#I had a long insightful tag ramble but tumblr deleted it so what the fuck ever

[helena-thessaloniki]

Author’s Note

Heyy 🥰

I wanted to take a minute to thank everyone who’s following me here because of my writing, specifically Beyond the Walls. To not distract from the flow of the story, I tried to limit my author’s note on the final chapter and wanted to write a full acknowledgment note here. 🖤

No, I couldn’t. A pregnant pause, but not from hesitation. You could say I took a gamble.

Levi almost flinches. Erwin’s most recent gamble is the reason he sits alone on the shoreline holding a conversation with a fucking Ghost. Bitterness chokes out even the possibility of speaking aloud.

Too late now, but Levi reminds Erwin all the same. Sometimes the stakes are too high to take risks.

No, Levi. Words hardened by resolve. When the stakes are too high, all you can do is take the risk.

My initial plan was to go through and individually name the incredible people who consistently left comments, or shared really thoughtful insight, or added analysis of canon/my story that brought clarity and encouragement, or sent me ridiculously kind tumblr messages. But I’m really fucking blessed because there are so many of you. Please know, I genuinely struggle to read kind comments and receive compliments, I have to peel my hands off my eyes and coach myself through it lmao, but they seriously mean the world to me. Thank you.

I actually love that I’m embarrassed at how many mistakes I made in the beginning and along the way. I’ve learned so much! Please, no one be shy with your constructive feedback. I am on here to have fun, but also to improve as a writer. 

I’ll be posting an epilogue. The story concludes that Mikasa hasn’t found her purpose, but trusts that she will. I wanted to explore that and show it, though.

In the future, I’ll post some behind the scene thoughts on any hidden gems or unnoticed Easter eggs 😏 and also some deleted scenes. Everything in my blog related to Beyond the Walls is tagged like this post. 

content warning !! mention of abuse and trauma

My intellectual and creative goal was to realistically portray Mikasa and Levi as shown in canon, while expanding on how trauma, for lack of a better phrase, fucks things up. That said, my characterization for Levi was also heavily influenced by Z, my younger brother. I have one biological brother, four adopted sisters, and one adopted brother, Z. Z was three and I was sixteen when he was brought to our home. I remember he kept digging garbage-food out of our kitchen trashcan even though he’d already ate, even though there was food in the fridge and pantry he was allowed to have, even though we promised him he could eat again when he was hungry. I was only a kid myself then, but it was the start of my understanding to that sort of trauma. When you have nothing and have always had nothing, you don’t know that you can ask and you don’t expect more. You only accept what is given to you and you take what you need to survive. How that looked at three and how that’s developed in the decade since for Z, I won’t go into other than what you read with Levi in this story, but I still felt it was important to acknowledge him. 

Lastly on the note of trauma. Joanofsnark commented on Chapter 6: “... you gesture toward a long history of grief, suffering, and missed opportunities for connection”, and I felt like the story was so seen. As the final chapter reveals, none of the story would have happened if Levi and Mikasa hadn’t missed such an opportunity for connection in Chapter 1. This isn’t a sci-fi fic, but the concept is similar: Beyond the Walls is an ‘alternate reality’ that existed because of trauma and that missed opportunity. I don’t know, I’m meditating on that myself still, but I guess what I want to say is that I hope in real life, we can all be bravely vulnerable, believe in second andthirdandfourthandfifth chances, and seek connection even when it’s so hard. 

Okay, I’ve rambled enough. Now, I’m looking forward to causing fun and mayhem in the fandom fuck yeah rivamika smut challenge bby!! and finally reading other rivamika works. Again, seriously, thank you, thank you. 

Don’t be a stranger. 🥰🖤

xo, Lena 

[obstinaterixatrix]

Well I was complaining about overwatch but one robot narrative game I've played that doesn't completely center around humanity is Read Only Memories, that's a good game. I also really like Feet of Clay with how it addressed nonhuman personhood. The problem is a lot of folks who try this narrative don't seem to have that much experience being othered by a majority because the real problem isn't solved by realizing you yourself are human, it's realizing that other people are assholes who refuse to see anyone the slightest bit different from them as worthy of respect.