#I had too many to fit in the photoset for Margaret

[silikat]

Margaret and @screenshotsofdespair

(Previous: Jaeris, 90s Dude)

[mayquita]

Pictures of Reality (5/16)

Thank you so much to everyone for giving this story a chance. Thanks for your kudos, likes, reblogs and for your comments, they mean the world to me.

Summary: Emma Swan returns to her birthplace, Storybrooke, in search of a fresh start after a life marked by abandonment and betrayal. After a year there, she finds the stability she needed and also the possibility of learning about one of her passions, photography. Killian Jones, a former British war reporter with a tragic past, establishes himself in the same town as an instructor of photography, following in the footsteps of his best friends, the Nolans. What will happen when their paths cross? Will their common passion for photography help them heal old wounds?

Rating: M (Language, mature themes, implied sex)

Warnings: Alcohol abuse, mentions of the loss of a limb in an armed conflict

Other ships / Characters: Although, obviously, this is a cs fic, Snowing plays a major role here, mainly David. In fact, the story contains three different points of view, those of Emma, Killian and David. Also, Henry appears in the story as Regina’s adopted son but he is not Emma’s biological son.

Beta: I’d like to express my gratitude, as always, to my beta @jarienn972 I’m aware that you have had to deal with a monster of more than 100k words and English is not my mother tongue, so I value your effort even more.

Artist / art: Go visit @imagnifika’s blog and enjoy her amazing art. I love the art that accompanies this chapter, with that reddish halo... for reasons. Also, this photoset also serves for the next chapter. (I'm including it at the end because it's a bit spoilery)

Art for the prologue/ Art for chapter 1 / Art for chapter 2 and banner / Art for chapter 3 / Art for chapter 4

Special mention to @saraswans , thank you so much for your perpetual support, for believing in me when I doubted myself and for offering ideas to make this story grow.

Word count: ~ 7200 (116k total in 16 chapters)

Also on (From the beginning): Ao3 / Ffnet (Current Chapter) Ao3 / Ffnet

Tumblr: Prologue Chapter 1 Chapter 2 Chapter 3 Chapter 4

What to expect from this chapter? We will know a bit more about the Nolans and the reason why they returned to Storybrooke. And Emma and Killian continue to get to know each other while sharing pieces of their pasts and… maybe something else. I really enjoyed writing this chapter and I hope you like it.

CHAPTER 4

David Nolan. London, ten months ago

That day had dawned like any other. David had followed his established routines, gone to work at the newspaper, had lunch with Killian — actually lunch was just an excuse to take his friend away from his own miseries for a while at least — and finally, got home to spend the rest of the day with his wife.

What David could never have imagined when he woke up that morning was that his life was going to be shaken, that a radical change that he had not waited for had already begun to take shape. And it all started, once again, with a phone call.

Maybe it was intuition or anticipation. The truth was that when he came through the door that day, a strange sensation seized him, causing his stomach to tighten and urging him to go find Mary Margaret.

His suspicions became more intense when he found his wife in the middle of their living room, holding the phone against her chest with both hands, her gaze absent, her face pale.

He stopped short, while all the air left his lungs and a lump formed in his throat, preventing him from emitting any words. His mind began to imagine horrible scenarios, with Killian in the role of the main character in most cases —Old habits die hard. But it can't be, he told himself in an attempt to suppress those paralyzing thoughts. He is here, safe and sound. No more danger stalking him.

When she realized his presence her eyes sought his. "It was Regina..." Mary Margaret's voice trailed off as her gaze seemed lost again, as if she was still trying to process the information obtained.

His eyebrows furrowed in confusion, his mind having trouble identifying the name in the first place. The memories began to come gradually though, making his features harden as old demons from the past threatened to surface.

"Regina... She's found her, David. It seems that she found her way back." Mary Margaret continued with a tiny voice, almost a whisper, but this time with a different shade, loaded with something similar to hope. He was still processing her words when her eyes sought his again. And that's when he knew it.

A myriad of questions swarmed in his mind, as different sensations danced inside him and his head began to spin to such an extent that he had to lean on a nearby piece of furniture, his legs suddenly too weak to support him. "We have to go back." He managed to mutter as he felt, for the first time in twenty-seven years, the hole in his heart becoming less deep, filled instead with a hope he had never dared to express out loud. "We have to go back." He repeated, this time with more emphasis.

It was then that his wife rushed towards him, burying her head in his chest and emitting a broken sob. As David wrapped his arms around her in a tight embrace, a new thought crossed his mind. They could not leave Killian here. Not now, when he was still struggling to recover. They had to find a way to convince him to accompany them. There was no longer anything or anyone to tie him to London. Maybe the time had come for a new beginning, a fresh start, for all of them. Perhaps returning to Storybrooke also meant that they would finally reach that promising future it had been denied to them so many times before.

David Nolan. Storybrooke - November 21, 2017

It was a sunny and bright day, unusual for the end of November and despite the fact that the sun had already started its descent, anticipating his farewell until the next day. Those were the thoughts of David Nolan as he walked through the streets of Storybrooke, a permanent smile pulling at his lips.

It was as if that black cloud that had hovered over them from the moment they knew the sad reality, making their days more somber, had decided to give them a break in the form of a beautiful day that encouraged walking despite the almost wintry cold, the rays of the sun acting like little rays of hope traveling directly to his heart.

Even though he had not expected such a scenario when they both decided to return, he would never regret having made that decision, not when it felt so right to come back home, to the place where they had experienced their best and also their worst moments.

