Longmore

My First Reconciliation

I made up fake sins during my first confession. After months of preparation where I learned about the powerful soul-cleansing properties of the Sacrament, I felt a little inadequate. I didn’t have any major sins on my heart or heavy chains that I needed to be released from. I think I was worried that my confession wouldn’t count because it wasn’t bad enough, so I did what I thought was right: I lied. 

I started off light, telling the priest about a made-up fight I had with my little brother. Then I followed up with the bombshell. “I also sold drugs to my friends. Crack.” I said, conjuring the worst narcotic I could think of at ten years old. 

The priest didn’t have any follow-up questions, but he did offer me absolution for my sins. 

RATING: 5/10, Kind of underwhelming

When I Cornered Fr. Richard Rohr in a Hotel Lobby

Back in 2016, I found out about Fr. Richard Rohr and fell in love with his type of theology. After reading Falling Upward, and listening to every podcast I could find with him, I jumped at the opportunity to fly out to Albuquerque and see him in person at one of his retreats. I was a little thrown off when I arrived and realized I was probably the only brown person in attendance, as well as the only person under the age of 50. But it didn’t matter, because I wasn’t there to make friends anyways... I was on a mission. I was going to find Fr. Richard Rohr, have him listen to my confession, and receive his profound spiritual insights that would make me superior to everyone around me.

On the second day, I skipped a breakout session and found him ambling across the hotel lobby. I rushed over to him. “Father, can you hear my confession!?”, I blurted out. He turned, smiled, and just nodded. I proceeded to absolutely trauma-dump all over him— digging up the weirdest and most embarrassing shit I could think of, hoping it would provide good fodder for the brilliant spiritual counsel I expected to receive at the end. But when I finished, he just looked at me with a sort of half smile and simply asked: “Are you trying your best to be a loving person?”

I blinked, then replied. “Uh.. yes”.

He put his hand on my shoulder and gave me a little squeeze. “Just keep doing that, ok?” Then he slowly walked away. 

RATING: 9/10, but idk if it even counts?

The Time When I Went Super High

This was one of the few times I felt like going to confession, not out of concern for the state of my soul, but because I realized I was being shitty to someone I loved. 

I got stoned one morning and went on a walk to get breakfast. As the full high set in, my mind wandered to my relationship with my mom, which was strained at the time. Thoughts swirled as I walked and I cycled through every emotion: sorrow for the way things were, empathy for the pain she was probably experiencing, regret for my own douchey behavior, and a deep longing to get back on the same page with each other. Something led me to reroute my walk to the nearby church, and I soon found myself standing in line for confession instead of bagels. The conversation in the confessional was authentic and healing, and the phone call to my mom afterward was even more so. 

Shout out to that Pineapple OG joint for preparing me for that moment better than any examination of conscience ever did. 

RATING: 10/10, Highly recommend

The Misogyny Special

One time, my then-girlfriend and I decided to do what every good Catholic couple is supposed to do:  go to confession together. We did our best to prepare for an intentional and honest sharing of our sins (spoiler: it was sex), so we were feeling pretty good as we pulled up to the remote abbey church nestled in the foothills. 

I went first. “Bless me Father for I have sinned…” I said, kicking off the ritual and pushing through the thick awkwardness of the moment. However, as the confession progressed, I was surprised by the tone of the conversation. The old priest was frank about wanting me to be accountable for my decisions, but his words were also caring, paternal and encouraging. I left the booth with a sense of hope and dignity. 

As my girlfriend entered the confessional after me, I flashed a smile at her, anticipating the inspiring conversation we were sure to have after her confession. She ended up being there much longer than I was, and when she came out it was clear that she wasn’t feeling as light and springy as I was.  

“...So how’d it go?” I asked carefully, on our quiet drive back. 

“Well, he told me I’m going to hell,” she said, “but I guess I can take communion this Sunday now.”

RATING: *7.5/10   *Results may vary if you’re not a cis, straight male.

[tellthemeerkatsitsfine]

I’ve just listened to The Bugle 4211, from November 2021, the first (and so far, only) episode to feature Stewart Lee. He was on there alongside Felicity Ward, with host Andy Zaltzman, and it was really good. I don’t know how they got Stewart Lee to do it; he explained at the beginning that he used to not understand the point of podcasts, but then did a few during the pandemic, and now he sort of gets it, it’s just talking to people. Which is sort of an explanation, I guess.

Lee/Zaltzman is a relatively rare but interesting combination. They’re weirdly similar in a few ways, wildly different in others, they fit together quite well in a few ways, and not at all in others. When they talk to each other, there’s a strong sense that they quite like each other, but are also both very uncomfortable. In a Taskmaster podcast episode that was discussing season 5, Ed Gamble once pointed out that it’s weird to know Mark Watson and Alex Horne have been friends for years, because every time they interact on screen, it seems like they’re meeting for the first time. Nish Kumar replied: “No, it’s like they’re meeting for the second time, and something really bad happened the first time.” That’s the best description I’ve heard that captures how fucking awkward it feels to hear Andy Zaltzman and Stewart Lee try to interact with each other. It’s not a perfect comparison because they’re not Alex Horne/Mark Watson level of close friends, but they clearly like each other, and this somehow does not translate to any ability to have a natural-sounding conversation in a professional setting. It’s fucking great and I could listen to it all day.

I based this on the three times I’ve heard them interact, separated by approximately ten-year intervals. One is when Andy Zaltzman came on Stewart Lee’s radio show in July 2003, which I think is the earliest recording I’ve ever heard of Andy Zaltzman. Then you have Andy Zaltzman’s bits on Stewart Lee’s Alternative Comedy Experience, from 2013, in which Andy did some stand-up bits and some interviews with Stewart. Then there’s this Bugle episode from 2021. So it’s not quite perfectly spaced out, but it looks like approximately every ten years, Andy Zaltzman and Stewart Lee sit down in a room somewhere, have a really awkward conversation, and record and publish it.

From those previous interactions, I learned that Andy Zaltzman opened for Stewart Lee in Andy’s very early days, and that they lived together during the Edinburgh Festival in 2005, during which Stewart Lee was amazed by Andy Zaltzman’s ability to spent absolutely all of his time watching sports. This was discussed during Andy Zaltzman’s phase of finding every joke he possibly could that compared sports to religion (I have a recording on my phone of Andy Zaltzman saying “May the sport have mercy on your soul” during a Bugle episode from the 2012 Olympics, and a couple of months ago I played it before watching final matches at the national championships, which I thought was a hilarious thing to do), and he expressed sympathy that “You don’t have sport in your heart, Stewart”, and therefore Stewart Lee has to just walk around experiencing the real world instead of escaping into this fake one. I have never heard anyone who understands the purpose of sports (or, possibly, religion) as well as Andy Zaltzman.

In this Bugle episode, they talked a bit more about early times Andy Zaltzman and Stewart Lee worked together, when they went on tour together in 2000. Stewart Lee got in a dig at Avalon (which he did not mention by name, but did tell Andy it was “the management company you’re still with”, with an amazing amount of disdain in his voice), saying they’d failed to properly organize that tour, by, among other things, not telling the venues that Stewart Lee had a support act. So they’d get places and no one would know Andy was supposed to perform, and often this meant he didn’t perform, so Andy Zaltzman didn’t so much open for Stewart Lee in 2000, as just follow him around the country for a few weeks.

I find that interesting, as it’s a very early version of Andy Zaltzman, pre-Zaltzman and Oliver, even. Andy Zaltzman did his first solo Edinburgh show in 2001 (which got nominated for Best Newcomer, so it can’t have been bad, but from the way he’s described that show since, it was definitely before he’d figured out what he wanted to do with his comedy), and the first time he performed at that festival at all was in 1999, when he was a finalist in the So You Think You’re Funny thing with Josie Long, Russell Howard, David O’Doherty, and Jimmy Carr. Which David O’Doherty won. This is veering off topic, I just think it’s an interesting bit of history. John Oliver did his first solo Edinburgh show in 2002, where he and Andy appeared in each other’s shows doing little bits, and just after that they started hosting Political Animal together and after that they did joint shows. So that puts it in context a bit. 2000 was before Zaltzman and Oliver, before Andy Zaltzman had figured out where his comedy was going, he followed Stewart Lee around the country in a wildly disorganized tour.

I sort of knew most of that already, and I also knew that Stewart Lee quit stand-up for a few years, in between his “double act with Richard Herring” era, and his “King of alternative comedy” era. The new thing I learned from this Bugle episode was that it was during that mess of a tour with Andy that Stewart Lee decided to quit comedy. He told that story on The Bugle, to which Andy replied, “I have that effect on people.” Which I enjoyed hearing, because I made that exact joke in a post I made last week, about how it’s a good thing Andy Zaltzman learned that he has pitch-perfect chemistry with John Oliver and got himself into that double act and then held onto it for as many years as he possibly could even when one person moved across an ocean, because Andy Zaltzman is so fucking awkward that this wouldn’t work with anyone else. Case in point, Daniel Kitson’s story about how he once chopped the head off a pig just because that seemed less uncomfortable than just hanging out with Andy Zaltzman for an evening, and sure Kitson said that incident occurred because of other stuff, but I’m pretty sure Andy Zaltzman just has that effect on people, making things so awkward that they have to chop up farm animals or quit comedy.

I often don’t quite know what to make of Stewart Lee, I think I’ve only recently started to figure it out a bit. I only watched him for the first time about a year ago, saw his Comedy Vehicle thing and all his DVDs/specials. It’s very funny, it’s definitely very funny. But I couldn’t tell how much of it he meant. At first I thought he really was that abrasive, and then I worked out that it’s clearly completely a character, he never means anything he says. I then slowly saw and heard enough other things by him to come back around to seeing that at least some of it does come from reality, but an exaggerated version of it.

He did an excellent two-hour interview on the Comedian’s Comedian podcast, which cleared up a lot of my questions about how real the character is. I also heard him on the WTF podcast, which tells you just how interested I was in hearing Stewart Lee talk while not “in character” on stage, because I cannot stand Mark Maron. But it was a really interesting hour of hearing Stewart Lee talk about his history and intentions and where he’s coming from, so it was worth listening to Maron for a bit. In the last few months I’ve also heard some other performances by Stewart Lee, when he was just on stage and not being filmed for TV or anything, they were quite different and it sort of bridges the gap between the guy on the DVDs and a vaguely real person. I think I can sort of put all that together to have some idea of where Stewart Lee is coming from.

Anyway, I say all that because it made me find this episode of The Bugle extra interesting, that it’s another side of Stewart Lee, one I haven’t heard very much before. Stewart Lee not “in character” on stage, also not doing his own thing or talking about himself, but trying to fit into someone else’s format. It was quite awkward, and very entertaining.

A big part of Stewart Lee’s persona is it’s really hard to tell when he’s being sincere, so this episode was interesting for the amount of sincerity it featured. Like this exchange, in which every word from Stewart Lee sounded disarmingly sincere, Andy Zaltzman sounded caught off guard by his serious response to a joke, and there was a forced change in the tone of the discussion because Stewart Lee was genuinely upset:

Andy Zaltzman: So for 1.1 billion dollars, you could either save the Congo Basin Rainforest, or you could get the broadcast rights for three months of Premier League football. So, I mean it shows how seriously we’re taking this shit now.

Stewart Lee: Is that true?

Andy Zaltzman [laughing]: Yeah.

