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Before i forgor—
The arrival of 200 followers is upon me [i think like 7 away??], and so since im probably gonna do a thank you thing when we do get there
I figured i would ask thou lot on your opinion and expertise on what i should do.
Last time i just did a smol little drawing.
So im gonna make a poll below, i suppose i would suggest reading the description even further below first though.
Smol thing is if you dont want to have to interact/ask/reblog, but would still find it neat for a lil celebration art :)
So if you wanna do the 2nd option, the way i would probably do that would be i would make a post for you to reblog with a picture of your character. And if you dont have your own oc/character or wouldn’t like your character to be drawn then you can feel free to reblog with a character of your choosing (and the characters og creator). (:D)So overall if you aren’t gonna reblog or interact with the post dont choose that one—
If the 3rd, then ill probably find a couple, and you can ask for either my oc’s or any other characters with an outfit. So The usual outfit meme business—
4th option is just you can ask either myself or any of my characters any question you’d like :]
THOINKS FOR YOUR OPINIONS AND THANK YOU FOR THE FOLLOWS!!!!!
#im giving it a week because 1 my rise in followers goes up very slowly or in random bursts so i dont know/think it’ll be 200 in a day or 2–#2 if i do get to 200 before that time I’ll probably just pick an option and do the math—#anyways#thank you very much you wonderful people!!!#I sincerely appreciate you being here for it gives me 90% of my motivation to do art!!!#and i end up so happy that i do#so thaoink you#and thank you for your patience for i know my procastination has put a big halt on my comic and oc work—#if thats what your here for at least—#but either way#thoinks#have a good day#random stuff—
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have you shipped your moots yet w nct? if not would you give it a try? only if you’re up to it!
hello anon! thanks for popping into my inbox and sending this, i really appreciate it!🥺technically i have, but i’ve made quite a few new moots since last time so i’d love to do it again! (i’m sorry if you’re not on here, it’s only because i don’t know you quite well enough to pair you with someone!!)
i’ll split this up into two parts since i got a second anon ask only 4 minutes after this one (kinda spooky😳) for the same thing (which also works quite well because of mention limits, heh)! you can find part two here.
part one: taeil-mark
taeil: @ferie-anon | @neonun-au | @ta3ilmoon
↳ i associate these three with a lot of wisdom, talent, and passion about the things they enjoy! also, they always have a kind word to say and are really cheerful and enjoyable to speak with, so i’d ship ferie, mads and grace with taeil!
johnny: @suhpressed | @jaeminscoffee | @1-800-seo
↳ in a way, i kind of see them as older siblings to me if that makes any sense...however brief our interactions may be, i often find myself looking up to them a lot and thinking about the gift of their friendship and encouragement when i need it most. johnny really reminds me of a comforting older brother, hence why i ship ella, lyra and jess with him!!
taeyong: @tyongxnct | @puppywritings
↳ elida and william are both so so super sweet, and i can tell they take great pride in their work and talents!! just like taeyong, they’re very friendly and so compassionate towards everyone they know!
yuta: @sly-merlin | @starlightsooyoungs
↳ i’d ship yuta with simmi and hui because i see them as very bright and healing people. i think that their personalities draw you to them and make you want to get to know them more, like yuta’s! even if we don’t talk all the time, they both definitely have the power to put a smile on my face!
kun: @daybreakx | @jenojam | @fullsuhnny
↳ ale, vina and angie would pair well with kun! they all have very comforting, caring presences, & it’s easy to see how much they look out for and want to help those around them!! they might seem a little bit on the shy side at times, but once you get to know them they’re really so friendly!
doyoung: @danishmiilk | @doiedreams
↳ xingyi and kay are both good people to lean on when i need someone to talk to. they’re also really reliable and i feel like i can depend on them whenever for a bit of reassurance or kindness, because they truly have a whole lot of it to offer! i feel really cared for talking to them, just like how doyoung is an especially caring person.
ten: @du0tine | @lebrookestore
↳ their personalities are really distinct to me, very energetic, fun and adventurous people. it feels like you’ve known them for years and they’re very easy to get along with! they put so much thought into their works and are really confident and proud of them, and lots of people admire them for that. all those things remind me of ten so i’d ship solange and brooke with him!!
jaehyun: @ethaeriyeol | @byunbaekby
↳ i look up to bea and aurora a lot, even if we haven’t known each other for the longest time. from what i’ve seen they’re really calm and organized, and have a gift with words and advice. from reading and hearing about their writing i can also tell they’re really talented and motivated, and very warm to interact with whenever we do! i guess those things make jaehyun come to mind so i’d ship them with him!
winwin: @orange-nimon-cross | @pretty-junjun
↳ yunha and nathalie come off as more reserved to me but still care so much for their friends, they’re both always really supportive of others and me when i’ve needed it. also they’re such down-to-earth and humble people, being able to call myself a friend of theirs is a really special thing and i value their sweet personalities. i can tell they both have a lot of passion for writing and they should be very proud of their talents!! sicheng is a very kindhearted and dedicated soul so that explains the pairing!
jungwoo: @yo-ddream | @quokkacore
↳ they’re really sincere and understanding towards me and everyone, i can count on them for the gentleness and thoughtfulness they possess so much of. yo-ddream and helena are just so sweet and i think they have a talent for brightening someone’s day, with either humor or just a nice message and i really appreciate that. at least through tumblr they seem pretty affectionate with others, and for all these reasons i’d ship them both with jungwoo!
lucas: @badwithten | @hannie-dul-set
↳ i think i’ve used this phrase before but lucas’s personality is a mixture of humor and heart, which applies to both zoe and allexandra! even if we aren’t super close i care for them so much and it seems like everyone just adores them. like him, they also seem fairly outgoing and sociable!!
mark: @ru-lin | @rueyins | @nakamotocore | @laruan
↳ i get very lovable vibes like mark for these four! they make me laugh and smile so much with their humor and wit, even if it’s a tiny bit dorky (in only the best and cutest possible way)! they’re also so generous and kind like him as well, so i’d ship ruth, rue, ie and moon with mark for sure.
