#I mean I was specifically browsing for stuff for the study/library/tiny room thing but that's still too much to pay for an obscure tribute

[the-busy-ghost]

Has Tom Travers discovered the internet 👀

[neonlights92]

Oh My!

Welcome to Bangtan University.  They say your twenties is when you really find yourself.  And these kids are only just getting started….

Yoongi has spent a long time perfecting his music. He’s determined to be the best, no matter what it takes. Serious and brooding, most people at Bangtan University are kind of intimidated by him. But not you. You aren’t afraid of his sharp tongue or his narrow gaze. And you’ve made it your own personal mission to crack the impenetrable ice around his heart, no matter the cost.

A/N: Hey guys I’m back from a ridiculously long hiatus... Lots of stuff has happened.  But I’m hoping you guys enjoy the first installment in my Bangtan University universe.  Yoongi’s story! Jin will be next :) Please let me know what you think!

Warnings : Language and light smut

Genre: College Au.. roommates/friends to lovers au.  Fluffy and some angst... be prepared!

SEPTEMBER 

You meet Min Yoongi, your brand new roommate, on the very first day of your sophomore year at Bangtan University. 

He’s stunningly gorgeous (of course) and you’ve heard the rumours about him and his friends (they are, as your best friend Jisoo insists, seven of the most attractive men on campus) but you’ve never had the pleasure of a conversation with him.

He studies music tech (a quick browse of his instagram had confirmed that) and he’s incredibly good-looking.

That’s about all you know about him at this point.

“I’m Yoongi.” He tells you as he sweeps through the front door of your shitty two bedroom apartment, “You’re Y/N, right?” You have to admit, you’ve never been very good with words.  Or with boys.

So you clear your throat decidedly unattractively and nod quickly, “Yeah that’s me.  Yep.  Y/N.” “It’s nice to meet you, Y/N.” 

You’ve heard stories of his coldness.  Of the impenetrable ice that surrounds Min Yoongi.

And yet standing here, in the middle of your shared living room, with a box of things that has the words Yoongi’s Stuff scribbled crudely across the front, you have to say he’s not all that scary.

“Nice to meet you too.”

He sends you a quick smile and then disappears into his bedroom after that, and you find your heart still beating a mile a minute when you settle in for bed that evening.

Jesus. 

One smile from an attractive boy and you’re reduced to this? Pathetic.

But the worst is still yet to come.

//

OCTOBER

“Min Yoongi!” The handsome boy with the impenetrable gaze groans when he hears you calling his name.

“Fuck.  What is it now, Y/N?”

It has been just over a  month of sharing the same apartment.  A month of bathroom schedules, and slamming the seat down passive aggressively whenever he forgets to put it back.

A whole month of finding yourself more and more attracted to the most intimidating man you’ve ever met.

And yet…

“How many times have I told you,” You hold up the pair of boxer briefs he has so kindly forgotten to place in the laundry basket, “Not to leave your dirty clothes lying around.  Especially not your underwear.” You’d blushed when you first spotted the pair of briefs after the shortest shower known to mankind.  That underwear had been wrapped snugly around his toned waist.  Oh how you wished you could catch more than just a glimpse of the milky white skin that hid just under his black t-shirts.

“Not to mention, I didn’t have time to wash the conditioner out of my hair because the water ran cold halfway through my shower!” You shake your head angrily, “I thought we agreed no longer than five minutes in there.” Yoongi quirks a dark brow at you.  As usual, he seems unperturbed by your reaction to his behaviour, and leans back in his desk chair.  His headphones, so chunky and a little awkward looking, are wrapped around his neck.

“Y/N.  I’m working on my final project.  I’m a senior, in case you forgot.  This is kind of important.”  As if to emphasize his point, he gestures towards the midi-keyboard and laptop he was working on just before you stormed in on him.

“I don’t care.” Suddenly you are painfully aware of the fact that you are in a fucking towel.  You’re dripping wet, and you’re stood in the middle of Min Yoongi’s room, with nothing but a raggedy towel to stop him from seeing you naked.

“Maybe we should have this conversation when you’ve got some clothes on.” The coolness in his tone bothers you.

Yoongi never seems bothered by anything you do, and all this does is fluster you further.  You scoff.

“I will put clothes on whenever I damn well please.” You have to physically stop yourself from cringing at your words.  Why would you say something so fucking stupid?

“As you wish.”

He slips his headphones back on, and turns back to his computer, without so much as an apology.  You groan.

You’re angry at him, of course, for his blaise behaviour.

But you’re angry at yourself, too, for the way you feel about him.

Min Yoongi is the most complicated man you’ve ever met.  He’s so handsome, and you’ve heard multiple girls on campus talk about all the naughty things they’d want him to do to them.

But Yoongi is basically unattainable.

He’s been at this university for more than two years now, and hasn’t dated a single girl since then (according to the information Jisoo had gathered) and that wasn’t going to change just because you walked into his life.

You are aware of this.  Have been aware of this since you met him a month ago.

Yoongi is impenetrable.  He has walls protecting his walls.

You’ve seen moments of tenderness from him.  Specifically when it comes to his mother, who he calls every night before bed.

And you know he cares, in his own special way.  But he’s cold.  And he’s standoffish.

Yet you’re determined.

“Fuck you Yoongi,” You reply, with not much anger in your voice.  You whip away from him and move into your bedroom, slamming the door shut, and leaning against its surface.

As always, he leaves you with a fluttering pulse, and a need to kiss him.

You bite back this urge, and take a deep breath, trying to calm your erratic heartbeat. 

You almost hate the power he has over you. 

Almost.  But not quite.

//

NOVEMBER

The first time you witness true vulnerability from Min Yoongi, it absolutely takes your breath away.

It’s been a few weeks since the shower incident, and like with most disagreements between the two of you, it has been long forgotten.  

After a particularly long afternoon in the library studying for an exam at the end of the week you’re almost certain you’re going to fail, you roll into your living room to find Yoongi, sat on the sofa, with a tiny little ball of fur clasped between his hands.

He looks up at you as the door clicks closed, and his mouth quirks up slightly on one side.

“Don’t get mad.” Your eyes zero in on the little kitten dozing on his knees.

“Is that a cat?” You ask the question, even though you already know the answer.

