It had never seemed necessary for Papyrus and I to nail down an exact meeting place. “At the park” was always enough for the two of us to find each other. And today, we found each other at the top of the white columned stairs. Well. I guess technically I found him.
It really seemed like he’d been waiting in that exact spot, knowing I was going to be walking that way. But he was watching in the wrong direction; his back turned to me as he waited, watching the stairs. Or maybe he was watching the fountain? Cool air wafted away from flowing water, which I could feel even from across this small plaza. He seemed like he was watching something. I slowed my pace, in order to get a good look at him before he could know that I was watching him.
He was sitting on the wall, leaning forward, with one foot propped up in front of him and the other flat on the ground. A half-eaten lime creamsicle was in his hand, his arm lazily draped over his raised knee.
I guess he must not have been waiting long at all, since he still had popsicle left. As if he was aware of my thoughts, he took a big bite right as I considered it. The wind blew more cool air our way, and ruffled the collar of his too-large shirt and the tall grass on the other side of the wall. I considered, just for a moment, that maybe I should stop walking altogether--just long enough to snap a photo of the picturesqueness of it all. He looked so thoughtful and serious, gazing out towards the lake. Juxtaposed with a popsicle full of lopsided bite marks, this scene was a perfect encapsulation of the monster that was Papyrus.
But I couldn’t. I didn’t have the guts. I didn’t even have the guts to disturb what looked like a satisfying reverie by calling out or otherwise making my presence known. Instead I awkwardly shuffled up to his side and moved to place my hand on his shoulder, but then second-guessed myself and thought, maybe I should tap it instead? It didn’t matter, since he startled and swiveled his head around before I could even decide.
“H...HEY!!” It was always fun to watch his face, and the clear progression of emotions that often played out. Right then it was shock at being approached by a stranger, which instantly gave way to shock at being approached by someone you love, which quickly melted into glee at having been tricked (with a hint of sheepishness for having been facing the wrong way).
“HEH, I THOUGHT YOU WERE ON YOUR WAY UP! WANT SOME?” The softened popsicle was extended towards me. Of course I wanted some, so I obliged him with a slurp that took care of a good half of what was left on the stick.
“..........” His disappointment was palpable, and my sudden guilt must have shown on my face too.
“WAIT, IT’S FINE. REALLY. I OFFERED IT TO YOU, SO...”
“Where’d you get that from, anyway? Do they sell those here??”
“THESE? THESE?? YOU KNOW THEY DON’T SELL THESE HERE! I HAD TO BRING IT WITH.” He gives a good slap to a bag I hadn’t noticed sitting next to him.
“.....They’ll melt.”
“THEY WON’T!”
“Hm. I didn’t know you had popsicle-cooling magic... Neat!” I reached down to the bag, eager for a popsicle of my own and curious about the cooling mechanism.
But the bag was swept away from my grasp, and Papyrus was shaking a finger at me. “YOU ARE NOT AUTHORIZED TO GO DIGGING IN MY MAGIC BAG.” He swung his leg over the wall, landing both feet firmly on the ground and standing up straight with an exaggerated gesture. “BUT I AM!” A bright red creamsicle was soon procured, unwrapped and thrust into my hands. I was suspicious of what sort of “magic” was keeping it cold, since it seemed to be already starting to soften, but couldn’t find the heart to complain about getting a treat.
Once Papyrus had started in on his second popsicle (orange this time), the two of us linked arms and began strolling towards the stairs overlooking the lake. From this vantage point, even more of the lake was visible, as well as the vague outline of paths surrounding it on the opposite side. This lake wasn’t particularly big, but it took almost half an hour to walk around a single lap. The paths were forested, at times so thickly that the lake couldn’t be seen, and that made them seem isolated, and longer than they really were. But all of it seemed so much smaller from up here even though it wasn’t that far away at all.
As we began making our way down the staircase, I bit the popsicle with my lips over my teeth then slurped up the melting ice cream inside. It cooled my face but warmed my heart. “You know, I didn’t even realize they still made these popsicles. I used to eat them a lot as a kid.”
“I, DON’T THINK THEY ACTUALLY DO?? YOU WOULDN’T BELIEVE WHAT A PAIN I WENT THROUGH, TRYING TO FIND THEM!”
On the lake there wasn’t much visible from here other than a few small paddle boats, but as we got closer I could make out groups of kayakers who seemed to drift effortlessly by.