as soon as i start to describe my friends, my vocabulary seems to shrink by like 90% so i basically just end up saying that everyone’s kind and friendly and comforting, which is true!! but i’m sorry for the somewhat unintelligent explanations >< i love you all very much and still can’t believe i’ve made such wonderful and amazing friends on this site!!🤍
#anon ୭̥⋆*。#hannah ships her moots#i think i tried to give most everyone their bias!! but if not i’m sorryyyy i hope you still like this though🥺
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Prince Charming
Prince Charming (formerly called Royals) is a contemporary romance written by Rachel Hawkins. It follows Daisy, a 16 year old girl from Florida who works at a supermarket and only wants to spend the summer planning a fun trip to Key West to a convention with her best friend Isabella. However, her plans are swiftly ruined, when her older sister Ellie, arrives at her family house to tell her that she’s getting engaged; and her boyfriend is none other than the Crown Prince of Scotland. Before I say anything about this book, I need to point out that I’m a die hard fan of The Princess Diaries series. I mean that in the most sincere way; I love those books, I love the ridiculous plots, Mia’s character, and especially the humor. And if this book reminded me of anything, it’s The Princess Diaries. Rachel Hawkins wrote the Rebel Belle series, which I briefly entertained the idea of reading, and I’ve heard has a similar tone to this, which is intensely funny and utterly ridiculous. If you had told me that there is any slim chance in heaven that the crown prince of any monarchy, especially England would be allowed to marry a commoner from a title-less family, a foreign national no less, I would have laughed at the wish fulfillment. However, in a post Meghan Markle world, the ridiculousness of the premise is much diminished, and it’s hard to read this book as anything other than Hawkins’ fanfic about the royal wedding. Luckily, we don’t follow the Meghan stand in; we follow Daisy, Ellie’s younger sister. Daisy was honestly the best character in this book: she is sarcastic, has a quirky sense of humor, she is intensely snarky, and oftentimes dives in an active volcano for the joke, which as a fellow big mouthed idiot I can highly appreciate. She’s probably the character I have related to most in any novel, save perhaps Mia Thermopolis, and she made this utterly dumb premise work for me in a way I doubt any other character could. She was just a character that felt very human: she has flaws, she has insecurities and issues with feeling jealous, left out and like she comes in second, but she also was willing to and did stand up for herself, didn’t allow herself to be corrupted or seduced into a world she didn’t like, and stayed very genuine to herself, which I appreciated. It also helped that Daisy didn’t really like the royal family or royal life in general. I am not American; I grew up in Europe, in a formerly socialist country, that hasn’t had a King since the 11th century. We don’t care much about or like royalty here, so I never understood the American fascination with European, especially British royalty. There are so many things the crown has done that are horrendous, they are a massive drain on the British economy, their policies and rules for the conduct and livelihood of the family are archaic, classist and generally unappealing, so I was very happy to see Daisy push back against it. She’s still impressed at the lavish castles, mansions, palaces and general opulence, but she’s doesn’t go through the typical arc of being enchanted and then disillusioned by the family, which I really liked. She doesn’t go as far as Mia to criticize the entire socio-political existence of the crown family, but she does come into conflict with their lifestyle more than once, and she makes good points against it. The other thing I really appreciated and liked about this book, was how it showed that this family was, well, a family of people. Alex, the crown prince and Ellie’s fiance was the only one who lacked personality other than being nice, but all the other characters we meet were flawed and had their own host of issues and quirks. There are two separate queer romances which I greatly appreciated, since both are shown to be healthy and happy, even though with one of them, it’s still clear the family doesn’t approve. This was also one of the few times I actually enjoyed the trope of an American character being scandalized by the amount of alcohol European teens consume, since Sebastian, the younger of the princes has a tendency to over-drink. The relationship between Ellie and Daisy was interesting, and I honestly wish it was explored more. I enjoyed that both sisters had a lot of growing to do, even though for 90% of the book I was entirely on Daisy’s side. I didn’t like Ellie; she was stuck up, boring and utterly too perfect, and I don’t have much sympathy for characters who are willing to walk all over themselves and their families to achieve some status or fame. I did find the romance between Ellie and Alex dull, which was acceptable, because it wasn’t the focus, but I just needed a stronger motivation for Ellie to be the way she was, since I didn’t get this great love she and Alex had. The amount of things Daisy is expected to give up on and uproot her entire life was honestly a bit too much. Yes, I know most people would give an arm and a leg to be around royalty, but Daisy didn’t want to do that, and it was completely unfair and unreasonable of Ellie to demand and blackmail her into doing it, just because of her happiness and her wedding. I liked that Ellie realized that eventually, but I just wish we had more scenes of the two interacting without snapping at each-other constantly, so the realization could land better. As for the romance, I thought it was cute and a nice subversion of the expectations I had going in. There were a lot of elements to the romance borrowed from other films and book, most notably Pride and Prejudice and My Fair Lady. The love interest has almost the exact character arc that Mr. Darcy does; he’s at first hostile and outright rude, accuses Daisy and her family of being gold diggers, realizes his mistakes, and then becomes a Henry Higgins type character, with a bit of the fake dating sprinkled in there. I thought the way the romance developed was cute, I could definitely see why and how both sides came to like the other, and I thought the banter was very funny. Speaking of banter, this book is really funny! I laughed out loud multiple times, and I even saved several quotes because they were ridiculous. I will share two here that I thought were especially funny; if nothing else, I now want to read Rebel Belle just because of Rachel Hawkins sense of humor. ”He’s tall, his entire upper body is so perfectly v-shaped, that I think geese probably study him to get their flight formation just right [...]” pg. 66 ””Your hat is lovely” I tell the woman, giving her my sweetest smile. “I’m sure Big Bird’s sacrifice was worth it.”” pg. 110 I am still genuinely surprised at how much I enjoyed this book. I know this review was a bit different than my usual ones, but that’s honestly because I think you should just read it. It’s short, it’s funny and it’s utterly ridiculous, and if you like these types of books and plots you will definitely like it. I can’t wait to see the shenanigans of the sequel.
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#83 The Muppet Christmas Carol (1992)
Merry Christmas in August! Full transparency here, I was so burned out by The Muppets Take Manhattan that I took an entire month break on this project. This was a good movie to dip my toe back in the water, as it is extremely charming, even though it is 90+ degrees outside and I’m generally melting. The amount of popsicles I’ve eaten this summer is not only staggering, it’s embarrassing.
The Muppet Christmas Carol is a true to form Muppets movie, starting with a panoramic landscape view, following-up with 4th wall breaking gags, physical comedy, jaunty songs, and sincere emotional moments. The Great Gonzo plays Charles Dickens, an omniscient narrator of the redemption story of Ebenezer Scrooge. He and his sidekick Rizzo provide the needed levity throughout the entire movie, while we watch Michael Caine make every version of a sad and distraught face he can muster in an hour and 30 minutes.
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The opening number, “Scrooge”, is reminiscent of “Belle” from Beauty and the Beast - the entire town is singing about the fact Scrooge is the literal worst, and they wouldn’t waste spit on his grave. The cast is a good mix of Muppets and humans, but my favorite part of this song are the singing vegetables that also don’t like him. I was having intense Making Fiends flashbacks, and I couldn’t stop giggling.
“Eat vegetables for every meal, or your lips will start to peel, and your eyeballs will fall out, and your feet will smell like trout.”
Once Scrooge makes it to work, he lashes out at his employees. He first complains that millennials are buying avocado toast instead of paying their mortgage, and if they keep it up, he plans on evicting tenants left and right like he were an American landlord in the middle of a pandemic. Kermit, our Bob Cratchit of the film, advocates for workers rights, and while he succeeds in convincing Scrooge to close the next day for Christmas, he fails at preventing his colleagues from dressing up like... whatever this is and dancing around like it’s August and they’ve eaten their weight in watermelon fruit bars.
Scrooge’s only living relative, Fred, pops in long enough to wish him a Merry Christmas and give him shit about being like Smaug hording his immense amount of wealth. After being hit up for money from cinnamon roll Professor Honeydew to help wealth-insecure people during this joyous Christmas season, Scrooge tells them to shove off. He processes his anger about the holiday, his employees asking for a living wage, losing money on rent, his Cheshire cat-grinning nephew, and most of all - socialism, in a productive and non-violent manner by chucking a wreath at a passing Christmas caroler.
Deciding he’s had enough of the general public and they’re cheery, caring ways, Scrooge heads home to brood in peace and work on his night cheese. The rest of the Muppets, free of his tyranny, decide to celebrate by singing something that suspiciously sounds like the Christmas Vacation song.
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Once Scrooge returns home, the real crux of the story begins. For a children's’ movie, I was impressed at the detail given to set the ambiance for each ghost. There is a true sense of suspense before his former business partners arrive, starting with the excessive ringing of the bells and the extinguishing of the fire. The camera sweeps around the room, and seemingly nothing is amiss, but then you notice the fog rising from the stairwell. The shaky camera focuses on Scrooge’s face, sweating, in a panic, as the room around him is distorted. For a second you think it may be all in his head, until Statler and Waldorf, playing the ghosts of Jacob and Robert Marley, appear, and start ripping into Scrooge in true heckler fashion.
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This is where I confess that I dislike Charles Dickens. I was forced to read Great Expectations, Oliver Twist, and A Tale of Two Cities in high school, as if there were a shortage of other white male authors we could read. His writing style is extremely tedious to me - I think I finally lost it when there were 3 pages in Great Expectations describing how someone butters their bread, and how particularly they eat it. Unfortunately, every other story written by him is guilty by association, including this Christmas classic that has been adapted 7000 times.
All this to say, I appreciated the Dickens burn when Scrooge utters, “There's more of gravy than of grave about you.”
The Marley brothers warn Scrooge if he doesn’t alter his behavior, he’ll end up tortured and chained like the two of them and their several singing lock boxes. They warn him 3 ghosts will visit: one of Christmas past, one of Christmas present, and one of Christmas yet to come. The spirit of Christmas past reveals Scrooge’s value of money hindered his relationships, so his sweet girlfriend leaves him alone to stew like an incel for the next like 30 years. Conversely, Gonzo continues to exhibit a healthy chicken-based sexuality.
The ghost of Christmas present, while very large and jovial, counteracts any good-time feelings by allowing Fred to get in a few sweet burns against his uncle, and chases that with the knowledge Cratchie’s tiny son will die if he doesn’t get any money to treat his unknown, crutch-based disability.
The ghost of Christmas yet to come, who is a literal ring wraith, just points at shit to show Scrooge nobody is going to care when he dies. And for someone who, up until this point in the movie, didn’t seem to care about what others thought about him, is really bothered by this for some reason.
After the ghosts complete their haunting, Scrooge wakes up in his own bed, and is so motivated by his new lease on life that he visits all the shops Kermit told him would certainly be closed on Christmas. He buys everyone presents and gathers enough food to feed a feast for kings. He even makes that tiny caroling bunny lug around a massive turkey all around town, as a treat. As Scrooge’s new found-family sits around the table to celebrate the holiest of Christian holidays, the cast reprises “When Love is Found”. Awwwww.
