#I think I've finally learned to curb my expectations of others and just let things be how they will be

[treadmilltreats]

C

Never going back there again...ever

I am an easygoing person. I try to see the best in everyone, and I am big on forgiveness, but when I am done with you, I am done. There is no going back, ever!

I will give you the shirt off my back, I will be your friend through thick and thin. If I am in love with you, I will be your biggest cheerleader. You will never have to think about if I have your back, because I do!

If you break my trust, if you purposely hurt me, then it's over, done, finished. I am a one and done girl, just like my idea about tattoos. For me, it's one and done. I don't need to feel that pain again.

I got one tattoo that expresses all I feel, so I'm done.

Yes, I will forgive you but sorry I don't need to learn the lesson again.I'm good, thanks. When I finally had the courage to leave my abusive marriage, that was it. There was no going back. I've been there, done that, and I knew the results would continue to be the same, so why stay?

When my ex-boyfriend cheated years ago, I threw him out in the street at 1 am. on Christmas Eve. Oh yes, I was done, Christmas Eve or not. Sorry, not, sorry.

Just like Mr. Con Artist who was leading a double life. I threw him to the curb at 2 am (Wait...there's a pattern here…don't piss me off in the middle of the night if you need a place to sleep)

It's over, done, no explanations. No, I'm sorrys, I don't need a repeat performance, I got it loud and clear the first time.

I don't understand people out there who let "others" hit them, then make excuses for their behavior. Then, after the second or third time, they are still there. Why? Do you really expect a different result? The definition of insanity is doing the same things and expecting different results. He's cheated on you a dozen times. Do you really think if he does it 13 times, that will be enough for him? Do you think he will stop there? Come on, be real!

Is a no good man better than no man? Are you afraid of being alone that you will put up with anything? He's lied about his past, his finances, and his exes. You've caught him in more lies than you have fingers and toes, yet you believe the next thing he says that comes out of his mouth, really? I heard that the Brooklyn Bridge is pretty cheap, and I can get you a good deal on it. Come on, do you actually believe that bullshit?

He's promised he would quit drinking, gambling, doing drugs, yet he comes back to you again, broke and drunk. And there you are cleaning up his puke and lying to the landlord yet again, why?? Why do you think this time will be different?

I am not saying that people don't make mistakes. Read my blog. I am far from perfect and have screwed up plenty of times, but there has to be a line, and if you cross it, it's over. I like myself way too much to be treated like that anymore. You should like yourself that much. Believe me, being alone is so much better than being with someone you can't trust or has hurt you over and over again. I swear to you, you will be okay.

So today, my friends, my message is to have some self worth, and know your value. You need to know that you are a queen or king and by God, you will be treated like one or there is the door, don't let it hit you in the ass on the way out! Period!

Learn your lesson, take it, and move on. Be determined that you will not repeat that mistake twice. You will see it coming the next time, you will lay ground rules on how you will be treated, and if they do not, then it's over and mean it

Dr. Phil always says you start a relationship the way you want to be treated. So stand up and know your worth and take nothing less! You will be amazed at how good that feels, and let me tell you that you are worth it. Stand up and don't look back. You can't drive your car looking at the rear view mirror. Don't go back there ever again.

"Be the change you want to see,"

@TreadmillTreats

And just when the caterpillar thought his life over...he turned into a beautiful butterfly"

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The Blessing in Disguise.... revealed

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[interact-if]

Day 5 of A/PI Heritage Month featured authors interview! The lovely Parker, everyone!

Parkerlyn, author of The Nameless

A/PI Heritage Month Featured Author

Legend goes when the world was formed, the mortal races, mortalis, were created with the gift of magic. But as time passed their hubris grew, and the sheevra were created to curb their pride.

When it comes to these chaotic and malevolent beings, the lands are full of cautionary tales. Though some would tell you that the stories are just that. To them, names have no power. There are no mysterious deals to fear, and the figure who seduces you into an alley at midnight is certainly no malicious spirit.

Which luckily for you means easy prey.

Author's Ko-fi | Discord

(INTERVIEW TRANSCRIPT UNDER THE INTERVIEW!)

Q1: First of all, introduce us to your project! What is it about?

The Nameless is a mishmash of fey stories and a... teetering on apocalyptic setting? The world itself is almost completely covered by desert save for four regions and cities that have maintained life around them. The origins of that desert, the Arids, are said to have been from wars thousands of years ago where there was too much magic siphoned from the world, and the cost was desolation.

