#I love this song so fucking much. Duncan does get sick of it but I shan't be swayed. best song. an endless delight

[ereborne]

Song of the Day: May 4

"The Ultimate Jedi Who Wastes All the Other Jedi and Eats Their Bones" by The Mountain Goats

[dickytwister]

J and L for elliot and T and Z for duncan >:00

aaaa thank you >:))

elliot

J: Joy

1. what makes them happy?

before the events of the game, when he gets to hope county, he finds happiness in very small things like seeing his plants are ✨thriving✨, being allowed to pet people’s dogs, having his own place to sleep in and his own desk at the sheriff’s station,,, he’s overall just happy to be there u know?? after the arrest, though, it’s much harder to be actually happy about things, but he still smiles when dogs in fall’s end run to him or when he finds a good song on the radio

2. who makes them happy?

kim and nick have been his friends since he got to hope county and it always makes him happy to spend time with them, especially since they got carmina and he can be A Dad for a little while ;w; even though they bitch a lot, he and staci are good friends and elliot loves hanging out with him and joey,,, and in the end being with john makes him happier than it makes him stressed, especially after they leave the bunkers, and he gets to be not only A Dad, but also An Annoying Husband 😎😎

3. are there any songs that bring them joy?

god okay so before the arrest he’d do karaoke in the spread eagle bc i decided that’s just a thing they do and like any song he could yell like a dumbass,, rebel yell by billy idol,,, holding out for a hero by bonnie tyler,,, funkytown by lipps inc,,, sometimes when he’s busy sewing his clothes or his ghillie suit he hums them and tap his foot to the rhythm and it makes him a bit happier uwu

4. are they happy often?

when you look at his life in general he,,, rlly doesn’t look happy that often asdlkjgl the major part of his life has been fuck up after fuck up and he got to a point where he didn’t think he could get up again, but the more he grows and fights the happier he gets ;w; he’s happy much more often when he gets to be himself without responsibilities and guilt weighing down on him

5. what brings them the most joy in the world?

it rlly would be just hanging out with the people he loves?? like if he could be surrounded by all the people he cares for and just watch them interact and talk and smile he’d be at his happiest, knowing they’re all safe and just as happy

L: Lemons

1. what is their favorite fruit?

raspberries!! godtier fruit honestly

2. what is their least favorite fruit?

pears,,,, 

3. are there any foods they hate?

not rlly?? he’s kinda gotten used to eating tasteless food or food that’s kinda like,,, meh,,, but one thing he’d only eat at gunpoint is spaghetti squash

4. do they have any food intolerances?

mystery meat <3

5. what is their favorite food?

his mother’s beef stew ewo,,, she’d make it for him when he was sick or sad and it still comforts him

duncan

T: Truth

1. are they honest?

he’s honest to a certain point, but he doesn’t see any harm in a white lie here and then. he’d rather lie than hurt someone’s feelings with his honesty BUT when he’s on the job he’s usually very honest and will tell people the truth, tho he’ll try to be tactful when it comes to bad news 

2. can they tell if someone is lying?

depending on how good the person is at hiding their emotions on their face, he’ll be able to tell whether they’re lying or not, but he usually trusts that people will be honest with him lest it makes his job a lil difficult ngfdhl

3. is it obvious when they’re lying?

a big lie?? oh yea big times asldkjgl he has a very expressive face and doesn’t like lying about important stuff so he usually kinda just looks away but that’s a major tell that he’s, in fact, lying HHHH but he can throw little lies here and there without anyone paying attention to it

4. have they lied about anything they regret lying about?

hmmm,,, gonna sound cheesy for a sec but he regrets telling staci he wasn't in love with him,,, he's the kinda guy who falls in love hard and fast and he didn't want to scare him off, plus he didn't want to risk fucking up bc of the poor models he's had, so he lied and now during the events of the game he regrets not telling pratt how he actually felt bc he doesn't know if he'll get the chance to do it ;-;

5. have they told truths that have been spread against their will?

okay this one is on him bc he told adelaide abt his crush on staci and adelaide just,,, immediately told everyone at the spread eagle he didn’t mind mind but he was still shocked when sharky randomly tried to give him relationship advice out of nowhere

Z: Zebra

1. what’s their favorite animal?

the rottweiler!! he used to have one when he lived with his dad and they took her with them when they went hunting <3

2. do they like animals?

he rlly does, and he loves reading abt animals on the internet (sometimes gets lost on wikipedia for hours reading abt some obscure animal no one’s heard about) 

3. cats or dogs?

why choose when you can have both,,,

4. what’s their dream pet?

he rlly wants a pig and a cow >:(( big cuddle potential

5. do they have any pets at the moment?

he has a fish called jean-christophe 👁👄👁 he’s the kinda fool who shoves his hand in the aquarium to pet his fish,,, madman

ask me the abc's of my ocs 💚

[llucy-san]

OTP Questions Meme

I was tagged by always supportive and wonderful friend of mine @nightwingshero 🥰💕 thank you Jo for always thinking about me.

I took me a while to do it cause I haven’t much thought about this details but here it is.

John Seed & Hayley Moore

DISAGREEMENTS

Who is more likely to raise their voice? Neither of them. John sometimes gets moody, but he'd never raise his voice at Hayle.

Who threatens to leave but never actually does? Neither.

Who actually keeps their word and leaves? The only time Hayley left was while they were  still engaged. She foolishly believed things that weren’t true, but later  the truth came to light.

Who trashes the house? Neither of them.

Do either of them get physical? No, John would never hurt Hayley and Hayley's the same.

How often do they argue/disagree? Arguing? No. Disagree? Sometimes. They don’t always agree with each other or have the same opinion, but it’s always about normal things.

Who is the first to apologize? Depends on who started. Hayley admits she was wrong, but there's no way that same could be said about John. He doesn't say it out loud, but rather with a bouquet of her favourite roses and with puppy eyes of his.

SEX

Who is on top? Usually, John but Hayley sometimes takes her chance, and John has to admit that he enjoys the view.

Who is on the bottom? Look above.

Who has the strangest desires? They do have some, they likes to explore each other but  there is nothing strange.

Any kinks? Look above.

Who’s dominant in bed? John, absolutely .

Is head ever in the equation? Sometimes.

If so, who is better at performing it? They share but I'd say John's more experienced.

Ever had sex in public? Of course. Listen to me, John couldn't help himself, sometimes in his office, in his car or in the old Duncan mansion. However, after arriving in County, they eased a bit, but their little place is down in the docks.

Who moans the most? Hayley, and John is proud of himself. But even Hayley can't be ashamed of herself, she can play his games too.

Who leaves the most marks? John, he likes to leave love marks, but Hayley leaves small marks of her own too.

Who is the more experienced of the two? John.

Do they ‘fuck’ or ‘make love’? Usually according to the mood, but it always ends with making love.

Rough or soft? Depends on the mood.

How long do they usually last? John usually lasts longer than Hayley. But it depends on how tired they are.

Is protection used? At the beginning of their relationship, Hayley was on birth control but later she stopped.

Does it ever get boring? Nope, not at all.

Where is the strangest place they’d have sex? On the roof of their ranch.

FAMILY

Do they plan on having children/or have children? They didn't think much of having kids. Hayley wanted to build a career first as a lawyer and later find a life partner, and John didn't think much about it, given his past and his acquaintances. However, when they were together as a couple, this idea was there. And yes, they do have kids.

If so, how many children do they want/have? They have twins, son and daughter.

AFFECTION

Who likes to cuddle? They both do. Just hanging out, wrapped in a blanket, enjoying each other company.

Who gets naughty in the most inappropriate of places? John, absolutely John. This boy won't stop at anything to get what he wants, and that is to see his wife blush only from what he whispers in her ear during Joseph's service.

Who struggles to keep their hands to themself? John wins. One time, while they were still living in Atlanta during a conference, he just couldn't help himself, his hand “just happened” to land on her thigh and went higher and higher.

Who gives the most kisses? John.

What is their favourite non-sexual activity? Talking to each other in bed or just spending time together or later with their kids.

Where is their favourite place to cuddle? Most of the time on the couch, John's head in her lap, her fingers combing through his hair and reading her favourite book. The second option is a bed, where they talk until they fall asleep.

