#I love when teen girls are fucked in the head and destroy every connection in their life because of it only sending them down a worse path

[rooolt]

The thing that makes me so insane about scary marlowe is how real she feels to me. Like previous Beth characters have always been ridiculous and silly and stupid and I’ve loved them in their own right but there’s something about scary that makes me look at her and go “I could know this girl.” Like she’s a teenager who never came to terms with her dad leaving and is now lashing out at the easiest target and subsequently everyone. Terry spurs it on with this sense of permanency, if he moves into her life her dad will never come back and never love her, and from there she becomes wrapped up in a whirlwind of who she is or who she should be. Ultimately scary is a scared and upset teenage girl who latches on to the first powerful influence in her life that says he cares about her. Sure terry says he cares, but if he really did would he be replacing her real dad? And terry isn’t giving her magic powers to protect herself. Willy as her patron is also really interesting because all the kids get their powers from daddy magic, from their connection to their fathers which we know doesn’t have to be biological because of link, but Scary’s powers are not built on her relationship with terry, THEY COME FROM WILLY. If she abandons him that doesn’t leave her powerless because of daddy magic and terry, but I think at least at this point the daddy magic Scary’s using, if any, is built on her connection with willy

[paperficwriter]

Your First Date

Some sweet, fluffy batarou. Being teens in love.

Cut is for length, not for content.

“Oi, Badd. Why didn’t we go on a first date?”

“Well, ya hospitalized me, and then ya went on some kind of monster rager and ended up becomin’ some kinda gargoyle thing? With horns, I heard? And then ya ran off for a hot minute until ya showed up here ‘cause Zenko thought you were some kinda stray to bring home, and here we are.”

“...Heh, yeah, that just about covers it.”

Somehow during months of living together, this conversation didn’t even come up until they were sitting together on the couch, watching an anime one evening that depicted a boy and a girl in a very typical ‘is this a date?!’ situation. They were quiet for a little bit after that, until Badd prompted him by elbowing him in the arm. “Did ya want to? I mean, I feel like we kinda skipped that whole thing, yeah? Usually ya date before ya start livin’ with someone.”

“So what’s the difference between going on a date and dating?”

Badd paused the television and turned to him, wedging himself into the back sofa cushion on his side. “The date’s kinda...the thing itself. Datin’ is when you’re, like, ‘Let’s see how this pans out and if I wanna be your girlfriend for the long haul.’”

“Does that mean we skipped straight to making you my girlfriend?”

“Psh. I’m savin’ my girlfriend status for The One. You lose.”

Garou chuckled and pulled one of Badd’s hands over to rub between his. “Never been on a date before,” he mumbled.

“Are ya serious?” Badd winced when Garou bent one of his fingers sideways. “Ow. I didn’t mean it t’ be shitty! You’re good-lookin,’ so I figured ya woulda had to beat ‘em off with a stick!”

Holy shit, did Garou just blush?! “It’s not like I really had a chance, with the whole ‘leaving home and living at a dojo and then dishonoring said dojo and everything afterward,’ you know?”

Badd dragged his thumb against one of the long lines across Garou’s hand. Then he realized it wasn’t actually the love line, or the life line, or whatever. But rather, it was the pink, faded scar left from his hero hunting. “That means if I take ya out on a date, it’s not just our first date but your first date. Officially.”

Garou nodded. “Which means it can’t suck.”

“Hey, my dates don’t suck.”

“They better not. You don’t have an excuse like I do, since it sounds like you’ve been on a million, you hussy.”

Badd snatched his hand back so he could grab him by one of his wild ‘ears’ of hair. “I ain’t a hussy! And I haven’t been on a million dates! Just a few!”

Thin fingers jabbed at his side right into one of his ticklish pressure points, and Badd’s body buckled in on itself. “No, no, you’re clearly the dating pro, so you better wow me or I’m leaving!”

“Fine!” Badd threw himself on top of Garou, grabbing him by his shirt. He dropped his face close to his with a huge grin. “Then I’m gonna take ya on the best damn date o’ your life. So get ready, wolf boy.”

Garou snuck in a kiss onto Badd’s round nose, flashing his own teeth in a smile. “Okay. I’m holding you to that.”

—

Badd ended up borrowing a car. Although he had gotten his license, he didn’t really need one in the city, since he either walked wherever he needed to go or took public transportation. But if he was going to take Garou on a date, they were going to have to head out a little distance from his normal stomping grounds, enough that no one would immediately recognize him or, worse, ask questions about Garou.

And even as it was, Badd still didn’t sport his normal pompadour, and Garou had one of his beanies over his trademark hair. “So, where are we going?” Garou asked as he reached over to play with Badd’s loose strands where they framed his face. 

“It’s a surprise, ya goober. Also, I, uh...didn’t wanna talk about it so much in front o’ Zenko or she’d be sore we weren’t taking her.”

“Scandalous.”

“Shut up!” Badd gave him a shove, but he was smiling. The drive itself was nice; the air was cool, they listened to some music (and since it was just them, they didn’t even have to suffer through Amai Mask’s discography), and the sunset was a beautiful bleed of color across the horizon. 

Garou grinned when Badd turned into a hotel. “Oh, so it’s that kind of a date, huh?”

“It ain’t like that! Don’t be weird!” Badd’s cheeks burned up to his ears. “I got us a room so we didn’t have to rush back tonight, and so I didn’t have to find some random place to park.”

When Badd got back from checking in, Garou had his face out the window of the car, sniffing, eyes big. It was like he was looking into the distance, at nothing in particular, an invisible interest.

Badd couldn’t help ruffling the top of his head. “What is it, boy?” he asked like he was talking to a dog, “Whattaya smell, huh?” 

Garou rolled his eyes but didn’t really divert his attention, though his did close his eyes. “It’s been forever since I went to the beach. I can smell the sand and the water...and I can hear it.”

Badd turned his ear up, letting the wind hit him. He could just barely make out the salty scent, but he certainly couldn’t hear it. “Good thing that ain’t the surprise.”

Tipping his head curiously, Garou got out of the car, and they started walking down the road. 

It couldn’t be but so surprising, because they could see the boardwalk from the half-mile mark as they walked up toward it. A large road right beside piers and docks had been lined with shops, stands and various attractions on either side, and there was a huge ferris wheel lit up with sparkling lights.

Badd had insisted on going during the week, so since it was Wednesday there weren't nearly as many people as there probably would have been on the weekend. On top of that, it was also late in the season, so there weren’t visiting tourists to contend with either. “I know ya hate crowds as much as I do,” Badd commented as he took his hand. “And I wanted your first date to be a good experience, ya know.”

Garou was staring in every direction, his mouth just a little bit open. Shit, was it too much? Had Badd overdone it?

What finally came out was: “I want to eat everything.”

Badd laughed. “Okay. Sounds like a plan.”

When Garou said everything, he wasn’t kidding. Like a bloodhound, Garou made a beeline for the spots that had the best-smelling greasy food scents, and Badd found himself being dragged to stand after stand to buy long skewers of yakitori, shioyaki and ikayaki. Each one was shoved into his face to try. “Please at least keep the squid in a different hand. If I think I’m gonna get chicken and bite into the ikayaki, I’m gonna hurl.”

Garou just took a bite of each. To spite him.

Now, the noodles he could get behind: yakisoba with deliciously tender pieces of pork; hot, sour Thai noodles that warmed him up to the core; a ramen burger made with prime beef and huge pieces of near-solid noodles. Garou was about to lead them to the taiyaki parfait stand, when Badd finally put his hand on his arm.

“Babe. Ya know I think the world of ya, but can we digest for, like, five minutes?”

“I guess.” He smirked and kissed a spot of sauce off the corner of his mouth. “You weakling.”

Next, Badd took him to an arcade. It was set up to look like one of the “classic” ones, with pinball, huge games with old displays that were probably twenty years old, and racing games that made Garou have to fold his long limbs inwards to get to the gas and brake. 

When he caught Badd laughing, he glared. “I’m still going to kick your ass, even if I do dislocate my hip.”

“You are older than me, Stretch. That’s a real concern.”

“By a year!”

But they figured it was time to go when Garou laid into a test-your-strength punching dummy a bit too hard and snapped it off its support. In his defense, Badd absolutely should have been watching him closer. Garou had a tendency to get carried away.

As they explored the area even more, they came to a set of shops outside a mall connected to the boardwalk. Garou wandered over to an open stand and stopped so hard his heels screeched. “Oh my god, Badd, look at this.” At first, it just looked like they were selling little trinkets and random junk...until Badd got a closer look. “It’s fucking knock-off hero stuff like you find online!”

Badd nearly choked as he picked up a toy that he could only guess was supposed to be Genos with huge neon eyes and a perfectly rectangular mouth. One hand was on backwards, and the paint job was so abysmal it was like it was just dipped in random colors. A figurine of Atomic Samurai actually had a gun for some reason, Zombieman had been painted lime green, and then…

“You have to buy it.”

“I don’t have to do any such a damn thing.”

“Please. I need this as a memento of our first date.”

Badd sighed and paid the ridiculous amount for a Metal Bat action figure: the torso was so big his head was roughly pea-sized, he was wearing a skirt and his bat looked like it was a wooden one. “It’s literally in the name! Metal Bat! They had one job!”

Garou cackled as he pocketed his prize. “Villains beware! The amazing Wood Bat! Special move: Splinter Spirit!”

As the sky was just beginning to transition from a red-touched blue into night, Badd walked Garou out onto the pier that cut into the ocean far enough that it was actually quiet, compared to the street. A torii gate stood alone overlooking the water and the far-off sunset. Garou stared up at it as Badd explained, “There used to be a shrine on the water, but it got destroyed by a typhoon or somethin.’ They left the torii up ‘cause the sun falls right inside it, yeah? And it was still standin,’ so...yeah.”

“You know a lot about this place.”

Badd grinned, kind of lopsidedly. “Yeah…”

“Like you’ve been here before. More than once.”

“Heh, guess I’ve been caught.”

Easily hopping up onto it, Garou sat on one of the wooden rails of the dock and looked out over the easy-going waves. “That’s fine. There are only but so many places you can take dates, so obviously there’s going to be some overlap.”

“What? Oh god, no. Garou.” Careful not to push him over, Badd got between Garou’s long legs, hands holding his waist. “I ain’t...I’ve never brought another date here. Never. You’re the first.” He sighed. “I came here when I was a kid, with my folks. And Zenko after she was born, for a couple of years but I think she was too young to really remember it. This is, uh…” He cleared his throat. “This is the first time…” God, don’t cry, don’t fucking choke up. “Since…”

“Hey.” Garou’s fingers rubbed the back of his scalp and pulled his face into his stomach. “I got it. It’s okay. I like it. A lot.”

“...yeah?”

“Yeah. It’s the best first date. I thought you were just going to drag me out to something really lame and I was going to have to be like, ‘Nooo, Baaadd, I loooove it…’”

Badd snickered and jabbed Garou in the side of the leg. “Jerk.”

Garou continued on in the mock-patronizing voice as he jumped off the ledge and back to the dock. “‘Oh my gooood...no, you put soooo much effort into it…’”

“Well now if I ever do disappoint ya, I’ll see right through you!”

“Of course you will, because I am so transparent and you are so perceptive.” Garou tugged him toward the ferris wheel. “Come on, I think this is a good time for this one.”

Badd nodded, and when they got to the ramp, there really wasn’t much of a line. They climbed into the next available car together. It was one of the new, fancier ferris wheels, with a compartment that people could sit in facing each other while looking out a window on either side, at the sea or at the glittering city skyline in the near-distance. Slowly, they started the climb, and as Badd watched the crowds below get smaller and smaller, he could feel Garou’s eyes on him. 

“So, I’m new to this, but it seems pretty obvious that this is when you’re supposed to kiss on dates, right? That’s a thing isn’t it?”

Badd turned his hand over when cool fingers rubbed his knuckles. “Yeah, I think ya kinda...play it by ear, and when it feels right, ya jus’ go for it.”

Garou leaned close, his smile reflecting the bulbs outside that lined the ride’s spokes. “I think you’re supposed to call the shots though, right?”

“Yeah...I think so.” Badd moved like he was going to close the gap between them, but then put his fingers up to block Garou’s lips. “Wait.”

“...seriously?”    

“Trust me.”

It was only about a minute until they rounded the curve and there they were, at the top of the wheel. In the grand scheme of things, it probably wasn’t that high up but...here, it was the highest point, and for them it might as well have been the top of the world. And before Garou could ruin it by saying something dumb or complaining about the hold up, Badd yanked him into the softest, deepest kiss he could give, putting every ounce of himself into it.

They didn’t actually break it until they were almost at the bottom again, and even then they stayed close, gazing into one another’s face.

“You know…” Garou gave him another little peck, smiling through it. “I think I could get into this whole dating thing.”

Badd hummed, and he kept his fingers loosely holding his shirt so he couldn’t get far away from him. “Yeah...kinda figured ya might feel that way.”

[gerrymike]

OK. commentary on my satg playlist. For reasons

lol it wont let me hyperlink but. https://open.spotify.com/playlist/0w9pMZtOvP0plqdxT665q7?si=wEFnvdh3Rjaa0p2UX251mQ&dl_branch=1 Plug

1. PIEDMONT (DESTROY BOYS)

Looks like I'm late for the party Everyone knows the attire but me Glass walls separate us Catch a glimpse into different books On different shelves

i.e. teen crisis where u want desperately to live the same life as ppl on the street but also can’t imagine anything worse

2. SWEET ADELINE (ELLIOTT SMITH)

It's a picture-perfect evening and I'm staring down the sun Fully loaded, deaf and dumb and done Waiting for sedation to disconnect my head Or any situation where I'm better off than dead

i.e. she’s alive! is that worse or better. also jfc, you fucking hate hospitals

3. ALAMEDA (ELLIOTT SMITH)

You walk down Alameda  Shuffling your deck of trick cards over everyone Like some precious only son Face down, bow to the champion

also

Walk down Alameda  Brushing off the nightmares you wish Could plague me when I'm awake And now you see your first mistake  Was thinking that you could relate For one or two minutes she liked you But the fix is in

i.e. oops it’s two elliotts in a row, sorry. just. about the connection you can form with someone given just a short period of time, and how sometimes it gets ruined by, like, a werewolf. pretty similar to sweet adeline. mx weisglass gets two songs. plus “precious only son” 😬 “shuffling your deck of trick cards” 😬

4. CAN I PLAY WITH MADNESS (IRON MAIDEN)

Give me the sense to wonder To wonder if I'm free Give me a sense of wonder To know I can be me Give me the strength to hold my head up Spit back in their face

i.e. for Me mostly because i think the whiplash from elliott to maiden is kinda funny. also the gerry VS twisty animosity, in over-the-top wizardy terms. sometimes you are full of hate and that’s OK 😬 

5. ICU (PHOEBE BRIDGERS)

If you're a work of art I'm standing too close I can see the brush strokes I hate your mom I hate it when she opens her mouth It's amazing to me How much you can say When you don't know  What you're talking about

and

I'll climb through the window again But right now it feels good not to stand Then I'll leave it wide open Let the dystopian morning light pour in

i.e. we’re back in london…and, well, yeah. also, song title! we’re still in sacramento, actually, spiritually, at this point in the story

6. CRY FOR JUDAS (THE MOUNTAIN GOATS)

Feel the storm every night Hope it passes by Hallucinate a shady grove where Judas went to die Unfurl the black velvet altar cloth Draw a white chalk Baphomet Mistreat your altar boys long enough and this is what you get

i.e. crew. i think about him

7. IRIS (THE GOO GOO DOLLS)

And all I can taste is this moment And all I can breathe is your life And sooner or later, it's over I just don't wanna miss you tonight

plus

And I don't want the world to see me 'Cause I don't think that they'd understand When everything's made to be broken I just want you to know who I am

i.e. OK. OK. OK. yeah, OK. damn right all you can taste is this moment…yeah OK. SONGS5

8. KILL ALL YOUR FRIENDS (MY CHEMICAL ROMANCE)

It's been 8 bitter years since I've been seeing your face And you're walking away And I will die in this place

to

It's been 10 fucking years since I've been seeing your face round here And you're walking away And I will drown in the fear

i.e. ah…the lyrical differences in the chorus…yes…also i love how raucous this song is despite what it’s about. it’s got satg energy!!! “seeing your face”, of course, is not literal 😬

9. ENCHANTING GHOST (SUFJAN STEVENS)

Don't carry on carrying efforts, oh no, oh oh oh oh Somewhere there's a room for each of us to grow And if it pleases you to leave me, just go, oh oh oh oh Stopping you would stifle your enchanting ghost

and

Did you cut your hands on me? Are my edges sharp? Am I a pest to feed?

i.e. 😬😬😬

10. PAUL (BIG THIEF)

In the blossom of the months I was sure that I'd get driven off with thought So I swallowed all of it As I realized there was no one  Who could kiss away my shit

and PARTICULARLY

Well Paul, I know you said That you'd take me any way I came or went But I'll push you from my brain See, you're gentle baby I couldn't stay, I'd only bring you pain

i.e. HARROWING TERRITORY!!!

11. PITSELEH (ELLIOTT SMITH)

I'll tell you why I Don't wanna know where you are I gotta joke I've been dying to tell you

i.e. sorry. a lot of elliott smith on this playlist. thems the breaks

12. OPHELIA (THE LUMINEERS)

Oh, Ophelia You've been on my mind girl like a drug Oh, Ophelia Heaven help a fool who falls in love

i.e. callbacks to SONGS5…! and more pain

13. CLOUDS (BORNS)

I forget all my dreams I forget everyones name I meet I forget about time and space But I can't stop thinking 'bout your face

i.e. tfw your memory’s shit and also you just threw yourself into the sky and you’re still not over it. yowch!

14. ARCADE (DUNCAN LAWRENCE)

Oh, oh-oh-oh oh Oh, oh-oh-oh, oh All I know, all I know Loving you is a losing game

i.e. sorry i heard this song first in a c#tradora edit and i have never recovered.

15. WARS (OF MONSTERS AND MEN)

Yeah, I love you on the weekends But I'm careless and I'm wicked Yeah, I love you on the weekends It's a cruel war I still have pieces of you stuck on me Pieces of you stuck on me Yeah, I love you on the weekends It's a cruel war

i.e. PIECES OF YOU STUCK ON ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! this is the only song of the new omam i’ve heard. i never got around to listening to it. but this one slaps

16. MONTERO (LIL NAS X)

Lookin' at the table, all I see is weed and white Baby, you livin' the life, but baby, you ain't livin' right Cocaine and drinkin' with your friends You live in the dark, boy, I cannot pretend

AND

A sign of the times every time that I speak A dime and a nine, it was mine every week What a time, an incline, God was shinin' on me Now I can't leave And now I'm actin' hella elite

AND ESPECIALLY

I want that jet lag from fuckin' and flyin'

i.e. God i love this song. re: avatarhood. YOU CAN’T LEAVE!!! not saying it’s like being a celebrity, but it’s like being a celebrity. dual perspectives here with G + his morality regarding the person he loves being, uh, evil? (you live in the dark / i cannot pretend) and M + debt he owes to his god, erosion of his own morals. also, SHEER F*CKING VIBES

17. GEYSER (MITSKI)

You're my number one You're the one I want And you've turned down Every hand that has beckoned me to come

i.e. love songs that serve double as to your god and to your lover

18. THAT’S WHAT I LIKE (BRUNO MARS)

Jump in the Cadillac (Girl, let's put some miles on it) Anything you want (Just to put a smile on it) You deserve it baby, you deserve it all

i.e. this song is here because i say so. a real “sorry it’s been seven years let me make it up to you” vibe

19. RUN AWAY WITH ME (SUFJAN STEVENS)

And I say, love Come run away with me Sweet, falling remedy Come run away with me

i.e. more grand ridiculous propositions. more to come. but they’re born out of a real frustration with the situation at hand! it sucks! also, “falling remedy”,

20. LET’S GET MARRIED (BLEACHERS)

I'm gonna get right for you, honey I'll take all of my medicine, spend you all my money, yeah I know it's hard enough to love me But I woke up in a safe house singing, "Honey, let's get married"

i.e. bro.

21. I WILL (MITSKI)

And while you sleep I'll be scared So by the time you wake I'll be brave

i.e. a lot of these here are self explanatory..

22. ME & MY DOG (BOYGENIUS)

I had a fever Until I met you Now you make me cool

also

I never said I'd be all right Just thought I could hold myself together But I couldn't breathe, I went outside Don't know why I thought it'd be any better I'm fine now, it doesn't matter

i.e. title is significant. and yeah. just. recovery’s tricky

23. I FOUND (AMBER RUN)

And I've moved further than I thought I could But I missed you more than I thought I would

i.e. this is like a staple song for like. basically. any pairing. but i’m pathetic and it gets me every time. there’s something about it. not sure if i’m going to leave it on this playlist but. hm. yeah

OK that’s a wrap. highly likely i’ll put more songs on this as i go

[suffering-and-happy-about-it]

Mount Everest Ain't Got Shit On Us, Part 20. (Fezco x fem!reader) - The Aftermath, Part 3. (Ending)

Description: You were always told that your life will be as you wish it to be if you’ll study enough. That it will pay off if you work hard. And some people were given you like a scary example of what will happen when you don’t obey. But sometimes it feels good to disobey.