The reader enters the story as a sheevra (the fey-based race) who's been taught that all this was the mortal race’s doing in their desire for power. And that the sheevra were created to take that energy back from them via deals and names to slowly restore the world's more verdant state.

If you asked the mortalis though, they'd sing a different tune. To them, the sheevra are the remnants of the entity mainly responsible for the state of the Arids, and they're the reason why the world is stuck like it is.

Where does the truth actually fall? Well…

The game itself kicks off when one of the four sheevra clans in the world goes missing, and you're sent to investigate what happened. Though whether or not you really want to find out remains to be seen.

Q2: If it’s not too spoilery, what are you most excited about your project?

I'm definitely buzzing over some of the reveals behind the Arids and other features of the world, and how things are tied together. The puzzle will start getting filled in towards the end of Book 1 and will culminate in the final major choice of the entire story, and I'm really excited to see how people handle it.

I'm also looking forward to exploring more of the backstories of the romances and various characters, and also for more descriptions of magic-tech and how that's integrated into each of the cities (had a BLAST with this in upcoming content). Just in general, excited to continue bringing the world to life!

Q3: What inspired the current project you’re working on?

The Nameless was initially sparked by a D&D NPC, Oisein's predecessor who was far more bitter and not quite the sarcastic chaos gremlin they are today.

Specifically from Kobold Press' Courts of the Shadow Fey, this NPC was supposed to be just a one sentence rumor. But (of course) my players decided to pursue that route more in depth. Said character that I made up on the spot then ended up being a regular that I eventually made into a PC for another campaign. And...things sort of spiraled and transformed from there as I created their backstory and fell in love with the characters who would then become the four romances of the game.

There's also a theme I've been wanting to write about for a long time which might lend itself to spoilers, that I was finally able to find a home for in the world of The Nameless. So it's a dash of old and new ideas!

Q4: Do you pull from your own identity for inspiration? How has that been reflected in your work?

There's some indulgent, more obvious ones like the city of Han, which is directly named after the Han River in Korea and is, well, the City of Rivers. There's also small references to Korean folklore within the sheevra that will probably continue to show up, and you better believe Korean inspired food and clothing will make an appearance haha.

But below the surface level, I think a lot of the mannerisms and backstories of the characters may unconsciously be affected by my identity. Until someone asked me about modern ethnicities for the love interests, I didn't realize how much I had tied my mixed culture into these characters. But I'm happy to have that little piece intertwined in their personalities, their values, and their attitudes, as a small nod to my own Korean-American background.

This will probably become more evident in the settings too. There's a lot of mixed inspirations and sources in the architecture, environment, and culture of each city that I'm looking forward to expanding on.

So yeah, it's kind of funny to see that manifest in my writing, but hopefully it helps to build up an interesting and unique environment for readers to immerse themselves in!

Q5: What’s been your experience so far? With writing, with the if community...

For writing in general, this is by far the largest project I've ever taken on, and there was and is a learning curve when adjusting for interactive fiction. But I've enjoyed the freedom and variation I've been able to build into this story with this medium, and think it continues to take shape in ways I never initially planned but love to see!

For the IF community, it's definitely been positive! I kind of just chucked this story out there not expecting much from it and figured it would be hard for anyone else to get into. Honestly I thought that maybe just a few people would see it, but that it would mostly be self indulgent.

But the support from other writers and readers and the questions I've received has just been amazing, and I’m glad I dived deeper into the IF community. Especially when the self-doubt inevitably creeps in and you have those moments of "oof this is terrible". The positive words and encouragement mean so much, and I don't think I'll ever be able to express how much it helps. I'm also really happy to have found an overall inclusive community, and hope I can extend that space into this game!

Also the stories and games out there? Talented, brilliant, incredible, amazing, show-stopping, spectac-

Q6: Do you have any future projects in the works?

None at the moment, my focus is mainly on writing The Nameless and continuing to develop features for the Twine version!

Q7: Finally, what piece of advice would you give to fellow authors?

Don't let yourself get down by comparisons. It's easy to slip into, and I'm definitely guilty of it too! But no one's going to tell your story like you can and the way you want it, so it's up to you to share that with the world!

[siimjaeyun]

Chapter 2: Caution, Gators can eat humans. 

Synopsis: The wishes for a new mystery after the sudden decrease in Seoul sends the teen mystery group to a town nearby. It’s own name justifies itself, and let’s just say: things don’t get pretty when JK (the anonymous caller) sends them on a chase. 