Stewart Lee [not laughing at all]: That is the most depressing thing, I… I… God. I… that’s not, that’s just…

Andy Zaltzman: I know you’re a sport skeptic, of course, Stewart…

Stewart Lee: No, but… just the thought that… if you stopped three months football, you could save an entire rainforest…

I cannot emphasize enough how much Stewart Lee was not kidding here, they had to awkwardly change the topic. Felicity Ward jumped in to say it doesn’t work that way, because the pandemic stopped football for three months and the rainforest didn’t get saved, and it sounded like she was saying it just to calm Stewart Lee down a bit because this fact had upset him so much (she was right, obviously money spent on football doesn’t just get sent straight to the rainforest when games are canceled so this wouldn’t happen on a practical level, but still, it could theoretically happen).

Throughout the episode Lee didn’t seem quite able to match the tone that everyone else was taking, and Andy Zaltzman isn’t great at modulating his tone to match a guest’s at the best of times, so the whole thing was a delightfully mismatched mess. He kept cutting through Andy’s irony, which is weird, because irony is normally Stewart Lee’s whole thing, shouting at audiences but not really meaning it and things like that. But in this podcast episode, it’s like he was told this is a real-life conversation, and he was determined to make it that way, pointing out the reality behind jokes that rather rely on not having their reality pointed out. At one point, Stewart Lee responded to one of Andy Zaltzman’s jokes with the words “I know you’re making a satirical point, but…”, and just those words made me laugh out loud because they perfectly encapsulated the conversation, as he went off on another explanation about how actually though, this is the way things should be, like for real.

I’ve said before that I really enjoy the running joke about Andy Zaltzman’s lack of knowledge of pop culture, celebrity culture, or other bullshit things that surround anything like that. This comes up a lot when they get younger Bugle co-hosts on, and they enjoy talking about Lil’ Nas X or whatever and seeing Andy genuinely confused. One time Andy made a Black Eyed Peas reference in an episode with Nish Kumar on it, and Nish immediately demanded “How do you know about the Black Eyed Peas?”, sounded genuinely indignant, like that reference was a betrayal of who he knew Andy Zaltzman to be. Like Andy Zaltzman is meant to be the oasis of not following any of that kind of bullshit, and if he starts knowing about Black Eyed Peas, then nowhere is safe. Andy explained that he didn’t know who they were and had just looked stuff up for that joke and one of their songs came up, and I shared the relief in Nish’s voice when he said “Oh, good.”

Given that, I find it hilarious that in this case, Stewart Lee managed to out-“clueless about pointless bullshit” Andy Zaltzman, by saying to Andy late in the episode: “Can I just say that you asked us to look at the following headline: ‘Squid Game Crypto-Currency Scammers Vanish with 3.3 Million’, and then the sub-heading for it was: ‘Crypto Coin-Riding Squid Game High Craters After Dizzying Rally.’ I don’t know what any of that is about. I don’t know what any of it means. I don’t know what crypto-currency is. I don’t really know what Squid Game is, I suspected it was some game that Boris Johnson used to play at Eton. But I don’t really know what that is, and I didn’t really think there was time for me to understand it, and then have a funny opinion about it.”

At the end, Felicity Ward plugged the stuff she was working on, which she explained was a trilogy: one show about pregnancy, one about childbirth, and one about new parenthood. “Wow. That is an extremely ambitious and worthwhile thing to do. I mean, it’s really great. And it flies in the face of contemporary trends, of reducing all comedy content to a shareable seven-second clip. To come out of the gate of this with a Dune-style trilogy, it’s really impressive. Congratulations.”

That’s something that the character of Stewart Lee would get very upset about, shouting at the audience about reductive contemporary comedy trends, and last year, I’d have seen him do that and said “Okay, that’s a character he’s playing.” But this was said with 100% sincerity, and everything else aside, I have so much respect for that opinion. I’ve worked out that some of the underlying bits of the Stewart Lee character are real, like the respect for the history that created today’s comedy landscape and anger about people’s ignorance of it, and the disrespect for short shareable clip-able bullshit. Both opinions that I happen to strongly share and enjoy hearing him express, especially when he’s out of character and clearly means it. I mean, I’m not particularly interested in a comedy trilogy about pregnancy and childbirth and parenthood, because it’s not my favourite topic. But if Felicity Ward ever comes out with a trilogy on just about any other subject, I’ll check it out. (And to go off topic again, if anyone is for some reason interested in other trilogies by comedians who appear on the Bugle, Alice Fraser has an absolutely excellent one available to download for free.)

Stewart Lee also made a bunch of News Quiz references throughout the episode; a show that had been hosted by Andy Zaltzman for a year or so by then. Meaning I’ve heard about a year’s worth of Bugle episodes from after Andy started hosting the News Quiz, and Bugle guests reference Andy’s News Quiz hosting very occasionally, but not often. Stewart Lee referenced it a bunch of times in one episode, comparing Andy on The Bugle to Andy on the News Quiz, even though I’m fairly sure Stewart Lee has not appeared on the News Quiz since Andy started hosting it (he’s been on it a bit in the past, but not recently, I don’t think), so this wasn’t a job or anything, he clearly just actually listens to the News Quiz and that’s what he thinks about when he sees Andy Zaltzman. Which is pretty cool.

I think when I started this post I meant for it to build toward some sort of point, but I now can’t remember what that point was. The point is that I enjoyed Stewart Lee’s appearance on The Bugle. And I’m sorry that people keep spending money on soccer instead of rainforests.

[gloriagoeson]

2022.12.27

Hard to retrospect what’s been done the whole day. Maybe it’s due to I’m aged. Hhh.

Foremost, I wrote a monthly memoir on what I’d done during these days. It’s up to 5000 words. Stunning, bravo, or whatever such like adjectives used to it, all would be fine. As a successor to it is the one I’m writing. From now on, the diary tradition is back.

Other achievement I made was completing the Coursera lesson Feminism and Social Justice by Bettina Aptheker. Honestly, I was a little disappointed, as it’s more about basic conceptions and historical facts rather than advanced theory and intriguing deep thoughts. Well, there is some credit to it speaking of English listening. And a nice sleeping assistant, except for while the professor was clearing her throat.

Goddamn neighbor coughed loudly again! And I was awakened again! God curse him and wish him all the worst! Amen!

Watched S3E5 of All Creatures Great and Small! Couldn’t avoid crying one more time. The delicate and complex bond between Mrs. Hal and her son Edward is touching and regretful. However, in addition to family intimacy scenes, I still felt uncomfortable with how the series depicted Mrs. Hal, Mr Siegfried and their roles in the family. Mrs. Hal, the housekeeper, did all housework like cooking, cleaning, picking phones. Yeah, I know they’re what a housekeeper ought to do. But apparently she was working all the time, longer than any of the male characters in the house. There were gaps for her to take Jesse out for a walk. But those were disproportionate compared to her working hours. With the emotional comfort and communication helps she provided, she was like a mom, and a quite good one with wisdom and love. At the same time, Mr Siegfried was the kind of typical working father who earned the bread and was bad at expressing love. He was trying to improve, but easy to be ignited. While he showed gratitude to Mrs Hal’s work and value, he did nothing really helpful to lessen her burden like controlling his temper, doing some chores or at least picking the ringing phone right beside him. I understand that some comments find them cute and sweet, but I think we can expect more for a couple mode relationship. Hohoho, feel better to write it down than keep it to myself.

Started with my annual review. Quickest to come up briefs with podcasts. Easy to go through with music and reading. Needed more time to consider and enlarge details of other subjects. Temporarily, I listed sleeping, writing and good things unexpected. I’m sure there must be things I’ve missed. But I’m not in a hurry to catch them at once. I believe they’ll come to me during my writing in coming days before new year.

[xtrablak674]

Friendship Break Ups [volume 1 maybe]

Listening to NPR's Embodied Podcast about Black Men and Masculinity they mentioned friendship breaks ups, as I did my yoga this morning I was thinking about recent friend breaks ups and older ones, and in some instances I was the breakee and in other instances I was the broken. Meaning I broke up the friendship versus the friendship was broken by the other party.

It might enlighten me about my struggles with friendships later in life, which according to the news and podcast isn't just a me thing, but an everybody thing. Most things in life even if a lot of people are going through the same issue, don't feel universal, they feel personal.

There are three sides to a story, your version, their version and the truth. I can only provide my version and my understanding of why the friendship ended whether the reasons were explicit or vague.

I will be listing peoples government names, because this blog is a digital obituary and no need to be vague when telling the truth. I am currently still here and its best to attempt to be as honest as possible as how I think events played out.

Beraldo Vazquez [broken]

Mr. Vazquez I have known each other since 1985 if the life events in my spreadsheet are correct. We met at P.S. 89 curiously my third elementary school, after Uriah Hill and Our Savior Lutheran. This was the year after my mom had died, I had started elementary in Peekskill and finished in the Bronx first with a parochial school, which didn't work out and finally a public school.

Beraldo and I bonded over our mutual love of wrestling, comic books and superheroes. I can't recall specifically how we met, but my grandparents home was located on the same block as P.S. 89 so he had followed me home a few times since I was so close to the school.

I have no idea what my grandmother thought about him, her being low-key racist, albeit he was and always will be Puerto Rican. I found that out when I wanted to go back to Peekskill to have an overnight with my friend Robert who was whyte and she wouldn't have it, but would let me go stay over Bayron's house who wasn't as good a friend but quite Black.

Anyhow we became fixtures at each others houses over the next four years, so much so that his moms called me her 'good son' and him the 'bad son'. I know that this chapped his ass to no extent, but Diane realized, me losing my mom so young that I needed a new maternal figure and she embraced the role as she embraced me. Even after she passed I have maintained a connection to the family become quite close with her second youngest grandchild who will be visiting me in a couple of weeks.

Our friendship was always adversarial, like siblings we had the unique ability to get under each others skins and would constant pick at each other from ranking on one another to snide comments. It was one of these comments I made right after Diane had passed that severed our relationship. I don't think he's talked to me since and that was around the mid-aughts.

It would be decades before I learned more about his emotional state at the time from our sister Michelle who shared her own very public fights with the 'bad son', I had no clue it had been so bad. I knew that he adored the ground that mom walked on and maybe I could have been a bit more tactful, but tact wasn't the basis of our relationship.

Curiously me and Michelle became much closer and during my sabbatical three years ago right after my last parent died and my lodgings in Baja fell through I came and stayed with her for two months and got reacquainted with her kids making the deepest impact with her youngest child who was obviously queer and questioning their gender. I think I non-verbally, through my example gave the child permission to be themselves.

Janice Ashe [breakee]

I met Ms. Ashe through the support group for caregivers taking care of folks with dementia, we were the two youngest in the group and also were both taking care of grandparents unlike everyone else whom was taken care of a parent.

I had started in the group a few months prior to the pandemic starting, so we had maybe eight or nine meeting together in the Brooklyn Public Library before moving the meetings to Zoom. Ms. Ashe and I started with correspondence via email and then moved to text and got closer sharing our experiences until our grandmothers died, I think her grandmother proceeded mines by a few months.

For a while I found consolation in this relationship with this professional young mother of two and new homeowner. But there was a big part was missing for me, we literally never saw each other since the group had went digital and I had left it. Unlike some of my other friendship in which I was separated from the person by time zones, we both lived in Brooklyn. Albeit she had a lot on her plate, I thought it was possible for us to attempt some meet ups.

The second big reason for me to let go of this friendship was her unresolved issues with the father of her children. This aspect more or less overwhelmed the friendship. Having learned from the past I attempted to be more delicate in how I expressed my misgivings about him coming up in nearly every conversation. I was editing text messages about children pick ups for her, and even put together a deck for her visitation case in court.

He was like the third party in the friendship who frankly I never wanted and got to the point where I had to let her go, because her issues with him was something that would take time for her to work through. I couldn't be there in the long-haul for her to move on totally and completely from him, I needed to give him and her a lot of distance.

