#I remember the thing boiling me up was someone trying to say Niles was actually a good dad only because he cared about Nina and…

[childofaura]

Not to bust out another question after the last one but I got a big question…

Why did you state that you hate Niles? I thought he is a pretty decent character, slimy comments aside.

Hoo boy… so first off, I do apologize. I know Niles is very popular, so I’m not trying to rain hate on him. As a character, he’s well written.

On a personal level to me though, he’s an incredibly awful person and hasn’t seemed to really seek to change himself. Like for example, one thing I’ve adored about Shura is that he actively loathes the lows he’s reached in order to survive, and despite his hardships he treats others (from what I’ve seen in the F!Corrin support at least) fairly and with respect. Plus, he doesn’t squander this godsend of a second chance and acts accordingly in the army.

Now Niles… despite the fact that he’s loyal to Leo and drops the banditry, continues to be an incredibly shitty person to others. Especially in his support with Camilla where he mocks her love for Corrin and essentially calls her a privileged princess, while assuming she’s never known any kind of hardship or sadness. Of course, Camilla figuratively goes for the throat:

And even after all this, Niles can’t put his masochism aside and begs Camilla to flog him, it’s a super inappropriate response to what she just told him. Also, he tries to judge Corrin the same way before Corrin tells him about their childhood trauma. Plus he gets mad at Arthur for judging him based on his life despite him doing the exact same thing.

But I think the worst part of it, is Nina. Despite the fact that he was scorned by having a dead-beat, piece of shit dad… he inflicts that exact same heartache on Nina, and then tries to pretend like he has authority over the things she does (while also taunting her, which he has absolutely no place in doing so). There are characters who don’t visit their kids as much, that is true; off the top of my head I can name Arthur, Hinata, and Hayato. But for the first two, I can give it to them that Arthur stole a wyvern egg with his bare hands so Percy wouldn’t be alone, and Hinata actually saves Hisame instead of fighting him while apologizing for his absence. Meanwhile Niles didn’t even know that Nina had left the Deeprealms. I commend him for apologizing and resolving that, but it doesn’t erase that he never visited her.

That’s pretty much all my feelings on Niles and his character. I like asshole characters SOMETIMES, like Azama, but even Azama has redeeming qualities to his character, like a genuine duty to help heal people (while putting aside his snark in that regard) and being an actual balanced father to Mitama. Niles is just a mess of a human, and not in a fun way to me. But again, it’s just all my personal feelings on it.

[dreamerinsilico]

Thanks to The Good Place s4 having made its way to Netflix, and me having Feelings, I’m going to take a bit to publicly chew on them now. 

TL;DR: same as basically every take I’ve seen, it was a great finale that handled each of the characters in a way that made sense and also I cried through most of the last episode.  But also I have vaguely cranky philosophical ruminations about it that don’t make me appreciate the show any less, but definitely want to yap about it.

(Details under the cut, because spoilers and also this may get long.  Also apparently it’s going to involve some spoilers for The Old Guard.  And maybe a few minor NBC Hannibal references.)

So, first I want to reiterate: the way the show ended, given everything else the show had done, made sense and was emotionally satisfying to me.  I loved it.

In a bigger-picture sense, though... I’d really like to see more media that interfaces with the concept of immortality without concluding that death is the only way to give the human (or humanoid) existence meaning.  Where we end up in the finale of The Good Place makes sense, in that it’s already been established that there’s an afterlife that doesn’t really have any inherent meaning beyond individual souls’ experiences of it and their relationships with one another.  And it’s not hard to imagine that a lot of the small dramas and conflicts that provide variation to even very peaceful lives would be invalidated without any kind of pressure from those material needs.  Given the foundations of the show, Our Heroes’ decision about how to change The Good Place for the better is... the only reasonable conclusion.  

And, you know, I don’t blame the show for not being The piece of media I’m hoping for to just come out and say outright, “you know, actually fuck this whole death thing.  Not a fan.  Don’t need it.  Let’s get rid of it.”  That’s not what this show was ever even remotely trying to be about.  It’s about coping with the reality of the human experience in the 20th/21st century, which includes death.  (Even with my transhumanist leanings, as a bioengineer and also someone who ardently pays attention to other fields, I will not even hint at denying that this is going to be a mandatory part of our reality for quite a while yet.)

The conclusion the show draws that I very much do agree with (regardless of one’s stance on death) is that we require some form of tension to inject meaning.  When I picture myself in the Final Form of the Good Place, I think most of my energy and desire would be focused on (I guess like a combo of Chidi and Tahani) asking questions of people there, and making peace with relationships that had somehow been left hanging.  There’s a finite amount of each of those.  I’d run out eventually.  My scientific passion would have a hard time finding an outlet, because the laws of physics don’t apply and I can’t interface with living people who could still make use of my expertise and stubborn propensity to problem-solve.  I’d like to think my creative leanings would still matter, but I’m not positive to what degree they would in that environment.  (It’s worth a chuckle to me now that when they offhandedly noted that Shakespeare’s thousands of posthumous plays weren’t anywhere near as good as the ones he wrote on Earth, I was initially indignant.  But with further thought it makes sense that the longer one is removed from that tension I referenced previously, the harder it would be to make meaningful art.  Or to even have that art be appreciated by the audience, since, on the audience side, successful art plucks against the tension of the strings the audience itself carries.  And when your audience is restricted to people in paradise who have already at-least-mostly self-actualized....)

Something about the finale that I’m still chewing over how I feel about was the very last scene.  The implication of some form of reincarnation.  (If that wasn’t supposed to be the takeaway from that... well, please tell me, but I *think* I remember some kind of rewards card reference with Eleanor and Michael from an earlier season?)  The incurable romantic part of me appreciates the concept of reincarnation on principle, so that’s one thing.  It’s also entirely in keeping with Chidi’s metaphor about a wave returning to the ocean - that wave is gone; it’ll never be there again, but the stuff of it is still there and ready to take form again.  But the part of me that very much sympathizes with Simone and, while not being a neurologist, is very concerned with Theory of Mind... reincarnation doesn’t do much for that part.  If I die, and my metaphysical essence eventually shows up in a different human who has no connection via memory to their past lives... well, that’s very aesthetically pleasing, I guess, but the point to me is, the information was still lost.  When I died, my subjective experiences, memories, and capacity to act upon the world as Dae the Irascible Multi-Academic was lost, because my reincarnation doesn’t have access to that (much as I did not have access to my previous selves’s experiences).  

