#I realized too late giving him red hair makes him look like mystique

[jeanrainier]

Finally, some recent art! Just drew this lil bastard a few days ago

[jungkxook]

—amortentia.

⟶ pairing: jungkook x reader

⟶ genre: hogwarts/harry potter au / enemies-to-lovers + fluff

⟶ words: 5,486

⟶ rating: pg-13

⟶ summary: jungkook loves everything strawberry but the simple pleasure is always kept hidden, stowed away as if some hideous secret to protect the rumours that had built up around him — until a love potion outs him.

⟶ disclaimer: this is a repost of an old fic from my old blog since i know some of you were asking about it! i hope you enjoy!!

Jungkook loves strawberries.

He remembers fondly the warm summers as a child when he would go strawberry picking with his grandmother, and revels in the taste and the memory each time he bites into a fresh berry, the juices coating his tongue in sickly sweetness; he likes the smell of all the lotions and lip balms, candles and fragrances, that carried notes of the red fruit in comforting wafts, remembering distantly a time when his mother’s fruity perfume would breathe warm life into his cold house in the middle of a dull winter; he remembers sentimental times spent at the local cafe near his home, loving and basking in the way the homely and warm aroma of a freshly baked pie and the sugary tartness of strawberry lemonade would fill his nostrils and consume his senses, leaving his mouth watering. 

Jungkook loves everything strawberry but the simple pleasure is always kept hidden, stowed away as if some hideous secret to protect the rumours that had built up around him.

Ask any girl that thought Jeon Jungkook is handsome or any boy that thought Jungkook is a god and they would say he smells like the purest form of any man with a harmonious scent of musk, cedar wood, and oak; like fresh rain that soaked in the middle of a mossy forest, spices, and black coffee — but they couldn’t have been more wrong. Maybe he did smell of musk or wood or rain when he was continuously outside, practicing every moment he had with his Quidditch team, but Jungkook was more than just that. Really, though, it made sense as to why people thought that way about him when he had left such a lingering impression on the school.

You can still remember the very first day you saw him; the very moment you had, from your spot in line in front of the Sorting Hat on the first day as a first year, saw the stoic boy step forward. Made up of a nervous face and obsidian locks that fell into his equally dark eyes, the Hat had instantly deemed the boy a Ravenclaw — and perhaps the house’s reputation was what added to his mystique and strange charm. Even then, from what you observed, he had been a silent boy, making his way to and from classes usually alone, and somehow ignoring the gaggle of girls (from all years and from all houses) that trailed along behind him, giggling and clamouring over how cute he is.

As the months went on, you never witnessed much change in Jungkook safe for the friends he suddenly made in the first half of second year (a surprising mix of Ravenclaws, Hufflepuffs, Gryffindors, and Slytherins) and the smug attitude he began to develop. A rebel, they said, a bad boy at heart, the very antithesis of Ravenclaws. Someone all the girls craved for and all the boys yearned to be. And while you tried to assume that perhaps there was more to the boy than meets the eye — that maybe he was built on different layers you could one day explore — when he begins to become too conceited with the way he is praised, you grow disenchanted by him and his cocky smirks. Yet, for some reason, he finds it necessary to go out of his way to talk to you no matter what — and you were quick to learn to despise him and his constant mocking, all possibilities of trying to get to know him diffused. 

In first year, you had to endure a whole semester worth of Jungkook tugging at your hair when he sat behind you in Charms class. In second year, an unspoken rivalry began in which the two of you would compete to see who could earn the better grades. You can’t quite pinpoint when or where the hatred for one another began, but the irritation that comes as a result of it only grows more adamant with each passing day.  

In third year, you distinctly remember being confined to the many dusty oak shelves and rows of leather bound books in the library, your eyes constantly flickering to the ornate grandfather clock nearby you as you wait alone. An agreed time of 6 pm to meet in the library after dinner to work on a partnered assignment had otherwise vanished from the boy’s memory. Had it been up to you to decide what partner you wanted, you would have much rather preferred to pick one of your friends and not the Ravenclaw who was fifteen minutes late. With the project due in two days, and with the nearly three weeks you had to finish it, you had constantly asked to meet with Jungkook to work on it and each time he had made a different excuse. 

As time crept on and the waning hours of the daylight dwindled to a dull darkness, twenty minutes would pass and it was then that you would grudgingly begin packing your belongings. The wait was not worth the trouble. Yet just as you are standing from your seat, the boy waltzes into view, coming to a nonchalant halt in front of you and placing his bag on the table, as if he didn’t know how late he is. He has abandoned his robe to wear only a grey fleece pullover on top of his white button up, his torn up Converse shoes ruining the uniform outfit with his casual flare. Your stare flickers up to meet his smug face and a frown forms on yours as you spot the other third year Slytherin girl giggling a flirtatious goodbye to the boy who winks in response. Finally, he turns to look at you.

“You’re leaving already?” Jungkook asks. “I just got here.”

“Twenty minutes later, Jeon,” You snap.

The boy quirks a brow, twisting around in his spot to look at the clock. “I could have sworn you said we should meet at six-thirty. I’m ten minutes early.”

“I remember saying six o’clock,” You say. “As well as you telling me that six was perfectly fine. Look, History of Magic isn’t my favourite either but I would appreciate it if you at least put some effort into the class and this project.”

“Shh!”

The hiss that comes from the student studying near you only makes you scowl. You turn around hotly to continue shoving your books and papers into your backpack.

“I was busy,” Jungkook says.

“Busy flirting with every living thing?” You asks.

“What?” Confusion paints his face, and then he is shaking his head furiously. “No!”

Your eyes narrow into a scrutinizing glare. You point over your shoulder at the same Slytherin girl who is still within the library, standing just a few feet away from the pair of you. She has an opened book in her hands in an attempt to look distracted but her eyes are fixated solely on Jungkook. When she catches Jungkook staring, his gaze lifting over your shoulder, she hurriedly looks away and blushes.

“So I assume she’s just a friend?” You retaliate. “You know what your problem is, Jeon? You never take anything seriously.”

Immediately, Jungkook tenses. His arms snake around to cross in front of his chest.

“Well, you take everything too seriously,” he says. “When was the last time you had some fun? Any time I talk to you, you’re always fussing about the work or about how much you hate me—  it’s like you’re a walking, talking, breathing dementor! You suck the life out of everyone.”

“Shh!”

The snarl this time is much harsher, coming from yet another student who has been devoting his time to writing an essay. But now you can’t be bothered to worry about silence. You slam shut the book in your hand with a very loud thump that seems to echo around the eerily silent room and fling a strap of your bag over your shoulder.

“Well, I’m sorry that I, and this assignment, are such inconveniences to you,” You say, “but from now on I give up on making sure we both don’t fail this class. If you need me, which I assume you won’t, I’ll be in my room, far from you.”

“Excuse me!” The familiar bark of the librarian’s voice hardly makes you jump even as she comes marching down to the two of you. “This is a library, a quiet place to study. It would be greatly appreciated if you could bring your conversation out into the halls.”

Had she not interrupted your conversation with Jungkook, you would have never realized just how loud your voice had risen. Clearing your throat and tightening your grip on your bag and the book, you tear your eyes from Jungkook and stomp defiantly out into the corridors to retreat to your common room, leaving Jungkook alone. He would find you the day after in a sluggish state, his hair dishevelled and his clothes askew as if he had slept in them — or, rather, had not slept at all — showing you all the work he had finished for the assignment the night before.

In fourth year, you are leaving the stands of the Quidditch pitch on a surprisingly warm November evening. Following the slew of students back to the school after a heated game between Ravenclaw and Gryffindor — where the latter team won after a fiery race between the two Seekers for the golden snitch — the eager chatter buzzes in the air. Beside you are your two friends who are, just as many others are doing, whispering excitedly about Jungkook’s role as Seeker and his “amazing performance.” 

“Did you see the way Jungkook played?” Hana asks from the right side of you. “How can someone be so attractive?”

To your left, Nayeon is practically standing on the tip of her toes, desperately craning her neck to search the crowd for the boy and his friends. “Oooh, look! There he is! He’s so sweaty! Imagine his muscles—”

“You’re ridiculous,” You sigh with a disapproving shake of your head.

Despite your condescending tone, you can’t help but glance over your shoulder to follow your friends’ gaze. Laughing in triumph with his team and friends, Jungkook stands adorned in the usual Ravenclaw royal blue Quidditch uniform, the robes somehow accentuating his tanned skin and dark hair that clings to his sweat-covered forehead. Since when had he grown so tall? And maybe Nayeon was right — since when did Jungkook start looking so muscular? 

“Your staring is obvious, Y/N,” Hana says. 

“And so is your crush on him,” Nayeon murmurs. 

“Crush?” You burst out into laughter. “Now that’s funny. I could never have a crush on him!”

“Have a crush on who?”

The familiar voice makes you groan inwardly and the arm that is tossed around your neck almost makes you gag. Your body grows rigid under Jungkook’s touch, though he doesn’t seem to notice that or the way you carefully try to peel his arm off of you but to no avail. Joining him is his typical duo of friends. The other Slytherin boy next to Jungkook is the shy and soft Park Jimin, accompanied by their inseparable Hufflepuff friend, Kim Taehyung. The two boys smirk wolfishly down at your friends, both of whom are so suddenly at a loss for words.

“Evenin’, ladies!” Jimin says. “Enjoy the show?”

“We hate to brag but we taught him everything he knows,” Taehyung says, ruffling Jungkook’s hair.

Jungkook rolls his eyes and swats Taehyung’s hand away. “Maybe the three of you can come down to watch us practice one day.” 

Your friends exchange glances and giggle nervously. 

“We’d love to,” Nayeon smiles.

Your lack of response clearly doesn’t go unnoticed by your friends, nor Jungkook and his friends. As you turn your head to look away from the group, you briefly catch the sudden scent that is Jungkook and your face scrunches. It isn’t so much as gross as it is overpowering. Passed salt and sweat, you can smell something clean like freshly cut grass or some sort of lemongrass shampoo. But instead of telling him out loud what you thought, you pushed him away.

“You smell terrible,” You said. “Go take a shower, Jeon.”

“Always playing hard to get,” Jungkook sighs. “Sorry we can’t all smell like your floraly essence after playing an intense Quidditch game.”

You only hum in response, turning your head to look away from him and his friends. The act seems to earn a smirk from Jungkook and then he and his friends are parting from you, walking back to the locker rooms. After that day, your friends’ profuse pleads and begs for you to come with them one day when the Quidditch teams are practicing would eventually make you cave in. When Jungkook sees you sitting in the stands burrowed in a wool scarf and heavy robes, albeit with a frown on your face and your eyes scanning the pages of a book in your lap, he catches your attention by shouting your name and then winking at you. Seconds later, a Quaffle is thrown his way by a fellow teammate and nearly knocks him off his broom.

In fifth year, you are seated in your Transfiguration class at the back and nearly dozing off as your Professor drones on and on in the early morning about some boring lecture. Jungkook sits in the row opposite you and a seat behind but that doesn’t stop him from constantly trying to catch your attention, whispering your name. It is only when you hear a few classmates near you break out into wondrous awes that you lift your head from its resting place wedged between your folded arms on top of your desk and turn. Soaring above the students’ heads is an enchanted paper bird, its thin wings fluttering its way to you.

You gaze at it for a moment, a small smile tugging at the corners of your lips, before noticing that it is Jungkook who had magicked it, wand in hand as he waves it towards you. As soon as it reaches your table, it floats around your head and lingers in front of your face, beckoning you to take it. Instead, your hands try swatting it away though it doesn’t seem to budge. When you relent and succumb to taking the bird, it is not before you shoot an annoyed glance back at Jungkook. Then, you unwrap the bird in your hand. With thin black ink sprawled out in perfect cursive writing, a single dreadful question is poised in pretty script: Meet me tomorrow at noon at the Three Broomsticks? It’ll be my treat.