Yoongi winces, as though he knows you’re going to get mad at him, and nods, “Yeah.  I uh I found her in the gutters outside university.  I think her mum abandoned her.  She’s look like the runt of the litter.”

You stare at him, sat in the soft glow of the television, his hair pushed back and his legs folded beneath him, his long fingers sifting through the white fur of the little kitten sat so carefully between his legs. 

You wait a long moment, soaking everything in.

“What her name?”

He seems to release a breath of tension he wasn’t even aware he’d been holding.

“Peaches.”

You come to sit beside him, your heart filling with affection for the boy sat beside you, and the kitten in his arms.

“Peaches,” You laugh slightly, “That’s a sweet name.  We’re going to have to keep her a secret from the landlord.  You know we’re not allowed pets.”

The sides of Yoongi’s eyes crinkle as he smiles, “I can keep her?” “Sure.  She’s adorable.  I could never kick something so sweet out onto the street to fend for herself.” 

You can’t help the way your heart swells at the earnest look in his eyes, “We should get her a litter box and a bed to sleep in.  And maybe some food and water bowls?”

Yoongi smiles at you carefully, “Yeah.  Thanks Y/N.” “You’ve got nothing to thank me for.”  You tell him, moving your eyes away from him, scared he’ll be able to easily read the desperation you have for him.

That evening you make him some pasta, and the two of you bond over your love of animals.  Yoongi tells you about his first pet; a rabbit called Spike, and you listen intently as the boy with all his walls up lets you in just that tiny bit more.

Maybe all hope is not lost.

//

DECEMBER

It’s two weeks before Christmas break when you spot the little winter market a few streets down from your apartment.  When you arrive home from university later on that day and shrug off your jacket, Yoongi is sat in the kitchen, baking the double chocolate fudge brownies you made him for his birthday last month.

“There’s a market in town.  Just on Borough street.”

Yoongi looks up at you and you have to giggle at the fact he has chocolate smudged across his forehead. 

He rolls his eyes, “I’ve got food on my face, right?” You nod and come towards him, using the back of your finger to swipe away the remnants.  Your heart speeds up at the warmth of his skin, and you have to remind yourself that this domesticity is strictly platonic.

“Did you want to uh - go.  To the market, I mean.”

Yoongi is still staring at you, and you feel your cheeks flush, “We don’t have to I just thought it might be something fun to do.  You could invite your friends too.” “No that sounds great.”  He nods and turns back to the task at hand, “They’ve got a ferris wheel, right?” “Of course they do.  Haven’t you seen it?  Jeez, you never leave the apartment.”

“Don’t judge me,” He throws over his shoulder, just as Peaches climbs up onto the counter and moves towards him.

“She’s spoilt you know,” You gesture at the kitten, “You let her get away with murder.” He turns his head and smiles warmly, “Could you say no to this face?” You laugh at the way she leans into his hand, and he lets her lick some of the dark chocolate off the spoon he’s using to mix the ingredients.

The sight is enough to melt your heart into a puddle of stupidity.

You hate yourself for it, but you care about him so much, and you can’t help it.

“So seeing as you’re sorting out the dessert, shall I order some take out?” You say it as quickly as you can to try and distract yourself from the way Yoongi is cuddling with Peaches.

He smiles, “That sounds great  Golden Dragon?” “Golden dragon.”

God. 

You really like this stupid man. 

--

“That ferris wheel is huge.” 

You laugh as Jisoo stares at the lights, eyes widened in awe. 

The Christmas market is just as pretty as you expected, and Jisoo seems to be enjoying herself as well.

Yoongi passes you a cup of hot apple cider, and you smile, “Thanks.” 

The snow from yesterday morning is only just starting to melt so the hot drink warms your belly and cheeks in a way that makes you sigh contentedly.

“Do you want to ride it?” Jungkook - the youngest of Yoongi’s friends - cocks his head towards the ferris wheel, and Jisoo smiles widely.

“Oh my god yes.  Let’s do it.” 

“Awesome.  C’mon!” 

The two of them scurry off, and you feel something warm prickle in the pit of your stomach.  When you’d mentioned this outing to Jisoo, she’d jumped at the opportunity, excited at the prospect of hanging out with other people.

You know that she probably secretly wishes the two of you had other friends, but the truth is you never really needed anyone but her.  Jisoo has been your best friend since childhood, and when you both decided to go to the same university, you felt like it had been fate. 

“This was a great idea, Y/N,” Namjoon pipes up, stuffing his gloved hands in the pockets of his jeans, “Even if it is sub zero temperature.” 

You like Namjoon.  He’s smart and funny, and his eyes are the colour of warm chocolate brown.  He’s a gifted songwriter and producer too, as Yoongi has told you on many an occasion.  “Oh stop complaining,” Jimin elbows his friend good-naturedly.  The first time you met Jimin you remember thinking how absolutely stunning he was.  His smile is brighter than the sun, and you are pretty certain he’d broken more than a few hearts in his time. 

But Yoongi told you that Jimin didn’t date.  It is a cardinal rule for him; unbreakable.  You assume there’s more to the story than you’re being told, but don’t want to pry. 

“I’ve told you guys a million times, we should just spend winter break in my parents' beach house in Australia,” Jin rolls his eyes at Namjoon’s complaining, “It’s summer over there at the moment.” 

“When I win the lottery, then we’ll go.  Until then, I’m afraid we’ve got to suffer through the cold,” Taehyung pulls a face at Jin’s suggestion before snapping a candid photograph of his friends. 

Jin - ever over dramatic - immediately starts complaining about needing a little more warning than the flash of Taehyung’s camera, as Jimin grabs Namjoon and wanders off to try and find some cotton candy.

Hoseok - the brightest of Yoongi’s friends - rolls his eyes at you, and shoves Jin on the shoulder playfully, “C’mon, I want to go try out the shooting games.”

“Alright but tell Jin to stop being a baby every time I take his picture,” Taehyung teases, and you stifle a laugh at the almost macabre way in which Jin gasps at his friend’s comment.

“Are you insinuating that I am immature?” He clicks his tongue, “Yah! That’s rich coming from you Taehyung, you don’t even know how to iron your own clothes!”