Anyway, speaking of incurable romantics, let’s talk about The Old Guard!  When I was previously starting to complain about no media that interacts with immortality as a concept avoiding the canard of “death gives life meaning,” I stopped myself.  Because you know what, The Old Guard didn’t fucking go there, and I’m proud of everyone who worked on it for that.  Booker thinks death is the answer because he has lost hope.  But the person he appeals to, the person he thinks he’s doing a favor, is Andy.  Who has lived millennia more than he has, lost the implied-love-of-her-life, and still has the will to keep going.  Her questioning of that is intrinsic to the storyline, but at NO POINT does she ever indicate she wants to die.  And Nile’s appearance reinvigorates her, even as she knows she now actually has an expiration date.  (And the expiration date is not what invigorates her.  It is Nile and the attendant situation reminding her of why they do what they do.)  I ultimately really like The Old Guard’s take on immortality, because it gives us a spectrum of reactions to it.  Nile, generally freaked-out and not happy about any of this but trying to do best by the people she loves.  Booker, jaded and wanting to end it all.  Andy, pretty jaded but when push comes to shove wants to keep fucking trying, and doesn’t just step back and abdicate responsibility when it’s clear she isn’t going to be around much longer.  Joe and Nicky, not necessarily always happy with their circumstances, but taking strength from their relationships, not just with each other, but with the group as a whole.  (I have a whole essay brewing, which may or may not eventually see the light, about their romantic connection being important but kind of only a part of their overall attitude about the group and how that is intensely important.) 

And because apparently I’m just going to keep tacking on essay-stubs to this one post, when I thought about how to start this, I also thought about how Hannibal Lecter (in NBC Hannibal) says, “The thought that my life could end at any moment frees me to fully appreciate the beauty and art and horror of everything this world has to offer.”  And I’m just kind of marinating in that (hah) for the moment because it represents a hedonism that The Good Place, in aggregate, rejects.  But you can’t really compare those two stances, because of course, Hannibal Lecter is a human, subject to human standards of beauty and horror.  I shouldn’t go off on a big tangent about this here, because the point of NBC Hannibal is emphatically not about immortality or mortality, but I felt it worth mentioning because a) hyperfixation and b) it’s an interesting thread in the wider discussion I’m interested in, that I like placing in context.

Anyway if you’ve bothered to read all of this, thank you profusely.  I have a lot of feelings about The Good Place which mostly boil down to “I loved it,” but I can’t help but poke at the whole death thing.  That’s kind of a sore spot for me in media.

[iwrite-sometimes]

Family is thicker than blood

Chapter 3 

Chapter 1 here Chapter two here

AO3

Hank had to give back the picture, no matter how much he wished he could keep it. A lot of instabilities in his software happened when he looked at it, but mainly he just didn’t have a place to keep it and he could guess that Amanda’s reaction to it wouldn’t be good if she were to find it. So he kept the memory of the picture in his main processor and gave it back. Connor took the picture and looked at him. The android gave him a little sad smile and tapped his forehead. A ghost of a smile passed the child’s lips before he took the photo frame and hid it in Niles side of the room. Smart.

Connor apparently had to keep doing some schoolwork-Which was bullshit as the kid had been doing that the entire day-, so Hank went to prepare dinner and finish all he had left before Amanda came home.

Dinner was just as plain as everything else he’d cooked so far and Hank was glad he didn’t have to eat this shit. Poor kid. I’ll try and give him something he can actually taste soon.

His instabilities were increasing, after all, he shouldn’t be planning to disobey his owner, but his owner was just full of shit so he didn’t worry about it too much.

Amanda arrived and the meal came and went on a much more peaceful manner than before, and for that Hank was grateful. Once they were done, he had to take care of the dishes while Connor and Amanda had some ‘quality time’ together. He was sure this woman’s definition of quality time was not the same as the one his database was showing him. He couldn’t, no matter how much processing power he invested, picture this bitch Amanda playing with Connor or watching a movie with him. Hell, he doubted she could hold a conversation that wouldn’t end up with a distraught little boy. It was fair to say he was worried about this. He finished cleaning up so he decided to wait for Connor to finish outside the library. He then had to help the kid take a shower and get ready for bed.

He decided that standing next to the door would be the best, and if he adjusted his hearing a little to be able to listen to what was going on inside the room, well, nobody would know anyways. He heard some slow steps, like someone leisurely pacing the room. Going by the sound of them he could assume it was Amanda.

“Hmm. Start again. Let’s see if you are able to get it right this time.”

He heard Connor take a long shaky breath and in a shakier voice started talking.

“Phillip II introduced a new kind of i-infantry known as the Macedonian ph-phalanx. The tight formation of the Macedonian phalanx formed a wall of spears, which was considered nearly impermeable.” It was the first time Hank had heard Connor speak and he absolutely hated it. The way his breath hitched, his voice shook, the way his entire tone was just laced with fear and exhaustion made Hank’s blue blood boil.

“Impenetrable, Connor! How is an army supposed to be resistant to water!? Use your logic when reading if you cannot read the words correctly, or is that so hard to ask!?” A loud noise followed Amanda’s cool and harsh tone. Like something plastic hit wood with a sharp sound.

The android could hear the kid start crying silently. This is quality time for this bitch!? Hank’s systems were going haywire. He wanted to get in there and snatch the kid and just get him out of this place. He could see a little of static again out of the corner of his eye, he took a deep breath to ventilate his overheating components. He raised his fist and gently knocked on the door.

“Yes?” Amanda opened the door and stood there, looking at the android with a raised eyebrow. He couldn’t see Connor but he could hear the young boy’s soft crying.

“I’m sorry, ma’am. It is close to Connor’s bedtime and I wanted to know if I should get him ready.”