Loni Berry [broken]

This is the most puzzling person on this list. Mr. Berry and I worked together back in the mid-nineties on a Public Theatre production of Big Momma 'N 'Em starring Phyllis Yvonne Stickney an up and coming talent who would subsequently sabotage all of her opportunities and fall into obscurity.

We had reconnected via Facebook I think in the mid to late tens. I then got on this app called Line which was popular in Eastern Asian countries. We would go on walks together digitally, have many video calls and even screen-sharing when he needed technical support. He was living in Thailand running a theatre he had started.

Every time he came through the city we would meet up even at odd hours of the night. Mr. Berry had always been a role model type to me since he was old enough to be a young uncle. I think I had always given him appropriate deference to his age and experience and had come to rely on him as a trusted person to consult on in complex emotional matters.

The pandemic changed everything, he lost the theatre and his mom had dementia which was progressing, he came back to the states to take a few month-long shift in her care. He had finally finished his shift and was heading back to Thailand and was going to be staying with his doctor friend in Bedstuy, I was waiting for him to contact me and never heard from him.

Its probably been close to a year since that time and I am still confused on why he never got in touch. The only thing I could think that I shared with a girlfriend was maybe he was jealous of my weight-loss, or possibly my recent inheritance? I had no clue, there were no indicators, we joked with each other quite a bit, but I don't think I had did something to offend him.

[Sometimes you won't get resolution or clarity about a situation, it just comes to an end with no discernible notice and that is what happened here.

This list is worth continuing but I think for now I will stop with these three. Each case is so unique, and in the instance I was the breakee, I felt bad, but I couldn't settle for a friendship that wasn't meeting the needs I had for a relationship, and that is basic fellowship. There is something different about spending time with someone in person versus always interacting virtually and I wanted more than digital interactions.

In the other instances, one I wasn't clear about what happened, the other I was but didn't think the permanent severance was necessary. But we're all adults and we choose who we wish to have in our lives which is our right. But sometimes I think was the offense worth the punishment? I don't know, but I know as we grow and change our needs do to, and sometimes also our friends.]

[Photo by Brown Estate]

[smithqjohns]

Amy Sedaris, Gary Gulman and Paul F. Tompkins.

(Was too far away to get good pics…)

We had a lot less busy summer than usual (well besides summers during COVID times), but in September, in the span of a week, we saw three events. Two of them I’ll talk about here.

The first was a recording of the national radio show, Live Wire. But I’d like to start with talking about the dinner ahead of time. We had a delicious meal at a Vietnamese place called Thom, right next to the Alberta Theatre. I highly recommend. Very good food. Anyway, while we were there a woman was sitting with a couple. The restaurant is small, but regardless this woman was obnoxiously loud and talkative. The way she talked she sounded very dumb and needy. My girlfriend and I finished our meal without even talking to each other because the woman was so loud we couldn’t hear ourselves think. Now my brain is very sensitive to this type of thing (piercing hyper frequencies) but the fact that it kept my girlfriend quiet is pretty telling, because she’s always talking. So we finished, bellies full, left, and went to the theater nearby. We were very excited because it was a very unique night of guests. Along with two great comedians (Gulman and Tompkins) we also wanted to attend it because it included one of our favorite local bands (Family Worship Center). There was a fourth guest as well, a woman that we had never heard of. Surely with this line up of quirky guests we would enjoy her too, especially considering she was an astrophysicist. The fourth guest? Sarafina El-Badry Nance - The obnoxious woman from the restaurant. Since her voice was painful to my brain I had to exit during her interview, and while I was standing out back Paul F. Tompkins walked by me, which was a little startling considering I spend a couple of hours a day listening to podcasts and I’ve heard him speak for hundreds of hours. But back to the rest of it. There was a house band that intro’d the event with a performance of Radio Radio by Elvis Costello, the female drummer doing the vocals. It was great. The comedians also were great, but my favorite part was Paul F. Tompkins in the back right behind us, during Gary Gulman’s set laughing with that great recognizable laugh that I’ve heard a million times before (but I’d never heard it in person like this, and at one of my favorite comedians). I think it was Tompkins first time hearing Gulman, but I could be wrong.

The second event, five days later, was an evening with Amy Sedaris, and we took the Thirteen Year Old with us because she loves the show At Home with Amy Sedaris.

This week was pretty cool for me because all of the three mentioned comedians are some of my favorites.

Amy is legend to me and one of my all-time biggest crushes.

Gary Gulman is a top five for me in regards to best stand up comedians I’ve seen live, out of hundreds.

Paul F. Tompkins is on numerous podcasts I listen to and on some of the funniest episodes of one of the funniest podcasts I’ve ever heard (Comedy Bang Bang), and of course from the classic Mr. Show…

A good week…

[safereturndoubtful]

The wind grows heavy on the borderline

Thursday 13th July

The border in question is the strait between Mainland and Yell which I crossed on Wednesday evening, after a calm in some squally weather.

A rainy morning had led to little physical activity other than a journey on foot up to the renovated house that I had admired for two days. No one was there, and no sign of any recent activity. It’s not in as advanced a state as I thought, though the roof has been repaired. It is a superb place to live. To get to it, it is necessary to drive along the beach initially, so at low tide.

On leaving the North Roe peninsula I pulled in at North Collafirth marina to fill up with water. From my experience in Scandinavia last autumn marinas offer useful services, not only for boats, but for campervans as well. Up there, it was necessary to pay to use their facilities on an app, GoMarina, but here it is all done through an honesty box.

There was a shower, and also laundry facilities. Though I didn’t need the latter just yet, with the rain falling, such an opportunity couldn’t be missed. I spent a couple of hours cleaning the interior of the van, and after two hours, emerged refreshed.

Then it was via the Co-Op in Brae to the ferry terminal at Toft for the 20 minute crossing to Yell. Two boats service the crossing, and at this time of year, high season, there’s one every half hour. There’s a charge on the outward journey only, £16 for me, judged as less than 5.5 metres in length, by the crew’s trained eye. I am actually 5.9 metres, and the cost should be £23.

My destination was only 20 minutes from the terminal on Yell, West Sandwick beach, and its carpark, just a few metres from the beach.

We stayed here for two nights, and on the Thursday hiked around the peninsula to the south, the Ness of West Sandwick. This was a 3 hour, 5.5 mile excursion that began on the rugged ocean coast, climbed to the high point of 50 metres, then returned on the leeward side, passing this imposing house that puts me in mind of one of my favourite books, Elspeth Barker’s O Caledonia, in which young Janet suffers a miserable childhood in a strict Scottish Presbyterian household. (In the photo below)

Though I was the only campervan at the parking for two days, a few walkers visited during the days. When I arrived, in heavy rain and wind, there was a couple camped in a tent on the beach. They were from Durham, and in day 27 of a 700 mile hike around Shetland’s coastline. They agreed with me about how much a pain crossing the fences were, but said they had spoken to a few farmers, who had said that it was no problem to cross them, which surprised me. There is access to all of the coastline, but it’s just not very easy walking in a few places.

A couple of very friendly Shetland ponies just next to the beach and my park-up..

A guy originally from Carlisle lived with his terrier in a small house at the top of the road, and was down a few times to chat over the couple of days. There’s a real mix of nationalities amongst the population here, and they are very welcoming. The international feel is enhanced by tourists also; there aren’t very many, but they are from a huge variety of places.

It made this poem even more poignant.. I try not to get political here, but just occasionally something grates..

Paint over Mickey Mouse 
Burn Where the Wild Things Are
Pulverise the lego 
Set fire to the Christmas tree star. 
Seize all the teddies 
Bury every skipping rope
Paint the walls dark brown 
Abolish all hope.

(Michael Rosen)

During one of the periods of rain I read a piece with various recommendations of podcasts, and decided that instead of listening to just whatever next happens to come on the radio, I would try some of these.. at least between test matches.

Here’s a few that I thought looked of interest..

Cautionary Tales with Tim Harford (his More or Less show for Radio 4 is very good)

Second Captains (sport)

The Evolution of Horror

70 mm - on movies

Local Anaesthetic - weird and funny news

Blank Check - movies

Chart Music - deconstruction on individual Top of the Pops episodes

The History of Rock in 500 Songs

Song Exploder

The Alexei Sayle Podcast

The Rest is Politics - with Rory Stewart and Alastair Campbell (latest episode with Fergal Sharkey instead Stewart)

The News Agents

Mystery Show

Revisionist History with Malcolm Gladwell

Backlisted - giving new life to old books

Ask Any Buddy

Classic Ghost Stories - the story, followed by a deconstruction of it

Slow News

Welcome to Night Vale - a fiction podcast which is a sort of dark humour with a good music soundtrack, I’ve listened to the first three episodes (there are currently about 270) and it’s reeling me in.

Desert Island Dicks - the worst people and the worst things to be stranded on and island with

[tmisaccidentreportbook]

MAG008, Burned Out

Case #0071304, Ivo Lensik Release date: April 9, 2016 First listen: 14th October. Out on the morning feed, I remember walking through the matrix

Wonderful title this one, considering my mental state at the time. All of our mental states really. As I’ve said, this podcast came to me in a period of my life where I was white knuckling it. And it was going to get harder. I’d made it through the lock down so far, and I my opinion I was relatively unscathed. But I think others could tell differently, others that knew me, others that reached out. And one of those out reached hands was a gentle suggestion of ‘hey, do you wanna give this podcast a go?’ I was dangerously close to burn out myself. Wouldn’t crash for another month or so, but the wick was getting low.

- But bloody Hill Top Road. In so many ways, where it began. Where it crawled into this world and took root. One hell of a cursed piece of real estate.

- I have no qualms with how Ivo is written, but I do have a question of sorts. Ivo works in construction, plumbing and electrics, and has been brought in on a job as ‘the guy they had doing the wiring had been called for jury duty and they’d lost him for a couple of weeks, so they asked me to step in.’… Now, I want to preface this with the assumption that ‘they had doing the wiring’ indicates that the job has been started and Ivo was coming in to carry on…. Is that allowed?!

– I only ask because I am currently living in a house of dust sheet and bare plaster, I would not have known this a year ago, but you learn thing during home renovating. I don’t now if there is different criteria on new builds, but once the electrician contracted to work on my place, only he could finish it. Only he could sign off the work being complete. Which came as an embuggerance when he’d told me that the job should take 2 weeks and I naively thought that meant he’d be done in 2 weeks, when in reality it was 2 weeks worth of work spread out over about 3 months as his gaffer pulled him from job to job. But once he started, we couldn’t have anyone else touch it. Maybe it’s a different thing with a new build and there may be teams working on a site. I’ll have to ask my Dad.

- The tree. The treeeee…. What does it mean?! Annabelle! What does it meeeeean? This is more than likely me over reaching, and for an atheist, I seem to find a heck of a lot of religious parallels and imagery in stuff, but I had a wee baby theory on the tree. Tree – apple tree? Or at the very least, apple in the box under the tree – apple, typically considered the stand in for the ‘Forbidden Fruit’ of Eden – the MacGuffin in the first manipulation? - The Web? It’s a reach. Yeah, don’t get me started on religious, more accurately Christian, imagery and parallels I keep seeing. I’ve got a who theory on Daisy and Jon being inverted Adam and Eve figures. I’ll get there one day.

- Raymond Fielding. You old recluse. Tan coat, unassuming. It becomes a bit more concrete in a later statement, but do you know what a brown recluse spider looks like? Tan. Unassuming. Interestingly, has fewer pairs of eyes than the average spider species, 3 pairs rather than 4.

- The phantom smell of burning is a fascinating one in this case, because it could so easily get bundled off as a mental symptom, such as the olfactory hallucinations one might have while suffering a stroke. Even though we know in hindsight that The Desolation has just as much as a grip on the site as The Web, because the statement giver is so on the look out for any signs of mental health decline, it is misattributed.