Hoseok pushes his friends further down the street, towards the games and vendors, as Taehyung snaps yet another photo of Jin complaining.

This time you laugh out loud and Yoongi joins you.

The truth is, you like Yoongi’s friends.  You feel at home when you’re with them, and it’s just another example of how you fit perfectly in Yoongi’s life. 

“God Jin is actually the most annoying creature on the planet,” Yoongi rolls his eyes, but there’s no malice to it, “And Taehyung knows how to push every one of his buttons.” You giggle, “They’re funny together.  I really do like your friends.”

“Yeah.  Me too.”

You realise the two of you are alone, and something in your gut tells you they did this on purpose.

“Do you want to ride anything?” 

Your mouth goes dry at the suggestion.  

“Uh… Sure.  You said you like ferris wheels, right?” You turn towards the huge moving wheel, “Besides, you can see the whole city from the top.  I reckon that would be pretty.” 

“Sure.  Let’s go.”  

You follow him towards the ride, and feel your heart thumping distractedly in your chest.  There really is something about this boy that makes you feel almost juvenile.  Every single thing he does seems to affect you in ways that you would normally be embarrassed of, and yet you can’t bring yourself to care. 

“When I was a kid, there used to be this carnival that would come to our city for a couple of weeks at the end of every summer,” He tells you, as the two of you join the back of the line of people waiting for their turn, “And my mom used to take me whenever it came to town.  She hated all the bigger rides, but she loved the ferris wheel.”

You smile at the memory, feeling special that Yoongi would choose to share something so personal with you.

“You love her a lot, right?  Your mom, I mean?”

He nods, pulling on the beanie covering his hair, “She’s my best friend.  I’ve always been quiet and reserved - never with her though.  I don’t know what I would do without her.”

“It’s adorable,” You bite your bottom lip and laugh a little when he gives you a look, “I mean it.  Not a lot of guys your age would admit to being a mama’s boy.  I like that you do.” 

“I mean it’s not exactly information I go spreading around,” You reach the front of the queue, and buy your tickets, “So keep it to yourself, alright?  I need to keep up appearances.” 

You smile at the teasing lilt to his voice and clear your throat.

“Oh I don’t know… I reckon your many admirers would love to know about your big, soft heart.”  

You slide into one of the cars, and feel your fingertips tingle and Yoongi takes a seat beside you, the attendant locking the door and instructing you not to open it under any circumstances. 

“My admirers?” He scoffs as the attendant moves to the next car, “Don’t be stupid.”

Your eyes widen, “I’m not.  You’ve got to be kidding me, Yoongi.  Surely you are aware that girls follow you around like lost puppies?”

He shakes his head and licks his bottom lip, “Yeah because they think I’m some mysterious bad boy.  They don’t know me.  It’s bullshit.”

“Aha but you do admit you have admirers!” You insist, nudging him in the shoulder playfully, “It’s nothing to be ashamed of.  All of you guys are popular.” 

“I’m not ashamed,” He grumbles, as the ferris wheel starts to move towards the darkening sky, “It’s just boring.  I don’t really care for it.”

There is a long beat of silence as the ferris wheels moves to it’s highest point, and you gasp slightly when your eyes scan the horizon in front of you.  It’s beautiful.  Lights twinkling, and trees reaching up into the sky.  You can see the humans moving around like little ants - all involved in their own little stories.  

“The view is beautiful,” You whisper, pressing your face against the cage of the window to try and breathe in the crisp air, “I knew it would be worth it.” When you turn to Yoongi to assess his reaction, your surprised to see he’s not looking at the view, but at you. 

His eyes are dark and intense, and for a moment you wonder if he might kiss you.  It’s a stupid thought, of course, but his gaze flickers to your lips and in a moment of weakness you hope for something you know you can never have. 

“Yeah.  Beautiful.” 

The words are quiet and you feel his warm breath on your cheeks. 

It feels like this moment is suspended between the two of you.  Like any sudden movement might crack this spell you’re under.  Your heart is thundering in your chest, and you feel like you might pass out. 

After what feels like an eternity, the ferris wheel starts to move again, and Yoongi’s eyes whip away from your own.  You feel like you can breath again as you turn your face towards the window, wondering what in the hell just happened. 

The rest of the evening is spent laughing and eating, but you never quite calm down the frantic movement of your heart.  Because somewhere, in the pit of your stomach, a seed of hope has started to grow.

And perhaps that’s the moment everything becomes dangerous.

//

JANUARY

The weeks of Christmas break are spent missing Yoongi.

He texts you on Christmas morning to wish you happy holidays, and you spend the whole day warm from his greetings.

You wonder if something’s shifted in him - if maybe he’s starting to see you the way you so desperately want him to see you - so when you get back from the holidays and he introduces you to his new girlfriend, it stings like a bitch.

Her name is Yeri, and she’s absolutely stunning (though a little dense, if he asks you.  Which he doesn’t) but she’s nice and you have to force yourself to be polite to her despite the fact your heart feels like it’s cracked right down the middle.

It’s on a Saturday night when the two of you have consumed an entire Golden Dragon takeout and two bottles of wine, that the question slips out of you without your consent.

“You don’t actually like Yeri, do you?” Yoongi cocks an eyebrow at your question, “Excuse me?” “Well.”  You can feel the comforting buzz of alcohol blanketing your decision making, “She’s not exactly your type.” “And what is my type, pray tell?” “Someone with an IQ above that of a peanut.” The comment is harsh and you feel guilty (it isn’t Yeri’s fault that you like a man who will never like you back) but Yoongi scoffs a laugh regardless.

“She’s a bit of fun I suppose.” “I mean isn’t that kind of shitty?  What if she really likes you?  She’s your girlfriend.” He shrugs, “She’s not really my girlfriend.” “That’s what you introduced her as.” “Because it’s easier than introducing her as the girl I occasionally sleep with,” He shakes his head, “Why do you care, anyway?” “I don’t.”  You feel the ugly crawl of defense up the length of your spine, “I’m just curious.  We’ve been living together for a while now and you don’t date.  And then you come back from Christmas break, and you have a girlfriend.  I was interested, forgive me.”

Yoongi’s dark eyes glitter with something you can’t quite place, “I told you.  I’m too busy to date.” You feel like there might be a double edged sword to his words.  Like he’s trying to tell you something about the way you might wish things were between you.