How often do they get time to themselves? Depends on how they manage to combine time. John is very busy with baptisms and confessions and Hayley helps those souls who find it difficult to face their fears to accept the place in project.

SLEEPING

Who snores? Neither of them, Hayley just wrinkles her nose in her sleep and John finds it cute.

If both do, who snores the loudest? -

Do they share a bed or sleep separately? They share.

If they sleep together, do they cozy up together or lay far apart? They cozy up.

What do they wear to bed? Hayley most often wears John's old hoodie he had from the time when he was studying law, which she stole from a night spent in the old Duncan residence. John usually wears sweatpants.

Are either of them insomniacs? Just John, beacuse of his nightmares.

Can sleeping pills be found by the bedside? No.

Do they wrap their limbs around each other or just lay side by side? They both tend to wrap themselves around each other and keep the partner close.

Who wakes up with bed hair? They both do.

Who wakes up first? John most often.

Who prepares breakfast in bed for the other? Of course it's John. Hayley can't cook, but that doesn't mean that when she cooks, she's gonna burn the kitchen. She just loves his culinary skills.

What is their favourite sleeping position? Curled up with each other, Hayley's head tucked under his chin and his arms wrapped around her waist or her back pressed against his chest.

Do they set an alarm each night? Nope.

Can a television be found in their bedroom? No.

Who has nightmares? Only John who has nightmares about his past with Duncans.

Who has ridiculous dreams? Hayley, sometimes.

Who sprawls out and takes up most of the bed? Neither.

Who makes the bed? Hayley.

What time is bed time? They don't have, they like to talk about their day and later they fall asleep.

Who’s the grumpiest when they wake up? John, he can be a brat sometimes.

WORK

Who is the busiest? John, he has more to do in project.

Who rakes in the highest income? Upon arrival in the County, they no longer receive a salary, EG supports them instead.

Are any of them unemployed? No.

Who takes the most sick days? Hayley always finds out that something is wrong with her husband, even though he tries to hide it, but eventually she usually convinces him to take a few days off. 

Who is more likely to turn up late to work? Neither of them.

Who sucks up to their boss? Neither. They're practically bosses themselves.

What are their jobs? Before Joseph found John, Hayley worked for him in his law firm and later became his partner. Not just in life, but at work. After coming to Hope, John became the Baptist (Inquisitor) of Eden’s Gate and Hayley his right hand-woman.

Who stresses the most? Hayley, no doubt.

Are they financially stable? Yes.

HOME

Who does the washing? John cooks and Hayley washes.

Who takes out the trash? They share it.

Who does the ironing? Hayley.

Who does the cooking? Definitely John, he's a great cook.

Who is more likely to burn the house down just trying? Hayley!! She likes to sit on the kitchen counter and watch him cook.

Who is messier? Neither of them.

Who leaves the toilet roll empty? Neither.

Who leaves their dirty clothes on the floor? Neither of them.

Who forgets to flush the toilet? Neither.

Who is the prankster around the house? John, still acting like a little kid.

Who loses the car keys when it comes time to go somewhere? Neither.

Who mows the lawn? They have people for that, but Hayley doesn't mind to do that. She likes to do jobs around the house, especially taking care of the flowers.

Who answers the telephone? Both.

Who does the vacuuming? Hayley.

Who does the groceries? John.

Who takes the longest to shower? Obviously John.

Who spends the most time in the bathroom? John, it takes him a long time to get ready for the day, and Hayley makes fun of it sometimes. “Sweetie, sometimes I think you're more of a woman than I am.”

MISCELLANEOUS

Is money a problem? No.

How many cars do they own? Hayley has her camaro and John his SUV.

Do they own their home or do they rent? They own ranch.

Do they live in the city or in the country? Country.

Do they enjoy their surroundings? They both loved city life and everything that life offered them. But when they moved to Hope, they wouldn't have traded their ranch for anything. John loves the open sky and Hayley loves the nature that surrounds their home.

What’s their song? Wherever you will go by Charlene Soraia

What do they do when they’re away from each other? First of all it’s the job in project or doing something around the house (more likely Hayley) John likes to holed up in his hangar or spend time with twins.

Where did they first meet? At Nadia's bar (her best friend from college) but officially face-to-face at the audition for a new job at his firm.

Who spends the most money when out shopping? John likes to surround not only his wife but also his children with many gifts.

Who’s more likely to flash their assets? Neither.

Who finds it amusing when the other trips over? They both do.

Any mental issues? John from his childhood.

Who’s terrified of bugs? Hayley, she hates any kinds of bugs.

Who kills the spiders around the house? John does.

Their favourite place? There are many, the riverbank at the docs, the backyard. . .

Who pays the bills? John.

Do they have any fears for their future? No, if the opportunity arises, the fisrt one will support the other.

Who’s more likely to surprise the other with a fancy dinner? John, definitely him.

Who’s the tallest? John. Hayley is just 5′6″, reaching his nose.

Who’s more likely to just randomly hop into the shower with the other? *cough* John.

Who wanders around in their underwear? John but only when he is looking for fresh clothes.

Who sings the loudest when singing along to the radio? Hayley doesn't like to sing in front of anyone. She likes to sing to herself and later to her children.

What do they tease each other about? Hayley makes fun of how long it takes John to get ready in the morning and John, on the other hand, makes fun of her drinking, because Hayley can't take much. She is bad drinker.

Who is more likely to cringe at the other’s fashion sense at times? Neither of them.

Who crushed first? I wouldn't put it that way, but the more time they spent together, the more they'd bond.

Any alcohol or substance related problems? John, in his past but Hayley help him taught how to not go the same way as he used to.

Who is more likely to stumble home, drunk, at 3am? Neither, John is used to alcohol and know how much he can handle and he take care of Hayley to not drink much.

Who swears the most? Both but John more.

I don’t know who already did this but. . . @oktraoktra @tomexraider @yedrua97 @strangestarheart @seed-addicted @wibbiboy @thekillingjokeisonyou

[borisbubbles]

ESC 2019 Preshow #09

09. ITALY Mahmood - “Soldi” Autoqualifier

👏SOL 👏 DI 👏 SOL👏 DI 👏

ENTRY ANALYSIS

Much like Jonida, Mahmood sort of slipped for me when I grew more attached to other songs, but that does not mean he’s not fucking amazing! I, too, fell in love with “Soldi” on first listen when I noticed the lyrics rhymed “Ramadan” with “Jackie Chan”. 😍 😍 😍 😍. 

Other amazing things about “Soldi” include: the 👏 use 👏 of 👏 clapping 👏 as 👏 punctuation 👏, the ~Iconic~ lines in Arabic during the middle eight and the wonderful message. It was the FIRST SONG IN THIS YEAR WHICH MADE ME SHED A TEAR!!!  😭😭😭 I don’t know how or why, but I listened to the song with translated lyrics and it just *clicked* for me. I WAS LYING SICK IN BED WITH THE FLU, OKAY. Forgive me my momentary weakness!!!

So is it any wonder “Soldi” was greeted with near-unanimous critical acclaim and support? No, of course not. It’s a fantastic song and 100% deserved to win San Remo!

...

okay, so San Remo...  I did *NOT* watch it but I’m aware of Irama, Loredana and Simone, so consider those the reps if I had bothered with an NF corner. Ideal Husband Material, Blue-haired Rocker Hag and Random Dude Who Reads Poetry (not sings. reads.) respectively <3

Slated to win San Remo this year was Ultimo, who entered San Remo with some pretentious piano ballad called “I tuoi particulari” which as the name implies was particularly boring. God what a yawnfest. However, it as also the audience favourite somehow? Him?

So, the juries marked it down just enough so ‘Soldi’ won instead because again, BORING don’t work. Ultimo, instead of being like “well I lost, but oh well, I wasn’t going to Eurovision anyway*”, showed his true Salvador colours by throwing a temper tantrum on social media and spent the entire press conference uglysobbing about how quality was denied (his own words! He refered to *himself* as quality!).