- Fractals. Ah yes, hello Michael. The Distortion. I think it’s our first mention of The Throat Of Delusion Incarnate.

- And then comes the fall at work and I want to go on the record that since my fall I have gone and logged it with the correct people at work and it has been recorded and the whole office now knows of my shame. They were saying I need to be monitored. I did not knock myself out though, I did not require assistance to the same extent as Ivo. Does lone working still suck? Yes. Do I perhaps have a think piece percolating at the back of my brain about the archival staff and self neglect that maybe holding up a little bit of a mirror to my own issues? Yeah, maybe. I’m working on myself, I’ll get there. Got certain folks doing their damnedest to make sure of that.

- Again, as Annie tells the history of the place, getting a lot of religious alarm bells. Raymond Fielding, a ‘devout churchgoer’, the halfway house on operating on ‘behalf of the local diocese’. The fact that the archival team couldn’t exactly pin down which denomination that diocese was exactly making it all the more suspect. Did Raymond allow the residents to get into trouble on purpose? Did he not provide support and care so the transient youth would cause trouble, manipulating their behaviour to alienate themselves from the local community, so no one cared or looked too close when they started to disappear? Believing they’d ‘moved on’? Seeing it as a blessed relief as things quieted down and not asking questions? And I don’t really want to think too hard about how seemingly unregulated homes like this one could become a hot bed of abuse, even without the influence of an Avatar running it.

- Relistening to the introduction of Agnes threw me. ‘Mousy brown pigtails’? I beg your pardon, what? She’s a redhead, we know this. Don’t we? I admit, I joined the fandom long after the fan art had formed a homogeneous look for the core cast. I still love the variety I see in the fan art, but I don’t think I’ve ever seen a piece with Agnes that doesn’t have her as a redhead.

- Agnes did scare me when she was first introduced, this child appearing like Damian out of ‘The Omen’. Surviving in that house alongside Raymond even as the other youths vanished one by one. I think I felt like she was holding him captive, and indeed she was, only in hindsight I want to thank her for it. But then out living Raymond and becoming a shut in that stares out of windows. That gets blamed for pets disappearing. That doesn’t have anyone come to her aid when the house goes up in flames because a boy goes missing and there’s no evidence. Was this another machination of The Web? Was it somehow feeding on the small pets and Henry White, only to then turn the rumours of the Avatar of The Desolation that had a hold on it some how.

- The charred remains of Raymond Feilding, missing a hand, that presumably is the one found tied round waist of one Agnes Montague some 30 years later. Has to be a hand though doesn’t it. Can’t be a puppet master without a hand.

- There are a few Entities that lend themselves to religion and cults and I think for all their grappling, The Web and The Desolation are two of those that go the hardest. The Dark is definitely in there too. I think The Desolation seeks to preach its’ own doctrine, and The Web seeks to manipulate the fervour already there.

- Letting a Catholic priest onto an active build site. Has Father Burroughs reported to the site manager? Has he signed in? Has he been issued with appropriate PPE? I’ve been on too many construction sites over the last few months for this to slide. Is he wearing a hard hat?

- Also, Annie, this feels a little ‘breaching of patient confidentiality’ and ‘medical ethics’.

- ‘Blood flowing from the wounded tree’. Anyone else seen Tim Burton’s ‘Sleepy Hollow’?

- The wooden box under the tree, described as carved with patterns. Like those of the table in MAG003?

- A single green apple, you’re not diminishing my whole ‘Eden Apple’ crack theory here...

- Did up rooting the tree… do something? I mean, it clearly was a trigger of some sort, the heat stops and Agnes seems to have perished at the same moment, but what precisely is happening here? What horcrux, lich’s phylactery nonsense is going on here? Was the tree a stopper in the bottle neck and now something is loose? Just checked and, yup, Hill Top Road is a real street. Street view doesn’t want to let me see No. 105 though.

- ‘Father Burroughs made his own statement.’ If memory serves, that one’s a doozy.

- ‘Two families have lived in the house since this statement was originally made but no further manifestations have been reported on Hill Top Road.’… Imagine being in that house October 18, 2018, when the world snapped. Which was the 4th Anniversary 2 days ago. Cursed times.

[trustkosher]

Aim sucks on shotgun farmers

Aim sucks on shotgun farmers movie#

Aim sucks on shotgun farmers tv#

The Englishman Who Went Up A Hill But Came Down A Mountain. Set Fire to the Stars IMDB - An aspiring poet in 1950s New York has his ordered world shaken when he embarks on a week-long retreat to save his hell raising hero, Dylan Thomas.

Aim sucks on shotgun farmers movie#

The movie is mostly in English with parts in Welsh and Yiddish. Solomon & Gaenor IMDB - A tragic love story between a Jewish young man and a Welsh woman in the beginning of the century. Very Annie Mary IMDB - After her father suffers a stroke, his daughter is forced to take care of him. Patagonia IMDB - A young Welsh couple travel to Argentina to work on their relationship in Argentina. gay activists work to help miners during their lengthy strike of the National Union of Mineworkers in the summer of 1984. Rick Steves Europe - North Wales: Feisty and PoeticĪmerican Interior IMDB - In 1792, John Evans, a farmhand from Snowdonia travelled to America to discover whether there was a Welsh-speaking Native American tribe walking the Great Plains. Great Performances at the Met - Bryn Terfel & Friends in ConcertĬurious Traveler - Curious Southern Wales Live from the Artists Den - Marina And The Diamonds It would be great if PBS stations could have a ‘Wales night’ and dedicate a couple of hours to a travel documentary, a music special and maybe a movie. The Welsh are the 23rd largest ethnic group in the USA, but seemingly have very little representation. Would it be possible to add screen some of the following PBS shows or Welsh films on or around March 1st for St. For more information about CPB’s stewardship of the federal appropriation, you can view its Business Plan online: CPB’s commitment to funding diverse content creators is reflected in its longstanding investments in organizations such as the Independent Television Service (ITVS), the National Multicultural Alliance, the Firelight Media, Native Voice One, Urban Alternative, as well as support to individual producers and programs reflecting the diverse American experience. Within the statutory formula, CPB supports public radio and television stations, independent producers, and diverse informational, educational, and cultural content and services. Each year, CPB distributes the federal appropriation for the public media system in accordance with a statutory formula outlined in the Public Broadcasting Act. Note from CPB: Thank you for contacting the Corporation for Public Broadcasting (CPB) about CPB’s FY 2024 federal appropriation from Congress. Please stop this and just let us what your shows. There are plenty of podcasts to listen to while I'm doing housework.

Aim sucks on shotgun farmers tv#

I was listening to NPR before COVID and I've been watching TV more now, but I am NOT willing to go without myself just to watch your programming. I get it that you can't charge stations like WKAR even more for your programming. Maybe it helps you get by,but couldn't you at least be honest about it? Like maybe donations were $100 million to keep reporters all over hte world all the time and donations have fallen to $80 million since COVID, but couldn't you tell us just how bad it is and what you'd have to let go if you don't get the $20 million that you need? And I don't need to hear from Depak Chopra and some guy who does brain research mainly to suck money out of me to buy their products. I like Finding your Roots, but I don't need a summary of what Henry Louis Gates has already provided and I've seen.ĭo you think I have the power to give you some kind of award for providing these documentaries? I don't. Now i can't see a 60 minutes episode and for the same reason, you actually interrupt PBS News Hour for the same old, same old tune. I'm on a fixed income during a time of high inflation. I'm a green donor to my local station, WKAR in Lansing pre-empts some of some of my favorite shows, like 60 minutes in favor of ways for you to nag viewers to donate. Have I been asleep at the switchor are you increasing the number of fundraisers you incorporate into programming? In any case, I resent it.

[kodzuvii]

CLUB STUPID [24: yeah probably]

next [25: premarital hand holding]

PAIRING - SUNA x FEM!READER

GENRE - crack + fluff

warnings - spelling and grammar errors lol guys its 1am plz-

SYNOPSIS - Club Stupid, an anonymous podcast meant for the dumb and dumbest to send in unspoken and nonsensical thoughts about issues they face in their day to day lives and for Y/n to speak out and give her opinions and feelings. Normal feelings though, nothing romantic like how she thinks this lazy guy with questionable hair in the volleyball club is actually pretty cute.

a/n: as an executive member and proud representative of the suna simp club (jk lol idk) it is my duty, to keep my simps fed. you’re welcome. please listen to some cute wholesome shit. 

“Look at this Samu, Suna really his own breed, how does he manage to look more dead compared to how he usually looks”

“Well Tsumu, he ignored the same girl twice in the same week and also got confronted by her cousin who’s also his captain. Pretty sad if ya ask me”

The twins snickered to each other as they eyed the quiet middle blocker who stood by his locker. “Did you see his blocks today Tsumu? I was afraid I was gonna break his toothpick arms with my spikes” Osamu whispered but made it loud enough for Suna to hear. Atsumu nodded, “yeah Samu, totally lame if you ask me. Thank God Yn wasn’t watching him” he teased. “Oi,” Aran called out as he packed up his things on his back that was sitting on top of the benches inside of the boy’s change room. “Lay off of him will ya” he scolded but the pair shrugged and continued to change out of their practice clothes. 

“What’s even happening?” Akagi whispered and Riseki could only turn to him and mirror the same lost look on his face and give a clueless shrug. They both just sat back and watched the scene unfold in front of them. The twins were teasing and throwing indirect jabs and insults towards their middle blocker who looked as if he was going through an existential crisis with the dull look in his eyes. 

Suna was quiet, everyone knew that. Yet somehow in some way, everyone could feel his energy hit an all-time low. He still attended practice sure, but it was like practicing with a pole lamp. He just stood there and observed whatever was happening but even then, his mind was somewhere else. Of course, this didn’t go unnoticed by the coach who gave him an earful about the proper attitude to be having during their practices. Did he listen though? Nah. Listening to a lecture required too much effort. He was just tired and done for the day and the anxious and nervous feeling bubbling up inside of him wasn't helping either.

Suna was stupid. He knew that. His attention span outside of the court was never the biggest and his lack of energy never helped increase his intelligence. He was never the brightest in his class, and honestly, it never bothered him that he wasn’t. Everything he learned came through one ear and left the other. He retained the information for a test but simply forgot everything once it was over. He wasn’t the brightest, and it didn’t bother him not one bit.

What did bother him was his terrible habit of being oblivious towards other people’s feelings. Maybe it was due to his lack of energy or lack of interest, but he simply never put much effort into acknowledging how people felt. Yeah, he got vibes when people had on and off days, his teammates were the twins, you HAD to notice their mood swings and take necessary precautions. It just never occurred to him that more people could enter his bubble. A bubble that revolved around himself.

However, instead of someone finding a way to enter his fragile bubble without popping it, Suna willingly left his bubble when you came into the picture. It was no secret that Suna was whipped the moment his eyes laid on you. He’s been getting clowned about it ever since the twins found out and they never let a day go by without calling him a simp.

He had no clue what type of person you would be when you entered the doors of the Shiratorizawa gym. You looked sweet and bubbly, the smile you came in with never left your face unless you’d whine to your friends or roll your eyes at them. When you stepped into the room, people just naturally gravitated towards your positive energy and your good vibe. He liked that about you. Then again he still didn’t know anything about you at the time. All he knew was that you managed to attract his attention without even directly giving any to him. Every time he tried to look away and focus on whatever was happening in front of him, his eyes trailed back to you.

For a while after camp, you kept popping back in and out of his mind. It was quite ridiculous actually. He’d be taking a drink by the water fountains and he’d look over to the hallway and suddenly the first thoughts would be ‘what if I saw the redhead again?’ It never lasted long, maybe for a split second or two before he snapped himself out of it. He’d never see you again, what was he talking about? He was just being delusional.