The woman was quiet for a minute, regarding Hank with an icy stare.

“You will never interrupt again, Rk400. You will wait outside until we are finished, have I made myself clear?”

“Absolutely, ma’am. I apologize.” If Hank were human, he would have had some other words for this woman, but he wasn’t, so he stayed silent. Amanda looked at the android for a moment longer, before slightly angling her body away from the door.

“Connor, bedtime. We shall continue tomorrow.” The sound of a book closing followed by eager little footsteps approaching the door. Connor was there, holding his plush dog close to his chest. He wasn’t crying anymore, but his movements were quick and he rushed to get out of the room, or to get away from his mother. Hank wasn’t sure which, but he could take a pretty good guess.

The android grabbed the little boy’s hand and moved to lead him out of here when Amanda spoke again.

“Hendrik, bedtime does not include any type of stories or infantile games before he goes to sleep. Your programing might push you to it, but Connor doesn’t need to loose time in such a ridiculous fashion.”

“Yes, ma’am. Have a good night.” Hank wished he could tell this woman exactly what he wanted, but those were probably words Connor didn’t need to learn for a long time. He lead the boy to his room to get ready.

Connor’s room had a little ensuite, which would make calming down the boy a lot easier. Once they were inside the bathroom, Hank picked Connor up and placed him in the big counter next to the sink. His little face was flushed by crying and he had tear tracks in his cheeks. The android grabbed a small cloth from a drawer and soaked it with warm water. It was kind of useless giving the fact that Connor had to take a shower anyways, but Hank thought this could help calm him a little.

He gently cleaned the boy’s face and watched as Connor uncurled himself with his soft movements. His breathing calmed a little and his eyes were not watery anymore.

“There, that’s better. Right, kiddo?” Connor gave a small nod while looking at the android.

“Tell you what. Why don’t we choose some nice PJ’s and then you can take a warm shower so you can get some rest.” The boy nodded and both approached the wardrobe in the room. Connor opened a different side of it that Hank hadn’t seen yet. He took out some pajamas and went back into the bathroom. After Hank confirmed that the boy could take a shower by himself, he told him he was going to wait right outside the door just in case he needed him. He cranked his hearing a little just in case.

A while later, Connor came out of the bathroom sporting the pajamas he picked. They were different from the ones he was using that morning but were equally big on him. The legs dragged and the sleeves went pass his hands.

“Aren’t those a little too big for ya, kid? I can look for other ones.”

Connor shook his head and lifted a little hand to point to his brother’s bed. Connor was wearing Nile’s pajamas.

“Alright, as long as you’re comfortable it’s cool.”

Hank took the boy back to the bathroom so he could dry his hair. He found one of those modern things to dry hair and did a quick search on how to use it. Eh, it looked easy enough. He sat Connor back on the counter and notice the little annoyed face he had.

“Don’t like this thing?” Connor shook his head. “I’ll be fast, ok? Promise.”

He didn’t want the boy to be uncomfortable, but he also knew he couldn’t sleep in wet hair. According to what he found on this hair drier it was supposed to work fast, so he was hoping that was true.

Connor placed his hands on both ears to block out the noise while Hank dried his hair. They were done fast and he took the boy back to his room. Hank thought that the fact the boy’s mother had forbidden him from telling the kid a story before bedtime was complete bullshit, but as he was quickly learning, most of the stuff this woman did were complete bullshit. He would think of a way in which he could go around this order while he was on his charging port. He wouldn’t disobey it, he would just…stretch it a little, see how it goes.

He pulled back the covers and picked the kid up. Once he was all set he pulled the covers on top of him and couldn’t help but to tuck him in, making sure he was all warm. Connor was still holding his little dog and looking at the android closely.

“All set?”

The kid nodded and Hank intended on turning the lights off and leaving the child for some much needed rest, but something in his processor stirred. He didn’t know what it was, but it warmed his core in a fuzzy way, not like he overheating, this was something different. Giving into the impulse, Hank raised a hand to ruffle the brown curls on the boy’s head and then placed a gently kiss on his forehead. He heard a small gasp coming from Connor and for a minute he was afraid he had overstepped with the kid. He pulled back a little and the next thing he knew, he had an armful of little boy.

He held Connor close until the kid pulled back to look at him.

“D-do you remember now?” Connor’s voice was quiet but full of hope.

Remember? Was he supposed to remember something? The confusion must have been clear on his face, but the boy didn’t seem to mind. Connor hugged him back, burying his face in the crook of the android’s neck.

“It’s ok. You’ll remember. Nines told me that you will.” Connor said that with such force that Hank wished he could remember whatever he had forgotten only to make this little boy happy. He felt some warm tears wetting his neck and moved to sit fully in the bed.

“Hey, now. It’s ok. You’re ok. Shhh.” The android pulled the kid in his lap so he could hold him properly and started rubbing his little back.

“I missed you a lot, Hank.” Tears kept coming from the boy and it completely broke Hank’s metaphorical heart. He didn’t know how long he was gone from the first time Amanda became his owner until now, but judging by Connor’s reaction, he was gone long enough.

He pulled the kid back a little and wiped the tears off his cheeks. He continued to rub his back to calm him down.

“Hey now, it’s ok kiddo. I’m here now. Not leaving any time soon, alright?” He held the boy for a little longer and gently tucked him back in bed.

“Try to get some sleep, bud. Long day, you must be wrecked. Get some rest. I’ll be here tomorrow, promise.” Connor nodded a little and nuzzled into the blankets with his plush back in his arms. Hank smiled warmly and ruffled his hair one more time.

“G’night kid.”

Connor closed his eyes and Hank moved towards the door. He turned the lights off and just as he was leaving the room, he heard a small voice say “I’m really glad you’re back” before the kid was completely out.

Hank felt that same warm feeling deep inside his core. He couldn’t explain him but this little boy made him feel things he wasn’t programed to feel. Technically, he wasn’t programed to feel anything. Period.

Heading back to the laundry room, Hank passed by Amanda’s bedroom. He could hear the TV on but didn’t pay any mind to it and continue his way until he heard the news anchor say something about androids. He stopped next to the door and tried to listen.

