#I literally carry a tiny tube of polyhedral dice everywhere I go in case of a spontaneous game of D&D

[scarlettgauthor]

Dear Sam Reich,

I know you're here on Tumblr and I fully suspect you namesearch yourself. (No shade, I do the same thing to see people saying nice things about my books!)

I'm Scarlett Gale. You don't know me yet, but my new life's goal is to get internet famous enough for you to book me on DropOut. I'm hot. I'm weird. I'm deeply qualified. I have no dignity. I have a very specific list of skills and experience:

Community musical theater ages 5-20

Internationally recognized burlesque performer for over a decade

Experience with improv AT ANIME CONVENTIONS

Cosplayer

Started playing D&D with version 2.5 when we still had to calculate THAC0

Co-produced and performed in the Alison Bechdel-approved Bechdel Test Burlesque, which was included in the Women and Gender Studies program at the University of Oregon

Femdom fantasy romance novelist

Cat lover

Competent juggler

Put me on your shows. As many of them as you want. I will do Game Changer. I will do a Dimension 20 campaign. I will do Um, Actually. I will bring my own costume wardrobe and wear a strappy bra and a very cool cape and switch wigs every five minutes just to be confusing.

Here is a picture of me eating cheese backstage while dressed as Wonder Woman:

You will not regret booking me. I'll fit in perfectly: I have a BA in Digital Art and lower back pain.

Thank you for your time, Scarlett Gale