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Honestly, this is the only adaptation of this story I can stomach, and dare I say, enjoy? The Muppets are adorable, the songs are fairly good, the story is well paced, and Gonzo and Rizzo are the most adorable comedic relief throughout the entire movie. I almost burst into pieces after Rizzo offered jelly beans to an exasperated Gonzo. They’re so supportive of each other :cries:
Muppet Treasure Island is next, which is my brother-in-law’s favorite Muppet movie, so if this turns out to be garbage I’m holding him personally responsible.
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Could you expand on what you liked about Irredeemable? It's been years since I read it, but I recall finding it somewhat off-putting, and never attempted to finish it.
Off-putting is absolutely the correct way of describing it. While it never goes far into direct explicitness or gore as I recall, it is a crushingly dark book from start to just about finish; a psychologically vile, relentlessly cruel 37 issues in service of maybe the most comprehensive savaging of Superman as a concept ever put to paper.
It’s the book that made him my favorite character. It may be the book that’s the reason I write.
Now look: the first issue came out when I was a little shy of 14. Great a comic as I will maintain it sincerely is (though it does go a little slack in the last year or so, and the spinoff Incorruptible is pretty much entirely a write-off), I am unquestionably looking at it through rose-tinted lenses. I don’t even know why I got it; I was just collecting the Batman and I guess Green Lantern books at that point, and while Mark Waid was surely on my radar, Boom! comics most certainly were not. Maybe I saw the Grant Morrison quote on the cover, or maybe I just thought “oh sweet, Waid writing an evil Superman”. But while I don’t blame anyone in the slightest for not liking it - not in a “I can see how they just wouldn’t get it, man” kind of way, the tone and content here are going to completely justifiably rub some people entirely the wrong way - I will absolutely stick up for it as a great piece of superhero comics, and a fascinating examination by contrast of how Superman works, and indeed has to work, as a character.
So here’s the premise:
Or as the back of every trade puts it, how did he come to this? What became of the hope and promise once inside him? What happens to the world when its savior betrays it? What makes a hero irredeemable? The answer to the third question at least is that the world is shit out of luck: millions are dead before the first page of the series, and the rest of the superheroes can’t do much to help, because they fire energy blasts or talk to machines or have wings, while he can shatter diamond in his bare grip, liquefy titanium with a glance and hear every whisper on Earth that might dare to defy him. Most of the book is from the perspective of those heroes, on the run and desperate to find a way to survive and triumph, as their own dirty little secrets and failings start to come out under the pressure. In base concept, it’s a pretty standard Superman deconstruction.
But it’s a Superman deconstruction by the world’s biggest Superman fan. And that makes all the difference.
Whatever your opinion on Mark Waid, it’s pretty indisputable that that guy has spent a lot of time thinking about how Superman works; what makes him tick, what makes people respond to him, how his world has to be for him to function. I may not agree with him 100% on all of it, but he’s damn well put the hours in to go with his passion, and when you understand the story engine on that level, you’re going to know as anybody how to take it apart; what vital piece is most necessary to keep it running, and what’s going to happen if you take it away. For Irredeemable, the cog in the machine is idea that, even with all the good intentions in the world, a person may not necessarily be emotionally equipped for the job of being a superman. And that’s a very valid concern: after all Waid noted in an interview, in the classic Superman stories, his biggest fear come to life often wasn’t that he’d fail in his mission, or lose his adopted home, but that no one would love him anymore.
With Plutonian, the reason it works, aside from Waid’s enduring skills as a storyteller, is that there’s no cop-out. He wasn’t a hidden invader, he never planned to conquer the world, he didn’t privately despise humanity all along, he isn’t detached from mankind in the sense of being an inscrutable alien whose motives and emotions are beyond us, he isn’t doing this because he just wants to make the world a better place. While I don’t want to give up any of the reveals, it’s probably fair to say he grew up to be about the best person he could reasonably be expected to given his circumstances; a guy who feels he should do the right thing, a guy who wants to be himself and be loved in spite of his issues and insecurities. Not a saint, but hardly a monster. But the problem is, he’s not a probably-okay-enough-given-the-circumstances slightly neurotic guy who’s just holding a 9 to 5 job and seeing a therapist, he has to be Superman. And when that normal, well-meaning guy has to live with the hard realities of never being able to touch someone too hard or they’ll shatter, of having skin like diamond, of never getting to believe a little white lie because he can hear their heartbeat spike or avoid knowing what people really think about him because he can hear their private whispers, of never being able to stop because he can hear every cry for help and the world expects him to answer? And when he can’t even bring himself to just stop, because being a hero is the closest he’s ever come to being loved for who he is? It all comes crashing down, wrapped up in a set of high-concept superhero horror adventures by one of the best writers out there. It’s not a world built on ‘realism’ in the sense of abiding by the laws of physics or the political fallout of superheroes, but it’s grounded in an emotional reality of what it would take out of someone to have that job that makes it all painfully, inevitably believable that even most well-meaning individuals wouldn’t be able to handle it. And that got me thinking about Superman.
Superman had been my favorite character as a little kid. Between the 90s animated series, the Fleischer shorts my dad had on tape, the Superman Adventures comics and Byrne’s Man of Steel (even if I’d later change my tune on the latter), picture books (props to anyone else who remembers The True Story of Superman, Superman: Slippery When Bad, or I Hate Superman!), and all the lunchboxes and birthday paper plates and posters and whatnot that tend to accumulate around little kids, he was #1. Even when I started to get way more into Batman and Spider-Man, he was always holding up third; I never thought of him as boring, but I definitely started to think of him as not all that deep, even if he could hold down great stories like All-Star and Birthright.
But this book was the first of its kind to make me think “Wow, being Superman would be the hardest job in the entire world. Even given the obvious differences, why doesn’t he turn out something like this? How could anyone not turn out like this, under that kind of pressure, with that kind of basic physical and mental distance from humanity?” And as it turns out, questions like those make Superman really, really interesting. The implications of someone living with that kind of power and becoming not just a truly good man, but an outstandingly, impossibly good man go as deep as it gets. And suddenly I’m looking back at the old stories in a new light and with a new appreciation, and suddenly I’m reading a lot more about him and thinking a lot more about him and what works and what doesn’t, and suddenly, oh, dang, he’s my favorite character now. More than that even, I start thinking more about characters in general, and what works and what doesn’t, and what works and what doesn’t with comics in general, and I start getting Opinions, and oh I write a lot now, and oh shit I have a Tumblr and I want to break into comics.
So that’s why I liked Irredeemable.
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Euthanasia in Australia: Why it will never be legalised
New Post has been published on https://cialiscom.org/euthanasia-in-australia-why-it-will-never-be-legalised.html
Euthanasia in Australia: Why it will never be legalised
THE difficulty with euthanasia is not that it doesn’t make sense. The issue is that it does.
Certainly, the greatest argument in favour of euthanasia is the best argument in opposition to it: It is supremely rational.
Following all, we are all likely to die in any case and so why, when the close is imminent, must we not go out in a time and manner of our very own deciding on? It is eminently sensible.
And, for that matter, why should really that selection be restricted to those with imminently terminal health problems? Absolutely people with persistent ailments that topic them to unbearable soreness also are entitled to the ideal to die when the agony gets to be far too much.
And of training course we all know now that mental well being is just as vital as bodily overall health and can be just as debilitating. And so of course anybody who is in this sort of extreme psychological anguish that existence is unlivable should really be ready to stop theirs with dignity.
Yep, it will make great perception. The only issue is that if you are even now nodding your head you’ve just endorsed point out-sanctioned suicide.
But the arguments never conclusion there. As has been front webpage news in recent months, aged care is extremely costly — even if the top quality of it is typically appalling.
Add euthanasia to the blend, however, and both of those problems fix on their own. Out of the blue the elderly don’t have to have to endure any more and the govt will save tens of billions of bucks. It’s acquire-acquire.
The exact same of training course goes for persons of any age with profound disabilities. Absolutely it is up to them to make your mind up if their everyday living is well worth living.
But, what if there is cognitive impairment? What if the elderly man or woman is struggling from dementia, as a few in 10 persons above the age of 85 now do? What if the incapacity is psychological as effectively as actual physical? Would the decision to are living or die then rest with that person’s next of kin? The inheritor of their prosperity? Or whoever has ability of legal professional? The distributor of their wealth?
And of course any thoughtful or thoughtful individual would not just ponder their individual wellbeing but also that of their loved types. They would barely want to be a bodily or fiscal stress on their beloved kids, whose happiness they have generally set previously mentioned their possess.