(*he said he would never do Eurovision because he believes it is Eurovision is beneath him 😬)  Oh and some right-wing Forza politicians chimed with their usual drivel that Mahmood was unfit to represent Italy because Mahmood is gay & half-arabic while Italy is a vafanculo blob of fragile masculinity which can only be properly represented by drug-riggen, ugly-tattoo’d brats. Guess what? WE 👏 DON’T👏 CARE. 👏 FOR YOUR 👏 MODERN TIME 👏 PREACHIN’  👏 FORTUNATELY, Mahmood agreed to do ESC (after a week long thinking period lol) and all was well in this world . 👏 ANOTHER VICTORY FOR QUALITY  👏

Edit note: it has become apparent that my brash and snarky assesment was largely malinformed, but user @wingednerdydude​  provided a pretty detailed summation of the situation. 

It’s a quite long explanation I’ll put a tl;dr to appease the fans:  Ultimo did indeed not take the loss well, but the media also took an off-hand comment he made about Mahmood out of context and he retaliated, which led a lot of a unnecessary drama and mutual poo-slinging. It’s not just the ESC fans that overdramatize shit, who knew. 

For those who want to read it:

Ultimo never insulted Mahmood or said one single bad thing about him or that his song was better than Soldi, let's make this clear from the start. It's also true that he never even said anything complimenting him or his song. Mahmood actually said he never spoke to him nor heard from him in any way. The only thing Ultimo ever said is that he is happy for Mahmood and his success, that's it. If Ultimo really did compliment him then I never read or watched such interview

The mess during Sanremo's press conference blew up right when Ultimo said he was happy for (I'm quoting) "the other ragazzo, Mahmood". Ragazzo is a really neutral term in Italian, it just means young man, I wouldn't know how to traslate it. The journalists found it "insulting" for some weird reason (Mahmood actually said he thinks it's a totally okay term) and said Ultimo was disrespecting him. More context: Ultimo clearly was disappointed about his 2nd place

The press knew it and since the moment he entered the press room they literally started rubbing his missed victory in his face and kept asking him "yeah, but don't you think you should have won?". Ultimo eventually got pissed like mad and rightfully so. They were literally trying to make him lose his temper because they knew he had a bad character and was disappointed. They wanted a scoop and they got it.

Ultimo told the journalists that they were just trying to get an article out of it and that any thing he would say, they would turn it into something else. Then he said (quoting) "I'm fucking done with you". Boom, all of the press room went crazy and started throwing insults at him (sore loser, shit, bastard, ungrateful etc...). At some point Mahmood entered the room and the situation got chill again. By the way, look at the Il Volo guys while he speaks. They agreed.

Which takes us to the next step: why did Ultimo explode like that? I'll get ther: the day after there was a tv program the contestants were supposed to take part in. Ultimo didn't show up. It was full of journalists who obviously insulted him, they showed the clip of Ultimo insulting the press. One of the journalists though, she gave no fucks and just said the things as they were: and that is, the press insulted him. Not only after Ultimo's insults, but also earlier.

Ultimo wasn't the only artist who got insulted: the guys from Il Volo were too, during their performance and while the results were being announced (everyone cheered cause they hadn't won). The journalist says there were clips of it. Ups, looks like they "couldn't show them". Funny how they found Ultimo insulting journalists, but not the opposite. And those videos exist. In particular, there was a video of Ultimo being insulted by press, days before

There were a lot of talks, clickbaity articles written etc... Ultimo tried speaking in a video he posted and told his point of view. Now, mind you, I don't agree with some of the stuff he said. He said that he was sad about the whole thing and that it had been blown out of proportion, his words twisted to show him like the bad guy. And this is true if you read what I wrote. About the results: he was pissed because he had won the televote by a very large margin but lost.

Here I think he was really wrong, cause those are the rules, jury and televote results add up to the final result, it's maths. It may be disappointing, but that's how it is. Still, he was sad that people had to PAY to vote and their votes didn't matter in the end to choose the actual winner. Debatable. But he did make a good point about one thing: the jury votes are made of the votes of some experts (they're like 10 and actually often are people with no music knowledge)

 And the rest of the jury votes are journalists. Now, wait a second: the same journalists who threw personal insults at him and Il Volo for no reason if not a personal anthipathy were the ones deciding if they could win or not. Now this is interesting, cause the jury is supposed to be unbiased. His complaining about this is just right in my opinion, something should have been done about it (journalists faced no consequences for their insults to contestants).

This is where the whole thing ended. Ultimo just asked not to speak about it again, Sanremo's week has now well passed and everyone moved on, so that's literally all. I hope I was of some help to better understand the situation. And please guys, no fighting, let's just enjoy Mahmood's song.

 AND LET US NEVER SPEAK OF HIM EVER AGAIN!!!!!! ~moving on~

Autoqualifier Odds: very good

The most important thing one has to take away from “Soldi” is that it’s a fucking excellent song. There’s a reason it received near-universal critical acclaim from all sources.  

But, as the saying goes, it’s not the song but what you do with it. Mahmood is making great ~live performance progress~ as more pre-parties are showing his growing expertise, but at the same time I feel like everyone has sort of forgotten about him as a potential winner? Actually my friends posited the idea that Mahmood might be a Jamala-esque winner (by finishing second in both jury AND televote) and I think that is an intriguing possibility we should consider! If Duncan somehow doesn’t come through (and he won’t because Expected Winner’s Curse), it will be Mahmood who shall pick up the pieces and win instead. (unless the audience wants to go for the novelty act again, in which case Hatari or Bilal will win) I recognize that Mahmood could go down the usual Italy trajectory and be sandbagged by juries into a mid top 10 placement, I guess. I don’t want to get my hopes up and overrate his odds like I did with Gabbani. Even under the worst circumstance, Mahmood is definitely finishing somewhere in the top 10 though, as all Italian men (fragile or not) do. 

Projected placement: 1st-8th in the Grand Final.

Link to the masterpost

[theconfusedartist]

DRAGON AGE

Alright, so I’ve been wanting to talk about this for a while, now that I’ve gotten back into dragon age origins and since I’m about to start doing a shit ton of fanart and fic simply bc I’m getting back in the swing of it, I figure I might as well start actually making a post about them, rather then just making a one-off post and talking about them without out any context lol.

Ok so, in this AU that I’m working on, Duncan realized that, hey, maybe only one recruit for like the end of the world in his order of grey wardens, is not the best idea, and then goes on to recruit all of the characters from the origins.

So, he swings by Orzammar first, getting Brosca and Aeducan. In this au, the name of my Brosca is Tsoyo and the Aeducan is Sariah. I’m gonna post pictures of every one of my warden later, but for now, I’m just gonna say who they are. Tsoyo and Sariah knew each other before, since Seriah hired Tsoyo’s...services in the past. Seriah doesn’t really think much of the casteless, but she does like that they can do some dirty work for her and go basically undetected for it. So, in terms of time, Tsoyo goes to the proving and wins, just like in the original, and Duncan recruits her, but in this, Duncan stuck around a little longer as the Aeducan family still had business with him and he needed to go to the deep roads to make sure that this was a real blight and I mean, hey, what better way to test the new recruit right? 

So, while Duncan is getting Tsoyo ready for what’s to come, Seriah goes to the new provings that takes place as they redid it because they couldn’t fathom that a casteless could ever win and this doubled as them holding it in honor for the Seriah getting her new post as a commander. Seriah didn’t really rise to Bhelen’s bait and didn’t go after him like Bhelen had hoped, even though she realized that there was no way that the mercenaries could’ve gotten the ring unless it was from Trian. It was quite the surprise to see her brother, dead in front of her and her father and Bhelen walking in and being accused of his death. 

She gets sentenced to walk the deep roads and meets up with Duncan and Tsoyo and from there they scout for a bit before going off to the circle. Because I mean, hey, one mage is equivalent to ten soldiers, right? 

So, Duncan gets there, with Tsoyo and Seriah in tow who are really uncomfortable being around each other as they’ve had a less than clean relationship in the past (murder, blackmail, and other stuff). Duncan gets to the tower for recruits and in this au, both ‘Surana’ and Amell are there. I’ll explain why I put the ‘’ around Surana in a minute. 

So, Amell, who’s first name is Daylen, Jowan, and ‘Surana’, who’s first name is Acici, are all there. Jowan is going through with his little plot to escape the circle and Acici has literally just had her harrowing, a few nights ago before Duncan had gotten there. Daylen has his harrowing the night before Duncan arrives to the tower and his goes very...differently. 