By the time they had crossed the road after passing the welcome sign, a warm feeling had invaded his body, as a reminder that they were coming home.

That feeling not only had not changed four months later, but had intensified. Walking through the same streets where they had grown up, chatting with those who had been their neighbors for years, brought back old memories that he thought were forgotten. While visiting the old places for which time seemed to have not passed, he maintained a state of certain calm, which at least served to compensate for the huge weight of guilt that had fallen upon them the moment they discovered the truth...

The sound of voices brought him back to reality. David turned his head in the direction of the sounds and what he found made him stop in his tracks in the middle of the street, while his heart beat hard against his chest.

She was there, right in front of him, sitting in one of Granny's patio chairs. And there was someone else accompanying her - his friend Killian Jones.

David narrowed his eyes, watching them carefully as he moved discreetly with the goal of remaining half-hidden. He should not be surprised to see them together, he thought, trying to convince himself. Killian had barely given explanations about the development of the course, but David knew that she was attending. Something did not quite fit though, since today was Tuesday and classes were held on Saturdays. Damn Killian and his stubbornness to keep things to himself! When would he realize that they were there to help? That they really cared about him as a member of their family?

Suddenly all his bad thoughts vanished when something caught his attention, causing him to almost have to suppress a gasp of surprise. Killian's features lit up, his lips drawing a genuine smile, directed at her. Something that, unfortunately, David barely remembered witnessing, after so many years of at best, fake smiles or no smile at all.

The angle he was in did not allow him to see her features and he had no intention of moving to avoid revealing his position. Only a glimpse of her profile was in sight as well as her golden hair, something he had learned to recognize from the distance during these four months. Maybe it was just hope or maybe intuition, but he felt a tug in his stomach, trying to convince him that her expression would probably match the one of his friend.

The day became even brighter, the sunlight on its descent causing his friend's eyes to shine in a special way as David's heart began to flutter with the closest thing to hope that he had felt from the moment that they left London. In spite of the guilt, of their perpetual regret and the huge hole in his heart, it seemed that all was not lost after all. Maybe fate had decided that two of the most important people in his life had crossed paths. Maybe they could help heal each other. Maybe he and his wife could still be forgiven when the time to confess came.

After one last look at the scene before him, David turned around in the direction of his apartment. He could not wait to tell Mary Margaret the news. Knowing his wife, he was sure that this information would serve to alleviate the perpetual pain that she had experienced at that moment when they both had discovered the truth.

Killian Jones. Storybrooke - November 21, 2017

"So, did I get my pass in the close-ups and gastronomic photography test, professor?"

The way Emma asked, half-mocking as she uttered the last word, half-flirting disguised in the cadence of her voice, did a strange thing in Killian's heart. He quickly ignored it and focused instead on the way the sun's rays bathed Emma's skin in their descent, giving her a special aura, as if she herself glowed. No, that definitely did not help.

"I reserve my opinion for when I have checked the results on a somewhat larger screen, love." He pointed to the camera on the table that separated them. "But I think I can anticipate that the result will be quite satisfactory." He almost purred the words. Two could play this kind of flirting game. And if the faint pink color that adorned her cheeks was any indication, it seemed that Emma wasn't going to go through this unaffected.

Something had changed since last Tuesday, it was evident. He had not yet been able —or had not dared— to discern what had been the reason for that change between them. Maybe her acceptance of his prosthesis, her desire to learn, the glimpses she had dropped on her past. Maybe it had been the way her hair had moved with the rhythm of the wind, generating a hypnotic dance that had made him unable to look away. Maybe it had been the special glint in her eyes, the fierceness of her features while she had tried, and succeeded in most cases, to put into practice what he had taught her.

Killian felt more and more connected to her, bewitched in some way by her beauty, attracted by her indisputable hidden potential, eager to bring it up, but above all, determined to know those little secrets - the experiences that she had experienced and had molded her into the most interesting and enigmatic person that had crossed him in a long, long time.

Perhaps, for this reason, he did not resign himself to having their meetings happen only once a week, surrounded by other people. Instead, he decided to add a new routine to his schedule, assigning Tuesdays to continue with additional classes for her, provided she was willing, of course. To his relief, she had accepted without a hint of doubt.

The grilled cheese's picture she had sent him a few days ago was the trigger for the idea that began to set in his mind. He just needed an excuse and if he had to resort to photos of food, so be it. It was how they had finished that Tuesday at Granny's, doing close-up practices of the different foods served by an amused waitress, Ruby, who turned out to be not only Emma's friend, but the person who had gifted her the course, something he would be eternally grateful for.

While they shared a hot coffee once the practice ended, Killian realized something he had not thought about until then. There was a concrete reason why he was enjoying these classes so much. That reason was not only because he seemed to have found the talent hidden in the person of Emma Swan. Nor that he was somehow captivated by her beauty or her personality. The real reason he looked forward to these meetings was that, during these hours, he allowed himself to forget, to pretend that his life was simple and quiet, that there were no demons tormenting him, that the darkness had not taken over almost the entirety of his thoughts and his heart. For a few hours a week, he felt lighter, more optimistic, as he absorbed the rays of hope emitted by Emma in the form of a smile, a look or a good photograph.

He was aware that these moments were nothing but a mirage, a small oasis in the middle of the arid desert his soul had been transformed into long ago. He knew that when he returned to the solitude of his apartment, he would feel again the weight of the world on his shoulders. But at least during those moments, he allowed himself to dream about the possibility of a not so dark future.