A/N: Inspired by Cinderella by the man of the greatest, Mac Miller for two reasons (and Talk by Khalid slightly in the end).

He truly is a great rapper in my opinion (and not because his life ended up so soon, sadly). I like the beats of his songs, the energy, they have thoughts in them (like Cinderella or Self Care).

Cinderella is a break-up song, but also, Mac says that he’s waiting for that girl no matter what.

Also, it should end up way different, but I was too sad, so I made it a bit sweeter. Still sad tho.

Warnings: Angst, ending of the series. You're gonna hate me, folks. Also a lot of Khalid mentions. And ma being right once again.

Word count: 4.1 K

Read the rest here, babe: PART 1  PART 2  PART 3  PART 4  PART 5  PART 6  PART 7  PART 8  PART 9  PART 10  PART 11  PART 12  PART 13  PART 14  PART 15  PART 16  PART 17  PART 18  PART 19

Masterlist and declaration: H E R E

Tagging: @charmed-asylum, @jeyramarie, @pantherxrogers, @analia-analia-analia​

There's no such freedom as letting the bike ride down from the hill on its own, nothing is better than riding down with your ass up just as your hair flies around you and you close your eyes, smiling to the sun as songs rush through your earbuds.

For the first time in forever, you could feel happy and calm, a smile appearing on your lips basically on its own. The last few months were a fucking ride, you couldn't put it in other words. Your heart broke many times as you broke down in tears, sliding down leaning into the wall. There was a lot of screaming at your home, a lot of curse words falling down; from you and Fran, not from your parents.

She needs to go on rehab, your ma said when she saw you for the first time in hospital. There was no such terrible news for Christian parents than knowing that their child is a drug addict. Or a lesbian. They could somehow handle Fran like that problem kid, at least for the first time she got into a rehab, but when you ended up on a hospital bed for the first time as well, they were so disappointed.

Also at that moment, Fran was on the same hospital floor with recovering from cuttings under her neck, her ankles, and her palms. She was out. Sleeping. Fighting for her life. In the end, you couldn't blame your parents for their reactions. One of their kids ended up in the hospital, drugged and almost dead, and when the kid had finally woken up, the other one tried to kill themselves. It was just too much to take in.

Of course, you were forbidden to see Fezco when they learned what actually happened, or what occurred according to the witnesses. If they knew that the man with a red beard just appeared in the same room as you did, they would kill you both. Regardless of what happened, they made Fezco the bad guy, even if the police found him completely innocent. For further restricting the contact between you two, they even took your phone away.

Your man almost couldn't handle that shit - and he didn't even hear the worst part at that time. He sat by your side almost every evening since you were in a coma, holding your hand, sometimes even sleeping by your side - and when his little angel had finally woken up, he was restricted to see her.

Thank God, the teen-agers who were saving his ass have done a really good job - part of that was that Nate had got a good record with manipulating crimes and he was from a well-respected family. And the other part was done thanks to Jules, who took all his drug-dealing junk into her room until the situation got quiet. They were working to save him a good time and they knew that they would be able to manipulate a murder - which didn't mean that they would like to kill for business from that moment on (even if Rue persuaded that idea many times).

But in the end, Fezco wasn't arrested or rotting in jail, which made you happy. But even if he was legally cleansed, that didn't make a difference for your parents at all. He was a criminal - and he could damage your life and well-being.

Of course that as soon as they released you our of the hospital, and they also told that there's no need for rehab since you're not a junkie, you ran off in the night. It was a cold January night, it was snowing and the roads and pavements were covered in a thin layer of ice.

As soon as your lips touched his, your body started to undress before you even realized any of it. There was no need for words. You only needed him and his dick. You slowly realized that you're naked when his warm skin pressed on yours and started to heat it. The truth was that you only barely realized what you were doing as you felt all those things after a few months. You wished for his taste never leaving your lips, for his skin to warm you until the day was over and to smell him when you close your eyes.

Fezco wanted to make you feel love and to make you feel like a princess, yet it didn't end up like that at all. It was passionate, it was almost violent at whiles. You started on the bed and when he was finally naked, you somehow ended up on all fours, ass up for him, yelling to the floor as you felt the skin on your knees burning. 

He always told you that you look like a beautiful, tender angel. That night was somehow different - you wanted and needed to be broken by him. Fez basically destroyed you that night - just as you mesmerized him by slow, tender lovemaking - you rode him like he loved to and to feel you after such a long time was like a dream coming true. Unreal.

When it was all done, you laid down in his bed, holding him just as if he belonged to you - your hand around his hips, your leg entwined between his thighs with your forehead on his chest. You felt safe. But you know that it wasn't for too long.

"I heard rumors." - Fez started slowly, drawing circles on your naked shoulder, kissing the top of your head.

"Oh yeah?" - You wondered with a low chuckle, kissing the small sweet spot between his flat breasts. - "What did you hear? Do you want to share with the class?" - You mumbled as you continued up to below the line of his beard, your hand slowly traveling down, thinking of round three.

"About you movin' out of da town." - Fezco whispered, watching you with his blue eyes. He was... Hurt. And about to cry. Which mad you inclined to crying as well. It was like an instant connection.

"I am afraid... That those aren't only rumors, Fez." - You sighed. The man under your body just shifted for a second before he closed his eyes as he smoothed his face with his fingers. - "I need to. My parents want me to. And they wouldn't leave me alone."

"When ya leavin'?" - Fezco gently pushed you on his body, leaning his head down to kiss you.

"On Monday." - You mumbled to his lips and felt, how he tensed. And practically pushed his lips off yours. - "I have already packed everything."

"And when you planned on tellin' me? Huh? A short call at a gas station?" - He got up from the bed, taking some underwear on, leaving you naked between the blankets. Everything inside you strangely hurt, it felt like if you let your man down, because he wasn't even able to look in your direction. 

At that moment, he didn't think about loving you like anybody else on the whole planet, he just thought about you being gone from his day-to-day life in just two days from that night. That just wasn't fair - how could someone love somebody else so much only to let them go?

“Fezco, you know that it's not like that.” - You sat, covering your own body with a blanket. You felt as tears slowly crept into your eyes. - “You know how complicated my life is right now. You do.”

“Whatever, man.” - He leaned his palms into one of the cabinets in his room, looking into the mirror as you dressed up. You felt the need to leave immediately. Before knocking on his door, you were willing to give him both the nights that were remaining to you in the town. Now, you just wanted to get away from that place. 

And so you did. And didn't come back after that, not hearing a single word from Fez again. You took it as a break-up. He hadn't tried to contact you after that one last passionate night. It felt cold. So you acted cold as well, you didn't stealthy left your room or went to his and Ash’s gas station. And it hurt like hell; it hurt so much that you only laid in your bed and cried until you fell asleep, not leaving your room for food or toilette.

And this time, you hadn't got Fran by your side to tell you that you will do just fine - with Fez or without him. 

Rue and Jules came to visit you just before it was your time to leave, both of them were crying like hell. Rue held you for a ridiculous amount of time, so tightly that you giggled. Then you sat at your room, a rap song playing from Jules’ phone. 

“We’ll miss ya, idiot.” - Rue said and nuzzled her head into your upper thigh so you could massage her scalp.

“If you can behave and you will stay clean, you can come to visit me to Minnesota on spring break.” - You smoothed her cheek with a small smile. - “Granny has a place for all of us there. It will be fun because Minnesota is beautiful.” 

“Yeah, I heard somewhere that its wilderness is great. We can go hiking.” - Jules exclaimed happily, holding your other hand.

“Only if missy here on my lap will stay clean. Can you promise that?” - You asked the beauty on your lap and she nodded lazily with her eyes closed and a sad face, she was smelling you, so she remembered your favorite perfume or antiperspirant. 

“Anything new about Fez?” - You mumbled with a sigh. 

“He’s still refusing to speak with us. He tries to get me clean again and I think that we are remindin’ his ass of ya. You know that it still means that he loves ya?” - Rue played with your fingers childishly. Of course, he was in love with you - because you still couldn't get him out of your head or heart as well. 

The question was if you will be ever able to forgive him. Everything was screaming his name to you - like the small things on your bedside table, an empty frame where your photo used to be, weird hoodies that reminded you of his style, that tone of his voice whispering you dirty little jokes whispered to your ear, him making you laugh whenever he felt you're stressed that you could hear in any song you’ve listened to, his smile and blue eyes in the color of the sky. No. No, you knew you could hardly move on from that intense relationship. And even if you eventually do, there will be a part of you still in love with that man. 

No other boy will ever take your panties off, damped as hell, the way Fezco did. Nobody brews coffee the way he did and nobody else will watch you perform concerts only in your lacy bra and bathrobe.

“He will be fine. He always is. Let him take his time.” - You nodded, crying again, but smiling at Rue sadly. 

“And about ya?” - Rue asked seriously and you just looked away. After that, Jules changed the topic fast, because she knew that you're about to scream in frustration. 

One thing was crossing your mind again and again - why people who are the closest to be actual angels are the most corrupted ones? You took a good look at Rue, the girl with heart of gold - a drug addict, irresponsible woman with OCD, ADD and so many shits to add to the stock. Jules, such an incredible sweet - also a kind of slut for older men. Fezco, literally the best boy you have ever met and basically the love of your life - a dropout highschooler and a dealer who killed a person.

The people around you were the literal angels - and the most fucked up of all people youve ever met and you knew that you will never meet anyone like them in your life. 

So naturally, when it came to saying goodbye, there were so many tears that it couldn't be counted. Rue was telling you dumb jokes and promised to send you letters every once a while, Cal couldn't even speak in his terms because he was sobbing so much and Jules... She was just sadly smiling at you and even if she wasn't crying at all, you could feel that she is sad.

But you only laughed when your ma started the engine and Jules and Rue followed you on their bikes until the Hope you'll come to visit you again and you only could laugh because they were yelling stuff at you the whole way while you were leaning from the window and looking at them. 

When you left the town, you closed the window, seeing those two still watching your car disappear. You sighed and started to play with the few rings you had on both hands. 

“How you're doing?” - Your ma asked silently. You disappointed her really bad, but you were still her daughter and you knew that sooner or later, she will start trusting you again. But you also knew that you needed to take small steps at a time. Same with dad. You fucked up, that was for sure - but there was still a comparison to Fran, so your fucking-up bar wasn't as high, you thought to yourself.

“I'm doing just fine.” - You said quietly, not looking at her. - “Thanks for your concern.” 

“Y/N, stop acting like Fran. This is...-” - Your ma gripped the steering wheel a bit tighter. - “For the sake of my own health and well being, I know, I know. How I said, thanks for your concern.” 

“Look, I know that this whole attitude thing is about Fez. And I get it, totally.” - She started quietly. That was when you turned off the radio and turned your face to her a bit. 

“He isn't a bad person and you know that.” - You mumbled with the breaking of your heart being pressed into every letter of that sentence.

“And if I remember correctly, I and neither your father ever told that. Never. Not even once.” - She sighed and after a long time, she started speaking again. - “He is a wonderful man when we are speaking about his character only. All I needed to know is that he makes my daughter happy and that he is honest and serious with her. And I swear to God that I've never seen anyone looking at someone else like when he watched every move you ever made. I liked having him over for dinner or movie marathons. He was kind to me and nice under any circumstances. Fezco is a good, loyal and loving person.” - She told you. You were sitting there like a hot pile of shit, looking in front of you without any word coming to your tongue. 

“And I know you left your room on Friday and I am not dumb. But you two needed to talk to each other for the last time. I needed you to do it, because it doesn't matter if he is a nice guy or not when he shot a guy with a gun, regardless it was self-defense or not. A mother doesn't want to see her child with a man like that.” - She stopped the car on the right side of the road and she watched as your cheeks have filled with tears. But she didn't stop the engine.

“And I know that if you want, you can just be with him again when you are an adult. But I think that now it just isn't your time to be together - things happened to him, thing happened to you and... I know it hurts, baby. I know. But give it some time. Let both your lives settle down, grow up a bit, grow as a person and someday, maybe, if you want, you can save the man you're so blatantly in love with now.” - Your ma took your hand to her palm and kissed it slowly, letting you cry. 

She was right, just as always. You’ve done wrong - but just as you did, he did too. And she did even know that if you would want to continue the relationship in the future, you could and she couldn't stop. But this was her way of making you stop for a while, so you could get out of Fezcos drug world she didn't even know about. 

“We have broken up... The night I have sneaked out of my window.” - You confessed quietly and she just closed her eyes and exhaled out loud. Your ma was the wisest woman you have ever met. She did antagonize Fezco - but on the other hand, she was able to tell that he has a kind heart and that the relationship you had was an unusually strong one for the first one in your romantical life, at least openly. 

She even liked that boy. He helped with the dishes, laughed at her dumb jokes and brought her some nice pieces of dishes and flowers when he had an opportunity. Naturally, she was a little sad that you called your romance off. Or, more likely, he called it off.

“You will be fine, baby. You will do just great.” - She promised and kissed your forehead. She was mad at you most of the time - but the mother does nurse their children when something happens. Plus, you already showed the will to turn the things around. 

Even if it was without an internet connection and extremely far away from your own home, you loved your granny’s big house in Minnesota. It was a big and old one and you loved spending time there since you were small. It was kind of a bummer to start school all over again without anybody, but you managed. 

Your mom got you a new phone number and made sure to give it to Leslie and to Jules’ dad, so they could call you from time to time when you weren’t doing anything at the moment. The town was pretty small and you knew most of the people - but nobody knew the true reason why you moved there. They were glad for you nonetheless.

You found new friends sooner or later and one day, while you’ve been sitting at a coffee, waiting for your studying partner, you’ve hidden all the photos and stories you had with Fezco on Instagram. It felt strange, yet the memories in photos of you and Rue, Leslie, Gia, Jules, and other girls made you genuinely laugh. 

In this town, you had a good reputation - you were a pretty good student, the nice person helping on local events for children. To say at least, you’ve been good. 

And just as Rue promised, she wrote you letter every two weeks. She bragged herself about being clean so she could visit you with Jules - she also wrote the number big and colorful, so you couldn't miss it at all. 

Over time, small notes were delivered in the letter for you - for example, a polaroid of your and Fezco’s favorite restaurant and when you turned it, there was Do ya remember? written in big letters. 

For the first few times, you thought of Rue doing weird Rue shit - but over the time, the photos got more and more intimate - the place where you sat and made love under the stars, the pool where it all has started, a small spot on the counter in his shop which you marked as yours with a heart drawn with a glitter pen. Later, you started a small collection and you were smiling every time youve opened up the book to save another polaroid there. It was like he was speaking to you with small sentences like I remember everything or This place ain't da same without ya singin’ Talk (*by Kalid, author’s notes) and the sweetest was when you received a photo of his bed with This space empty without ya, just like ma heart.

And that’s what got you to that one April afternoon where you drove the hill on your bike, listening to some good old Khalid, as you did with Rue. Thanks to her, you knew a few of his songs by your heart. Rue loved him.

Just as you entered the house, you kissed your grandma on her cheeks and went to your room to clean up your things. The phone was laying on your bed and still playing songs when it started to vibrate and play the ring bell tone. 

You were surprised - it was neither Rue or Jules, Fran was calling from rehab every Wednesday, ma called on Friday. When you read the number, your brain recognized it as if someone snapped next to your ear. You got anxious and you almost threw up - you never tried calling him, you weren't seeking photos of him or exactly threw up yourself in self-pity and melancholy, only the first week you’ve been in Minnesota was like that. 

Did you want to hear Fezco actually? Wouldn’t it just hurt you more? You knew how cold he was when you told him that you’re leaving... Three months ago. But since then, he was slowly making you fond of those memories you had with him. He was apologizing in his very own way. 

But the true question was if you were ready to hear him again. You were nervous, sweaty, shaking like hell. The first call fell into a black screen and you exhaled slowly. No, you weren’t. You definitely weren’t.

Just as you threw the phone back on your bed so you could continue with the stuff you had to have done, it started to ring again. You closed your eyes, leaning into the wall. So Fezco was serious with the call? It made you only more anxious and angry. He was acting like such a douche the last time you’ve seen him and even if he took you cute polaroids, he didn't even apologize. 

That evening was mostly Fran’s fault, yes, but he technically shot Mouse down. And he did so for a good reason - Mouse was scared that you will disclose their location to the police. You could be the corpse. But exactly was also a reason why you had to leave. And he didn't exactly have the decency to neither explain himself or say sorry.

You were basically sure that you are done with him - backing up all those photos you had so you still had them, but not in your gallery, archiving every post on socials you had with him. You guessed that you weren't simply a thing anymore. 

And you even tried to date a guy in Minnesota. But just the way he held your hand didn't feel right. Fezco always held it like if you were a princess, gently playing with all the ring it had, kissing your knuckles or fingertips while he was bored or listening to what you were saying. And the way Minnesota boy was kissing? N O  W A Y. It wasn't right at all. His clothes weren't as cozy as Fezco’s, he didn't smell as good as your former boyfriend did. He didn't touch you so you would feel like a goddess - that was a no-no situation for you.

And you realized that Fez might have set the standard bar for other boys who tried to win you for themselves too high. He truly was spoiling you with every look and every touch.

But that didn't mean you would just run to him when he calls you like a dog. He was doing some fucked-up things and you acknowledged that especially since you weren't mesmerized by him every day. 

So you told yourself that if he calls you for the third time in a row, you will pick the phone up no matter what. No matter how angry or nervous you would be. The second ringtone ended and you watched the screen with anticipation. The phone was silent for a minute, then for two, three... You sighed and shook your head. 

“Y/N! Dear! Can you come and help me out here with something?” - Your granny screamed at you from the first floor. You slowly went to the door, still glued to the screen of your phone as you held the door in your hand. You almost closed it, but it rang again - and to your surprise, a big smile grew on your lips as you went to pick it up. 

“Gimme five minutes, grandma!” - You yelled back at her and sat down on your bed. 

And you picked up.

FIN

[very-grownup]

THE YEAR IS 2020 AND I WATCHED NEON GENESIS EVANGELION FOR THE FIRST TIME, PART 10

Episode 22.

We're getting an Asuka episode? Well this will be a delightful change of pace, I think, because I am incapable of learning.

The exact details of how wrong I was under the cut.

You know what all the dead mom vibes in this show needed? SUICIDE AND A CREEPY DOLL.

There are flashbacks to Asuka, somberfaced and small staring through a window at her hospitalized mother who is whispering endearment to a doll she calls Asuka. This condition has something to do with Asuka's mother being too consumed by her work to be a mother. This is also why Asuka's mother kills herself: poor work-mom balance. Does Asuka's father, who loudly fucks a doctor in a medical supply closet within earshot of young Asuka, carry any blame for this? Have a great big shrug!

There's a flashback to Asuka and fuckin' Kaji (I will never be free of him) having a very one sided conversation, lying on their backs and looking at the stars, talking about Asuka going to Japan with her EVA and meeting other pilots including A BOY. Asuka declares her lack of interest in boys her own age, even if they also pilot giant robots, and her interest not in men, but in Kaji. Her great interest in Kaji and her willingness to do anything he's up for as part if her bid for his attention and adulthood. Fuckin' Kaji slithers over the bar by turning down the 14-year-old's blatant sexual overture. This is the only boundary he sets and he does it in the laziest way when in a just universe his refusal to fuck a teenager would not need to be commended because no one WOULD. I'm glad he doesn't but I hate that I have to be glad, you know?

This jumble of flashbacks is to establish that Asuka is having a pretty shitty time! Her sync rates with her EVA are plummeting; Misato doesn't know what to do and Ritsuko doesn't care and also seems to be ready to fire this teenage girl for poor robot performance.

Asuka is acutely conscious of being 'beaten' by Shinji and Rei post Shinji's month-long sabbatical being absorbed by his EVA, which is pretty understandable because NERV does a poor job of hiding how ready to write her off they are.

My understanding of the flow of these episodes is becoming increasingly less coherent. At some point there's a shot of young Asuka standing in front of the grave for I guess her mother who had the surname? Middle name? I DON'T KNOW BUT IT SAYS ZEPPELIN ON THE GRAVESTONE OKAY.

There are some shots of the creepy doll having its head wrenched off and being held by its head.

Mainly, Asuka's /so angry/. The coping mechanism she learned in the wake of her childhood trauma was about the ineffectiveness of tears and so everything is redirected into anger. She's angry living with Misato and Shinji. She's angry when Misato asks her to answer the phone. She's angry because she knows Misato and Kaji were a thing (but she doesn't know that fuckin' Kaji is fuckin' dead and Misato doesn't share the information - maybe she can't). She's angry when Shinji answers the phone instead, without being asked. She's angry Shinji's polite.

The phone call is for her, from Germany, from her mother (stepmother, she reveals, after the fact), and a bright, chipper, incomprehensible one-sided German telephone conversation ensues. A flashback to destroying a toy from her 'new' mother.

Shinji watches this conversation he cannot understand (but does any teenage boy feel like he understands any conversation conducted by a teenage girl?) but expresses genuine, sweet longing for what appears to be a functional familial relationship. Certainly Asuka's conversation with her stepmother is probably longer than every word exchanged between Shinji and his father in the entirety of Shinji's life.