In fact, the more civic-minded citizen would also appreciate that outdated age is a massive economical pressure on the wellness system. A 2007 NSW examine discovered that healthcare facility treatment for the elderly in their last calendar year of lifetime by yourself soaked up virtually a person-tenth of the full hospital price range. And it acquired extra and far more high-priced the nearer the individual got to death — nearly ten instances in the past month what it was six months preceding.
In other text, have been doctors equipped to estimate how lengthy a affected individual had to reside and give them the selection of bowing out a few months before they could save hundreds or even tens of hundreds of dollars per individual?
And here, all over again, is the problem. It is not that euthanasia doesn’t make sense, it is that it can make significantly as well significantly perception. It is not just a commonsense selection for the individual but for their relatives, their group, the government and the overall economy. When it comes to earning a decision no matter whether or not to conclude a life that is a whole lot of force to resist.
And what counterargument do we have lined up versus this mountain of evidence, this immovable wall of logic?
Almost nothing. Just a sentimental attachment to our personal life irrespective of the fact we all know they are going to stop in any case. It is totally and utterly irrational.
The entire heritage of humanity has taught us that existence is low cost, that the solid get rid of the weak, and that just about all of us will sink into the soil and be overlooked in just a several brief generations.
Yet human beings have childishly and nonsensically resisted this immutable simple fact at each and every convert. We have invented religions and rationalisations of each conceivable sort to reassure ourselves that our lives are worthy of one thing additional. We have even fought wars and killed to confirm that daily life is value living.
In fact, the quite basis of what it indicates to be human appears to be to stem from our skill to see our personal demise coming and our refusal to accept it. Grave web pages courting back 100,000 several years have been uncovered with symbolic or worldly merchandise destined for some imagined afterlife.
Even right now militant atheists and secular humanists defend an inherent human right to life or ascribe needs to human everyday living that transcend mere survival, this kind of as serving a popular moral good.
But all of these convictions are in the end mere superstitions. Rationally talking, there is practically nothing inherently superior in simply remaining alive and the minute a person ceases to be so they are cost-free from suffering. There is no sensible cause for us to exist at all and every motive to suspect that we will possibly wipe ourselves out anyway.
And yet the human race persists with this foolish and sentimental idea that life have to be preserved. In fact we location it at the incredibly heart of our civilisation, be it the oath that we demand from customers of our medical professionals, the founding document of our most highly effective country or the really premise of democracy itself: that one particular life is truly worth one vote and that is what determines who controls us.
Once again, this notion is wholly illogical. It is, even so, important.
Indeed, at the time you begin implementing logic to the price of a lifestyle, its intrinsic benefit immediately disappears. The founding fathers of the United States did not even endeavor to give a logical argument as to why a person need to be entitled to life. They basically stated it was a “truth” that they held to be “self-evident”.
In other terms, if you have to argue why you should to be authorized to are living then that is not genuinely living at all. One’s suitable to lifetime cannot be measured versus the excellent or well worth of the life they direct or it is a recipe for slavery or genocide — a societal league desk or a human cull. The truth of the matter is there is no objective to everyday living: Lifetime is the goal.
And the dim counterpoint to this is that you just can’t argue for the correct to die without the need of measuring the ideal to everyday living. Any legalisation of euthanasia, however perfectly-intentioned or carefully worded, have to by its quite nature established a threshold at which lifestyle ceases to be value dwelling. A issue at which the law will sanction an individual’s judgment that dying is preferable to existence. And that is a very harmful point to legislate.
The simple fact is, of program, that human beings make that judgment all the time and the law ought to not stand in their way. And the fact is that it nearly by no means does. The very small handful of prosecutions that have happened in Australia have either been quashed or resulted in suspended sentences. It is properly recognised that doctors quietly aid their people to die all the time and that is as it ought to be.
To be sincere, anyone I appreciate deeply has questioned me to choose care of them when the time comes and if they have been to insist I would do so regardless of the law. I will likely also close up asking someone to do the identical for me.
But that is a incredibly various issue to the government successfully defining the truly worth of a lifestyle or the point at which it may possibly legally be taken absent, even if it is accomplished with the very best of intentions. Once you set a threshold for the expendability of a human everyday living it is unattainable not to believe persons who attain that threshold will measure their worth towards it.
Look at a 90-year-previous girl with terminal cancer currently being cared for spherical the clock by her fatigued 65-yr-aged daughter — and yet she is nevertheless frightened to die. It defies belief that in a modern society exactly where euthanasia is a mainstream lawful choice that she would not experience a degree of obligation to unburden her boy or girl, despite her inwardly wishing to hold on. Why really should folks who want simply just to reside be designed to feel they are deciding on not to die?
And on the flip side any euthanasia regulation would also are unsuccessful to go significantly adequate for my revenue. I as soon as argued that the government had no small business telling us how we were being permitted to have sex. It definitely has no small business telling us how we are authorized to die. That is a issue for fate and free will.
All of us know suffering and soreness in our lives and for some it will overwhelm us. Demise is usually an solution but that doesn’t imply it should be govt coverage.
Individually, I envy the bravery of both of those these who fight on and people who bow out and I salute the men and women who help them.
But like all functions of valour it is a deed finest performed discretely.
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How to encourage someone in 3 steps
Knowing how to encourage someone is key for:
Fostering lasting relationships
Developing crucial leadership skills
Helping struggling loved ones improve their lives.
… BUT if you do it wrong, it’s an easy way to frustrate everyone, or worse, come across as a know-it-all.
I’m not going to let that happen to you though. I want to show you a great system to help you learn how to encourage someone today.
How to encourage someone
Here’s the secret to encouraging people you won’t hear from 99.9% of life coaches and self-help books:
You can only encourage someone if they want it.
Think back to high school. I’d be willing to bet that the majority of you have forgotten things from your math classes like the quadratic formula or whatever the heck a protractor does. BUT if I asked you all the words to a song you loved in high school — the one you blasted in the car with your friends and every morning on the way to school — you’d be able to sing it to me perfectly (vocal skills depending).
The same idea applies to encouragement; it’s only effective and ingrained in us when we want it. It’s human nature.
So if you try to encourage someone who doesn’t want it you’re just wasting your time.
This might seem callous but it’s actually very freeing. When you’re able to recognize who’s ready to be encouraged, you’ll know where to focus your energy when it comes to helping people who need it.
I’ve developed a three-step system to help you identify these moments to help you encourage anyone willing to improve themselves.
Step 1: Stop and listen
I got this email from a reader a while back:
From: “J.”
Subject: My question is your next blog topic.
My mother is a hot mess. In a sense, I arose from the ashes of poverty while she still hangs her hat there. She came to visit for Thanksgiving and asked me how I “made my millions” (slight exaggeration) so she could too. I don’t know how to tell her she sucks with money and that she needs to get her shit straight before she can dream of island vacations, or even owning a new car on her own.
Thoughts on how to tell a single mom who raised a half a dozen children who’s 60+ years old that she doesn’t know what the hell she’s doing and needs to get her shit in gear?
You’re the man. If you have questions, I’m available on my cell or by email.
All the Best,
J.
Notice what is going on here. This reader wants to encourage his mother — but is being very judgemental. His moral righteousness is preventing him from realizing a key thing: His mother is starting in the same place he did.
He even acknowledges it saying, “I arose from the ashes of poverty while she still hangs her hat there.” But he still goes into a judgemental tirade about how his mother is screwing up.
His first step should have been to step back and acknowledge where she is in the journey. Like him, she also started from poverty. Unlike him, there were probably different potentially bigger barriers in her way, like raising children.
The worst people in the world are people who just learned enough to be dangerous (typically, people who just learned about paleo, weightlifting, or personal finance). They’ve gone through the journey of deciding to change their life, so now they believe everyone needs to join them … without realizing that three months before, they wouldn’t have wanted to hear any of that!
So if someone comes to you who needs encouragement, your first step should always be to stop and listen. Empathize with where they are in their journey.
Two other key points:
Spend time building rapport. It’s easy to launch into how “simple” or “easy” the solution to someone’s problems is. Instead, spend the majority of your time just listening. The conversation should be 90% them 10% you.
Acknowledge their feelings. There’s no better way to discourage someone than by telling them their feelings aren’t legitimate. If someone who needs encouragement comes to you, acknowledge and address their emotions — even if you don’t quite agree with them.
Step 2: Measure how serious they are
Your next step is to discern if they’re ready to be encouraged.
Say a friend comes to you and is telling you about how he’s really struggling with his credit card debt. He also knows you recently got out of debt yourself.
You’ve listened to him talk, empathized with him, and now you’re going to ask him one simple question:
“How serious are you?”