“Is that from Jungkook?” Hana asks. She peers over your shoulder from beside you to look down at the paper, her voice incredibly louder than you would have liked. “It is! Is he asking you out? You know, I always knew you liked him. You’re a terrible liar— ”

You gasp. Your hand quickly covers the paper, yanking it out of Hana’s view. “I do not like him!”

“Do too!” Hana laughs. “So, what are you going to say? Huh, who knew Jungkook was so soft and cute? Have I told you how cute the two of you would be together?”

Maybe it’s the way she so suddenly begins to gush over you dating Jungkook, or the way her voice garners the attention of those sitting around you, letting other girls fawn over how cute his simple gesture is, that makes you curdle with embarrassment. But what are you so shy of? You are insistent that you don’t like Jungkook but you were certain that if word spread that you did have feelings for him, your whole life would be drastically ruined. Or maybe you were more fearful of the idea of possibly liking Jungkook in return, even if you had so profusely been lying to everyone and yourself.  

“Stop it!” You hiss. “I would rather kiss the squid in the Black Lake than date him!”

Then, as if to emphasize this apparent hatred, you grab your quill and furiously write in big scratchy letters “NO” before crumpling it in your hand and twisting in your seat. Set on chucking the balled up piece of paper right at Jungkook’s smug face, you are startled when you feel the paper being plucked from your grasp by none other than your Professor. She stands before you with a sour look on her face, a willowy old lady with gray wisps of hair pulled back into a tight bun. 

“Ah, Miss Y/N,” she hums, “if you have more important matters that you seem to want to discuss with Mr. Jeon, surely you can divulge with the rest of the class too.”

Your mouth clamps shut. You watch, stricken with horror, as she unravels the paper in her hands, her glossy eyes skimming its contents from beneath her half-moon spectacles. She purses her lips, and then shifts her gaze to you and then to Jungkook sitting behind you. The silence that follows as she moves towards him is near unbearable, making you shift uncomfortably in your seat.

“If you would have much rather preferred to flirt with Miss Y/N than listen to my lecture, feel free to leave my class, Jeon,” Your Professor says. She drops the paper onto his desk with a flourish. “Though, it’d be in your best interest to stop your daydreaming and pay attention to my class because I’m afraid her answer was no.”

Your eyes widen as you twist in your seat to look at your Professor and a startled Jungkook. And, maybe, if you looked hard enough and passed the smug smirk, you could see his conceited stare falter as a look of hurt flashes across his eyes. A few murmurs and giggles break out amongst the students, making your cheeks burn hot and forces you to turn back around and away from Jungkook.

“And I suppose that now neither of you are busy tomorrow, you wouldn’t mind spending it in detention with me,” Your Professor says. Then she was rounding on her heel, marching back to the front of the classroom and restarting her lecture.

After the torturous detention where Jungkook suddenly refuses to look or talk to you after what had happened, and a week after the missed Hogsmeade trip, you would find Jungkook walking the halls, hand-in-hand, with another Ravenclaw girl. As they pass you, seemingly unaware of your lingering presence, you see the girl stop Jungkook and lean forward to kiss him, his own hands resting on her waist and tugging her closer to him. Though you tell yourself you’re free from his constant flirting and mocking, you can’t help but feel somewhat let down as you walk away that day.

In the beginning of sixth year, when all the students had found a moment to themselves and a much needed break from all the sudden stress of homework, you would wind up at a party being held in the Room of Requirements. Though you weren’t quite sure how the students were able to smuggle alcohol into the school, you remember drinking until you are blissfully numb and without a care in the world. Most of the evening had been spent chatting to Nayeon and Hana but when they become distracted with flirting with their crushes, you are left alone. It isn’t much long after that you stumble into Jungkook. Drunkenly dancing to the upbeat thump of music that reverberated around the room, you had, somehow, lost your footing. As you fall into the thick crowd, a pair of strong hands reach out to swiftly catch onto yours arms and hold you up. Jungkook’s surprised when you don’t bother pushing him away and let him help straighten you up. Clearly, you’re much too drunk to function, and he makes sure to hold you at a comfortable distance away from him. Then, there, under the dim lights of the room, you are met with his typical smirk tugging at his luscious pink lips (which you find yourself gazing at for longer than necessary). 

“Ah, if it isn’t Jeon Jungkook,” You rasp. You sway dangerously in his hold and nearly fall to the floor again. He tightens his grip on you and catches you once more before you can slip away. “What do you want from me tonight?”

“Hey, you bumped into me. I’m just being nice and making sure you don’t face-plant the floor.” 

“Yeah, but of course you had to be right beside me. I think I’d rather have face-planted the floor.”

He quirks a brow. He feigns dropping you, momentarily loosening his grip just enough for you to come flailing forward with a yelp of surprise. He doesn’t let you fall too far, though, and catches onto you swiftly once more, hooking his arm around your waist. When you meet his stare with a scowl, he grins. “You were saying?”

“Do you remember that one time you told me I never have fun?” 

“Not really.”

“Ah, well, you say a lot of shit to me,” You say. “But that stuck out the most. You called me a dementor. A dementor. My thirteen year old self never forgot that.”

Jungkook winces at how carefree you seemed to say it, at how you still remembered it three years later. His hands drop from you once you’re steady and he runs his fingers through his locks, softly pushing them up and out of his eyes before they ultimately fall flat against his forehead once more. 

“I didn’t mean it,” he says. “I mean, look at you now. You seem to be having a lot of fun. How drunk are you anyway?”

“It’s not fun when it feels like I’m trying to prove a point to you,” You sigh. “But I already know you don’t care about me.”

“That’s not true,” Jungkook says. “You’re the one who doesn’t care about me.”

You burst out into a fit of mocking laughter and shake your head at him. Swaying forward, almost precariously close to him, you tap the tip of his nose with your finger. “Jeon Jungkook, you can be real oblivious.”

And then you are kissing him, pressing your soft lips to his. He doesn’t push you away, albeit however incredibly surprised he may be. Instead, as he feels your lips move against his, he finds himself basking in everything that is you. All he can smell is your floral perfume and, passed the liquor that stained your lips, could taste your peach lip balm and the bubble gum you had been chewing earlier in the night. He hates how much he loves it. His hands lift to rest on either side of your face and he gently brings you closer to him, his tongue laving at your peach flavoured lower lip. He hears you moan softly in content as you melt against his chest, your fingers suddenly tugging desperately at the hair at the nape of his neck. It’s then that you realize that all you can smell is the scent of freshly cut grass and his lemony shampoo, but all you can taste is something warm and sugary that feels all too comforting.

You come to the conclusion in your drunken mind that you would have loved to keep kissing him. That, maybe, kissing Jeon Jungkook wasn’t so bad. But then just as suddenly as you had kissed him, he is pulling away from you, sending you crashing and burning down from your reverie. With swollen pink lips, wide eyes, and dishevelled hair, Jungkook shakes his head abruptly and mumbles a quiet, “I’m sorry.” 

He flees from your grasp and from the party before you can stop him — and it is in that moment that you began to hate Jungkook, but not more than you hate yourself for actually enjoying the way it felt to kiss someone like him. You would never learn why he had left so soon until much later when he tells you that he didn’t want you to regret anything you did drunk — didn’t want you to regret kissing someone like him when you had seemed to hate him for years prior.

In the second half of sixth year, when you begin to fail Potions, your Professor does what he thinks is best and pairs you with Jungkook, the smartest student in his class. Hearing that Jungkook, of all people, is remarkable at Potions doesn’t come as a surprise. You are quick to learn just why he had been placed into Ravenclaw, carrying their impressive ambition and intelligence. If anything, you are almost jealous of how easily he seems to pick up on things and can reproduce them at top notch quality.

Your friendship with him is still strained and is perhaps even worse than it had once been ever since the night of the party. Neither of you talk about the moment and, from what either of you were concerned, both of you had long since forgotten the night had ever happened. Unbeknownst to you is that when Jungkook sees how cold and distant you become in the days after, he refuses to tell you the truth that the kiss is always on his mind. So, when you are forced to work with him for any assignments or in-class work, most of your conversations end in constant bickering. Miraculously, somehow, your grades do gradually begin to pick up. 

One day, when you both walk into class, you are greeted to the sight of a smoldering cauldron placed neatly on top of your Professor’s desk, a beautiful scent filling the room that seems to be coming specifically from whatever has been brewing. The liquid contents within contains a mother-of-pearl sheen and clear smoke spirals from it in wisps. As soon as everyone is seated at their desks, your Professor steps forward and begins his lecture.

“Good evening, class!” he chirps. “Today we have a very exciting lecture that has to do with what is currently sitting on my desk. Now, can anyone tell me what exactly it is?”

A few shouts of guesses are tossed into the air but all are wrong as your Professor simply shakes his head. Jungkook raises his hand casually and your Professor points enthusiastically at him. 

“Yes, Jungkook?”

“It’s Amortentia,” he says.

“Right you are, my boy!” Your Professor beams. “Five points to Ravenclaw! This is, in fact, Amortentia. Now, for those of you who do not know what it is, that is perhaps all the best. But as it is, it’s important to educate you on the various effects each potion can have on a being and why someone should, or should not, administer it. Amortentia, simply put, is a love potion.”

Gasps of awe and murmurs from certain students circulate the room as your Professor carries on.

“And not just any love potion — the most powerful love potion in the world,” he says. “If anyone were to receive such a potion, it would cause an intense infatuation and obsession on the drinker. However, the potion must be continuously administered to the drinker or else the effects will wear off and the drinker will regain his or her conscience and free will. Now, if you ever wanted to know how to identify Amortentia, you can rely on its very distinct smell. Differing on the person who smells it, it will always morph into the scent of whomever you desire most. For instance, I smell lemon drops, toothpaste, and parchment paper. You may all smell something different.”

A handful of students lean forward in their seat, desperately moving closer to the cauldron and the potion that carried such charming scents. Despite not wanting to show your immediate interest in something as strange as a love potion, you sit back in your seat but inhale a slow, deep breath of air and the scent that makes your heart skip a beat. It would pose as an obstacle to focusing on the lecture as your Professor carried on, though you find you’re not the only one so easily distracted by it. Halfway through the class, he stops his lecture and informs the students of their task for the evening: replicating Amortentia perfectly with the help of the partner sitting next to them.

So, you and Jungkook immediately head to work, beginning the tedious process of preparing ingredients and brewing the potion. Naturally, your own potion brewing goes faster than others as Jungkook seems to know what to do with everything. For the most part, you sit back and watch, as Jungkook refuses your help any time you offer, claiming you would only just slow him down. When it’s done, and the entire class is still halfway through theirs, you fold your arms over your chest and look up at Jungkook, noting the way his eyebrows scrunch together as he peers down at the glistening potion.

“I can’t smell anything,” You say. “Did you even do this right?”

Jungkook grimaces, though his stare falters. He doesn’t admit it aloud, but he worries for a moment that maybe he isn’t as good at Potions as he thought he was. In the next second, he scowls and shoots you a look.

“What kind of question is that?” he asks. “Of course I did it right! I followed everything properly. It even looks perfect.”

“Well, obviously it isn’t perfect if neither of us can smell anything,” You say.

“Well,” Jungkook says, irritated, “maybe if you didn’t bathe yourself in your ridiculous floral perfume, I could smell something.”

