#I see dialogue as a buzzword and go off the deep end

[danganronpa96]

This might be a redundant question depending on how you look at it, but how do you write a fanfic crossover made up of a random cast of characters.

Because I tried it myself and the dialogue felt way too off for me. Do you have any advice for that?

I think this is a good question actually. Dialogue is a very important part of a character — the way someone speaks is a heavy reflection of their character. In fact, it’s a mixture of what they say, and how they say it (accents, stutters, pauses, hiding information, sharing too much etc.).

The first place to start is to just listen to the character. Either watch, or read (depending on the medium the character comes from) them speak. Try to find different situations, some where they are happy, sad, angry, conflicted, etc. See how they react to different situations, and how their language changes. What words do they usually say? When do they break their usual conventions? Do they have specific speech habits?

Next, see how they interact with other characters within their media. This may be harder if they’re a minor character or don’t interact often with people. Still, try to interpret their relationships with what information you have already.

Now, this is where your creative control comes into play. How does this character interact in a crossover setting? Knowing how they speak to certain types of people already, how would they talk to a character with traits that they like? Don’t like? Talk too often? Too quiet? Who are abrasive? Give them kindness?

I already enjoy writing dialogue, so these things kind of just come naturally to me. But if you feel like your dialogue is off, try to think about how you speak to others in a normal conversation. Think about the tone of the conversation too. Is it a light-hearted chat between friends? Or is it a more formal meeting between acquaintances? Context is a major factor of how the dialogue should flow. I like to think about the types of colloquial phrases characters would say. Things that roll off the tongue without too much thought. A lot of characters tend to speak before they even think, especially in tense situations.

If it helps, also plan a summary of the conversation. How does the topic spark? What is the goal of the speakers? How does new ideas or speakers get introduced, or removed?

It takes practise, but as long as you’re having fun, and taking breaks when you get stuck, you’ll get there ^^

[totalfrybag87]

I’ve never seen people so divided over an episode of The Boys before. Granted I wasn’t active in the online fandom until the tail end of the Season 3 rollout but I digress. What did y’all think if the newest episode? (Under the cut are my thoughts)

So um. I’m really half-n-half with this week’s episode.

There are a lot of things that I enjoyed:

- A-Train saving MM and then him and the kid smiling at each other at the hospital (kripke do not harm my pookie…)

- The Joe Kessler hallucination reveal (even though it was obvious, JDM ate that monologue UP!)

- A-Train and Kimiko interaction cuz how tf does Tek Knight have the perfect titles for books in there??? Also the last time they interacted (from what I remember) is from season 1 where they tried to kill each other so seeing them cooperate is cool.

- The Deep giving the new Noir some direction, something he desperately needed, and effectively radicalizing him (also shows how with a little push from Sage he went off the deep end. Ha.)

- The key book unlocking the dungeon being 120 days of sodom because…. Ofc it is

- Dumb sage interacting with HL and Victoria

- HL realizing he ain’t that smart when it comes to politics and can’t buzzword his way into political domination AND ALMOST CRYING LMAO? Also it affirmed what Barbara said in episode 4 about his need for love.

- Victoria saving HL’s ass cuz SHE is the actual politician and knows what she’s doing #girlboss

- Breast milk nut shot, had me screaming early in the morning cuz that actually shocked me

- Tek Knight being tortured via Starlight, Kimiko, Hughie (and Laddio) donating millions to causes that go against him i.e. The Innocence Project

- Tek Knight dying HALLELUJAH!!! Get that racist rich man gone.

- Hughie acknowledging that he was not okay at the end because with the shit he went through, no one would be.

But, I do have my gripes:

- Hughie’s SA scene. Way too long. Did I have to see him get violated for like half the episode?

- The dialogue. This emcompasses multiple episodes but the dialogue is so…. Edgy? To the point where it’s cringeworthy at times. It’s like that meme “If Vivziepop Wrote The Boys” and it’s just unecessary cursing or awkwardly placed cussing. Like why are these grown adults cursing like middle schoolers who just discovered “fuck shit bitch” for the first time?

- The Supe Virus. Sooooo it was fucking useless okay. But this does leave the door open for Sage. She is obviously not on Homelander’s side, she’s just there for her master plan of overthrowing him (that caesar line? Come on). I feel like she could pull off some double agent shit and help The Boys with the virus. If she can discover a cure for a disease at 11, she can definitely adjust the inner workings of a virus in her 30s. I hope that’s what happens in this season or at least in the next season. (Writers do not fail me now)

- Eric Kripke admitting that Hughie’s SA scene was supposed to be funny like bro what? You were able to handle Annie’s with grace but now that it’s a guy it’s funny now? I can understand making his situation somewhat comedic but really disturbing cuz that’s how I initially interpreted it and it’s really absurd if you decide to unpack the scene (okay i’m going undercover, wuh oh now i’m in a sex dungeon and am about to be dominated :0). But yeah, weird asf. Poor Hughie man. SOURCE

- This episode felt like filler. It’s like they sacrificed narrative progression for Hughie getting tortured. Let’s see what exactly happened in this episode that moved the general narrative forward (at least what I picked up on): A-Train redeeming himself more leading to his eventually defection from The Seven, Joe Kessler hallucination reveal, Sage sorta kinda losing her reliability with HL due to her getting shot in the head, The Deep radicalizing Black Noir 2, The Boys getting dirt on Victoria I guess. Idk I feel like we could’ve gotten more relevant plot moments had they just cut up the SA scene.