Shinji's genuine interest in Asuka's family life prompts a sincere and unguarded response from Asuka about how uncomfortable living with her father and stepmother was before she catches herself and is angry at Shinji for briefly seeing a real Asuka, and herself for being real.

She's angry at Japanese baths, she's angry at sharing bath water with Shinji and Misato, angry at washing her clothes in the same machine that washes their clothes, angry at using the same toilet they do, angry at breathing the same AIR they do. She's angry because she's on her period (and this is brought up by Misato as a possible reason she's having trouble with her EVA and immediately shot down by Ritsuko) and because Asuka's always angry it doesn't feel like clumsy 'girls be PMS-ing'. Maybe more significantly, she's angry AT her period. Angry about it happening, angry about it being something she can't control and that boys don't have to deal with, angry because it's a biological indicator of her ability to do something she has no desire to ever do ...

As an adult, living with grief and depression and my mother's death and my difficult relationship with my father, I feel great empathy for Shinji. But I remember /being/ Asuka. I remember being an angry teenage girl, angry at myself and my body and everyone around me. Asuka's got big Not Like Other Girls energy and for me, that goes hand in hand with the boiling adolescent anger, the desire to goad other teens into fights, because lashing out and physically hurting was more real and acceptable than inner turmoil that couldn't be kicked.

It feels like there's a lot packed into this episode, even though it's full of long, awkward moments like a prolonged, silent elevator ride with Asuka and Rei which culminates in Asuka slapping Rei for her serenity and certainty of her place in NERV.

Maybe it just feels like there's a lot because this glimpse into Asuka's inner life feels like such a direct look at the feelings of my own adolescence. Projection is powerful.

Asuka's EVA sync rates continue to fall and it's just casually dropped that more EVAs are being made, like, it sounds like a good dozen of a new EVAs in different countries and hey that sounds like a terrible idea after one recently went rogue and ate an angel and Shinji sort of. Asuka knows she's fucking up, she finds herself lashing out at her EVA and its weird green bug eyespots. It's a weapon, a doll, and a tool, and it doesn't need a heart to fulfill its purpose (which is how Asuka regards herself). It just needs to obey her (like how Rei obeys). There's this tangle of connection with Rei and Asuka and the EVA here. Asuka hates and envies Rei because Rei performs her duties unquestioningly, which is what Asuka wants from her EVA but also what she wants from herself in her operation of the EVA. But Rei is needed by NERV because of how she performs and Rei appears to perform as she does because she knows NERV needs her. There's a certainty and belonging Asuka longs for, much as Shinji longs for the family connection her projects onto Asuka's German telephone conversation

ANYWAY an angel ... attacks? I guess? But it's not there it's in orbit maybe and it's like someone made a toddler draw a bird in space made out of lightning. It's definitely a thing to throw giant robots at and is some kind of bad time but they don't want to send out Asuka. And they don't want to send out Shinji and it's not clear why, if it's because of the absorption month or the berserk eating of the last angel or Gendo deciding he values his son's life (HA HA HA no it's definitely not the last one don't worry I'm not that confused). So it'll have to be Rei and they'll have Asuka provide backup but holy shit Asuka is not down for that and she decides to try and take out the angel in space herself, launching her EVA without permission and getting ready to do a shooting with her giant EVA gun, but she misses.

And then ... okay ... so ... then the angel in space does some kind of Care Bare Sunbeam Stare down from space onto the EVA while Handel's Messiah plays. But that's not good, that's bad. I know, heavenly music and glowing golden light. But it's bad. It's a psychological attack. The angel is trying to understand humanity with its beam attack which I think is what happened to Shinji with the pancake angel but while Shinji got a weird near death experience and a message of love from his mother, Asuka is screaming, shooting her giant EVA gun until empty.

I'm interested in the contrasting ways Asuka and Shinji's EVAs move when berserking. Shinji's was like a wild animal, a cryptid, unsettling fluid and violent and destroying everything around it in displays of brutal violence and blood. Asuka's ... looks like a headache. Everything is bent and angled inwards, clutching and drawing in and once the gun is out of ammo, it looks like it's hurting itself or trying to fold in and make a smaller target for something outside.

The angel's Hallelujah chorus beam is an awful thing of preventing suppression of bad memories? Asuka remembers all the crying she did as a child and her mother trying to kill her and also begging her mother to let her die with her so they would still be mother and daughter. It's a lot (and also there's lots of creepy doll stuff which you know I'm always ready to be particularly upset by) and Asuka's inner Asuka is, if possible, even harsher to her than Shinji's inner Shinji, because Asuka's self-loathing is channeled into anger and it's easy to be angry at yourself, you know? It's ugly stuff, this perpetual motion machine of anger as protection of self resulting in anger because no one knows the real you but then you're angry because you can't be weak and show your true self ... If your only coping mechanism is anger then everything is anger and everything becomes anger and feeds anger and there's no room for anything else. Anger's big and can grow forever in a bad way and ... Asuka's not taking out the angel in space, obviously.

So Rei is sent to save the day (which will make Asuka angry) but even Rei can't hit the angel in space. So there's only one thing to do, apparently, even though doing it may cause the Third Impact which is what all this angel fight has been for the purpose of avoiding maybe? IT'S TIME TO SEND REI INTO THE ORANGE TANG OCEAN SUBBASEMENT WHERE THERE IS A NERV WARSHIP AND THE GIANT GLOWING RED CROSS WITH THE WHITE MANY EYED DANGLY ENDED BODY OF ADAM TREVOR TO GET THE SPEAR OF LONGINUS. Longinus is removed from Adam Trevor, like you do, and Longinus was the only thing keeping Adam Trevor ... dead? Inert? I don't know but the dangly bottom end bits get all pulsing and roiling and Akira and maybe become legs no time to dwell on this Rei's back to the surface. Rei throws Longinus at the angel in space and that does the trick I guess but she throws it so hard that the spear lands on the moon. I guess they don't have the spear of Longinus anymore and while I don't know why/if they needed it, they definitely seem to have been using it.

There's no more Handel and that's good but Longinus seems like something they maybe wanted to put back in the chest of the upsetting ever growing white figure on the cross in the tang ocean but I guess that's a problem for next week.

Asuka doesn't get absorbed into her EVA for any length of time and post-battle, Shinji tells her hunched form he's glad she's okay. Asuka hates him and would rather be dead than to live having been rescued by Rei.

I'm amazed Asuka had an episode to herself (cultural consciousness of this show is so strange, I'd presumed such importance from her, but she hasn't been in that much, really, and then often as comic relief) and her rage was given depth. This concludes my report on Episode 22 of Neon Genesis Evangelion.

[nickelkeep]

Last Goodbye

Pairing: Past Gabriel/Sam Rating: Teen Word Count: 1400 Warnings: Brief Suicidal Thought. This is pure angst. There is no happy ending. Written For: @misha-moose-dean-burger-lover​‘s @angsty-angstweek​ On Ao3

Sam didn't know that he was being followed. Gabriel made sure of it. Despite Castiel figuring out quickly that he was still alive, Gabriel begged and pleaded with him to not tell Sam. He caused enough issues in Sam's life, coming back from faked deaths. Gabriel didn't want to interrupt Sam's life yet again.

Gabriel figured he could pull enough strings from behind the scenes. He was already under Billie's command, brought back for the sole purpose of making an army to take down his father. So Gabriel knew there would be no harm in doing a little more and making sure Sam thrived. They were waiting for the opportune time to strike anyway. Billie may have been a little terse with him when he juiced up Eileen. She needed to make contact with Sam faster, as far as Gabriel was concerned. But he honestly did it for Sam, not for Billie's insane war. Sam needed something - someone - good in his life. Even if it wasn't him. Not anymore.

The archangel closed his eyes and listened to the world around him. So many people were completely unaware of what was going on. Of the horrors and the monstrosities that surrounded them. They knew nothing of what Heaven and Hell were actually like. They had no idea of what the Empty was like. Gabriel exhaled abruptly through his nose. In reality, the best-case scenario would be him dying in during the battle and going back to the Empty.

The problem was that the Shadow of the Empty wasn't allowed to touch him. Not yet. Not until Death had done her part and reaped God Himself. Billie laid down the law that anyone released - or who had escaped from - the Empty were to be sent right back to Earth. Despite his father running amok, trying to destroy his own sandbox, Gabriel was almost invulnerable. He could still be stabbed with an Archangel blade, if anyone had one, but that gooey son-of-a-bitch was in direct orders to send him right back.

A flash of light grabbed Gabriel's attention, and he carefully watched Sam out of the corner of his eye. They were both sitting outside, Sam drinking a coffee while looking over something for a hunt. Gabriel sat in his own seat a few tables away and nursed hot chocolate while attempting to spy and eavesdrop. Sam had pulled out his phone and hesitated before dialing. Once sure that Sam wasn't in danger or suffering, Gabriel allowed his mind to drift off.

Gabriel honestly didn't mind the idea of returning to the Empty. No thoughts, no connections, just nothing. There was a little fear that shivered through him, but his heart - what counts for his heart anyway - craved it. None of this pining for Sam that no amount of lovers or candy could ever help him get over.

A part of him was ashamed for wanting it, not that he would ever admit it aloud. How many angels and demons and beasts would wish to be revived if given the opportunity? Besides, Gabriel had been in the Empty before, he should be grateful for the sun kissing his skin.

If he looked back at the time of nothing? The eternal sleep after the other Michael killed him? Not even his own grace and wavelength, but the one from the world where Sam never existed? He never got the chance to get to know Jack or to tease Dean and Cas for being idiots. He never got to tell Sam goodbye.

"Gabriel?"

Gabriel shot to attention, hoping he hadn't brought too much attention to himself. Sam's voice flowed through him, not at him. He mentally checked himself, his glamour was still in place, and there were no other angels around to out him.

"Gabe, I know you're gone. I know that you can’t hear me."

Gabriel sat up a little straighter. He'd been back for a few weeks now, but this was the first time he'd heard Sam. It made Gabriel wonder how often Sam had prayed to him like this?

"I know this is pointless every time I do it, but I don't know what else to do." Gabriel could have sworn that he heard Sam's breath shudder as he exhaled. "I'm lost."

Gabriel fought the urge to go and envelop Sam in his arms, settling instead for a glance.

"I know we're fighting a losing battle. The things… the things that Chuck showed me? Between glimpses of other universes and the future if Cas and Dean had been successful in trapping him? What are we fighting for?" Sam bit his lip and looked around before continuing his silent litany. "What am I fighting for?"

Gabriel contemplated trying to block Sam out. These prayers were supposed to be private, and Sam thought he was praying to a dead angel. There was no way that he would have said them if he knew Gabriel was alive.

"Rowena's gone, ruling over Hell. She's a goddamned queen, and she knows it. You'd be so proud of her. And Eileen? After what Chuck did? After he confirmed that he manipulated me into bringing her back to life?" Sam went silent and Gabriel stole another glance. He watched as Sam wiped at his eyes. "I've lost or am losing everyone I've ever loved."

Gabriel whispered into the wind, "You still have Dean and Cas and your friends."

"I swear, I don't know why I do this. I can almost hear you telling me that I have Dean and Cas, and Jody and Donna, and the girls…" Sam sobbed out a laugh and kept praying. "And this is the part where I would tell you–"

"–That's not what I meant and you know it." Gabriel finished the sentence with him.

Sam ran his fingers through his hair, and Gabriel imagined the fingers being his. He pictured himself massaging Sam's scalp, lightly tugging any knots out of the locks. He remembered kissing the top of Sam's head as he twisted braids into his hair, Sam patiently humoring him.

"Gabe, I'd give anything to have you back." Gabriel looked over at Sam, the tears running down his face as he spoke. "I'd do anything to just see you one more time."

Gabriel almost gave in. He almost stood up from his seat. He almost walked across the outside bistro to wrap his arms around Sam. Billie nor the Shadow had said that he couldn't reveal himself to the Winchesters. But Gabriel couldn't put Sam through the pain again. Gabriel couldn't fight away Billie and the Shadow forever.

"I need something, Gabe. Something more." Sam pressed the heels of his palms into his eyes. "I wish I hadn't gone to the portal like you commanded. I wish… I wish that instead of being angry with you, that I had said 'I love you.’"

Gabriel inhaled deeply. "I know, Sammy. I knew how much you loved me – still love me – and I wish that I could be with you."

"Dammit, Gabe, why does it feel like you're here?" Sam picked up his napkin and blew his nose. "Out of all the times I've prayed to you in the past two years… Fuck, for all I know, it's Chuck trying to kick me while I'm down."

Gabriel paused with realization and cursed his father's name. Sam, his Sam, had lost hope. The one who always found hope, even in the bleakest of situations, had given up. The urge to hold him, to tell Sam that he had an army behind him, rose up stronger.

"You know you can't, Gabriel." Billie sat across the table from him.

"You never said I couldn't reveal myself to him."

"Figured you were smart enough to know the consequences if you do." Billie looked at Sam, who was oblivious to her presence. "And I know you don't want to hurt him."

Gabriel paused for a moment and looked at Sam. "I just need…"

"I know, Gabriel. Be smart about it." Gabriel turned back to where Billie sat, to find the spot vacant.

"Fuck you, Billie." Gabriel took a deep breath. He knew that Billie was right. Gabriel closed his eyes and recounted the last few things Sam had prayed during his brief exchange with Death. He looped the images in his own mind, replaying Sam's memories. Sam had seen horrible things in the future where they had trapped Chuck. Gabriel composed himself and whispered one last time into the wind. "Sam, believe in what you see, in what you feel. God can't control your emotions." He watched Sam from his seat. "Know that I'll always love you, Samshine. Even in Death."

Sam sobbed openly at Gabriel's last proclamation. "I love you too, Gabriel.”

[alwaysmychoices]

“A Day with Dr. Ramsey”

Synopsis: After waking up in Dr. Ramsey’s apartment after a series of drunk texts, Charlie and Ethan spend the day with Naveen on the river...

Pairing: Dr. Ethan Ramsey x MC (Charlie Greene)

Choices Story: Open Heart 

Rating: Teen (Charlie enjoys cussing. Don’t @ me). 

Words: 5099 (buckle up, y’all)

Part 2 of “A Weekend with Dr. Ramsey” 

part 1: drunk texts - part 2: a day with dr. ramsey - part 3: unspoken - part 4: in the morning light - part 5: brunch - part 6: the library -  part 7: the cure - part 8: the celebration - part 9: goodbye

There were no embarrassing t-shirts. No “Turkey Trot 5K”s or “World’s Okayest Doctor.” The best Charlie found was an old medical school t-shirt, and Ethan could see the disappointment on her face when she returned wearing a plain grey t-shirt from his closet.

“Any luck with embarrassing t-shirts?” Ethan mused, already dressed for the day.

“You hid them, didn’t you?” Charlie narrowed her eyes, her dedication so comical that Ethan wished he could have offered a confession.

“I gave them to Jenner as chew toys,” Ethan retorted, and he watched as Charlie struggled not to show the smile forming on her lips. In that moment, he decided that of all of the Charlie expressions he’d seen, that was his favorite. The way she bit back a smile and swallowed her laughter, eyes shining with amusement, made his world stop. She was so happy then, and she tried so hard to maintain her aloof sense of sarcasm just to make their banter last longer. She wanted to keep talking with him, to keep having fun with him.  He never knew he needed such validation until he met Charlie, but now, he couldn’t get enough.

“Walking through your closet was like looking through a catalog for respectable men in their thirties,” Charlie had to walk past him to reach the coffee he’d made for her while she was in the shower, and in the process, Ethan caught a waft of his body wash on her skin. For a moment, the sensation overwhelmed him. Before, Ethan had no idea that he would be so intoxicated by Charlie brandishing his scent, but now, he couldn’t help but think of every possible way to make sure it happened again.

Charlie watched him, unaware as to why he suddenly seemed so dumbfounded, and she sipped at her coffee, waiting for him to say something in return.

“Apparently, I am so far gone that I can’t even recognize the insult in that statement,” Ramsey forced the words out of his mouth, taking a large gulp of his caffeinated beverage to forget all of the scenes now playing in his head.

“Ethan, I saw a sweater vest in there. It was a nightmare,” Charlie shook her head as if she was disappointed.

“My closet is starting to feel very attacked,” Ethan found himself smiling and could only imagine what he must have looked like, grinning like a fool and practically drooling over a woman in his t-shirt.

“Your choice of shampoo, however,” Charlie nodded approvingly, “If I’d known your hair smelled that amazing this whole time, I probably would have spent every day just smelling you.”

Ethan couldn’t help but chuckle, “I can tell you found your tour through my bedroom very enlightening.”

Charlie blushed, trying to conceal the spreading redness by hiding behind her coffee cup. Did she really just say that she’d like to smell him all day? It took all of her energy not to physically grimace, and she tried to divert his attention by mumbling, “Thank you, by the way.”

Ethan raised an eyebrow, and Charlie went on to explain, “For letting me clean up and not look like a walking hangover for the rest of the day.”

“Consider it a public service,” Ethan teased.

“I had no idea you were so charitable, Dr. Ramsey,” Charlie was smiling again, and Ethan practically had a physical reaction to it. It was as if simply flashing her teeth in a sign of approval could relieve the tension in his body and produce a brief euphoria, momentarily rendering him unable to do anything but smile back at her.

If he could bottle the feeling he had when he saw Charlie smile, Ethan Ramsey would have destroyed a whole sector of the drug market.

This wasn’t the first time Ethan noticed that he was affected by Dr. Greene, and he was long past his days of denial. To not recognize the enigmatic influence of Greene would be senseless at this point. It was one thing when she was the intriguing intern. In his years at Edenbrook, he’d seen many charming interns pass through the halls, but none had been of consequence.

There was something different about Charlie – something he’d never seen before. When he looked through her records, he knew she’d be a competent if not accomplished doctor, and he appropriately advocated for her match at Edenbrook. Ethan anticipated the possibility of mentoring the promising, young doctor, and he acknowledged the associated emotional connection that accompanies mentorship. But this… This was more than Ethan could have imagined.

This was consuming and overwhelming and warm and terrifying, and despite his best efforts, he couldn’t shake Charlotte Greene.

Ethan Ramsey had never felt like this before, and he was surprised by the amount of terror he felt. How could one person affect him so much in such a short amount of time? And why, out of hundreds of thousands of people in Boston, did it have to be her? A bright, promising intern whose career could be ruined by his unchecked affection. And why couldn’t he leave her alone?

“Ethan?” Charlie asked, surprised by his apparent silence, and Ethan’s head snapped up, thankful to be forced from his train of thought.

“Sorry, a little tired,” Ethan lied. It was an obvious lie, but if Charlie realized, she didn’t let on.

“I’m sure chasing a drunk girl across Boston was exhausting,” Charlie’s cheeks flushed with embarrassment. She still remembered nothing from the night before, but if her texts were any indication, she had a lot to be embarrassed about. “Dr. Sexy” was horrifying enough, but that was just the tip of the iceberg to how she felt about him. What hole had she dug herself into, and did she even want to ask?

“It was worth it.” That was honest, and Charlie could see it in his face.

She was smiling again, unable to contain a sudden warmth spreading through her body as her heart briefly fluttered from the idea that Dr. Ramsey thought she was worth it.

Dr. Ramsey turned Charlie into a lovesick schoolgirl, and it was mortifying. Charlotte Greene was a highly-educated adult woman. She was passed the days of doodling “Mrs. Ramsey” in her notebook in class, but just a few moments with Ethan transformed her into a sentimental fool. And it didn’t make it any easier that she couldn’t crack him. He was the one man she couldn’t diagnose. She couldn’t see past his emotional walls and deflecting behavior, and every lingering glance or surprising display of affection confused her more. Who was Ethan Ramsey, and was he as pathetically in love as she was?

“I haven’t seen Jenner much this morning,” Charlie briefly bit on her lower lip, and Ethan was so distracted he almost couldn’t respond.

“Oh… he’s in bed, I think.”

“Really?” Charlie laughed, “I assumed that living with you would make him a morning puppy.”

“He braves mornings for me but sleeps as soon as he can afterward,” Ethan beamed as he talked about his dog. After years alone, Jenner had been a constant companion, and he gave Ethan something outside of work to keep him grounded, “I’m sure he’s especially tired after staying up with you most of the night.”

“He stayed with me?” Charlie’s expression was suddenly full of childlike excitement.

“Right up until you woke up. He likes you,” Ethan couldn’t pretend to be surprised. Who didn’t love Charlie? He sure as hell did.

Charlie leaned onto the kitchen island, holding her coffee cup to her lips with a wistful smile, “I am determined to become your dog’s best friend.”

Ethan choked on his coffee with laughter, amused by the suggestion but not at all surprised by the statement. Of course, Charlie would want to befriend his dog.

For a moment, Ethan was drawn into a fantasy of life with Charlie… Morning coffee, walking through the park with Jenner in tow, coming home to see someone he loved in the other side of his bed.

No. You can’t do that to yourself.

Ethan forced the image out of his mind. It would only do more harm than good.

