#I need I NEEED to get it all out now or I’ll explode later I’m so sorry bow 😭

[puppyeared]

brain worms telling me to draw my sillies again im gonna lose it

[peachy-beomie]

I’ll Be Your Light (In The Darkest Night) <KUNTEN>

Genre: Hurt/Comfort (Fluff w/ Light Angst)

Pairings: Kunten (Qian Kun x Ten Lee)

Word Count: 1,936

Warnings: Light Angst (not much but like kun gets yelled at a lot)

Synopsis: Kun is an amazing leader for wayv. He’s levelheaded, smart, observant, and he knows how to make sure the boys are taken care of. But sometimes leaders have to make tough decisions for the good of their members, even if they can’t see the benefit. OR Kun is upset and Ten is there for him.

A/N: Uh hi this is my first fanfic on tumblr!! :DD My awesome friend sophie (@chicksung) encouraged me to try posting one so here I am. Hope it’s at least an enjoyable read :))) Tell me what you think in the comments or by reblogging! Also I thought a cute little thing to do at the end of each of my kunten fics would be to include a random kunten photo, since they seem to be few and far between (@ Kun and Ten POST A SELFIE TOGETHER COWARDS). So look for that at the bottom of the post! Enjoy lovely readers!!

AO3 Link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29409582

“You’ve got to be kidding me!!!”

Each of the 7 boys flinched hard at their dance instructor’s exclamation, their hearts beating wildly in their chests.

“Seriously what is WRONG with you guys?? That’s the 10th time we’ve gone over that section and you STILL can’t get it right!”

“I think we’re all really tired ge,” Kun interjects, voice calm and collected as always. “Maybe we should call it a night and try again tomorrow.”

The teacher seems to grow angrier from that comment. “We are not done until each of you can do the choreography flawlessly. Go get some water and I better see you back and ready to dance in no more than 10 minutes!!” Kun can do nothing but nod and usher his members into the hall. As they step over the threshold, each boy all but collapse onto the floor, completely drained of energy and courage.

Kun sinks down the wall whilst holding in a groan of pain. The teachers had been really harsh that day, yelling at them and making them work extra hard. Kun wishes he could just go home and cuddle with his boyfriend.

As if sensing Kun’s unease, the aforementioned boyfriend sat next to him and offered him a sip of water which he gladly accepted. Ten intertwined their hands and squeezed Kun encouragingly.

“I don’t think I can take much more of this, my legs feel like Jello.” Hendery comments, breaking the silence of the room.

“I know, the staff have been really crude today,” Lucas responds, his usually wide and wondrous eyes are dulled, which isn’t lost on Kun. His stomach clenches as he looks around at his members. It’s painful seeing them so despondent. Each pair of eyes sporting large bags and shoulders all hunched and tense. The boys stare back at him with expressions so colorless it makes Kun want to cry. Winwin taps him on the shoulder suddenly.

“Kun-ge you have to tell the teacher we can’t go on, I can barely feel my legs.” Winwin’s eyes brim with tears as he speaks and Kun wants so badly to wipe them away. He grabs the back of Winwin’s head and guides it to his shoulder in comfort. Being tired as shit himself, Kun would love nothing more then to tell the teacher to let them go, but he knows he can’t. If he so much as looks at the teacher the wrong way he’ll get them all punished. It makes him feel terrible, not being able to take care of his members the way he needs to. With a heavy heart he brings the boys to their feet, offering them the most encouraging smile he can muster.

“It’s only another half an hour guys, we’ll get through this I promise.”

Needless to say the practice continues to go downhill from there.

The short break did not make the teacher any less cruel. He continues to scream, degrade, and cuss out the members. The words he spews sting each boy to the core. Kun only watches as brows crease infinitely tighter and stray tears are wiped in secret.

Kun doesn’t realize how deep in his thoughts he is until he trips over his foot sending him to the floor. His eyes remain closed as he hears the music switch off and the feeling of doom rises in his chest.

“Oh my god Kun this is RIDICULOUS!! Why can’t you guys get this?? It’s so simple!! Stop slacking and focus!!” Kun reluctantly stands up and faces the teacher with the most level expression he can.

“I’m sorry ge, I’ll do better from now on.”