So you could imagine the way his mind stopped functioning the night at the train station. Suna had to pinch himself 8 times when he saw you walk out of the train doors. ‘No way’ he thought. You, out of the 7 billion people in the world, was Kita’s cousin. He remembers seeing your tired face and your short stature clad in a big hoodie and loose sweatpants with your hair tied up. You were supposed to look like a mess, why did he keep thinking that you looked so pretty? This must’ve been the higher power playing a trick on him for slacking off during practice. So annoying.

Suna could keep his cool around school. You weren’t in the same classes meaning he didn’t see you at all. So you could imagine the kind of panic that crossed his mind when Kita told the team that he’d have his cousin staying in the gym. He learned later on that you started watching practices because Kita didn’t feel comfortable with you walking home. You were nice to the team, incredibly nice actually. Your easy-going nature made it easy for you to have a couple of conversations with his teammates here and there. While you were nice to Aran and Akagi, you had a little feisty attitude with the twins (mainly Atsumu) and he couldn’t help but admire how outspoken you were. You were blunt, to say the least. That was something you and Kita had in common. But he liked that about you, how you were always free to speak whatever was on your mind and keep a conversation going. 

Suna noticed early on that you rarely paid attention to their practice. He figured volleyball just wasn’t your thing and he couldn’t blame you for that. During water breaks, he’d glance up and watch you tuck back your hair and sometimes he’d catch you scratching your temple in annoyance because of some question you couldn’t answer on your homework. You never looked up, simply unphased by whatever was happening in front of you. 

Even so, he still put the smallest amount of extra effort into his practices. Jumping a bit higher and running a bit faster and spiking the ball with more force. He insisted that it was about time he would break some of his bad habits, but even the team knew that it was a sorry excuse. Truth be told, a little part of him was just hoping that if you ever looked up from your phone or your work in your lap, you’d see him and think that he looked at least a little bit cool. 

One day, on the rare occasion that he’d be listening in class, he remembers his teacher having a discussion with the class about an epiphany. 

The feeling of a sudden or striking realization that hits an individual out of nowhere.

It was late at night where Suna hit an epiphany. You were off to Miyagi, spending your weekend with your best friend and the Twins continued to bug him about his little first-year crush even though he had asked them multiple times to drop the topic. 

Suna came to the conclusion that he liked the way you made him feel. He liked the way he felt at ease when you were around him. He liked how you were so different compared to him, but it never stopped you from forming a friendship with him. You never pushed him to ever open up to you, you listened to the bare minimum he had to say and never took his lazy nature and blunt attitude to heart. He liked annoying you, the way your face would scrunch up when he’d take your bento’s the first couple times during your first initial lunch hangouts or the way you’d puff your cheeks when he comments on your height. He liked the way your eyes lit up when the smallest things caught your attention. He took notes on the songs you said you were currently listening too or the ones that reminded you about happy memories. 

Suna especially liked seeing you smile. Especially towards him. Something about it gave him the same feeling that was comparable to the way he would feel when he would see those jelly sticks on sale at the grocery store. The way you’d roll your eyes in playful annoyance when he'd come up to you and ask to bandage his fingers even though you both knew that he was capable of doing it himself. You would tease him, a playful smile gracing upon your lips, telling him that his fingers would probably break off if you weren’t there to bandage them up. Suna liked thinking that having you wrap them up made his hands feel a bit stronger with his blocks. But you didn’t need to know that.

He remembers a specific memory that lives rent-free in his mind. He was walking down the hallway, casually strolling and taking his time to get back to class after using the bathroom and he happened to notice you heaving a tired sigh as you closed the doors to your class. You looked quite frustrated, probably because it was your art class and you had been complaining days earlier about how creatively drained you were.

 Suna must’ve been looking at you for a moment too long because the moment your eyes met, he felt something tug at his chest by the way your eyes sparkled at the sight of him. Despite being under a little bit of stress, the same smile he grew to enjoy seeing made its way onto your lips and you waved to him excitedly before running up and rambling off about how much your class was pissing you off.

You two eventually got in trouble for skipping the whole period after being too caught up in your conversation. Suna thought it was worth it though.

After scrolling through his phone, listening to Atsumu’s obnoxious lovey-dovey playlist, and inevitably searching “how to know if you like or like like a girl” (there's a difference, he swears) on google. 

He came to his epiphany.

 Maybe before, when he barely knew you and you never knew him, maybe he was just infatuated with the idea of you. 

But it was different now, He liked you.

And that scared him.

It scared him how vulnerable he felt. Suna’s reserved and quiet nature gave him a hard time to open to others. Not that he really cared if he was being honest. He simply had the mindset that no one needed to know everything there was to his existence. Everyone eventually leaves anyways, what was the point?

When it sank into him that he liked you, it confused him endlessly. You never wanted to get out of his head and sooner or later he found himself doing the smallest things for you. The little black silk band was always on his wrist and if it wasn’t on his wrist, it would be tucked away in his pockets. Not to mention that he kept one in his pencil case for good measure. The bandaids inside in his backpack were sealed away in a ziplock bag just in case you ever got hurt because he knew you were a bit clumsy. He found himself keeping his eyes open for little souvenirs and trinkets that looked like something that you’d like wherever he went. 

At first, he thought that he just wanted to upgrade you from friend to best friend. Maybe this was a friendship that he had just been deprived of since his world revolved around constantly meaning to improve in volleyball. Yes, he did find comfort in the friendship he grew with you, but sooner or later he realized that he wanted more. The thoughts of holding your hand slipped into his mind and sooner or later hugging you from behind and resting his head on top yours flowed in followed by taking you back by peppering your smooth and soft cheeks with kisses. That wasn’t something that best friends did.

Kita was right about how his logic of ignoring you to suppress his feelings was stupid and that the worst things that could happen were that he’d get rejected. But he didn’t want to face the chance of him getting rejected, he’d like you for so long and he learned during his time spent away from you that he didn’t want to just stop talking to you. Suna knew himself, if he got rejected then he’d distance himself away from you and never talk to you ever again because the embarrassment would eat him up. 

He didn’t wanna lose you for that. He wasn’t ready. 

What a coward. 

He just really hoped you liked the flowers and read his note, he thought anything was better than a stupid “I’m sorry” text.

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* 

“Hurry up, I need to lock up the gym” Kita’s voice echoed throughout the walls as he stepped into the changeroom. Suna looked up from his phone, taking one last glance at your ‘see you soon :P’ text before shutting it off and shoving it into his pockets. As everyone began to leave one-by-one and bid their goodbyes to each other and their captain. The twins however didn’t leave until they both gave Suna a teasing punch on both of his shoulders. Suna only glared at them before proceeding to make his exit as well. 

Kita stopped Suna before he could exit and the look on his face seemed rather serious. With his voice low, Kita simply said “She needs to be back by 7. If she comes home hurt in any way, I’m benching you” he said sternly and that was enough for him to feel his skin crawl under his tracksuit jacket. Suna nodded, understanding that he really wasn’t kidding and that he definitely bench him. 

Kita turned around and opened the door for them both to leave the changerooms. They walked together side-by-side and from a distance, he could see your short figure walking up to both of them. You looked different today, your hair was sitting on your shoulders and a pair of gold-rimmed glasses he was yet to see was sitting on the bridge of your nose. You were clad in your uniform with an oversized pink knit cardigan overtop. Was that a new cardigan you were wearing? He’s never seen it before either. 

Kita smiled at the sight of you skipping up to them and he watched you two exchange high fives and he gave you a brief little speech about staying late. You nodded along and Suna stood by and watched Kita ruffle your hair making you whine cutely. 

He wanted to do that.

You waved goodbye to your cousin and Kita looked at Suna and gave him a firm nod before turning back and making his way towards the gym doors. You turned back and faced Suna, your hands behind your back as you made your way towards him with a warm smile. “Hey there” you greeted and stood in front of him, looking up so you could look at him clearly. Suna couldn’t help but look at you weirdly, why were you acting as nothing happened? Shouldn’t you be upset with him? “Hi, let’s go?” god, why was he so forward. 

You hummed and shook your head, making him furrow his eyebrows in confusion, “do you not wanna go anymore? I can drop you off if you want-” You rolled your eyes, “I don’t see you for a week and you’re already trying to get rid of me?” you questioned and narrowed your eyes at him. Suna felt his heart wrench as your lips pouted. 

He shook his head, “n-no” he stuttered. Your eyes perked up and you watch his cheeks heat up (potentially from embarrassment, but you're not going to assume) and look away. 

You chuckled and grabbed his wrist and pulled him to follow behind you. What made you so bold today? Probably from the unexpected pep talk you had with Goshiki that morning.

“You don’t need him Ln-senpai! If he thinks he can just look over you and all your greatness and beauty and not acknowledge how beautiful you are and how your very presence graces this dull world then send his ass to KFC! You are a woman senpai! A beautiful woman who deserves everything. Not a value menu that has a 20% off discount!”

Did his speech make sense? Sure. You’ll take it over Tendou’s “cut his dick off if he does you dirty queen” text message sent with the confetti effect on imessage followed by a bunch of knife emojis that was honestly more threatening rather than comforting.

You pulled him out of the gym and Shin gave you a look before shaking it off and locking up the gym doors. From the corner of your eyes, you could see the twins sending winks your way before snickering and walking off. You rolled your eyes and stopped when you reached the doors of the school. 

You turned around and faced Suna who looked very lost and confused. “Let’s not go to the convenience store today, let’s go somewhere else,” you say. Suna nodded slowly, “okay? Where do you wanna go?” he asked.

Just then, you lifted up your other hand and it was only then that Suna noticed you carrying a small pink lunch tote. You let go of his wrist and tucked some strands your hair behind you ear, “we haven’t had lunch together in a week and you had a meeting today again so we couldn’t do anything today either and well..” you trailed off and looked up at him and shrugged, “I figured we could make up for lost time” you muttered. 

Suna felt his chest tighten, not only because you were absolutely adorable and it was making him lose his mind, but it almost seemed like you were the one trying to apologize to him when you didn’t do anything wrong. He did.

You frowned as you looked at how subtly his face dropped. As upset as you were, you understood that he wasn’t ready to tell you whatever he was meaning to hide. He wasn’t obligated to tell you anything and you understand that. A small smile creeping up on your lips, “let’s go eat at the park near my house. The one we walk by all the time. Saves you the trouble of worrying if you’re gonna get home on time or not” you laughed slightly.

Suna couldn’t say no to you, so here were the two of you now. Eating and sitting in front of the other with the bento’s you had prepared on the table. The park was as busy as it usually would be during the afternoon. The atmosphere felt warm as the sky was slowly settling into hues of orange with peaks of pink seeping through. Suna watched you happily eat the bento you had prepared and listened attentively as you told him about everything he missed during your week and you did the same when he talked about his. 

A part of him couldn’t help but admire how pretty you looked in front of him. Suna was lying when he told the twins that you were a 7. You were beyond a 7 and beyond whatever scale they had given him. It was a rare sight to see you with your glasses and partnered with that oversized pink cardigan? You were adorable. 

You tilted looked up from your food and stopped mid-sentence when you saw him just look at you with what seemed to be a fond look in his eyes. But you could’ve just been mistaken, maybe you need to have your prescription checked again. “Rin, what’s wrong?” you asked. At the sound of his name, Suna blinked snapped back into reality and was met with your concerned look. “W-what?” You chuckled, “you zoned out Rin, everything okay?” you asked.

Rin.

He liked the way his name rolled off your lips. 

He shook his head, “I’m fine, sorry. This is really good by the way, I didn’t think you could cook” he said as an attempt to change the subject. You rolled your eyes but you looked away. “As much as I want you to believe I’m some great chef, Granny helped me with most of it” you confessed sheepishly. 