This is key. If your friend’s answer is anything other than, “I’m very serious. I’m ready to do anything to get out of debt,” they don’t want your encouragement and probably just wanted to just complain or feel validated.
In that case, just smile and say, “You’re doing great. I’m sure you’ll figure things out.” Anything more than that would be a waste of time and energy for you.
However, if they communicate that they’re ready for genuine encouragement, move onto the next step.
Step 3: Give them genuine encouragement
Like giving a good compliment, encouraging someone requires authenticity. That’s why you should avoid giving meaningless platitudes like:
“Where there’s a will, there’s a way!”
“The universe never gives you more than you can handle!”
“What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger!”
In fact, NEVER utter any of the phrases above out loud to anyone. The world will be better for it.
Instead, a genuine encouragement acknowledges their struggles and offers a potential solution to their problems.
Let’s take your friend who’s talking to you about debt. After listening you ask, “How serious are you?”
SCENARIO 1: I want to get out of debt! I’m just awful with numbers and this economy is so lame and—
Stop. They don’t really want to know a great system to get out of debt. They just want to complain and for you to listen to them.
YOUR ANSWER: Yeah, it’s tough. I just make sure I’m paying my bills each month.
Another scenario:
SCENARIO 2: Yeah, I’d really like to get out of debt. I’m trying this new thing where I’m cutting out lattes each month and skipping every other meal.
They’re not looking for technical advice. They just want to feel better about what they’re doing. In this case, validate them.
YOUR ANSWER: Good job. That sounds difficult.
Final scenario:
SCENARIO 3: I’m serious. I’ve been reading a few blogs about budgeting. I’ve been contributing X% of my paycheck towards my debt. How did you do it? You got out of debt so fast last year, I want to know how. I’ll do whatever you did.
Now your friend is ready for helpful, genuine encouragement. They’re showing that they’re ready to accept what you have to say and are eager to hear it.
YOUR ANSWER: Great! It sounds like you’re already doing a great job with the research and paying down your debt. Tell you what, send me an email with the amount of your debt and income and we’ll talk about what else you could be doing to crush your debt.
Notice two things with the last example — these are important:
It seems unfathomably rare that anyone would actually say, “I’m serious. I’ll do whatever you tell me to.” Almost nobody ever says this, because almost nobody really wants advice to the level of following through. They want to complain, they want to feel validated, but fewer than 1 in 1,000 actually want to change their behavior. It took me 10 years to truly internalize this. Once you do, you’ll start to be more understanding and empathetic, instead of frustrated.
Even though they say they are 100% serious, I still didn’t dive into the deep, technical “how to” because they are not ready. You’re doing them a favor by parceling out your advice — and you’re giving them a minor barrier to see how serious they really are. Anyone can “say” they’re serious. This is an example of using barriers strategically.
Once you offer your advice, close with an authentic compliment for the person you’re talking to. This helps reaffirm to them that they are capable of handling the situation and ends your encouragement on a high note.
Here’s a great example of one:
You: “John, you’re going to do great. You’re one of the most motivated people I know.”
Them: “Why’s that?”
You: “After talking with you, I noticed you genuinely want to get out of your bad situation. Not only that, but you’re actively doing something about it. That’s something I couldn’t say for the majority of people out there.”
Look at how this compliment is authentic and observational. You noticed something about them and responded authentically to it. Not only will this encourage the person you’re talking to, but they’ll appreciate you all the more for it.
In his book “How to Win Friends and Influence People,” Dale Carnegie put it best:
“The difference between appreciation and flattery? That is simple. One is sincere and the other insincere. One comes from the heart out; the other from the teeth out. One is unselfish; the other selfish. One is universally admired; the other universally condemned.”
People aren’t stupid. They know a weak compliment (or “flattery” as Carnegie called it) when they hear it. They also know the value of a good authentic compliment and appreciate it.
Put these elements together and you can encourage anyone who’s ready for it.
Build the skills to encourage anyone
You can give people the best encouragement in the world, hand them the best tactics, techniques, and strategies, but it still won’t work until the pain of staying the same outweighs the pain of putting in the work and making a change.
That means having the intuition to recognize those moments and the confidence to jump right into those social situations.
If you need help getting there, I want to give you something to help.
First, here’s a video I made to help you improve your social skills in 30 minutes. It’ll help you better position yourself to give advice anyone will listen to.
youtube
Second, my team and I have worked on something to help you take your social skills to the next level:
The Ultimate Guide to Social Skills
This is my FREE guide to help you navigate any confusing social situation. You’ll learn how to:
Make small talk. I reveal the common mistakes most people make and show you some simple ways to make small talk with anyone.
Overcome shyness and build confidence. These are my best strategies on overcoming anxiety and being confident in group settings.
Be more likable. Transform yourself into that person who can walk into any bar or party and talk to anyone with ease.
Enter your information below and get started building amazing social skills today.
How to encourage someone in 3 steps is a post from: I Will Teach You To Be Rich.
from Finance https://www.iwillteachyoutoberich.com/blog/how-to-encourage-someone/ via http://www.rssmix.com/
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Text
How to encourage someone in 3 steps
Knowing how to encourage someone is key for:
Fostering lasting relationships
Developing crucial leadership skills
Helping struggling loved ones improve their lives.
… BUT if you do it wrong, it’s an easy way to frustrate everyone, or worse, come across as a know-it-all.
I’m not going to let that happen to you though. I want to show you a great system to help you learn how to encourage someone today.
How to encourage someone
Here’s the secret to encouraging people you won’t hear from 99.9% of life coaches and self-help books:
You can only encourage someone if they want it.
Think back to high school. I’d be willing to bet that the majority of you have forgotten things from your math classes like the quadratic formula or whatever the heck a protractor does. BUT if I asked you all the words to a song you loved in high school — the one you blasted in the car with your friends and every morning on the way to school — you’d be able to sing it to me perfectly (vocal skills depending).
The same idea applies to encouragement; it’s only effective and ingrained in us when we want it. It’s human nature.
So if you try to encourage someone who doesn’t want it you’re just wasting your time.
This might seem callous but it’s actually very freeing. When you’re able to recognize who’s ready to be encouraged, you’ll know where to focus your energy when it comes to helping people who need it.
I’ve developed a three-step system to help you identify these moments to help you encourage anyone willing to improve themselves.
Step 1: Stop and listen
I got this email from a reader a while back:
From: “J.”
Subject: My question is your next blog topic.
My mother is a hot mess. In a sense, I arose from the ashes of poverty while she still hangs her hat there. She came to visit for Thanksgiving and asked me how I “made my millions” (slight exaggeration) so she could too. I don’t know how to tell her she sucks with money and that she needs to get her shit straight before she can dream of island vacations, or even owning a new car on her own.
Thoughts on how to tell a single mom who raised a half a dozen children who’s 60+ years old that she doesn’t know what the hell she’s doing and needs to get her shit in gear?
You’re the man. If you have questions, I’m available on my cell or by email.
All the Best,
J.
Notice what is going on here. This reader wants to encourage his mother — but is being very judgemental. His moral righteousness is preventing him from realizing a key thing: His mother is starting in the same place he did.
He even acknowledges it saying, “I arose from the ashes of poverty while she still hangs her hat there.” But he still goes into a judgemental tirade about how his mother is screwing up.
His first step should have been to step back and acknowledge where she is in the journey. Like him, she also started from poverty. Unlike him, there were probably different potentially bigger barriers in her way, like raising children.
The worst people in the world are people who just learned enough to be dangerous (typically, people who just learned about paleo, weightlifting, or personal finance). They’ve gone through the journey of deciding to change their life, so now they believe everyone needs to join them … without realizing that three months before, they wouldn’t have wanted to hear any of that!
So if someone comes to you who needs encouragement, your first step should always be to stop and listen. Empathize with where they are in their journey.
Two other key points:
Spend time building rapport. It’s easy to launch into how “simple” or “easy” the solution to someone’s problems is. Instead, spend the majority of your time just listening. The conversation should be 90% them 10% you.
Acknowledge their feelings. There’s no better way to discourage someone than by telling them their feelings aren’t legitimate. If someone who needs encouragement comes to you, acknowledge and address their emotions — even if you don’t quite agree with them.
Step 2: Measure how serious they are
Your next step is to discern if they’re ready to be encouraged.
Say a friend comes to you and is telling you about how he’s really struggling with his credit card debt. He also knows you recently got out of debt yourself.
You’ve listened to him talk, empathized with him, and now you’re going to ask him one simple question:
“How serious are you?”
