#I hate having a v*g LOOOOL

[kylos-starlight]

*sigh* god damn- well that was a whole load of "fucking sucks" LOL

So I used to take depo shot but ya know went for a bone density test and they were like "hey you failed. stop taking depo or you're gonna get a bone disease" so I stopped. Every so often I'd get a few symptoms like cramping and lower back pain...

TODAY THERE HAS BEEN A MASSACRE! >_>;;; I have no symptoms (yet) I was just sitting here playing FF9 and puttering around hellsite and stuff and them I FELT IT

IT RELEASED SO MUCH IT LOOKS LIKE I AM DYING LIKE IT WAS A LOT!!!! instantly ruined my pjs forever kinds of a lot like there was so much it was down the back of my legs to my knees!

My body was like "Oh you haven't bled for three years? LETS FIX THAT!"

IT WAS SO GROSS AND I CRIED BECAUSE IT SCARED ME THEN IT CLICKED I am not on depo now and my body is finally regulating to not being on it anymore. I stopped depo in November.

GOD THAT SUCKED SO MUCH! I took a Tylenol JUST IN CASE the back pain comes and I have a penguin stuffy where you unbutton the back and there is a big rice bag in him so you can microwave the bag and stuff it back in the penguin. Gonna cuddle that because I feel like soon the cramps will come and they will be bad... they were agonizing before I started taking depo so now.. it might be bad

[aloneatl4st]

Touch Starvation

Hello friends.

I would like to tell a story. A story about the last real romantic interaction i experienced that has left me feeling kind of empty.

I was 16 at the time, just before i started 10th grade (so around September of 2020).I used to hang out with a close childhood friend of mine amd her friend. Lets call her Jess and him Mark for reference.

I was outside woth Jess and Mark and we were aty citys most known mall, outside sitting on the grass of the big park it had.

I had been told we were waiting for a friend of Marks that was moving into our city to study. Lets call this friend Robert.

Time passes and Robert arrives. A soon as he approaches us i kind of feels like hes definitely not straight but me and jess were jokingly fighting over him behind his back as he was in front of us with Mark talking about random stuff.

Skipping a day of random stuff I actually find out he is bisexual after i tell him im gay (i do not remember the context but it wasnt in any way relationship related, we were just being ourselves). I remember him asking of me to not actually tell anyone because we were hanging out with another girl and another person. Tgese 2 people along with Mark were moderately homophobic, but I was never really afraid to tell them I am gay, however i did say i wont tell anyone.

Some time passes and we end up in a little park woth a very large and round swing where he sets himself beside me and we... just kind of talk. He actually ends up talking about how he feels used by all the men hes been with and when I ask him where does he find the men in question he answers Grindr. I tell him that he shouldn't expect smth good out of Grindr but i dont have the most convincing talent so he kinda just brushes it off.

At that point it was safe to say that i liked him. Robert would hook up with random men just attempting to get an actual relationship but it was just a waste of time.

More time passes and our whole group of friends ends up being outside at 1 AM somewhere close to my home, and it was really chilly outside. I only brought a flimsy jacket with me but i was s h i v e r i n g.

A few friends were just sitting on the bench, including Jess, Mark and Robert. One of the homophobic girls i mentioned earlier was snuggled up to Robert and he was just kind of existing, he had a hoodie on.

Needless to say, I was jealous LOL so I pretended to be very cold and to refuse Robert's advice of "also snuggling up to him". But i gave in, I'm just kind of petty looool.

It is kind of pathetic to say it out loud like this but that was the first time i ever got that close to a man in terms of being hugged/hugging back. Since im vocal enough about being gay my male classmates really just keeo their fair distance from me and hugging ig just isnt a "man" thing. My birthday is during Christmas too so i cant get birthday hugs at school.

I also have no male friends either so yea that was the first time i got a good cuddle from a man.

It felt... warm. I was close to crying in that moment because he had his arm wrapped around my neck as i was snuggling into his right shoulder/right side of his chest, as the other girl was on his left. I have always been touch starved but after that night when i had to let go of Robert... i felt seriously empty

He was 19 and secretly taken so nothing would've worked out, but i found out too late and an emotional bond was already formed.

I asked him to meet me at the top of the outside stairs of the park where there was a fountain. I was planning on confessing, even if i knew about our age cap. All i knew was that i missed that warmth he provided for me in that one moment. Half way through the confession i chicken out and instead of saying "I like you" i said "i liked you".

he laughs.

not in a "lmao how could i like you lol". More like a "oh haha thats crazyy". So i kept on with the convo and told him that i needed to look at some stuff through the mall and he said he wants to tag along.

After that day i had found out that he was actually growing sick of the friend group and he was just overall being a mess and mean for no reason.

He was basically excluded from our friend grouo6and i havent heard of him ever since.

I hate him for how mean he became for no apparent reason. But i miss his touch. I miss his warmth.

I want to feel the warmth of a man once again. Just once, since to that moment i have never been ina relationships with someone, even to today i have always been single.

Touch Starvation is a cute book trope I guess, but i genuinely do not wish it on anyone. It has left me feeling dead constantly and like the obky priority for me should be romantic love, not achievements, education of stronger friendship bonds.

[citrontart]

a-z tag

thank you for the tag @mummasim!! yo i tag @bratsims, @kismet-sims, @cherrysimblr, @tranquilitysims, @mysteriousdane if you guys want to :-)

A // AGE: 21 B // BIGGEST FEAR: failure C // CURRENT TIME: 11:26pm D // DRINK YOU HAD LAST: milk!! E // EVERYDAY STARTS WITH: groaning and crawling out of bed F // FAVOURITE SONG: you & me flume remix by disclosure G // GHOSTS ARE REAL?: i’m not ruling it out - i thoroughly enjoy watching videos theorising about the existence of ghosts as well as shit like buzzfeed unsolved sooOOooo yes i guess H // HOMETOWN: melbourne born and raised :’-)))) I // IN LOVE WITH: ?/ the sims?? food?? my boyfriend??/ flume???  J // JEALOUS OF: people who love their jobs  K // KILLED SOMEONE: UMMM who knows :-) L // LAST TIME YOU CRIED: probably two days ago LOL N // NUMBER OF SIBLINGS: one older sister O // ONE WISH: for me and the people i love to be happy :-( sighs this took a dark turn P // PERSON YOU LAST CALLED/TEXTED: my bf Q // QUESTIONS YOU’RE ALWAYS ASKED: what’s your origin id LOOOOL  S // SONG LAST SANG: i hate singing but the last song i sang to was sorry by jb because i was at his concert omfg U // UNDERWEAR COLOUR: black! V // VACATION DESTINATION: PARIS take me back :’-( or tokyo too  W // WORST HABIT: always forget to cut my nails and they grow super long then they break and i’m in pain and regret not cutting them earlier X // XRAYS YOU HAVE HAD: my spine (i can’t even remember why), teeth and knees!! Y // YOUR FAVOURITE FOOD: CAKE omg Z // ZODIAC SIGN: cancer