"I know you Brits don't celebrate it, but do you have any plans for Thanksgiving?" Her question brought him back, driving him away from those troubled thoughts. Instead, his mind traveled to London, his lips drawing a longing smile.

"On the contrary, love, I'm quite familiar with that celebration."

"Oh." Her eyes widened slightly in surprise as her gaze held his, as if she was waiting for an explanation.

A warm feeling ran through his veins to his heart as a myriad of memories crowded his head. Even though it had been almost twenty years, he could still sense the aroma that came from the Nolans' kitchen that first time he and his brother were invited to celebrate that festivity.

That had been the first of many celebrations, the four of them together against the world. Killian had to blink a couple of times, his eyes stinging, suddenly overwhelmed by memories and sensations. Even after, when everything had gone to hell, his friends always managed to count on him on that special occasion, although he had nothing to be grateful for anymore.

Emma must have detected his condition because her features softened, a shadow of something similar to understanding crossed her gaze. She remained expectant, so he felt the need to offer some explanation. Before answering though, he had to swallow the lump formed in his throat. "My friends, the Nolans. They are Americans and let's say they dragged us into this tradition of yours."

"At least one of us has been fortunate in that regard." Her voice came in a murmur so faint that Killian thought for a moment he had imagined the words. His eyes narrowed as he studied her features for some hint, but Emma suddenly seemed very interested in the contents of her mug, her hair covering part of her face.

Her apparent involuntary confession, far from intimidating him, caused his curiosity to increase, as well as an innate protective instinct towards her, despite her appearance of a strong and tough woman. Killian clenched his jaw and ran his hand through his hair in an attempt to stop his urge to curl it into a fist while he wondered, not for the first time, what Emma was hiding behind that mask of determination. Before he could inquire though, she continued talking.

"I've been invited to Granny's." She gestured to the place in front. "Ruby told me that they make a special dinner that day for... for people like me." Her lips curled into a tiny smile that didn't reach her eyes. "It will be fun." She assured, although it seemed that she was trying to convince herself.

For people like me... The realization behind the meaning of her words hit him hard. People away from their family? Or rather without family at all? "I don't doubt it, love. Something tells me that any party that Ruby attends will be quite an event. Also, you can practice social photographs, aye?" Killian suggested, in an attempt to relieve the tension that seemed to have fallen on her shoulders. He knew from experience that it was not convenient to push on these occasions and they barely knew each other yet.

"Do you always keep photography in mind?" She teased with an arched brow, clearly relieved by the change of subject. "Not always, love. Sometimes I sleep." He replied through a grin, earning a giggle on her part. A beautiful sound, he thought, matching her beautiful features once the tension disappeared from her face. A small vestige remained in her eyes though, like a halo of sadness that made them look dangerously like the gaze that the mirror returned every time he looked at his reflection. A lost girl. He was now sure of that. The need to know more about Emma increased. But that would have to wait until the following week because, due to the Thanksgiving holiday, he would not teach classes this Saturday. Suddenly, the idea of spending a whole week without seeing those enigmatic green eyes and hearing her suggestive voice didn't seem appealing at all.

//

How was the party at Granny's, love? KJ

Ask me tomorrow, when I have recovered from the hangover. ES

No Black Friday, then? KJ

Don't tell me that the Nolans have also taught you that tradition. ES

No, that's the fault of your movies. KJ

How was your dinner, by the way? ES

Conventional, I suppose. Good food and good company. KJ

Turkey? ES

Turkey. KJ

Since we are talking about Thanksgiving I'd like to make a suggestion. KJ

I'm listening, or reading, whatever... ES

There will be no classes tomorrow but I'd like to show you something that I think you will appreciate. KJ

Photography related? ES

Always. KJ

Okay. ES

Good. See you on Saturday, in my apartment. I'll send you the address. KJ

 //

"May I come in?"

"Sure."

Killian realized that he had been frozen in the hall of his apartment maybe longer than necessary. He shook his head slightly and stepped aside so Emma could enter.

He still couldn't believe not only that Emma had accepted, but that he had made the offer in the first place. In his defense, it had been an improvised decision. While he had been chatting with Emma the day before, he had noticed his collection of cameras which were placed on a shelf in a privileged place in his living room. Killian had wondered what Emma's reaction would be if she saw those devices. And just like that, his fingers had begun to slide across the screen, offering the proposal to her.

"As you can see, it's a really small place." He commented while making a gesture encompassing the entire room in an attempt to break the ice.

"It's fine. My apartment is even smaller." Emma shrugged, offering him a shy smile. It seemed obvious that he was not the only nervous person in this awkward situation. Maybe that shouldn't be a relief, but in his case, it served to loosen a bit the nerves that had gripped his stomach.

"May I?" He asked, pointing to her jacket. She nodded as she took off it and handed it to him. "Make yourself comfortable, I'll be back in a second." Killian hung the jacket on the rack near the front door and headed toward the kitchen. "Do you want something to drink? Beer, coffee, tea?"

"A beer is fine, thank you."

Once in the momentary shelter of his kitchen, Killian forced himself to take two deep breaths as he took a long sip of his beer in an attempt to appease his nerves - or gain enough confidence to not behave like a complete fool in front of her.

The butterflies he had begun to feel in his stomach every time she was in his presence were not going to make it easy for him - that was obvious. From the moment the bell had rung, they had begun to flap furiously as he wondered if it had really been a good idea to invite Emma to his apartment.

He had only known her for three weeks, but that time had been enough for her to get under his skin in such a way as to make him unable to think of anything other than her and how he could help her enhance her talent.