This is key. If your friend’s answer is anything other than, “I’m very serious. I’m ready to do anything to get out of debt,” they don’t want your encouragement and probably just wanted to just complain or feel validated.
In that case, just smile and say, “You’re doing great. I’m sure you’ll figure things out.” Anything more than that would be a waste of time and energy for you.
However, if they communicate that they’re ready for genuine encouragement, move onto the next step.
Step 3: Give them genuine encouragement
Like giving a good compliment, encouraging someone requires authenticity. That’s why you should avoid giving meaningless platitudes like:
“Where there’s a will, there’s a way!”
“The universe never gives you more than you can handle!”
“What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger!”
In fact, NEVER utter any of the phrases above out loud to anyone. The world will be better for it.
Instead, a genuine encouragement acknowledges their struggles and offers a potential solution to their problems.
Let’s take your friend who’s talking to you about debt. After listening you ask, “How serious are you?”
SCENARIO 1: I want to get out of debt! I’m just awful with numbers and this economy is so lame and—
Stop. They don’t really want to know a great system to get out of debt. They just want to complain and for you to listen to them.
YOUR ANSWER: Yeah, it’s tough. I just make sure I’m paying my bills each month.
Another scenario:
SCENARIO 2: Yeah, I’d really like to get out of debt. I’m trying this new thing where I’m cutting out lattes each month and skipping every other meal.
They’re not looking for technical advice. They just want to feel better about what they’re doing. In this case, validate them.
YOUR ANSWER: Good job. That sounds difficult.
Final scenario:
SCENARIO 3: I’m serious. I’ve been reading a few blogs about budgeting. I’ve been contributing X% of my paycheck towards my debt. How did you do it? You got out of debt so fast last year, I want to know how. I’ll do whatever you did.
Now your friend is ready for helpful, genuine encouragement. They’re showing that they’re ready to accept what you have to say and are eager to hear it.
YOUR ANSWER: Great! It sounds like you’re already doing a great job with the research and paying down your debt. Tell you what, send me an email with the amount of your debt and income and we’ll talk about what else you could be doing to crush your debt.
Notice two things with the last example — these are important:
It seems unfathomably rare that anyone would actually say, “I’m serious. I’ll do whatever you tell me to.” Almost nobody ever says this, because almost nobody really wants advice to the level of following through. They want to complain, they want to feel validated, but fewer than 1 in 1,000 actually want to change their behavior. It took me 10 years to truly internalize this. Once you do, you’ll start to be more understanding and empathetic, instead of frustrated.
Even though they say they are 100% serious, I still didn’t dive into the deep, technical “how to” because they are not ready. You’re doing them a favor by parceling out your advice — and you’re giving them a minor barrier to see how serious they really are. Anyone can “say” they’re serious. This is an example of using barriers strategically.
Once you offer your advice, close with an authentic compliment for the person you’re talking to. This helps reaffirm to them that they are capable of handling the situation and ends your encouragement on a high note.
Here’s a great example of one:
You: “John, you’re going to do great. You’re one of the most motivated people I know.”
Them: “Why’s that?”
You: “After talking with you, I noticed you genuinely want to get out of your bad situation. Not only that, but you’re actively doing something about it. That’s something I couldn’t say for the majority of people out there.”
Look at how this compliment is authentic and observational. You noticed something about them and responded authentically to it. Not only will this encourage the person you’re talking to, but they’ll appreciate you all the more for it.
In his book “How to Win Friends and Influence People,” Dale Carnegie put it best:
“The difference between appreciation and flattery? That is simple. One is sincere and the other insincere. One comes from the heart out; the other from the teeth out. One is unselfish; the other selfish. One is universally admired; the other universally condemned.”
People aren’t stupid. They know a weak compliment (or “flattery” as Carnegie called it) when they hear it. They also know the value of a good authentic compliment and appreciate it.
Put these elements together and you can encourage anyone who’s ready for it.
Build the skills to encourage anyone
You can give people the best encouragement in the world, hand them the best tactics, techniques, and strategies, but it still won’t work until the pain of staying the same outweighs the pain of putting in the work and making a change.
That means having the intuition to recognize those moments and the confidence to jump right into those social situations.
If you need help getting there, I want to give you something to help.
First, here’s a video I made to help you improve your social skills in 30 minutes. It’ll help you better position yourself to give advice anyone will listen to.
youtube
Second, my team and I have worked on something to help you take your social skills to the next level:
The Ultimate Guide to Social Skills
This is my FREE guide to help you navigate any confusing social situation. You’ll learn how to:
Make small talk. I reveal the common mistakes most people make and show you some simple ways to make small talk with anyone.
Overcome shyness and build confidence. These are my best strategies on overcoming anxiety and being confident in group settings.
Be more likable. Transform yourself into that person who can walk into any bar or party and talk to anyone with ease.
Enter your information below and get started building amazing social skills today.
How to encourage someone in 3 steps is a post from: I Will Teach You To Be Rich.
from Surety Bond Brokers? Business https://www.iwillteachyoutoberich.com/blog/how-to-encourage-someone/
0 notes
Text
How to encourage someone in 3 steps
Knowing how to encourage someone is key for:
Fostering lasting relationships
Developing crucial leadership skills
Helping struggling loved ones improve their lives.
… BUT if you do it wrong, it’s an easy way to frustrate everyone, or worse, come across as a know-it-all.
I’m not going to let that happen to you though. I want to show you a great system to help you learn how to encourage someone today.
How to encourage someone
Here’s the secret to encouraging people you won’t hear from 99.9% of life coaches and self-help books:
You can only encourage someone if they want it.
Think back to high school. I’d be willing to bet that the majority of you have forgotten things from your math classes like the quadratic formula or whatever the heck a protractor does. BUT if I asked you all the words to a song you loved in high school — the one you blasted in the car with your friends and every morning on the way to school — you’d be able to sing it to me perfectly (vocal skills depending).
The same idea applies to encouragement; it’s only effective and ingrained in us when we want it. It’s human nature.
So if you try to encourage someone who doesn’t want it you’re just wasting your time.
This might seem callous but it’s actually very freeing. When you’re able to recognize who’s ready to be encouraged, you’ll know where to focus your energy when it comes to helping people who need it.
I’ve developed a three-step system to help you identify these moments to help you encourage anyone willing to improve themselves.
Step 1: Stop and listen
I got this email from a reader a while back:
From: “J.”
Subject: My question is your next blog topic.
My mother is a hot mess. In a sense, I arose from the ashes of poverty while she still hangs her hat there. She came to visit for Thanksgiving and asked me how I “made my millions” (slight exaggeration) so she could too. I don’t know how to tell her she sucks with money and that she needs to get her shit straight before she can dream of island vacations, or even owning a new car on her own.
Thoughts on how to tell a single mom who raised a half a dozen children who’s 60+ years old that she doesn’t know what the hell she’s doing and needs to get her shit in gear?
You’re the man. If you have questions, I’m available on my cell or by email.
All the Best,
J.
Notice what is going on here. This reader wants to encourage his mother — but is being very judgemental. His moral righteousness is preventing him from realizing a key thing: His mother is starting in the same place he did.
He even acknowledges it saying, “I arose from the ashes of poverty while she still hangs her hat there.” But he still goes into a judgemental tirade about how his mother is screwing up.
His first step should have been to step back and acknowledge where she is in the journey. Like him, she also started from poverty. Unlike him, there were probably different potentially bigger barriers in her way, like raising children.
The worst people in the world are people who just learned enough to be dangerous (typically, people who just learned about paleo, weightlifting, or personal finance). They’ve gone through the journey of deciding to change their life, so now they believe everyone needs to join them … without realizing that three months before, they wouldn’t have wanted to hear any of that!
So if someone comes to you who needs encouragement, your first step should always be to stop and listen. Empathize with where they are in their journey.
Two other key points:
Spend time building rapport. It’s easy to launch into how “simple” or “easy” the solution to someone’s problems is. Instead, spend the majority of your time just listening. The conversation should be 90% them 10% you.
Acknowledge their feelings. There’s no better way to discourage someone than by telling them their feelings aren’t legitimate. If someone who needs encouragement comes to you, acknowledge and address their emotions — even if you don’t quite agree with them.
Step 2: Measure how serious they are
Your next step is to discern if they’re ready to be encouraged.
Say a friend comes to you and is telling you about how he’s really struggling with his credit card debt. He also knows you recently got out of debt yourself.
You’ve listened to him talk, empathized with him, and now you’re going to ask him one simple question:
“How serious are you?”
This is key. If your friend’s answer is anything other than, “I’m very serious. I’m ready to do anything to get out of debt,” they don’t want your encouragement and probably just wanted to just complain or feel validated.