But that’s just what I think, lemme know your thoughts.

[imdreaminadream]

The results pt 2 ~ “What about it makes you cringe?” Category 1

( - prologue.   - part 1  - category 2  - category 3)

Okay so this is the results to the question in the quiz, What about it makes you cringe. In reference to the questionnaires core subject about smut fanfics.

 Also quick psa there will be a part for the results for the other question -  “In kpop fics, Korean words i.e. jagiya, seem to be a no no, would you like to elaborate why?”

Now note these particular results are going to be split into 3 posts because I decided to split the results into 3 categories. 1 - Writing Aspects. 2 -  Personal Preferences. 3 - Genuine Problems.   

>THIS POST IS CATERGORY 1<

DISCLAIMER BELOW. (please read that before continuing)

This is going to be a long post. The responses were very enlightening but please don’t take this as an attack. Consider this more as constructive cheat sheet to good smut writing or just ignore it if you don’t agree with it. Some of this did get a bit deep appropriate trigger warnings will be put on the appropriate posts but I’m not sorry it got deep fics can also affect real life as much as we wish it were something that didn’t mix in with real life, it does. I’m no official like sex guru or big-time writer, or what ever BUT I did add little advice underneath each answer, which are just a reflection of the people’s answers. Again if you don’t like the sounds of this don’t take it personal and click off. 

Writing aspects.

Poorly written/typos – Nearly all of the people said that, poorly written, bad grammar and lots of typos made them cringe. Answers said that sometimes works are so poorly written it comes across as though the person writing doesn’t know how sex works. Now by poorly written they talked about, the plot being non sensical, choppy or lacking decent grammar, too many typos, using words in the wrong context, repetitive language. They also specified they understand not everyone’s first language is English but the least that can be done is proofreading of the works by them or someone else. And many people cried over the use of first person, they felt it brings them out of imagining the fic. 

Language used – So they we’re talking about strange words for body parts especially genitals, and just weird terms and phrases in general. Regarding body parts, everyone mentioned that childish or full-on scientific names for genitals was the worst. Feedback suggests calling it a dick, cock – although some commented that cock sounded too vulgar, and pussy. Also referring to female’s arousal as juices was a common answer, to quote one of my fav answers “so none of that her juices coated my fingers’ Like bitch it aint orange juice.” Then for weird terms and phrases, no specific example was given but I’m certain they meant things that literally every man and their dog would not say, ever! Personal opinion here but, “you like what you see?” and “Your wish is my command.”, and “tongues fighting for dominance.” should die off. It’s overused and I’m sick of seeing it – pretty sure no one says that during sex in real life anyway.

So, to avoid it alls you need to do is use second or third person, proofread, and learn how sex works if you don’t know. Also, best way to proofread it to leave it a few days then come back and read it again – also there are apps like Grammarly that help with your writing too. (PSA I personally love proofreading work, because I’m weird like that, so if you ever want me to proofread drop me a message/anon.)

So, take a moment to consider what you are writing, again proofreading is very helpful, and just stick to the mature ways to say dick/pussy. Suggestion here if you can’t write it the mature way, stop writing smut fics because clearly you’re either not mature enough or uncomfortable (to be) writing smut. 

Dialogue – Too much dialogue and not enough action cropped up a number of times. Also that the dialogue written is cringy essentially, Then there was too much dirty talk, and dirty talk that shouldn’t even be considered dirty talk which commented a lot in regards to dialogue. And although I think I wrote about this answer previously but weird words, exaggeration, and choppiness in the dialogue. (someone commented over use of buzzword but idk what buzzwords are.) May I also personally add that written fake stutters irritate the living day lights out of me just stop.

---- I actually did another questionnaire about this, it didn’t garner same amount as this one but it gained a good few responses. The answers should be available to see, if you want you can take a look at that to see more about people thoughts when it comes to dirty talk in fics. ----

Advice is, keep in mind when writing dirty talk what sounds good, to plausible, to terrible. Just think about what sounds realistic as well, draw on your own experiences or what you want to be said to you. Also, if you don’t find it sexy don’t write it for everyone else’s sake or to fit in with the trend, stay true to yourself but try to vary it up for each fic you write.

