#I swear most of the other fictives we have don't feel anywhere near as weird about being fictives
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I just spent 4 and a half hours on a drawing because I was like "hmm, drawing a self portrait sounds fun" and then I spent the whole time working on it going "this is absolutely beautiful but that is not my fucking face and I can't work out why it doesn't look right"
#personal#thoughts#art rambles#🍬 post#it really does look great but it's just not quite right and I can't pinpoint why#I just looked at it again after doing something else for a while and it looks better than I initially thought?#but there's something about it that's kind of giving uncanny valley vibes#then again I think that happens whenever we draw anything in enough detail and then after a while it stops looking creepy#actually maybe I do just look creepy. that's absolutely a possibility that I'm willing to accept. a man can be both creepy and hot#this would explain all the times Lucy has called me both ''creepy'' and ''hot'' in the same sentence#also I have no idea if I'll actually post the drawing when it's done#I still feel kind of weird posting drawings that are specifically meant to be me rather than my source#especially if there's no context to show that it's specifically an in-system thing#with the one drawing I have posted of me and Lucy there's context so it's more obvious#it feels like if it's indistinguishable from the drawings we'd normally do of my source is there any point specifying that it isn't that#even though I know that's not true and it's absolutely fine for me to draw myself and say ''this is me''#if I think about this stuff to hard I start to feel really weird about being a fictive again#I swear most of the other fictives we have don't feel anywhere near as weird about being fictives#I don't get why I have such a weird time with it compared to the rest of the system#(also I say all this as if I draw myself all the time. I've only ever drawn myself a couple of times but yeah idk)#(the thing of feeling weird posting stuff applies to other stuff like source memories or whatever)#(or literally anything that references any traits I might have picked up from my source)
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