Series Masterlist

------------------------------------------------------

Absent-mindedly, the man continued to drive his SUV  through the bumpy roads of Gatorsville, a small town just miles away from Seoul. 

"We need to pull up for gas." The father made his way to the abandoned gas station, allowing his daughter to walk for a bit with the puppy. 

The small puppy ran off into the bushes; the girl followed suit and called its name.

When she managed to reach her hand in, it met a pair of red fiery eyes back at her. Shocked, she jumped backwards and cried for help. 

"Dad! It's a monster!" In disbelief, the man refused to believe her, but met the same sketched black-green lizard pattern with glowing eyes. 

He didn't manage to say much, but got himself into the car and drove off in a hurry leaving whatever the creature was back in the dark. 

------ 

"I'm bored.." Sunoo plopped backwards and landed on top of poor Sunghoon who was resting comfortably on the floor. 

"What's up with Seoul, there hasn't been a mystery!" Jungwon soon joined Sunoo, crushing Sunghoon as well, making him cry out. 

"Yo Jake, help me!" Jake helped the boy, picking him up and throwing him on the couch with you. 

"Heeseung what's this?" You picked the magazine that was crumpled between the two couch cushions; part of you wished you had left it once seeing the front cover.

"It's a trap illustrated! Where do you think I got the inspo for this beauty." He flaunted the cords hung onto the metal crates.

"And who exactly do you expect to catch?" 

Right on time, the delivery man got himself hung onto the trap set on the front, simply handing him the package once Heeseung managed to open the door and let him free. 

"It's a package." 

A loud thunder banged against the windows, letting the rain and its friends make itself present in the home. With caution, he opened it revealing an object covered by tissue and an envelope stamped in red with [JK] 

"I swear JK gives me the creeps." The group opened the rest of its contents and found a gator skinned bag in the box. 

"Maybe a trip to Gatorsville wouldn't hurt. Safe travels." 

"This doesn't make sense. I thought Gatorsville didn't make skin products anymore." Jake observed the purse, handling each nook and cranny with care. 

"Gatorsville? Like as in actual Gators?" Sunoo tried setting himself apart, clearly intimidated by the idea of gators. 

"150 years ago, miners had moved to Gatorsville in search of oil and gold. Instead, they found the abundance of gators in the area, and mounted businesses on the farms which made them rich. They sold products everywhere, but when there were no more gators, everyone moved out. It's practically a ghost town." 

"Then I'm assuming we have a new mystery?" Heeseung smiled and led the way out the door, at least before all six of you found yourselves captured in the same trap as the delivery man. 

------ 

"Let's look around." They split into their usual teams, and trailed off. 

"So, Jake, how do you like it so far?" You realized you hadn't learned much about the boy besides his past in Australia and his cute dog that visited occasionally. 

"To be honest, it was really boring before Sunghoon invited me to come along. I'm glad I've got people who make life interesting." His small eye smile reassured you and you kept exploring the area. 

From afar, Jungwon, Heeseung, and Sunoo found no hope of a mystery and made their way back to the remaining three of you. 

"I guess JK sent us on a wild goose chase. Let's head back before it's too late." You gladly hopped back into the van and when Heeseung turned his key, the car wouldn't start. He trudged back and opened the car to see his engine had gone missing. 

"Uhh...guys!" Sunghoon walked out, first witnessing the same event. 

"H-how is it possible?" The six teens huddled around the missing spot, and turned around with a blinding light flashed forward. 

"What do you exactly think you're doing!?" A man in his late 50's stepped out of the tow truck, and his eyebags and cuts on his upper eyebrow clearly signaled he wasn't here to talk much. 

"Our engine is missing, think you can help?" 

"And why should I?" He punched his knuckles and caused Jungwon to step backwards with Sunoo. 

"Cause you're a mechanic?" 

"Right. Well you're going to have to wait until tomorrow morning anyway-I have to wait for Seoul to come deliver a new one." 

As the teens tried to call their parents, they received no response. They were either busy or didn’t care, clearly comforting the goofy timeline of teen chaos and drama. 

"Just call Jay, maybe he can come." Hesitant, you dialed his number and received no response. 

"He probably fell asleep. We're gonna have to stay the night." A neon sign was perfectly hung on the side of a building. 

[GATOR INN] 

"Hello, anyone there?" You clung onto Jake who just like you, preferred to lurk in the background while Heeseung and Jungwon took the lead. 