No build up – They talked about how some fics go straight to the dicking down, to action, with no build up or a bit of sensical plot, and it doesn’t work. Or if the characters haven’t even talked and suddenly, they’re down to fuck. They expressed it doesn’t make sense and doesn’t feel like the characters are even that interested, as though they’re fucking for the sake of fucking. This also ties in with some comments that said sometimes people fail to remember smut isn’t just about being railed, it is also about connections with people and making love so going straight to the fucking, fails to make the reader want to continue reading.

The solution to this is to reference history/tension or build up the tension between characters, or just set the scene a little bit before getting straight into it. Also remember no one is having sex without some foreplay and if they are it isn’t very good, so don’t let it be like that in your writing. 

Lack of realism/inaccuracies – Okay so this was mainly in regard to sex, the way the body works and some scenarios. To elaborate, people said that there are just some sex positions and places to have sex that just don’t work. In example one person wrote how sex in a gaming/office chair doesn’t work well and they know through personal experience. So, for the readers it’s just super unrealistic that it happens, and it leaves the reader either fixated on figuring out how that is possible or cringing because they know it’s not possible rather than reading the rest of the fic. There’re also just some ways the body doesn’t work I’m not going to go through examples there are so many, but we all know what is meant. Also, I’ll mention that kinks also were apart of the lack of realism, I’ll talk more about that in the next post.

So, based on this the only thing I can say is keep it real and keep it accurate as possible. Like we know its fiction but consider how ridiculous some of the stuff you’re writing may be, how impossible it is. Just don’t be afraid to google things – you can actually freeze and delete your search history – to double check or educate yourself about. Or ask for advice, draw from experience, or maybe try it out yourself with or without your partner then reflect that in your writing.

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END OF CATERGORY 1

(Feel free to discuss in comments, in my messages or send anons or anything like that if you want.)

Tag list

@nctsworld, @lauraneuuh, @jooniyah, @ceoofxiaojun, @lovemayble @hyucksie​ @myelle-n

- if anyone else wants to be tagged for the next parts let me know via anon or dm -

[carryonsimoncarryonbaz]

4, 8, 11 for the writing asks?

Thank you so much for the ask!! These are such good questions, even though the second one was challenging to answer--my first thought was “My favorite dialogue? Do I write dialogue? Why can’t I think of any dialogue?” 

also sorry this is so long

4. How many fic ideas are you nurturing right now? Care to share one of them?

TOO MANY!!! I have so many WIPs and ideas jotted down. Sequels to current fics, epilogues to other fics. New ideas. I have about 10-12 pending ideas on my list, in various stages of completion. I will share that I have a Harry Potter slightly crack one in the works and a Regency AU pending.

For example, here’s a snippet of the running list on my phone:

8. Share a snippet from one of your favorite dialogue scenes you’ve written and explain why you’re proud of it.

I’m going to post a few, if that’s ok, for different reasons. 

First one is from my fic Can’t Find My Way Home. It was a tender moment of revealing a long standing love of Simon from Baz and it was supposed to be awkward and romantic and vulnerable and I was proud of how it came together with their back and forth. 

Chapter 7-CFMWH, Simon POV:

“Alright, I know I was a complete wanker at school.”

I snort. “No argument there.”

Baz darts a sidelong look at me. “Yes, well.” He takes a deep breath and then exhales a rush of air without speaking. He frowns and glances at me again. “This is going to sound ridiculous.”

 “Don’t care. Come on. Spill. For someone who’s in such a rush to get to the airport, you’re taking far too long giving a simple explanation now.” It’s exhilarating to see him so uncertain. I’m usually the one tripping over my words. I tug on his hand, reminding him that I’m holding it. 

He pinches the bridge of his nose with his free hand, closes his eyes and takes another breath. “Fine. Yes, I was a wanker, I’ll admit that.” His eyes stay closed. “I’m a bit of a prick in general, even Dev and Niall won’t argue that point, but I was quite a prick to you, Simon.” His chews on his bottom lip and I’m dazed at this side of Baz I’ve never seen before. 

This reluctant, hesitant side of him.

It doesn’t last long. 

“Oh, fuck it all.” His eyebrows come together and he turns to look at me, lips in a thin line and forehead creased. Alright. This is more like the Baz I know. It still makes me want to smile though. “There’s no good way to say this so I’ll just come out with it.” 

His fingers squeeze mine painfully hard. “I’ve liked you for so long, Simon. Maybe even from the first day we met.” He shakes his head at what must be my no-doubt incredulous expression. “Let me just finish. I can’t believe I’m actually confessing to this. You asked for an explanation and I’m doing my best to give you one, painfully mortifying as it may be.”

 His frown shifts to something softer, but more troubled and uncertain. “Simon, you were all I could think about. By fifth year, you were in my thoughts day and night, even when I was home for the holidays. I never wanted you to know. I’d no hope you’d like me that way.” His brow furrows again. “You were Simon Snow, the boy everyone liked, the gorgeous, straight boy all the girls swooned over. The Headmaster’s chosen one.” His eyes flick away from me. “I was the posh arsehole everyone disliked.” 