“IT COULDN’T HAVE BEEN THAT LONG AGO THEY WERE DISCONTINUED. I REMEMBER EATING THEM TOO, BACK WHEN THE BARRIER WAS FIRST BROKEN.”
In reality, I knew that the riders were having to work hard to propel their boats forward through the water. I’d never been kayaking, but it had always looked like fun to me. Stealing a glance over at Papyrus, who was still going on about the popsicles, I wondered if it could be a good way to work out together with him, fully expecting that he’d be excellent at it.
Suddenly I realized that my popsicle was gone. “Oh hey...can I have a green one now?” I waved my popsicle stick, licked mostly clean, in front of Papyrus and he grimaced. “It’s been so long since I had these, I forgot how much I liked ‘em.”
“YES, I KNEW YOU HAD EXCELLENT TASTE. OF COURSE I WOULD LOVE TO FETCH YOU A GREEN ONE. BUT I’M NOT YOUR TRASH COLLECTOR! AND IF YOU STICK THAT...THAT STICKY THING IN THE BAG YOU MIGHT-- RUIN THE MAGIC OR SOMETHING!” He made a shooing gesture at my stick, which only made me want to wave it in his face even more. “GO FIND A GARBAGE CAN!”
Seeing as there were no garbage cans nearby, I stuck the stick into my jeans pocket, much to Papyrus’s dismay. But he forgave me enough to serve me a green popsicle after all. This popsicle was suspiciously much softer than the last. “Hey.....you’re not using magic at all, are you?” I squinted at him as almost the entirety of the lime popsicle shell sloughed off in my mouth. “.....*gulp*. You just packed a ton of popsicles and counted on being able to finish them off before they melted.”
Papyrus seemed to be watching the boats on the lake quite intently now but surely he was aware of my accusatory stare out of the corner of his eye. His stern expression twitched with a grin. “I DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT."
"..........."
"BUT. I'LL ADMIT THAT IT’S A GOOD THING YOU’RE HERE, SO YOU CAN HELP ME EAT THEM ALL.”
“True. It’ll be a lot of work to finish them all before they melt.”
“WELL, DON’T GET ME WRONG! I COULD MANAGE IT.”
The path down the stairs was lined with shady trees, but the lake itself was surrounded by a sunny, open walkway. I had a feeling that no, he could not manage it. These popsicles were not going to last more than 10 minutes, tops. Even through our combined efforts, there would probably be a couple of melted treats. I slurped up most of the ice cream center as we walked across a platformed break in the stairs, eager to do my part either way.
But as we stepped down onto the stairs again, I saw something that made me jump in alarm: a wedding party! And their cameras were pointed straight up the picturesque stairs, right at us! Without even thinking, I pulled Papyrus by our linked arms, running back up to the platform before turning off onto a small dirt path running diagonal to the stairs.
The air was heavy and quiet as I pondered whether or not I had photobombed that bride and groom’s photoshoot. Probably so. Even though I hadn’t noticed it until we were very near, that was only because I hadn’t been paying attention. The pictures probably had us there in the background, though it wouldn’t have been very close to the subject. It was a public park, so I couldn’t really feel guilty for it, but even still, I didn’t want to be in some stranger’s wedding photos.
“.......” I wasn’t exactly sure why but suddenly things felt clumsy and awkward. I didn’t know what to say, or whether to say anything, and the little bit of popsicle I had left was completely forgotten. Slowly I turned my eyes up towards Papyrus only to find him calmly nibbling on a new popsicle (a red one now) while looking back in the direction of the couple.
“........HM. YOU THINK....YOU MIGHT WANT TO DO THAT SOMETIME? ME AND YOU?”
My heart, pounding, leapt straight to my throat, blocking out any words or sounds from coming through, while my grip on the popsicle stick tightened. Was this a joke?
No...he was genuinely asking me for an answer, I realized, as he looked down, smiling at me expectantly. But he looked so laid back about it. Somehow, we must have been thinking of two different things.
“U..uh....I, I mean....um...ho-honestly, I’m, I-I’ve.......you know...it feels embarrassing somehow to b-be...honest...but....” My words got quieter as my face got hotter. I went to take a giant bite of the popsicle to cool down, but what had been left of it had already melted and ran down into my fist.
“HANG ON....OH MY GOD......ARE YOU SCARED OF BEING OUT ON THE WATER???” His suddenly concerned face only confused me even more.