“We should probably leave soon if we want to avoid traffic,” Ethan stood suddenly, finishing his coffee and looking for his car keys to distract himself.

Charlie was confused about his sudden shift in behavior, but she shrugged it off, similarly finishing her coffee and holding up a leash from a kitchen drawer.

“Can Jenner come?”

The drive to Naveen’s home was littered with occasional small talk and frequent changes in the radio station, much to Ethan’s chagrin. Though he knew the way, Ethan quickly recognized that Charlie needed something to do, and he turned over all navigation to her. He found that, though a competent doctor, her directions were insufficient, and had he not been confident in his path, he would have grown irritated with her. But instead, he found humor in her sudden gasps of “oh shit, turn right!” and “fuck, it says we should have turned there.”

Undoubtedly, Jenner enjoyed the drive the most. Somehow, he weaseled out of the backseat and settled comfortably in Charlie’s lap, and for a moment, Ethan couldn’t tell who was more smitten with Charlie – him or his dog.

“And we should be… here…” Charlie leaned forward in her seat, making Jenner shift, to look for a sign that we had arrived. Instead, she was greeted with an apparent wall of trees, “What the…?”

At this point, Ethan decided to relieve her of her navigational duties and drove towards a break in the trees. He found the small, hidden drive. Out of the corner of his eye, he could see Charlie’s expression fill with amazement and curiosity. After a minute or so of wandering down the drive, Naveen’s river house appeared, and Ethan could see his mentor pouring over an easel on the dock.

Naveen looked so… frail yet at ease. He’d embraced his death sentence with a friendly smile and resigned to spend his final moments only doing things he enjoyed. Ethan offered to stay with him at the river, offering companionship and medical care as his health deteriorated, but Naveen refused. In his last days, he wanted Ethan to be family, not his doctor, and he wanted memories to be fond, not burdened by the daily care of a patient.

Even now, the pain on Ethan’s face was apparent, and Charlie instinctively reached for him, placing her hand on his arm and giving him a gentle squeeze.

Ethan was surprised, and as he looked over to Charlie, she gave him a gentle smile that left little room for talk.

He didn’t need to say that he was sad. She already knew that. And she didn’t need to tell him that she was here to support him because she’d already shown him.

When Ethan’s car pulled into park, there was silence. Charlie’s eyes never left Ethan, waiting for a sign that he was ready to get out of the car and face his dying father figure. She never rushed him, instead offering her hand on top of his. She was gentle, unsure if he would accept the sign of support, but to her surprise, he laced his fingers through hers and squeezed tightly.

“Are you okay?” her whisper was soft and concerned.

Ethan considered her question for a moment before nodding his head, “Yeah… Thank you, Rookie.”

He hadn’t realized that he used the nickname, and it was the first time he heard the level of affection he placed in it. Had he always sounded so enamored?

Charlie let out a gentle chuckle. It had been a long time since she’d heard that, and she never thought she’d be so happy to hear it.

“Come on, Jenner wants to say hello,” Charlie placed a gentle kiss on Jenner’s head, and he practically turned to mush. Charlie leashed Jenner before opening the door, and Jenner happily stuck by her side as they got out of the car and made their way to the dock.

Naveen saw Ethan first and waved enthusiastically, abandoning his painting and walking towards his former colleague. Even from a distance, Naveen saw a change in his friend. Sleepless nights and scotch had aged him since leaving the hospital, and a sense of finality followed him. Failure was not a good look for his dear friend, and it pained Naveen to think of leaving Ethan behind when he was in such a poor state…

“There you are! I was beginning to worry. You’re always punctual,” Naveen called out to Ethan, but as he got closer, the answer to his friend’s tardiness revealed itself.

Dr. Charlotte Green appeared from behind Ethan with Jenner in tow. Even as she smiled and waved, it was evident that she stood by Ethan’s side. It was as if she and Jenner had formed a silent attachment to protect their pained friend, and suddenly, Naveen wasn’t so worried about leaving Ethan alone in the world.

“Dr. Greene!” Naveen greeted her warmly, occasionally glancing at Ethan as if trying to confirm the obvious. Now that she was closer, Naveen found clues that she’d spent the night with Ethan, and he began to wonder how long Ethan had guarded such a secret from him.

“Please, call me Charlie,” she smiled, seemingly oblivious to Naveen’s assumption that they’d slept together, “I hope you don’t mind that I tagged along, Dr. Banerji.”

“Of course, I don’t mind! You were once one of my only companions in Edenbrook, and for that, I consider you a friend,” Naveen was sincere. Like Ethan, he saw something special in the young intern, and had his health permitted, he would have liked to form a friendship with Dr. Greene. He imagined that, by the way Ethan looked at her, she would have quickly become an significant element in both of their lives. “I am now a retired man. Call me Naveen, Charlie.”

“Thank you, Dr-“ Charlie stopped herself, “Naveen.”

Naveen smiled and pulled her into an unexpected hug that Charlie happily reciprocated. And for a moment, Charlie reverted back to her med school daydreaming and almost pinched herself when she realized the famed Dr. Banerji was hugging her.

In his embrace, Charlie could see how Ethan adored Naveen so. If anyone could feel like an intern’s medical school grandpa, it was Dr. Banerji. In his retirement, he’d abandoned his white coat for a warm sweater vest that smelled of acrylic paint, aftershave, and peppermint candies. His roaring laughter warmed anyone who heard it, and his gentle, attentive smile demonstrated his genuine affection.

Charlie bit back an oncoming wave of sadness as she remembered that this wonderful, tender man was dying.

When Naveen released her, he caught a flash of the pain in her expression, but she quickly returned to a polite smile as Naveen invited the two for coffee in the kitchen. Jenner, excited by a few ducks in his view, hurried and forced Charlie a few paces ahead of Naveen and Ethan.

With a hand on Ethan’s shoulder, Naveen looked at his friend with a telling smile.

“She’s wearing your shirt, Ethan,” Naveen didn’t have to specify the obvious insinuation.

“She slept in my guest room,” Ethan grumbled, somewhat embarrassed by Naveen’s excitement.

“Ah, but you brought her here this morning,” Naveen was satisfied that his young friend had not yet accepted what was very obvious to him.

When Naveen received the news of his impending death, he mourned the life he lost. He mourned the patients he could no longer save, the world he could no longer serve, and the people he could no longer love. But more than any other, he mourned the years he would miss of Ethan’s life. He regretted that, in their years of companionship, he had never seen Ethan fall in love. Ethan’s life had been a series of carefully planned decisions, each furthering his illustrious career and cementing his success, but in all of his deliberate choices, he had never made one to love someone. Once, Ethan came very, very close, but that chapter had been closed a long time ago.

In all of those years, Naveen had never seen Ethan look at anyone like he looked at Charlotte Greene, and Naveen was filled with hope for the two. But the warm hope was followed by sadness that Naveen didn’t get to see how their story ended.

Naveen’s home, much like his apartment in the city, was filled with books. Most were medical, and a few had been written by himself. There were classics and popular titles mixed in at random, most of which Naveen had never read but purchased to read “someday.” And with his days now numbered, he’d pulled them off the shelves and stacked them on various end tables, occasionally picking one up and switching at random. There were fishing rods and unfinished paintings littering Naveen’s living room, and Charlie spotted several unused golf clubs in the corner. Naveen dedicated his remaining time to his various passions in life – all but one. He could never satisfy the burning curiosity that evaded deduction, and he resigned himself to let go of the final mystery of his diagnosis.

Charlie noted that the medical books were not pulled out, and she felt a wave of surprise. Until now, she’d never believed that Dr. Banerji had really given up.

“Coffee?” Naveen offered, already preparing a cup as he had never known Ethan to reject such a proposal. As he poured a second cup for himself, he noticed that Charlie’s eyes had settled on his fishing rod.

“Do you fish, Charlie?”

Charlie nearly jumped, surprised by the question.

“When I was a kid,” Charlie admitted with a sheepish smile, “It was my grandfather’s favorite pastime.”

“Ah,” Naveen broke out in a wide grin, “Ethan won’t fish with me!”

“You won’t fish?” Charlie raised an eyebrow at Ethan, “I thought you’d do anything to avoid small talk.”

I knew I liked her, Naveen thought to himself.

“Even I have limits, Rookie.”

Naveen couldn’t contain his smile as he watched the two and proudly brandished it when Ethan looked back at him, much to Ethan’s embarrassment and Naveen’s amusement.

“As your Grandmentor, I’d be honored if you joined me on the dock. Who knows? You might even be the missing ingredient to get Ethan to fish after all these years,” Naveen took a sip of his coffee, happy with himself for putting his mentee on the spot and daring him to say no to her.

And if Ethan thought it was hard enough to say no to Charlotte Greene, he certainly couldn’t do it now.

“To satisfy an old friend, I will consent to a boring pastime,” Ethan agreed, and he could see the words hiding behind Naveen’s smile: You’re doing it for her.

That day, the river echoed the laughter coming from Dr. Banerji’s dock.

The three doctors spent some time seriously baiting fish on the river, even catching a few that Banerji insisted they would cook later that night, but the seriousness of the pursuit quickly evaporated. Banerji and Greene were first to laugh, though they both tried to stop in fear of “scaring the fish away.” However, a competition developed in which they all tried to contain laughter as Banerji and Greene told jokes. Ramsey, unsurprisingly, was the obvious victor, and while Banerji and Greene dissolved into fits of laughter, they worked together to earn his laughter.

In the end, it was Charlie who won, and once the competition had been decided, they moved onto another activity. While putting away their gear, Charlie stumbled upon Banerji’s latest unfinished painting. It only took one compliment of his work for Banerji to light up, and he handed her an easel, offering to teach her a few tricks. This time, Ethan resisted their requests for him to join, and instead, he and Jenner offered to judge when they were done.

Charlie painted terribly, but Banerji wasn’t much better.

It wasn’t long before Dr. Greene and Dr. Banerji were thick as thieves. She trusted and adored him instantly, and Banerji reciprocated. She was a lovely young woman, but even if she hadn’t been, her affection for Ethan was enough to make him appreciate her.

At some point, Ethan meandered back to the house where he picked up a stray book from the growing collection of titles on Naveen’s coffee table, and he watched the two paint through the expansive windows, a smile tugging on the corner of his lips.

“It’s been a very long time since I’ve seen him so happy…” Naveen’s words were soft enough to almost be lost in the passing breeze, but they caught Charlie’s attention with a jolt of surprise.

Charlie looked at the man beside her, a sad smile on her lips, “He’s in a lot of pain.”

She didn’t waste time pretending that she didn’t know what he was talking about or acting surprised at the implication of his words. They both knew what this looked like, and Charlie was not skilled enough to hide the obvious way she felt about her teacher. To deny it was to waste the short time Naveen had left, and he was the only person in the world she felt she could talk about it with.

Naveen nodded thoughtfully, “Will you be there for him when I am not?”

“I don’t know if he’ll let me,” Charlie admitted with shame in her voice. A dying man was asking her to care for his loved one, and she wasn’t even sure she could complete her request.

Naveen chuckled, “Ethan may hold you at arm’s length, but he’s never let you go, has he?”

Charlie thought back to his time away from Edenbrook, all of the texts she’d almost sent and all of the days she’d hoped he would reach out. He’d never felt so far away from her, and it pained her more than she expected. But one drunk text, and now she was here…

She considered Naveen’s comment, growing silent as she returned to her painting. Had Ethan ever let her go?

Ethan abandoned his book eventually and returned to the dock, and that essentially silenced their previous conversation. By this point, both had grown tired of painting, and they abandoned it in favor of a new activity.

This was how the day carried on, moving between new activities with a fleeting commitment to each pastime. Naveen’s new lease on life meant that he didn’t need to finish an activity for the sake of completion, and this philosophy ruled their time together.

Ethan and Naveen played a game of chess while Charlie played with Jenner, and when they discussed another match, a casual suggestion was made to play cards and was enough to change course. Charlie joined them during the second round, and this continued until they found something new to do.

When the sun set on their day on the river, Dr. Banerji invited them to stay for dinner, and declining never occurred to either of his guests. A bottle of white wine was opened as they enjoyed the sunset, and their conversations were littered with laughter and smiles.

Banerji took the lead in cooking dinner, though he promptly found helpers.

Jenner parked himself in the kitchen, waiting for scraps, and Charlie sneaked him treats quite frequently. Ethan pretended not to notice, and Naveen hid his smile by focusing on the fish. When they finished cooking, they carried their meal to the deck overlooking the river. Ethan lit the candles while Naveen and Charlie set the table, and once they were all seated, Naveen raised his glass.

“To good friends and time well spent,” Naveen toasted, and suddenly, an unwanted reminder presented itself… Naveen’s still dying. A lump formed in Ethan’s throat as he raised his glass, and without missing a beat, Charlie’s hand silently rested on his beneath the table, offering silent support.

Ethan’s smile was grateful and adoring as he looked down at Charlie, and Naveen felt a sense of relief wash over him. His boy was loved…

Dinner carried on in the same spirit of their day. They laughed and joked and enjoyed themselves freely. The jokes carried on with particular attention to Ethan’s less than stellar cooking abilities, and they enjoyed teasing each other. Long after they finished their food, they continued their conversation with wine under the moonlight.

Eventually, the conversation shifted to hospital gossip. Naveen, now out of hiding, remained in contact with several of his friends at Edenbrook but was eager to hear more from Charlie. Remembering how much he loved gossip, she happily obliged.

“From what I hear, Dr. Lahela has quickly amassed a group of followers,” Dr. Banerji’s smile was full of mischief, “You’re friends with him, no?”

“Bryce and I are friends, yes,” Charlie nodded her head, amused by Naveen’s apparent enthusiasm for hospital gossip.

“Is he as scandalous as the rumors say?”

“Even more so.”

Naveen nodded appreciatively, and after eyeing Ethan for a moment, he dared to ask, “Have you partaken in the scandals?”

Charlie choked on her wine, eyes wide with surprise. Was he asking if she fucked Lahela? Naveen was unphased by her response, acting as if it were a typical question as he poured himself a glass of wine. Even in the dim candlelight of the night, Charlie’s blush was noticeable.

“That’s not very polite to ask,” Charlie feigned a dramatic affront, somewhat hoping that she could avoid answering the question. She was aware of Ethan’s eyes on her. For a moment, Ethan considered jumping in to save her, and he would have if not for his sudden need to know the answer.

Jealousy flashed through his veins as he thought about the way Dr. Lahela looked at her…

“You don’t have to answer, of course,” Naveen insisted.

“Well…” Charlie bit her lower lip, taking a deep breath before stammering, “I…” Charlie laughed at herself, shaking her head at how nervous she was. What did it matter if she fucked Bryce? It’s not like Ethan didn’t have the option and rejected it, “I had sex with Lahela, yes, if that’s what you’re asking.”

It took enormous self-control for Ethan not to jump out of his skin at her confirmation.

Naveen looked proud of Charlie, but she didn’t know if he was proud of her confession or that she’d slept with Bryce. Either way, she accepted his smile and casually watched Ethan’s reaction.

“Any rumors to add in circulation?” Naveen teased her, and for a moment, she wondered if he’d asked just to make Ethan jealous. And should she thank him for that?

“No, Dr. Nosy, I have nothing to add,” Charlie playfully reprimanded him, “Bryce is a very good friend of mine.”

Naveen raised his hands in surrender, and Ethan remained silent. He could hardly focus on the conversation surrounding him. Instead, he was haunted of images of Lahela touching her, claiming her… Jealousy prickled at his skin, burning him alive from inside. Suddenly, Ethan was aware of the fallacy of his assumptions. All this time, he’d thought Charlie was his, but now, he knew that he had no right to make that claim. He’d pushed her away every time she offered her heart but held her too close for her to ever completely leave him.

“How about we talk about the scores of women after you, Dr. Banerji?” Charlie turned it back on him, raising an eyebrow.

Naveen waved off her question with a chuckle, “You flatter an old man.”

“It’s not flattery if it’s the truth,” Charlie assured him, winking for effect, and he continued to laugh.

“Speaking of flattery, I hear congratulations are in order. You performed exceptionally well after the subway derailed. You helped save Rafael Aveiro’s life,” Naveen held his glass up in a toast of respect, “He’s a fine man, a real hero.”

Ethan knew the story well, and he felt a swell of pride in his chest that his rookie had helped so many. He raised his glass in a similar congratulations, but when his eyes met hers, he faltered.

The change in Charlotte was visible, and it startled Ethan. There was guilt in her gaze, as if the mention of Rafael reminded her of betrayal against him.

Oh…

Ethan swallowed, suddenly understanding.

She had sex with Lahela, but Rafael was different. She cared for him… Ethan’s body went cold as the idea entered his mind – she loved him.

Rafael Aveiro was a superhero. He loved with conviction and unencumbered freedom. He never hid his affection for Charlotte, and he never questioned if he deserved her. He loved her in a way that Ethan couldn’t, and how could Ethan ever compete?

Charlie should have loved Rafael, and maybe she did…. But she’d never felt such guilt as she did when she thought about him while sitting next to Ethan. She felt like every tender moment with Rafael was a moment in which she cheated on Ethan, and she had to remind herself of all the times Ethan pushed her away. Rafael didn’t push her away, so why did she keep coming back to Ethan?

For the first time all day, silence fell between the two of them.

The illusion shattered. They weren’t two lovebirds enjoying a day with a mutual friend. It was always more complicated than that…

Naveen filled the silence with a story from his youth, and slowly, they both engaged again. They laughed and participated, and truly, they enjoyed themselves. But between Ethan and Charlie, so many things remained unspoken.

Their conversations carried late into the evening, but every good day must end.

Containing their yawns, the group of three finally concluded their day together. Banerji was exhausted but still sad to see his friends go. He hugged them each tightly and sincerely, giving Charlie a kiss on the cheek as she went. He bid farewell to Jenner with a playful scratch under his chin, and he waved Charlie and Ethan off as their car disappeared down the drive.

Charlotte’s day with Dr. Ramsey ended, and the moon illuminated all of the illusions they shared. Today had been wonderful and magical and fun, and away from hospital politics, they were two people who loved each other deeply spending time with a dear friend. But as the city of Boston approached them, they were two people, irrevocably connected but divided by unspoken words.

Dr. Ramsey wasn’t hers to hold, but why couldn’t Charlotte let go?

I know this is super long and didn’t have a very satisfying ending, but I wanted to show you the unique situation of their relationship. They’re obviously in love and basically married, but there’s still something that divides them... Please request to be tagged for the next update “Unspoken.”

Tag List:  @claudevonstruke @flyawayboo @octobereighth @elixabexh @togetherwearerapture-blog @perriewinklenerdie @nobounderiesplease

[detroitbydark]

Moonbeams and Ridinghoods Chp 2

Pairing: werewolf!haz x reader

Summary: Harrison contemplated his next move and gets support from a friend

Words: 1740

Warnings: None, safe for now my pretties.

A/N: anyone interest in a taglist? Playlist? This thing is beginning to sprawl in my head and I’d love to know what y’all think and what you like!

“If you stare at your phone any harder it’s going to explode.”

Harrison looks up from his spot sprawled on the sectional to see Tom giving him a curious look from across the room.

They’d only arrived home a few hours ago from their “boys weekend” out at the cottage and all were feeling a bit lazy. Harry and Sam had fucked off to their flat, while Tuwaine had taken up residence in their spare bedroom. Tom and Emily has been spending some “alone time” together but by the looks of his slightly rumpled appearance as he sunk into the loveseat, she’d gotten her fill.

It was always nice when the full moon fell on the weekend. They could take their time coming and going and recovering afterwards. Midweek changes were the fucking worst. Battling the bone deep exhaustion that came after a transformation while trying to be productive at work? You could fucking forget about it, worse than a hangover.

Harrison glances at the contact he’s pulled up again. “Little Red”. He can’t help but smile at the joke. Tom grumbles across the room.

“Come on, tell us what’s gotten you so obsessed over there.” Harrison rests his head back against the arm of the couch, resting a hand over his bare stomach. He lets out a soft huff before looking at the man across the way.

Tom was his best friend, had been since they were children. Their parents had run with the same pack and it was no surprise to anyone when the boys became thick as thieves or that they’d formed their own ragtag pack when they’d come of age.

“Met a girl the other night.” He finally admits, locking his phone and slipping it into his pocket. Tom raises a curious brow.

“Little bird caught your eye? Anyone we know?” Haz knows it’s a loaded question. ‘Anyone we know?’. Was she a wolf? Who does she run with? Harrison can’t help but roll his eyes. Tom was his alpha and Haz knew he wanted what was best for every member of their small ‘family’ but sometimes he was just a little too nosy for his liking.

“Naw, nothing like that. Just a girl who chatted me up at the market the other night.”

Toms brows rise into his hairline. “The night before the moon?”

“A couple nights” Haz clarifies, he feels a little uncomfortable by his friends close scrutiny. So what if he was talking about a normal human girl. He wanted to ask him why he cared so much but the explanation walks in before he can.

Tom’s girlfriend Emily had moved into the neighborhood when they were teens and it had been instant fireworks between the pair. Em was bright, outgoing, and smart as a whip. Tom had been absolutely gone on her before he’d even been able to mouth the words “I love you.”.