I tug on his hand. “Baz, the girls swooned over you far more than they swooned over anyone else.” It was true. Even Agatha had a crush on Baz. That was one of the reasons I’d disliked him. How could I ever measure up to Baz? “Fuck, Baz. Even I thought you were fit.” 

His eyebrows go straight up to his hairline and it’s my turn to blush. “What?”

 I roll my eyes. “You heard me.” 

Baz’s features settle into a look I know well, one eyebrow arched and he repeats my own words back to me. “I want to hear you say it again.” There’s a quirk to his lips now. 

“Arsehole.” 

“No argument on that.” He’s grinning now, the tosser. How did he turn things around like this? This was his confession, not mine. Bloody hell. He’s always managed to get me tripping over my own words. That’s not changed. 

“I said I thought you were fit.” I mumble the words, face flaming now. “Still do, you fucking twat.” 

“I’ve thought you were fit since I first figured out what that meant, Simon.” His smile becomes fond. “Still do.” Baz’s hand reaches up, fingers tracing my jawline. “I had such a hopeless crush on you, Simon Snow. I was so certain it was to be forever unrequited. I did everything I could to make you hate me, in the hopes of making myself hate you in return.” He leans closer. “I never managed to do that.” His lips crash into mine and it’s electric, the touch of him sending shivers through me, his fingertips leaving trails of heat along my face, my jaw, my neck. 

I’m breathless by the time he pulls back. 

“I suppose it’s never too late to apologize?” he asks. 

“I’m due eight years of apologies, Baz.” My heart is pounding in my chest. “If that’s how you intend to apologize then I mean to make sure you account for every single day.” 

This one is from my COMB fic Bad Case of Loving You, a medical Carry On AU. I’m proud of it because it’s funny and full of word play and it made me laugh out loud while I was typing it. This is a Baz POV. 

“What the fuck are you doing in here, Snow?”

“You called me Simon before.” He’s obviously still half asleep, the numpty.

“I most certainly did not. What the bloody hell are you doing in my call room and what the fuck did you do with my bed? Why on earth does it look like some boy scout barracks in here?”

Simon rubs his hand over his face and then scrabbles at his hair. “Mage. Didn’t you get the email?”

“What email?”

Snow yawns before answering. I can’t take my eyes off the line of his neck as he does. “The one about the A&E call rooms.”

“Why would I read an email about the fucking A&E call rooms?”

He squints at me. “Because it came from the chief administrator?”

I snort. “Spare me, Snow. Mage’s emails are bombastic diatribes or buzzword gibberish. I’ll pass.”

“Well, if you’d read it you’d know he combined the A&E call rooms with the surgical ones. For efficiency. He’s using our old call room for some administrative office now.”

“Fuck his efficiencies. You’re in my fucking call room, Snow.”

He sits up now, eyes narrowed as he glares at me, chin jutting out. Fuck, I know this expression.

“It’s our fucking call room now, Baz.”

“I think the hell not.”

Snow shrugs and sinks back down on the bed. “Check your emails next time. Now kindly fuck off and let me go back to sleep. I’ve only got a few hours before I have to relieve Gareth.”

“You fuck off, Snow. Get out of my bed. You’re the intruder here. If anyone’s going to get the bottom bunk it’s me. You want to sleep, then you take the top bunk. Now move.”

“Oh come off it, Baz. I’m already here. You take the top.”

“Snow. I’m not going to say this again. Shove off.”

“I don’t want to be on top. Christ, Baz, I’m always on the bottom. Don’t make me be on top.”

“Since when are you on the bottom? I didn’t even know there were bunks until two minutes ago.”

“It’s been weeks. I always take the bottom. Don’t like being up on top.”

“Well, you can bloody well get used to it. Fuck it, Snow, I’m knackered and I don’t want to be arguing when I could be sleeping. Move!”

“I’d think you’d prefer being on top, you can sleep anywhere. I’ve seen you sleep in a fucking chair, for Christ’s sake. I’m more comfortable on the bottom.”

“So am I!” I can’t believe I’m having an argument about bunks with this moron. I glare at him and he glares right back.

“Snow.”

“Baz.”

“Honestly, I don’t care what you prefer, top or bottom. You’re in my fucking bed, in my fucking call room, so kindly fuck right off and let me get some rest. I’m on the bottom and that’s the end of it.”

Snow’s still glaring but his face is all flushed now and he’s not meeting my eyes anymore, his gaze directed somewhere behind me.

I’m weighing the option of dragging him out of the bed versus the ignominy of letting him win and taking the top bunk myself, when my face starts to heat up, as the echo of my words repeats itself in my brain.

Oh fucking hell. I’m know I’m blushing furiously. I hadn’t realized how suggestive that whole exchange was and now I can think of nothing else.

If Snow’s face is any indication he’s in the same predicament. I just want this to be over. I can’t look at him anymore, I’m so mortified.

“Fine. Be obstinate. I’m getting some sleep.” I find the ladder and climb up to the top bunk with as much dignity as I can muster.