I’ll go into this a LOT more in a second reblog, since I want to go into everyone’s backstory in a bit, person by person, with pictures, but since I’m going with the abridged version, I’ll just put it as, Acici had the normal harrowing that we get in the game, give or take, and Daylen thought it was fun to fuck around with things that he shouldn’t. So, Duncan has his eye on the both of them and Acici, being the actual loyal friend goes around bolstering her image and getting the rod of fire, killing spiders and charming the old man to sign the form for her. She had him sign the form, but then figured that if she curried favor with as many senior enchanters as possible, then it would probably be good for her in the long run. 

As for Daylen, well, he’s sitting there like, ‘why do we have to get dragged down with Jowan?’ and goes to Senior Enchanter Irving and tells him about it. Sure, he feels bad about it, but the deal was this: if he goes along with this plan, then he and Acici have to be pardoned and get off scot free for helping with taking down Lily and catching Jowan in the act. Irving agrees and he plays double agent. And well you know how that song and dance goes, Jowan gets away, and the others are left holding the bag. Irving tries to pacify Gregoir, but he hates mages so Duncan conscripts them both into the order. Meanwhile, Tsoyo and Seriah are just really confused with all the magic bullshit going on. And then there were four recruits. 

After that, Duncan and the four recruits go to Highever, to recruit Ser Gilmore because I guess Duncan wanted a basic ass bitch (idk, I’m not gonna lie, I haven’t finished the human noble to this day. I’m still trying to, but I really didn’t see any appeal in Gilmore like that, he seemed like someone good to have as a second, but not someone you’d send to kill an archdemon when there’s only two grey wardens left) and Cousland, or better known as Luna the heartbreaker, isn’t really interested in the wardens or anything. I mean why would she be? Duncan is fine and all, but she gets to rule over a castle by herself, why the hell would she want to leave? But then, it’s not really up to her when mostly everyone gets killed anyways. So, at this point we have five recruits, good job Duncan!

Their next stop is (drumroll please) DENERIM! (wasn’t expecting that were you?)

Duncan was like, shit, lemme go and get Adaia, at least that way I know that I can have someone who knows what the score is and she can help the others and Alistair as someone who’s been around the bend and seen some shit. Only, that’s not what happens, obviously because Adaia was killed by humans a while back, but he is just in time to witness a double wedding and get threatened by a one of the brides (lol). And also see them all get carried off to get raped by the arl’s son and his guards. Luna is cross, but like ‘hey, shouldn’t we do something about this?’. Tsoyo is a bit surprised because she thought that elves were all a bunch of fig eating floofies that just lived in happiness, not squalor and fear of death, so she seconds it. Acici is ready to murder Duncan when he says that they can’t get involved (for that same reason that ‘Surana’ is like that) and hands a sword to Nelaros and Soris. Go get ‘em boys!

And now the estate is running with blood, Nelaros is dead, Shianni is traumatized, one of the bridesmaids is dead, and Tabris, Sauda the bride, has literally learned all the different ways to kill over seventy men with a dagger and how quickly rat posion kills three adult human men. Sauda, not willing to let Soris get hauled off, says that it was all her doing. Which...isn’t really an exaggeration, she tore into those fuckers like she was getting paid to do it, Soris gave back up with his crossbow, but she was very eager to spill blood for the kidnapping of her, the others and Nelaros’ death. Also Vaughn was killed, as was his friends. Horrifically. 

And now we have six recruits!! Way to go Duncan, you always find the lively ones!

This recruit wasn’t planned, as Duncan was planning to cut through the Brecilian forest to save some time, and came across two elves that are just heavily tainted. That’s right, in this au, Tamlen lives. So Mahariel, Yeva, and Tamlen are just sick as fuck, but still alive so Marethari is like, ‘let’s get a fucking move on’ and Duncan conscripts them, when they both try to weasel their way out of it. But what can you do? At least Tamlen isn’t dead (a split second decision, I’m not gonna lie). So, Duncan comes to Ostagar with seven new recruits and most of them just....do not give a damn about the king (lolololol get fuckin’ rekt Calian). They go into the wilds, save a few mabaris (mabari? mabaris?) with some wild flowers, Tsoyo gets a big gay crush on Morrigan, then they come back and do shots with the darkspawn blood in the joining. Daveth and Jory die(wah wah) but everyone else makes it out alive (Tamlen...barely made it. Bitch nearly pulled a Daveth) and then they were sent to the tower. 

The reason for them all being sent to the tower was simple. Cailan realized that a lot of the new recruits just did not give a fuck about the crown or his authority or was in grieving over their lost loved ones, and was like ‘hey, that way there’s no way that the tower ISN’T going to be lit and I don’t have to worry about them on the field’). And then he died. Duncan didn’t die tho, are you fucking kidding me? The leader of the grey wardens? Dying? I don’t fucking think so. He makes it out, but it’s a little after the battle and he makes it far enough into the wilds that Flemeth saves him. The other wardens have already left with Morrigan and they’re on their way to Lothering, but Duncan had to stay with Flemeth for a while due to the severity of his wounds and how long they would take to heal, even with magic. 

Duncan joins up with the other grey wardens around the time that they get captured by Anora’s captors (I have to play to see who would get captured or not, as most of these characters are fucking warriors and some of them in their own personal runs might actually be able to take them down where others can’t) and I haven’t decided what happens at that point. 

That’s all that I have right now, but once I get some character portraits up, I’ll update this a bit more.

[thetimelordbatgirl]

Your Liv and Maddie post gives me life! I 100% agree with everything. I felt bad for Maddie during the Diggie and Josh mess. Jillow is beyond disturbing to me and the fact her behavior was played off for laughs and they got together (!!!!!!)! They gave her behavior a stamp of approval by pairing them off smdh. If it's not too much trouble, could you share your thoughts on Karen and her horrible parenting? Thanks!

Thanks! Last time I posted about something wrong with the show, I didn’t get a good response so this is kinda nice for once!

I felt bad for Maddie no matter what really, but specially during that BS and of course, the season 3 finale, but I aint touching that topic without putting a warning for Anti-Liv stuff.

Jillow was the shit I avoided- any time I saw a dam scene of it, I skipped the channel- SPEICALLY DURING THE NET EPISODE, LET ALONE THE EP WHERE JOEYS FORCED TO SING AND DANCE WITH WILLOW ON LIVE TV. And lord- I know….the only show I can name at this point pointing out the girl was toxic is Andi Mack- Liv and Maddie on the other hand: played it for laughs and then had the pair get together out of the blue despite me cheering when Joey looked relieved to be free almost.

Oh that scream was me btw- I love ranting about Karen Rooney, and half the time compare her to the fantastic parenting off Amy Duncan.

So uh, under read more cause it will be long as shit

So my problems play off with how she acts with her kids, obviously- and before anyone asks, while I have problems with Pete, I cant say hes a bad dad fully as hes a, been off screen fully since the end of season 3, and b, outside of a few incidents, he was a better parent then his wife at this rate.

Lets go with my most disgusted moment yet with Karen- when Evan turned Parker basically into a slave for Karen and Karen fucking went along with it and even smiled throughout it- WTF- im sorry, while I agree chores need to be done- YOU DO NOT GO ABOUT IT LIKE THAT- SHE BASICALLY HAD EVAN BRAINWASH HER SON INTO DOING WHAT SHE WANTS, AND IN THE PROCESS, MOCKED PARKER BY DOING INTERESTS HE ENJOYS IN FRONT OF HIM- LIKE WTF- THE SLAVE PART IS THE MOST DISTURING THING- PARKER ALONE IS A HATED CHARACTER NOW AND THEN, BUT I FELT SO BAD FOR HIM THERE AND THEN CAUSE AGAIN WTF-

Another moment? The first time the Chedder Cheese thing came in- and Pete also gets a bad grade here btw as he appeared in this episode too- but basically, the parents and twins are facing off against each other- so what does this loving mother do? Support them? Encourage them? Give them luck? Or how about she fucking messes with their heads, takes her daughters cell phone in school and then gets a daughter banned from the contest just so she could win DESPITE MADDIE DOING WHAT KAREN DID TO THE TWINS THE ENTIRE EPISODE AND MADDIES BEING SANE COMPARED TO KARENS. Im sorry, but you do not MESS with your daughters HEADS- you do not fucking try to make them late to the contest, you do not get them disqualified cause they gave you a taste of your own medicine and you do not fucking make it look like your love for them is false when you congraduate your husband for telling them he loves them and he just smirks- LIKE WTF-

A minor instance here- but why did she make Maddies college choices about herself? Like, no Pete, DO NOT SUGGEST KAREN FOR HELP- Karen literally made it out to Maddie that Karens more important then Maddie just choosing a college- like at this rate lady, if you were my mom, I’d move out the moment I get the fucking chance and not let you near the grandkids.