At least the excuse of photography always existed between them, although he was fully aware that he was entering hazardous waters - and he was in danger of sinking beyond repair. The question was, was he willing to take the risk given all the demons that he was already carrying? He did not even have the courage to consider an answer.

After taking another swig of his beer, hoping that the bitter liquid would sweep away all his worries, he headed back to the living room, schooling his features so as not to betray his nervousness.

Kilian found Emma still standing, looking at some of the photos that were hanging on the wall. The moment she felt his presence, she turned around, searching his gaze.

"Have you brought all these photos from London?" She asked as she accepted the beer and brought the bottle to her mouth.

"Eh, no." Killian scratched behind his ear, as he put all his effort into diverting his gaze from her lips. "My friends chose the apartment and they even took care of the decoration. When I arrived, I just had to unpack." Mary Margaret had even filled the refrigerator and cupboards, turning an empty apartment into a place with a certain soul, he recalled as a wave of gratitude towards his friends washed over him.

"But you are the one who took the pictures, aren't you?" There was a special glow in her eyes, perhaps admiration? Killian wasn't sure.

"Aye."

Indeed, he had made all those photographs. David and Mary Margaret had been careful enough to choose them, making sure that there was no trace of desolation or sadness in them, just positivity, good memories and a hint of longing.

There were some black and white portraits that he had taken some time ago of his friends and even some self-portraits. David had also hung a couple of landscape photos that Killian had taken in his hometown, the place where, despite the abandonment and suffering he and Liam had endured, they had lived their childhoods, generating unforgettable family memories.

"They're good, Jones." Emma smiled at him, the brightness of her eyes increasing. "Although I guess you already know that."

"Well, I've been told a couple of times." He commented with ill-concealed pride, putting on again the mask of self-confidence, which had almost disappeared when the wave of memories had taken hold of him.

"So, were these photos what you wanted to show me? Because I must admit that I'm quite impressed. You could organize an exhibition with just this material." He should be used to the compliments he received for his work, but there was something in Emma, maybe the intensity of her gaze, maybe the glimpse of admiration in her voice, that caused his stomach to flutter without stopping while his chest swelled with pride and he lost the ability to function properly.

"Not really." They both placed the beers on the coffee table and Killian approached her, guiding her to the opposite wall, his hand in contact with the small of her back sending electric shocks all over his body. His heart thudded in his chest, in anticipation of what her reaction would be when she saw the cameras.

Once again, Emma managed to surprise him, but Killian was not sure if it was in a good way. The moment her gaze fell on the devices, her eyes widened slightly, as she extended a hand, sliding her fingers almost reverently over one of the cameras - an old Polaroid.

Killian's eyebrows went together as he studied her expression for some clue. It seemed that she was making great efforts not to burst into tears, her lips pressed together, her chin trembling subtly, her gaze thousands of miles away.

"Are you okay, Swan?" He couldn't help the concern in his voice as, in an impulse, his hand reached for her.

"I grew up in the foster care system..." She snapped suddenly but then trailed off, her gaze still lost. She blinked a couple of times and then looked up, her lips curving into a tiny smile. "This camera, or one of this kind, was the first purchase I made when I got some money."

So that was it, she was an orphan. Just like him. A shadow of something deep crossed her gaze, as an indication that her life had been far from pleasant. His heart tightened in his chest as a wave of sympathy towards her washed over him. He knew from his own experience that what she least needed at that moment was compassion. If she had decided to trust him, it was for some different reason and he had no intention of disappointing her. Once again, the photography came to his rescue.

"Do you still have it? The camera?" He asked in a soft tone as he gently squeezed her arm and gave her a smile that he hoped was comforting enough.

She shook her head while exhaling deeply. "No. I may have lost it when I was transferred from one house to another, but I still have the pictures I took with it." She paused for a moment while looking thoughtful, then continued talking, looking again at his gaze. "I had several cameras later until finally, I decided to just stick with the phone. A single object that included several functions seemed the most affordable option." She shrugged as if trying to justify herself. "But I still remember that camera and how powerful I felt when the image appeared in front of me in just a few minutes. It was like magic." Her smile became more genuine as a spark appeared in her eyes.

Killian was still surprised by the effect that photography seemed to have on them, as well as the strong connection between them, to the point of sharing the memories of their first camera. It was as if they had found the same way to channel their fears or frustrations, making their internal demons more bearable. Maybe it was really destiny who had decided that the path of these two lost souls would cross, he thought as a flame of hope seemed to intensify in his heart. It was still faint, but he was determined to cling to it with all his might.

Perhaps the time had come for him to also offer her some glimpse of his past, although he sensed that she knew much more about him than the other way around. "It's funny, Swan, because this was also the first camera I got. I was ten when my father abandoned us. My brother..." he trailed off as he tried to swallow the lump in his throat. Despite the fact that almost ten years had passed since Liam's death, he still felt his loss in the form of a fresh wound that never completely healed.

This time it was her turn to stretch out her arm, her hand searching for his as she squeezed it lightly. "He was working from dusk to dawn during the following months, and the first thing he got when he managed to save some money was this camera, trusting that maybe I would be distracted enough to forget the abandonment and its implications."

"Did it work?" Emma asked softly, her fingers drawing delicate patterns on the skin of his hand, causing a warm sensation to spread through his body, managing to stop the escalation of overwhelming thoughts that had begun to take hold of him.