“You left the light on, you prat.”

“Not my problem, Snow.”

“Wanker.” I hear him shuffle to his feet, grumbling his way to the light switch. He flips the switch with more aggression than necessary then stomps his way back to the lower bunk.

I can hear him toss and turn. He huffs and shifts again. “Would you kindly shut up, Snow? Go the fuck to sleep.”

“It’s too hot.”

“Christ, I am speaking to Mage about this as soon as he’s back in the office. This call room situation is unacceptable. I cannot be expected to share a space with someone like you.”

“I could say the same.” Snow’s growling now.

“I’m not the one whinging and rustling and being an inordinately loud mouth breather.”

“Fuck off.”

11. Is writing your passion of just a fun hobby?

It’s a bit of both really. I’ve been writing since I was a kid. My first attempt at fanfic (long before I even knew what fanfic was) was a Battlestar Galactica story that I wrote when I was 12. I dabbled in creative writing for a while but then really gave it up in college. I didn’t really discover online fan fiction until I had surgery on my ankle a few years ago. My daughter had friends writing Marvel fanfic at that time and she was reading their stuff so I thought I’d check it out, to see what that was all about. And then I fell down the rabbit hole of Tolkien fanfic and it became a very steady hobby. A hobby that brought back the passion I have and always have had for writing. I’ve written quite a lot of Tolkien fic. I then started writing Yuri on Ice fic a year or so later. I started writing Carry On fanfic in Aug 2018 and it’s been truly a passion for me to return to writing after so many years away from it. Would I love to write a book someday? Yes, I truly would. Do I have ideas for something like that? Yes, I do. Do I indulge in writing fanfic as both a fun hobby and an intensely passionate desire to write–I most certainly do!

[renardtrickster]

ThePedanticRomantic Rebuttal: If You Like Goblin Slayer, You’re Probably A Hypocrite Edgelord

OH BOY I SURE DO LOVE ME SOME goblin slayer discourse cute people ALL OF THOSE THINGS. And you’re only going to get two of those.

First of all, ThePedanticRomantic, in a super-brave move that nobody could have possibly predicted, accuses Goblin Slayer of being an allegory for racism/muh borders/antisemitism/buzzword halfway through the video. Congratulations, nobody has even spewed up that hairball. In a previous draft, I went over how it’s very unlikely that a Japanese work would use largely european imagery when nine times out of ten, “vaguely european” is all that settings like this get. But let’s go over how that innately doesn’t make sense for propaganda.

Let’s say the Redhats make a propaganda piece against the Bluejackets. The piece would most likely, despite being for Redhats, focus entirely on Bluejackets. How depraved they are, how they’re evil, what they do, what they believe in, with the Redhats being relegated to “wow we killed them and are heroic”. Or at least that’s what I would do if I made propaganda that’s a phrase I shouldn’t say. Either way, Goblin Slayer does not operate like this. The depravity of goblins is either stated in passing dialogue, or shown for a few minutes, making up 10% of the anime. The other 30% focuses on killing them, and the other 60% focuses on Goblin Slayer as a character and his relationships. That seems rather odd for a propaganda piece, to focus on interpersonal matters.

Furthermore, why it’s focusing on Goblin Slayer. This isn’t just “Wow, Kill The Rapists: the Anime”. It’s focusing on Goblin Slayer and his dynamic with his party. What a lifestyle of encountering brutal sadists on a daily basis does to a person. What treating them with the same hatred they show to everyone does to a person. How he’s so socially stunted and probably mentally unwell from this career, how all his friends are vaguely scared of him, scared for him, and how this is shaping his whole life and how it will end probably poorly. A propaganda piece does not do something like that, they would focus on how noble and rewarding it is, not show how grim, dirty, and devoid of reward of even a promise of accomplishment it is. The Goblins are not a plot element to show how “imagine this is a race and we should kill them”, they’re a Necessary Weasel for a character like Goblin Slayer to come into being, and how it develops him.

Additionally, the thought-provocation was NEVER “is it okay to genocide the Goblins?”, it was “is it okay for one man to try undertaking that quest?”. Priestess wasn’t shell-shocked over “wow he killed babies that could have been good”, she was horrified by the fact that, after watching her friends be slaughtered, violated, or BOTH by the Goblins, Goblin Slayer waltzed in and did something equally horrific, even though it was necessary. Think of it this way, the concept of killing babies is horrific, but it was entirely justified in this situation. Doesn’t stop it from being horrifying. That’s like a kid learning that superheroes should capture bad guys and put them in jail, being put into a hostage situation, and being saved by shooting the criminal. That was morally justified because the criminal put a child in danger, but fucked up because the child witnessed death, and learned that nonlethality isn’t always the go-to option.

The bigger issue I have with this video is the point Pedantic is making largely. That Goblin Slayer is JUST AS BAD as Sword Art Online when it comes to handling rape. The problem isn’t just “oh they both use rape to show Bad Guy, they’re exactly the same”, it’s HOW they use it. Let’s construct an example using everyone’s favourite punching bag: Nazis.