“You better. It’s bad enough that I have to deal with Xiaojun’s weak form, I don’t need any more challenges today.” Kun is taken aback by the comment. Out of the corner of his eye, he can see Xiaojun curl into himself almost as if trying to disappear, and it fills him with rage. Fire spreads from the tips of his fingers all the way to his toes. His hands ball into fists as he struggles to maintain his calm demeanor. He can handle the insults thrown his way, but something about this one comment set him off. Poor Xiaojun is struggling enough with his own confidence and Kun knows things like this really get to him. He doesn’t want to let this teacher continue to talk shit about the people he cares for. His members stare at him almost expectantly as he glares daggers into the back of the staffs’ heads. Checking his watch, he realizes that there’s 5 minutes left of rehearsal and reality sinks in slowly.

Kun, having been cursed with “holding the braincell” (as Hendery lovingly puts it), knows that if he goes off on the teacher it’ll only hurt his members more. God only knows what’d happen to them if the staff report them as “difficult to work with” or anything. As much as the members want him to assert their needs, they have to know that he stays silent to protect them. So he reluctantly bites his tongue and just continues to dance for 5 long, agonizing, scream-filled minutes.

⏳

The ride back to the dorms is unusually quiet. All the members seemingly too upset or too tired to speak. Ten rests his sleepy head on Kun’s shoulder in a form of comfort that’s only half effective. Kun watches as Hendery holds a shaken Xiaojun and whispers affirmations into his hair. He sees Winwin and Yangyang cuddle up to Lucas trying to get as much sleep as they can in the uncomfortable position. Knots of guilt and sadness begin to form in Kun’s stomach. He attempts to focus on Ten’s heartbeat against his side, but he’s never able to drift off.

Once they get home everything explodes.

“How could you let him do that ge?? Shit talk us like that?? You should’ve said something.” Yangyang cries out, emotional and desperate. The tears they’d all been holding in spilling over in the tense atmosphere. Kun stares back in bewilderment, unable to form a coherent response, and Yangyang is not having it.

“LOOK WHAT HE DID TO POOR XIAOJUN!! HOW COULD YOU LET HIM JUST DO THAT????”

“It’s not Kun’s responsibility to cuss out teachers baby.” Ten interjects, trying to calm the two.

“But he could’ve said something. He’s our leader, he should look out for us.” Hendery pipes up, his tone even but a slight bite lies in his words. Kun’s really trying not to cry now. He should’ve been there for them. He was so stupid to stay quiet, they neeeded him, and he’d failed them.

“I-I’m sorry,” Kun mutters. He keeps his eyes glued to the floor.

“You should be.” Yangyang spits out, before turning on his heels and stomping to his room, slamming the door closed.

“Guys, there’s no use placing blame right now. It’s really late, we should all get to bed.” Lucas shoots a small smile in Kun’s direction before shooing Hendery and Xiaojun into their room. Kun walks shakily to his own room, not bothering to get changed. He sits on his bed and buries his head in his knees, focusing on his shallow breaths.

He felt like the worst friend on the planet. His members had been suffering and all he could do was watch. Some leader, he never should’ve debuted. He’s so worthless, so stupid, so-

“Kunnie?”

Ten’s silky voice cuts through Kun’s thoughts like a knife.

“Kun can I come in?”

Kun makes no motion to look up or get the door, only letting out a noise of confirmation before he hears the doorknob turn.

“Oh darling,” And all it takes is that one pet name for Kun to shatter like glass. His body shakes with each silent sob, all the emotions from today come pouring out. Ten sits patiently, never forcing Kun or rushing him. He’s too perfect Kun thinks. I don’t deserve him follows soon after only making him sob harder. Ten’s hands find their way into Kun’s hair, massaging his scalp assuringly. Several minutes later, Kun’s breathing has evened out until only occasional sniffles remain. He looks up at his boyfriend reluctantly, finding only care and worry in his brown eyes. Ten’s expression melts into a fond smile, pressing a kiss to Kun’s temple before getting up and moving to the dresser. Kun’s gaze follows him, puzzled, until the younger boy turns back to him with pajamas and a large sweatshirt. Ten motions for Kun to lift his arms and begins undressing him. Once Kun is comfortable in his pajamas, Ten sits back down on the bed.

“Care to tell me what's going on in that pretty little head of yours?” Kun can’t help the slight heat that spreads across his cheeks. Even though they’ve been dating for 3 months now, Ten still manages to fluster Kun with ease. It’s just one of his many annoying charms.

“Nothing,” Kun lies, not convincing Ten for a second.

“Come on Kun, knowing you, I’d be more worried if you WEREN’T overthinking this,” Ten giggles melodically making Kun’s stomach flip slightly. “I’m not gonna judge you sweetheart, I swear.” Kun looks down and fidgets with his sleeves.