“Me?” Your mouth drops open in an appalled gap. “Now it’s my fault? You’re one to talk. Did you have practice this morning? All I can smell is grass and your stupid lemon shampoo or whatever it is. It’s disgusting.”

The bickering continues on between the two of you until you’ve seemingly grabbed the attention of the entire class. Near the very end of the period, it’s Taehyung who finally says something, leaning back in his chair to look at the two of you. 

“Jungkook didn’t have practice this morning,” he says. “He also didn’t shower because he slept in late. Or did you forget that, Jungkook?”

“And Y/N?” Nayeon chimes in from beside you. “Didn’t you run out of your perfume last week?”

Jungkook clamps his mouth shut. Your own heart stops. Suddenly, your face is burning intensely and Jungkook’s own cheeks are pinched a bright red as, slowly, the realization seems to dawn on the both of you. Chuckles emit from your friends as your Professor signals that the time is up. You don’t dare look at Jungkook as your Professor grades each potion, and then anxiously await the chance to dash out the door when your Professor claims yours and Jungkook’s potion was done just perfect. As soon as he moves on to the next pair, you have gathered your belongings and have darted out the room. You are nearly halfway down the corridor when you hear Jungkook calling after you, begging you to stop.

“Y/N! Hey, Y/N! Wait up, please!”

Your feet quicken in pace as you round the corner. Just when you think you’re free, you feel a hand clasp around your wrist and pull you back into a hardened figure. Jungkook. He’s standing so incredibly close to you now, his gaze softening as he looks you once over. You can only avoid his stare, though your eyes fall to the distraction that is his hand clamped around your wrist. 

“I really am not in the mood to talk right now, Jungkook,” You mumble. “Just leave me alone.”

“What else did you smell?” Jungkook asks.

His question makes you stop. It’s what causes you to carefully lift your stare to look at him.

“What?” You stammer. “What does it matter?”

“Just tell me, please,” he says, his grip tightening around your wrist. “I need to know.”

You could have shaken your head at him, pushed him away and walked off, but the longer you stare at him, the faster you begin to cave. Your mind is instantly brought back to just moments ago and the love potion that had filled your senses. As you think about all the lovely things you could smell, you whisper the answer in a sheepish voice:

“Strawberries.”

There is a split moment where all you can see is Jungkook’s beaming grin before he is pulling you toward him for a kiss that nearly sweeps you off your feet. You collapse against his broad chest, your hands flying up to bundle in his shirt and pull at him tightly as he kisses you and kisses you. You wonder why he had done so spontaneously but then it seems to hit you.

All you can smell on Jungkook, all you can taste, is lemon, grass, and strawberries. 

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[kendo413]

ValVarez headcanons, pt 2

Here is the second part of the Judy/fem!V headcanons. There will be a part three, and I believe that one will be the final one. Once again, I doubt much of this is unique, so if you feel it is something you want in your fic or whatever, have at it.

Judy thought her output was an open book before they started dating, but now? Now she realizes how much her usual forthrightness disguises.

No one would know to look at her, but V spent the first 15 years of her life raised by scavs. She goes out of her way to take gigs dealing with them, but refuses to share why she hates them so much.

V is afraid she isn't smart enough for the techie, and Judy thinks it's endearing how excited V is when she calls to tell her that she managed to hack something for a job. Judy just wishes that V could wait until the gig was over before making that call.

She doesn't know much about the merc's upbringing, but she can imagine that a lot of V's issues in (nonviolent) social situations stem from that. V is also more intelligent than she gives herself credit for, especially with people, and Judy is all too happy to remind her of that.

V tends to take anything even remotely valuable wherever she goes, snoops through any dataterm she pleases - even her ability to deal with Johnny Silverhand in her head are probably quirks leftover from her past, and Judy lo- likes that about her. Unfortunately, there are people like Maiko who just see a greed driven murderous freak.

Mama Welles used to do all of V's laundry for her. Apparently she nearly destroyed the machine when it was V's turn to try, and Mama Welles swore never again. Judy only found out after V showed up wearing pants that miraculously fit her, paired with a muscle tank so stretched out she had to tie it in knots just to be decent. Being a former scav, V has no issues grabbing clothes off a corpse, as long as it's cleaner than what she's currently wearing.

Judy has not gotten an answer as to whether or not V finds a secluded place to change clothes, but has to believe she does since the merc doesn't have any warrants for that, at least.

One night squished together in the dark on Judy's mattress, V confesses she's desensitized to a lot of things because of her upbringing. For a long time, she only felt a thrill when on a job, but now that she has Judy, it's not the same anymore. The thrill of life and death has turned to apprehension, because now she has someone to leave behind. The real rush comes when she gets to hear how relieved Judy is when she calls after every gig is complete.

Maybe it's not too soon for Judy to admit she's falling for this gonk.

Loathe as she is to admit it, Judy has to agree with Johnny. Something about Takemura doesn't sit well with her. Maybe Johnny is just a one note anti-corpo bastard, or maybe in his own way he's realized V can be naïve about people and is trying to help. Or maybe he's a dick and doesn't like V listening to anyone but him.

They have dinner with Mama Welles again, and this time Misty and Vik are along for the ride.

Misty is sweet, and Judy is starting to wonder if V attracts all the good people to her, or if Misty is right about the "Guiding hand of Fate." Misty is also clearly glad to not be the only "too skinny" woman Mama Welles is feeding tonight. She promises to explain another time, and Judy is looking forward to that.

Vik is her ripper and decides to "completely ruin the mystique of the sword wielding merc." Apparently V has some rare pervasive defect between her optics and her brain - her vision gets blurry beyond 20 feet or so. It's easier, and safer, for her to swing a sword because at least she won't hit a civ that way.

Vik also insists that she never be allowed behind the wheel unless the only thing she can hit are cacti. Judy can't help but kiss the pout off of V's face when the others join in on the ribbing.

Judy hasn't met the family of any of her previous outputs, and can't help but wonder if this is what she's been missing out on.

Judy gets a picture of a surly looking man with long hair and a scowl captioned with, "Panam, no!" This is followed up by a selfie of Panam maniacally grinning captioned with, "Panam, yes!!" V assures her this is their entire dynamic, and she's officially Panam's choom at this point.

V disappears again, but only for a night. Johnny apparently painted the town red in his quest to be a dick, and V wound up paying for it. Judy is all too willing to swing by with her secret hangover remedy.

They aren't sure which of them hates the tattoo more. By the way V is glaring harder and harder at the corner, Johnny is loving every minute of their annoyance

Judy calls Panam after an argument with V about her habit of jumping into matters best left to the NCPD. Nothing big, but neither were willing to concede their point and Judy needed to vent to someone who would understand. Her output's job was dangerous enough without playing at being some machete wielding vigilante.

A few hours later Panam sends a picture of V in the nomad camp, sitting at a bench with Mitch as he teaches her how to reinforce the weak spots in the bulky synth leather jacket she's been wearing everywhere lately.

A few hours after that, V stops by with chocolate bar and an apology. Judy didn't need either, but is appreciative.

Rita and Mateo take Judy out for drinks at the Afterlife of all places. She sends V some texts, but doesn't remember much beyond that.

Apparently she got hauled out after trying to defend her output's honor when the bartender made disparaging remarks about V's inability to take turns. Judy gets a text the next day from an unknown number thanking Judy for the heads up, whatever that means.

Later that night, Judy gets a picture from V and her racing buddy. They got first place in a street race after Claire started calling out the turns for her.

V likes to point out that she may never be tech savvy like Judy, but at least she isn't trying to use text messages to search for good restaurants like Goro does. Judy is all too happy to laugh at the corpo man, still uneasy about how quickly he snaps at her output when inconvenienced. Judy stresses to V to keep her guard up around Takemura, and V acquiesces with a kiss.

Judy hasn't met River, but Judy doesn't like him all the same. Badges are badges, even if V swears he's on the level. It probably doesn't hurt that even V is picking up on his awkward flirting.

When V introduces her to Skippy, Judy is more than a little disturbed. Judy digs out a shotgun from the depths of her basement at Lizzie's, and V promises to put it to good use. If it keeps that weird pistol out of her hands, Judy will be a happy woman.

River's jacket is hideous, but his jambalaya is nova. The dinner V invited her to is awkward, but she appreciates how River only falters for a moment when V proudly introduces Judy as her output. Maybe (former) badges can be ok after all.

V invites her into her weapon cache for the first time, proudly showing off her collection of unique weapons on the wall. Nibbles attacks their ankles as they walk past, and V is embarrassed that she forgot to mention she has a cat now.

Judy asks about the strange dildo shaped baton crammed behind some crates in the room, and V staunchly refuses to talk about it. It was before Konpeki, and she is not proud of how she completely misread (but still went along with) the situation. Judy vows to find out more about that some other day.

They grab takeout and watch trash TV. Nibbles decides Judy is now her favorite, and drapes herself over Judy's chest at her earliest convenience. V is not jealous, at all.

Sometimes, V slips when talking to Johnny and speaks out loud to him. Or maybe it's him speaking out loud. Judy is quietly terrified of what that might mean.

[graphicallysam]

Para:: The First Time Ever I Saw Your Face

Who: Sam and Mercedes

When: First Day of School 2010

Where: WMHS Halls

What: Samcedes meet for the first time

Stepping off of the bus, Sam looked up at his new school with a sigh. The bus had been noisy and crowded, and from the looks of all of the students pouring into imposing building, that was going to change as his day went on. Immediately, he missed the  He tightened his grip on the strap of his backpack and looked down at the worn paper in his hand even though he’d memorized most of its content. He headed up the stairs, narrowly missing being rammed into by a guy trying to catch a football. Sam glared a little and shook head. He already missed his smaller school back in Tennessee.

He narrowed his blueish-green eyes as he passed by lockers, looking for his own which was in a separate hall altogether he realized belatedly. He finally managed to find his numbered metal container and put his combination in just as a girl walked over to hers, catching his eye. He paused and took in her curvy form and unique style. She didn’t dress like any girls he’d known, but he liked what she was wearing. “Nice shoes,” he said, glancing down at her sneakers. They were really awesome.

Mercedes had just taken off her headphones as she headed to her locker. The first day of school was always like a zoo.  She was humming softly, oblivious to nearly everything until she heard someone speak to her.  She turned and was stunned slightly as she saw the very cute guy that seemed to be looking at her. That was something that never happened. “Huh, oh? My shoes? Thanks.” She smiled brightly.  Mercedes was an avid sneaker lover and these particular ones were blue, red, and black and made her think of Spiderman.

“Are you new?” She asked him after a few seconds of getting her lock open, not recognizing the face, because she would’ve definitely remembered a face like that.  She had lived in Lima all her life and knew mostly everyone that had gone to school in the same system.

When she turned to fully look at him, it kind of felt like time stopped. It was like one of those moments in a cheesy romance movie where the two characters are like staring at one another and all of the people are walking past them in slow motion. It was a really weird feeling to have, one he'd never experienced. He smiled at her thanks and tried to think of something funny to say, but the only thing he could think to say was “you're welcome, little lady,” like Elvis even though he rarely did impressions of Elvis. He cringed internally and fought the urge to bang his head against the locker door.