“Earlier today, the android representative, the AX400 named Kara, had a series of meetings with the city representatives. They keep discussing the topics of equal rights towards all androids and the liberation of any android still within their programing that may be kept captive by their former owners. Kara and President Warren are expected to have a meeting at the end of the month to discuss further issues. For the moment, androids have been recognized as sentient beings and laws are being issued to protect the integrity of-”

The sound stopped abruptly and Hank began moving again in case Amanda found him snooping about here. Androids were free now? That didn’t make much sense, why would they need that? And how did it even happen? Deviant his mind supplied. He vaguely remembered that word, but didn’t know much more about it. Androids broke their programing. They had rights now, not a lot of them, but they were not slaves anymore. He really didn’t know how to feel about that.

Hank got to his port and didn’t go into stasis immediately. The bitch, Amanda said that he had to be at the port once Connor was in bed, but she didn’t say he had to go into stasis, so he started thinking about all that happened so far.

So much had happened in just one day. It was kind of hard for him to wrap his head around it. First it was the fact that Hank apparently had two different memory swipes. One before he first came to work at the Stern house and the other one recently. He had no idea what had happened that needed him to have his memory erased and he didn’t know how much time he was missing in between these swipes. But even with him having all his memories erased, he could feel things that he shouldn’t. Something like a gut feeling but a lot deeper. Like he knew things within his core but didn’t remember them correctly.

Then there was Amanda. Boy was she a piece of work. All of his programs were conflicted in this part. His original programing wanted to kill report her for child mistreatment. It was clearly a common thing for Connor to feel so uneasy around his mother. The way she treated the boy was downright abusive and would warrant at least an investigation. He knew he couldn’t do anything like that, if not for anything else than his programing stopping him. But there was also the subject of Connor. This shy and quiet little boy that managed to warm Hanks systems with a single smile. Connor made him feel things he shouldn’t be capable of feeling. He wanted to protect this child, take him away from this horrid place and show him a home. He didn’t know what that was exactly, but he was sure he was more qualified to do it than this kid’s “mother” at least.

The android liberation was another issue. He had no idea that was happening in the city. He remembered the technician being nervous about the revolution when he was in the lab, but he had no idea that had already happened. It was technically illegal for Amanda to own him; he was a person now by the looks of it. He could report her he supposed, but all his thought went back to Connor. That kid needed him more than he could imagine. Hank wouldn’t leave Connor and that was clear as hell for him. He supposed he could run with Connor, if he broke his code. He had seen a bunch of software instabilities appear in his HUD, but he could still tell he wasn’t deviant.

What the hell would I do with a kid in the streets?

If they ran away, what then? Connor was human and Hank might be a person in the eyes of the law now, but that didn’t mean they were gonna hand him a human child just like that. Even if he could proof that Amanda was abusing the boy, they would probably just be taken into foster care or some shit and Hank wouldn’t allow that. Niles was also an issue. Sure, the android didn’t know him, but every time he looked at the picture of the three of them in his mind something inside him stirred. He could feel it that they had been very close at a time. Connor looked to be really close to his brother too, so he couldn’t expect the kid to just abandon him. So, he planned.

There wasn’t much to do except wait. He would bide his time and see what his possibilities were. He would try and break his programing without alerting Amanda and then pretend things were fine. Then he would try and make this kid’s life a little better without the pull of his programing in the way. He’d try and gather as many resources as he could and have them ready as a plan B, just in case that one day they would have to just up and leave. He had three months at the most to secure a plan and get it moving. Amanda would be taking him to get his programing checked in that time, so he had to act fast before she noticed what he was planning.

That was really all he could think about. There was not much more to do. He remembered the glitches from earlier. He could remember something about Connor crying and then nothing more. He didn’t know what happened precisely, but he wasn’t programed with investigative purposes for nothing. He knew they had installed some type of software to stop him from deviating. He supposed the glitches were due to that thing being in his program. So he would test it.

It was easy to do it now, his instructions were to not move until he had to get Connor up, so just by trying to move he saw that big red wall. He blinked a little and saw a string of code that was near him. It was an unknown code, the anti-deviancy program. Gotcha. Hank tried to touch the code but could feel his systems going haywire so he just left it. The android placed a hand in the wall and pushed lightly. He assumed that the code would act against any violent actions. He kept an eye on the code and put a little more pressure on the wall. He could feel it buzz and after a while he heard a crack. It was small, almost unnoticeable. Hank decided to leave it for now, he didn’t want the code to detect his intentions and start a reboot again. He would do a little push at the time, maybe he could break it like that. If he didn’t manage it by the end of the week, he would think of something else.

For now, he stored his plans in his back processor just in case and went into stasis. He would protect these kids even if it killed him.

[thedyingmoon]

💜 This I Promise 💜

***

LII. Captain

***

"Well?"

"Huh?"

"(F/N), the key."

"Oh! Alright, here it is,..."

Levi fought the urge to sigh and get annoyed after asking (F/N) for the third time that evening where the key to the house is.

But, then again, the girl was not to be blamed, for she had her fair share of champagne a few minutes prior.

And now, as Levi watched the girl as she rummaged through her reticule for the key, he could not help, but think: why did she let herself be this wasted?

Was it because of those heartless nobles who kept on criticizing her?

"(F/N), let me do it,..." said Levi as (F/N)'s key missed the keyhole for the fifth time. Ah, now she's getting dizzy,...

"I can do it." she drawled in a really slurred voice.

Levi raised an eyebrow. "Try saying that in the morning when you wake up."

(F/N) was about to say something when the man snatched the key away from her. Levi ignored her drunken plea as he successfully opened the door with ease.

And, as he let her enter first, a very random thought crossed his mind like a lone meteor in the night sky,...

... Kenny was trying to make (F/N) come with him,...

You're coming with me! He said.

I asked my man to look for someone, as well. He remembered the Duchess Fleminger's words to him.

Wait,...

He thought.

Was the Duchess looking for (F/N)?