“It’s just…” he begins, “I feel like a shit leader. Like I wasn’t even able to protect you guys from our own staff! I just think I should’ve... done better.”

“You saying something would only make the situation worse, and we all know that.” Ten smiles lightly. “You can’t actually blame yourself for this Kun, look at me.” Ten presses his forehead against Kun’s and their gazes meet.

“You have to know they didn’t mean that,” Ten’s eyes scan Kun’s, “You didn’t do anything wrong bub, they’re just tired and upset.” Kun nods understandingly, but is obviously still uneasy. Ten quickly notices this and presses his lips to Kun’s. Their eyes flutter shut as each of them get lost in the feeling of each other. Ten’s lips work as if he’s trying to erase all traces of doubt and worry from his boyfriend’s mind. To be honest, it’s kinda working. When they break apart for air Kun can’t wipe the smile off his face. Ten, wearing an equally dopey smile, reaches up to wipe the saliva from Kun’s lips tenderly. He looks into Kun’s eyes with intent as he delivers his next statement.

“You. are. not. always. to. blame.” He boops his nose with each word for emphasis. “You did what you thought was best for the group, as any good leader does. You are so kind and considerate darling, the members love you so so much, you are the perfect leader for WayV.” Kun’s face feels like splitting from the size of the smile he’s wearing now.

“I love you so much.” Ten giggles and pecks Kun’s lips once more.

“I love you too, my handsome baby. Now get over here and sleep with me. We’ve had a long day.” And who’s Kun to refuse such an offer?

⏳

The next morning, Kun watches as Yangyang shuffles into the kitchen looking considerably more rested and also considerably more guilty. He pauses eating his breakfast to look up at the young boy.

“I’m really sorry Kun-ge, I didn’t mean to get so angry last night. And I definitely didn’t mean any of the things I said.” He genuinely admits. Kun only smiles.

“It’s ok Yangyang, I know you didn’t mean to hurt me.” Yangyang’s shoulders relax at that.

“Thank goodness. I feel really bad about it.”

“No need. All is forgiven.”

“So does this mean you’ll make me pancakes?”

“You little-”

KUNTEN PIC OF THE DAY:

[erchommai-a]

how the bond thing should work: clary x jon edition.

i gooot bored at this party and kinda stressed so have some unedited rambling for now. I’ll fix it up later.

The main essence of the bond would not be any different really, in the sense that Clary would not be able to deny Jon anymore than Jon could have denied Clary anything they asked for each other.

The main difference would have been the balance of power between them.

Seb had the upper hand on Jace because Jace, by all honestly, has a soft heart. He’s a good boy. And Jon is a powerhouse, an intimidator, a dictator, and Jace is an easy target to push his will on.

Clary is not.

She’s stubborn and more powerful in many ways Jace just isn’t.

“You’ve got a dark heart in you, Clary.”

*With this bond, it would have been able to manifest much more clearly, much louder than any of Jon’s natural attempts because as I’ve talked about a bit before: it’s not just as simply as a tether.

It bleeds out. They bleed onto each other. A sharing of want and needs and a bond that clings to their soul and mashes it together.

But she’s stubborn.

She’s strong willed.

She’s impossible.

And every bit as hard headed as he is.

So unlike with Jace and Jon the possibility that the bond works differently in one distinct way is that it’s always going to be a fight: of whose will will overpower the other.

His darkness versus her light. Or her darkness versus his.

Because they share that too.

Those Morgensterns.

Those fallen angels.

Where Jonathan may just have a degree more control over his darkness does not mean that Clary does not hold the same power or capability for that same darkness.

And just because Clary has a much better hold on her light doesn’t mean there’s nothing to pull out of Jon.

( Similarly in how, to some degree, Jace managed to pull out some semblance of humanity in him.)

Only the difference here is Clary has a much stronger pull on Jonathan’s strings. She is his humanity even if its unrecognizable to him or her or anyone else really. It’s in her hands whether he fully burns himself to nothing or if there’s a possibility, even a small one, to bring out the boy inside of him.

But it’s not that easy.

Nothing ever is.

Loving a Monster never is.

So it’s a fight of how far down he could drag her with him. How much of the darkness he could pull onto the surface. How much he could do to show her that there could be monstrous acts in innocent intentions and there could be saving graces in horrible violence.

It’s a dance, a repeat through the centuries of that same old tune: dark v light.

Because to some degree, that’s always all Jonathan wants.