“Yeah.  I know.” “Do you know what they call me at uni?” Peaches has jumped onto his lap and he plays with the fur on her head, “The Vortex.” You pretend not to have heard of the nickname.  But of course, you have.

Try as he might to fade into the background, Yoongi and his friends are well known around Bangtan.  And Yoongi is known for his apparently cold demeanor.

“Who cares?  Half the people at this college are fucking stupid.  You’re just complicated.  I like that about you,” You grab a prawn cracker and at the sound of the crunch, Peaches’s right ear sticks up.

“Traitor.”  Yoongi mutters as the kitten makes her way towards you. Then he looks up and smiles, “Thanks for that Y/N.” The comment takes you by surprise.  You feel like your heart might burst.

“It’s alright,” You try to shrug casually, “I’m only telling the truth.” As Peaches crawls onto your outstretched legs, Yoongi clicks his tongue.

“Anyway.  I ended things with Yeri.  Or well, I guess she ended things with me.  Things between her and that Baekhyun guy from her chem class were getting serious, it seems.  So I’m a free agent again.” He lets that whole thing out in one single breath, as if he’s been waiting for the right moment to say it.  You try not to let what he’s just said affect your current facial position.

“Probably for the best.” He smiles again, and you can’t help but think that you want to marry that smile.

“Yeah.  Definitely for the best.”

It is in that moment that you realise, with startling clarity, that you may very well be in love with this boy.

SHIT.

FEBRUARY

Valentine’s day has always been painful for you.

Growing up shy and relatively plain-looking, you were never really celebrated by members of the opposite sex.  And instead, were forced by Jisoo to attend parties, despite the fact you’d never received even a single Valentine’s card in your entire life.

You decide to spend the day curled up in bed (thank God it’s a Saturday) eating away at a stupidly expensive box of truffles you’d bought yourself on a (self-piteous) whim.

Peaches has decided to set up camp on the fluffy white pillow next to your head, and you’re not sure where her body ends and the material of the pillow begins.

You’re halfway through Pretty Woman when there’s a knock at your bedroom door.

“Come in,” You croak, expecting Jisoo (who’d promised that morning to come and visit you on your least favourite day of the year) and instead watching as the door opens to reveal a disheveled Yoongi.

He stands before you, warm and smiling, and you feel your heart throb uncomfortable in your chest.

“What are you doing, Y/N?” There’s a laugh in his voice, and you’d hate him for it if he didn’t look so good smiling.

 “I hate Valentine’s day,” You deadpan, not even caring that you probably look a mess, “As you can tell.  I guess I’m feeling sorry for myself.”

“This is pathetic.” He tells you and you huff angrily.

“I know.” He moves towards you and sits on the edge of your bed.  Peaches lifts her head and perks up at the sight of Yoongi.  

“She prefers you to me.” You grumble, “Even animals don’t like me.”

Yoongi chuckles, “Stop it.  What’s gotten into you?”

“I’m feeling self-deprecating.  Get out whilst you can Yoongi, you won’t enjoy my company today.”

He cocks his head to the side, “Why do you hate Valentine’s day so much?  It’s not that bad.” You’re surprised.  

Considering the apathy Yoongi seems to constantly cloak himself in when it comes to romance, you would assume he hates Valentine’s day almost as much as you do.

“Are you serious?” He raises a brow, “What?” “It’s not that bad?” You groan loudly, “It’s disgusting.  Happy couples parading their love around for all of us single people to feel terrible about ourselves?  And don’t forget the bigger the bouquet the more your boyfriend loves you, apparently.  Bleh.  Consumerism at its finest.”

“So you’re telling me you’ve never celebrated the holiday?” He’s got you there.  Yoongi smiles, seemingly pleased with your reaction.

“You only hate it because you’re single then,” He laughs, “Doesn’t count.”

You want to be angry at him, but the truth is he’s probably right.  You don’t think on his words too long.

“Leave me alone,” You grumble, pulling your duvet cover over your head.

“Hey c’mon.” You can still hear the laugh in his voice, “Would it help if I showed you one of my songs?”

A beat of silence.  You shoot up from underneath the covers, watching Yoongi carefully.

The two of you have lived together for nearly six months now, and though he’s always working on something new, he’s never actually offered to show you anything before.  Despite yourself (and the fact that you’re very aware that this is in no way a gesture of romance, no matter how badly you wish it was) you nod vigorously.

“Yes!  I would love to hear one of your songs.” Yoongi’s eyes move into crescent moons as he smiles wider, and you wonder how your heart can take all of this abuse. 

“Come on then,” He grabs you by the wrist and pulls you out of bed, “This way.”

You follow Yoongi into his bedroom, heart thudding in your ears as he sits you down at his desk. 

“Here,” He grabs the huge, bulky headphones that you always make fun of him for wearing, and places them on your head, “Listen to this.” 

In a moment, your transported to a beach somewhere in the south of Spain, as Yoongi’s music feels your ears and warms your heart.  There is something almost magical to the way the beats develop into a melody that seems to niggle all the way down to the pit of your stomach.

You’re aware you’re probably over-reacting, but you don’t care. 

Min Yoongi is letting you listen to something he’s created, and that warms your heart beyond compare.  When the song is over, and you take the headphones off, you turn to face him and Yoongi is smiling softly at you.

“So,” He says after a moment, “What did you think?” “That was amazing.  Truly.  Shit, Yoongi, no wonder you spend all your time working on music.  You’re fucking talented.” You’ve never seen him blush before, so when the crimson red appears on his cheeks, your blindsided.  It’s moments like these that cause you to fall even harder for the boy in front of you; the boy you’re so very aware you can probably never have. 

“Does that mean you’re not as grumpy, anymore?” His voice has a teasing edge to it, and despite yourself, you laugh. 

“I mean, what kind of psychopath enjoys being single on Valentine’s day?  Can you blame me?” 

Yoongi’s eyes are warm as he shakes his head, “It’s a stupid holiday.  People who celebrate it are dumb, sure.  But I guess…” 

You quirk your head to the side, “What?”

He bites his lip and tugs a hand through his freshly dyed hair.  It’s jet black, your favourite colour on him. 