“WAAAAIT, WAIT WAIT WAIT...” Papyrus took a brief look around himself, which at first I took to mean that he was checking to see if anyone was around. But maybe he was looking for a place to hold his popsicle because the next thing he did was quickly suck the whole thing directly off the stick (swallowing it dutifully rather than savoring it, and tossing the stick to the ground), before placing his thick-gloved hands squarely on my shoulders, and leaning in close.
His worried frown was right in front of my face, much closer than it usually happened to be. I tried to listen to him instead of focusing on his features, but it was hard. I hadn’t had this chance to be so close before. His voice wasn’t...quiet... but, it was softer than I expected.
“IT’S OK TO BE SCARED OF THAT. PERFECTLY OK. DON’T....DON’T BE EMBARRASSED. WE DON’T HAVE TO--”
Suddenly everything clicked in my mind. Our eyes met. “To...go kayaking together....?”
“YES. EXACTLY. WE DON’T HAVE TO GO KAYAKING TOGETHER. I’VE NEVER DONE IT MYSELF, BUT....WELL...WHEN I SAW THOSE LITTLE BOATS ON THE BIG LAKE....” He smiled softly, sheepishly even. “I THOUGHT IT LOOKED LIKE FUN.”
Actually, it did sound fun. Really fun. I returned his smile, shyly, even though he didn’t seem to completely understand that look, and grasped his hand, pulling it to my chest confidingly.
“Maybe it wouldn’t be too scary....if we were together.”
Sorrowfully, Papyrus shook his head. “THE KAYAK IS A BOAT THAT ONLY FITS ONE PERSON, I’M AFRAID.”
“I meant. Together, in our own boats. Side by side on the water.”
“OH. SURE. YES! I’LL STICK RIGHT BY YOU!!” His grin was nothing short of triumphant.
Then he noticed my hand, clasping his.
“ ............YECCCK!! WHY ARE YOU SO STICKY?!?!?!”
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Who wants to see some old cringe selfies of vintage millennial fashion?
So, the backstory behind most of these pics is way back in 2010 I got a job at Target for a few months and during that time most days I had to wear a red top with khakis as my work uniform and I very quickly started to get bored with the monotony. So I decided to do some bathroom photoshoots of the different outfits I had at the time besides the red tops I was wearing every day. I pretty much don't have a single one of these articles of clothing anymore, except for a couple of necklaces. Most of these I think I got rid of because I gained a lot of weight after I got a car, if not because my tastes evolved or they fell apart on me.
This first collage is a bunch of all black outfits.
The scarf I'm wearing in the first one was a souvenir my sister got me from the gift shop at Alcatraz when she was on a school trip. It's got a fake stamp printed on it that says "Rejected: Too Cute".
Second outfit, I think I got from Forever 21, both the dress and the thigh high boots.
Third outfit was probably mostly made of JCPenny pieces. I used to wear it to a lot of job interviews, not that it helped because the job market sucked almost as much back then as it does today. Also, those heels were from Payless and although they were cute, they were absolute murder on my flat feet. I held onto that tie for a long time with no shirt to wear it with because they don't really even make women's blouses anymore that button all the way up and even when they do, I can't wear them because all button-up blouses gape on me. Also, can't really find vests anymore, for that matter.
Fourth outfit I think I got from Value Village.
First outfit bottom row came from Kohl's and I bought it after only looking at the hanger and not the actual tag, but despite the dress being an XS and me wearing a medium at the time, it miraculously stretched far enough to fit, so I kept it.
The off-shoulder top I got from a local retailer that is actually still in business today with a handful of locations that have shifted to different suites around town over the years, but never shut down.
The velvet outfit I believe was either a hand-me down or an old church outfit that used to be knee length before I cropped it into a hi-low skirt.
All of these outfits by the way I wore in my late teens and early 20s to school and walking around town before I had a car. Nothing I own now or have ever owned is a date outfit because I don't go on dates.
First outfit in this teal/turquoise set is probably my most cringe. That headband was really ugly with my short hair, and I don't think that long top over a short skirt and cropped hoodie combo was a good look.
The top from the second pic came from a gift shop at Niagra Falls from a school trip I went on my junior year of high school. It originally had black felt ribbons, but the first time I washed it I didn't realize the ribbons weren't sewn on, so they came off and got destroyed, so I replaced them with turquoise ribbons that were sewn on.
Third top I'm pretty sure came from Gottschalks before it went bankrupt and got replaced by a Forever 21, if that doesn't carbon date me like the fossil I am.