She started opening her own, granting him a moment of reprieve for which he was grateful. Then she looked at him again like she was studying his face before she asked if he was new. “Oh...uh...yeah, my family moved her from Tennessee in July. I kinda spent the summer working on getting rid of my accent so I didn't sound like some kind of hick you Yankees.” Why was he so nervous? He felt really nervous, and he knew he was nervous because he couldn't stop rambling. He had to physically force his mouth shut for a moment to get himself to stop. “I'm...I’m Sam…”

Mercedes thought her cheeks would explode she was smiling so much. His voice was so sweet, and she even let out a chuckle at the Elvis impersonation. It was pretty dead on actually.  Even the way he kept talking was adorable! He was a new kid at a new school and he thought he had a weird accent, how did this cutie end up talking to her of all people?  She began pulling things out of her black and purple plaid backpack, getting her locker the way she liked it.  She had a purple framed magnetic mirror for checking her hair throughout the day, then she began to put up her various magnets. Music notes, Storm and Gambit from X-Men, Captain America, Iron Man, Thor, and Spider-Man. She used the magnets to hold up the pictures of her friends and family.

“Hi Sam. Welcome to Lima,” she beamed. “I’m Mercedes, and yes, like the car.  Also, don’t lose your accent, you don’t sound like a hick.  Makes you sound unique, which is a good thing.” That was something she struggled with a little, but she was slowly realizing that there was nothing wrong with being different than people expected.

His eyes widened as she pulled the magnets out of her book bag. He hadn't wanted to bring his, unsure of what the other students would be like, but seeing hers, he felt kind of silly and very impressed. “Where’d you get those magnets? They're…” his voice hit a twang, and he cleared his throat. “They're really awesome. Are you into comic books? Because I've never met a girl that was really into them. Usually they just like Thor and Iron Man because they think they're hot and stuff.” He blushed when she called him unique and nodded.

“I got most of them online, but my big brother took me to the Wizard Con in Columbus this summer and I got these really awesome Storm ones there. She’s my favorite superhero hands down.” She had tried to hide her geekiness once she got to high school, but her best friend told her people need to learn to accept each other as they were instead of being fake, so here she was, letting her geekiness be free.  She wrinkled her nose a little and hoped he wasn’t one of those guys that didn’t think girls could actually like this kind of stuff.  “I do like comic books, and Thor is extremely hot. I don’t care for Iron Man like that, but I respect his skills.  Even though Black Panther is richer and smarter, but most people don’t realize that.”

She tilted her head slightly as she looked at him. His ears were a little red, which was weird, but in a cute way.  “So what grade are you in Sam?” She was curious if she would have him in any of her classes.

“What’s Wizard Con? Is it like Comic Con? Because I've always wanted to go to that,” he admitted, feeling himself starting to relax. “I think Storm is one of the best X-Men. I really like Wolverine.” So she knew her stuff. That was kind of refreshing. She was beautiful and geeky, and Sam found himself wanting to linger in their conversation. “I never thought about Black Panther. I didn't really read those comic books, but that's true!” He shifted on his feet and leaned against the lockers. “I'm in the 10th grade. What about you, Mercedes?” he asked, trying out her name on his tongue.

“Yes it is. I’d love to go to Comic-Con one day, but that’s a lot of money to save up since it’s in California.  Wizard Con is closer and they have cool booths and panels, and there are so many cosplayers.” She was very pleased to hear he liked Storm too, most guys liked Jean Grey or even Mystique. It was nice to talk to someone that knew stuff without talking down to her like she knew nothing.  When he said her name she felt her face get really warm and her stomach did a weird wavy, flip-flop thing. She wasn’t quite sure what to make of it, it was a completely new and weird feeling and it was a bit scary.  “Oh, cool, me too,” she said quietly, her voice sounding weird to her own ears.  “Uhm, do you know where your classes are?” Which was a dumb thing to ask. Of course he didn’t know, he was new! She really wanted to take that sentence back, but it was too late now.

“Next time Wizard Con is going on, you should let me know. I mean, if you want. We could maybe go together?” He framed it as a question so that she could decline if she wanted to. Then he realized it sounded like a date. He hadn't meant to ask her on a date, but he also didn't mind the idea of taking her on a date. It was all kind of confusing. “No, I don't know where like...any of my classes are. They don't give you a tour when you're new.” He was actually a little worried about it.

“Okay. I don’t see why not, as long as our parents are okay with it.  My brother was the one that drove last year, and it’s just under 2 hours away.” She didn’t even register his question in terms of a date, she just figured he wanted to go see all the cool comic stuff. Besides, she couldn’t date yet, per her daddy.  Which was no big deal anyway, guys at this school weren’t into her like that. She shook her head as she closed her locker. This school was a mess, no kind of orientation for new students? “Well, it looks like I am going to be your McKinley High tour guide then.  What’s your first class?”

Sam cleared his throat, smiling a little when she offered to be his tour guide. “Um...I have English.” He handed his schedule over to the girl so that she could see his classes. “Are the teachers here...nice? I'm supposed to meet with the guidance counselor this afternoon to go over my success plan.” He really hated that he wouldn't have teachers he knew and who knew him and his learning style.

She took the offered schedule and gave it a quick once over as they began to head down the hall. “Your schedule actually looks decent.  You might want to try and get out of Mr. Jennings Geometry class though. He has a tendency to do pop quizzes a lot. Most people barely get out of his class with a C.” She looked up at him and smiled.  “Our guidance counselor is really nice, a little quirky, but she’ll make sure you get the right fit with everything.”

He stepped closer to her to avoid walking into another student, feeling hyper aware when their arms brusher together. She seemed unfazed by the crowded hall, and he tried to imitate that. “Thanks for showing me around,” he said as they turned the corner. “You don't have to, though. I'm sure I could figure it all out. I don't wanna take up your time.”

“I know Ohio isn’t the south, but we have good hospitality here too,” she teased. She was used to being bumped into in the hallways by other people, but she was entirely too aware of Sam’s closeness.  He smelled really good.  “I don’t mind, I like helping people.  I’d feel like a huge jerk if you got lost.”  She stopped by the door of his English class.  “Each hall is a different subject for the most part, so if you can remember which hall you should be good to go.  Obviously, we’re in the English hall right now, science is to the left and math is to the right, that should get you through until lunch, and you probably go to see the counselor after that.” She handed him back his schedule. “If you see me at lunch, you should come say hi.”  Not bad Mercedes, an open invitation that didn’t sound like ‘OMG sit with me at lunch you gorgeous southern fried cutie!’.

Sam was pretty sure he’d made his first friend at McKinley, and he was kind of impressed with himself, especially since it was a pretty girl. He gave her a smile as he took back his schedule and nodded. “Yeah, I will. Thanks for showing me around, Mercedes,” he said when they were stopped in front of his class. He wanted to talk to her some more, but then a bell rang. “I should probably head in there…” he said with a little shrug.

“No problem. If you need help with anything else, you know where my locker is,” she smiled. When the bell rang she waved at him and headed off to her own class.  She hoped she would get to see him at lunch, or maybe he’d be in one of her classes. He seemed like a really nice guy, and it would be cool to have a friend she could geek out with about Marvel.

[foslad]

Almost Too Good (A Chris Evans Story) Part 13

A/N:WHEN THE LAPTOP YOU HAD FIXED EXPLODES ENTIRELY AFTER A GREEN TEA SPILLAGE SITUATION AND YOU’RE TOO DIRT POOR IN THE LEAD UP TO CHRISTMAS SO YOU CAN’T BUY A NEW ONE BUT THEN ONE JANUARY DAY YOUR BROTHER LEAVES HIS LAPTOP AT YOURS OVERNIGHT SO YOU SWOOP IN THERE. IF ANYONE IS STILL HERE OR EVEN CARES, THANK YOU, I LOVE YOU AND YOUR PATIENCE. Trust me, I HATE it when people disappear without updates JUST as much as you! The self-loathing is real, am I right Adrian?

Anyway, here’s a super duper long Part 13.

----------------------------------------------------

‘Eh voila! Fits like a glove.’ Jean-Pierre gushed as he followed me out of the bathroom and back into the hotel room.

‘Oh it’s perfect Jean, exactly what we were hoping for.’ Carol gushed as she picked up the pair of glasses that she had dangling around her neck to take a closer look.

‘Works wit zee whole theme parfactly.’ Dana gushed from his seat in the corner.

I felt as though if I heard anymore gushing, I was going to be sick.

Sick all over the most beautiful gown that I should’ve been gushing over myself because it truly was the most stunning piece I’d ever seen.

Although in reality, the sickness couldn’t be blamed on them or the dress. It had been following me around all week. Sick with nerves. Sick with regret. Sick with anxiety. Just… sick.

Two weeks had passed at a snail’s pace but finally the launch party would be upon us the next evening and my custom dress was to die for.

A beautiful metallic wrap top dress that tied behind my neck with a flowing, intricately beaded, chiffon skirt that shimmered in the light. I was cinched into it within an inch of my life and whilst admittedly my waist looked tiny from every angle, it naturally meant that my lung capacity was reduced to a minimum.

When I had informed Jean of its slightly... tight nature, I was met with,

‘There’s no room for breathing in the world of fashion. It takes up too much time.’ I nodded and faked a laugh, knowing deep down that he wasn’t joking and that I wouldn’t be breathing anytime soon.

After a few more twirls, everyone seemed content with the final product and, like always, ran away in their own languages to discuss the rest of the details for tomorrow.

I carefully picked up the bottom of the dress and turned myself around, making my way back into the makeshift changing room/bathroom/clothes bomb zone.

As I unchanged, I left the door open at a small crack and tried to make out any indication as to what they were saying. I swear, sometimes I think Fashion is a language in itself. It’s somewhere between Italian, French, German and Eminem Rap God level of speed, with a dash of organised mayhem for luck.

I threw back on the loose cami dress and sweater that had served me well all day and with one look in the mirror, pushed my hair up into a bun and sighed.

How was I even going to get through tomorrow?

------

The day I got back from Chris’, Amy made me call Amanda and explain my actions.

‘What, the actual, fuck, Adrian… You do realise you come off as a total asshole if you go through with this?’

‘Thank you Amanda. The thought hadn’t even crossed my mind.’

‘Adrian, as your friend I have to be honest, you need a break. See your folks or something. Clearly you’re losing your mind.’

‘Amanda!’

‘What!? You’re the one dumping the one guy that’s made you happy in forever even though he’s literally done nothing wrong.’

‘Look, I know what I’m doing. Sometimes female friends see things that others don’t…’

I sighed and reflected back on a time I tried not to think of that often. One of Alex’s ex-best friends was a girl and she had been the one to come to me and tell me that my boyfriend of 6 years had been seeing his co-star behind my back. But me being the girlfriend and her being close to him, I, of course, thought she was lying and was jealous. Turns out, as I discovered when I flew home early from filming and caught him in our bed with his co-star, she wasn’t lying at all.

‘Adrian, you know what needs to happen don’t you?’

‘Amanda I’m not going to-‘

‘You need to talk to him. Communicate. He’s not an 18 year old fuck boy. He’s a grown man and if you’re honest with him then I’m sure he’ll be honest back. You just tell him you’re a relationship girl who has been fucked over before and if all he wants is to fool around then you wish him luck but he’s wasting his time because he’s not going to get that from you. That’s it, that’s all you needed to do.’

I left the line silent for a second as I let her words sink in. I knew that she was right. Why was I having such a hard time just talking to him? Why wasn’t it that easy?

As I sat in thought, Amy decided to give her two cents.

‘Amanda I have known you as long as I’ve known Adrian and that may well be the best piece of advice I’ve ever heard you give. Good for you. I didn’t know you had that in you.’ Half sarcasm, half genuine impression.

----

As I stood there staring at my reflection, I realized I was beginning to confuse even myself. I had never come across this form of self-destruction before. Even I knew I made no sense.

‘Ve’re off, ve’ll see you tomara Adrian!’ Dana called suddenly from the other side of the door, causing me to jump in fright.

‘Okay, sure! See you then!’