“I guess it’s kind of nice that there’s a day where we celebrate love,” He shrugs, “I don’t know.”

Something in your chest tightens.  

“Yeah.” You nod after a beat, “I guess you’re right.” 

There is something deep and intense in Yoongi’s eyes, and you wish with all your might that you could just reach inside and pull all of his feelings out.  That he wouldn’t hold his cards so close to his chest, all the freaking time. 

“Besides,” He adds after a moment, “It’s my mom’s favourite holiday.  So I’ve got a soft spot for it.”  

Your heart trips over at the sincerity in his voice.  Yoongi rarely ever talks about his mother, but you know how much he loves her.  You smile.

“That’s sweet.” 

Once again, the breath is knocked out of your chest, as you realise the gravity of your feelings for this man. 

And things are only about to get a lot more complicated.

//

MARCH

The week before your birthday, Jisoo announces that the two of you are going clubbing.

You tell her you don’t want to go, of course, but she doesn’t take no for an answer.  Instead, she forces you to agree, and asks for Yoongi and all of his friend's numbers, so she can organise a VIP table. 

“It’s your twenty-first,” She tells you solemnly, “We’re going clubbing.”

You can’t really tell her no, and despite the knowledge that you don’t enjoy drinking or clubbing, she insists, and there’s not much you can do to stop it.  Yoongi and all of his friends have agreed on coming, and on the evening of the ‘special night’ you find yourself letting Jisoo squeeze you into one of her ridiculously short dresses. 

“You look hot.  Maybe you’ll get some action tonight,” She tells you when the two of you slide into the back of the cab. 

You don’t reply, rolling your eyes. 

The truth is, despite how uncomfortable you may feel, you want Yoongi to find you attractive in this dress.  Perhaps that’s the whole reason you agreed to wear it in the first place, and maybe you should be embarrassed of that.

You try not to think about it too much, as you arrive at the club, fully expecting to be the first ones there, and instead being greeted by seven men in chinos and loafers.  

“Y/N!” Taehyung already seems to be drunk as he pulls you towards you VIP table and offers you a beer, “Happy birthday!” 

“Happy birthday to you… Happy birthday to you…” Hoseok hiccups his way through the first verse of the birthday song, and then waves his hand as if to push it away, “Forget it.  Happy fucking birthday Y/N!!” 

Jimin smirks, as he passes you a shot of soju and you wordlessly knock it back, “Impressive.”  

As always, your heart flutters when you make eye contact with Yoongi.  His face is an impassive mask, and you wish for once, he would just tell you what he thought.

You bite your bottom lip, “Hi.” “Hey,” He smiles gently, “Happy birthday.”  After a moment he nods, “Nice dress.” “Oh,” You flush despite yourself, “Uh… Thanks.  It’s Jisoo’s actually.  She made me wear it.” 

I wore it for you, you add silently, though you don’t have the courage to say it out loud. 

Yoongi chuckles, “It’s nice.”

“Nice is not the word I would use to describe that dress,” Taehyung slings an arm around Yoongi’s shoulder and winks at you, “Y/N looks hot and spicey.”

Your cheeks are flaming by now, and you wish the ground would open up and swallow you whole.  

“Shut up, Taehyung,” Yoongi groans, and you giggle at the exasperated look he gives his friend. 

Taehyung grumbles something about Yoongi needing to lighten up, and skids off to find another drink. 

“Sorry about him,” Yoongi says, shaking his head, “He’s drunk.”

“It’s alright.  He was trying to be nice.”  You pull on the hem of your dress and pat your over-styled hair down carefully, “I took it as a compliment.”

“I mean he’s right, I guess.  There’s just a way to say things.”

You feel something fizzle in your blood. 

Did Yoongi…. Just call you hot?  (By association, sure, but you don’t care.)

“I have something for you.  A birthday gift.”  He passes you a small box, “It’s not a big deal but uh… I saw it and thought of you.”

You stare at the wrapped present in your hands, incredibly touched by the gesture. 

“Can I open it now?” He nods, and you remove the wrapping carefully, revealing a small cardboard box.  When you open the box, your heart tightens in your chest, at the small locket placed right in the centre.  

“It’s got a picture of Peaches in it.”  You look up at Yoongi’s words and he shrugs, “If you don’t like it-” You feel like you might start crying, but you shake your head and swallow back the tears, “Don’t be stupid.  I love it.”  

He helps you put it on, and when your fingers touch, you feel something magnetic spark through you.  You try to ignore it. 

“Thank you Yoongi.”  You tell him smiling sincerely, “It’s perfect.” 

He reaches out and tucks some of your hair behind your ear, and for a moment, you feel like you might faint.  Smiling gently, he runs a hand across your jawline faintly as his hand moves away from your hair.

“Anything for you.”

And it’s really that moment, that you have to admit to yourself the truth:

Min Yoongi has become a part of your life that you’re not willing to let go. 

And you hope to God that things will work out.

//

APRIL

“You want me to do what?” You stare at him, uncomprehending.

“Just come with me to this stupid frat party, so all my friends will leave me alone.”  He frowns heavily at you when you seem confused by his sudden request.

Min Yoongi has just asked you to attend a party with him.

A party.

“Yoongi this is stupid.  Why don’t you ask one of the girls at university-”

“Because they’re annoying.” When you quirk a dubious brow he groans, “Please Y/N.  Seriously.”

Peaches is perched very delicately on the edge of the couch, and as you shift slightly she raises her head, ears twitching.

“And what?  You want me to pretend to be your… you girlfriend?” You sputter, completely shell-shocked.  Min fucking Yoongi is asking you to be his date.  Granted, you are aware it isn’t an actual date.  Still.

“No.  I mean… I guess?  I don’t know.  We can just say we’re having fun.” “Your friends know me, Yoongi.  They’ve met me like multiple times before…”

“So what?  They like you,” He shrugs and sits next to you on the couch, “Besides doesn’t that make this whole thing easier?  C’mon.  I’m so fucking tired of Namjoon trying to set me up with his fucking cousin from Busan-”

“Alright, fine.”  The thought of Yoongi going on a date with someone who isn’t you, sends a sharp tug across your chest.