Levi shrugged his head in disbelief and ignored the crazy idea that just crossed his mind. The Duchess had very few acquaintances. If there ever was, well, other nobles gossiped that they're either gone or were the King's former secret spies. Some insane ones even declared that she WAS, indeed, the King's former spy.

He could not help, but chuckle at the thought. A robust widow of four and sixty, how could someone as old and as fragile as her be a spy, let alone someone who's in everyone's conspiracy theories?

"Wait, Elvis?"

"What is it?" Levi whispered as he gently closed the door. He was just glad that Nile's family won't be home until four in the morning and that the servants were all asleep. If there's someone who's not, then, definitely, he would open the front door for them and not let (F/N) rummage drunkenly through her reticule in the first place.

"We left Erwin,..."

Ah, Erwin,...

"He's fine. Don't worry about him." he said as he lead her towards the living room.

"Are you sure about that?"

"Positive."

"Oh. Elvis, I - "

(F/N) whirled around to face him when her dizziness caused her to suddenly collapse, with her mind reeling, making her stomach lurch in three to four different directions. Levi caught her just in time before her body could even hit the ground.

"(F/N)!"

The girl looked up at him and suddenly saw three copies of him superimposed over each other. She shut her eyes, and when she opened them once more, the copies merged into one, worried, blue - eyed blonde. And a handsome one, at that.

"Elvis?"

"I'll get you a cup of tea,..." he said and gently lifted her up, careful not to make her even more dizzy as she was. He carried her towards the nearest sofa and laid her gently down.

He was surprised: for the first time, ever, he noticed that (F/N) was no longer that skinny compared to how she was back then when she was still in the Legion. As he brushed some (H/C) locks away from her hair, he noticed that she was much rosier now, and livelier. He was not sure if the effect was just the aftermath of too much champagne, but the seductive curves he was seeing surely wasn't the product of a drunken mind. She looked much fuller now. And she's heavier now. God, she was so skinny as stick back then,...

All in all, her stay in the Dawk household had done her much good compared to how she was in the Military, where she was often treated poorly.

He winced, suddenly remembering all the things that happened between them in the past, and was about to go to the kitchen to make her tea when the girl suddenly grabbed his arm, preventing him from leaving.

"Don't leave me,..." she said to him, her eyelids closing as sleep started to overcome her. "Stay,..."

Levi sighed and kneeled before her form.

"Do you really want me to stay?"

(F/N), despite her state, managed to conjure up the most wonderful smile that he had ever seen and nodded, her hand wandering close to his chest. And even before she could wander towards unknown territories of his body, he took her hand in his and kissed it, the sensation that he deprived himself of actually made him alive. In another way.

God! He really wanted to kiss her, already, and make her his!

But, of course, that was not feasible, as of the moment. He still had a promise to fulfill. He knew it would not be easy, but he also believed that it would all be so worth it.

And, after that, finally,...

"I love you,..." she suddenly whispered, making his eyes wide and his insides hotter than ever before. "I love you, so much,..."

"No." he replied and went closer towards her, their faces now only inches away from each other. "I love you even more." he said, actually surprised at the foreign tone he just let out. It sounded gentle, kind, soft,...

... and starving,...

He quickly took hold of her other arm as lips wandered to her smooth neck up towards her right earlobe, slightly nibbling on it. He felt the girl shiver, and when he looked at her once more, he knew it in an instant,...

... he wanted to make love with her,...

Oh, fuck! He thought as he was about to kiss her,...

... when the sound of shattering porcelain pierced his ears and his mood.

He looked up and noticed a wide - eyed Jonas staring at the two of them on the sofa, a forlorn saucer on his grasp, and the pieces of the broken cup on the marble floor along with its amber - colored content, now reaching the carpet,...

"What in the Hades are you doing to my cousin?!" Jonas whispered loudly, pointing the saucer at Levi.

"Wait! It's not,..." Levi began and realized it was too late for explanations now. "... what you think,... Bullshit,..."

He stood up, his lower region hurting too much because of deprivation of attention and went towards the teen.

Jonas stepped back like Levi was the undead and held the saucer out for defense, like the man was actually going to hit him.

"Step away, you - fornicator! I'm warning you,..." Jonas lamely threatened.

Levi clicked his tongue and grabbed the teen's shoulders, making poor Jonas shiver in fear.

"Step away, brat." Levi said as he forcefully made Jonas move away from the doorway that lead to the kitchen.

"Hey! What are you doing?" Jonas said, trying too hard to not wake up the household. "Get back here and fight like a - a man!"

No word was heard from Levi, until five minutes later when he reemerged, a dustpan on one hand and a plastic bag on the other.

Jonas watched, dumbfounded, as Lord Elvis Shunerman started picking the pieces of broken teacup carefully and putting them into the bag. After that, he stood, went back to the kitchen, and appeared once more, and this time, holding a wet rag that seemed dipped in lemon - scented cleaning substance. The teen was even more confused when the haughty Lord started wiping the floor, ridding it of the menace of the spilled tea and preventing it from creating even more stains on the floor.

After that, Shunerman stood up and went back to the kitchen, and when he did not return, Jonas finally followed him and found him rummaging through the shelves like a thief.

The teen carefully put the saucer down and grabbed the broom, ready to fight if the need arises. It seemed that in the boy's opinion, Lord Elvis Shunerman had become insane.

"What are you doing?" Jonas asked, his hand trembling, making the poor weapon of his choice look pathetic than ever before.

Elvis faced him, his hands still rummaging through the shelves, and raised an eyebrow.

"It seems that you just had an upgrade." the man told him in a hoarse voice. After that, he faced the shelves once more. "But, it won't do anything against me, believe me, brat."

"You - THIEF! Get your hands off those shelves!"

And the man did! Only to obtain three different boxes of rare tea leaves.

"I only ever drank black. We don't have enough supplies, you know." he said as he read the label on the boxes. "Lavender infused? It's a flower, right? I didn't know that it could be made into tea. And, what's this? Morning tea? And,... ginger,... very interesting,..."

"Drop those, now!" Jonas weakly threatened as he waved the broom about him, looking more and more pathetic as time went by.