----

As I rode the elevator down to the venue and the flashes of the paparazzi beckoned, I no longer felt the tightness of the dress or the sick feeling. I felt so consumed by it all, I had somehow come out of the other side.

My day had been spent mostly in hair and make-up and, save for when someone from the Gucci team cropped open a window to puff their cigarette smoke out, I hadn’t been outside or smelt the fresh air at all since 7am.

The launch was being held in a function room at the St Regis Hotel and Gucci had offered to put me and a plus one up in the hotel and then my hair and make-up team in one around the corner for the night. Likewise, I imagine they’d done the same for Chris.

Not that I would know for sure.

Aside from a questioning message about if I had gotten back to New York okay and some other texts on his part (that I couldn’t bring myself to respond to), it had practically been radio silence between us these past two weeks. And as much as it was my fault and as much as I pretended to Amy that I didn’t care and that it was for the best. I hated it.

Since meeting, we had never gone this long without speaking to each other and I could feel the gap it had left in my everyday routine. No late night phone calls about our days, no simple texts of asking the other about what they were up to as an excuse to talk. No ‘I miss you’’s.

That one got me the most.

Because I did miss him.

------

There was a makeshift red carpet set out beside the entrance and I could see a model I recognized from a different Gucci advertisement that was displayed about a block away from my apartment working the cameras.

As soon as I had stepped out of the elevator, the buzzing atmosphere hit me.

A woman with a headset placed her hand on the small of my back and guided me towards the press.

I gave smiling interview after interview about how, ‘It’s a wonderfully light fragrance. It really gives off a sense of confidence without being overpowering. I think it’s an incredibly feminine mystique scent.’

All the questions had steered more or less along the same direction and I could feel myself talking as though I were on auto-pilot.

After over an hour of spewing the same gobbledegook about the perfume, I sent Amy a glance of relief as we approached a woman in red. The last interview was in sight and I was desperate to get inside, it was starting to get cold next to this entrance.

‘So tell me, what was it like working with Chris Evans?’

Just the sound of someone strange asking me about Chris threw me for a loop.

I had half expected it but it was still surprising to me.

‘Oh, it was..’ My mind was blanking. It was as though I had been flat out asked if we were dating or something. I had to somehow maintain my enthusiasm without giving anything away.

‘.. a great experience. He’s a very talented guy. I really enjoyed...’ Not too much Adrian, not too much. ‘…it all. Yeah. A great project to have been a part of, I feel very lucky.’

She smiled wide at me and seemed to accept my answer and, thankfully, proceeded on with her questioning.

If I could’ve, I would’ve jogged away from that press ring in delight at the prospect of sweet freedom. The press was one of the main obligations of the night and the rest was just to be spent schmoozing and dilly dallying with the fashion elite who had turned up.

The actual function room itself was the most beautiful and rich looking room I’d ever seen; if it could even be narrowed down as a room. There were huge crystal chandeliers that reminded me of the ones from Beauty and the Beast and marble columns that went right up to the ceiling with gigantic arched windows that were draped in lavish velvet curtains. Flowers were everywhere and waiters and waitresses there to cater to everyone’s needs. The entrance placed you with three ways to go, left to a marble staircase that led down to the main ballroom part where most people were stood mingling with drinks, straight ahead towards an inside open top balcony that looked down upon the ballroom or right, where I didn’t pay much attention to but it seemed as though it held more party related things.

I couldn’t deny that as soon as I had stepped foot inside the party, my eyes searched for one person and one person only and as I made my way over to the balcony and looked out over the ballroom, it didn’t take long to spot my target amidst the sea of others.

There was nothing I could do to stop my breathing from hitching slightly as I eyed him up as he stood talking to a group of men I didn’t recognize.

I could practically smell his freshness from here. He looked so good. An all-black suit adorned his body, a black shirt that was undone by a couple of buttons, black shoes, groomed hair and a glorious smile that made me swoon without trying.

I hadn’t realized Amy had appeared at my side until she followed my line of sight and spoke up.

‘Aren’t you going to go over?’

I continued to watch him smile and laugh lightly with those around him and I realized that I didn’t deserve to go over there and ruin it just yet.

‘He uh, he seems busy. I’ll just catch him, later.’ I mumbled, blinking for the first time in a while and reluctantly turning my back to him to face Amy. She was holding two champagne glasses and I accepted one, taking an immediate gulp as a means of distracting myself from her piercing glare.

‘You didn’t talk to him like we told you to, did you.’ It wasn’t a question. It was a statement.

A true statement.

I closed my eyes and prepared my defense case but I knew myself I didn’t have much to go on.

‘I was going to.. I j-‘

‘You are unbelievable sometimes. You know that?’ Her tone was a little sharp and fed up and I could feel my body jolt in surprise.

‘You know what, maybe you shouldn’t go over there because if I was him, I’d be pissed too.’

Part of me felt I should be offended and the other part of me wanted to be offended. But how can I stand here and be offended by… the truth?

We didn’t dwell in our sourness for long, as two gents from the Gucci board joined us and began asking me about my filming experience.

They talked to me for quite some time and every so often I could feel my eyes draw behind them to see if I could spot Chris but my position wasn’t ideal for sight-seeing. The last time I was able to properly see, he had still been in the same position, only a couple more people appeared to have joined their conversation; a middle-aged gent and the model from the carpet earlier.

When I was finally released from the grips of conversation, having excused myself to the restroom, I breathed a sigh of composure at the intensity of talking about fashion for so long. I loved it, truly, but my brain wasn’t in the right frame of mind for it right now.  

As I made my way past people and towards the crowded stair case, I couldn’t help myself from glancing down and reviewing the familiar spot.

He was still there. Laughing and talking. Only everyone had gone. Except for model girl.

I called her ‘girl’ because she looked all of about 18 and was as skinny as could be.

But she was pretty…

And her eyes seemed to light up anytime Chris payed her the slightest bit of attention by laughing at something she said or in turn flinging her head back as she laughed at him.

Although somewhat reassuringly, I could see in Chris’ facial expressions that he was just humoring her. He seemed somewhat distracted and every now and then, when he had her caught up in laughter, would glance around his surroundings and I knew deep down that he was probably looking for me.

I wasn’t sure how long I’d stood there before the inevitable happened and his eyes looked away from her again and around to my area. It was like Déjà vu from his LA party…

Slowly his eyes traced the area around me, eventually settling on the weirdo on the stairs who wasn’t even bothering to hide her staring.

And it was there that the comparisons to the party stopped.

He didn’t break out into a huge smile. He didn’t immediately excuse himself from the company he was in. He didn’t run over and hug me.

Instead, he appeared to blink a few times, to make sure it was me, before turning back to model girl and allowing her to finish whatever she was talking about. Ouch.

I’d have been lying if I said his rejection didn’t feel like someone had just walked up to me and nonchalantly stabbed me in the stomach as they climbed the stairs.

The wind had been knocked out of me and there was nobody to blame but myself.

‘If I was him, I’d be pissed too.’

Amy’s words echoed in my head and I could see now that she was right. Had I really expected him to just waltz up to me and act like I hadn’t just cut contact with him with no explanation or forewarning?

Yes.

I lifted one leg up, ready to turn around and admit defeat when I caught a glimpse of the upstairs and behind where I had been stood with my back turned with Amy.

Huge twelve feet tall posters of Chris and I were everywhere. Close up shots of us in compromising positions from the shoot were being looked at and admired by the hundreds of strangers around me. Ones of us looking at each other, ones of him looking at me…

As I gazed at them, my mind was instantly transported back to the shoot. How professional the pictures looked and yet, I remembered fondly how we couldn’t contain our laughter that day. Chris had made fun of the fact that when I was ‘forced’ to smile, I looked as though I’d ‘just been introduced to my new stepmother who was years younger than me and I was trying to be polite but feeling beyond pained’. I had tried to act offended but anytime he caught me faking a smile his face would crease up in the most beautiful way and he’d laugh so heartily, I couldn’t help but join in.

I looked at them now and it was as though I was being mocked. Look at what you could’ve had if you hadn’t gone and messed it up idiot.

As remorseful as I felt, the pictures had ignited something in me and for the first time in probably our entire friendship, I decided I was going to take Amanda’s advice. I had to talk to him.

I pivoted on the spot and apologized to people as I lightly knocked into them on my way down the stairs.

On my way down I didn’t bother to actually make a note of where he was specifically and as soon as I was on the ground floor, I realized that there was far too many people to actually see him.

Undeterred, I began to slowly make my way in the general direction of where I remembered seeing him and sure enough, after a few polite ‘hello’s’ and ‘thank you so much’s’ to people complimenting me on the campaign on my way, the back of a familiar head came into view.

I hadn’t noticed that any nerves I’d felt had been turned into adrenaline. Adrenaline that had carried me all the way over here and now that I was here, had suddenly dispersed.

The model girl spotted me first and smiled as though she couldn’t believe her luck that both actor stars of the new campaign wanted to talk to her.

‘Oh my God, I love your dress!’ She preached. ‘Is it custom? It must be!’ She reached forward and grasped part of the beaded detailing on the skirt and ran her fingers over it.

Despite the fact she had very little personal space boundaries, I deduced that she was harmless and took this opportunity to look at Chris properly.

He didn’t seem shocked by sudden appearance and had been watching her touch my dress too. He looked up from the girl and met my gaze as we both soaked each other in. I wasn’t sure about him, but I could almost feel myself sinking with the weight of everything I wanted to say to him right now.

But this was neither the time nor the place.

As model girl dropped my dress, she must’ve noticed the way Chris and I were looking at each other, clearly needing to talk, and quietly excused herself.  Not that we noticed.

Instead we continued to look at each other, our eyes willing the other to go first.

Chris broke first. He shook his head, skipped the pleasantries and just got right into it.

‘What happened to you Adrian? I don’t understand. Why’d you flake out on me?’ His voice wasn’t accusing. In fact, it was quiet and hurt almost.

His tone shocked me and I felt like I didn’t have the comeback it deserved. So I reluctantly continued to fester in my lie.

‘I-I didn’t, I had a meeting...’

‘I’m not an idiot Adrian.’ Now he was being firm. Quiet but firm. ‘I could tell something was up in the bedroom that night at my Mom’s. It was like you didn’t want me anywhere near you. And then you just, what… disappeared from the face of the earth? Was that because of a ‘meeting’ too?’

I looked at him for a second, not knowing what to say yet having everything I needed to say.

I could see over his shoulder and the fact that Dana had spotted us and was now fast approaching. There wasn’t much point in trying to get into an explanation, no matter how badly I wanted to.

He appeared from behind and slightly startled Chris as he put a hand on his shoulder in greeting.

‘Adrian, Chris, come, ve must take a pickture!’ Dana cheered. ‘Reunited.’

Like magic, a photographer for the event appeared out of nowhere and placed the camera in front of his face. Despite feeling slightly startled and still feeling very sick, I placed my arm around Dana and felt Chris’ do the same from the other side.  

‘Ve didn’t chat properly yesterday Adrian. Vat have you both been up to? Anything nice?’ He asked, glancing between us as he ushered the photographer away and began to sip on his drink, completely oblivious to everything that had happened between Chris and I. Chris hadn’t made eye contact with me since Dana had arrived and I was beginning to feel like I didn’t belong in this nice fancy dress and was better suited to being a dirt spot on someone’s shoe.

When neither of us were quick enough to speak up, Dana moved on to a topic he actually cared to talk about. Leaning in, he beckoned our ears closer as though he was about to tell us a secret.