Another time- she forces her son Parker into a pagent despite him clearly not wanting to do it and even when he says he doesn’t want to do it, she makes him anyway- and in the same ep, was disgusted at the idea of her daughters being sick- like sorry lady, thought you knew what parenting would be like the moment you became pregnant- thought you knew to not act like your daughters being sick is a nuisance.

BTW, another minor thing but im petty- when your daughter says they fine and don’t need your help with French- don’t force it down her throat, fucking give her the space and let her do it her own way.

Oh and another one! Yep, theres another! In a certain episode, Maddie is selling stuff to raise money for a school trip- and its her own stuff or old stuff, which is fair enough to be sold really- but Karen proves to be a hoarder as she tries to stop her daughter selling her old stuff like, I don’t know, her old scooter and her old doll thing- like Karen is such a hoarder to the point she thinks shes right and therefore, goes to Maddie with the picture she and Liv made as children, you know, the thing that actually means shit compared to the shit Karen is hoarding? Yeah, Karen pushes Maddie into putting a price on it- and while at it, calling it junk and not meaning which is gross as fuck as that’s Liv and Maddies picture and actually means shit compared to Karens stupid toothbrush collection- AND SOMEHOW, KARENS RIGHT WHEN SHE WASNT? NO YOU DICK, YOU MADE MADDIE SELL A IMPORTANT PICTURE COMPARED TO YEARS OLD TOOTHBRUSHES THAT SHOULD HAVE GONG IN THE BIN BY NOW- YOU AINT TEACHING MORALS, YOUR PROVING TO BE A HOARDER.

One more minor thing: She when grounding Maddie and Liv not only bans Maddie from getting a license until shes 18 which is gross as that’s trapping Maddie further with these assholes but she also says Liv has to drive her anywhere where she wants and at Liv’s protest, LAUGHS AND SAYS SHE MAY EVEN HAVE LIV DRIVE HER TO PICK UP THE NEWSPAPER-WAY TO TAKE JOY IN BEING A BAD PARENT BITCH.

Two more points, last ones I swear as I didn’t tune in much for season 4 and these are all the moments I can remember being fully disgusted with:

*Karen trying all the time to get in her daughters space- like, she wont stop getting in on it, claiming shes apart of it when shes not- and yet, she forces herself in so many times and then forces Maddie to send off her Diggie stuff and claims Maddies missing Diggie cause shes wearing sweatbands he gave her….I agree with Maddie here- fucking not right at all.

*This was along with Pete, so again, bad mark to him too- in the ep that Joey and Parker use the Gift Card they gave the parents ages ago, when they via Joey leaving his ID at the place, Karen admits THEY WONT PLANNING TO USE IT MEANING SHE HAS NO RIGHT TO COMPLAIN- but both get into their sons heads later and fucking SURROUND Joey singing the Goofy Gary song madly until Joey fesses up- like WTF-

Ok, and my reasons for comparing her to mother Amy Duncan? Amy, while self asorbed now and then and more into getting herself on stage and sometimes letting the spotlight take over her- still gave a dam about her kids to the point she fucking chased Teddy’s teacher throughout the school, was willing to try and help her kids no matter what, loved her kids fully and always learnt her lesson when she stepped beyond boundries- she respected Teddy’s decision and reasonings for keeping the play a secret from her and in response to having a large family, said they wont quitters- she doesn’t care for numbers, she loves her kids- the only time she sometimes pays around with her kids is when they have done bad shit- aka Teddy sneaking out to that party and when the kids lost Charlie almost- like Karen has nothing above Amy.

And its sad to see such a mom existed within Karen- could have had something- but nope- to go with the disturbing Jillow, we had to get bad parenting jokes next that were never called out.

Jesus Christ that got LONG-

[fanbun]

(previous part - 21)

[HERE IS THE BORING PART WHERE WE TELL YOU HOW IT ALL HAPPENED AND THANK EVERYONE AND STUFF]