The noble put the boxes down on the table and went back towards the shelves to fetch a kettle.

"Which one would you like?" he simply asked. Jonas could never stop the man from what he was doing. Simply put, he was beginning to make himself a cup of tea. And he even offered him some!

"I don't drink lavender! It's for girls!"

"Oh, really?" Levi drawled sarcastically. "Then, what was that you spilled on the floor?"

He turned to the teen once more and saw him still holding the broom, like he was about to swat a cockroach. He sighed and sat on one of the chairs, waiting for the water to boil.

"I told you, already. It won't do anything to me."

"Shut up!"

"And how would you consider yourself a Scout if you could not even make a strange man leave your house?" Levi asked, putting his elbows on the table and interlocking his fingers, covering the lower part of his face with them, his eyes still not leaving the teen.

Jonas slowly lowered the broom in confusion.

How in the world - ?

"How did you know I want to join the Legion?" Jonas asked a bit calmer, but still not letting his guard down.

"I just,... know things,..." the man closed his eyes and started rubbing his aching temples. "Ah, fuck, I've had this thing on for long, I'm starting to get a headache."

Jonas watched in disbelief as the man removed his blonde hair, revealing raven - colored ones. One movement of his hand also removed the thick pair of blonde pseudo eyebrows, revealing dark, thinner ones. One last movement of his long and slender fingers removed the unbelievably believable fake nose, revealing a much smaller, pointed one.

One look at him and it finally sank in,...

... that Lord Elvis Shunerman was naught,...

He was,...

... a different man, altogether.

"C-captain!" Jonas stuttered as he finally dropped the broom on the floor, his eyes wide as the saucer he held earlier. "CAPTAIN!"

"No. Right now, I'm not." Levi simply told him. The kettle started whistling, and before it could make any more noise, he whisked it away and started preparing for his much awaited drink. "Now, I'm asking you for the last time, or you won't get any. What would you like?"

"Lavender." Jonas mumbled and collapsed on the chair across from Levi's. He looked at the man once more and confirmed even further that he was, indeed, the honorable Captain of the Scouting Legion, Levi Ackerman, himself.

"You're Humanity's Strongest. A man whose strength is comparable to that of an entire brigade. You replaced Mike Zacharius from his title,..."

"Replaced Mike?" Levi started pouring the kettle's contents on a porcelain pitcher. "I did not replace him or anyone in the Legion!"

"But, you did! He was Humanity's Strongest before you!"

Levi raised an eyebrow and waved the pitcher's lid in some gesture before putting it back on the pitcher, his silence on the mattter almost killing Jonas.

"I never said I was the strongest. The lot of you did." he answered and went back to his chair.

"What are you even doing here? Where is the real Elvis Shunerman? And, now that I think about it, who are you to (F/N)?"

"You ask too many questions, brat." Levi answered as he ran a hand through his dark hair.

"What are you doing here?"

"I came to fulfill a promise."

"To whom?"

Levi did not answer. Instead, his tired eyes wandered towards the doorway that lead to the living room,...

... where (F/N) currently slept.

"I don't understand any of this! How are you even connected to her? The moment we came to see her, she can't remember a damn thing! Not even her name! What happened to her? Are you involved in it? Is that why you're here?"

"I'm afraid I can't answer all of your questions."

"And why is that?"

"It's for your own good."

Jonas didn't say anything else. He remained silent for the rest of the preparation for the tea, and when Levi finally gave him the cup of Lavender - infused tea for girls, his tongue went active, once more.

"You are the cause of her memory loss."

"Yes."

"I can't know why or how."

"That's right."

"Your promise is to bring her back, am I correct?"

"More or less."

"More,... or less?"

"Yes."

"I' am not allowed to know what else?"

"Yes." Levi poured himself a cup of Lavender tea and began sipping.

"You said that's for girls."

"I did not. You did."

"Oh, right."

Jonas went silent once more and decided to sip the tea that the renowned Legion Captain made for him. It was,... not bad!

"So, are you,... were you,... in a relationship? You and (F/N)?"

Jonas noticed the slight tremble in the Captain's hand as he held the cup in a most peculiar way, by the rim, and slowly took a sip. He brought the cup down and hummed.

"Hmm, not bad. But, it could be better." Levi said as he stood up and went towards the shelves once more to ransack them once more. "Hey, kid, you have sugar and cream?"

"Y-yeah, they're on the second shelf." Jonas awkwardly answered.

"Ah, there, found them." Levi took them out and went back to his chair. He started adding sugar and cream to his own cup of lavender. "Lavender. Tea of the nobles. They can be pretty pretentious."

"Sorry?"

"Pretentious. They are not aware of one thing's beauty. Why do they even need to add sugar or cream to an already flavorful drink?"

"I don't understand, Captain, I - "

"And, when they realize their fault, they try to cover them up with additives that don't make any sense. And when it's too much,..."

Levi looked at Jonas' eyes once more after the third teasepoon of sugar and the fourth tablespoon of cream, his eyes as solemn as a judge's before numerous sinners.

"... they eliminate them without a single, fucking, thought." Levi took the cup once more and sipped, and almost gagged.

"Shit. Look, the thing has become even more complicated than before. You can't even see the Lavender for what it is, anymore. Ah, such a waste, this is,..." Levi stood up and threw the contents of his cup down the sink.

Jonas was still gawking at what the Captain just did, but then, he realized something,...

... the Captain cannot tell him anything regarding his business here, or his affiliation with (F/N),...

But, his weird opinion of Lavender?

Or,...

... was he even talking about the Lavender, in the first place?

What if he was trying to tell him something a lot more different? Something,... even more? He said pretentious. What if he was referring to something else other than Lavender? He said that Lavender is the tea of the nobles.

Nobles,...

Jonas eyes widened once more as realization hit him like a speeding bullet.

"Lavender,..."

"I don't like lavender, kid. I'll make myself a cup of ginger tea,..." Levi answered as he prepared himself a new one.