"What do you want!?" A woman appeared from the dark shadows of the motel stairs, letting her fingers trail against the handrail. 

“A room?” 

“We’re all booked.” The woman sat on the closest tool: filing her nails without bothering to look at the teens in their eyes. 

“But your sign says vacancy.” Sunghoon pointed to the sign from before, the clear letters stating VACANCY. 

“Alright, follow me. I have a few rules, the girly over there gets her own room. The five of you that remain can split into two rooms.” 

“Wait, no. Jungwon-he’s my brother; we can share a room.” You gave a slight signal to Jungwon to play along with the game, and the woman simply handed you the keys and walked back. 

Her bright red hair decorated in pink bows peaked from behind her, but disappeared almost immediately once she turned her head forwards to face you. 

“One more thing, if you hear biting, screams, loud shrieks: ignore and enjoy your day.” Her loud hairstyle finally left the hall, and you entered the old furnished room with Jungwon. 

“It’s clear this hasn’t been cleaned in months.” You dropped your bag on the bed, and accompanied the bag to find a comfortable spot to rest. 

------ 

“I wonder why y/n would lie to the woman about Jungwon being her brother.” Jake sat on the nearby chair, pushing the cushion downward. 

“He’s scared to sleep alone; and he’s basically her child.” 

“I’m not sleepy.” 

“Neither am I. Why don’t we head out and explore if there’s anything worthwhile in the Motel.” They grabbed their jackets and exited the room, finding Jungwon and y/n heading out as well. 

The four bodies met at the center of the hall, confused, but not surprised by their need to exit the walls of the motel guest room. 

“Clearly, smart minds think alike.” You scoffed at his statement and led the way out the lobby. There wasn’t much to see clearly. The van was parked on the curb, the sky was dark and covered in a blanket of fog; everything appeared in order. 

The comfortable silence was quickly disturbed by subtle movements in the bushes. 

“I-i think something is there.” Jake reached out to move the branches and get a clear image, but a creature jumped out causing them to fall on their backs. 

“G-gator people!” Sunghoon picked up Jungwon, while Jake helped you up and led you away from the monster that was currently chasing you. You quickly made your way up the flights of stairs: pushing through the other flights that followed to your bedrooms. 

The creature continued; its sharp claws gauging at the walls and leaving a claw nail stuck in the paintings that were nicely hung. Without hesitation, the four of you barged into Heeseung and Sunoo’s room. 

“What are you guys doing here?” Sunoo barely bothered to look up from his screen when he witnessed the same creature enter the room, crushing the door that was once attached. 

“Gator people?” In fear, all of you clung onto the windows from the edge. Your foots collected on top of a single mattress, throwing the closest objects towards the creature.

The room quickly went black. A red glow emerged from the corners from the room allowing the two gators to creep under the floorboards and take a hold of your right leg pulling it downward. 

Your body slipped from the thin lifting of the window balcony, and soon enough it was being dragged from under the five boys,  leaving you to scream. 

Jake and Heeseung plunged forwards, each taking a hold of one of your arms to prevent the gators from dragging your body any further. Sunghoon took the liberty of stomping on the arms of the gators, making them retreat backwards. They slipped on their own tails and fell downward through the same hole they had crept through. You made your way up and looked at the gator skin dangling from your ankle. A white stuffing peeked through the thin fabric; the monster clearly wasn’t real. 

“It isn’t real?” Before Sunoo could continue with his pondering thoughts, the two gators once more crawled from below and sank their claws into the boards. The six teens ran out the door and out of the motel. 

‘COME BACK TO VISIT’ The tacky green sign hung on the side, and was the last part of their vision before securely making their way out of the Gatorsville. They turned their heads back to the issue, and saw as the gators came to an abrupt stop once they had exited the town. Slippery, and cautious, the duo hid once more and retreated back. 

“That was close.” 

“We have to go back, come on!” Jungwon, almost-excited like, pushed his older companions to the inners of town once more. They slyly hid in the trees until they found the two gators pushing large crates into a ship; one crate after another went inside. 

“Here.” Heeseung managed to bust the crate open, revealing packs of gator skinned products. Each marked with the same tag from earlier, ‘100% gator.’ 

Sunoo rolled up one of his sleeves and picked a belt from within the crate, and without thought, he wrapped the skin around his own. After some moments, he released the belt from his grasp and let it fall to the ground with a small clank following afterward. 