We started this project quite a long time ago, around the beginning of the year 2000 with me, Sibot, and Felix Laband before the whole max normal thing got started, but then i had to fight with Roach and Fletcher (which was kind of like my fault) and i said i didn’t want to speak to them again. Then I got bored with the max normal project because it didn’t accomodate my need to make new songs all the time, plus i had just met Markus Wormstorm who is the only person who makes music as fast as me. Then I phoned Fletcher and said sorry for being a dick and he said it’s ok, then i asked him if he still wanted to work with me and he said ...mmm, ok... so we started recording again (i had said sorry to Felix a little while before that.) Me and Si were a little scared to leave our comfort zone, but we were both really happy to be living in Cape Town and working on a skill-oriented album, so we didn’t really mind being poor for a year and starting from scratch again. Me and Markus went into Tim Parrs studio and finished recording all the vocals in three days because of our incredible pre-production ability. Then Markus deleted the whole album on the last day by mistake... well, he said he did it on purpose because he thought I could do better, but nobody really believed him. So we re-recorded the album but then we went into this whole lengthy, unexpected process (capetown is wierd like that) which involved meeting a whole bunch of new artists who shared similar visions to us, working harder than any of us have worked in our whole lives, and kind of like stepping back and letting go a bit as this constructus thing started growing into its own creature. Anica the Snufling came to join us on vocals as well as Rick Flare, Darrel, Michelle, Johnny Stokes, Mr Rockadopolis, and Shabang. Then i met a truly strange character called Nikhil Singh who moved in with me and drew the beautiful comic which follows this. Nik also played the guitar on ‘hot-water’ as well as with my head which was in need of a little tampering at the time. Risk hit us with the idea for our constructus icon (the robot throwing up the ball)... Jan taught me these cool excercizes you can do on a jungle-gym, Devin helped me invent the BLOOD-NOSE PUSSY-BOY story (and might even help me out with it more, if i’m lucky)... Berlin East stole my underpants and wore them ontop of his pants to this one party, Si got a final scratch which he is very happy with, and we all started working on our live show because we didn’t rehearse properly for our first shows and our performances were pretty kak... but we’ve been working real hard and we like really, really good now. I also made this other song which I love more than anything with my friend Dan Roberts called ‘Scum Deluxe’ which is actually a present for my other friend Lux Janssen, but some of the lads from our camp were a little nervous of putting a country song on the album so i’m going to put it out with Alien on Chameleon Records (on ‘MY FAVORITE SONGS AT THE MOMENT’ project). Also we couldn’t fit the entire saga on one cd so we decided to put them on our web-sight so that people can download them for free and make their own double cd. You can also download our wonderful little motivational movie called: HOW TO BECOME A BETTER PERSON THE MUSICAL for free off our site plus a whole lot of other nifty this’ and thats’. Inca has been building a visual library of our constructus imagery that she edits live behind us when we perform so that the show expands into an entirely infinite virtual realm. Also all the music videos and movies we making are intricately laced to the plot so that, in about a year or so from now, you’ll be able to watch them all together like one of those cool, old-fashioned musicals. If anyone asks you what kind of music we make you must say that it’s called BOOM BAM, cos it’s new and we don’t really like hip-hop anymore cos it’s dumb. We feel that the spirit the art movement we represent needs a name that represents it properly, so there you have it: BOOM BAM. If anyone asks you what BOOM BAM is you can say that it’s computer game music. BOOM BAM artists (or programmers) create their own original alternate reality’s complete with their own characters and sound-tracks. The programmers assume a more background role while their characters become the celebrities. Daniel Levi introduced me to Random Boy and Kidtronic a long time ago (as well as inventing Kidtronic’s handwriting and being a huge inspiration to this whole project.) He’s going to be doing a whole lot of stuff with us which i’m really happy about cos Daniel is really clever and is also one of the illest directors alive on Earth as well as one of my favorite people ever. Magdeline and Timon played violin on the track he’s going to be making a video for soon called V. Marc Lottering has been looking after me the whole year, being my friend and also making sure i’m not hungry... dankie dankie dankie maneer, you have been the shark-net in my paddling pool... ...the fuel in my flame-thrower, the mushy stuff in my tinkie. William Shatner also helped me out beautifully using her advanced therapeutic techniques and so i’d like to say thankyou honey, you the shit xxx. African Dope Records are the coolest label i could have ever possibly dreamed to work with, plus they pretend not to notice when i steal fruit and veggies from their entrance hall. Roach is my daddy, i love him more than he knows. Heather looks after us so so nicely and Ian says wierd, clever stuff the whole time that i sometimes don’t always understand right away, which i dig. Also we thank Bell Roberts for recognizing what we doing and backing our shit... Maude, Johan, Cedwax and Benwar for looking after us so nicely in France and sparking our little international expansion... and Fletcher, Inca and Si thanks for the best time in the world ever. Maria, thankyou for being such a darling and for activating Metatron One. Also to my man Fungus the mutated lung for taking me out, giving birth to Johnny Stokes and for being so fuckin ill and Ginny Grindith for being so fuck you (the space between words is very beautiful man) Anwar, Jo#an, Turbeou Jones, the lovely lady Rosalux and everyone else who worked on HOW TO BECOME A BETTER PERSON - episode one... thankyou so much, we got lots of stuff to do now ...Jill for being written in our future Kriek for your entirely harmonic vibrational frequency. Brendan and Stephan from Session magazine for keeping this whole independent thing strong... and Clint, you can use any of my music for anything, whenever... you the motherfuckin man homie. Godessa and Squatter Comp for bringing it like you do. Anica says I have to say thankyou to her three times, so thankyou Anica for gracing us with your existence... all hail the voodoo-boogie shake-down queen.. thankyou so much for being such a brat, and thankyou for buying me this notepad i’m writing all this stuff in <3 ...Duncan, hello... thanks for making sure we always have vegetarian food on the planes, and for organizing our shit and for being able to handle me, here we go sir. Also we would like to thank The Venerable Emperor Of The Known Universe for establishing our communicative link with The Jellyfish. And to Si and Dunc’s mom and dad for being so nice to us and believing in us. And Markus and Anri’s parents, Rosa, Piet, Ben and Elna for raising their kids so well. And to Andrew and Goody for telling us we so ill. Mama, Boo, Dyl, and the Debsta, love you, love you, love you, love you for ever and ever and ever and ever, amen. And to other Andrew who won’t let me start an informative lifestyle magazine with his face on the cover called Andrew... punk, thanks for breathing life into our jellyfish. And Mark and Sean for all the good times and for all the music we made together and to Al my pal for turbo-charging my career... i’m glad we friends again. Ay rob, sick mix of ‘Body-snatchers’ (comming out soon) ta mister. Also Felix Laband, Sibot, and Markus Wormstorm are my favorite artists in the whole world, and Anica is my favorite vocalist ever and i know them. The Lensta’s not so bad himself but if he dyes my poodle pink one more time i’m going to tell his mom about the incedent with the old blind guy. Yo petru, thanks for being so cool... Yo Si, thanks for lending me that g and for having my back. Alien, you better quit with the late night pervert calls. My friend Bernie gave me the idea for The Ambrosial Hours. Markus Wormstorm let me stay at his house for the last month of this project which was very nice of him. He also engineered and mixed most of this album (even the songs he didn’t make, much to his dissaproval) so he’s gonna get a real nice birthday present from me for his 21st in december. (sorry, i have to interrupt myself here, i just finished the nicest song ever with Len called Touch The Sky... Cher says we excellent...) Anyway, Fletcher’s been the illest, most intuitive cat to work with. He did a whole lot of gorgeous soundscaping on this album, as well as final mixing and mastering. Sibot is Jimmy Hendrix on the decks... he has advanced beyond all competition as usual. Inca is often the invisible pulse that holds this whole sucker together and has been an absolute sweetheart through and through in everything she does. She has also rented her flat out to me for a very reasonable price. Oh ja, also... we did 90% of this album in our bedrooms and we could have done it all in our bedrooms but Tim’s got such nice, old analogue equipment to do vocal stuff and final touches through, plus he’s the nicest person in the world, so we couldn’t help but work with him. We also want to point out the fact that there has been no corporate assistance whatsoever on this project and that anyone can do this with low-fi pc equipment, some pirate software and a little love. Obviously we now going to go through some corporate channels to hit as many humans as possible, but we have complete creative control and they do what we say. We would like everyone who is interested in creating art for a living to follow our example. There is no excuse for not being able to make it because of the system and everything. The system is eating it’s own tail... we just helping to stuff it further down it’s throat, while dancing around jubilously with it’s entrails around our necks (Markus made me put that last bit in.) Love is entirely unpalatable to these parasites that govern this realm and they feed off your fear, so please would everybody be so kind as to remove their food supply and act like you know so we can exterminate these poor lost fucks.

metatron one_out.

(p.s. i got the name Snufflegruff and the Bazooka-Nuker concept from Alan Moore’s D.R. and Quinch, who Random Boy is kind of obsessed with and i read the Magic Ear story in this children’s book while walking through a shopping mall one day... my version is just an adoption. Markus Wormstorm wrote most parts of this story which involve Kidtronic, which he says are the most important parts in the whole saga. Also Julia Clark is the loveliest girl ever. we got big stuff comming. My little brother Lee told me ‘the two giraffes in a bar joke’ and Markus made up ‘the Boys 2 Men thing’ that happened while Kidtronic was interacting with an old-fashioned, alternate reality. But other than that me, Sibot, Markus and Anica invented this whole thing all on our own and we are very proud of ourselves because of it.)

(END)

[vanilladella]

how about uuhhhhhhh 2,5,7 and 29-39 it’s only fair (but honestly i love getting many questions)

ok i deserved that asdfghjkl tHANK U

AAND we’re going under a read more

2: Which origin is your favourite? 

HMMM gameplay wise i rly like the mage origin, but i have such a soft spot for elves that its a tie between the dalish and the city elf

5: Did your Warden want to become a Grey Warden?

ophelia amell: YES, ABSOLUTELY. she had a major case of starry eyes and she wanted to be a great war hero who lives on in history and songs.

hallen mahariel: absolutely not. he begged for the keeper to let him stay, duncan had to drag him away. he cried the whole way to ostagar, feeling homesick, heartbroken and survivors guilt all at the same time.

meri tabris: she hated leaving her family, but was happy to rub her immunity in the shems faces lmaoo. she was also v pleased to finally get out of the alienage and do things that amtter ykno??

7: What was your Warden’s first impression of Duncan? 

ophelia: she was a bit “huh. ok.” when they were introduced, but the second she heard he was a grey warden commander looking for recruits she shadowed him the whole time in the tower. she was so nervous and determined to be the one who was picked to go.

hallen: he was v sick and in abd shape when he first saw him, but when he kinda got a hold of himself hallen was scared of him. wardens leave and never come back, wardens are in war, wardens die. hallen was terrified of being taken away by duncan, and did not trust his motives at all.

meri: “who the fuck are you.” were her first words to him, and p much what she thought of him lmao. she didnt care much for him, but threatened to slit his throat when he talked abt looking for recruits.

ie. ophelia adored him, hallen was terrified, meri gives no fucks

29: What is your Warden’s favourite color?

ophelia: purple and dusty pink

hallen: forest green and like... navy blue

meri: cyan and bronze

30: What is your Warden’s favourite food?

ophelia: spicy food with lots of protein

hallen: stews and soups (esp w rabbit)

meri: kalakukko ! its fish baked inside a ryebread

31: How old is your Warden?

ophelia: 19 when conscripted

hallen: 20 when conscripted

meri: 22 when conscripted

32: What is your Warden’s gender identity (this does not have to match gender chosen in the character creator, of course!)

ophelia: woman

hallen: man

meri: woman

33: What is your Warden’s romantic/sexual orientation?

ophelia: bi woman w a HEAVY preference for women

hallen: gay man

meri: lesbian

34: Does your Warden end up with one of the companions in any way?

ophelia: alistair had a major crush on her, small flirty weird thing w zevran, endgame a happy ever after w leliana

hallen: ...alistair had a crush on him, morrigan expressed interest, engame married w zevran in antiva

meri: idk actually! in game i romanced morrigan but idk if meri could actually hold a relationship, so for now its a maybe w morrigan?