"No! (F/N). The reason she's here is because of the nobles, am I right? Or not exactly related,... You're trying to tell me that there has been a cover up of all the things regarding her! Come to think of it, she has a new name, a new title. But, it's not who she really is! But, her being here is a mistake, so someone is trying to dispose her because of it! Creating something out of another thing is tantamount to,... wait, the Commander was the one who brought her here! He has something planned for her. He was the one who gave her a new name and a title. But, why? Unless - !"

"Okay, kid. That's enough. I'm only referring to the lavender, not her." Levi said as he crossed his arms. For a space of a few moments, the kid had already scratched the surface of (F/N)'s very complicated situation. But, that's it. It's just a scratch.

The kid must not delve deeper into it. For his own safety.

"But, surely! You will not go here to Sina for nothing! Something's going on here! And not just love - related,..."

"Okay, you're embarrasing me, brat. Enough of your chit - chat,..."

"But, I assumed right, am I right? I'm smart, right?" Jonas said, his eyes full of wonder and excitement.

"Seriously, kid,..."

"So, will you let me join the Legion now?"

"No."

"Aww, come on! Don't you care about me spreading the word that you tried to kiss the Commander's fiancee'?"

"That's blackmail, brat. Don't you think that's going too far for your selfish dream?"

"It's not selfish!" Jonas stood up and banged his fists on the table. He regarded Levi down as seriously as he could, mustering all his strength to face the Captain. "I want to join the Scouting Legion, because I wanted to help humanity! It's the truth!"

"You want to help humanity? Don't you care what happens to your mother and father should you perish outside the Walls? You'll break their heart."

"I will not perish! Please, just give me a chance. I can't convince the Commander, but maybe, I can convince you. I've trained hard enough for this. Just let me prove to you that I can be a good Soldier!"

Levi brought his fingers to his chin and hummed.

"No, you're not. To me, you're not trained enough."

"But, you can train me to be better!"

Levi decided for a while.

He can't mess up with this. The kid haven't even seen Titans, yet. Will he still be courageous after seeing them kill humans?

But, then, he can see something in his those eyes,...

... he can see,...

"Alright, kid. But, I'll be the one to tell if you're ready or not, got it?"

"Yes!" Jonas jumped as he rejoiced at the Captain's answer. "I won't fail you, I swear!"

"On one condition,..."

"What is it?"

"I tell you to hide. You hide. I tell you to run, you don't fight. You run. And finally, I tell you to decide, you decide on your own and see to it through the end without any remorse. The outside world is a place of danger, but there is freedom should one decide to fight. But, right now, danger is lurking in the shadows, maybe even here inside the confines of your home. So, when I tell you to hide, you hide. I tell you to run, you don't fight. You run. And finally, I tell you to decide,..."

"I decide on my own and see to it through the end without any remorse. Got it."

Levi sighed and stood up.

He may make a mess out of the kid's life for letting him in on his schemes and the Legion, in particular.

But, the damage was done. His disguise was out for Jonas to see.

He must see to his decision through the end,...

... without letting him know the full details of (F/N)'s existence here in Sina and the reason he wanted to take her away from here and Erwin as soon as possible,...

***

~ @levi4mikasa , @chocolate-mmilk , @super-peace-fangirl , @fangurl-ontgeside , @yepps , @shewolfofficial , @unhappysap , @nerdyphantomlady , and @emilyackerman78 . 💜

***

💜💜💜

***

[riyuyami]

I could write all the stuff with Atem avoiding Heba like the plague to protect him and Heba feeling like Atem doesn’t love him anymore, buuuuttttttt...

I can leave that for someone else to do, I just wanna write Myia and Rebekka being done with their angsty bullcrap!

And a special shoutout to @jocelynhealy for helping me pick out Atem’s royal name of Lukatum! Thank you for the suggestion! 

And another special shoutout to @celepom for a bit of Atem and Heba’s dialogue from this amazing comic!

--

Rebekka growled loudly as she pulled on her hair, that is it! She was sick and tired of these two sky-haired fools!

For two decades or so she’s had to put up with Atem avoiding his precious, healing scribe as if he was infected with some sort of deadly infection (which he was not, she proudly noted, her skills as a medic were that good!). And then there’s Heba himself, feeling so upset about this, wondering if he did something wrong, if Atem hated him for running off and getting kidnapped!

Well, she was done with this! There was only so much of this she could take before she was going to have to take things into her own hands!

Luckily for her, the scribe’s older sister wanted in on this and was more than happy to go fetch her little brother so that he would have a ‘talk’ with his distant lover.

Rebekka marched to her husband’s quarters and threw open the doors. “LUKATUM!” She shouted, hearing a sharp yelp from one of the rooms. She rushed towards his game room, finding a startled god king, holding a book in his hands, his eyes wide. “There. You. Are.” She hissed sharply, stomping her way up to him.

“Uhh... is there anything I can do for you, Rebekka?” He asked, actually looking very uncomfortable, and a bit fearful.

Good, she wanted him to be.

“You are coming with me. Right now!” She barked, jabbing a finger against his forehead, much to his displeasure. “I am tired of you avoiding Heba!”

“I am doing so such-”

“Shut it!” Rebekka screeched like a rabid harpy, and Atem shut his mouth. She narrowed her eyes and placed her hands on her hips. “I am sick of this, of you never speaking to Heba unless if you are being all business-like in court! Yet you stare at him with sad want! As if he is behind glass and you are unable to break through, you can only stare, not touch!”

Atem looked at her, narrowing his own eyes. “This is not your concern.”

Rebekka let out a sharp laugh at this. “Bullshit, Atem! This IS my concern! Heba is my friend, and you are breaking his heart by avoiding him! I’ve seen him try to reach out to you, but you just turn away! He tries to speak, but you run off! He has sat outside your doors, too scared to knock! And don’t think I have not seen you in the scroll chamber, looking over his writings! Why are you pushing him away? Talk, or you’ll face the wrath of my dragon Ka...” She growled.

Pharaoh stared at her hard, before his eyes softened as he looked at the book in his lap. “I... am the reason he ran away, I am the reason he was kidnapped and almost killed. If I push him away, he will not love me anymore and he will be safe, I can’t see him hurt again, I just can’t...”