"Aye. A new world opened before me the instant I realized I was able to capture small moments and make them eternal." His mind traveled to that small coastal town of England, the place where he grew up, while remembering fondly those years in which, despite the difficulties, he still had not lost hope and was able to look at the world with optimism through the lens of his camera.

They remained silent for a few seconds, their hands still intertwined as they watched the rest of the cameras. "We make quite the pair, right?" Emma commented in a light tone that still hid some vestige of sadness but at least she managed to relieve the tension, something to which he responded with a grateful smile. Her gaze then drifted to another of the cameras, an old Leica, one of his favorites.

"Whoa, this camera seems almost like a collector's." Her face lit up as she reached up to the camera, but her hand stopped before she touched the object. "May l?" She asked, hesitant.

"Sure, love. You can even take pictures with it."

"Are you sure?" She seemed reluctant, as if she did not dare touch the camera for fear of breaking it or something. If she knew the experiences that this camera had witnessed... It was a survivor, like its owner.

"I don't have these cameras as simple collection pieces, but as memories and as tools. Of course you can use them." Killian affirmed while he himself took the camera, and passed it to Emma.

"These cameras have traveled with you then? Yes?" She asked as she accepted the camera and held it carefully.

"Aye, and not only on my trip from London. Many of them have been my faithful companions on my numerous trips." And they are my only possessions, but he would not comment it out loud, not now that they had managed to channel the conversation, leaving their ghosts of the past forgotten, at least for a while.

During the following minutes, Emma took pictures with the Leica while Killian explained the mechanisms and differences with a digital camera. It took a while for her to adapt at first, but once she managed to lose her fear of the object, she was gaining confidence until it seemed natural, even giving him instructions on how he should position himself while he was acting as an improvised model. He happily complied, of course, his stomach fluttering fiercely as his heart swelled a little with admiration towards this strong and determined woman who had managed to overcome her past.

Time flew by and before they knew it the film was finished. Killian wasn't willing to let her go so soon, though. Luckily for him, he still had some other resources up his sleeve.

"What do you think if we continue with our lesson? The next step would be to learn how to develop photographs." He suggested while arching his eyebrows.

"You mean the photos of this film?" Her eyes sparkled with excitement, while she pointed to the camera she still held.

"No, sadly." He rubbed the back of his head while he pursed his lips in apology. "That would take us hours or days, but I can teach you the basics and maybe you can come back another day to develop your photo film."

A shadow of disappointment crossed her face, but she seemed to recover quickly. "Wait a minute... Do you mean that you have a dark room like those that come out in the movies? With trays of chemical solutions and all that stuff?" Emma practically bounced excitedly as her face lit up.

"There is only one way to find out." Killian offered her his hand which Emma gladly accepted as she let herself be guided. While holding her hand, Killian could feel the warmth of her touch, his heart beating hard against his chest. He ignored the physical reactions of his body and focused on continuing to surprise Emma with his knowledge. That was the only thing that really mattered, wasn't it?

"Whoa, you definitely take photography seriously." Emma commented as soon as they reached the room. "It's all very professional, isn't it?" Before he could respond to the obvious, Emma continued talking. "Even at the risk of looking a little obsessed with your trip from London, did you bring all this from there - all the liquids and that huge equipment?"

Her comment and her bemused expression drew a deep chuckle from his chest. "That equipment is called enlarger and I'm afraid that was also David's work." His smile grew smaller as he remembered his friend's reasons. "It was his way of encouraging me to continue taking pictures after..." His voice trailed off as he raised his left arm showing his prosthesis.

An awkward silence fell over them as he cursed inwardly and wished that the darkroom had been in fact - dark- in order to hide his expression of embarrassment.

He cast a sidelong glance at Emma, to check her reaction. She bit her bottom lip, as if she was thinking what to say. Finally, she was the one who broke the silence. "They seem like the best friends. You're lucky in that regard, Jones."

"That I am." It was all he managed to say without having to reveal his emotions too much.

"By the way, I don't know if this would sound insensitive. As you may have deduced, my social skills are not my forte... Anyway…, you are perfectly capable of doing awesome photos with just one hand. Your friends know it. I know it. Now you just have to convince yourself as well."

This time it was she who reached for his hand and entwined her fingers with his, her lips drawing a warm smile. A wave of gratitude seized him, as well as an almost unstoppable desire to do something that he would later regret when his gaze drifted to her lips.

Instead, he cleared his throat and, after offering her a smile of gratitude, he commented, his voice coming in a slightly hoarse tone than usual. "Shall we continue with the lesson, Swan?"

He explained to her as best he could the process of developing and printing photographs, while they practiced with some old negatives. Maybe it was their proximity, maybe the fact that they were together in a space so small and dark, illuminated only by a lamp that emitted a dim, reddish light. The fact was that he felt less and less able to concentrate on his task when the only thing he could feel was the warmth that emanated from her body, her essence and her soft voice.

There was a moment when he unconsciously placed his prosthesis on her waist while he reached for a pair of tweezers. This time however, the contact did not make her jump by surprise, but pulled her even closer to him. It was like that, with his left arm surrounding her waist while she leaned lightly on his side, witnessing the appearance of the first images on photographic paper.

"It's like magic." She muttered as she stared at the trays that contained the newly printed photographs. He, however, was unable to look at anything other than her. Despite the semi-darkness that surrounded them, the red light allowed him to appreciate her profile with relative clarity. It was as if, once they had entered the darkroom, a spell of attraction towards her had fallen on him, rendering him unable to function properly when all thoughts were filled with her.