‘You didn’t hear it from me, but zee head team lave it, I think ve vill get another couple of deals from zis.’ He practically beamed and I couldn’t help but feel elated at the news as well. I returned his smile and let out a ‘That’s great news!’

We both turned to Chris expectantly and I could feel my elation drop as he put on the ‘forced’ smile he’d shown me as a means of making me feel better about my own at the shoot, and let out a collected ‘… cool’. I could tell it was more for Dana’s benefit than my own.

It was then that Dana began to eye us suspiciously but despite being a fabulous director, he clearly wasn’t great at multi-tasking as he appeared to recognize someone behind us and immediately forgot about the tension that had befallen his two leading stars and instead began clicking his fingers in greeting as he made his way over to them.

‘Ciao for now dah-lings!’ He called back.

I couldn’t continue on like this. As soon as he was gone, I leapt into action.

‘Can we go somewhere and talk, please?’

‘Oh so now you wanna talk? The past two weeks not been a good time?’ He commented before walking past me, leaving me glued to the spot, stunned.

I think he’s showing you that it’s not a nice feeling being ignored.

I watched as he walked about ten meters away before halting, heaving his shoulders in a sigh and turning around to make his way back over to me.

‘A’rite’ He sighed, giving in. ‘What’s your room number?’

I could feel my eyes light up at his sudden change of heart. ‘48A.’

‘I’ll meet you there in ten.’ He whispered before actually walking past me this time.

----

I thanked God that I had somehow crept up to the floor without running into anyone. Considering how many people were at this function, it was a borderline miracle.

As I got to my door, I thought about what I was about to do and for the first time in what felt like forever, I wasn’t nervous or scared. I wanted it to happen. I wanted us to talk.

The longer I waited the more I could feel the nerves begin to creep up but I knew it was mostly anticipation.

As soon as a light knock resonated in the room I practically flew across to it.

‘Did I disturb you?’

‘No, no, come on in.’ I moved aside and allowed him room to enter.

I centered my mind and tried to remember how grateful he’d been when I was honest about the pictures of him and Grace. If I owed him anything, I owed him that honesty.

I closed the door and shuffled straight towards the window located on the other side and stared at the view in a bid to gather my thoughts.

Just turn around and speak your mind coherently. Okay?

‘What do you want?’ Or it could just tumble out…

‘Eh?’ He called back from his position beside the door.

‘From this.’ I pointed back and forth between us; which didn’t have much of an effect of unity seeing as though we were on opposite ends of the room.

He shot me a confused look as he stuck his hands in his pockets, waiting for me to clarify what I meant.

Shaking my head, I decided to start over.

‘Okay, I’ll talk and you just…’ I walked over and placed my hands on his arms and guided him to sit down on the bed. ‘… listen, for a sec.’

‘Adrian, what are you doing?’

‘No talking! Just listening.’

I took a deep breath and closed my eyes.

‘I feel like… I don’t know what you want.’ I repeated, to which he raised an eyebrow in response.

‘Look, I get it, you wanted this to be something casual and I can appreciate that.’ I continued. ‘But I don’t do casual. I never have and I probably never will. So if it’s casual you want then I wish you luck because you’re not going to get that from me.’ All of my pent up anxiety about this conversation had caused my voice to sound breathy, like I’d run a marathon or something.

He stared up at me as he processed what I was saying.

Even the couple of seconds of silence was killing me. I couldn’t handle it. I needed him to say something. So I continued on.

‘I thought it best to just, get that out in the open before this went any further. I know, I know, I should’ve said it at the start but at least this way we can… stay friends?’

This caused him to stare at me as though I had three heads.

‘Adrian, what the heck!?’ He asked incredulously as, to my delight, a smile crept onto his face. ‘Where did this come from?’

‘My brain.’ I confessed meekly.

‘I think you’re… overthinking this slightly. I’m pretty sure everyone dates “casually” (he gestured his hands in air quotes) in the beginning…’ He stood up so that I now had to look up at him. ‘It’s the things that happen after that make it more serious.’ He picked up a curl off of my shoulder and began to twirl it around his finger.

This time it was my turn to stay quiet and have him lead.

‘I may have said casual but I didn’t mean caaasual as in, let’s go and see other people, I meant casual as in, you know, no pressure. Long distance is tough enough as it is without one complaining about when they are going to see the other. It’s always better to just keep it light in those situations. That’s all I was saying.’

A small smile crept across my face.

‘You sure? You’re not gonna dump me for a Barbie doll in a months’ time who lives closer and puts out easily?’

This time he really did laugh. ‘What are you even talking about now!? Why would I do that?’

When he noticed I wasn’t laughing with him and that I clearly wasn’t joking, his mind seemed to click.

‘Adrian, what are you not telling me?’

I didn’t want to start drama. I HATED drama. These people were his friends and I didn’t want to be the one to cause a rift between them.

‘Nothing.’

‘Adrian, come on now.’ He let go of my hair and placed his hands on either side of my arms and looked me directly in the eye. ‘We have to be able to talk to each other about these things. It’s not good to pent things up. Otherwise you’re going to end up in a hotel room being told things you had no idea were a problem in the first place.’ He relayed, shedding light on his current situation. ‘Cause I’ll be honest, I’m standing here racking my brains thinking about what I could’ve possibly done to put these thoughts in your head and I’m coming up short.’

It wasn’t you. You haven’t done anything.

I pulled away and sat down on the bed with my hands twisted together in my lap. I suddenly felt ashamed that I had let someone else’s words taint his.

‘I may have overheard a conversation that I wish I hadn’t…’ I started, as I looked at the floor and bit the inner corner of my cheek as I thought back on it.

He quickly sat beside me and mimicked my body posture. ‘Go on…’

‘I think a direct quote was “an up and coming nobody who we all know is just a bit of fun for him”.’

His face was stony as he asked who had said that. ‘Someone who knows you better than I do.’

‘Adrian, this business we’re in. It’s all bullshit. People don’t like to see happiness. They like to see what they want to see.’ He unattached his fingers and reached over to take my hand and bring it back to his lap to be encased by the other one on top. ‘So of course they’re going to want to write articles about ex’s and of course they’re going to want to spread lies or dig up the past. That’s fine, let them be hateful. The key is to not listen to them.’

‘I know. You’re right.’ I conceded. ‘But I didn’t hear that in a magazine…’

His eyes traced mine and I could tell he was confused. ‘Then where did you hear it?’

I closed my eyes and bit my lip, already feeling regretful of what I was about to say.

‘Poppy.’

‘What?’

‘I heard it from Poppy.’

He didn’t say anything, instead he just chose to stare at me as though I must’ve been mistaken.

‘The night they came around to your Mom’s, when I was there, I was on my way back out to the rest of you when I heard her talking to Shauna in the kitchen about how all you do is date “bimbos” and she didn’t care to get to know me because I was going to be “gone in a couple of months” and that, like I said, I was “an up and coming nobody who is just a bit of fun for you”.’ 

It felt hurtful all over again and I felt embarrassed regaling it to Chris, who had decided to remain silent about it.

I didn’t try to fill the silence, instead deciding to let him process it at his own speed.

Eventually, he furrowed his brows and spoke up.

‘Why didn’t you tell me at the time?’

‘Because… these people are your friends and I didn’t know what to do. I felt humiliated.’ I confessed.

‘Is this why you’ve been ignoring me?’

I shrugged my shoulders before giving a pathetic nod.

He nodded himself as he once again retreated to his mind to process things. He pulled away and stood up as he thought about it.

The silence was killing me.

‘Please don’t hate me.’

He immediately looked down at me before re-taking his spot next to me on the bed.

‘I don’t hate you Adrian. That’s crazy talk. I just… wish you’d told me before taking their word for it.’ I could hear it in his voice again. He was hurt.

‘I know, I know. I just managed to convince myself that they knew you better than me and I just-‘ I paused, debating on whether or not to finish my sentence. ‘-didn’t want to get hurt again.’

His facial expression told me that he’d picked up on the ‘again’ part but he didn’t push it. Instead, he sighed.

‘Look, Adrian. From where I’m stood, you can either listen to Poppy, a jealous hater who will tell you I’m a womanizer who is incapable of settling down or you can listen to me…’ He leaned his face in close to mine. ‘… who will tell you that that is the biggest pile of crap I’ve ever heard.’

I looked at him as I took his words in before my face began to rise and I allowed myself to let out a little laugh as Chris raised a little smile himself.

‘You know, now that I think about it, Shauna did look pretty guilty when I went back out to them without you after I’d gone to check up on you.’

‘Shauna’s great! I really liked her.’ I assured, clamping my hands on his arm for emphasis. The feel of his hard bicep was enough to melt away any problems we had in my books.

‘What will you do about it?’ I asked hesitantly, hoping he would just let the whole thing go.

‘About Poppy?’ I nodded. ‘Eh, I’ll figure something out. She’s never really been my favorite.’

‘Then why are you friends with her?’

‘Honestly? She was a buddy of mine’s girlfriend, Owen. We went to high school together and everything, real close and he uh, he passed a couple of years ago in an accident and we always felt bad for her and felt as though he wouldn’t want us to just… give up on her. So we let her hang around.’

‘That’s really sweet of you.’ He was so perfect. Why had I listened to them!?

‘Yeah, well… not for much longer.’ He mused with a laugh.

‘Oh God.’ I groaned as I ran my hand down my face, feeling bad to have come between him and friends.

‘Don’t feel bad. You’re doing me a favor. It’s all good.’

I let my hand fall to my lap off of my face and watched him as he calculated something in his head.

I leant forward and placed my chin on his shoulder and whispered in his ear.

‘Thank you for talking to me.’ I spoke sincerely. I felt so much better and I knew I owed Amy and Amanda an apology for having ignored their advice for so long.

He turned his head in my direction to his shoulder before reaching down and picking up my hand and giving it a quick but sweet kiss.

‘We better head back down before they fire us both for playing hooky at our own party.’

‘No you go first, I’ll be down in a second, I just have to check my makeup.’

‘Alright, I’ll see you down there.’ He said and got up to give me one last lingering look before fixing his hair and jacket in the mirror and exiting the room.

I didn’t want to bother Talia, my regular makeup girl, who was probably downstairs enjoying herself so I made my way over to my own bag to see what I could use to top up my lips with.

----

As I gazed at the plethora of finger food they had on spread I frowned. This dress was so tight I could barely breathe, never mind intake a single calorie. I noticed Amy didn’t eat anything either because, in her words, ‘I don’t eat anything I can’t pronounce’ and there was plenty of foreign food on display.

After I had gotten back downstairs, I couldn’t spot Chris nor had I seen him since, but I was well aware that our absence meant that we had a lot of schmoozing to make up for.

As bougie and as lovely as the opulence of this party had been, by 9:30 I had resigned myself to death by starvation and lack of oxygen intake. My powwow with Chris had taken a lot of emotion out of me and so I could feel myself start to zone out in a tired and deprived state.

Never the less, with Amy by my side, I persevered on for the grand total of another half an hour before letting officials know that I would be calling it a night. They all told me what a fabulous job I’d done and how stunning I looked tonight and I thanked them one more time for choosing me for this campaign.

Back in the room, Amy instantly kicked off her heels and I followed suit, wanting nothing more than to get this beautiful death trap off of me.

We’d only been back in the room for five minutes before a knock befell the room.

‘Will you get that?’ I asked Amy as I attempted to unzip the dress from my position in the bathroom. I had undone the buttons at the back that restricted my midriff so airflow was back in business for me.

‘Sure.’

Not two seconds later did she call back in a sing song voice that it was for me. Abandoning my post at the sink, I walked around corner and could feel myself light up as I saw Chris and his assistant Jake on the other side.