Yoongi looks at you, surprised that you’d agreed so quickly.  But he recovers after a moment and smiles widely.

“You’re a fucking angel,” He answers, and you feel your heart burst to the brim with affection for the man sat beside you, “Thanks Y/N.”

“Just make sure I don’t regret this.”

But the threat holds no conviction. 

And you know nothing in the world could make you regret a date with Min Yoongi; fake or not.

--

The party is filled to the brim with drunk college kids. 

You aren’t sure what else you’d been expecting, really.  Yoongi slips his hand in yours as you pass the front hallway of the fraternity house you’re navigating.

When you throw him a questioning look he tells you it’s,  “all a part of the illusion.”

You try to remember that Yoongi isn’t holding your hand because he wants to - not really anyway - but that does nothing to calm your stuttering heart.  You hope against all hope that he won’t notice the ugly red blush staining your cheeks.

If he does, he is decent enough not to say anything about it.

When you reach the front room, Yoongi spots his friends huddled on a couch at the back of the room. 

“Here  goes nothing,” He tosses you a gentle smile and you smile back, feeling your heart squeeze unceremoniously in your chest.

Jesus.  You have it bad.

Yoongi leads you to the small group of attractive boys.

“Yoongi, Y/N!” Namjoon greets you as you reach them, and his eyes dip down to your interlocked fingers, “Oh my God.”  You notice the way his eyes are slightly hazy, and wonder how much alcohol he’s had to drink, “You guys finally did it huh?  Thank fuck.  Jin you owe me twenty bucks!” Yoongi raises a dark brow at his friends comment and Namjoon gestures between the two of you.

“We were betting on how long it would take Yoongi to get his head out of his fucking ass and finally ask you out.”  Namjoon smirks, “The boy’s been crazy about you since you guys moved in together.”

You feel your pulse race.

You know this is all an act - Yoongi just wants to get his friends off his back - but is Namjoon telling the truth? He can’t be, right?  

“Joon.  Shut the fuck up.” You turn quickly to look at Yoongi, but where you’ve been expecting him to be angry at his friend’s teasing, he just seems amused. 

Jin cuts his way towards you and gasps loudly.  

“Yes!  Oh God I’m so happy for the two of you.”

“Calm down Jin, Jesus,” Yoongi rolls his eyes, “We’re just having fun at the moment.  Stop scandalising everything.” “I can’t help it.  We’ve been waiting with baited breath for this moment.” Jungkook, interrupts Jin, “You’re going to freak Y/N out, dude.” “Don’t be absurd.  She’s fine,” He turns to you and quirks a brow, “You’re fine, right?” You clear your throat and swallow thickly, “Just peachy.” 

Jungkook throws you a sympathetic smile, before Taehyung steps through.  He’s holding a pack of cards and he smiles deviously.

“Who’s up for a little game of ring of fire?”

Everybody whistles their agreement, and you turn to Yoongi.

This is a bad idea, of course.  You hardly drink, and when you do it’s only ever beer or alcopops.  Ring of fire is infamous for its ability to absolutely wreck even the heaviest of drinkers. 

And yet….

You want to spend time with Yoongi.  

“The guys are tough with this game,” He tells you seriously, dark eyes questioning but not unkind, “Are you sure you want to do this?” You nod decisively.

“I’ll be fine.”

The last words of a fool.

You were certainly not fine.

An hour and a half later, and Hoseok and Jimin - the heaviest drinkers amongst Yoongi’s friends - have somehow convinced you that mixing vodka, rum and whiskey into the same drink, and then downing that drink will be absolutely fine because of course you picked the final King; which means you have to drink what’s in the King’s glass.

“C’mon you can do it,” Jimin has drunk maybe three times what you have, but he barely slurs as he passes you the plastic cup.

You smell the contents and feel your stomach curl.  This is a bad fucking idea and you know it.

“You don’t have to drink-”

Hoseok interrupts Yoongi, his dark eyes far too serious for a drinking game.

“Yes she does.  It’s the rules.”

Taehyung giggles, “I love it when Hobi gets bossy.”

You glare at Yoongi’s friends - your friends too, you suppose - and with a final, desperate look at Yoongi, bring the drink to your lips and as quickly as you can chug down the entire thing.

It tastes disgusting, and for a moment you’re worried you might vomit. 

“Shit.  She looks green,” That’s Namjoon, “Yoongi take her outside.” Your eyes are squeezed shut, but you feel a familiar warm hand resting on your shoulder and suddenly you’re being hoisted up.

“C’mere,” You feel Yoongi’s breath on your neck, and he pulls you towards him, “Lean on me Y/N.”

“You smell good,” You tell him after a moment, eyes blinking open sluggishly. 

He looks down at you and even though there’s three of him, you’re still taken aback by how positively beautiful he is.

“I’d love to say the same about you, but you did just chug the King’s glass.”

And that’s what really does it.  You’re lucky you’re outside, but just one mention of the concoction you’d been forced to drink, and suddenly everything that was once inside your stomach decides it’s time to vacate the premises immediately.

And that’s how you find yourself vomiting on the sidewalk, with a very concerned Yoongi pulling back your hair, and rubbing your back.

“Hey,” He soothes gently, “You’re okay.  Seriously.” Your body is racking unattractively, and just when you think things can’t get any worse, you start crying.

“I’ve ruined it,” You sob, legs wobbling from the force of the alcohol.

Yoongi clears his throat and helps you stand up straight, concerned eyes searching your face. 

“What?  Y/N it’s fine, you puked on the sidewalk.  Nobody cares.” You stare at him, and wipe at your mouth, completely disgusted with yourself.

“Not that.  This.”  You gesture between the two of you, your hand shaking from everything that’s just transpired, “Me and you.  Fuck, Yoongi I like you so much and I just puked everywhere.”

You’re drunk.  You’re so, so drunk.  And you’re slurring, and you feel like you might pass out at any second, but you can’t help yourself.

It all comes tumbling out.

His face is serious as he tucks his arm around your waist and pulls you towards him, “Let’s talk about this in the morning when you’re not puking the contents of your stomach out.  C’mon.  Let me take you home.”

And he does. 

He takes you home, and he feeds you water and he tucks you into bed and waits with you until you fall asleep.

God you love this man.