For Clary, or really anyone to see, they could be just like him.

And I do think this bond would work wonders in that sense for Clary to feel he struggle of violence and humanity inside of Jon he has never really learned to translate into thought or words.

Cos in the same way that Jon has a bond with Lilith, Clary has a bond with Ithuriel.

And where she translates Heaven, Jon infuses hell into his very actions because hell is so limited to only few words. Spoiler alert: they’re always bad. So what else would he know?

And there could be great symmetry simply in the fact that where he could master hell, Clary could master heaven.

Okay, I’m rambling.

But just picture this: 

They awake in the apartment. Jon still struggling barely alive, cos there’s always a price to pay for life, and it’s never just as simple as finding some other heart, some other spirit to share it with you, especially unwanted.

And she has no choice.

She has to help, has to care, has to bring him back to full health because the scar burns, her skin sizzles, her chest aches with every ragged breath and the agony in him screams in  her head until the bond is complete.

And then it’s quiet.

Just quiet for days and darkness.

An apartment to explore with a question behind every door.

And then he wakes up and she feels him before he sees him, standing behind her, watching him with his dark eyes and a shirt barely draped over him.

Cos Jon is that ass whose going to be barely clothed and still using every sneak attack at his disposal to seduce her, to prompt a reaction, to FEEL every emotion: hatred, disgust, annoyance, it didn’t matter, from her.

Because hey, let’s be honest, it’s an upgrade from indifference, from disappointment, from helpless longing for parental figures that fuck you over. 

At least it’s just a sister now that hates you and says it to your face.

AND YOU KNOW Clary’s hatred can feed him for eons with the intensity of it. 

But he’s close and she can feel him too.

The complicated emotion that swims in his chest.

The rage, the anger, the resentment because it never goes away. It lives in him like oxygen. And he’s loud and he’s heavy and he’s a monster but...she can’t really run away.

Because even without words he’s begging, demanding, commanding, making her stay.

And she can kill him.

He would offer it, walk up to her, knife in his hand. Put it in hers and take it to his chest, feel the burn that would pierce both of their skin, threaten to push deeper while they both bleed from the heart.

But she hears her better judgment.

She can get away from this some other way.

She’s smarter and sneakier than he knows. Than anyone gives her credit for.

But he knows and he lets her.

Cos again, he’s selfish. And he’s needy. And he wants her.

And there’s a trust that comes with the bond, for him, misplaced as it may be that so long as they’re tethered together she can’t leave and she can’t kill him. ( two very simple requirements for his roommate really )

And it’s a few days of quiet then, of Clary holed up i her room, away from him, feeding on sustenance runes.

But there’s the smell of food, of a breakfast laid out, of Jon in some ridiculous apron he’d brought in from outside and it’s normal.

And there’s still no talk of war. No future. Just food. And he shares and he watches her. She’s uncomfortable but she’s hungry. And the violence that comes from him is quiet, more quiet than its been before. And he looks healthier, more human now than he has been in days.

And he asks, because he caaan FEEL that’s important (rather than imposing) if she wants to go out, show her anywhere she wanted to go, takes her to Paris, explore the city, show her off.

Take her to art museums.

Things he thinks she’ll like. 

Places he thinks would make her like him. 

Tell her stories about the city, the people, the history.

And then a demon.

Cos war catches up even if they don’t want it.

And in a manner of days its the Clave.

Shadowhunters come because the world needs to know where Clary Fairchild disappeared to.

There can’t be quiet for long.

And it happens without either of them expecting it, she kills someone that tries to attack him.

A faceless shadowhunter dead in her arms.

And they have to go home, back to the apartment, Clary struggling with the guilt.

But Jon takes it away.

Cause blame is for him. 

He can carry it for her. She can hate him for trying to protect him.

What else is new after all?

And he’s planning, in quiet, in secret, just out of earshot when she’s in her room for what to do, how to be king, to bring back Lilith just in case.

( Cos even with all the want he can’t be sure, can’t be absolutely certain, that he could win with her. That she won’t walk away the minute she finds an exit strategy. Cos, again, when has anyone chosen him over everything else. It’s why COHF was so necessary to be done the way it was. To cage her in with him in Edom. But that’s for another discussion. )

But again, Clary’s a mistrustful clever girl and she’ll see through the ruse eventually.

In the mean time, he takes her to places and he asks her questions. Cos he has this neeed to know. To understand her. And in between he’s sneaking touches, moments, looking for any excuse really to get close to her.