He chuckled and poked the sausage that was cut up into a little octopus with his chopsticks, “Well, you did tell me that you burned rice once so maybe I thought too highly of you to make a full meal” he teased. You scoffed and grabbed his bento, “if you’re not gonna appreciate the chef then you don’t deserve the food” you huffed. Suna rolled his eyes and grabbed yours, “guess I’ll have to eat yours then” he said and shoved some rice into his mouth. Your jaw dropped at his actions, “Hey!”

As the day went on, you both began to feel at ease and comfortable once again with each other's presence. The harmony that flowed around between you two was coming back and was settling into its familiar rhythm. You two continued to chat as if nothing happened. Laughing at anything and everything you found remotely hilarious under the sun. Suna felt warm. He was here, with you, and everything felt okay. With both your bento’s empty and tucked neatly away into your lunch bag and the sun settling down and giving a wake-up call for the stars to come out, it was about time for Suna to bring you home.

The walk back to your place was comfortable. There was no tension in the air or any awkwardness in the atmosphere. It was simply peaceful. You were walking beside him and rambling on about something that had happened to you in class that day. It was slightly cooler and the winds were colder and he had noticed early on that you kept pulling at the ends of your cardigan at an attempt to get some more warmth from it. It would’ve just been rude for him to let you be cold, Kita would kill him if you got sick.

It took you by surprise to see Suna slipping off his volleyball jacket and shoving it into your hands. He was wearing a hoodie under it anyway, he didn’t mind. A part of him was just curious about how his jacket would fit you too and what kind of fool would you be to reject an oversized jacket? It was just extra points that happened to be from the boy that you liked.

Suna nodded along to what you were saying, but he couldn’t help the sudden urge to just grab your hand out of his system. You were walking so close to each other. Your shoulders kept brushing past and your hands were right there. 

But with the events that happened this past weekend, he didn’t wanna overstep any boundaries. He was still too cautious that he would mess up and make you upset all over again. With the thought of his actions, Suna suddenly felt a little ball of guilt eat him up. He never stopped feeling bad about what he did. Kita’s words rang through his head, he needed to learn how to communicate better and not deal with everything all on his own. Maybe he really was a coward for letting such a dumb fear eat him up.

In the midst of your talk about how much you despise your math class, you turned to look at Suna and saw how troubled he looked. He didn’t even look like he was listening anymore and seemed to be having some sort of internal battle with himself. 

You furrowed your eyebrows and grabbed his wrist to stop walking. “Rin, what’s wrong?” you asked, concern lacing the tone of your voice. You both never really brought up what had happened. Maybe you were just too caught up in having a good time but you were honestly content with the reasons he gave you. If he wasn’t ready then he wasn’t ready. 

Suna however felt like he owed you so much more than his apology that he already struggled to explain. 

Suna stared down at you for a moment, the unreadable expression on his face that only made you more confused. It was quiet for a moment, the only sound to be heard was the wind blowing by and the trees rustling.

Nothing would have prepared you for the way he turned around and pulled the arm that was holding his wrist and pulling you into his chest. His hands wrapped around your shoulders as he held you just a little bit tighter. He was a bit stiff, but you couldn’t put that against. He wasn’t the type of person to initiate things like this.

“I’m sorry”

Your body froze, something about his tone was different. It was vulnerable.

You stayed quiet, letting yourself relax slowly in his hold.

“F-fuck, I’m really sorry. I said I wasn’t good with words right? S-so I’m trying to explain now because you deserve it but I don’t even know why I did it. I’m sorry, I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean to make you upset at all, I was just caught up with myself and I didn’t consider what I was doing to you. You didn’t deserve that. I like being around you and I’m sorry” He pulled away and one of his hands dropped to your waist and fiddled with the material of his jacket. You watched as his free hand dug deep into his pockets and you watched him pull something out. 

“It’s kind of pathetic if you ask me and it’s also kind of ugly but-” he grabbed one of your arms and dropped the object into the palms of your hands. Your eyes widened at the little paper craft,

It was an origami strawberry.

It was small, it fit perfectly inside on the palms of your hand. You could see that he struggled with making it. The leaves were slightly bent and the tip of the strawberry was ripping off. There were lots of creases all in the wrong places and even the seeds were drawn on. 

But it still melted your heart. 

“I read somewhere about 1000 paper cranes for a wish and well, cranes are kind of hard and I didn’t have enough paper to make 1000 and-god this is so embarrassing-” he muttered the last part but gained enough courage to look up at you and meet your eyes. Your eyes were soft and patient. “I wished that you wouldn’t hate me. Or that, this wouldn’t y’know...make everything all weird between us. I like you-or well uh- being around you at least and I-I know you joke about it all the time but please don't-” 

Suna paused when he felt you wrap your arms around his waist once again, hugging him back but just a little bit tighter. The small confession not even going through your mind because your attention was too focused on the way his words were making you melt. 

“You’re an idiot” you mumbled into his chest and hugged him a bit tighter. Your words made his stomach drop, but that feeling went away when you pulled back and looked at him with a smile. A smile that said you understood. 

“I’m never gonna force you to tell me anything you don’t want to tell me” You repeated but this time it felt different, it felt warmer. 

“I’m never gonna hate you. I know how you are Rin, you’re not good with your words and I get that. You could've sent me a text but you didn’t. You went out of your way with the flowers and even the little note and this adorable fucking strawberry is more than enough” you laughed but you could feel your eyes watering up slightly with the overwhelming amount of emotions you were feeling all at once. “You don’t need to keep apologizing to me okay? I understand. Thank you,” you smiled. Suna stared down at you. Nodding slowly and you chuckled and fell into his arms once again.

This time, he was the one who held you a bit tighter.

“This side of you is cute you know, but It’s kinda ruining your whole tsundere image you’re going for. Bet the twins would make fun of you for being this thoughtful” you whispered jokingly, making him roll his eyes and huff a quiet “shut up” in annoyance. If only you knew the pain he endured for putting up with those twins. 

You both stayed like that for a little while longer. Holding each other and fitting so perfectly in the arms of the other. If it wasn’t for your phone dinging from a text from Shin asking where you were, Suna swore he would have held you there for the whole night. 

You pulled away first and tugged his hand, “come on, Shin wants me home now so let’s get going ‘kay? Don’t want you getting benched the whole season now do we?” you grinned and walked in front of him and tugged him along. 

Somehow in some way, your fingers slipped perfectly into his.

Suna could only feel the warmth rising in his chest, his daze fixed at the sight of his hands interlocked with yours. 

“Oh and Rin” you called out, making him snap back into reality.

Suna hummed, looking right back at you.

“Tell me when you’re ready, okay?”

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* 

“Text me when you get up in your room safe”

You turned around to him with a quizzical expression before letting out a chuckle, “I’m in front of my house Rin, I got here in one piece” you said and motioned your free hand towards yourself to prove that you were indeed, uninjured. Suna rolled his eyes and bit the inside of his cheek, “you’re clumsy remember, you might fall or something” he muttered and looked away.

You grinned and squeezed his hand, “Awe, look at you caring for me and my wellbeing. My ears might be deceiving me but it sounds like you’re in love with me” you teased and swung your hands together back and forth.

Suna huffed, his mind not properly functioning when the words fell out of his mouth.

“yeah probably”

Simultaneously, his eyes and yours widened and you both froze. 

Both you and Suna blinked at each other twice. Your eyes looked down at your hands that were still interlocked and looked up at his face that was fully drained of any colour. Your heart was beating rapidly against your chest and Suna began to question the very point of his existence.

“W-what?”

“Uh-”

“Y-you said-”

“A-ah I-”

“Oi!” you both jumped and instinctively Suna pulled you closer to him. You looked at up him briefly before turning around to see Granny waiting by the gate with an impatient but also teasing glint in her eyes. “It’s almost 7:30 Yn-chan! You almost missed bingo night! Kiss ya little friend goodnight and come in before Shin and I eat all the mochi we left for ya” she called out but you could hear the teasing tone in her voice.

“C-coming!” you yelled back. Your face was piping hot and you wanted the ground to swallow you whole from the amount of embarrassment and flusteration you were feeling at that moment. 

Granny nodded and walked back inside, and looked up at Shin who was standing with his arms crossed on the porch. Granny walked back to him with a victorious smile on her lips as she gave him a thumbs up. Granny knew what she was doing and she knew what she saw. She’s gonna call and gossip to your mother.

You gulped and took a step back and looked back at Suna. He was still frozen and his mind was racing at what just happened and he too, wanted the ground to swallow him whole. “I-I uh, I guess I gotta go?” you winced, but the tone of your voice made it sound like you were asking a question. Suna nodded, “y-yeah, goodnight I guess” he muttered as he looked away and you watched his face heat up. 

You were both so embarrassed but neither one wanted to let go of the others hand. 

Suna figured he couldn’t keep you out all night and just as he was about to let go of your hand, a sudden wave of confidence went through your veins and you just went ‘fuck it.’

You pulled his arm down towards you taking him back. His eyes widened, “what are you-” you stood slightly on your tippy-toes and kissed his cheek which made him shut up instantly. “That’s for today, thanks. goodbye.” you said frantically. 

Suna froze, too much in shock and his mind was still in the middle of trying to register what just happened and watched as you let go of his hand and covered your face furiously blushing and running off to your gate and slamming it shut.

He stared blankly at the gate door and blinked twice as an attempt to get himself back to reality. He brought his hands up to his cheeks that were on fire. His mind kept replaying the way your soft lips kissed his cheek and could feel the slightest residue of your lip gloss still on his cheek. 

Shit, you really had him wrapped around your finger. 

“Idiot” 

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* 

a/n: BYE STOP IM SO SINGLE THIS IS SAD AND I AM DEVASTATED.

taglist! [CLOSED] @chocolaterumble​ @elianetsantana​ @versatilewindow​ @introvertatitsfinest​ @aristatrois​ @mizukisonoda​ @amberisnotcrazy​ @kritiiiii @iloveyouasmuchaspoohloveshoney @a-moon-fairy @akaasht​ @lotusweebs @marvelous-maxi @laughingismorefun @hhmnvm @sweetyrina @honeydrip @miracleboy420 @rachelexe @charsdummb​ @sxrcasticbacon @loser-keiji @dinablossom @ntimacy @kac-chowsballs@unhappyraspberry @sbaepsae @doebopeepeebbod @missalienqueen @ssuna @violenthead @unstableye @tycrackculture @a-applepi @lollyzen @aisawa-reo @ashybitch89 @sunflowerirl @sapphicstarss @melodiamore​ @valrubiii @urbasicaveragegirl @mint-mai @4kaashl @sugawsites @anngelllla @applekenm @bumblebeesofspace @dreamstormings @milkingkageyama @tsumu-core @luvelyxp @aquariarose

[6rookie-writer0110]

The stars are our safe haven

Lena Luthor x Reader

Summary - Lena and Reader for the first time in real life.

Lena is in her office and it's been a long day. She has been dealing with a lot and she is feeling stressed out. She looks at the time and it's late, Lena grabbed the Obsidian North's contact lenses and puts them on. She looks around and she is in the same location... She is at a cabin by the lake and she starts to set the chessboard.

“You are on time,” Lena said.

“It's rude to be late for our game. Should we start?” You said.

You and Lena never met in real life, you met her through Obsidian North online. You never played chess in real life because it didn't interest you. But when you met Lena that changed. She always beat you in chess and she would explain how she won.

Lena never saw your face because you have a mask on, she doesn't. Every night and on the weekends, you meet up with Lena to play chess and just talk. You never once took off the mask and she doesn't pressure you but she is curious how you look.