‘You guys wanna grab some real food?’

I smiled at them and looked back at Amy, biting my entire lip in anticipation.

‘Food?’ I asked.

Before I could even finish, she had grabbed her bag and key card and was out the door. ‘FOOD.’ She called.

I decided not to bother changing otherwise I would have held everyone up so I just threw on a jumper Amy had with her over the top to hide the unbuttoned hooks at the back and slipped on the pair of tennis shoes I wore earlier to the hotel. Sure I stood out like a sore thumb, but this is New York after all.

Forty minutes later, having rounded up a couple more hungry troops, Amy, Talia, a couple of people from Chris’ team I didn’t know, Jake, Chris and I all sat around a rustic Italian restaurant that stayed open late and indulged.

Whilst Chris and I sat next to each other, we weren’t being overtly romantic. In fact, we weren’t being romantic at all. To those at the table who didn’t now, we looked as though we had simply become good friends over our time filming in Italy.

It was nice being in a group of people that were used to this. It wasn’t like at Chris’ where I was a complete alien to his friends, these people were aware we worked together and were obviously used to being around co-stars of their clients etc. My people included.

As we ate, Jake and Chris told differentiating stories about their initial work relationship and how awkward it was in the beginning.

‘He used to be so serious. I’m not even kidding. Like, don’t even try to deny it!’ Jake joked.

I watched as Chris laughed along, trying to hold up his hands in innocence. ‘What!? Oh, come on! Me? Serious??’

Jake gave him one look, so much as to say ‘Oh please!’ before Chris conceded. ‘A’rite, a’rite. In my defense though, having an assistant was pretty alien to me so I didn’t really know where the line was.’

‘Sure, sure.’ Jake teased.

‘You’re like the opposite of Adrian.’ Amy chimed in to my surprise. ‘Literally, in the beginning I had trouble getting her to take me seriously at all. I would tell her we needed to be somewhere or that she had to do something and my response was either a laugh in my face or a “Orrrr we could do this instead” and I’d be like “Adrian, no! That’s not how this works!”’ Everyone began to laugh, myself included, albeit with a light blush now.

When the waiter came over with the bill it wasn’t two seconds before Chris sat forward and dug his wallet and card out of his back pocket and gave it to him, letting out a nonchalant yet somehow humble ‘I got it.’ He really was so sweet and thoughtful.

I recognized that the restaurant really wasn’t that far from my apartment so, much to their delight, I decided to let Amy and Talia have the rooms that Gucci had reserved for me at the St Regis and sleep in my own bed tonight. Amy immediately insisted that she go with me when I mentioned that I was going to walk home. I could feel little butterflies creep in when Chris piped up and offered an ‘It’s alright, I can walk you.’ I gave him an appreciative smile before turning back and watching Amy as she conceded, probably more than aware that we’d want to talk some more.

On our way out, we thanked the staff for their excellent service and filed out, ready to part ways with one another. The cold night hit me like a wall of knives, the thin material of the dress doing little to protect me from the New York air.

Amy shot me one last look as she tied her coat up fully.

‘I’ll be fine.’ I smiled reassuringly but her scepticism seemed deep rooted. ‘You’re entirely sure you don’t want me to walk you?’ She whispered. ‘I know you talked and all but he seems kind of quiet tonight.’

I shook my head and brushed off her worries. Sure he seemed quiet, but we’d all had a long day.

I continued to smile at her and pulled her in for a hug. ‘Go! Have a good night and make sure you have one for me in the bar.’

She begrudgingly hugged me back and whispered ‘good luck’ before releasing me and heading off with the others.

I watched them walk off into the distance before biting my lip and turning around to see Chris still talking to Jake. I couldn’t quite hear what they were saying but it seemed important.

Rather than stand there awkwardly and seem as though I was eavesdropping, I pulled my phone out as a means of distraction and checked the time. 12:03am. I looked around and my focus fell down at the main street, marveling at how it never ceased. Cars whizzed by and people roamed as though it were three in the day.

As I watched, I made a note to myself to take the quieter route back. It would take a little longer but it would mean running into less people.

As another sweep of cold air hit me, I finally decided to look back at the men and saw they were putting their phones away and wrapping it up. They hugged and I could faintly make out Chris mention to him that ‘I’ll see you in a few weeks buddy, take care.’ A few weeks? I wondered where Jake was off to…

Jake’s eyes moved to land on me and he shot me a nod and a wave as a means of a parting and I immediately reciprocated, calling over how nice it was to see him again.

Finally Chris himself turned around and stuck his hand in his pocket as he made his way over to me sheepishly.

‘Sorry about that.’

‘No, no, it’s fine.’ I smiled and turned around as we began our walk back to my place.

A silence fell over us as we walked along, which made the question in my mind burn louder and I figured it wouldn’t be too invasive if I asked, right?

‘Is Jake taking some time off?’ I inquired as I once again tried to wrap the sweater around me as tightly as possible. It really wasn’t that bad, I’d definitely experienced worse chills, it was just that this dress was so damn thin I may as well have been naked under the sweater.

‘Uh no,’ he started before pausing. ‘Well, technically yes but it’s uh, it’s me who’s taking the time off.’ He explained. I could feel my ears prick up at this and glanced over at him briefly, quirking an eyebrow in the process. ‘Oh?’

‘Yeah. That was a pretty hectic few months as far as they go. I thought I better find some down time before I go stir crazy..’ He made an attempt at a laugh and it suddenly hit me that he was acting awkward. I realized that he hadn’t looked at me once since we’d started our little walk and his tone seemed different; distant almost.

I pressed on, trying to ignore this slight bubbling feeling in my stomach.

‘So what are your plans?’

My teeth chattered as I spoke and it seemed as though that was enough for him to finally look my way.

With a frown he declared, ‘Ah jeez, you’re freezing!’ and stopped for a second to hastily pull his jacket off and lightly place it on my shoulders. He rubbed my arms up and down over the thick fabric and I smiled at him in appreciation, adoring to feel his touch after so long.

I thought he might perhaps sling his arm around me as we walked but instead I received a thin smile before he pulled away fully and placed his hands back into his pockets as we began to walk again. The bubbling feeling in my stomach seemed to declare itself as unsettlement and a blanket of awkwardness once again descended upon us.

I shook my head of these fears, not allowing them to take over, things were fine, and instead I softly repeated my question from before.

‘So? Your plans?’

‘Oh, yeah, right, my plans!’ He seemed to think about it for a second and I couldn’t tell if he was genuinely thinking about what his plans were or debating about whether or not he was going to tell them to me…

Thankfully, it seemed to be the former.

‘I have this cabin in a woodland area that me, my Dad and Scott built about 30 minutes from where my Dad lives. It’s near a reserve so there’s nobody around for miles except for a couple other summer cabin owners. It’s kinda like my little retreat I go to get away sometimes.’

‘That sounds nice. A cabin in the woods sounds very you.’ I teased, praying to uplift this awkward wall between us and to my relief, he gave a sweet smile and a nod.

‘Yeah, it’s far enough out from the city that you can see all the stars at night and I can sit there for hours, just, embracing it for all it’s worth.’ He mused and I watched as his face lit up at even the thought of it. It was like he was showing a glimpse of the little boy inside of him.

‘Will you do that the whole time?’

‘Nah, I told my Mom I’d help her out with a couple of things that need fixing around the house. Scott’s no good at that kind of thing..’ He explained before trailing off.

I smiled even though I could feel my heart sinking. Definitely not rushing to make plans with you then Adrian…

For politeness purposes I’m sure, he asked if I had much coming up work-wise.

‘I actually have the rest of the week off.’ I had asked Amy ages ago to set it up that way so that I’d have time to spend with Chris…

‘That’s cool. Any plans?’ My heart was truly drowning now.

I shook my head and gave a low ‘nothing’, resigned now to the fact despite our talk earlier, I had completely screwed this up.

Our small talk only got smaller as we eventually reached my building.

As I made my way up the steps towards the entrance door, I noticed that I could only hear one set of footsteps and turned to see that Chris wasn’t beside me. I turned fully and saw that he’d stopped.

‘You’re not coming in?’ I inquired, hesitantly.

‘Uh no, if it’s alright with you I’m gonna head off, it’s.. kinda late.’

He scratched his head as I stood there staring at him. I could feel my throat closing up and I tried as best I could to swallow any warnings of the bile that threatened to rise.

You haven’t screwed this up Adrian, you’ve fucked it. Well and truly fucked it.

Not wanting to cause a scene or draw any attention to us, I cleared my throat and stepped back down towards him. We were both silent as I gently and, ashamedly, quite sadly peeled his coat off of my shoulders and handed it back to him. I felt like I couldn’t look at him for fear of making an idiot of myself, so I simply stared at the pavement as he accepted it from me. He gave me a ‘thank you’, to which I quietly thanked him back for letting me borrow it.

As I stood there, cold again, the severity of my actions dawned on me and as the silence continued to build, so did my self-loathing.

‘I really like you, Adrian.’

My head shot up and I found myself making eye contact with a pair of remorseful baby blues.

‘All I’ve done these past two weeks is think about you and what I’d done to screw this up.’ He was being so gentle. It was killing me. ‘I felt like I was being punished for something I didn’t do…’

I closed my eyes, well aware of what he was talking about. I slowly began to nod my head and gave a meek ‘… I know.’ I then peeled my eyes back open and looked at him with a sincerely apologetic face. ‘I know. I’m sorry. It’s me, I’m stupid like that sometimes, I-’

‘You’re not stupid.’ He interjected firmly.

‘No, I am. I don’t think sometimes…’

He watched me carefully and somewhat sympathetically as I rambled on about how I shouldn’t have done what I did before interrupting me.

‘Can I be honest with you?’

I nodded my head, although I was terrified of what he might say.

‘I have zero clue as to what has gone on in your life before me Adrian. But… part of me thinks you have these trust issues.’ Oh God. ‘Which is fine! We all have those.’ He clarified. ‘But maybe now isn’t a good time. If you feel like you can’t trust me, then what hope do we have? You know?’

Fucked it. Explosively fucked it all up.

I was speechless. It was what everyone had been telling me this whole time but it seemed that hearing it from Chris’ mouth was what I really needed to make it hit home.

‘Maybe you were right earlier. Maybe… we’re better off being friends right now.’

It was like punch after punch.

I couldn’t even bring myself to say anything. I couldn’t believe this was happening.

Noting my extended silence, Chris took a deep breath and looked around him before bending down and giving me a final kiss on the cheek, an ‘I’m sorry’ and reluctantly walking away, leaving me standing there in the cold.

--------

The end.

No I’m kidding, can you imagine? Hahaha. 

Adrian’s going to have to think outside of the box if she wants to fix this pickle!

I haven’t been on here in so long I feel so rambley, but seriously, thank you so much for all the love, it’s so appreciated and i’m so happy people have enjoyed this story and it kills me that updates have taken so long but i’m hoping to be up on the laptop game at some point next week. But who knows, while my brother’s one is here, I might even see if I can get some writing done tonight and tomorrow <3

[tigerlover16-analysis]

Dragon Ball Super: Episodes 9 and 10 Double Review

Okay, so excuse time again. I tried to get around to writing the episode 9 review the other week, but... honestly, i just kept drawing a blank. Like, i knew what I generally wanted to say about the episode, but it was both hard to put into words and in general I really didn't feel like I had much at all to talk about. So, long story short, I decided to do a double feature this week reviewing both episode 9 and 10 in unison. I might do this again if other episodes call for it, but I won't say anything for sure until it comes to that.