Film A is about Nazis in Nazi Germany. It is grim, it shows the evils of the Nazis in full colour, even though you already hated Nazis, you get re-affirmed because the film uses itself to convince you that these are the bad guys instead of “audience, you know what to feel”, and the evil of Nazism is treated for all it’s worth.

Film B is entirely suburban. It’s mostly lighthearted, focusing on the protagonist’s journey and their clashes with Dickhead. Dickhead is a dickhead, and is mostly a jerk, petty, or has motivations kind of like the protagonist, but for some negative end or one that clashes with the protagonist’s. Halfway through, or near the end of the film, Dickhead is revealed to be a full-on Nazis, with armbands, regalia, and all that implies. This wasn either foreshadowed very poorly, or not at all. The reveal that Dickhead is a Nazi is treated as more of “wow, that’s another thing I dislike about you” than anything very serious. The protagonist beats them up and goes on to finish their journey. In case you weren’t fully intimidated by Dickhead, there’s one scene of him saying or doing very generic Nazi stuff that gets the point across without actually doing anything. Heavy metal plays over this scene.

DO YOU SEE THE PROBLEM?!?!?! Goblin Slayer treats goblins with fear and loathing. Anytime a Goblin enters someone’s life, they are fucked up irreparably. Shield Maiden still has PTSD, Fighter quit adventuring outright. People die gruesomely and slowly! In Sword Art Online, it’s almost a joke! Death Gun reveals that he has a rape penchant for no reason other than to raise the stakes. Sugou tied Asuna up and fondled her and she not only barely reacted to it, but didn’t show any signs of that as soon as he stopped touching her! It’s superflous, provides nothing to the characterization, and is incredibly lazy. The author of Sword Art even admitted that it was unnecessary and he did it because he read light novels that had those exact plot elements tacked on. They are not comparable in this respect. That’s edgy.

Semi-Finally, PedanticRomantic has OBVIOUSLY only seen the first episode, maybe watched some reviews who also only saw the first episode, and wrote this entire dissertation. The Goblins don’t need to be deep, they’re a necessary weasel for Goblin Slayer as a character to exist. There aren’t moral quandaries, just notations that even though Goblin Slayer is doing an okay thing, it’s self-destructive. And while the premise is “guy kills goblins”, it actually focuses more on the characters and interpersonal relationships more! Of course it sounds edgy and hollow when you say that, you’re cutting out an entire 60% of the show! Berserk sounds edgy as fuck when you just relay “man with big sword fights demons and his rapist demon-king ex-friend” and completely omit that focus on Guts’ character, strong development, entire party of friends, and themes of inevitability, fate, and perseverance.

Also thank you for smugly ending off with “i thought it was cool but but then i STOPPED BEING AN IDIOT, if you still think it’s good, then okay”. I covered this in a different post, but it’s a humongous reflection on yourself.

I said “semi-final” up above, because Pedantic made an “apology video”.

Don’t bother clicking on that video. She doesn’t actually listen to any criticism or comments on her video which she disabled lmao, but blames it on the fact that the video was poorly scheduled, rushed, fans didn’t get the point she intended to make, and something something youtube algorithm. Where I come from, we call this clickbait. Get fucked.

Another video like this I would recommend is the one made by NECRO XIII. It takes a more MST3K take on the video, but gets across a lot of the points I made/liked.

[bicoastalbip-blog]

EPISODE 1 RECAP

Welcome to season FIVE of Bachelor in Paradise! We are ready to attack this season from two coasts, simultaneously, armed with way too much wine and a hysterically apropos gif folder. For week one, we want to make sure everyone knows our cast of characters for this season, even if those characters turn out to be a major WHO, or Woefully Humdrum Occupant.

Tia:

A heavy hitter this season [read: someone the production will focus on for star power and sheer drama], Tia comes to Paradise on the coattails of dating Colton (from Becca's season) and stealing him away from the Bachelorette. In theory, anyway, since she hasn't made a move post-season, pre-Paradise. She is first on the beach, eventually starting a dialogue with anyone who will listen about her need to see Colton in Paradise. This is shaping up to be a very Ashley I. situation, and for anyone keeping track [Kevin], that could potentially be a good thing! Tia spends the entire first half of the episode awfully disappointed that Colton hasn’t dragged his gorilla knuckles down the sandy steps of Paradise in the time frame she was aiming for. When the producers ultimately dupe her with a date card, she chooses Chris. Tia wants "a serious relationship," and "something lasting," or at least that's what she tells the dude she's kissing right before Colton shows up. Colton eventually arrives the next day, and after artfully wasting his time pretending to talk to Kendall & Angela, swoops in on Tia and whisks her away on a yacht, during which time she rescinds her earlier, "Colton WHO?!"