Of course, with dating a ‘normal’ girl came problems. There was a certain code of secrecy their parents had insisted they keep and Tom had been forced to keep Em in the dark for years. It wasn’t until she’d been attacked by a member of a rival pack, mauled badly, that Tom was able to explain what he was but by then the damage had been done. It had nearly destroyed them.

The wolf could be a curse or a blessing depending on who you asked. The Hollands and Osterfields had all inherited the trait from their ancestors. Emily had been thrust into it, infected by a bite. It had been five years and she still struggled to come to grips with her other half. Some months were good and she’d join the boys at the cottage, run and hunt by the moonlight while others, like the most recent, she’d lock herself in her bedroom for the night and refuse anyone (not even Tom admittance). It tore Tom apart and, while he hadn’t made it law, he let it be known he wasn’t keen on any of the lads bringing in outsiders.

“What are you talking about?” The brunette asks sliding into her mates lap. She’s wearing one of Toms button up shirts and and a pair of sweat shorts that say HBIC. Harrison had gotten them for her for Christmas. She was the only woman in the pack and definitely a bit coddled and spoiled by all the boys. She deserved it though, acting as a surrogate Mum and looking after the lot of them making sure they behaved like human beings and not animals (except for one day a month). She was a hell of a baker and doted on each of “her boys”.

Tom nuzzles against her neck, nipping lightly while she giggles.

“Haz met a girl.” He explains. Em’s head whips in the blonde’s direction. Tom groans knowing he’s lost her attention.

“Is she pretty? Have you taken her out yet? When can I meet her?” Harrison laughs at her rapid fire delivery.

“She’s very pretty. American.” He starts out as he hears Tom groan again.

“An American? Really?”

Emily swats him upside the head and nods for Harrison to finish answering her questions.

“I’ve haven’t exactly asked her out yet. Haven’t even called her, so I don’t think you’ll be meeting her anytime soon. If ever.” He finishes. He can see the wheels in Emily’s brains turning. It was never a good sign. She really was smarter than the whole lot of them and once she got something in her head it was nearly impossible to dissuade her.

“Well you should definitely call her.”

“And why’s that love?” Tom asks, tucking an errant wisp of hair behind her ear.

“Because, Thomas,” She starts off primly, “Harrison deserves a bit of happiness and I need at least one of these dogs to get a girlfriend I can hang around with.”

Chuckling, Tom glances at his friend. “Man, if you want to call her go ahead and do it but know your going to have to share her with Emily.”

The woman in question shoots Harrison a sly wink. Tom was the head of the pack but, when she wanted to, Em had her own bit of control over the alpha.

There was something both frustrating and relieving about being given the go ahead from Tom and Harrison wasn’t sure how he felt about it. He watches the pair snuggle closer on the couch, wolves tended to be more tactile than humans and the pair were no exception. While he enjoyed piling into the living room with his pack mates, drinking beer and playing video games after a tough day at work, he longed for what Tom and Emily shared. He wanted that connection. He wanted to find the one that completed him.

Excusing himself, Harrison pulls an old jumper on and heads out to the back garden before taking up position on a deck chair. The waning moon shines her light down on her child and Harrison takes the phone out of his pocket.

You’re developing a palate for curry. It’s something you’ve never eaten prior to coming overseas but you find yourself falling in love with the mixture of spices that leaves your tongue burning and you wanting more.

You’ve also grown incredibly sick of TV dinners and there was an Indian restaurant with great carry out on the corner of your block.

You roll your eyes. Since you’d met Harrison you had been hesitant to walk alone after dark. It was completely ridiculous, honestly. You’d only met him once but you’d taken his concern to heart. He knew more about the area and if he was concerned maybe you should be too.

You’re not sure why you’re so concerned with how the handsome blonde would feel about you doing something, you’d only met once and for such a short time. Hell, you hadn’t even called him, nor he you. He’d probably forgotten all about you.

Flipping the page of your magazine you try to concentrate on the article at hand but you just can’t get into the fashion spread and designer spotlight. You're restless and completely bored, spending all your time out of work holed up in your flat. A deep sigh escapes you as you set the carryout container on the coffee table.

Taking the overseas contract had seemed like a great way to break out of the rut you’d been in. A different country. A new set of faces. It had all seemed so easy. A bit of excitement! A whole new world! Except it wasn’t really panning out was it?

A ding from your phone has you retrieving it from the table. Your eyes go wide when you see the name.

Big Bad: are you up?

You glance at the time. It was only 8:30. Of course you were up. You can’t help but smile at the message, thinking about a reply, before you can even get a word out your phone is ringing.

“Hello?”

“I bet you didn’t think I was going to call you.” Harrison’s voice is warm like honey and you feel a smile spread across your face.

“Maybe not.” You conceded, “but here you are calling. What do I owe the pleasure?” Snuggling down into the couch you pull your knees up and into your body as you speak, the fleece blanket you’ve been using gets pulled up to your chin.

“Would you laugh if I told you I was trying to work up the nerve to call you all weekend?”

The smile on your face just won’t give up. “Would you, if I said I’d been hoping to hear from you?” The chuckle from the other end confirms your suspicion.

“Sorry for being such a div and not doing it sooner. Was out in the country for a couple of days.” The apology makes you melt. “I’ve been thinking about you.” He says and you hum quietly in response. The line gets quiet for a moment and you wonder if the calls been dropped.

“Harris-“

“Do you want to get coffee this week?”

You have to bite the inside of your cheeks as you both speak at the same time.

“I work the next couple days but I could pencil you in for Wednesday?”

“Wednesday it is!” His enthusiasm is contagious and you already find yourself looking forward to it. “Now that that’s out of the way” he continues, “how was your weekend?”

[annabcll]

MEDALION RAHIMI / CIS FEMALE. — annabel majidi is really making a name for themselves as a tier 2 shepherd. i think that she is studying english + investigative journalism in their junior year at lockwood, living in audax. originally from new york city, new york, anna is known to be diligent & adroit, but can also be cynical & austere. — james / 20 / est / she/they.

4/5 !!! so close !! anna doesn’t really have ... any changes to her, except for her connections to the victims section so :^)

TW POVERTY, CAR ACCIDENT, INJURY, DEATH MENTION, GRIEF MENTION

a e s t h e t i c s

falling feathers darkened at the tips, leather jackets and pinstripes, red trenchcoats and plaid skirts, worn ballet shoes covered in dust, smudged eyeliner and unruly hair, boxing gloves, ornate canes and pain medication, bandaged hands, classical music floating throughout an empty ballroom, bomber jackets and cropped tees, spilled ink and stained hands, glasses skewed, sneers and jabs, constant fighting, smog in a city, spotlights and encores, piles of books and a long line, backless dresses and sitting alone at a bar, wariness.

general info !!

full name: annabel odeda majidi

nickname(s): anna, annie (hates), anna banana (father, exclusively)

b.o.d. - october 31st. scorpio child.

label(s): the catalyst, the charlatan, the crepehanger, the minefield

height: 5′6″

hometown: nyc, ny

sexuality: bisexual

pinterest

stats

biography !!

born to two high schoolers who never married, firoj majidi and parvana banai. they were head over heels for each other - when firoj graduated he took up two jobs alongside community college to support their family, until parvana graduated and took on the arts.

growing up was tough - living in the city wasn’t cheap, parvana’s art rarely sold and the two often went without eating in order to provide for annabel. as a child she’d often wear hand-me-downs from extended family.

was taught to be a hard worker and it was reflected in her schoolwork - anna excelled in all her classes but especially english. her love for writing grew at a young age, and as a child she saved up enough money to buy herself proper journals.

the only thing that she grew more passionate towards than writing was ballet - she caught the image of girls flying through the air and landing on their toes in the window of a dance studio on a walk home from school one day and that was it - something clicked inside of her.

that same day she would spend hours prancing about their tiny apartment, trying to mimic what she’d seen. it was easy to spot the passion anna had for the dance - and within a few months they had saved up enough money for a month’s worth of lessons.

anna was ecstatic - her slippers were old and found in the back of a thrift store by an odd miracle, but she put her all into the lessons regardless. she was quick to pick up on each move, and by the end of the month it was clear that anna had a natural talent.

parvana picked up a job in order for them to keep affording the lessons, month after month - they weighed down on their pockets, but it kept anna happy.

flash forward a few years - life was good. money was still a struggle but they were tight knit.

or rather, anna thought they were tight knit.

firoj and parvana split up when anna was twelve - an event that rocked the young girl’s world, something that she couldn’t understand. they had kept up a front of love when anna was home from school or ballet - but behind doors, they had been growing apart.

anna viewed their separation as parvana running off with another man - an art collector who had a fascination with paravana’s paintings. she viewed this as the end of the world. she viewed this as the death of love.

when anna was twelve, she swore she would never fall in love - refused to believe in its existence. she couldn’t wrap her mind around the simple separation.

her father got a third job in order to keep up with payments, and anna pushed herself in both ballet and school - not being able to handle an empty apartment. she decided to get a job - to help ease her father, but was too young.

so anna decided to do what any average 12 year old would do. she started scamming people.

she’d sell store-bought lemonade as if it were homemade, stole ceramics from art class and sold them to neighbors. she found an old girl scouts uniform in the back of a goodwill and for the next month, she sold knock-off girl scout cookies from the dollar store - going door to door.

her personality had changed drastically - anna went from a sweet, optimistic girl with warm brown eyes and an infectious laugh to cold, calculated, and downright cruel. she knew what she wanted and how to get it.

she got an invitation to a prestigious private school, full scholarship, before she hit high school - originally wanted to reject it as the thought of being surrounded by new york’s richest teens was appalling, but their ballet program was a one-way ticket into the american ballet theatre. anna ultimately accepted the scholarship.

high school was immediately hell for her - pretentious rich kids who all shared a collective brain cell and her secondhand uniform being a prime target for them.

ballet got extremely competitive - anna was a threat to every dancer in their program, bullying and sabotage became standard - but anna retaliated when possible.

this all, however, suddenly stopped when anna picked up her latest scam: faking psychic. through a small network of ‘bees’ she’d pay to gather information (gossip, rumors, etc. etc.) she was able to accurately ~see~ into students’ past, present, and potentially future affairs. the money was very worth it.

from that point forward, people were intimidated by her.

when anna was 16 she was handpicked to join the american ballet theatre’s studio company, alongside 11 other lucky individuals. her dream from that point forward was to become the youngest principal ballerina for abt - and she was going to start by winning over the role of clara in their production of the nutcracker.

she was 17 when she was chosen, much to the dismay of the other girls. she had momentarily quit her ‘psychic’ business in order to dedicate the entirety of her time towards rehearsals & practice.

the final week before her first performance as clara, anna got into a car accident heading home after another tiresome rehearsal. knocked unconscious, anna woke up three days later with no recollection of the accident - and her leg freshly operated on.

it was a devastating event that should had killed her - maybe she would had been better off if it had - but instead, it had effectively destroyed any chances of her dancing professionally.

it took two months of extensive physical therapy for anna to walk again - now relying heavily on a cane.

with ptsd and depression weighing heavily on her shoulders, anna turned back to writing - mostly as a coping mechanism, but it soon became the fierce passion it once was when she was younger.

for the remainder of her high school life, anna dedicated the majority of her time towards recovery, her writing, and directing her school’s theatre productions. oh - and claiming that almost dying had given her the gift of mediumship. it wasn’t too far off from her psychic claims - her peers believed it well enough to either stay away, or pay her for a small amount of comfort.

decided to go to lockwood after graduation in order to stay somewhat close to her father - she’s here on a full scholarship for her dual-major in english & investigative journalim

is in midst of writing her first book, based heavily on her experiences as a scholarship student at a private school, YA fiction, essentially - mostly just to dip her toes in the water and to try and become an established author. if it goes well, it’ll become a series.

the watershed app captured her attention immediately, and she’s been slowly trying to work her way up the tiers of shepherds. finds it completely fascinating, and uses it to help with her psychic business.

still can’t dance any longer, but she works as a ballet assistant for one of the dance instructors.

personality !!

lives in audax, where things break A Lot. she’s usually seen threatening RAs and maintenance men until they fix whatever problems. :^)

that being said - she’s not the friendliest person. knows what she wants and how to get it, and will not hesitate to use people or push them out of her way in order to achieve her goals.

her cutthroat nature was the reason for her success in academics and dance - tends to intimidate the students in the ballet classes she helps out in.

horribly stubborn - if she’s got an idea of you already in her mind, then it’s hard to convince her otherwise.

still uses a cane - in fact, she can’t really walk without it - unless she wants to be in pain.

it’s sturdy, ornate, and pretty fucking solid. doubles as a weapon if need be - has definitely … hit people with it before, though she’s calmed down now that she’s a little older.

used to be very angry, very defensive as a teenager - is still the same, just … less intense. will not hesitate to speak her mind and let her opinions known - especially in the face of injustice.

doesn’t really have the best … relationship with authority, mainly because of where she was raised and her con-artist businesses. tends to be snarky and sarcastic to anybody in charge - or really, anybody in general.

pretty distrusting, pretty emotionless on the outside, doesn’t like to be seen as weak or somebody to be pitied. keeps herself closely guarded and doesn’t really let others ‘inside’ due to her own comfort levels.

she’ll sleep around but dating is out of the question, for the most part - she’s been on a few blind dates, a few casual get-togethers - but she’s always the one to break things off. is more of a careful hook-up kind of gal.

still does her psychic medium business !! sometimes she wonders if she’s a bad person because of it - but ultimately, it’s on her customers for believing in all that nonsense anyway. anna herself is a skeptic - doesn’t believe in anything unless she can see it and feel it.

is actually … a pretty sentimental person, doesn’t take anything she’s got for granted, and is hugely appreciative of her father. sends him money when she can. hasn’t spoken to her mother in years - pretty sure she’s got a step / half-sibling or two but she’s never met them.

a lone wolf and likes it that way, but she isn’t super opposed to friendship - even if she won’t necessarily call anybody a friend. appreciates others who are similar to her - got their head on right, and knows what they want in life.

has a pretty bad fear of driving - will uber if she needs to go anywhere - even then, being in cars makes her pretty anxious. still has ptsd-induced panic attacks, though she’s managed them pretty well.

doesn’t really do drugs! will smoke weed to ease the ache and her nerves, but otherwise she only takes what is prescribed for her. doesn’t drink anything hard, either. big fan of beer and wine. probably gets wine drunk home alone late at night … like … two times a week.

goes between being high strung and uncaring - she’s not especially moody ( rather, is just consistently angry for whatever reasons ) but she definitely tries to bottle everything up.

probably keeps pepper spray on her at all times, even though she’s got her cane. has a gun hidden in her dorm, cat ear brass knuckles on her keychain. she’s not paranoid, she just likes being prepared.

kind of wants to write a novel based off of watershed so! she takes a lot of notes - tends to be very observant.

has a soft spot for children, animals, and soft women. kind of person who will put herself in the line of danger in order to protect others - even if she doesn’t necessarily know them too well.

also the kind of person who’ll set something on fire - or do something because you’ve told her not to. incredibly spiteful when wronged. will raise hell if need be.

morally ambiguous tbh.

connections to the victims !!

tatiana samuels / mutually disliked each other and they’d avoid one another if possible. nobody is quite sure of why - some say it’s because tatiana was skeptical of anna’s psychic business, others say it’s because tatiana had gotten a bad fortune predicting her death.

george craig iii / once a friend of anna’s due to their similar personalities - their friendship was ended because of tatiana. once again - it isn’t quite known why, but it’s been hinted that tatiana had made george choose between her friendship & anna’s. tatiana had been the obvious choice, and that was that.

hana williams / a friend & a client, anna would regularly do tarot readings for hana. after tatiana, anna had tried to keep her readings positive.

christoph wainwright / enemies due to christoph pushing her buttons and generally just rubbing her the wrong way, her own suspicions leading to a natural defense against him, which he reflected.

wanted connections !!

maybe … a roommate?

acquaintances. people who’ve seen her around campus and are curious. people who’ve seen her like … kick someone’s tire in a small fit of rage or spend 20 minutes trying to coax a cat into coming near her so she could pet it.

someone from new york who recognizes her from whatever !! whether it’s from newspaper details of her incident, her legacy at her private school, her legacy as a ballerina before her incident, etc. etc.

has taken up boxing recently - so somebody whose helping her at the gym?

someone who tried to like. help her cross the road or something because they saw her with her cane and she yelled at them so now they’re in this weird spot.

dance students !! if somebody does ballet - she might be helping them.

someone she’s soft for for whatever reason :/

hookups !! of any sort !! the kind where you never talk outside of it, or a hate-fuck scenario … anything !!

customers who come to her for psychic readings and like. comfort in the form of talking to the dead.

people skeptical of her !! maybe trying to ruin her in some way.

other shepherds. someone higher up that she’s trying to manipulate in some way for her own benefits.

a drunk one night stand that neither wants to talk about.

a pregnancy scare with another, separate one night stand! it turned out to be nothing, but there was some. weirdness. between them afterwards.

a blind date or two dnfjgkmh

someone she ghosted :/

ok ok ok so … back when anna was an older muse, she was fresh out of a broken off engagement b/c her husband-to-be cheated on her … so i kinda want … smth similar to happen to her again ? y’know. make her fall in love. break her heart. ruin her again. it’d b fun ! angst is fun !

someone she’s like, protected from a creep at a bar or a club ! and now they feel indebted towards her and she’s just like uuuh no. stop.

annoyances !!

like … maybe a pal or two, or three. mainly just people she gets along with !!

on the other end - something where they just. despise each other for whatever reason. pure hatred.

hatred but make it sexy.

a dealer because even though she can get medical marijuana … it’s good to have a lil extra on ya :)

people She’s suspicious of for whatever reason - someone she caught doing something. suspicious. untrustworthy.

someone where their mail keeps getting mixed up.

uuh really im down for anything !!

[geminidarksidehasawoken]

Unbreak Me

@ao719 @drakesensworld @iplaydrake @hopefulmoonobject @sashatrr @dcbbw @fromthedeskofpaisleybleakmore @carabeth @furiousherringoperatortoad

Numb.

I sit on the bed, the doctors words floating through my head. 'Riley, you are nine weeks pregnant' the words taunt me and I want to pick at the IV access in my arm. I didn't know how to feel, apart of Liam was growing inside of me... Terrified of making the wrong choice I sought the council of Hana and Drake. It was time to face my fears. "Are you sure you want to do this" Drake asks for the millionth time, trying to make sure I wasn't pressured into the decision.

"He should know, and from there we will deal with it" I say, knowing it's the right thing to do.

"Okay, I'll call" Drake says pulling his from from his pocket.

My body hums with the anticipation of hearing his voice, the phone sounds loud in the hospital room and Hana holds my hand for support.

"Drake! Oh my gosh it's so good to hear you! I've got so much to tell you. Fuck! I thought I'd lost you too, how is she? Please, I need to know"

"She is coming around" he says blandly, and tears sting my eyes.

"I've been worried sick, but it's a relief to hear she is well." He's rambling, and I just want him to shut up. I want to reassure him that I'm okay, that I understood. But there was a part of me that didn't

"Liam, I-" Drake interjects, but it's clear he has something to say and he rambles on and I almost hate myself for doing this to him.

"I slept with Madeline, and I feel-" The words connect they feel like they reached inside to grab my soul, It cracks then shatters into nothingness and bleeds and I'm short of breath, then I go numb.

"Shut the fuck up and listen" he barks, I've never seen Drake so angry in all my life.

My eyes sting, and I force it all away, Hana squeezes my hand and I thank my lucky stars as she anchors me.

"White, I'm so sorry," Drake says after throwing his phone at the wall.

I'm not sure what is happening, but I feel nothing. Nothing at all, words slur and for the first time in months, I feel nothing. Nothing but numb...

"What for? Did you promise to never hurt me, then do the very same?" My voice is so soft and calm it should scare me but it doesn't.

"White, "

I wave away his apology, I didn't want to hear it anymore, I didn't need any excuses, it was time for me to snap back into life. He has moved on, we weren't love sick teens...

"Liam, Liam" I haven't called his name since I returned at least not aloud and it seems foreign, it tastes insipid, no more life. "I have been hell to live with for the past few weeks and I am sorry"

"Riley we understand" Hana says softly

"No, I walked into this relationship with Liam I knew what I was getting into. My baby and I will be fine"

"You aren't going to tell him?" Hana asks concerned.

"No and neither will you" I tell them with such conviction I remind myself of Olivia.

"White, this child is the future of a country, you can't do this." Drake says sounds alarmed.

"This is the truth, there are arrangements" Hana agrees

"No this child is a bastard, proof of his... of my indiscretion and my stupidity"

"White, you can't do this"

"Yes I can and I will"

"Liam deserves to know, I will be the first to admit he has been a complete assfuck-"

"Drake, I love the man, even when I hate him, but a scandal like this will shake the monarchy..."

"it would destroy him" I say calmly closing my eyes. And even though he hurt me apart of me could never hurt him this way.

*Liam*

It's been six months, six months since I've spoken to Drake. Six months since he threw his phone into the wall when I needed him. The fact of the matter was I was never the kind to kiss and tell, but Drake my best friend would often ground me when I got my head to far in the clouds.