I also wanted to have it out earlier this week, but... well, I don't feel like oversharing stuff about my personal life with strangers or casual friends on the internet, but basically... life stinks. It really stinks, and things haven't been going well at all for me lately and it's sucked away most of my motivation to do anything whenever I'm not wrapped up in something.

I'm probably going to be taking a break from this site as a result, so don't except another review this week I'm afraid. I'm going to try not to let this become a recurring thing, but... honestly, I just don't feel up to it right now. I SHOULD have gotten this review done sooner though, I should have done better than letting it stall like this, and I apologize for that.

So, without further ado, let's talk about epiosde 9 first.

So, this episode opens directly where the last episode left off, with Goku using the Dragon Balls to summon Shenron to finally get an answer about the mysterious super saiyan God. After Shenron explains that such a form can be attained via a ritual involving five good hearted saiyans transferring their energy into another saiyan, everyone decides to try it out with Goku in a last effort to combat Lord Beerus. Following an initial failed attempt where the group realizes that they're one saiyan short of pulling off the ritual, we get a convenient revelation that Videl is pregnant with her and Gohan's child, and through pure plot convenience magic Videl is able to channel the unborn baby's energy to complete the ritual. And thus, the episode ends with Goku assending to Godhood.

Yeah, basically this is an entire episode built around a transformation. I'd make a joke about that, but honestly it's not as bad as it sounds. If anything, this episode is probably the most average of the whole arc... and also one of the most scant in terms of content worth talking about.

Writing wise it's mostly just... meh. There's not a lot bad here, but I feel like a lot of the dialogue is a downgrade from the movie. A lot of the jokes aren't as good, the Pilaf Gang get another pointless moment. I like Gohan and everyone's reaction to Videl's pregnancy a little better here, animation aside, though I also have to complain that it comes across a lot more contrived and out of nowhere compared to the movie where we did have a moment setting her pregnancy up at an earlier point.

I could go into detail about things, but... honestly it would really just feel like I'm nitpicking. The writing in of itself is perfectly serviceable for the most part and it's an alright experience to watch, and it's paced decently enough as part of the wider story. As a single episode of a weekly series though the rather slim amount of story content might be a bit frustrating to a lot of people.

Really, there's not a lot to talk about in regards to story content... it's more the technical side of things and the ritual itself that are worth talking about, including the Super Saiyan God form itself. 

Now in the movie, the super saiyan God ritual was pretty brief and as far as transformations go, not all that grand or impressive. Here in Super though? I gotta give them credit, they really didn't skimp out on making this feel like the birth of a God.

As the ritual begins to take effect and the other saiyans energy is transferred into Goku (With some nice shiny auras that I really like the look of personally), we get a lot of cool effects work. The sea turning gold and whirlpools forming. Shimmering golden clouds forming in the sky and swirling around to form a circular wall around the cruiser, the weather rapidly cycling between rain and hail. Reality feels like it's warping all over the place, with the sun and moon rapidly flying across the sky as though days are going by in a matter of seconds.

It's ridiculously over the top in a way that feels really cool and grand, and really sells the idea that we're seeing the birth of a God. Goku being enveloped in a glorious red light for a while afterwards is a really nice touch too, it adds a nice little bit of suspense and anticipation.

And topping it off, all of this is accompanied by some of the best music tracks in the whole series, two songs called Compromise and Birth of a God playing one after the other. I can't sell enough how perfectly fitting they are for this scene, the instumentals sound so much like a heavenly choir. In conjunction with the visuals, these tracks imbue this whole sequence with a sense of majesty that I really can't do justice with mere words, if by any chance you haven't watched the show yet i really suggest you watch this scene yourself. It's just such a pleasant experience.

The Super Saiyan God form has been built up for almost the entire arc until now, and I'm happy to say the transformation sequence was worth the wait in this version. While most of the episode I feel was a bit of a step down from the movie in terms of writing, the God ritual itself was VASTLY better in Super and I'll give Toei props for that.

I just really wish the rest of the episode held up in terms of visuals. Because even if the effects work was pretty nice for the most part in the ritual scene during the second half, the art for most of the episode otherwise was... mediocre at best with a few iffy shots, and the movement was pretty limited. There's also this one sequence where Gohan is reacting to Videl's pregnancy announcement I mentioned earlier... his movements as he's jumping are really awkward, as is Mr Satan cutting in to punch him aside. And Videl's lack of reaction as he does this, while kind of unintentionally hilarious, is blatant corner cutting.

I could go on. It's clear most of the animators time and focus was on the ritual, because otherwise this is one of the least interestingly animated episodes of the arc outside of that. The direction is pretty mediocre too.

So, yeah... it's a real mixed bag. Again, I wouldn't say there was anything exceptionally awful about this episode, but it's a very mediocre one on the whole where the good and bad just about balance each other out. I do wish more attention was given to smaller moments like Videl's announcement, but as an episode built around a transformation... it could be a lot better, but it could be worse too. At the very least, it sets us up for the big climactic fight just fine, and that's all it really needed to accomplish, so it's mostly okay.

I guess I should talk about the Super Saiyan God form itself aswell. It's a form that's gotten... rather mixed reactions from fans, being mostly just Goku looking like his regular self, but with red hair and eyes, a slimmer build, and a fiery aura when he powers up. Some people like it for how it fits into Toriyama's tendecy for simplistic transformations for the saiyan characters, while others deride the form for said simplicity making it look rather basic and unimpressive, especially when you compare it to the fan favourite super saiyan 4 transformation (Which, even as someone who notoriously can't stand GT, that's my favourite SSJ form too I'll admit), which had a much more unique and more detailed look to it that stood out from the other forms.

And... yeah, i get people feeling that way... but personally I'm in the former camp. I can't fully describe why, but there's just something oddly charming about the red hair colour that really works on Goku. I always like how Toriyama goes for making characters or transformations that are really powerful and intimidating look unassumingly non-threatening or simplistic, and the God form fits so well into that trend.

And yeah, that aura... we don't see it here, it's something that comes up more in the next few episodes and in the forms future appearances, but the God forms aura is my favourite aura effect in the franchise next to the one for Ultra Instinct (More on that in later reviews). It looks like a living flame burning around Goku's body, and that's an interesting choice that both conveys a sense of power and just looks really cool and adds a bit of mystique to the form.

It may not look like much at first glance and seem a bit too plain for a proclaimed godly transformation, but personally I really enjoy it. It's probably up there as one of my favourite super saiyan forms.

Maybe not everyone is going to appreciate it and I can see why, but I can't complain.

Well okay, I can complain about how the show really skimped out on explaining the lore about the form and it's connection to an ancient super saiyan who started a rebellion against the corrupt saiyan regime. Here Shenron just explains that the instructions on how to transform a saiyan into a super saiyan God were written into something called the Namekian book of legends.

I have no idea why the show glossed over these details. Maybe Toriyama thought he might go into more detail in the story behind it at a later point (Like the upcoming movie, maybe?) so the writer didn't want to go into it too much in this version, but really it just felt like a lazy choice to me.

If you want to know my thoughts on Yamoshi himself and the lore behind the super saiyan god... meh. It's as decent an explanation as any, I guess.

Honestly I have no strong feelings about the whole mythos behind it either way. Maybe you could do an interesting side story about it somewhere.

But anyway, yeah, that's pretty much all I have to say. It's a mediocre episode that doesn't have anything much to offer aside from a pretty decent transformation scene and a serviceable new form, and it mostly just serves to move the plot along and get us all ready to enter the arc's climactic battle. And in that regard it's... somewhat serviceable, though could be a LOT better. But that said, it's not a painful experience if you're binge watching.

I'll give it a C- to be generous, definitely no higher than that.

If it feels like I'm skimping over a lot here and this portion of the review is structured poorly... well, then you see why I held off on talking about this episode. I just had no idea how to put my thoughts into words here and structure it into a review.  And I had even more trouble with the next part for episode 10.

Oh yeah, let's talk about episode 10 then. the first episode of the big Goku vs Beerus fight! It's all been leading to this. Dragon Ball's biggest draw for years has been it's epic action and fights, and as the climax of the first arc of the new series, this may very well be one of the most crucial battles in the series to nail. God vs God, the most iconic hero in anime against the most powerful being in the known universe. And how does this great battle start out?!

... It's alright.

Yeah, honestly if the previous episode was sparse for content, then THIS episode definitely has the least amount of content really worth talking about out of the entire arc. Everything about it can basically be summed up as "Eh, it's okay for what it is". We get a few moments of very basic action between Goku and Beerus, punctuated throughout with other characters reactions to the situation and a few exchanges between Goku and Beerus as the former tries to get used to his newfound God powers.

If you were hoping for the first phase of the big fight with a bang... you'll probably be mildly disappointed. It's not bad, don't get me wrong, but it's mostly just serviceable. 

The animation is pretty decent, we're still a long way above episode 5 at least, though while the initial scuffle between Goku and Beerus nearing the end of the first half was pretty nice a lot of the coreography does feel basic and a bit stiff in a few places. Though hey, at least the hits feel like they have impact, a lot of the fights in this series feel like they struggle to convey weight to attacks.

I suppose the kamehameha and the water effects look pretty good too (Although I have to ask... why is it in this arc that the kamehameha often looks like Goku firing off a ball of energy rather than a beam? That's not a complaint, it's just an odd choice that only seems to happen a few times early on in Super, and I don't get it).

Overall though, there isn't actually a ton of action here, with the episode featuring a lot of cut away moments with the other characters or Goku and Beerus stopping to banter between hits... so, basically it's a Dragon Ball fight :P

Okay, jokes aside it's not really that bad for a warm up episode. The pacing is a bit slow and the action that is here isn't mind blowing, but the point of the episode was mostly Goku slowly getting a grip on his Godly power and showing he is now capable of holding his own against Beerus (Or at least he's getting there). It's not really meant to be anything mind blowing at this point, that's more the other episodes job. And for the most part nothing really feels pointless here other than maybe the Pilaf Gang scenes, par the course for this arc, though I do find it a bit sweet that Whis was sharing food with them.

The last scene of the episode in particular I really liked where Goku managed to hold Beerus in place to flick him on the forehead and karate chop his neck, like Beerus had done to him in their first fight. Apart from just being really amusing (Especially in the dub), it's a good way to highlight how Goku is now no longer at the mercy of Beerus's seemingly overwhelming power and might actually pose a genuine threat to the destroyer now. It's a good note to end the episode on I feel.

And... that's pretty much it. This really isn't one of those episodes where a lot actually happens, and one's enjoyment of it is probably going to depend largely on how tempered their expectations for this portion of the fight are. Part of me wants to call it out for how scant it is for actual action and story content... but honestly I can think of a number of episodes from DBZ like this, if not more padded with pointless exchanges in some cases, so for this particular franchise it just feels a bit par for the course.

At the very least it serves as a serviceable lead in to a more exciting episode, so while it might not offer much if you're watching the show on a weekly basis, in context of the arc as a whole... it's fine. I would have wanted more from it, but considering Super's production at this point I'm just grateful we didn't see another full on meltdown (No, they waited next arc for that).

I'll give this one a C

I think you can see why I decided to review these episodes together though, they're kind of hard to talk about as episodes unto themselves, particularly episode 10, since they're mostly designed to function in unison with each other, which is something to be expected now and then with serialized shows of this nature.

I apologize for the delay regardless though, and to be honest I'll probably be late with the next one since I think I'll be taking a break from social media for a few days. I feel bad about all of this inconvenience (Though it hardly feels like anyone cares about these reviews anyway), but like I said earlier this isn't a particularly good time for me and I'd rather get my personal life and mental state sorted out so that I can actually feel enthusiastic about this analysis blog again. Everyone have a good day.