In that case, just smile and say, “You’re doing great. I’m sure you’ll figure things out.” Anything more than that would be a waste of time and energy for you.
However, if they communicate that they’re ready for genuine encouragement, move onto the next step.
Step 3: Give them genuine encouragement
Like giving a good compliment, encouraging someone requires authenticity. That’s why you should avoid giving meaningless platitudes like:
“Where there’s a will, there’s a way!”
“The universe never gives you more than you can handle!”
“What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger!”
In fact, NEVER utter any of the phrases above out loud to anyone. The world will be better for it.
Instead, a genuine encouragement acknowledges their struggles and offers a potential solution to their problems.
Let’s take your friend who’s talking to you about debt. After listening you ask, “How serious are you?”
SCENARIO 1: I want to get out of debt! I’m just awful with numbers and this economy is so lame and—
Stop. They don’t really want to know a great system to get out of debt. They just want to complain and for you to listen to them.
YOUR ANSWER: Yeah, it’s tough. I just make sure I’m paying my bills each month.
Another scenario:
SCENARIO 2: Yeah, I’d really like to get out of debt. I’m trying this new thing where I’m cutting out lattes each month and skipping every other meal.
They’re not looking for technical advice. They just want to feel better about what they’re doing. In this case, validate them.
YOUR ANSWER: Good job. That sounds difficult.
Final scenario:
SCENARIO 3: I’m serious. I’ve been reading a few blogs about budgeting. I’ve been contributing X% of my paycheck towards my debt. How did you do it? You got out of debt so fast last year, I want to know how. I’ll do whatever you did.
Now your friend is ready for helpful, genuine encouragement. They’re showing that they’re ready to accept what you have to say and are eager to hear it.
YOUR ANSWER: Great! It sounds like you’re already doing a great job with the research and paying down your debt. Tell you what, send me an email with the amount of your debt and income and we’ll talk about what else you could be doing to crush your debt.
Notice two things with the last example — these are important:
It seems unfathomably rare that anyone would actually say, “I’m serious. I’ll do whatever you tell me to.” Almost nobody ever says this, because almost nobody really wants advice to the level of following through. They want to complain, they want to feel validated, but fewer than 1 in 1,000 actually want to change their behavior. It took me 10 years to truly internalize this. Once you do, you’ll start to be more understanding and empathetic, instead of frustrated.
Even though they say they are 100% serious, I still didn’t dive into the deep, technical “how to” because they are not ready. You’re doing them a favor by parceling out your advice — and you’re giving them a minor barrier to see how serious they really are. Anyone can “say” they’re serious. This is an example of using barriers strategically.
Once you offer your advice, close with an authentic compliment for the person you’re talking to. This helps reaffirm to them that they are capable of handling the situation and ends your encouragement on a high note.
Here’s a great example of one:
You: “John, you’re going to do great. You’re one of the most motivated people I know.”
Them: “Why’s that?”
You: “After talking with you, I noticed you genuinely want to get out of your bad situation. Not only that, but you’re actively doing something about it. That’s something I couldn’t say for the majority of people out there.”
Look at how this compliment is authentic and observational. You noticed something about them and responded authentically to it. Not only will this encourage the person you’re talking to, but they’ll appreciate you all the more for it.
In his book “How to Win Friends and Influence People,” Dale Carnegie put it best:
“The difference between appreciation and flattery? That is simple. One is sincere and the other insincere. One comes from the heart out; the other from the teeth out. One is unselfish; the other selfish. One is universally admired; the other universally condemned.”
People aren’t stupid. They know a weak compliment (or “flattery” as Carnegie called it) when they hear it. They also know the value of a good authentic compliment and appreciate it.
Put these elements together and you can encourage anyone who’s ready for it.
Build the skills to encourage anyone
You can give people the best encouragement in the world, hand them the best tactics, techniques, and strategies, but it still won’t work until the pain of staying the same outweighs the pain of putting in the work and making a change.
That means having the intuition to recognize those moments and the confidence to jump right into those social situations.
If you need help getting there, I want to give you something to help.
First, here’s a video I made to help you improve your social skills in 30 minutes. It’ll help you better position yourself to give advice anyone will listen to.
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Second, my team and I have worked on something to help you take your social skills to the next level:
The Ultimate Guide to Social Skills
This is my FREE guide to help you navigate any confusing social situation. You’ll learn how to:
Make small talk. I reveal the common mistakes most people make and show you some simple ways to make small talk with anyone.
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Be more likable. Transform yourself into that person who can walk into any bar or party and talk to anyone with ease.
Enter your information below and get started building amazing social skills today.
How to encourage someone in 3 steps is a post from: I Will Teach You To Be Rich.
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Bent Not Broken - Shea Family Legal Funds Help
Friends,
This is really hard to swallow my pride and admit that we are facing some major difficulties in trying to finance the legal fees to keep the kids safe from some very dangerous situations. I’ve spent most of my career fundraising for others (Hospice, United Way, Veterans with PTSD, Homelessness, Drug Prevention & Recovery) and it never occurred to me to ask for help for us, until I came across a page for a family who lost their child to a rare disease and more recently a family whose Dad/Husband committed suicide. It brought me to tears and I couldn't even imagine the hurt and pain they have endured and continue to endure. It made me think about the call for action on bringing addiction, the opioid epidemic and mental health awareness to the forefront. My children do not suffer any physical impairments but are struggling with PTSD and are challenged with a parent with serious addictions, personality disorders and all that comes with that. It has been extremely difficult to come up with the right words, phrases or sentiments about our situation without coming off as sounding like I am some super-parent because I am not. It's embarrassing to ask for financial assistance with a situation that affects my sensitive teenagers, precocious 9 year old, friends, family and daily life. My only goals here are to:1. Protect the kids from serious danger already happening 2. Help try to prevent an avoidable tragedy for my kids should there be an OD/accident 3. Put the legal issues to bed by finally putting an End to the enabling, denial, indifference, and tolerance and Put into Action what has been imminent and now immediately necessary4. Spread awareness and offer help for any other families, bent-families or bending families that are dealing with or on the verge of dealing with similar issues. The kid's mother struggles with severe opioid addiction, alcoholism, and personality disorders. As does her live-in roommate of 2 years and past live-in roommate of 3 years. Has been to rehab numerous times, made some progress but then regresses. Years of battling this addiction, sporadic inconsistent recovery efforts and dealing with attorneys, enormous fee$ and a family in denial, Nothing for my children has changed except schools, cities, various living situations, various partners mom brings home, lack of commitments, unmet expectations and obligations, broken promises, etc. Addiction is a family disease and it has affected and continues to infect the kids in so many ways that I can't even articulate all of them here. When sober and independent, their mother is a decent mom and person. The kid’s mother's family, while good intentioned, do not seem to grasp the totality and reality of what is going on or what my kids face on a daily basis. They have not grasped the concept of Enabling and loving someone to death. Taking real concrete legally bound preventative safety measures to avoid dangerous and life threatening situations for a 15, 14 and 9 year old has escaped their scope and abilities. That is exactly why I am asking for your help. This isn’t meant to be an indictment of the kid's mother or her family but I continue to take on 90% of sole responsibility for the kids financially, physically, emotionally and spiritually with no "co-parenting" support or reimbursement. Unfortunately, my job is not one that is lucrative enough to finance the legal fees that need to be paid in order to finalize these actions. Another challenge we face is that the other side of this unfortunate situation is well-financed, will not listen to reason, avoids recovery and cannot admit that there even is a problem. No-shows at scheduled court hearings, Cancelled court hearings and subsequent mediation attempts, Abdication of Legally-bound time-sharing, Absconding on trips to avoid Legally-Bound Time-sharing, Broken Communication, Blocking Communication, Negligent and Contradictory Co-Parenting, Delay tactics, Unresponsive to drug-testing requests, Unresponsive to my attorneys, avoidance of being served injunctions, avoidance of DCF, theft, domestic violence, negligence, indifference, abandonment, numerous police visitations to numerous residences, dragging out litigation, procrastination until some unforeseen law enforcement action all have not worked. A public arrest, public news at 6pm type stories, newspaper articles, rescinding of a job didn’t motivate anyone to think there was an ongoing problem. Stealing of our daughter's bodily fluids was the only thing that finally inspired the last rehab trip. Currently and foreseeably in the future the mentality is that: " She got her graduation certificate from Rehab and all traces of addiction have been cured and stamped out. End of Story. Life shifts back to Happily Ever After........" We all know better! This is not reality for most addicts and families of addicts. It is not my kid’s reality. The avoidance of making good on the legally bound obligations (to the tune of $20,000) and past & current drug-fueled behavior cannot be avoided any longer. Sometimes, families want someone to be someone they are not so badly they will pay to make it so and then that person will rebel and this is exactly what is going on and my kids are the pawns in this sad dysfunctional situation. We are faced with a very large debt from what has not been paid in child support fees and are facing an even bigger challenge with what seems to be insurmountable legal fees just to achieve some sort of rational financial retribution, protection from ongoing financial default, safe visitation/time-sharing plan and preventative safety measures from all of the inherent dangers that come with her addiction that have not ceased in 7 years and are active currently.