Kendall:

An adorable ray of sunshine, far removed from the dead animal obsessive of Nick's season -- oh wait, she's discussing cemeteries and corpses with Grocery Store Joe. Old habits! Kendall tells the camera that "there's more to Kendall than just taxidermy and ukulele," and the editors cut to Kendall half naked in a yellow bikini, offering America the world. Kendall stays low key this episode, offering not-too-deep cuts and only slightly biting commentary throughout; she tells Joe sweet simplicities like, "I like talking to you," and, "Have you ever seen a dead body?" finally sealing the deal with a makeout session on a day bed while the producers lure Krystal away for an interview and then break the news to her.

Krystal:

Krystal is a blonde woman with whitened teeth and a fitness influencer on Instagram here to explain the "adversity" she has faced since appearing on Arie's season. In true editing reflection to Kendall's scene, Krystal says she has "a lot more to offer" while the camera pans over her bikini bod on the beach. She tells us that having a dog and knowing how to cook are the prerequisites for being a wife, which means that 70% of the men we know are going to be excellent wives. After a brief montage of Krystal's voice from the previous season, we're left wondering if she's woman who has just completed an orgasm and is rushing to meet the mailman, or, a white woman at a country club that has just crushed two Xanax into her morning Chardonnay. Krystal steals Joe away, much to Kendall's chagrin, and a fascinating conversation ensues as two white people discuss their heritage and bond over their exotic Norwegian backgrounds. Krystal licks her chops and moans, "Excellent," after finding out Joe is untainted and hasn't watched her season. She finishes off the episode in Kevin's arms, and they make out with the fervor and desperation of a man whose girlfriend has just left him for JARED and a woman who has had to adjust her voice several octaves to join this cast.

Wills:

The producers try their best to give Wills his moment of adorable redemption by putting him in various printed shirts and having him dance in a goofy way in a park.

Jordan:

Jordan whips out his slightly pudgy "model body" and declares that he's finally "in a place as beautiful as" him. He shows his relaxed, redemption ready side with a glass of white wine on his sofa whilst petting his cat. He slobbers over most of the women, including Annaliese, who doesn’t seem to mind the fact that he thinks chickens go, "Quack, quack." After multiple awkward silences with multiple women, his next victim is Nysha, whom he tells, "You only get this one life, right? You don't know where your soul or your energy is going to go after this." Nysha awkwardly agrees, and Jordan proceeds to tell her he wants to be a crab on the island. He later stirs drama by telling Chris that Colton is "a serpent" that he needs to cut the head off of, setting up next's week's storyline nicely.

Chelsea:

Our Klonopin mommy wanders down the Paradise steps with all the vigor of a woman sentenced to death, managing to say "hopeful" with all the hope of the string quartet aboard the Titanic. Chelsea spends the episode unobtrusively floating around, a human Xanax with eyes that beg you to end her suffering. She tells the producers, "I have no idea what I did to be here," followed by, "I am loving it," spoken with the cadence of someone who had to put their dog down today and then locked themselves out of their car. Chelsea's great contribution, however, is a brief dialogue with Nick that turns out to be the highlight of the episode.

Nick:

Nick starts out the ep by being a big WHO, and ends up in the hall of fame. He takes a drunken seat next  to untoasted Wonderbread slice and single mother Chelsea on the day bed, and pours out his soul. "You're fucking cool as shit." Chelsea tells him she's not making the first move.

"Chelsea's a snack. A woman that has a child doesn't really bother me at all." You're right, you could just ship it off to boarding school and then it wouldn't be a bother at all.

"I love moms and moms usually love me." For a man who has had exactly .3 seconds of air time, he's managed to fit in 90% of the episode's memorable quotes.

The producers rightfully question Nick's future parenting style. He tells them, "I think I would be a great role model," and follows it up with a huge guffaw. They ask him Chelsea's son's name and he cycles through "Joey," "Danny," "Johnny," and "Slippy," before landing on "Sammy." Fifth time's the charm. He tells Chelsea he has a "super weird attraction" to her and offers to walk her up "towards her area." After she gives him the slip, Nick laments that he's spent too much time putting in groundwork with Chelsea, and now he's "thumbing his own asshole." Chelsea's kid is gonna love this guy, especially after he uses Sammy's vintage baseball card collection as coasters for his Coors light.

Eric:

"It's miracle season!" Eric trills with 20% less enthusiasm than a year ago. He has several memorable moments with Tia, telling the producers that "she's got nice teeth, long hair, nice feet, nice body," which goes hand in hand with "I have a lot more to offer," since the women are judged almost strictly on their appearance and Instagram sponsorship-worthiness.

"I like your toes, is white your favourite colour?" is another loaded question, during which Eric mentions feet again while also questioning Tia's ethnic preference in a partner right out of the gate.