"Thank you, Killian." Her gaze finally strayed from the trays to find his. "For everything."

Her proximity was driving him crazy, causing the butterflies of his stomach to flap mercilessly while his heart threatened to come out of his chest. Maybe for that reason, he put on the mask of seduction while leaning slightly towards her, tapping his lips with his fingers. "Well, maybe gratitude is in order now that we're in Thanksgiving week."

"Yeah, that's what the 'thank you' was for."

He was playing with fire, but something had seized him, making him unable to properly process what was happening, so he let himself be carried away by his instincts. The time to assume the consequences would follow later.

"That all my masterclass is worth to you?"

He murmured the words full of intention and stepped forward, but far from intimidating Emma, he seemed to capture her interest, since, after rolling her eyes, she addressed him in a no less seductive tone. "Please... You couldn't handle it."

Killian shortened the distance between them even more, his gaze traveling briefly from her lips to her eyes, the faint reddish lighting doing wonders on her face, making it even more attractive  "Perhaps you're the one who couldn't handle it." He whispered with a deliberate emphasis on the final t, his eyes never leaving hers.

Emma seemed to accept the challenge though since, almost without giving him time to react, she grabbed him by the t-shirt and crushed his lips with her own in a demanding and heated kiss. Despite the initial shock, Killian acted quickly, cradling the back of her head with his right hand as he circled her waist with his left arm, pushing her even closer to him.

Her intoxicating taste, as well as the softness of her lips, caused his head to spin. He moaned against her mouth and angled his head to allow her deeper, causing his blood to run burning through his veins, spreading a warmth all over his body.

Just as their tongues began their first dance together, Emma pushed back, resting her forehead against his, both trying to catch their breaths. "That was..." His voice sounded like a muffled murmur, still too entranced by what had just happened.

"A one-time thing..." She breathed against his lips as she released the grip on his shirt and started to move away. "I..." The gloom of the room did not allow him to clearly observe her features, and he almost was grateful for it, because he was not sure he could bear to see the regret written over her face. "...I have to go."

Before he could react though, she had already left, leaving him alone, surrounded by darkness, while his lips tingled and his whole body hummed, craving more kisses like that.

Killian shook his head as his heart tightened in his chest, an overwhelming thought crossing his mind. He not only hadn't been able to handle it, but was probably also making the biggest mistake of his life. In no way could he develop feelings for anyone, much less for Emma Swan. He was not going to drag her into his spiral of misery.

Even so, although he was sure that Emma had made the right decision to leave, that did not stop him from feeling for a few seconds as if the last pieces of a complex puzzle had finally fit. Now, however, he ran the risk of that puzzle blowing to even smaller bits, making it impossible for the pieces to come together again. He let out a deep exhale as he rubbed his lips with his fingers, the vestige of her taste still lingering. He was so fucked up.

//

 Is our exclusive Tuesday class still remaining? KJ

What did you have in mind? ES

Nature photos? KJ

Okay. ES

Good. See you on Tuesday. KJ

 //

Even though Emma had confirmed that she would come, Killian was not entirely sure, since, after the kiss-incident, they hadn't seen each other again, nor had they maintained any communication except for the brief exchange of texts the other day.

For that reason, when he saw her appear at the entrance to the park in all her glory, he couldn't prevent a wide grin appearing on his face. He quickly schooled his features so as not to give away his excitement. Only a tiny smile remained on his face when his gaze met hers.

She was stunning that afternoon. Her long golden hair fell in gentle waves over her shoulders, while the unusual sun of late November illuminated her face. Despite her serious expression, her eyes showed a special brightness that he could not decipher. He had to suppress the urge to grab the camera and immortalize the fire in her gaze.

"Hi."

"Hey." She crossed her arms over her chest in a somewhat defensive manner, a faint crease between her eyebrows, her lips pressed together.

Although maybe she should be the one to explain, since it was she who started the kiss in the first place and who left after not giving them time to clarify what happened, he was in need of breaking the awkward silence that had fallen over them. He swallowed hard as he scratched behind his ear and his lips drew a small smile. "About the other day..."

"It was just a kiss." She cut him off abruptly. A sigh escaped her mouth before she continued as she shoved her hands in her back pockets and tilted her head slightly, seeking his gaze. "Look, the other day was a mistake... I mean, it's not going to happen again. It's better if we keep this relationship..." She gestured with her hand pointing to both of them "...if stay in that, in something merely educational. "

"Educational..." He echoed her word as he narrowed his eyes, studying her features in search of something, some hint that her feelings might be similar to his own. "There is no room for friendship then?" Killian challenged, holding her gaze. After a few seconds, she was the first to look away, while Killian counted it as a small victory. "Do you want me to treat you as a mere student, Swan?"

"I don't know." She exhaled deeply, rubbing her forehead with her hand, clearly uncomfortable with the conversation. "It's complicated, and I don't want complications in my life, not now when I've found some kind of stability, and I don't want to screw things up in class." Her eyes returned to look for his and he held her gaze, keeping silent. "So, can we leave things as they are, forget what happened and... we'll keep figuring it out along the way? Please?" Her voice sounded almost like a plea as she bit her lower lip and gave him a disarming look.

"As you wish." He showed his agreement with a slight bow of his head. Maybe it was the spark he detected in her green eyes, just a glimpse, but promising enough, maybe the inability he felt to deny her anything, or maybe it was the fact that she was right. The fact was that Killian decided to accept her conditions, since she left the door open to maintain this kind of friendship that had been created between them. It was better for both of them if they slowed down any feelings that had started to blossom.