Your help is welcome and very much appreciated. I lost my own Mom (to breast cancer) at 17 and do not want the same fate for my kids. It is not easy to grow up without your Mom and even harder when she is alive but not really present. I am grateful for your consideration and any amount of help that you can give. Sincerely & Positively :), Tim, Kaley, Jack & Lily Shea
Funded Justice
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Buffalo Bills: Things we know this Week
Warning steadfast Bills Fans and bounteous Cover 32 readers!! “Negative Stanley” will be writing this commentary next week and for that I apologize in advance and am by no means not expecting every single one of you to exonerate me.
When he espied my unavailability next week he did not 100% accredit the sincerity to my claim. He doubted the reality of my upcoming absence being very much aware of my past; writing twice on the Bills pond crossing road trip, also being our vacation to London. I previously had completed writing on our slumping Bills while visiting Italy ,Caribbean Islands, hospitals, nursing homes, bed and breakfasts, Las Vegas, Toronto, Tim Horton’s and others.
He also knows my work ethic and the way I was raised, meaning going into work or handling a commitment in every condition or situation like being sick, injured, upbeat, negative, tired or wired, injured or fixed. He was also aware that I held the record at my previous 24 year career going a stretch of 11 and a half years consecutively without missing a day of work.
So he acted alone and called my managing editor checking to see if I was telling the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth. Once confirmed, the sly guy that he is went right over my head with his real motive for the interest in my affairs and offered his writing services. I cannot argue the fact that he knows his sports, especially football and the hometown team, as well as anyone.
He has the skills required to write because he does for his VFW post handling an event newsletter as well as contributing to his church bulletin. That being said… On two notes, the first being Stanley filling in for me and the second being 11 plus years of not missing any work, all I have to say is… “WHAT WAS I THINKING?“ That is an awful lot of weeks, if totaled; in sick days I clearly left on the table without any appreciation from anyone except my colleagues who dodged having to cover any of my tasks.
“Use them or lose them!” That was our motto. So for all other employees, the days were used because they were a benefit, for me… lost days they were, never to be retrieved. As far as Stanley goes, you will probably enjoy his approach and if it is not worthy of being published, our Managing Editor will see to it that it never makes it past him.
On the topic of reading this commentary, I wanted to thank the loyal readers who are part of the original 150 readers averaged in early months and slowly that trended up to between 350 and 650 per week, but I also wanted to recognize the last article was viewed by close to 2000 readers. Many of those readers were on the site lured in by the extremely successful Tom Brady April fool’s Day article, but it is what it is. 2000 Football Fans viewed my commentary for whatever reason. I sincerely thank you.
I would like nothing better than to give a shout out to West Seneca’s own Joseph Pajek wishing him a devout Happy Birthday this week. Joe was the Cheektowaga street hockey goalie who was famous for wearing purple foam homemade pads, famous for falling through the attic floor which just so happened to be the ceiling of the living room where his parents were watching the Bills on TV only to be shocked by his dangling legs.
He is also remembered for being dropped off home by friends who rang the doorbell leaving him in the wheelbarrow he was wheeled home in for his parents care. Happy Birthday to a great friend, reader and Bills fan. His name will be utilized to strategically review:
AROUND COVER32
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Things We Know About the Buffalo Bills This Week
J = Join me in paying respect and honoring the memory of former Bills executive Tom Modrak, who at 74 years old passed away Wednesday in his home. He spent a decade with the Bills front office following some years as the general manager of the Philadelphia Eagles where Sean McDermott worked under him.
O = Offseason Voluntary workouts are officially under way.
Officially the Bills play Detroit in the pre-season. IMAGINE THAT? I personally cannot remember a season that the two teams did not play a meaningless preseason game against each other. That being said, I do not recall meaningful regular season games between these two teams since well before Detroit spanked Buffalo in the 1994 Thanksgiving Day game in the old Pontiac Silverdome.
E = Experience has been added to the quarterback position to avoid a season such as the season Jeff Tuhl was the starter. The Bills have inked a deal with T.J Yates, the 29 year old veteran quarterback who played college ball at North Carolina. He has started several games in the NFL including two playoff games for Houston. He is aware that this is Tyrod’s team and respects the Pro-Bowl quarterback who came out of college the same year as him. He also knows at any time he could be called upon to start or come into a game due to injuries and other situations not planned for.
P = Pick up of interest: How about this for a signing by Buffalo, Ian Seau, a defensive end out of Nevada at 6’2 and 250 pounds with one year experience. He was an undrafted free agent signing by the Rams last season. Hopefully he lasts a little longer than Scott Crichton who was waived before my announcement of his signing was up on Cover32. Oh��� did I mention Seau is the nephew of Pro Football Hall of Fame linebacker Junior Seau?
A = Angry was the vibe at the locker clean out for the Pegula Empires NHL team, the Buffalo Sabres. Superstar Jack Eichel and leader Ryan O’reilly both made it very clear at the exiting interviews that accountability needs to be a large factor improved or added to the Sabres and that neither of them will say anything other than the playoff drought is unacceptable.
Guys…I feel for you, but take a drive on the 190 South and shoot over to the 90 West and exit off of the 90 or the 219 with several options to One Bills Drive. You can meet members of the staff or players that are employed by an organization smack in the middle of a 17 year playoff drought. It is not fun missing the playoffs in hockey especially when 16 teams qualify and the rebuild should have been complete at this point. Neither of those two high profile Sabers were on the team the last time they even had a longshot view of the playoffs.
A nice trip to Orchard Park might put things into perspective before either of you grab a chair and rope because your playoff drought is the common cold sniffles compared to the Bills testing positive for a potential terminal disease. Did I cheer ya up Hockey boys? Entire player’s careers have started, gone on for a long times and ended on the same NFL team and no playoff games experienced. Wipe away the tears because Things are tough all over.
J = Jacob Lindsey, Jack Metz, Jordon Mulge, Junior Sylvestre, and Cameron Jefferson all have a name beginning with the letter J. A second equally important fact is they all were signed by the Bills this past week. Good Luck Guys.
E = Ex-Assistant coach Rob Ryan has been reported to have had total run of the place at one Bills Drive in an effort to cultivate his value as a coach after being fired from New Orleans and Dallas as Defensive Coordinator. Originally he was reported to be an assistant coach to help out in all areas wherever Rex would delegate assistance being needed. It turns out that Rob pushed Dennis Thurman right out of his way.
Instead of helping the players grasp the complex systems that failed the previous year or scaling it down simplifying things, Rob was calling the shots that he wanted on any side of the ball with whomever he desired. Rex empowered his brother who worked all over the place while Rex made sure his own personal hours did not out duel that of a bank teller.
I am not saying that if Rex did not bring his brother in the Bills sneak out a wild card spot securing Rex’s job, but you could say it’s a possibility. If Rex put his full effort into it like it was his livelihood and family depended on it coaching as a career with extreme urgency, as opposed to his own complacent nature he may be staring at targeting a deep playoff run to follow up on the previous year’s playoff “for show”.
K = Keep this in mind that when you ruminated on the restructuring of Tyrod Taylor’s contract keeping him in Buffalo and the signing of T.J. Yates while Cardale Jones has already been in place for the third string position to continue learning and improving on his very raw but athletic skill set, Bills General Manager Doug Whaley, Scouts and the owner have been visiting or working out several college quarterbacks who are going to be drafted this year. Sean McDermott did exactly what he should have done telling Kiss FM’s morning show “Maybe these last three or four trips were just kind of all a smokescreen, right?”
Well Played Coach. Well played indeed. I sure am ready to say that ten to 13 weeks during the regular season. If that is the case, the draught will end and the Bills will be back. Let’s not get ahead of ourselves. Been there. Done that.
READ MORE: Bills have significant interest in Trubisky
The post Buffalo Bills: Things we know this Week appeared first on Cover32.
#_uuid:efca6943-5e87-3688-a222-54200c0bbb3c#_lmsid:a0Vd000000DIJnLEAX#_revsp:cover32_362#_author:Scott Bryk
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