#I need 100 crack fics centered on Rabastan now lmao

[leogichidaa]

Regulus is really Rabastan but it’s actually Sirius and him pulling a prank on the entire Wizarding World to see if they can convince everyone that Rabastan Lestrange actually exists when nobody’s met the guy before, they know the Lestrange parents and Rodolphus and they know Rodolphus is an only child, and absolutely nobody knows where this guy even came from because he just popped up one day and claimed to be Rodolphus’s younger brother (Rodolphus decides that this will not be his problem, if some random guy wants to be his younger brother so badly then why not? Rodolphus’s life is already weird enough, he’ll accept a mysterious brother into his life, welcome to the family and all). He’s got a Dark Mark and nobody remembers when he joined, not even Voldemort, who did an actual double-take when he saw Rabastan for the first time (Voldemort: I don’t think this guy is really Rodolphus’s brother since nobody ever mentioned him, but I don’t know enough about pureblood families or siblings to dispute this). Sirius sees his brother in Azkaban (for crack purposes, inmates get to socialize for like an hour), and he’s all “Reg, you know you can drop the act, right?” but Regulus is committed now and also nothing could be funnier than them arresting a guy who doesn’t even exist and not even realizing Rabastan Lestrange isn’t real. Post-war, Hermione or someone is going through the legal papers, trying to ensure nobody else got thrown in prison without a trial, and she has the really awkward time of telling everyone “So, you know the Lestrange trial a while back, the one with Bellatrix? Yeah, so it turns out I can find absolutely nothing on her brother-in-law and Rabastan Lestrange doesn’t exist. We’ve all seen the guy, so anyone know who he really is?”

@ncoincidences

😂 I love this!

I love that Rodolphus is like "yeah, more family, cool". He's not bothered by this mysterious new brother and he's not put off by his wife's illegitimate child. Is this because he craves a family? Is this because he is incapable of experiencing human emotions? Who knows!

The Ministry is so ass-backwards and incompetent they literally throw a conman into prison without realizing they're being conned. Background checks? Never heard of them.

The Quibbler publishes an expose about how Rabastan Lestrange is not who he appears to be and that actually, he is a stack of turnips that the Crumple-Horned Snorkack enchanted to act like a man and infiltrate wizard society. Regulus and Sirius read it together and Sirius calls Regulus a turnip constantly.