“You weren't online for long yesterday. Is everything okay?” You said.

Lena sighed “Too much is going on. I needed a break and I came here”

“We don't have to play chess if you don't want to. I know you would be scared to play against me” You said.

You made Lena laugh and she rolled her eyes at you.

“Y/n, you do know I beat you 59 times and you haven't won one game,” Lena said.

“That's not how I remember,” You said.

She laughed again.

“Let's start the game, y/n,” Lena said.

You only told Lena your first name. She does know that you know about her family drama, but you never once asked for a favor or blackmailed her. You and Lena feel comfortable around each other and have deep conversations with each other. Lena hasn't opened up to anyone in a long time.

You and Lena start to play chess, and she won the first game. Lena does know about your family and your life. Lena has developed feelings for you, she does wonder now and then if you would feel the same way as her. Sometimes she would doubt that you won't like her because of family and other things.

“How’s your work,” Lena said.

“They cut my hours... So I'm learning less and my rent went up” You said.

“Oh... That must be rough” Lena said.

“It’s life. It was my mom’s birthday so we bought her gifts and a cake” You said.

“Last time, I celebrated my birthday was when I six years ago when my mother passed away. The Luthors are not really into celebrating together as a family unless it's an evil plan” Lena said.

Lena won the game the second time. You and Lena play again, but this time you set the board.

“Wow, now that's rough,” You said.

“We can play one more game. So... Um dating anyone?” Lena said.

“Nope. I was interested in someone but it wouldn't have worked out. You?” You said.

You look at the board and you think about what to do.

“I am interested in someone... But I don't know” Lena said.

Lena beat you in three moves.

“How the hell did you win?” You asked.

She laughed and she starts to explain.

---

A couple of days later...

You had a rough day and you put on the contact lenses. Lena is there, she can sense something is wrong by the look of your eyes. Lena hugged you and waited for you to say something. You like Lena’s arms around you, you felt safe.

“I won't pressure you to talk about it. When you want to talk about it, I will listen” Lena said.

“Thanks. I'm not ready to talk about it but yeah, I had a rough day” You said.

She kissed your head, she isn't sure why she did it. But she thought you would get angry about it but you didn't. After the hug, you and Lena talked about something else.

“Y/n, I was thinking maybe we can meet in real life?” Lena asked.

“Are you serious?” You asked.

“Yes. But only if you want to, I don't want to force you into something that you're uncomfortable with” Lena said.

“Can I think about it?” You asked.

“Of course,” Lena said.

You nod and she gave you a small smile.

✬ ✫ ✯ ✫

You have been thinking about what Lena said about meeting in person. You start to get ready for work, put on your headphones, and left your apartment. You start to listen to a podcast on how to get better at chess. You have strong feelings for Lena, but you doubt yourself and think you're not good enough for her. You always feel comfortable around her. You are having a hard time, thinking about meeting Lena in person.

You put on the contact lenses, she smiled. You asked Lena about her day and she asked about yours.

“Lena, I think we should meet in person,” You said.

“Are you sure, y/n?” Lena asked.

“Yeah, I'm sure. We have been friends online for almost five years. Maybe... We can meet somewhere in public at a cafe shop?” You said.

Lena smiled “yes, we can meet at a cafe shop. How I will know it's you?”

“I will wear a plain blue shirt,” You said.

“Okay, we will meet at The Jolly Goat Coffee Bar, tomorrow at four?” Lena said.

“Sounds good to me, Lena,” You said.

You and Lena smiled at each other.

---

The next day...

You are at the cafe shop. You're freaking out and Lena hasn't arrived yet. You keep looking at the time on your phone over and over. A few minutes later, you felt a hand on your shoulder and you looked up.

“Y/n?” Lena asked.

“Hey L-Lena,” You said.

She sits across from you. She is feeling nervous and she bites her bottom lip.

“Sorry, I'm late the meeting went longer than expected,” Lena said.

“It's okay. I'm feeling really nervous right now” You said.

“Me too. But I'm happy that you wanted to meet and I got to see how you look” Lena said.

“I knew eventually the mystery wasn't going to last long,” You said nervously.

She nods.

“Should we order? My treat” Lena said.

“Yeah, let's order,” You said.

You and Lena are starting to feel less nervous. You love her green eyes and she can't stop smiling at you. You and Lena stayed at the cafe shop for a while, then left and walked around the park for a little bit.

✬ ✫ ✯ ✫

Since that day, you and Lena did meet up in person now and then. But other days, you meet her online. You and Lena still play chess together. Tonight changed everything

“Wow, y/n I can't believe you finally won a game,” Lena said.

You have a big smile on your face.

“To be honest, I have been reading books about chess, listening to podcasts about chess and I wanted to impress you,” You said.

“You wanted to impress me by getting better at chess? That is cute. Well, I'm glad I lost to you” Lena said.

“We will keep playing chess?” You asked.

“We would still keep playing, y/n,” Lena said.

You smiled but the next game you lost again. But you are still feeling hyped about the game you won.

----

Today is Lena’s birthday and you wanted to do something special for her. For her, it's just another normal day and she only told you when is her birthday. You bought a small cake, a cute gift and you surprise Lena at her loft.

You have been to her loft before, she gave you the code to the keypad. She didn't know that you were coming over but she is happy to see you. You follow Lena to the kitchen, she is drinking wine and working on her laptop.

“Close your eyes, Lena,” You said.

“Okay,” Lena said.

Lena closed her eyes. You take out the cake, place the candles then light the candles with a lighter.

“Okay, Lena open your eyes,” You said.

Lena is surprised by what you just did for her.

“Oh y/n, you shouldn't have,” Lena said.

“Lena happy birthday. I wanted to surprise you, hope you like it” You said.

“I love it. Nobody has ever done this for me” Lena said.

Lena hugged you tight and she can't stop smiling. She stares into your eyes and you feel her lips on yours. You kiss her back, she pulls away and she apologized.

“Y/n, I am so sorry I didn't mean to make you uncomfortable. Y/n, I like you as more than a friend... I have liked you for a while and if you don't feel the same, I hope we can be friends I don't want you out of my life” Lena said.

You are speechless about what she said. You try to say something but you just stutter.

“Lena... Lena, I do feel the same way I like you so much. But I feel I'm not good enough for you. I have a dead-end job, I can't take you to a expensive restaurant and I still live with my family... I can't afford to live on my own and I have two jobs” You said.

She gently grabs your hand.

“Y/n, I like you for who you are. What you did right now, I love it that you surprised me with a cake for my birthday. It doesn't bother me that you live with your family” Lena said.

You gave her a small smile.

“You should blow out the candles before the wax gets on the cake,” You said.

Lena kissed your cheek and she blows out the candles. You and Lena sit on the couch and eat cake together.

“Do you want to make it official?” Lena asked.

“Yes, I want to make it official. Like the cake?” You said.

She nods “its really good cake. Thank you, y/n”

You stay the night, later you and Lena cuddle in bed and watch Disney movies. During the movie, you and Lena start to make out but it doesn't go further. You feel her hand under your shirt on your lower back, she smiled and she keeps kissing you.

[verai-marcel]

Forever and Always (RDR2 Fanfic, Arthur x F!Reader)

Summary: You reminisce about your life and have a sweet moment with your family.

Author’s Notes: I was listening to a podcast about wedding dress design and got inspired.

Tags: pure fluff, Arthur x F!Reader

Word Count: 1644

AO3 Link is right here, darlin’.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Twenty-five years.

A quarter of a century.

Funny how time flies, and all of a sudden you're nearly fifty years old. Looking back, you can see the crazy turn of events in your life like some kind of movie, detached and yet feeling every single emotion as if you were there in that moment.

***

Fresh out of college, you remembered the night you found your partner sleeping with your roommate. The white hot rage and cold grip of disbelief sent you fleeing into the rain, into the streets, into a bar in the middle of the night. As you meandered between sadness and anger, a bartender had given you a cold glass of orange juice, soda water, and a bit of ice, with a shot of grenadine.

"Here ya go, sweetheart. On the house."

You had looked up and drowned in eyes the color of volcanic springs, finding the same warmth and comfort in his kind gaze. Taking a cautious sip of the drink, you found it to be the perfect drink, not too sweet, and took your time savoring it.

"What brings you here tonight?" he had asked.

After a moment of silence, he held up his hand. "You don't need to tell me if you don't want to."

He leaned in close. "But I'm happy to listen, whenever yer ready."

His sweet smile undid you, and you poured out your heart. He seemed to nod along with your story, as a stranger would, but there was a steadily growing fire in his eyes. After a while, after a few interruptions from other customers ordering drinks, you had finished venting, nursing the last of your drink and debating what your next move should be.

"Alright folks, last call!" the bartender shouted. A few people came up and got one last drink before he started to clean up.

"Well, thank you for listening to me," you said, dropping a tip on the bar. "I really appreciate it."

"I didn't catch yer name."

You told him.

He smiled. "I'm Arthur. Could… could ya wait a bit? I'll walk you home."

You slumped. "I don't want to go home."

Arthur raised an eyebrow at you. "Where were you goin' to go, then?"

You shrugged. "Walk around until sunrise, I guess. Not feeling sleepy."

He tilted his head as he observed you. After a few moments, he shook his head. "If you don't mind, you can come sleep on my couch. You need some rest, darlin'."

"Um…" As sweet as he was, you had just met him.

Arthur pulled out a pen and scribbled something on the back of a bar coaster before giving it to you. "Here's my address. You send it to someone you trust, so they know where you are."

Touched by his offer and his understanding of your hesitation, you agreed. You texted his address to your best friend who lived a city away and told her that you were staying with a new friend and that you'd call her in the morning and tell her everything.

Then you waited until Arthur was done with his shift and followed him home.

***

That was years ago. He had helped you deal with the whole situation with your ex-significant other and ex-roommate. He stood outside as backup while you confronted the two of them and told them that you were leaving. Then you found yourself temporarily moving in with Arthur, bunking on his sleeper sofa for a couple of weeks while you searched for another place to live.

And then you slept in his bed. And your temporary move became permanent.

Life continued. You slept together, in the adult sense of the term. You got pregnant. You dated. You gave birth. He proposed. You got married. He finished college. You became the breadwinner while he worked part time and took care of your daughter.

Nothing went in the 'normal' order of things, but what was normal, anyway?

Looking at the photos of your wonderful daughter when she was a small child, you smiled as you heard the doorbell ring.

"Hey Mom!"

"Hi Avery!" You greeted her with a warm hug. She was twenty-three now, working hard during her first year out of college. You got to see her a couple times a month, and each visit made you smile, no matter how grumpy she might be.

Today the two of you were just hanging out, having tea and going through some of the old boxes in the attic, when she pulled out an old scrapbook.

"Wow, didn't know you did scrapbooking."

"I didn't, I only made one for my wedding."

Together the two of you looked through your silly notes and hand picked photos, telling her the story behind each one, and who each person was.

"Do you still have your wedding dress?" she asked after seeing the photos of you and Arthur, dressed up in a tuxedo that barely fit his broad shoulders.

"I do, somewhere."

After some time searching, you found it, brushed it off, and held it up to your body. "I don't think it'll fit, I've gotten a bit wider since I wore it."

"C'mon Mom, just try it!"

Smiling, the two of you went to your bedroom and you managed to shove yourself mostly into the dress. Except for the shoulders.

"I've gotten more buff," you joked as you pulled the dress off yourself. "You try it."

Avery took the dress, stared at it for a moment, and with your help, pulled it on. It looked like it fit, until she moved her arms.

The sound of a seam ripping made you both pause.

"Oh my God, I'm so sorry–"

You patted her shoulder. "It's fine, sweetie. It's just a dress, it can be fixed. And you look beautiful in it."