The top in the first two pics on the bottom row I used to normally wear with a pair of black jeggings. Hear me out though, these were not yoga pants with a fake denim print slapped on top, they actually had texture like real jeans and I think a button and zipper even. The pockets were still fake, but they were actually sewn-in faux-pockets like they have on normal pants, not a print. They were basically just very thin, very elastic form-fitting jeans I wore so I could have a smoother silhouette under long shirts. I actually still own the necklace I'm wearing with that top, but I never wear silver anymore, so it's getting donated soon.
Last dress in the teal set is another piece I got from the same place my off-shoulder top came from. I might've even gotten them at the same time.
First top I got from a specialty online goth fashion shop. I actually didn't have my own credit/debit card at the time because I was still in high school, but my sister told me if I gave her money and she didn't think it was cringe/inappropriate for school, I could show her things I wanted to buy online and she'd get them for me. So that star top was one of the things I got along with the goggles and fingerless gloves seen in other pics, and an assortment of other accessories from when I was deep in my Hot Topic Mall Goth Invader Zim-core aesthetic phase.
The corset I'm wearing in the next three photos had no boning in it, so it wasn't uncomfortable to wear, except for the fact that it didn't stay in place or hold its shape like a corset should. I got that corset from a local retailer that closed down, in a mall that has since become a dead mall.
In the middle row, I believe I got both the top and the cardigan from Forever 21.
The brown outfit in the middle of the middle I think I got from JCPenny, except the green top, which came from Forever 21. Shoes might've come from Payless. That was my second go-to job interview outfit and I miss it a lot. I tried looking for those pieces on Poshmark once so I could recreate it. But it turns out the brown top and skirt actually came from the junior's section, so there's no way even the largest size I could find it in would fit me now.
I think the silky green skirt and the green sweater in the next couple of pics also came from Forever 21.
The butterfly top on the bottom row I think came from the same store where I got my corset. I don't wear heels anymore, but I also don't wear converse anymore either because zero arch support is just as uncomfortable as heels on my flat feet. I don't wear headbands either because they aren't comfortable anymore. Every one I try just squeezes my skull too much.
The green bustier-looking top is another one of my most cringe outfits because it was constantly rolling up.
The next top after it is also pretty cringe, cause it's just an unflattering shade of neon green.
The last outfit was one of my most frequently worn from late high school and throughout college. I used to wear it with a pair of dangly guitar-pick shaped GIR earrings that my sister got me when she went on a trip and got to visit a Hot Topic before we had one locally. At some point I swapped out the GIR earrings for a pair of zipper pull earrings because my sister told me the GIR earrings don't go with the rest of the jewelry I wore with it.
The navy crop jacket was another Forever 21 piece, and I think I got those agonizingly painful booties from there too.
Then there's my Butch Girl Style Icon Dib Membrane shirt that I had to alter to fit right because it only came in a men's size.
The next outfit below was a hand-me down velvet shirt/jacket thing that I turned into a dress.
Last outfit is probably my oldest. I think most of its components I got as far back as middle school, and I think they were hand-me downs even then.
I used to love that purple cardigan until it got stretched the fuck out in the wash. I think it came from the same place as the off-shoulder top and the teal dress.
The next top I believe was another Gottchalks piece I might've had as far back as middle school. It used to be a hideous brown/olive green until I dyed it, but it was already getting threadbare even then.
The purple cowl-neck outfit I think I also got from the same place as the purple cardigan.
Last outfit is another one of my most cringe outfits with yet another overlaying piece that rolled up all the time.
Closeups of some necklaces I wore in some of the above pics. I actually still have the black flower necklace, but that's another one that's getting donated soon because I don't wear silver anymore. I totally forgot it used to have another black chunky chain attached before I removed it. The soda tab necklace I made myself and painted with nail polish. I actually made several necklaces and bracelets out of soda tabs, some of which I handed out to my friends.
Bonus:
Me in one of many iterations of a black belted jacket I've worn throughout the years. I don't have this specific jacket anymore, but once I started wearing them, I've never not owned a long, black belted jacket as my main staple piece of outer wear. So I've never really escaped my Zim-core roots.
This pic was taken by somebody at my college paper. They saw me waiting for classes to start and wanted a picture of me for an article on fashion. I got a few copies to show my family, but they also posted the article online. Not a lot of people saw it and there were only a couple of comments, but none of them mentioned my outfit and one of them said something to the effect of "None of these outfits are in style and the writer of his article has no business giving out fashion advice cause everyone knows Alaskans are always 5-10 years out of date on the trends".
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