“It’s fake, just look at my skin!” Sunghoon and Jungwon inspected him and found a pink rashing forming on his pale flesh. Sunoo was known for his skin sensitivity, and everyone knew that any fake animal product would send the boy into itches and scratches. 

“The only thing we have here folks is a bunch of con-artists.” Heeseung sighs and makes his way to set up another one of his elaborate traps. 

------ 

“Jake, now!” Jake quickly shot the arrow to the target, and it lunged to release the two boxes hanging by cords on the top side of the building. 

The gators made their efforts to leave, but quickly were captured by the teen’s proud ploy. 

“Got them!” Jake once more looked at the boxes with curiorsity, helping Sunghoon push it back towards the Motel entrance. 

“Chief Kim.” The police man trudged through Gator Inn and found the huddled teens around two gator people caught in ropes. 

“What is the meaning of this?” 

“This Chief Kim is…” Heeseung pulled back the mask which revealed the owner of the motel inn and the scornful mechanic. 

“What!?” 

“That’s right. This is our home and when everyone left, we couldn’t just go. This is our home. So we started making cheap products to earn some money. We used the costumes to scare off yee visitors and get them away from our business. And we would have gotten away with it, if it wasn’t for you meddling tourists!” 

Chief Kim quickly gave a nod which sent the gators to get sent to the back of his police car. They didn’t bother asking more questions and were about to drive off when Sunghoon rushed behind them. 

“Wait! We need a ride!” 

Almost on cue, the engine of their van made a growl, and the front lights illuminated their bodies. “Is it haunted?” Jungwon approached it carefully, and lifted the hood of the car; the engine was back in its place and now accompanied with a note hanging from the top. 

“I hope you enjoyed your visit, but remember there is more to come. This is only the beginning of the puzzle. JK”  The signature red stamp with bold letters JK glistened under the moonlight. 

“More? I swear, this just keeps getting more creepy.” The six were left with nothing but to make their way back home, and who knows what they would expect next. 

------

Note: Jay and Niki will be progressively included in the story line. I’m sorry for the long wait :( 

[insomniblaque]

I’ve been thinking about romantic love for a little while now. Well, mostly romantic, but in general I’ve been contemplating my relationship with men and where love fits in those relationships. I’ll be honest, romantic love hasn’t manifested itself in the way I’ve seen other people experience it. I’ve never been in a mutual relationship with someone I’d call a partner, I haven’t been intimate with a person long enough for that part of a relationship to materialize, and I’ve been thinking a lot about why that is, and the role I’ve had in perpetuating that experience. When I was first trying to learn what love was supposed to look like, around middle school I’d say, I wanted to blame myself and relatively superficial factors based on some of my most intimate insecurities — how I felt about my body, my skin, my hair as the reasons why boys didn’t come flocking to me. I blamed things that are uniquely tied to what I looked like. The way I saw love being expressed to other girls — girls who were taller, lighter, skinnier, with less acne molded my expectation of what men wanted and fueled the insecurities I had because they seemed to be everything I wasn’t. While these thoughts existed and played a role in how closed off I was to the idea of professing my intense like for men, they didn’t stay for long, mainly because of the relationships I had with men at that time. My father always made it a point to affirm my worth. My father loved my smile, my gap, my violet gums, my cheeks and voice and never forgot to remind me of how special and beautiful  I am. He would jest about when I would bring a boy home often because “there was no way they weren’t asking to approach me” because I look the way I do. My friendships with mostly boys around that time also offset some of that insecurity because I had friends who not only valued me as a person but appreciated me for things I didn’t necessarily notice in myself like my wit, sense of humor, ability to listen and call them out on their shit.