35: Is your Warden a warrior/rogue/mage?

ophelia: mage!

hallen: rogue!

meri: warrior!

36: What is your Warden’s weapon of choice?

ophelia: staff with a cickle on the end

hallen: two big ass daggers, hes p good w a bow too but prefers daggers (dual wield)

meri: sword and shield! shes good w two-handed too but likes precision more than raw power

37: What are your Warden’s specializations?

ophelia: shapeshifter and bloodmage

hallen: assassin and duelist

meri: champion and berserker

38: What are some of your Warden’s strenghts?

ophelia: shes very headstrong and passionate. shes v empathetic and caring, not to mention shes generally good-willed and humorous.

hallen: hes v v gentle and caring, not a mean bone in his body. hes optimistic and tries to keep a positive outlook.

meri: VERY strong-willed, never willing to back down when she feels like theres more she can do. protective as shit, maybe the most selfless of my ocs.

39: What are some of your Warden’s weaknesses?

ophelia: shes got a v strong sense of her own morals, and follows those no matter who it hurts. she does what she wants. she has a bad habit of creating a mess or taking on a responsibility and running away from it.

hallen: he has barely no sense of independence. hes not a leader, hes a follower, he cant make decisions on his own and is easily influenced by others. hes very sensitive, quick to anger and tears. he also kinda.... disregards his own morals whenever the dalish are involved. they come first, no matter the cost.

meri: shes very cynical and a nihilist. shes very.. harsh and doesnt sugarcoat anything. she speaks before she thinks, and usually prefers violence over diplomacy.

[writingguide003-blog]

'A different way of living': why writers are celebrating middle-age

New Post has been published on https://writingguideto.com/must-see/a-different-way-of-living-why-writers-are-celebrating-middle-age/

'A different way of living': why writers are celebrating middle-age

Viv Albertine, Deborah Levy, Lavinia Greenlaw and Rachel Cusk are redefining life after menopause, children or divorce and it has never looked so good

When Viv Albertine performs her 2009 song Confessions of a Milf live, she alternates between two voices. Theres the saccharine lisp of a brainwashed housewife chanting home sweet home, and theres the raging chant of an angry punk proclaiming that if you decide one day that youve had enough, you can walk away. Though swans and seahorses mate for life, we aint so nice.

In the 70s, when Albertine performed with her punk band, the Slits, she appeared fully immersed in her performance of exuberant anger, but also strikingly unformed, too busy bouncing and shouting to hold the gaze of her audience. Then, she retained the vulnerability of her younger self, but there was a steeliness underlying it. Now she stares out at us, no longer interested in hiding.

I chose being an artist over being a wife, the housewife sings, predicting sadly that now Im gonna lead a very lonely life. But then the punk takes the lines over and the life shes going to lead becomes very lovely. By the end the two voices have exploded into one and theres a joyfully furious torrent of wife wife wife life life life that ends with a list of the household activities that are being abandoned by the housewife and reclaimed by the artist: cooking, cleaning, baking, washing, faking, fucking, cleaning, shopping.

In her recent memoir To Throw Away Unopened, Albertine describes deciding to return to music after more than a decade as a housewife, ending her marriage as a result. In the past century of fiction, the middle-aged male protagonist has sprawled and rutted his way to a kind of bathetic greatness in the hands of Philip Roth, John Updike and Saul Bellow. The middle-aged woman has appeared far less often as a protagonist questing for a style and identity, but that is changing fast.

Enjoying the freedom that no longer being constantly looked at by men brings Viv Albertine. Photograph: Duncan Bryceland/Rex

Albertine is one of several writers this year to tackle lives that follow divorce and the menopause. Lavinia Greenlaws forthcoming novel is a middle-aged love story. Deborah Levy uses the moment of transition from one life to another to fashion a new story about femininity in her living autobiography The Cost of Living. Like Albertines, Levys career began in an era when the young insisted on their own youthfulness. Whats striking is that both writers have found a way to incarnate their middle-aged selves in new voices that dont reject the spontaneity of punk but reinvent it in a quieter yet no less vigorous form.

It was possible that femininity, as I had been taught it, had come to an end, Levy writes, tired of serene femininity and of corporate femininity. There were not that many women I knew who wanted to put the phantom of femininity together again … it is a role (sacrifice, endurance, cheerful suffering) that has made some women go mad.

The task is both to create a new life and to redefine what being a woman means. Albertine returns to singing and buys a new haphazard home for herself and her daughter. Levy discards the marital home and installs her daughters in a flat, where she mends the plumbing in her nightie and transports her groceries on a liberating electric bike. One female friend teaches her to live with colour and another provides a writing shed.

Deborah Levy discards the marital home and installs her daughters in a flat. Photograph: Sheila Burnett

For both writers, theres a particular pleasure in the physical freedom that no longer being constantly looked at by men brings. Its easy to assume, as a young woman for whom being desired matters above all else, that much will be lost when men start looking at younger women. But Levy and Albertine enjoy it when men are no longer central. I get the same lurching thrill now when Im about to sit down to an egg mayonnaise sandwich and a packet of plain crisps as I used to get when I fancied someone, Albertine remarks. Ive had two great loves: my mother and my daughter.

Albertine is here in a lineage with Germaine Greer, who published The Change in 1992 aged 53, and has recently reissued it with new material. Greer urges women to accept the changes of age. She suggests that HRT, used to minimise the symptoms of the menopause, is part of a male-centric conspiracy to contain the wisdom and rage of older women. There are positive aspects to being a frightening old woman, she writes.

Greer describes how, aged 50, she looked ahead into what seemed like winter, ice, an interminable dark. But having grieved for her younger self, she finds freedom and calm on the other side, attained through giving up on sex. Younger women might find it impossible to believe that when they are no longer tormented by desire, insecurity, jealousy they wont be as dead as a spent match, but they can look forward to a whole new realm of experience.

Beguilingly, Greer compares the difference between the clamorous feelings of the younger woman and the calmness of the apparently withdrawn older woman to the difference between how the sea appears to someone tossing on its surface, and how it looks to someone who has plunged so deep that she has felt death in her throat. The older woman can love deeply and tenderly because she loves without the desire for possession.

Free to command attention in new and more authentic ways Doris Lessing circa 1975. Photograph: Express/Getty Images

Women through the decades have claimed something of this liberation through age. When I first read Doris Lessing, I wasnt convinced by her announcement in a 1972 interview (when she was 53) that the physical changes of middle age had been one of the most valuable experiences that I personally have ever had. Now Ive come to admire her explanation that in middle age a whole dimension of life slides away, and you realise that what, in fact, youve been using to get attention has been what you look like, leaving you free to command attention in new and more authentic ways.

Lessings 1973 novel The Summer Before the Dark is a great portrayal of this moment of transition, and a book ready to be rediscovered. Kate Brown, a pretty, healthy, serviceable housewife, becomes disillusioned when her children leave home and her husband has one too many affairs. She accepts a job as a translator for an international conference, dyes her hair a sleek red and has an affair with a younger man. But its in what follows that her real discoveries are made. She becomes sick and spends weeks in a hotel, consumed by a fever that sends her deep into herself and then leaves her alone, stranded far away from her married life, curiously free. Wandering the streets in ill-fitting clothes with dishevelled hair, she discovers what it is to be ignored by men. And when she returns home, she insists on keeping her hair as it is: plain, greying, tied neatly behind her head, as Lessings was when she wrote it. Her discoveries, her self-definition, what she hoped were now strengths were concentrated here she was saying no: no, no, no, NO a statement which would be concentrated into hair.

This is a charged yet odd novel, as baggy as Kates clothes. Characters are introduced and discarded; Kate begins one phase of life after another apparently at random. One of Lessings achievements was to find a structural equivalent for the mental state of middle age. As children leave home and sexuality changes, several women describe being left with a feeling that the script they grew up with has run out. This is both frightening and exhilarating. And it opens the way for a new kind of plot.