//

MAY

You and Yoongi never speak about that night again.  Things don’t change; in fact, they stay exactly the same. 

You worry of course, constantly, about what he really thinks. 

But you’d been expecting this, and in all honesty, things could have gotten a lot worse.  Yoongi never brings up what you said that night, and the morning after he told you there was nothing to worry about.

You know you told him about your feelings for him.  You remember, through the drunken haze, admitting that you liked him.  

So why had he avoided speaking about it? The only logical conclusion you could come up with, was that he didn’t feel the same way, and he didn’t want to embarrass you.

And so, you played along.  You pretended not to hear your heart cracking that morning when he brushed everything over with a wave of his hand, and everything had gone back to relative normativity. 

Except it hadn’t.

Not really, anyway.  

You are still pining after your roommate, except now it isn’t a secret. 

You try not to think about it too often; not to let it get in the way of your friendship with Yoongi, but there are times you can barely look him in the eye.  You convince yourself things will get better.

But today something changes.

Because when you get home after class that evening, there is a girl sat in your living room.

She is absolutely beautiful.

“Hi,” You’re stunned, to say the least, “What are you doing here?” 

The words escape your mouth before you really have the chance to process them.  You know the answer before you even ask the question, of course. 

“I’m Yoongi’s friend.” She smiles widely, “My names Jennie.” 

You recognise her.  Jennie Kim, from your economics class. 

She’s smart too, as far as you can remember, and for some reason that makes this whole thing worse.  You take a deep breath and bite back the tears building at the back of your throat. 

You thought after Yeri, you’d be able to deal with things like this. 

But not now.  Not after you’ve told Yoongi how you feel.

The cold sting of his rejection feels fresh once more, and you have to turn away from Jennie quickly, before you start crying. 

“I’m uh - I’m Y/N, Yoongi’s roommate.” You tell her quietly, willing the tears back down your throat.  You look up after a moment, “Nice to meet you Jennie.” “I know who you are,” She smiles, and for a moment you’re dazzled.  She really is beautiful, “We’re in the same economics class, with Patterson.” 

You nod, but can’t find it in you to reply with words.  You press your backpack tighter against you, trying to hold onto something, and make a beeline for your bedroom.

“Well Jennie, it was nice meeting you.”

You step into your bedroom and she nods.

“Nice to meet you too, Y/N.” You slam the door shut and muffle a cry.  Your heart feels like it’s been ripped out of your chest, and stomped on. 

Pressing your back against the door, you try to suppress the need to sob.  But nothing works.  There is an ache in your chest, and when you hear Yoongi’s voice, the pain intensifies. 

You know he doesn’t owe you anything.

He doesn’t owe you feelings, or a relationship.  He doesn’t even owe you an explanation.

But shit does it hurt to see him with someone else. 

You grab your phone after a moment, and pull up Jisoo’s number.

To Jisoo: he’s got a new gf...i need to get out of here 

It’s only a few moments before your receive a reply.

From Jisoo: i’ll be there in 10 

--

“So spill.”

You’re sitting opposite Jisoo, at a late night diner, sharing a stack of slightly burnt pancakes.  Her eyes narrow at the way tears have marked your skin. 

“What do you mean?” 

It isn’t fair of course.  Though you love Jisoo, and you trust her with your life, you’ve never really told anyone about your feelings for Yoongi.  You suppose saying them out loud might have made things harder to deal with.

She tuts. 

“You like him then?” 

You nod, “Yeah.” She shakes her head, and tugs a hand through her hair.  Jisoo is nothing, if not blunt.

You prepare yourself for her worst. 

“I’m sorry, Y/N.” 

The comment takes you by surprise  You were expecting her to tell you how stupid you were.  How Min Yoongi was totally off limits to everyone at your university.  He was the Vortex, for christs’s sake!  Instead she sighed sympathetically. 

“What?” 

She shrugs, “That sucks.  You know, after your birthday party, I was sure he liked you too.” 

You cock your head to the side, confused.

“What do you mean?” “Don’t tell me you didn’t see the way he was looking at you all night,” She takes a bite of the stack of pancakes, “I mean… to me it kind of seemed obvious that he was into you.” “I told him how I felt.” “You did?” 

“Yeah.” You nod carefully, slowly, wincing as you remember the heartbreak from last month, “I got super drunk at a party and just… I don’t know.  I guess I couldn’t really keep it a secret from him anymore.  I told him and he never brought it up.  And now,” You clear your throat, “Now he’s got a new girlfriend.”

Jisoo’s eyes widen, “Who?” 

“Jennie Kim.  You know that really pretty girl from my economics class.”

“Jennie Kim…” Jisoo’s eyebrows furrow for a moment, “Are you sure she said she was dating him?”

“She said she was Yoongi’s friend…”

Jisoo laughs, “Oh my god Y/N.  You’re an idiot.”

“Excuse me?” “Last I heard Jennie Kim was not into boys.” 

You feel your eyes bug out of your face and for a moment you’re stunned into silence, “What?  Are you kidding me?” “She introduced herself as Yoongi’s friend and you just assumed they were dating?” “She’s beautiful… I don’t know,” You buried your face in your hands, “I’m the dumbest girl alive, aren’t I?” After a moment, Jisoo moves your fingers away from your face, eyes sympathetic and kind.  She smiles you, and despite yourself you smile back.

“You need to talk to him.”

“Just because Jennie isn’t his girlfriend doesn’t mean he likes me,” You tell her sadly, feeling your stomach drop at your own words, “It still doesn’t change the fact that I told him I liked him and we never spoke about it.”

“You confessed when you were drunk… Maybe he was waiting for you to bring it up.”  Jisoo raises a brow, “You need to speak to him Y/N.  About everything.  Sober.”

In your heart of hearts you know she’s right.  

And that’s the scariest part.

JUNE

You take a long time to process everything Jisoo told you that evening/

It takes almost a month for you to build up the courage to tell Yoongi how you feel.  But you know she’s right.  As scary and overwhelming as everything seems right now, this is the last straw.  You need to tell him.  You need to get it all off your chest, and whatever the consequences may be, you will work through them.

“We need to talk.” 

Yoongi is sat in the living room, flicking through the TV channels boredly, when you make an entrance, swallowing back the nerves that threaten to overwhelm you.  He sits up quickly, switching off the TV and turning to look at you.