The Royal Wife looked at him carefully, her eyes looking sad, before they flashed with anger. “You are a stupid boy!” She snapped. “I get it, you do not wish to see him harmed, but get this! He is as involved with the events of this place as you are! You know he will do anything to defend you, and that means throwing himself into trouble, even if you try to make him stop loving you!”

She grabbed his arm and yanked him to his feet. “No matter what you do or say, Heba will always love you! You are a stupid man, Lukatum! I know in your culture I could be killed for saying such a thing, but guess what! I’m not from here! I can say whatever is on my damn mind, and I say you are an idiot!”

He wanted to snap at her, tell her to go mind her own business, but she yanked him towards the doorway. “Release me! Let go, viper!”

“Not until you speak to Heba!”

“It’s best if I don’t!”

“Shut it! Do you love this boy?”

“Y-Yes!” He shouted as he was pulled towards the hallway, damn, for someone shorter and thinner then him, her grip was like the strongest iron! “I love him more than anything...!”

“Then for the love of Hermes, you better damn well tell him that! Uhg, I had been told by others here that the two of you were so sweet to one another it was like you were speaking words made of honey! You are the one blessed by the sun, yes? You represent the sun as a human? Well in my culture, the sun is a big flirt, and that means that you as the sun should be a big flirt to! You are gonna flirt with Heba when you see him, or so help me, I will flirt with him for you but really for myself cause he is the cutest thing I’ve ever seen! And hey... if you want him to hate you...”

She turned and gave him a wicked smirk that send a cold shiver down his spine. “That means I have a chance with him.”

Something snapped in Atem’s head, and he growled. “Don’t you DARE! He is mine! My lover! My moon! And no one else can have him but me, just as not one can have me but him!” He shouted at her, but she just kept that smirk on her face.

“Oh really? Just moments ago you wanted him to hate you.”

“Do not remind me of what I said, Rebekka, I know what I had said about this!”

“My, my, what a temper tantrum you seem to be throwing, Great Pharaoh.” She replied, sounding rather bored as she continued to walk with him, holding his wrist tightly as she looked at the nails of her other hand. “What will he say when he sees you like this?”

“Stop trying to boil my blood!”

“Atem?”

Rebekka and Atem came to a stop, seeing that just a few feet ahead of them stood Myia, holding tightly to Heba’s arm. He looked like he had been crying and that broke Atem’s heart to see.

The two blonde women stared at one another before Myia smirked. “Ready?”

“Ready!” Rebekka cheerfully replied, much to the confusion of the boys.

They only had moments to realize what these ladies had planned, when Myia shoved open a door they were close to, throwing her little brother inside. Atem yelped as he was shoved into the room by Rebekka and the door was pulled shut, the girls holding onto the door’s handle to keep the boys from opening it.

“W-What is the meaning of this?!” Atem yelled, banging on the door. “Let us out!”

“It’s no good, Myia is going to keep us in here until she deems us worthy of leaving.” Heba sighed, looking at his king.

Atem frowned and glanced at him, reaching out a hand. “Are you alright, Heba?”

Heba looked at the offered hand before he glowered, swatting at it. “No, I am not alright! What is going on, Atem?! Why do you act like I do not exist, or if I am just some servant that you will never remember the face of? Did you discover that you don’t actually...” He was shaking, staring hard at the ground as he stood up.

“What happened? What happened in those few days I was unconscious...? What did I do wrong to make you hate me?!”

“Nothing!” The king screamed, catching Atem off-guard. “You did nothing wrong! I don’t hate you, but I can’t be near you!”

“W-why not?!”

“Because I am the reason you ran away! I should have told you that I suspected that there would be a marriage, but I had hoped to negotiate a different plan so I wouldn’t have to do it! And then you ran off when the marriage plans began! And then... And then Akifa kidnapped you, and when I found you, you were injured! I caused you pain! And when you came back... your hand... you were barely breathing...”

Atem would never get the image of Heba in the dragon’s claws, looking like a broken toy, out of his mind as long as he lived. 

“If I keep you away... I can’t hurt you again... if I make you hate me, you will be alright...” He fell back against the door before dropping to the floor.

Heba watched him, biting his bottom lip. So his lover was avoiding him... to protect him? “That... you sound like me...” He mumbled. “When I had ran away, it was to protect you, if I had stayed, I would have ruined the treaty and your marriage...”

They looked at one another, red meeting blue. “... I feel like Rebekka is right to call me an idiot.” Atem sighed, but blinked when he heard Heba snicker.

“She called me a foolish boy when I woke up after those few days in the medical ward. She told me how you acted when I left...” He smiled sadly. “Do you... do you really love me still?”

“Heba...” Atem moved to stand. “My moon... you are as vital to my life as the Nile is to the land. No treasure in this world could compare to that of your love. I love you more than my kingdom.”

Heba’s eyes widened, hearing these words. There was only truth in those statements, and in the king’s eyes. A small laugh came from Heba as tears pricked his eyes. “How irresponsible, my Pharaoh!” He grinned and moved up to him, hugging tightly. “Oh Atem, please do not worry about me like you have. I am not weak and needing protection all the time. I wish to fight by your side, if you are in a mess, then I shall join you. I will always be by your side, I fought in your name against Akifa to defend you.”

Atem blinked, staring down at him, before a genle smile came to his lips as he wrapped his arms around the scribe. “Oh my dear moon, I am so sorry, I just couldn’t handle seeing you hurt.”

“Nor can I bare the idea of you being hurt and I do nothing to help you. Please, do not avoid me or push me away, let me remain by your side.”

“So be it.” Atem smiled a little more, leaning down to gently kiss him on the lips, a tender one that was enough to show just how much he loved this young man in his arms.

It had gone unnoticed, but the girls had thrown them into Mahado’s study, and the priest and his apprentice quietly watched the scene unfold from behind a bookshelf. Both looked at each other with relieved happiness, even they were tired of the dark clouds that had hovered above those two lovers for the past two decades.

Well, they went unnoticed until Mana dropped something, startling the boys and annoying Mahado.