Illustration: Nathalie Lees/Guardian

So the love stories with middle-aged women as protagonists take on a more episodic form, with love itself presented as an ambivalent prize. In 2016 there was AL Kennedys Serious Sweet, a romance between two damaged loners. And now theres Lavinia Greenlaws In the City of Loves Sleep, published next month, which offers us a story of lovers neither beautiful nor certain nor young. This is an elegantly meandering tale in which the lovers repeatedly connect only to lose interest in each other, stuck in a kind of endless middleness. Perhaps falling in love in middle age is in part the desire to experience fixity again, the narrator muses. But the drive for fixity is thwarted by the form of this novel, which is determinedly fluid, as if in search of a style appropriate for the fluidity of the middle part of life.

Levy experiments with form in The Cost of Living, discarding the traditional literary structure as she discards the marital home, and creating a memoir out of a collage of deftly interconnected fragments. Objects perform a lot of the work here, often appearing to know more than the humans who surround them. When the I no longer quests for the familiar goals of love and marriage, the authorial persona becomes a subtler figure, glimpsed through shadows. Levys bike threatens to become a major character and relegate her to a minor player, though we can see Levy winking at us as it does so, less shadowy than she might appear.

Nowhere is the narrator more occluded than in Rachel Cusks spare, strange trilogy Outline, Transit and Kudos. On one level, these are novels about a marriage ending and a woman, Faye, seeking new forms of freedom as her children move towards independence. In Outline, Faye describes herself as trying to find a different way of living in the world. But though Cusk is interested in questioning ideas of femininity, she seems most concerned with using the dissolution of familiar structures to seek a new concept of selfhood and a new structure for the novel.

By Kudos, the characters all speak in the same international voice and the narrators experiences at the hands of men are interchangeable with those of all the other divorced middle-aged women she encounters. One of these, Sophia, observes that shes coming to think that too much has been made of the distinctions between men, when at the time the whole world had appeared to depend on whether I was with one, rather than another. By this point the committed reader is coming to think something of the same about characters in general. Perhaps in all our novel reading, weve made too much of the importance of individual characters, when it turns out to be more general truths that matter.

The truths revealed here resonate with those explored by Levy and Albertine. Near the end of Kudos, Faye has a revealing encounter with a woman called Felcia, who has just lost the final battle of her marriage for custody of her car. Now, cycling exhaustedly across the city, impoverished, mocked even by her mother (Look at what all your equality has done for you), Felcia accepts that she has not found freedom by leaving him: in fact what I had done was forfeit all my rights.

Its not wholly a coincidence that a bicycle should play a central role here, as in Levy. Bikes have served as symbols of independent womanhood since the turn of the last century. Felcia, cycling around stoically, has something of Levy and Albertines doggedness and dignity in countering the assaults of the world. She hasnt gained the freedom she sought in separation, but its also clear that she couldnt have remained with a man prepared to treat her as her ex-husband does. Freedom, in all these books, becomes less of a good in itself once the struggles become primarily practical. But this doesnt invalidate the initial urge for freedom that takes these women out of their marriages. Its an urge towards a life lived in good faith, which is what all of Cusks characters are struggling in their different ways to do. The peculiarly even quality of Cusks prose doesnt just provide a literary equivalent of the middle years, it points us towards the thought that the way to act with integrity may be to relinquish the struggle for individuality, though the singularity of her style always works bracingly against this.

An urge towards a life lived in good faith Rachel Cusk. Photograph: Richard Saker for the Observer

Cusk presents us with a radical new vision of communality at this stage of life, one which asks us to consider that we dont yet know what solidarity is. This takes us back to Levy, guided in her new life by her female friends, and to Albertine, accepting that the love that means most is the love of women. And it opens up the question of feminism.

Greers suggestion in The Change is that men have been denying women the right to a quietly sex-free middle age in championing HRT. In this context, the acceptance of middle age becomes a feminist act, and the same seems to have been true for Lessing in 1973, whatever her crotchety scepticism about womens lib. Certainly Kates rage in The Summer Before the Dark is rage at men who have told her she will be fulfilled by appealing to their lust. It was a rage, it seemed to her, that she had been suppressing for a lifetime. This is a woman poised to explode into Albertines cries of wife wife wife life life life.

Its significant that the women Albertine has loved most are her mother and daughter. The death of Albertines mother is a central event in her book, as Levys mothers is in hers, offering one form of feminist connection. Albertine describes learning her rage at the patriarchy from her mother. Dont ever give the biggest slice of cake to a man, you take it for yourself! she informed her daughters. And now in middle age, Albertine feels that she is turning into her mother. I can see [the patriarchy], I can hear it, I can feel it, and Im burning up because of it. Levy, looking back with love on the war between myself and my mother, quotes the US writer and activist Audre Lorde: I am a reflection of my mothers secret poetry as well as of her hidden angers.

Read alongside the reflections on the death of the old forms of femininity, this allows the older generation of women to have a voice in the poetry and anger of the present. And Lorde herself is a mother figure for these writers; the essays collected in last years posthumous collection Your Silence Will Not Protect You have something of the energy of punk. Im saying that we must never close our eyes to the terror, she told Adrienne Rich in an interview when in her 40s, recovering from breast cancer and reconstructing her sense of herself in middle age. At this point it seemed vital to attend to the chaos which is black which is creative which is female which is dark which is rejected which is messy which is sinister, smelly, erotic, confused, upsetting.

The erotic is significant here, connected as it is to the dark and the messy. The role of the erotic in middle age troubles many of these writers. Greenlaws Iris finds that the rigmarole of undressing for sex with a new lover feels like a foolish masquerade: They are two middle-aged people trying to persuade themselves into sex on a Sunday afternoon. Things improve when they forget about surfaces and allow themselves something more diffuse. But if Lessing and Greer advise abandoning sex altogether, Lorde insists that the erotic remains key to everything. This is no longer the young girl taking pleasure in being looked at by men. In Lordes hands the erotic transcends narcissism and patriarchy and becomes the force that binds our sense of self with the chaos of our strongest feelings. This is a force that connects women to each other and perhaps especially to their mothers. Lorde advised all women to listen to the black mother within them, who she believed countered Descartes with: I feel, therefore I can be free. It seems all the more appropriate that Levy should think of Lorde in mourning her own mother.

Yet this is not a simple tale of freedom-seeking daughters realising their mothers hopes for a better world. Theres a disillusionment, too, because if feminism has now become mainstream, theres a danger of it becoming an accoutrement of a society that hasnt changed in the ways that the feminists of the 1960s and 70s hoped it would. This is presented as clearly not good enough. If the news upsets me I just switch it off, sings the housewife in Albertines song. But what more can she do in her angrier punk incarnation? Is it better to watch the news? To sing and write about it? Is this a necessary component of the freedom of the middle-aged woman? And will it help her feel more free or just enable her to be committedly feminist as she seeks her freedom?

Freedom and calm on the other side Germaine Greer. Photograph: Yui Mok/PA

The answer may lie partly in the complex sense of the communal evoked by all these writers. Arguably, its more necessary than ever to form communities of insight and sensitivity situated determinedly within the realm of feminism. Whats compelling in these books is that other more uncanny lines of affiliation can coexist with this. Its important that Albertine remains connected to punk, Levy to surrealism and psychoanalysis, Cusk to particular strands of European high modernism.

But we search in vain if we turn to these books for answers, partly because these writers are more interested in asking questions, and partly because they are too singular, and too defiant, to tell us what to do. Greer ends by announcing that though younger people anxiously inquire, and researchers tie themselves in knots with definitions, the middle-aged woman is about her own business, which is none of theirs. Women come racing up from behind, asking how to negotiate the next phase. But were not going to learn much because, Greer says, the middle-aged woman is climbing her own mountain, in search of her own horizon, after years of being absorbed in the struggles of others. The ground is full of bumps, the air is thin and her bones ache. Nonetheless, the ascent is worth it, however baffling it may seem to others. Greer exhorts her middle-aged readers not to explain or apologise. The climacteric marks the end of apologising. The chrysalis of conditioning has once and for all to break and the female woman finally to emerge.

Lara Feigel is the author of Free Woman: Life, Liberation and Doris Lessing (Bloomsbury).

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