Annaliese:

Annaliese gets a flashback to Arie's season, and a new clip package where she lets us know her fears include: "the dog thing," sand, thunder, large bodies of water [all literally included on the notoriously stormy coast of Mexico she's headed to], class one recycled plastics, guys with red hair, sombreros, birds, AND,  the biggest thing that scares her, "not finding love." She cues the "Evan and Carly" buzzwords, a true love story for the ages that included Evan faking serious trauma and trapping Carly in a hot yurt. Annaliese tells the camera that she wants a ring, followed by marriage and babies. She seems as if she's not sure how the babies are made following the marriage, but is enthusiastic about finding out.

Chris:

Chris has a brief intro during which he feeds swans and compares himself to a goose, trying to convince the viewers that he's a goofy and fun loving weirdo and not an over perspiring sociopath. Following his date with Tia, Chris acts entirely proprietary, laughing as Nick says that Colton is getting "sloppy segundos," and generally being  misogynistic.

Colton:

Colton isn't exactly worth mentioning this episode, briefly shading Tia for being the reason that he had to leave Becca after he fell in love with her. She says she understands, and feels guilty, but doesn't exactly look guilty aboard a gorgeous yacht on a date with her best friend's ex. Colton is "here to figure his shit out," and Tia wants to give it a shot. They jump happily into shark infested waters together, but escape on a Jet Ski. That last one's only partially a metaphor.

David:

David is a "former chicken," who we strongly believe should hook up with Tiara the "chicken enthusiast" from Ben's season. David provides the producers with a clip package involving him living with his mom in Florida, where she waits on him hand and foot. "Unfortunately I can't marry my mom." No, David, but you can marry a similarly aged retiree in Boca Raton and keep living the same lifestyle you're accustomed to. David has beef with Jordan, but they shake hands and go their separate ways without the bloodbath everyone predicted would follow.

Kevin:

Kevin is wearing a firefighter outfit in his intro despite harboring the needlessly creepy glare of an arsonist who's girlfriend just left him for JARED. He shades Ashley I. hard, accusing her of cheating and not helping the relationship work. He's *yikes* 34, and has heard through "The Bachelor Grapevine" i.e. the entire internet, that his ex is engaged to JARED. Is Kevin into being dominated by "fit" Krystal? Between the arson and the masochism we have some deeply rooted trauma to dig up this season.

Joe:

Grocery store Joe was kicked off of Becca's season night one, and admits he only had himself to blame by being awkward and nervous. Shortly after, "Twitter blew up" and now he's on a rainbow ride to a pot of gold filled with hair gummy vitamins. Joe's low self confidence somehow makes him more charming, and Chris Harrison tells him not to "screw it up this time." He briefly speaks to Tia about Colton, saying "I like him, he's nice" with the same enthusiasm that Chelsea uses to approach just about everything. Joe sticks with Kendall throughout the episode, which we're big fans of.

Bibi:

Bibiana is a gorgeous ray of sunshine and has brought a multitude of bikinis for Paradise. She tries to add some humour to Chris Harrison's life by declaring that the bumpy SUV ride there was "more action than her uterus has seen in a while," but he doesn't take the bait. She also lets us know that she's waiting for her "hoohah" to send her a sign, and wishes the producers would blur her ass.

John:

Venmo John deserves love! He has convos on camera with multiple women, including Angela and Annaliese, but we here at Bi-Coastal BIP ship him hard with Astrid, who is pretty and safe.

Astrid:

Pretty-but-safe Astrid is back, keeping her catty screentime to the confessional and generally staying out of everyone's day whilst posing as a plastic Solo cup filled with lukewarm water.

Angela:

A WHO straight out of an eighties Dynasty episode.

Nysha:

A sweet but misguided WHO, getting points for letting everyone know she was "blink and you miss me" on Arie's season. Nysha decides to tell Jordan she believes in reincarnation and that her soul gets "transferred somewhere else."

Kenny:

Another fan fave that is back to try, try again, Kenny is now FORTY-SIX?! And still chose to dust off his dad flip flops and matching dad tank top. We meet his eleven year old daughter and pray that her friends don't make fun of her at school.

Preview thoughts:

This season's preview has us seeing Krystal with Kenny, Angela with Eric, Krystal and Jordan, Kevin & Astrid?!, Kendall & Leo,

Joe tells us he's falling in love with Kendall, and Leo calls him a "grocery store bitch." Kendall cries, David plots ruining Jordan's summer, Jenna shows up (WHO?), Shushanah faces some assholes calling her a witch and Euro trash, Tia and Colton shed tears, and Chris claims he's falling in love with Tia. Ben shows up to shout his one and only memorable line, "I am unlovable," Amanda makes an appearance in DiffEye shades that came straight from her Instagram, and unfortunately Arie/Lauren show up as well. Human mannequins Robby and Jordan square off, Raven reminds us that she had her first orgasm in Paradise, JARED proposes to Ashley I., Carly/Evan and Jade/Tanner show up with tots in tow, more tears are shed, fights are briefly glimpsed, and Chelsea misses a Xanax dose, sobbing and struggling to breathe in her confessional. See you guys Monday!