"Good..." Her smile of relief did nothing to calm his inner turmoil, though. "What do you think if we start the lesson, professor?"

He tried to concentrate on the practices while making sure that she understood all his explanations, maintaining a strictly professional image. But it was hard, almost torture, because each time their hands accidentally touched, he felt like an electric shock ran through his body. Each time he caught a glimpse of her gaze, his mind imagined how her eyes would shine under more pleasurable situations. Each time he felt his body next to hers, he felt her warmth radiating from her and attracting him like a magnet.

At the end of the class, he found himself with mixed feelings. On the one hand, he was willing to distance himself from her, and thereby release all the accumulated tension. On the other hand, the mere thought of not seeing her until the following Saturday left his body tingling as his heart beat hard.

Just as they were saying goodbye until the following Saturday, a thought crossed his mind, hitting him hard to the point of feeling as if all the air had escaped his lungs. The Friday before his next class would be the tenth anniversary of his brother's death. The memory fell on him like a slab, his old demons threatening to surface with a show of all their destructive potential. For the first time in a long time though, he thought it might be more bearable for him to deal with the suffering of remembering his brother's unjust death, because in this way his mind would be distracted, leaving no room to think about Emma Swan and his possible feelings towards her.

//

Thanks for reading. Let me know what did you all think :)

What to expect from the next chapter? Angst is coming... We will know how Killian deals with the anniversary of Liam's death and how that leads him to a confrontation with David. He may find unexpected support in one of his students...

[meyerlansky]

Yes, please! I would love a daemon explanation, explanations and Boardwalk babbles are the best.

…is this for all of them

i’m gonna do all of them

because this is who i am as a person

FAIR WARNING LONG POST AHEAD and it’s even longer under the cut. also general disclaimer that this is all personal thoughts and rationale and i tried to make my reasoning as easy to follow as possible, but in a lot of cases there’s a not-insubstantial amount of symbolism/superficiality/whatever, and some choices have less biological rationale than others. second disclaimer that i TRIED to keep my reasons for picking daemons within the same taxonomic group consistent [i.e. all the people with canid daemons are canids for the same or similar reasons, all the bird daemons are bird-daemons for similar reasons, etc] but it’s not always the case. also not every set i’ve made has been posted yet, and not every set i’m planning has been finished, so if anyone wants to know rationale behind later daemons feel free to ask again :D OKAY SO HERE WE GO:

nucky — white-tailed eagle

from the start nucky’s pretty solidly been some kind of predatory sea bird in my head, for what are probably fairly obvious reasons: a predator because, like most of the characters i’ve continued to give predator/carnivore daemons [and there are a LOT of carnivore daemons], he makes his living off the desires—and suffering—of other people, a bird because he thinks of himself as more above the dirty work of street-level gangstering, and a sea bird because of how intrinsically his goals are tied to Atlantic City as a whole. originally i had an osprey for nucky, for a few reasons. one element of my reasoning for the osprey was their flashy coloring, to parallel his predilection for loud clothes a la his salmon suit in the early seasons, and the fact that ospreys are not technically considered “sea eagles,” which i thought fit with his position as more of a politician than a gangster. changing his daemon to a white-tailed eagle was actually kind of a snap decision on sunday night before i posted the first photoset, and… honestly i based the change on the fact that ospreys prefer to take their prey live, whereas the true sea eagles [including bald eagles, as a note] are far more open to scavenging after other predators have done the heavy lifting for them. so that kind of covers the “not a real gangster” angle as well as the more biological metaphor with the osprey. the flashiness analogue was lost a little bit, since ospreys are definitely a bit more exciting to look at, but nucky’s look sobers up after s1 and definitely after s2, so i figure it’s a worthwhile loss. white-tailed eagles also get a bonus in that they’re native to ireland and have been successfully reintroduced there, whereas ospreys apparently died out in ireland in the 19thc. there’s a few instances where i tried to match animal ranges to ethnicities, but i gave up on that when it became too limiting, but i still like to note it where it matches up :P

the other seven i’ve posted so far are under the cut!

eli — black bear

the fact that black bears are the most common and smallest of the north american bears drawing a parallel to eli’s inferiority complex is a minor reason, but really i picked a black bear literally so i could make the mama-bear joke, considering daemons are the “opposite” gender of their person. that’s literally it. he’s big, burly, and scary when you go after his kids, but pretty non-confrontational otherwise.

margaret — sand cat

OKAY SO margaret is another one who went through some changes, although hers aren’t as recent as “the sunday before i started posting the sets.” initially i had her as some kind of deer, specifically a fallow deer, back when i was sticking to the range-ethnicity parallel. deer also get scarily protective of their offspring, and they’re quiet but can be dangerous when backed into a corner, so it felt like… an okay fit, if not a perfect one. and then i thought about it some more, and let’s be real: margaret is as much a carnivore as the bulk of the cast, though not necessarily an APEX PREDATOR the same way a lot of the gangster daemons shook out to be. i toyed with giving her some kind of mustelid, but at the moment meyer’s the only one with one of those and she’s not QUITE coldly-ruthless enough to be in the same class as martens :P she got something that looks cute and pettable on the outside, but is actually extremely well-adapted to fill a carnivorous niche in harsh environments, which is a deliberate metaphor for her ability to survive no matter what she’s facing, while using other people’s perceptions to slide under the radar if need be. despite their cute appearance, sand cats also pack a bite force quotient of 136, which means that, relative to their body size, they deliver more force per bite than MANY other predators, including wolves, hyenas, and tigers. fitting, considering margaret is one of the only characters who can definitively be said to come out on top by the end of season five. a final tidbit for mags: she’s one of the few characters whose daemon i thought up a name for. his name is properly “gallchobhair” but once they get to the states it pretty quickly gets americanized to “gallagher” and they give up trying to correct people after a few months.