He hasn't returned home, and his sister doesn't know of his whereabouts, she only knows he's alive.

I wanted him to be the first to know of this news, instead of the whole damn Kingdom would once again be privy to my personal life.

The camera clicks rapidly and Madeline kisses me quickly, her smile brilliant she belonged in the spotlight. I raise my hand to quite the crowd for the royal announcement, Madeline is giddy with the news but I'm terrified.

"Thank you all for coming, it's great to see all of you, and I promise to keep it brief"

The audience chuckles "My wife and I are pleased to announce that we are expecting" the applause is thunderous in the ballroom and Madeline beams at me, and I kiss her lightly" Olivia was right, I wasn't just a man, I was a king and regardless of how I yearned for another, I could be content with a wife who anticipated my every move, the press adorned her and so did the people. I have come to respect her strength and her versatility, and I cared for her.

*Riley*

My feet were swollen, my back ached like a train ran over me, I'd dozed off while Drake was rubbing my aching feet. My eyes were barely open, and I watched him watching the television intently, he was there with Madeline grinning at the camera, the television was too low so I couldn't hear the words but my eyes saw, and for the first time in months I felt something a wave of pain knocking the life out of my as I read the headline "King and Queen are Expecting!"

The pain attacked me again and I couldn't help but scream as scalding hot water, doused the chair.

"Shit White! Did your water just break?" He asked and I can tell he is nervous as hell.

I nod through the pain and he helps me up. "Okay okay! What do we do?" He asks in a panicked tone.

"Get, " it's hard to speak through the pain but I power through "my bag... AHHHHHHHH... Bag!"

The drive to the hospital was the longest I've ever had in my life, pain like no other rocked my body until finally after forever, a melodious screech reached my ears. "Mrs. Walker, you have a beautiful baby girl!" I looked down at a wailing infant, five fingers, five toes, a shaved head just like her father. I desperately wanted to see her eyes but she locked them to me. Where they blue like his? I really wished they weren't.

I lay in bed, with Drake by my side and a bundle of pink in my arms. "White, she's beautiful, thank you"

"Drake, no thank you, I couldn't have done this without you and Hana"

[smilesthroughfandoms]

Every Single Star vs. the Forces of Evil episode in one sentence or less

I’ll probably post a more in depth-review later this week, as I have opinions literally no one wants to hear but I will proclaim anyway, and then I’ll probably also due a revision of my ‘Past Queens Connection to Star’ post from way back in season 2. Cause that needs an update.

Anyway, enjoy!

Star Comes to Earth: Princess Cinnamon Roll that Could Kill you comes to earth and meets Misunderstood Safe Kid.

Party With a Pony: Spoopy Wardens hunt for the glitter pony while Star gets ice for Marco’s sweaty back.

Matchmaker: In which we learn it was probably a bad idea to give Star the wand in the first place.

School Spirit: Star misunderstands football and Marco tries to get Ferguson to blow his whistle not in that way.

Monster Arm: “Not my bowels! I love my bowels!”

The Other Exchange Student: Star is jealous of the meatball man from Bakersfieldville.

Cheer Up Star: “It’s supposed to be ironic!”

Quest Buy: Very accurate depiction of what it is like to work in retail.

Diaz Family Vacation: Both Marco and Star see new sides of their dads but that’s not necessarily a good thing

Brittney’s Party: Star and Marco party on a bus that Ludo hijacks

Mewberty: Star gets horny and snares boys in her web but not in that way

Pixtopia: Marco messed up and Alfonso marries Ferguson’s rebound

Lobster Claws: “… You can’t eat children.” “Really? Not even the annoying ones?”

Sleep Spell: “Camera Phooone!”

Blood Moon Ball: We’re suppose to ship them now, right?

Fortune Cookies: Love is never the answer kids

Freeze Day: Father Time offers Star and Marco some mud before riding away on his wheel-mobile pulled by giant time-hamsters I am not making this up.

Royal Pain: King Santa Claus destroy mini-golf

St. Olga’s Reform School for Wayward Princesses: Princess Prison sure is a nightma–OH MY GOD ARE THOSE CLUBS?!

Mewnipendence Day: No wonder monsters hate Mewmans so much.

The Banagic Wand: Star still doesn’t get Earth and like all of us, Marco is always hungry.

Interdemensional Field Trip: Miss Skullnick fears the “Big Change” while Marco sends Jackie cat memes

Marco Grows a Beard: Ludo is out, Toffee is in, and Marco will probbaly be terrified of beards forever

Storm the Castle: “SURPRISE!”

My New Wand!: DIP DOOOWN

Ludo in the Wild: Wait, since when did Ludo become badass?

Mr. Candle Cares: “Star and I have recently become smooch buddies… On the lips.”

Red Belt: Marco searches for a meaning in life and Star searches for hammer.

Star on Wheels: *epic remix of Marco saying Star is in trouble*

Fetch: Marco can’t open juice and Star runs away from her problems and sending thank you cards

Star vs. Echo Creek: Star gets high and destroys a police car

Wand to Wand: Both Ludo and Star are terrible at magic also major ship tease

Starstruck: Star and her idol Sailor Super Saiyan destroy a park and Marco is 100002% done with this shit

Camping Trip: King Butterfly has a mid-life crisis and tries to control an eagle

Starsitting: They’re gonna be great parents some day.

On the Job: Buff Dad is best dad and buff babies are adorable

Goblin Dogs: “You might think this line is long, but listen to my goblin song!~”

By the Book: Ludo and Star still suck at magic and Glossaryck is a bigger troll than Alex Hirsch

Game of Flags: And I thought my family was dysfunctional...

Girls’ Day Out: Janna is back and is still awesome btw

Sleepover: “TRUTH! STAR HAS A CRUSH ON MA–” *cue fandom freakout*

Gift of the Card: R.I.P.  Rasticore Chaosus Disastorvayne… He couldn’ get his fucking chainsaw to work

Friendenemies: Star becomes one with Christmas tree while Tom and Marco go on a date and sing a romantic pop ballad.

Is Mystery: Meatfork is apparently a family name and Ludo is really starting to freak me out tbh

Hungry Larry: “He’s still hungry…”

Spider with a Top Hat: He tries and he is awesome and that’s all that matters

Into the Wand: SPAAAAADESS!!!

Pizza Thing: Marco is OCD about mushroom and Pony Head buys skinny jeans

Page Turner: Moon, how did you miss Toffee in the orb he was right there!

Naysaya: Marco is a mood in this episode

Bon Bon the Birthday Clown: Honestly my favorite episode overall

Raid the Cave: Glossaryck is the true neutral asshole.

Trickstar: Weird Al is a treasure and I’ll mes up anyone who makes Marco cry!

Baby: Aw, look at the little deadly baby, I love her!

Running With Scissors: Marco gets a new edition to his shipping harem and she is so cute!

Mathmagic: Why did the chicken cross the road?

The Bounce Lounge: Marco is definitely the mom friend.

Crystal Clear: The Chancellor guy is amazing and Rhombulus just needs a hug and wAS THAT ECLIPSA IN THE BACKGROUND?

The Hard Way: “SURPRISE!” 2.0

Heinous: Oh, so that’s how Marco got all that money.

All Belts Are Off: This is the negative side of “Pro-tag teen hangs out with older adult figure” trope done splendidly

Collateral Damage: Marco how do you not know what a possum is?

Just Friends: I’m fine! *blows up sign to prove just how fine I am*

Face the Music: This song is actually a banger

Star Crushed: Looking back, I’m starting to think the writing peaked at this episode....

BATTLE FOR MEWNI EDITION!!!!!

Return to Mewni: This is… just an exposition filler. Not much else to say….

Moon the Undaunted: B4! B4! B4 B4 B4 B4 B4 B4 B4 B4 B4 B4!

Book Be Gone: Seriously, did Glossy take trolling lessons from Alex Hirsch this is hilarious!

Marco and the King: This is the  “Pro-tag teen hangs out with older adult figure” done slightly better

Puddle Defender: Aw, look at the little buff babies, they’re getting so big!

King Ludo: The mime stole the show.

Toffee: Yeah, I think the writing peaked somewhere around here...

Scent of Hoodie: Huh, so Ponyhead can be written as likeable, who would’ve thought?

Rest in Pudding: The colors are not doing the censors any favor here, huh?

Club Snubbed: I literally yelled “Phrasing!” whenever they dropped the title

Stranger Danger: Is she the new antagonist of the series? I can’t tell

Demoncism: Tom is a wonderful baby boy and Ponyhead is written as likeable, part 2!

Sophmore Slump: *sobbing* Jackie deserved better, dang it!

Lint Catcher: I’m starting to wonder if there is any competant authority figure in Mewni

Trial by Squire: I think the writers were all like” You think these guys will ship anyone with Marco?” and decided to test that theory.

Princess Turdina: I got more lore out of this episode than I thought I would.

Starfari: Welp, she makes me uncomfortable.

Sweet Dreams: *Sailor Moon-ing intensifies*

Lava Lake Beack: Proof that this fandom will ship anyone with Marco at the slightest inclanation

Death Peck: Rich Pigeon is my new favorite birb and Ponyhead is written as likeable for the third time

Ponymonium: Well, it was nice while it lasted.

Night Life: The writers made so many new ships they had to get rid of an old one!

Deep Dive: “Chicken butt”

Monster Bash: Well, that explains the cheekmarks.

Stump Day: I think they just made an episode based around a picture from that bookcover.

Holiday Special: *insert every cheesy Christmas/Holiday episode trope here*

The Bog Beast of Boggabah: The title is fun to say and the episode is average at best.

Total Eclipsa the Moon: Seriously, I’m supposed to think she’s an ultimate villain.

Butterfly Trap: In which we are all Sean, don’t lie we were all him at the end

Ludo, Where Art Thou?: Dennis is best brother, hands down.

Is Another Mystery: *sniff* I got more emotional over this episode than anyone else did and I’m not sure how I feel about that

Marco Jr.: I… I just… Why? What’s the point?

Skooled!: Epic advertisment fakeout combined with wonderful character development and lore with a shock ending makes a 8/10 episode.

Booth Buddies: Old Man McGucket ships Starco, proceed to react accordingly

Bam Ui Pati!: Ponyhead is kinda likeable in this episod–nevermind she’s back.

Tough Love: Oh man, it’s happening! It’s happening guys here we go!

Divide: We are going to war everybody–And they’re all dead. That was quick.

Conquer: They should have paid Alex HIrsch to voice Glossaryck at this point, it’d be more in character for him.

Butterfly Follies: Proof that someone will always complain about politics no matter what.

Escape from the Pie Folk: Is anyone else disturbed by the fact that he kinda resembles Eclipsa more than Festivia?

Moon Remembers: I was expecting a freakout but was pleasantly surprised

Swim Suit: I’m starting to get a bad feeling about Rhombulus

Ransomgram: Why is everyone in this dimesnion hot?!

Lake House Fever: She’s a good mom

Yada Yada Berries: They missed an opportunity to have a Seinfeld actor guest-star, just saying

Down by the River: I’m glad that she can relax

The Ponyhead Show!: And Ponyhead is offically no longer likeable, can someone toss her into an abyss please?

Surviving the Spiderbites: SpiderSlime is canon proceed to react accordingly

Out of Buisness: How did this place go out of buisness???

Kelly's World: Man, they’re really setting these non-Starco ships up to fail, huh?

Curse of the Blood Moon: Pfft, yeah, sure, Starco won’t be canon at all!

Princess Quasar Caterpillar and the Magic Bell: I think Ludo has the most consistent character arc out of the entire show’s history.

Ghost of Butterfly Castle: Moon, Star is your daughter and Star supports Eclipsa, why would you not tell her?

Cornball: This episode has a heartwarming lesson that I hope more people come to realize

Meteora's Lesson: I’ll take any Toffee scenes I can get

The Knight Shift: I honestly don’t remember what happened n this episode

Queen-Napped: Seriously, can someone please dropkick Ponyhead into an abyss?

Junkin' Janna: The JanTom interaction I’ve been waiting for

A Spell with No Name: These types of episodes stopped being charming awhile ago

A Boy and His DC-700XE: I think Tomco has more ground to stand-on then Starco at this point

The Monster and The Queen: Don Panchito voices Globgor! There’s hope for this show yet!

Cornonation: They’re the best couple/parents/anything around!

Doop-Doop: I honestly think Rick just put Morty through some flux-capacitor or something

Britta's Tacos: Hey, remember these people that we suddenly brought back? No? Me neither!

Beach Day: This feels like a Season 1 episode and it’s nice

Gone Baby Gone: I want a TV show aout them now! Disney, please!

Sad Teen Hotline: Mr. Diaz is way to invested in Star’s love life.

Jannanigans: Hello last minute Janna character development!

Mama Star: So that’s how Mewni came to be--and I don’t care anymore

Ready, Aim, Fire!: Let’s get that finale ball rolling people!

The Right Way: Ok, that spell is actually pretty badass.

Here to Help: There, Starco’s finally canon will you guys just shut up now!

Pizza Party: Moon you idiot you ruined everything!

The Tavern at the End of the Multiverse: Toffee was right all along... I think we all knew that in some way

Cleaved: I expect nothing substanial and that’s what I got

[privateguerin]

right, if anyone wants to know about my opinion on the episode feel free to ask, but I am fully running a fever and I'm in the middle of exam period so I have no time nor energy for unwanted negativity. So instead here's a (pretty short rip) list of things I genuinely liked:

-pretty much every Max & Liz scene

-Isobel getting inside Noah's head and giving him back her wedding ring and realising she was never in love with him. TAKE BACK CONTROL OF YOUR NARRATIVE GIRL

-all the hints about Maria being connected to aliens!!!

-Max healing Michael's hand

-Michael being able to play the guitar again, regardless of the context. that was his main emotional support when he was a teen and now he's finally on the road to healing

-also Alex's confession was great so lets just ignore everything that came after

-every single thing Kyle did, from having a breakdown over wanting to buy a gun to sending Jesse Manes into a fucking coma in a (relatively) non-violent way. WHAT A MAN

-I genuinely ADORED Liz's speech on Rosa's grave. On that note, I don't think we appreciate enough what a good fucking actress Jeanine Mason is. that monologue was so emotional and so human it's the only part of the episode that got me close to crying

-I also actually loved Max dying to bring back Rosa. not only it actually succeeded in doing the "killing the white male protagonist that everyone assumed was safe" that The Magicians miserably failed, but I also think it's nice symbolism that he'd "killed her" ten years ago to protect Iz, destroying her family's life, and now he made a sacrifice to save her. I just thought it was a good way to like. close the circle.

-also we all know there is no way he ain't coming back, so

anyway I'll stick around if (hopefully when) we get a new season, so I'll se y'all soon, thanks for the adventure!

[almightanna]

cisfemale — ever hear people say ANNABEL DE LA ROSA looks a lot like ADRIA ARJONA? I think SHE is about 30, so it doesn’t really work. The AUTHOR / BALLET INSTRUCTOR has lived in Livingstone for SIX MONTHS. They can be DILIGENT, but they can also be CYNICAL. I think ANNA might be A TIER 1 SHEPHERD. ( snot goblin. 20. est. she/they. )

i’m sry this took ... so long to put out ... ive been rly lazy these past few days but !! she is Here and she is Ready. i haven’t played her in a few months and last time she was a junior in high school so !! forgive me. but she’s a very old muse and has gone thru ... several fc changes. anyways !! please give this a LIKE if you’d like for me to slide into ur ims. 

TW: POVERTY, DIVORCE SORT OF, CAR ACCIDENT, TRAUMATIC INJURIES, MENTIONS OF DEATH, GRIEF.

a e s t h e t i c s

falling feathers darkened at the tips, leather jackets and pinstripes, red trenchcoats and plaid skirts, worn ballet shoes covered in dust, smudged eyeliner and unruly hair, boxing gloves, ornate canes and pain medication, bandaged hands, classical music floating throughout an empty ballroom, bomber jackets and cropped tees, spilled ink and stained hands, glasses skewed, sneers and jabs, constant fighting, smog in a city, spotlights and encores, piles of books and a long line, backless dresses and sitting alone at a bar, wariness.

general info !!

full name: annabel maritza de la rosa

nickname(s): anna, annie (hates), anna banana (father, exclusively)

b.o.d. - october 31st. scorpio child.

label(s): the catalyst, the charlatan, the crepehanger, the minefield

height: 5′7″

hometown: nyc, ny

sexuality: bisexual

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biography !!

born to two high schoolers who never married, mathías de la rosa and leonora nieves. they were head over heels for each other - when mathías graduated he took up two jobs alongside community college to support their family, until leonora graduated and took on the arts.

growing up was tough - living in the city wasn’t cheap, leonora’s art rarely sold and the two often went without eating in order to provide for annabel. as a child she’d often wear hand-me-downs from extended family.

was taught to be a hard worker and it was reflected in her schoolwork - anna excelled in all her classes but especially english. her love for writing grew at a young age, and as a child she saved up enough money to buy herself proper journals. 

the only thing that she grew more passionate towards than writing was ballet - she caught the image of girls flying through the air and landing on their toes in the window of a dance studio on a walk home from school one day and that was it - something clicked inside of her.

that same day she would spend hours prancing about their tiny apartment, trying to mimic what she’d seen. it was easy to spot the passion anna had for the dance - and within a few months they had saved up enough money for a month’s worth of lessons.

anna was ecstatic - her slippers were old and found in the back of a thrift store by an odd miracle, but she put her all into the lessons regardless. she was quick to pick up on each move, and by the end of the month it was clear that anna had a natural talent.

leonora picked up a job in order for them to keep affording the lessons, month after month - they weighed down on their pockets, but it kept anna happy.

flash forward a few years - life was good. money was still a struggle but they were tight knit.

or rather, anna thought they were tight knit.

mathías and leonora split up when anna was twelve - an event that rocked the young girl’s world, something that she couldn’t understand. they had kept up a front of love when anna was home from school or ballet - but behind doors, they had been growing apart.

anna viewed their separation as leonora running off with another man - an art collector who had a fascination with leonora’s paintings. she viewed this as the end of the world. she viewed this as the death of love.

when anna was twelve, she swore she would never fall in love - refused to believe in its existence. she couldn’t wrap her mind around the simple separation.

her father got a third job in order to keep up with payments, and anna pushed herself in both ballet and school - not being able to handle an empty apartment. she decided to get a job - to help ease her father, but was too young.

so anna decided to do what any average 12 year old would do. she started scamming people.

she’d sell store-bought lemonade as if it were homemade, stole ceramics from art class and sold them to neighbors. she found an old girl scouts uniform in the back of a goodwill and for the next month, she sold knock-off girl scout cookies from the dollar store - going door to door.

her personality had changed drastically - anna went from a sweet, optimistic girl with warm brown eyes and an infectious laugh to cold, calculated, and downright cruel. she knew what she wanted and how to get it.

she got an invitation to a prestigious private school, full scholarship, before she hit high school - originally wanted to reject it as the thought of being surrounded by new york’s richest teens was appalling, but their ballet program was a one-way ticket into the american ballet theatre. anna ultimately accepted the scholarship.

high school was immediately hell for her - pretentious rich kids who all shared a collective brain cell and her secondhand uniform being a prime target for them.

ballet got extremely competitive - anna was a threat to every dancer in their program, bullying and sabotage became standard - but anna retaliated when possible.

this all, however, suddenly stopped when anna picked up her latest scam: faking psychic. through a small network of ‘bees’ she’d pay to gather information (gossip, rumors, etc. etc.) she was able to accurately ~see~ into students’ past, present, and potentially future affairs. the money was very worth it.

from that point forward, people were intimidated by her.

when anna was 16 she was handpicked to join the american ballet theatre’s studio company, alongside 11 other lucky individuals. her dream from that point forward was to become the youngest principal ballerina for abt - and she was going to start by winning over the role of clara in their production of the nutcracker.

she was 17 when she was chosen, much to the dismay of the other girls. she had momentarily quit her ‘psychic’ business in order to dedicate the entirety of her time towards rehearsals & practice.

the final week before her first performance as clara, anna got into a car accident heading home after another tiresome rehearsal. knocked unconscious, anna woke up three days later with no recollection of the accident - and her leg freshly operated on.

it was a devastating event that should had killed her - maybe she would had been better off if it had - but instead, it had effectively destroyed any chances of her dancing professionally.

it took two months of extensive physical therapy for anna to walk again - now relying heavily on a cane.

with ptsd and depression weighing heavily on her shoulders, anna turned back to writing - mostly as a coping mechanism, but it soon became the fierce passion it once was when she was younger.

for the remainder of her high school life, anna dedicated the majority of her time towards recovery, her writing, and directing her school’s theatre productions. oh - and claiming that almost dying had given her the gift of mediumship. it wasn’t too far off from her psychic claims - her peers believed it well enough to either stay away, or pay her for a small amount of comfort.

went to columbia after graduation on a full scholarship - it’s one of her few sources of pride - where she earned her dual degree in english & investigative journalism ( mostly because she didn’t know what she wanted to do )

wrote and published a book based heavily on her experiences as a scholarship student at a private school - YA fiction, essentially - mostly just to dip her toes in the water and become established as an author. surprisingly - the book was a hit, and has written three more in the form of a small series. she also wrote a small book on what it’s like being a ‘psychic medium’.