“We do?” “Yeah.”  

Peaches is curled up on his lap, and you sit down on the sofa, a safe distance away from him.  His eyes roam your face quickly, trying to figure out what’s happening, but you try to remain impassive for the time being. 

“Alright then,” He cocks his head to the side, “Go on.”

You take a deep breath.  Maybe the deepest breath you’ve ever taken in your whole Goddamn life, and click your tongue.  

“I meant what I said that night.” 

Yoongi quirks a brow, confused, “What night?”

“The night I got really drunk at that frat party.  When I told you I liked you… I meant it.  Every word.”  You’re not looking at him, too afraid to see his reaction.  Instead your gaze stays locked onto Peaches ears, eyes grazing her soft fur carefully, “I like you so much Yoongi.  And I know it’s probably stupid, because you’ve made it abundantly clear to me, on more than one occasion that music is the most important thing to you, and that you don’t care about dating.  But I had to tell you.  You don’t have to say anything back to me.  I don’t expect anything… How could I?  But I just - I wanted to tell you.  The truth.  Sober.  I like you.” 

There is a long pause.  Nobody says anything, and you’re scared to even breathe. 

“You like me?” 

Finally your eyes move towards him, and you find yourself lost in the chocolate brown of his warmth, feeling yourself melt into everything that represents Yoongi.  You nod resolutely, trying to read his expression, but all you can see is surprise.

“I’m sorry if that makes things awkward,” You tell him sincerely, meaning every word from the bottom of your heart, “I just… I wanted everything to be out there in the open.  Full transparency.”

“It doesn’t make things awkward,” He answers after a moment, and you notice his eyes have softened to the warmest shade of brown, “Not at all, actually.” You bite your bottom lip, “It doesn’t?”

“Shit…” He shakes his head and laughs a little, “I feel like such an idiot now.”

“What… Why?” 

“Because I like you too.”  One side of his mouth quirks up and he clicks his tongue, “So much.” Your brain feels like it just shortwired.  You stare at him, uncomprehending.

“Wait… What?  You like me?”

“Of course I like you, you idiot.  I’ve liked you for months now.  Couldn’t you tell?” You laugh, feeling like you’ve been struck by lightning, “Are you kidding me?  Yoongi you’re like a freaking rubix cube! I thought I didn’t have a chance.”   He shakes his head, and moves Peaches off his lap, scooting towards you, “Well you were dumb then.  And so was I.  I like you a lot.  A lot.”

You frown, “So why didn’t you ever bring that night up?  I thought you were sparing me the embarrassment of telling me you didn’t feel the same way...” He scoffs and shakes his head, “I didn’t bring that night up because I’m an idiot.  I thought you’d said it in the heat of the moment, that you didn’t mean it because you were drunk... And I was too scared to bring it up in case you took it back.  I’m sorry. Y/N.  Can you forgive me?”

You feel like everything is brighter all of a sudden, all of the colours make sense to you, and Yoongi is the only face you need to see for the rest of your life.

“Of course I forgive you Yoongi.  Can you forgive me-”

 “There’s nothing to forgive.  You’re perfect, Y/N.” He interrupts, shifting towards you and pressing a hand against your cheek, “Now...can I kiss you, because fuck I’ve been dying to do it for months.” You feel like the air has just been sucked out of the room and both your lungs, but you nod anyway, and let him move towards you, pressing a hot kiss against your lips.

Everything melts away, as Yoongi threads his hands through your hair, pulling you closer, until your toppling over into his lap.  He doesn’t seem to care, as he moves his mouth towards you clavicle, pressing open-mouthed kisses on the skin there.

Suddenly everything is hot, too hot, and you hear yourself moan embarrassingly loudly.  Yoongi smirks against your throat, and then sucks on the dip of skin just because your collarbone.

“Yoongi,” You pant and he pulls away for a moment, eyes dark and swirling, “Shit.  I’m going to lose my mind.” “C’mere.” 

He presses his mouth to yours again, and nothing else matters but him for the time being.  Yoongi - your Yoongi - finally. 

The world makes sense. 

 Soon he’s taking off his shirt, and you do the same, trying not to blush when his hungry eyes rake your figure.  He licks his lips and murmurs to you how beautiful you look, how long he’s wanted to do this… How hard you make him.

That last one sense a warm fizz through your veins. 

When he wraps his mouth around one of your nipples, and uses his free hand to push past the barrier of your panties, you feel like you’ve been transported to another world, and suddenly all you can breath… all you can feel is him. 

“Yoongi,” You mewl, as he coaxes you towards ecstasy. 

He smirks, “Yes baby?” The endearment sends an almost painful ache through your heart.  Through your lust, you’re able to roll your eyes at his arrogance.  But secretly (or not so secretly) you love it.

“C’mon sweetheart, let me hear you.”

You moan as your high approaches you, and when you tip over that edge, Yoongi is there with you, holding onto you tightly and telling you how absolutely perfect you look when you cum.  You feel your body flush, but when you open your eyes he’s smiling down at you, and you trace your fingers across the crinkles by the side of his eyes.

“I love you,” You whisper, even if it’s too early… Even if it might scare him away.

Because in your post-orgasm haze, it’s the only thing that makes sense to say.

His smile freezes, and for a moment you worry you’ve scared him off, but he lowers his head and presses a gentle kiss to your clavicle. 

Nobody has ever revered you like this before, and it sends a rush of affection through you.

“I love you too.” 

The words are whispered into your skin, and you hope they’ll seep into every pore of your being. 

Later on that evening you make love on the living room floor, and Yoongi makes you feel loved, loved, loved like nobody has ever done to you before. 

You tell him how much he means to you, and every single kiss he places on your naked body is a vow; a promise of things to come. 

And on that very first night, as you finally retreat to the sanctity of Yoongi’s bedroom for some much needed rest, he tucks your hair behind your ears, and with sincerity in his eyes tells you something that warms your heart to the very tips of your toes.

“Every single song I’ve written since I met you…” He smiles gently and presses a kiss to your nose, “They’re all about you.”

And everything slots into place. 

Yoongi’s music is his, but now it is yours too.  Because he is yours. 

Life is good.

//