And she’s playing the game, the long con, to figure out how to escape him, how to butter him up, cos in the same way she can’t deny his whims, he can’t deny hers.

( Even if its a battle of wills, there’s more of a balance in decision making with them then there was with Jace and Jon. )

So one day she asks to see Jocelyn, to go back home, to see family.

And he would let her, because he wants her to trust him, he wants her to see he can be good, if only for her.

( Which, also, to some degree he could. There’s more to talk about this too in COHF. )

And he takes her home, brings her to Jocelyn, watches out of view. But they don’t account for Luke. They don’t consider that Jocelyn is ready. And that she can attack him with a knife to his back and the only thing that could stand in her way is Clary who is just as in pain as him but still defiant.

Cos there’s a impulse to protect him, whether its his want or her own, she’s not sure anymore.

And again there’s the question: “Can you kill your own son?” from Jon, but this time, she can feel it, the skip in his chest when he asks it. The violent whiplash in his chest. The curious burning that explodes into absolute silence when Jocelyn says yes and he’s stealing Clary back, bringing them home.

And he’s taking the knife from his shoulder, taking off his shirt to ask for her help. For an iratze.

And then there’s the scars.

There’s a context for the pain.

There’s questions and then there’s answers.

A childhood spilled out onto every engraved line on the span of his back.

And god Clary is suddenly turned vengeful angel to anyone who has ever brought him harm.

Sister turned protector.

And again there’s the shift, there’s almost understanding, comfort in her touch, in her eyes, in the way they talk.

But he’s keeping secrets still and laying down traps.

Still not completely trusting her to understand what he wants, what he expects to happen.

And the little traps lead to clues.

Until they’re standing in front of some demon, offered answers on how to bring Lilith back.

But Clary does something without thinking, upsets the demon, an there’s a fight and they’re both scratched and clawed out after.

She asks why, she has to, she doesn’t understand. Why of everyone he would bring her back? A demon when there’s a mother to come back to? They just need to change her mind.

But again, that’s ridiculous to him. To comprehend Jocelyn the way Clary does.

And for the first time since the plains he kisses her, hard and desperate and she pushes him away.

“That’s why.”

Because he wants someone that’s entirely his. He needs someone just as devoted. He demands it from the universe and if it won’t give, he wills it into existence even if he has to kill a thousand more lives.

It’s madness.

It’s irrational.

It’s suicidal.

And they go home complete with answers with different goals.

She arranges to stop him, finally finding some sneaky way to call for Jace or anyone. While Jon is planning to bring Lilith back.

And he’s clouded with desperation because what? He’s a messsss and fucked up.

While she’s renewed with a sense of purpose. She wants her brother. She wants her family a second chance. And she’s just as impossible to change her mind as Jon is.

Jace tries of course, reminds her who Jonathan is to the world.

But she knows better.

She’s seen more of him than he did of himself.

And there’s a whole rush to the end, to the Burren, to the gang coming in and Jon’s people trying to fight them. It’s a mess and Jon is shouting that if Clary is harmed they’re all dead.

And they meet somewhere in the middle of it all, surrounded by clashing swords and war and devastation cos THAT should be the backdrop of everything that revolves these two.

With Jon coming in, sword through someone’s chest just as they’re about to attack Clary.

And it feels like their bond is burning after a few days of being far away from each other. Both their emotions loud and pronounced to each other.

Only this time its Clary that comes with an offer.

It’s Clary coming with salvation.

It’s Clary offering to take him home.

Give him absolution.

Mark him hers in no way anyone can because it’ll be no rune heaven or clave has ever done.

It’ll be hers.

Which means he’ll be hers.

Something that could share the hell with the heaven in the marks on both their chest.

Something that’s explicitly just theirs.

( Cos come ooon, Clary is literally the creator, she can make and do whatever she wants if she wills it. )

I meaaan that’s the pg-13 and summarized part

WHERE this could lead, I’m just saying there’s a lot of opportunity for obsession, possession and seduction to be involved. Cause Jon is my burning garbage baby.

And he’s not afraid to use the bond to steal opportune moments to get close to her as previously said.

And basically, theres a whole lot of potential too to make Clary absolute batshit crazy dark too. But again, it doesn’t necessarily have to end at this. Cos even in Jon’s absolute darkness his goal is very Clary-oriented. So if Clary ever changed her mind and wanted the world to be her kingdom than Jon is the first to get on his knees and help her with that.

I’m very stressed from this part so I’ll probably get back to editing/adding more when I get some freetime.