annabel only came to livingstone after the apner family had left her a hefty email - pleading with her to connect to their dead son. it was in livingstone that annabel heard of the watershed app - and it was from there that her interest was peaked. she immediately found herself involved as a tier 1 shepherd.

she’s partially there to take notes - to learn as much about the app as she can - and partially to strengthen and build her side-business, though she had thought she was retired. the con, however, is too great to resist. essentially - she wants to become a high enough tier to learn the dirt on everybody, and then use that for her psychic business. 

decided to become a dance instructor due to her experience as a ballerina, but because she can’t really ... dance, has assistants that help her.

personality !!

lives in a semi-decent apartment downtown where the elevator would break every other week until she threatened her landlord and it was magically fixed permanently  :^)

that being said - she’s not the friendliest person. knows what she wants and how to get it, and will not hesitate to use people or push them out of her way in order to achieve her goals.

her cutthroat nature was the reason for her success in academics and dance - her students are all terrified of her, and rightfully so. she teaches dancers between the ages of 16-24. while incredibly hard on them - she’d rip someone a new one if they tried to hurt any of her students.

horribly stubborn - if she’s got an idea of you already in her mind, then it’s hard to convince her otherwise.

still uses a cane - in fact, she can’t really walk without it - unless she wants to be in pain.

it’s sturdy, ornate, and pretty fucking solid. doubles as a weapon if need be - has definitely ... hit people with it before, though she’s calmed down now that she’s older.

used to be very angry, very defensive as a teenager and young adult - is still the same, just ... less intense. will not hesitate to speak her mind and let her opinions known - especially in the face of injustice.

doesn’t really have the best ... relationship with authority, mainly because of where she was raised and her con-artist businesses. tends to be snarky and sarcastic to anybody in charge - or really, anybody in general. 

pretty distrusting, pretty emotionless on the outside, doesn’t like to be seen as weak or somebody to be pitied. keeps herself closely guarded and doesn’t really let others ‘inside’ due to her own comfort levels.

swore off love when she was 12 and during a fluke mid-twenties, wound up engaged. called off the engagement when she found her groom-to-be and her bridesmaid-slash-cousin together. very classic - very re-enforcing of a few of her greatest fears.

she’ll sleep around but dating is out of the question, for the most part - she’s been on a few blind dates, a few casual get-togethers - but she’s always the one to break things off. is more of a careful hook-up kind of gal.

still does her psychic medium business !! sometimes she wonders if she’s a bad person because of it - but ultimately, it’s on her customers for believing in all that nonsense anyway. anna herself is a skeptic - doesn’t believe in anything unless she can see it and feel it.

her apartment is still half-packed, half-unpacked, because she honestly cannot be bothered. got out the essentials and that was it. still has her ballet shoes, still has all of her awards for competitions she’s won - they’re just in a box tucked away somewhere labeled ‘do not open’.

is actually ... a pretty sentimental person, doesn’t take anything she’s got for granted, and is hugely appreciative of her father. sends him money when she can. hasn’t spoken to her mother in years - pretty sure she’s got a step / half-sibling or two but she’s never met them. 

a lone wolf and likes it that way, but she isn’t super opposed to friendship - even if she won’t necessarily call anybody a friend. appreciates others who are similar to her - got their head on right, and knows what they want in life.

has a pretty bad fear of driving - will uber if she needs to go anywhere - even then, being in cars makes her pretty anxious. still has ptsd-induced panic attacks, though she’s managed them pretty well.

doesn’t really do drugs! will smoke weed to ease the ache and her nerves, but otherwise she only takes what is prescribed for her. doesn’t drink anything hard, either. big fan of beer and wine. probably gets wine drunk home alone late at night ... like ... two times a week.

goes between being high strung and uncaring - she’s not especially moody ( rather, is just consistently angry for whatever reasons ) but she definitely tries to bottle everything up.

probably keeps pepper spray on her at all times, even though she’s got her cane. has a gun in her apartment, cat ear brass knuckles on her keychain. she’s not paranoid, she just likes being prepared.

kind of wants to write a novel based off of watershed so! she takes a lot of notes - tends to be very observant.

has a soft spot for children, animals, and soft women. kind of person who will put herself in the line of danger in order to protect others - even if she doesn’t necessarily know them too well.

also the kind of person who’ll set something on fire - or do something because you’ve told her not to. incredibly spiteful when wronged. will raise hell if need be.

morally ambiguous tbh.

wanted connections !!

maybe ... a roommate? i imagine her living alone but i also like the idea of having roommate so :^)

she’s sort of new in town so ! acquaintances. people who’ve seen her in town and are curious. people who’ve seen her like ... kick someone’s tire in a small fit of rage or spend 20 minutes trying to coax a cat into coming near her so she could pet it.

fans of her books !!

someone from new york who recognizes her from whatever !! whether it’s from newspaper details of her incident, her legacy at her private school, someone who went to the same college as her, her legacy as a ballerina before her incident, etc. etc.

has taken up boxing recently - so somebody whose helping her at the gym?

someone who tried to like. help her cross the road or something because they saw her with her cane and she yelled at them so now they’re in this weird spot.

students !! if somebody does ballet - she might be teaching them.

alternately, one of her assistants !!

someone she’s soft for for whatever reason :/

hookups !! preferably mid-20s to like. late-30s. she’s not a cougar, i’m sorry :(

somebody who wants her to be a cougar. and she just has to keep rejecting them.

customers who come to her for psychic readings and like. comfort in the form of talking to the dead.

people skeptical of her !! maybe trying to ruin her in some way.

other shepherds. someone higher up that she’s trying to manipulate in some way for her own benefits.

a drunk one night stand that neither wants to talk about.

a pregnancy scare with another, separate one night stand! it turned out to be nothing, but there was some. weirdness. between them afterwards.

a blind date or two dnfjgkmh

someone she ghosted :/

someone she’s like, protected from a creep at a bar or a club ! and now they feel indebted towards her and she’s just like uuuh no. stop.

annoyances !!

like ... maybe a pal or two, or three. mainly just people she gets along with !!

on the other end - something where they just. despise each other for whatever reason. pure hatred.

hatred but make it sexy.

a dealer because even though she can get medical marijuana ... it’s good to have a lil extra on ya :)

people She’s suspicious of for whatever reason - someone she caught doing something. suspicious. untrustworthy.

someone where their mail keeps getting mixed up.

uuh really im down for anything !!

[ofthingschanged]

Bunch of Hope wanted plots. Like if you like to talk doing one of these plots

College au. Hope jumped into Malivore and when she comes back no one remembers her. Freya was trying to find Rebekah (who had been kidnapped) only to be lead to HOpe because she did a spell to call her to Mikaelson blood. Hope ends up back at the compound and starting college/ Landon and Rafael finished the Salvatore school and ended up finding a home in New Orleans. Landon working at a local restaurant that Hope always comes into for lunch, the two of them flirting and at some point, Hope asks him on a date. It isn’t after the first kiss but after the first time sleeping together does all memories coming back to everyone. The angst of it all and them going about their relationship now.

Also, presidents party girl daughter who has been assigned a new secret service bodyguard. He has no idea what he’s in for or the trouble she attracts. She has a problem with the word ‘no’ and he likes to say it a lot.

AU on 1x05 of Legacies: Hope turns around, kisses Landon and then decides to go with him

someone take Hope bowling and let her win or better yet, take Hope bowling and get her drunk

I want a twisted what if plot where Hope and Roman went to a witch in Mystic Falls and bound her werewolf side, her mother was let go and Hayley finding out her daughter did the unthinkable.

So this is cheesy but assuming Klaus rarely comes back to Mystic Falls it could work. Normally, I never have Hope anywhere near Mystic Falls if she never knew her dad but au on an au where Hope goes to the Boarding School or goes to Mystic High and Klaus comes to town to see this kick-ass red-haired girl that has eyes that shine bright golden when she is angry, does magic freely, and has been sipping blood for days and he can smell it

Freya going to Hope’s parent-teacher conferences and Alaric saying that she doesn’t listen to him. “What do you want me to do?” Freya asks. “Maybe if you stop treating her like some magical little pony that can be used and thrown away she would listen better.” Hope sitting in the chair next to her aunt texting on her phone pretending not to listen to everything that is going on.

I love verses where Hope grows up not knowing one of her parents because she is different there and it is like magic. But in canon, Hope deserved a hell of a lot better like KNOWING her father instead of having to guess the little things. She didn’t get to ask questions about his likes and dislikes, instead had to read about him to feel connected to him. She couldn’t ask him what his favorite drink was or what he likes to do besides painting.

So I have a private verse of Nashville based but another verse based on it would be amazing. Handon, Hosie, Hizzie. all with Hope being Juliette

I still want Hope going dark full tribrid and Hayley coming back to life because someone has to stop her daughter and angsty feels

AU Handon: Reincarnated lovers, again and again, these two always find each other again. Set more if Hope had been born after her father broke the curse (If he had done it back when Katherine was still human) and Hayley was born much earlier. Anyways, immortal Hope chasing after her not so immortal true love and all of the angsty moments. Flashbacks of Landon and Hope in different eras living completely different lives doing their thing, Landon dying young for some reason or another until he ends up being born a phoenix (or golem. I need to research both of these really) and just this whole thing is cheesy and overdone but still going to put it in my wishlist tag

A verse where Landon was pushed into the pit would be interesting or even one where Landon was pushed and then Hope jumped in to destroy said pit and two years later both Landon and Hope come back and find themselves in a middle of a field

So plot idea. Hope and Landon go about their lives and Hope becomes pregnant. She has the baby and with that, she uses the  𝐍𝐞𝐱𝐮𝐬 𝐕𝐨𝐫𝐭𝐢 to bring back both Klaus and Hayley.  Like how Davina used Hope’s birth as a  𝐍𝐞𝐱𝐮𝐬 𝐕𝐨𝐫𝐭𝐢 to bring back Mikael.

Hope would bring back Mikael just to torture the fuck out of him, She hates the fact that Mikael brought her family pain for their immortal lives. Hope would make him beg for death. He thinks her father is an abomination so keeping him in a nice cellar for her own pleasure would be fine by her.

Davina and Hope should draw together! Aunt and niece quality time

I really don’t need to do the whole let’s rewrite the Originals with Klayley but man, now since watching the first episode I want to do it differently. Starting with Klaus being the one there for Hayley when Agnes does her shit, him in the pool with her. give them the freaking pregnancy they should have gotten even with Klaus being Klaus.  I blame by sudden Hayley muse on rewatch and reading fanfiction. So while this isn’t a Hope plot it is a plot

You know, why didn’t they just bring Finn back from the dead and shove the Hollow into him? He didn’t want to be a vampire and that way he could stay together forever. Instead of taking Hope’s mom and her dad from her.

No, but for real. Klaus flipping the fuck out when this teenager comes claiming he is daddy. Hope throwing her phone across the room and shattering it when she sees her mother’s name pop up on the screen. Klaus doing the same thing he did to Hayley in canon of pinning her to the wall by her neck, Hope knocking him on his ass with magic. Hope being locked in the place that Roman had been in when it comes to canon. Hayley showing up and threatening to rip apart Klaus’s hybrid army if he doesn’t start talking about where her daughter is. The two of them getting physical upstairs and Hope hearing the yelling and screaming. Marcel sneaking down to take a peek at this teen that claims to be Klaus’s daughter and ending up distracting her from the fighting.  Hope ending up bonding with Marcel from the start. They play tic-tac-toe with different colored rocks (one color for o’s and one for x’s). Hayley throwing a royal fit to find her kid and Klaus ordering Elijah to go get the defiant teenager. Hope coming back up, having to be physically dragged by Elijah and the moment she sees her mother start’s crying her eyes out. Hayley finally hearing a heartbeat that isn’t Hope’s because Hope had cloaked it with magic until she was out of state going to find her father.

In just a Marshall. Hope running to find her father when she finds out she is pregnant. I can just see it in my head. Plot idea for sure here!

Muse A is a single parent of a very young child, just getting back out there and dating because it’s terribly lonely sometimes. They’re out at a bar and meet Muse B, who’s got a reputation for being a heartbreaker. One thing leads to another and Muse A invites Muse B home for a one-night stand. That morning, Muse B awakens to Muse A’s very small child sitting on their chest, asking if they are their new parent.

A thread or verse where Gretta killed Hope right in front of Hayley and spent two hours torturing and taunting the mother that just “lost” her child. Hope laying on the floor the whole time and all of a sudden Hope wakes back up in transition and hungry, enough that she r breaks the chains and sends both Gretta and Roman onto the ground with magic, pinning them to the floor as she frees her mother and Hayley kills Gretta by taking her heart out while Hope shoves a piece of wood into Roman. Give me Hope dealing with that she died, give me Hope killing someone when feeding and becoming a full tribrid. give me Hayley dealing with the fact that her daughter had kidnapped her first.

So in the adopted or so they hoped verse. I had this idea of how they had Marcel down in the basement and only Mikaelson blood could know where he was and hear him. What if Freya spelled a room in the house for only Mikaelson blood could enter and or hear what is being said and Hope sits down in the kitchen when they all come down and Hope asks, “So what are we going to do about BLANK.” asking about the thing the Mikaelson family just talked about before they came down.

Okay but a college au with Lizzie, Josie, and Hope sharing an apartment that has three bedrooms. Hope meeting Landon later in life and brings him home one night. Lizzie stopping to admire his backside. The girls fighting over the bathroom, struggling with homework, going out partying, paying bills, and just everything that goes with it. Each of them having their own lives but coming together sort of thing.

Give me Hope going back in time to help her mother find her family. Give me Hope appearing in Freya’s dreams when Freya was with Dahlia. Give me Hope going back in time to the very day she met Landon or even when Landon was locked in the transitional cellar. Give me Hope collecting blood every day and taking it with her when she goes to save Landon and instead of her jumping into Malivore, she dumps a hell of a lot of blood into the pit. Give me that it works and she saved the day. Give me when Josie lit the fire in Hope’s room and Hope goes back in time to spot it. Give me Hope deciding to take a different path and becomes friends with the twins after the events of the Originals (After going back in time). Give me Hope going back in time to when her father is human and using magic to show him the life he is going to have for him to have hope for the future. Give me Hope going to the future where she has kids and is married. give me normal Hope going to see Ripper Hope. Or Mikaelson Boarding School Hope going to the normal world.

Princess Protection Program AU because why not?

Once again Supernatural royal but freaking everyone wanting to be in the favor of the Mikaelson family so wanting their kid to make Hope fall for them so that way it has protection for life.

So I am so freaking cheesy but royal aus ONLY supernatural. Two rival kingdoms that have been fighting for thousands of years decide to stop the war if there was an alliance so the parents get together and decided that the firstborns are going to get married

So I want an au where Hope is kidnapped by Greta instead of Hayley. I want Hayley and Klaus saving their baby girl instead of Hayley dying. I want Hope binding her werewolf side or even worse, them binding her witch side and Freya has to figure a way to fix it.

So thread based on Hope turning Rafael back into wolf form. Bonus points if he found human (that he couldn’t harm for some reason? Didn’t exactly chase her down sort of thing) and she is living off the land in this old crappy cabin and Rafael comes back often. He tells her about this school for people like them. Hope going by her middle name and Rafael just finding a really good friend in her. Could turn Rafael x Hope romantic or stay platonic.

Hope has been in a mood for the past couple days. Give her children! Give her angsty pregnancy threads. I mean, she fears having a child but wants them. She doesn’t want her kids to be feared like she is.

Hope body painting Landon would be funny as hell. “Stop moving.” “I swear to god if you tickle my side one more time Hope!” I can see these two spending a lazy Saturday together like this. Hope painting his back while Landon lays on the bed with his head turned watching scifi movies. It wouldn’t be something she would do if her dad was in the house because she doesn’t need him barging in saying, “Alright! Party’s over!” even if she is an adult.That gives me a good idea for her way to tell him she is pregnant if they were together. Alright, so I can see it as Hope sort of using her nursery for inspiration. Hope painting a beautiful sort of nursery set up with a rocking chair that holds Landon and a blanketed baby in like a yellow color so it isn’t that traditional pink or blue thing (even more so because at that time they wouldn’t know what they are having). A sign that hangs on the wall above the crib that says something really cheesy like “Loading…” and see you in ten months (Or maybe even like thirteen? Since Hayley had been pregnant longer with Hope but that most likely was an error in the continuing of the storyline). Hope taking a few pictures when it is all dry that she will edit on her laptop and send out in emails or if they decide to make a social media announcement that they could use the painting as a way to say, “Get ready for another Mikaelson!”

Handon freaking teen pregnancy; young parent au with everything being the same with them being supernaturals.

Handon only a twisted thing sort of based on the drabble I wrote. Hope ending up like Landon’s mother (pregnant) after coming out of the ashes of what would be Malivore. The moment Hope sees Landon again, all his memories of her flash before his eyes.

Okay but the just pretend world for me but with instead of Landon going to Mystic High when he finds out about Hope being supernatural. It being kind of legacies where Hope goes to stop the Catholic church to save a werewolf (Rafael), without her dad knowing and well, instead she drives them to New Orleans with Rafael sleeping in the back seat and somehow Hope manages to convince her dad to let them stay just for a few days which turns into a few months.

So writing Legacies? A thing I want, starting from the moment Landon asks her to stay with him. Her crawling into bed with him to keep him calm because of small spaces. Alaric deciding that he can stay. The knife still ending up being taken by him like in the show but instead of finding a fire breathing witch / dragon in the woods, it comes on campus wanting the knife.

Handon first apartment though. Hope and Landon painting walls, getting into a paint fight. Moving day. the first night at their new place. Give me them buying furniture and fighting over silly things. Give me soft kisses in the room that is going to be their room even.

AU where Hope goes with Landon to find his mom. So drinking coffee every morning with him at the coffee shop with Landon while his mom works. Going to motel rooms and just giving her a taste of what could have been. Plus, I mean imagine Hope with Landon when he was given drugs, she would be still standing and his mother would be all, “What the fuck?” Just Handon road trip really.

Okay but an au where Landon’s mom kept him. Where when Landon’s mom woke from being in the pit, she ends up working for the Mikaelson family. Landon and Hope growing up together and ending up being the best friends to lovers trope. Landon’s mother being hired to keep Hope safe from threats of the Mikaelson family. Even though she thought of supernaturals as monsters that shouldn’t exist, it was good money

Okay but Hope starting a school of her own when her kids are growing up with Landon. They set up the school in New Orleans for Hope’s pack, the witches, and the vampires that come back into town. Headmistress Mikaelson and Headmaster Kirby.The two of them raising their kids together without shame of being this completely unheard of species. Everyone treated like they should be. Just feels. Married Handon with a school though?

Dark Hope and Landon. Blood covered, murdering couple of the year, I am totally seeing Mr and Mrs. Andreason episode of Criminal minds. The couple fucked near the dead body and just killer couple trope right there. Totally twisted and fucked up, tribrid and her boy. Just give me darkness. Two people that will kill anyone but each other.

So, in general, the idea of Hope wanting to murder Roman being a thing. She clearly wouldn’t know her mother is either at the school or lurking about able to sneak into her world undetected. My thought is he is like his mother (because there is no way he is innocent in my mind) so if there was even a thought she was pregnant he would suggest getting rid of it or even trying to kill Hope himself. Either way, I have this image in my mind of Alaric holding Hope back from killing him in the middle of the field at the school and someone (Namely Alaric) mentioning that Hayley wouldn’t want Hope to become a murder and well, of course coming in and making her opinion known on the subject, maybe even killing Roman herself. The whole thing of watching your baby grow up almost overnight and is going to have her own kid that she is willing to protect

Struggling actress that gets to work with a child actress that has always been the center of attention.

Makeup artist and actress/model were they are dating but have to pretend not to be

two costars that are dating in real life but on their show, their characters hate one another so when they come home from work they are all sort of hot and bothered because wow those words your character said to mine left me wanting you.

Actress/Actor relationship where they hooked up and opps three months later the other is at their door crying because they are pregnant and what is the press going to say?

Reckless rich kids that have never been told no that secretly wish their parents bad attention to them so they start dating their parents rival (could be an actress/model/instagram famous person as well)

Honestly, just give me all the angsty human aus

or even make these not human and have them be their supernatural selves as well.

So Hope coming back to the school as Andrea Marshall and makes friends with Lizzie and Josie, starts dating Landon Kirby, asks for fight training with Alaric Saltzman. Just a big do over

 Handon, Hizzie, Hosie plots set after the season one final are something I am living for in the moment! But also anything with the Mikaelson family in general really.

[soulcrossed]

HEADCANON / VALKYRIE CAIN :   POST TDOTL RELATIONSHIPS

with a great thanks to  MAY  ( @foulefairs / @aasmahni )   for letting me ramble for a couple of hours. kind of a pt. 2 to  this ;  i’m going more into detail about her reaction to other people after her return from meek ridge,  AND  i’m explaining my interpretation of val & skul’s dynamic, their relationship in general, and how they ended up where they are. again, this is long af  ---  feel free to ask me for a tl;dr, but  please  note: i differ heavily from phase 2.