Your daughter grinned, and you could see Arthur's eyes and smile on her face.

After she spun around a few times, she took it off and handed it back to you. Out of curiosity, you checked which seams had torn.

"It might fit you now," Avery joked.

"Sure, why not?"

You pulled it back on, and sure enough, the seams that had torn were the very ones stopping you from fitting your thicker arms through. You turned around and looked in the mirror. Twirling around a bit, you suddenly felt young again, remembering the first time you had tried this dress. Your two closest friends had been by your side, encouraging you to buy the dress because you were so pleased with it.

And you remembered the last time you had worn this dress, walking down the aisle with Arthur, hand in hand, the two of you grinning at each other as if there was nothing else in the world, just the two of you, happily in love.

"Let's take some photos outside!" Avery suggested, her eyes lighting up with enthusiasm.

Smiling at your daughter, you walked through your house and out to the small backyard that Arthur lovingly cared for, with a small waterfall and herb garden.

He was there, kneeling in the dirt, planting some new basil plants. He turned around at the sound of the back door opening.

"What're you two doin'–"

Arthur's words stopped abruptly as his jaw dropped. He hadn't seen you in that dress since the wedding, and for him, time stopped and all he saw was his beautiful lady, dressed in white, smiling like a goddess.

He quickly washed his hands with the garden hose, wiped them on his jeans, and came towards you.

"Beautiful, just like an angel," he said in awe.

You went to him, holding your hands out to him. He took them and brought them close to his heart before lifting your hands to his lips and kissing your fingers oh so so tenderly.

"Amazin', I feel the same as I did on our weddin' day, seein' you like this."

"I'm a little wider now…"

"That don't matter none," he said, leaning closer to you. His forehead touched yours and he looked into your eyes. "Yer always lovely."

"Awww!"

Avery's exclamation brought the two of you back to reality. She had her phone out and had been taking photos of the two of you, a giant grin on her face.

"I'll send these to you later, after I touch them up a bit," she said. "I, uh, got an errand to run. Bye Dad, bye Mom, I'll catch you later!"

She left, giving you a conspiratorial wink. You looked back at Arthur to find that his eyes hadn't left you for a single moment.

He was in his late fifties now, streaks of grey in his hair, giving him a sophisticated appearance. He smiled much more these days, finding happiness in tending his small garden and being outside in the sunlight. He was still strong, still broad shouldered, but he had filled out a little from your delicious home cooked meals.

And he still looked at you like you were his entire world.

"Should we go inside?" you asked with a mischievous smirk.

"I got mud on me," he said, although he didn't resist when you pulled him into the house.

"I'll get you all clean," you said. "Then we can get dirty."

"Darlin'," he said as if he was chastising you, yet he was chuckling softly as he let you lead the way.

***

That night, looking at the photos Avery had emailed, you realized how the two of you appeared, so deep in love. You both looked younger in her photos, and you wondered if it was because of the photo editing.

Showing Arthur, he just smiled and kissed your cheek, his whiskers scraping your skin lightly as he nuzzled you.

"See? Told you my feelin's fer you would never change." He pulled you into his arms and held you close.

"You'll always be my shinin' star."

--------------------

End Notes: I started with a small idea and it kinda got longer. Oops.

[didsomeonesaydaddydraco]

It’s just a bad day... » Tom Felton imagine

Request: yes! @lindsayfosselman93

Word count: 2,037

Pairing: Tom Felton x reader

Note: I just hope you guys will like this. xx

“Hey, Y/N” my coworker called after me, just as I was about to leave my office “A couple of us are heading out to grab a drink or two at Casey’s. Do you want to join us?”

I looked at my phone to check the time. It was a Friday afternoon, and our boss said we could leave an hour earlier than usual, knowing that we had a very though week behind us, and all of us deserved a little rest after all. 

“Yeah, sure” I smiled at her and grabbed my bag from my desk “But I’m driving, so no alcohol for me today”

“Alright” she linked her arm with mine and dragged me with her, talking about how hot her new intern was. I liked Beth. She was my mentor when I first started at the PR agency, and helped me with everything I needed. She was very open minded, and loved to ask me about England, and she really enjoyed listening to me, mostly because of my British accent. She found it fascinating “So, how’s your boo?”

I laughed at her nickname for my fiancé. They had met before, and a love-hate friendship was immediately formed between them. Beth hated that I skipped a lot of end of the week pub hopping with them to go home to Tom, but loved to hear everything about our travelling stories and the romantic things he had done just to make me happy. And Tom hated that Beth would show up at our home unannounced, and babbled about her terrible dating life, and how much she already wanted to be married. These occasions usually turned into a sleepover, because she had too much wine, and wasn’t able to drive back home. But at the same time he loved the idea of me having a good friend at work. And I knew, that deep inside, he would have helped her if she needed it. 

“He’s working on a new movie, so he is quite busy” I smiled at her and opened my car “He was up pretty late last night just to learn his lines” I frowned at the memory. He came to bed almost at the same time I had to wake up to get ready for work. He looked quite annoyed and even sad. I was thinking about him, hoping he was in a better mood and slept enough. I hated how much he pushed himself sometimes. He wanted his act to be perfect, to give his best to the project he was working on and satisfy not just his fans, but himself as well. He tended to be hard on himself. 

The pub was quite crowded when we arrived. We weren’t the only people in Los Angeles, who wanted to kick back a bit at the end of the week. Group of friends were playing billiard or were just chatting over a table with beers and wine glasses in their hands. Here and there were couples, maybe on a date. I smiled at a few familiar faces from either work, or at those who were frequent guests at Casey’s and sometimes joined us for a drinking game or just to chat. 

“So guess who’s being a baby and won’t drink today with us?” I rolled my eyes at Beth’s childish behaviour, but I couldn't hide my smile “Nah, just joking. Y/N’s only being a responsible adult here, and is actually driving”

We sat down to our usual table where some of our coworkers were already seated and were sipping on their first drink. I ordered myself a virgin Cosmopolitan and listened to one of our new intern’s story about how one of his professors was caught with his TA. I was sipping on my drink when my phone lit up in front of me. Because of the bad service in the pub, I didn’t get the notifications right away, so I didn’t see Tom’s messages.

“Baby? What time are you coming home?” 

“Are you alright? I thought you were coming home earlier..”

“Y/N???”

“Babe, I need you. I’m having a very bad day…”

I quickly texted him back that I was only out with a couple of friends from work but I was just leaving. I was worried. Tom wasn’t the double texting or multiple texting type of guy. He only acted like this, if it was important or he wasn’t feeling well. 

“Sorry guys, as much as I love to hang out with you, I really need to leave” I stood up and said my final goodbyes to them, not giving them a chance to ask me about my sudden leave-taking. Before I left to go home, I stopped by a grocery store to buy the ingredients for Tom’s favourite comfort food. 

I could see Willow’s cute face at the window when I pulled up to the driveway. She was jumping up and down when she saw me getting out of the car and walking up to the front door. I swear that dog was half a dog, half a kangaroo. 

“Love, I’m home” I called for Tom when I stepped in the hall and kicked off my high heels, which were killing my feet all day. I went to the kitchen and put down the grocery bags, before I kneeled down to pat Willow and give her a few kisses “Where’s Daddy? Can you show me?”

“Woof” she probably had no idea what I was asking her, but the fact that she hardly left Tom’s side came to my benefit, because she ran to Tom’s office. I followed her there, and of course he was there. He was laying on his sofa, the script for his new movie on his chest. The wrinkles of the pages told me he was close to tear the whole thing up and throw it away. He was asleep, but the frown from being frustrated was still on his face. 

“My love” I sat at the very edge of the sofa and pushed his hair out of his face softly “I’m home” I kissed his forehead and caressed his cheek carefully. I didn’t want to scare him.

“Hey” he murmured and pulled me on to his chest. His hands hold me close and Tom buried his face in my neck. I planted plenty of small kisses into his hair and hold him just as tight “I’m having the worst day of my life”

I laughed at him a bit. He could be a little bit overdramatic, when things weren’t going the way he planned. “Mind telling me why it is such a bad day?”

And he did. He told me that because of the lack of sleep he has been having caused him to wake up with a terrible headache this morning, and no matter how much he tried and practised, it seemed like he couldn’t memorise his lines. And when he finally gave up on learning those, he wanted to interact with his fans, but came across with a lot of hate, which led him to ask himself, if he really was good enough of an actor. 

I listened to him. Sinking in every single word that left his mouth, and played with his hair the whole time to keep him calm, and to show him I was now there for him, and was ready to do anything just to make him feel better. He was feeling very down, and it made me sad how his self-esteem shrunk down because of what some mean people and the media was writing about him, without knowing him at all. 

“Darling” I said softly “Did you really have a bad day or did you have 20 minutes where you let your thought run undisciplined which led you to a bad vibe that you let carry you away?”

“What do you mean?” He looked at me confused.

“I let you think about this” I kissed his neck softly, which made him laugh a tiny bit. I knew how ticklish his neck was, and loved and hated it at the same time, when I blow on it or kissed it. It was good to hear his laugh. It was so contagious. So to make him laugh again, I started to kiss it rapidly and blow on it, while I caressed the back of his neck with my fingertips to tickle him even more. 

“Stop, please” he laughed loudly and tried to push me away “C’mon darling, I’m going to pee myself at the age of 33 if you don’t stop” he begged me but never let go of me. I looked at him and kissed his lips with everything I had. I wanted this man to know how much I loved him. I wanted to show him that no matter what those people out there say about him. They didn’t know who Tom Andew Felton really was. They were cowards, using the power of social media. I pity them. How miserable their life must have been that the only thing that made them feel better or happy was hating on someone they didn’t even know personally?

“I’ll let you to think about what I just said” I stood up from him “Meanwhile you do your homework, I’ll make dinner. Come downstair when you are ready. Alright?”

“I love you” his voice was smooth. I adored how he said those words. They were pure, honest and filled with love and lust. I left him alone. I knew he needed it. He had to go through his whole day in a different point of view. He had to think if it was really worth it. Letting hate and a rough day ruin his good mood. Before I started on dinner, I changed into one of his tie dye hoodies and let my hair out of the ponytail. 

Tom came downstair just at the right time. I already sat the table, and was getting the food out of the oven when he came up behind me, and sneaked his arms around my waist, kissing the side of my neck lovingly. 

“You made casseroles” I could tell by his voice that he was smiling “It smells delicious” he sniffed into my hair “You smell delicious too” he playfully bit on my shoulder and squeezed my waist.

“Someone’s in a better mood” I sing sang and put the tray down on the table. 

“Yeah” he nodded and sat down “Thank you. I really need that to see the whole thing in a different view. Sometimes I tend to let my bad mood to take over my mind and I act unrealistically”

I placed my hand on his and gave him a reassuring smile. During dinner, he told me about how his day was, apart from the bad part. Tom told me how happy he was when Oliver Phelps texted him and asked if he wanted to be on their podcast the next week, and how they already made plans about a golf marathon as soon as it was possible for him to take off a few days from shooting. He even mentioned a few days trip to somewhere nice, just him, Willow and I, because we both had been very busy with our own jobs. He felt like we couldn’t spend enough quality time together, and we really needed it. I just looked at him, and adored the man sitting in front of me. At our dinner table, in our home. All these years together, and it still amazed me, that he chose me to be by his side for the rest of his life. He was honestly the most beautiful man I had ever met and I was more than ready to make him the happiest as possible. 

“I really can’t wait for you to put me in my place and treat me just like you did today for the rest of our lives” Tom hugged me from behind when we were getting ready to go to sleep. He played with my ring on my finger and smiled at me throughout the reflection of the mirror on my vanity table “Mrs. Y/N Felton. It still sound perfect to me.”