Over the years, I’ve gone through different phases of trying to redefine my insecurities for myself but ultimately so that I wouldn’t let these self limiting beliefs stand in the way of the potential relationships I could develop. It started with my face. The ugly duckling years of middle school prompted my first interests in learning about makeup so that I could distract people from what I didn’t want them to see.  It evolved into a genuine appreciation of the art and eventually a form of therapy for me. I loved beautifying myself for me -- a stray compliment (though I didn’t know how to accept them) also contributed to the boost in dopamine but ultimately, it was the agency of being able to do something only I knew how to do at the time that added to my confidence. Next was my hair, I think I was the most insecure about that for the longest time. My sister always had thicker, longer hair than me and my worth — especially in a deeply Caribbean household felt tied to how manageable and beautiful I could be and hair was the first indicator of that. When relaxed, my hair was thin, uneven, and barely scraped my shoulders. In high school, after having skipped a couple of relaxer sessions before the first day of my sophomore year, I chopped it all off with kitchen scissors. I remember wanting to see if I could feel beautiful without hair and that would be the “social experiment”. Learning to love the hair that grew out of my head at any stage and detaching the value of my beauty from it was not what I thought I was doing that day at 15, but looking back my confidence grew over time from this dissociation. I was just a year and a half early from the boom of natural hair journeys and big chops of that era (yes, if you haven’t noticed I am ahead of my time in a lot of ways lmao) where other women and girls were also expanding their definitions of self-love via their hair and that also made me feel more confident that I can be all of myself around anyone. Hair no longer was a contributing insecurity for me. Recently, I did another dramatic chop, rooted more in an existential crisis, but it also kind of reminded me of the first — how I could still see myself as beautiful without relying on the factors that are called conventionally beautiful. Last, was my body. I had been prone to unhealthy habits rooted in my poor body image for as long as I could remember like restricting meals, unsustainable diets, even at one point abusing drugs (long story) to try to shave off of a few pounds or to try to find the semblance of abs under all my stomach fat. This insecurity was the hardest to shake. Looking at old pictures of myself these days baffles me because when I was trying my hardest to lose weight, I was probably at my skinniest. I didn’t begin redefining my body image until I got to college and needed to find a way to curb the freshman 15. A friend introduced to weightlifting our freshman year and all I can remember is how powerful it made me feel. The simple movements of a squat or a deadlift wasn’t what brought the thrill, it was the amount of weight I could hold in my hands for an extended period of time, the mass I could move that made me feel like if I could do that then I could do anything. Fitness in the form of weightlifting where I was tracking progress with what I could do and not how I looked like really helped me redefine the boundaries of my body. I still struggle with body image every now and again since I’m still very far from a set of well defined abs and too many things jiggle without my permission most times and I think it will always be a work in progress for someone like me who’s intrinsically a perfectionist but the frame shift I have experienced since has empowered me in ways that I never thought would belong to me.

Now back to men. I think it was around this time last year that I started taking a critical look at why I was the way I was where men are concerned. It was at the height of my dad’s battle with cancer and I was ini school failing and riddled with guilt about it. The first real idea of what a relationship would look like for me also came up in my thoughts. A guy , the topic of many stories and a couple of playlists, who I had a lot of respect for but for all intents and purposes didn’t reciprocate that respect in the ways I felt I needed kept coming into my mind at that time. We had a relatively complicated history spanning almost ten years now and it was the kind of connection that I didn’t want to bring with me as powerful as it was. The back and forth took me back to a place where my insecurities were the root of my worth and validation and that was no longer my truth. Some part of me really wanted to believe that we were the kind of people who would always find our way to each other and I held a lot of love for him. But given the place I was an in at the time, I felt like I was on the road to losing some of the most important men in my life and I wanted to do as much that was in my power to curb that by questioning the love l held for all the men in my life. So I sent some letters and one of them was to him. Disclaimer, I was really embarrassed by the letter and even more embarrassed that I sent it to his school email so he had no choice but to read it. But in this letter, I thanked him. I thanked him for seeing me— all of me when I felt like nobody did but also told him that I needed to cut the ties that attached my sense of self to how he saw me and felt about me considering he was one of the first people to admit to seeing me in a romantic context. We were becoming adults, diverging paths and still something in me was holding out for him and I knew I needed to work on letting that go. It took me a week to write that letter and another week and some liquid courage to send it to him. I wrote a couple of other letters, mailed some, kept others. Overall in this exercise, I realized the lack of emotional vulnerability I have always struggled with, the coldness as a defense mechanism that I was comfortable using and the sense of security I felt from the validation of my father and my best male friends all fueled the way I shot myself in the foot when it came to letting new men into my life. Fast forward, my father has passed, this man is back in my life in the context of a healthy friendship and I am working on the final frontier of emotional vulnerability so that whatever the next romantic experience that comes my way, I won’t run from it. I made this with all the men I’ve loved in mind, my daddy, my best friend, the first person I said I love you to and meant it, a person who I’ve recently resigned myself to just get to know as opposed to making advances on and every situation I have yet to encounter where the male half of our species is involved. This is to all the men I’ve loved before, will always love, and hopefully will learn to love. Enjoy it.