REACTION TO OTHERS

listen, here’s the thing. everybody HATES val. at least everybody she comes into casual contact with  ---  and she knows this. she expects this. that’s fair. but sorcerer politics is mainly an  image thing,  so -----  she’d not only avoid people who simply don’t like her, but also those who she  IS  on friendly / neutral terms with, if just to avoid damaging  their  reputation / career. it doesn’t really matter if people see her with skulduggery because a) skug doesn't give a shit about any of this and b) his reputation is fucked already anyway, so nothing to lose there. but say, like, fletcher? tanith? the remaining dead men? even militsa?* they’re all doing fairly well after ... everything and she wouldn’t want to make it any worse for them; wouldn’t want people to bother them  about her  and she’d. avoid them at all costs, in the beginning. anything beyond texting / skyping that isn’t case-related will be. cancelled. with the most ridiculous excuses. untill someone literally drags her out of the house. and the thing is, it doesn't really occur to her that these people  ( fletcher / tanith / dead men, other people from before )  also have major trauma she might possibly help them work through with providing the opportunity to  talk,  to get  closure,  since, you know, she played a major part in  causing  that trauma.  ( val is still self-centred at heart. she tries to take others into consideration, especially after tdotl and her exile but like. she's trained this into her since she was twelve and she didn’t really have any chances to work on that when completely isolated; it's a habit that is going to take her  A LOT  longer to unlearn. essentially, it’s good intention with bad results  ------  it’s partly fear for her friends’ reputations, and partly because she is simply not ready to confront  everything,  at least not all at once. listen. my girl needs therapy. badly. )   valkyrie feels so GUILTY looking at everyone and  still  has it so ingrained in her that she's bad for people. and she comes back to work on that because she feels  ready  to  work on that  again but? she's still super convinced that Any Association With Her is Bad. essentially, she’s still very in her head about it, and isolates herself  again  for a good while, just. on the same continent, this time.

( * i don’t personally like militsa’s attitude of almost-stanning val and i find the “hey so i was attacked by a lady with parasites coming out of her hands” - “haha was she hot” interaction ... questionable.  especially  with blandy’s track record of fetishizing lesbians / the train wreck that was dem.on ro.ad so. i’m not,, comfortable with blandy’s canon stuff. i’m willing to work something out with militsa muses but that’s something that needs to be  carefully  plotted out, especially if it goes into ship territory. note: at this point in time, i have not read bed.lam. )

gordon’s mansion / grimwood becomes her safe space and she does  NOT  do well with having that invaded. xena is a part of that, skulduggery is tolerated  ( in sight! she’s  very  uncomfortable with people in her space. especially when they’re off somewhere making noises --- she forgets they’re there and she’s  jumpy )  and very, very occasionally her parents  ( and only in the living room / in sight as well )  it’s just. hard for her to coexist with living beings again, it’s something she has to  RELEARN.  this also ties into meetings  ------  ALWAYS on neutral ground / preferably in the mortal world somewhere. and even then, she’s going to be twitchy. she has emergency plans memorized. she’ll want to call it off and she’ll want to take the opportunity to Run. she’s not going to, but--- things are hard and uncomfortable and when has val cain ever dealt with things like this properly? 

the thing is, dealing with other people, especially people she used to know, brings on a whole different type of guilt, and not one she can actively think about, at least not at first. there's a disparity between the "i almost destroyed the world and killed a shitton of people including my sister" kinda guilt  ( which is about an objectively bad thing )  and the "i left literally everyone to deal with the fallout of this, and i'm pretty sure i would've just made it worse in the state of mind i was in then, but what if i've been making it worse on other people after all and oh my god there's no way to know what would've been right and no matter what i would've done my existence is just not right" type of guilt that goes. a little deeper.  ( because  also  that was her active choice, just like alice. )  and it takes her a little longer to confront that than it does for the other things.

it’s going to take a lot of time and work for her to reintegrate herself and learn how to be around people again  ------ especially since said people have moved on with their lives. she's not a part of that anymore after five years in exile literally not speaking to anybody. and a big part of her coming back is a) accpeting her decisions and b) integrating herself in a sort of community again, if just so they can peacefully coexist without her having a panic attack every time she randomly meets someone on the streets or at the sanctuary. in summary, my interpretation has a long road ahead of her to work through things with most other canon characters.

RELATIONSHIP TO SKULDUGGERY

this also goes for skuldug  -----  and as an  IMPORTANT NOTE:  skul forcing her back into working cases is not part of my canon. it’s just bull, imho, and it goes against both how i interpret val and their dynamic as a whole. she comes back from america because she (thinks she)'s ready. she  decides  to go on cases again, but few and far between, and besides that mostly (really) keeps to herself and won't set foot into roarhaven if she can help it. and  THAT's  were skuldug pressures her ------ the getting back to roarhaven / old friends / acquaintances / the magical community itself; he knows she  needs  to find this connection again, and as i said,  she  knows it too, she just. avoids it at all costs, otherwise. when she’s not ready for  case work,  though, skulduggery couldn’t pull her back into that if he tried. if she learned anything in america it's  independence  and how to make her own decisions, and she's starting to stand firmer on that. before, she always had it somewhere in the back of her mind that she needed to impress skul to some degree, at least subconsciously. this is gone, now. don’t get me wrong, they’re still codependent af for reasons i will get into below, but val did become a lot more independent in her decision making in those five years. she's a lot less succeptible to skuldug's suggestions and she does, sometimes, put his ego in check  ( he's not getting away with ignoring issues anymore. he needs to actively apologize and confront them. death bringer level sneaking back into her good graces doesn't work anymore. )

the thing is. in those five years, val spent  A LOT  of time dissecting their relationship. and she  knows  it's very codependent and unhealthy and not good, but no matter how she turns and twists it,  none of this could've gone any other way.  she spends so much time on constructing alternate realities in her mind, changing details upon details, but they always would've ended up just the same. she always would've ended up on that first case with him, because it was her uncle, and because it was magic. what kid would decide to not go after that? and YES skuldug probably should've been a responsible adult, but then. she was literally the first one who believed him and didn't try to gaslight him about serpine.  ( she also spent a lot of time dissecting skug's personality and history. she never brings it up to him, though. )  so, yeah. he kept her around. the serpine issue is resolved and i think he actually would have made her walk away then, except by then, val has pretty much seen it all. she knows china, tanith and the sanctuary and where to find / how to contact them. and people know HER now. serpine's old goons know her name. she's a dot on the magical radar now and she knows this, and she thinks skuldug knew this and tanith, too, and that's why they agreed to train her. by the time faceless ones rolls around she's in too deep. skuldug was her connection to the magic world and to being a detective, a job she loves. skuldug comes back and he feels like he owes her, he'll always owe her. and when they discover the other's respective Murder Alter Ego, they're screwed, because no one else knows and there's no way anymore they can deal with this alone. they need this one person who loves and who they know will support them anyway. and is this fair to put on a teen? absolutely not. and val  RECOGNIZES  that. but she also knows that darquesse would've found a way, anyway, after the point she was introduced to magic. so from the point her uncle left her the scepter, essentially, she was doomed. 

and to sum up this way too long meta: val is VERY aware of all the ways her relationship to skul is just a little fucked up and she doesn't actively defend HIS choices, but she'll defend her  OWN  choices. because of her own issue about agency, her own choices are what she can really rely on  ( and lay blame upon )  so any conversation about her relationship to skulduggery is always going to be kinda uncomfortable and frustrating with everyone who tries to talk to her about it because. she see their point? but it doesn't change anything. they ended up where they ended up, and besides the fact that it, in her opinion, couldn’t have gone any other way, she also wouldn’t have  wanted  it to. she loves him. not necessarily in a familial or a romantic way, but simply because after everything they’ve been through and everything they  are  and are to each other, there’s just. no way not to. in the context of all of this  ( context most people lack! as they don’t know about the vile issue and barely know anything about the whole darquesse situatione except  evil worldbreaker )  that’s just. the way it is. plain and simple. she'll always stand by him and she knows he’ll always stand by her, no matter what. and that might not be good  ( for them or the world at large )  and it might not be right but that's what her character is like, as i see it.

[darsacarrington]

A Woman Scorned

((Long story, sorry not sorry!))

I’m a light sleeper I’ve been a light sleeper since I was jumped too many times on the street as a teen to sleep easily. The touch is light and I’m ripped from whatever fleeting dream I was having. As my eyes blink away the gaze of fog I see her. Valentine, Colton’s formerly right hand woman and the one I’ve seen have a heart. The questions is, how fucked am I in trying to bring her to my side?

“Thanks the Light,” I said thought my mouth was feeling dry. Sitting up I pulled the glass of water that was near me and take a drink and winced as my mouth suddenly learns how to move again. “Val, Shit, I.. I can’t believe you saw the letter.”

It had been an off chance idea, but she was here. Valentine looked tired, like all her inner demons were putting her to task. From under her hood I could see small tears slide down her childlike face. Her voice broke, giving away a bit of the distress she was feeling. “Bravo… I’m sorry. I was going to leave. Colton told me to leave. I… Your message though.”

She fell into the seat next to me and I drew my own seat closer to hers. I do feel for her. I’m the bastard who has destroyed her world. It was me who killed her brother. I’m the one who lead the team to kill Colton.

“I’m sorry too.” That was true, there was a lot I have to feel guilt over. “Why did Colton let you go? Crawford didn’t take anymore pot shots at you did he?”

Those bastards, both of them. Colton was willing to murder innocent people just to keep a hold of his strength. Crawford was too dumb and violent, he had back handed Valentine once in front of me. I don’t do well when people hurt innocent women. It was the moment I had tipped my hand to the older worgen.

"No. After I got back, I was only able to stop Colton from pulling Cody from the Void. Then they locked themselves away. When I finally got to talk to Colton, he..."

Val shuddered, like she was trying to cry. There is a point in sorrow where you don’t have more tears to shed but you need to cry. I’ve been there, and it sucks being on both ends.

"Colton told me he was going to die. Both him and Crawford. He told me to take some things and to leave. He told me to cease to exist. But...your letter stopped me. I am failing him by being here. I should go...but...I couldn't leave you without knowing what happened."

Colton did know he was going to die then… That fucking- okay, he was a barstard, but he can’t come back from the dead. Alice made sure his body and soul will never be reunited again. But Val has just done something that gives me hope. She’s not utterly blind in following Colton. She has some of her own mind.

I do feel like a fucking monster. She has complete trust in Bravo, and I feel wrong in what I have to do. After talking to others I knew I needed to do a face to face confession. That yes, I’m taking a risk at being exposed, I’m risking she might void out on me and suddenly I’m facing a pissed off void user. But I need to make this right. And there’s only one way to do this.

“You’re safe… No one is going to hurt you.” I won’t hurt her, not until she tries to hurt me. It’s just my rule and I’m sticking to it. I cast my eyes around the room and I know I need to tell her this somewhere quiet. “We should go somewhere quiet. You look tired and I want to fill you in on what I’ve been up to.”

I offer her and hug and she quickly clings to me. Valentine is an impossibly small woman, smaller than Mal, smaller than Kat. She curls in and I hold her trying to give her the support I know she needs, even if I’m going to be the one to take it away.

Finally she agreed and I get us both up and make our way out of the room. I have a place in the Drwarven District. It was my personal hell years ago and I bought out the rental agreement as soon as I had steady cash. It’s not lavish or anything utterly fancy. In fact, it’s pretty bare minus some chairs, a bed and a small kitchen I kept stocked in case there’s an emergency.

Valentine has no idea what’s about to be sprung on her, and I feel like shit about it. But she made her way in, dropping her bag at the door. “I don’t know if I’ll stay.”

She walked over to a near by chair and sat heavily upon it. “I… I am hurting him. Even if he is dead, if he can see me, he knows I’m sealing his fate.” Her hands moved to take off her hood. In this light she looked so much like a child. I know she’s a full grown woman, but her voice and face make it complicated.”

I put a kettle on as she spoke, but before I sat down I asked if she wanted anything to eat. The poor woman was so nervous and anxious that she couldn’t keep anything down. She was taking this selfish act, a wish to meet a man she felt she was in love with. That she was suppose to only have a drink and talk then be on her way to do whatever Colton had bided of her. But she hasn’t done anything yet. She is on a place where her path could diverge and we can bring her back.

Sitting down across from her I reach out. I have done a lot of seeding into our old conversations. Her anger at nobles, is justified, most of them were right monsters to her. I have done my sin, I killed her brother in anger. Now I need to ask for forgiveness and make steps to be a better man.

"You remember what I said, about my head and how one day I was going to let you see it all?” I said keeping my voice quiet as I reach out to her. “I need you to do that. After, you can be angry with me, choose to walk out and... do whatever you want. But if you stay after, I'll do what I can to help. To make shit right. Okay?"

This was something she would have been greedy for. Or she would have been when she was less tired. Still I noticed the moment she understood my tone and nodded. Energy was filling her from the prospect of being closer to me. I am so sorry Val, this is not going to go the way you think.

Her hand takes mind and this time she is gentle with the touch of our minds. I can sense it and start to make a tunnel for her to go through. She’s learned since the last time she read my mind. Her want to poke and press and rip were gone as she let me lead her.

I had to start at the beginning. Everything I am starts with my Ma. She did what she could and I gave demonstrations of my past. The shit I went through that made me hate nobles. I wanted her to know I was just like her.

It worked at first. Her mind opened and I was able to see horrible moments from her childhood. Being whipped and the nobles they served asked for harsher punishments for the children. Their mother was taken advantage of when her husband died by the Lord. This is the shit I hate and is the stuff I want to fight. Val and I are on the same team, we just have different methods about doing this.

Once sympathy was there I had to explain, I had to bring up Loch. She was another corner stone of who I am now. It hurt to show her in my mind. Knowing that the pure moments I had with her were gone. But I had to bring them up, to give the juxtaposition of what Val went through and what was possible.

But I couldn’t pause. I knew if I didn’t explain who I was now, after showing her I’m not like the others who hurt her, I would get cold feet and she would figure it out on her own.

“The woman who left me at the monastery.” I said adding images as I could, memories that were dear to my heart to add to the depth of what I feel. “Her name was Lady Trea Stone. She pointed to who my Da was, and, I took his name. My Last name was Noman. But the monks named me Darsa. I took my Da’s name cause I wouldn’t allow my Ma’s family to have another note in the history book after their treatment of my Ma.”

The confession… It came to her in waves. First she wasn’t able to follow what I was trying to mention. Then mentioning Ma she started to get worried. It was when I said my real name that she broke out connection and fell out of her chair. I’ve never seen anyone look at me with so much horror. Normally people think of me as a second rate nobody. Doesn’t help the main connections I have are Teren and the Blood King.

Val was shaking with her head hung low. "No...." she whimpered. "No...you can't be him. You can't be....please, now."

He head snapped up to look at me with those bright frightened eyes. "This was a trap? You....but I thought....this just can't...."

I’m a monster. I really am. I sit down beside her, not enough to be in touching distance, but enough to put us on the same level. “I’m sorry Val. I am… I did my own fuck ups. I had a lot of anger and, I made a vow I wouldn’t hurt you unless you chose to hurt me.”

I tried to reach out to that place I felt was still there. There was a broken woman who needed someone who she could lean on. I needed to reach for her so she could come back from whatever mission Colton had her on. If I can save her, I can maybe forgive myself.

As I tried to alive her fear of me, I tried to tell her I wasn’t going to kill her. That I wanted to help her. Maybe mentioning how I would kill her former nobles was not the best play I could have made, and as soon as I had said it I saw her eyes flash. That place I knew was there, she suddenly sealed it up from my reach. The anger she had for the real me rushed forward as she picked herself up from the ground so she could stand taller than me.

“Seems to me Lord Carrington death is all you actually offer! You have left a trail of bodies in your wake and for what?! To make this world a better place? One shaped in the image of your sense of 'justice?! How the fuck! Does that make you and different than the other nobles? You sit in your broken castle in the north and protect those people who will bend a knee to you and meddle then in the affairs far out of your earldom? You find a project in a pathetic, selfish farm girl and hang on her every hick word? Then you destroy our one chance....ONE FUCKING CHANCE to reset the board."

She’s a small pillar of rage and turmoil. So much of what she said isn’t true. It’s shit Colton told her. He brainwashed people, made them utterly believe in what he said. "Is that your side? Or did I miss something?"

“Colton was going mad. My void priest listened and he could tell the entity was not going to give you what it promised. This is the guy who waltzed in and out of the void under fire. What Colton was doing wasn’t going to stop shit, it was going to get more people killed.” I said looking up at her.

Slowly I held my hands up so she knew I wasn’t attacking her, I just wanted to stand up. “There are three people I personally signed off on the kill orders for. There’s only one I regret. I have fucked up, I have hurt you, please, please let me show it to you?”

Never take for granted a woman scorned. That’s what this is. My words seem to have no effect on her anger as she just looked at me as if she was disgusted. She has every right to be. “Hurt me? You destroyed my world,” She whispered this, her anger the cold type that I know I should be afraid of. Her arms suddenly that serpent like void tendrils coming off of her as she continued. “You have taken everything from me. I am going to do the same to you.”

She’s watching my reaction though. I can see it with the flicking of her eyes. She wants me to attack, to make the first move. I’m not. On my person I have an anti magic smoke bomb and a dagger, but I’m not going for either of them right now. There is still one more weapon I have that I am a pretty good master at. My words.

“Val.” I say it firmly, not backing down from the void she was summoning. Once I saw Teren pulling a Sha out of his ass I lost all the fucks I have to give to people doing creepy shit. “Take a breath. Please. I want to help you. To give you a second chance if you will give me a second chance?”

That’s what I do, I give people second chances. It’s what I was given, and now I want to offer it to her.

She disappeared in a moment and I was about to go on the defensive when she appeared behind me beside her bag and the door. She wasn’t going to attack me, she didn’t actually want to kill me or she would have. She wanted a reason.

"Why? Why shouldn't I put an end to you here and now? Why shouldn't I avenge my brother? Or my mentor? Isn't that what you would do if someone killed one of your people? Wouldn't you kill the murderer?"

Wanting reason to stay her hand, that… is a good sign. Even with all her anger she doesn’t want to kill me. If she did, she would do so right now. I look defenseless. She has all her magic. She might not be able to touch my mind, but she can hurt me physically.

“I won’t apologize for Crawford or Colton.” I said fully turning to her. “They were dangerous and were playing with stuff they didn’t understand. My family, my dad’s side, we fight stuff like that by being part of it. It’s my job... but I wanted to keep you safe.”

If it’s the last thing I do I will regret this next part. “You can hate me about your brother’s fate... I, have bad rage issues and by the time my head was clear he was gone. We could have saved him, and that, that” I leaned into the word to drive the point home. “Is what I pray for forgiveness for. I made a call I shouldn’t have. And I am more than sure you will never forgive me for it. But that is why you should keep me alive. Let me prove myself, don’t do what I did. Don’t lash out in rage and anger. Make me prove I am a better man.”

She was picking her bad up, her anger still twitching on her face. “Fine, fine prove it. Prove to me, right now, you are a better man. Prove it and I won't leave. Fail, and I will give you until the end of the year to say goodbye to everyone you love. At least that way, I will always be better than you."

I can hear the kettle boiling over on the stove and I winced. “I was going to make you coffee because you’re tired… I care about people, I do. If you stay I’ll spend how ever long it needs to be to earn your respect. Only you can give me forgiveness.”

Here’s the thing. I am not a proud man. My ego has been destroyed over and over again in my life. When I feel like I have done something wrong, I own it. Like right now, I own hurting her. I won’t feel sorry about stopping the gang. But killing her brother, yes, I need to fight for forgiveness for that.

I carefully go to my knees and look up at her. “These are the steps I have taken for you. I am doing more outside of this but these are the steps I am taking to hopefully show I am trying.”

Something I say or did turns something in her mind. Her anger was brilliant until I had knelt down. I can’t read her expression, it was shock, but I’m not sure what kind. Did this actually work? Was she going to walk away from the path Colton put her on. Right now I am fighting for her soul. If I can get her to walk away form her old path, we can save her. She could become a functioning member of society. She deserves that, that and she deserves to never be looked down upon.

Her words are shaking as she says them. Was she scared of what I said and did? No one else has ever shown humility around her, I can attest for that. "I...don't know what you are..." She murmured. "I don't know why you are doing this. But...I shouldn't be here. I shouldn't be listening to you. I ... can't forgive you. You....took everything. Make your peace, Darsa. Before the end of the year, I will be back."

I keep my word. I always do. Val was allowed to go, and I’ll be watching my back for a knife in the shadows. But… No, I saw something in her eyes. She had doubt, and doubt is a crack you can take a hammer to and crack open the brainwashing she had been under. I don’t stop her from going, but before she closes the door I spoke.

“If you can tolerate me, my door stays open. It will stay open for a long time!” I had to shout the last part, but I didn’t dare get up from my knees. I heard her rushed footsteps down the stairs and suddenly, I’m alone.

There were a million ways I thought this would go. But no matter what, tonight there is an angry woman who’s heart is one I broke.

((Mentions: @kat-lockhart ((For Valentine)), @teren-k (For being the man to break Darsa of ‘shit the void is weird’) ))