owen — yellow mongoose

owen gave me SO MUCH TROUBLE, you would not BELIEVE. for the same reasons i eventually settled on a sand cat for margeret, owen got a mongoose: cute to look at, but can fuck up anything that needs fucking up if they get in their way. initially i gave owen a river otter, because of their density in ireland, the aforementioned mustelid reputation of fucking shit up, and the connection between an aquatic mammal and his position as nucky’s bodyguard and bootlegging shipment protector. an otter for owen [haaa] never sat 100% perfectly with me, though, in no small part because the aquaticness of his job is really tangential to what he does and who he is as a character. also otters are mustelids, but they… aren’t exactly intimidating. mongooses, on the other hand, have the deserved reputation as cobra-killers, which is a bit more appropriate for a dude who sliced through a man’s fingers to choke him to death. that said, yellow mongooses don’t live off snakes and are pretty social creatures, which i thought was a decent parallel to owen wanting out of the gangster lifestyle and wanting to settle down with margaret, all interpretation as to whether he would’ve stuck with that aside. this is one of the choices i’m not completely confident with, so hopefully it doesn’t seem too horribly out-there to people with more of an investment in owen than i’ve got.

jimmy — ethiopian wolf

a lot of the gangster types have wild canids. it’s kind of unavoidable as a parallel, because gangsters tend to stick together in a way that cats don’t, but the apex predator position can’t go unacknowleged. i went with an ethiopian wolf for jimmy in particular because it’s not an especially well-known species, so i couldn’t get super slammed for being unoriginal by picking a grey wolf or something. they’re further down the evolutionary chain than jackals [who will make an appearance IN LATER PHOTOSETS] but not so far down as to be right next to or within the sphere of domesticated dogs; for the canids i interpreted relative-distance-from-domestication as commentary on how independent the character[s] in question operated throughout the show. jimmy is fairly reliant on his social connections, not willing to make moves on nucky until he has support from the other younger gangsters, but not totally unable to strike out on his own–even if he’s not running with a full-fledged “pack” of other younger gangsters, he’s always got at least one compatriot at his side in pretty much any endeavor. ethiopian wolves are also less physically intimidating than other larger wolf species, which fits jimmy’s tendency to think things through rather than rushing in and relying on brute force to win. and… alright, this is a reason decided upon in bad taste because i’m a bad person, and i debated whether i should cop to it or not, but i highly doubt anyone’s gonna even bother reading this, so: ethiopian wolves also have some of the highest rates of incidental inbreeding due to their tendency to not disperse offspring very far. there you go, i'm officially The Worst.

gillian — trumpeter swan

gillian as a swan is also probably a fairly obvious choice, between the water motif, the graceful beauty swans are known for, and the way they’ll peck your eyes out if you get too close to their roost—especially if they’ve got babies. again, the sees-self-as-above-dirty-work played into the choice of a bird daemon, and i’m also not opposed to the idea that gillian would be a witch the way many bird-daemon-havers are in the HDM canon. nucky probably isn’t a witch, but gillian totally could be. anyway, i went with a trumpeter swan specifically because they’re the biggest of the north american swans, and gillian runs with some pretty big players, so i thought it fit. they also are somewhat pleasant to listen to compared to other swans, their calls do sound a bit like trumpets as the name implies, which fits with gillian’s preference to talk her way out of situations by telling other people things they don’t mind hearing. they were also on the brink of extinction in the early 20th century, which would add to the air of exceptionality and desirability gillian cultivates for herself. i know rose definitely helped out with this one so a lot of the credit goes to her on what gillian got.

angela— desert cottontail

i’ll accept flak for giving angela one of the only purely-herbivorous daemons among the whole cast, but really nothing else i tried out for her fit as well. rabbits are small, quiet, and as one of the few characters who’s essentially a noncombatant through the show, she got a noncombative species. since angela is hardly antisocial the more solitary rabbit species didn’t quite fit, but for me one of her defining characteristics is her disinterest in traditional domesticity, so the european rabbit with its extensive social burrows was out too. desert cottontails strike a happy medium, as they’re more comfortable with shared or overlapping territories than many hares and larger rabbits, but don’t nest communally. rabbits also give birth to young that can’t fend for itself immediately after birth, which felt fitting since angela rejects domesticity but wholly embraces motherhood. also credit to rose on this one because i’m pretty sure we talked about hedgehogs for angela which put me on the path of small herbivores; i think i was still in “daemons should either be new world animals or range match character ethnicity” mode and went for rabbit instead because of that BUT CREDIT WHERE IT’S DUE ANYWAY FOR TRAIN OF THOUGHT

richard — rhodesian ridgeback

probably there’s disagreement out there on this one, especially given where i stand on what a domesticated animal as your daemon means about your strength of will, but from what i remember of HDM canon, soldiers tend to have loyal fall-in-line types of animals like canines, so career-soldier richard got a domestic dog. as for the breed, rhodesian ridgebacks are visually-intimidating dogs with a protective streak but generally calm in adulthood. they tend to be good with kids, especially when the dogs themselves are older and their energy level isn’t puppyish anymore. not super invested in this one, you might be able to tell :P