#I think it’s terrible I think it’s unnecessary I think America shouldn’t be sticking it’s Money Dick where it shouldn’t belong

[bioswear]

I’ll say it once: I think Israel needs to fuck off, Palestine should be free, America needs to stop sticking its dick where it doesn’t belong

[for-peace-war]

No, really. Lovecraft Country sucks.

These are spoilers, but I also don’t give a shit because it’s a bad show and I hope you skim enough to fucking skip it.  I took a few days to decide if I hated it enough to write this and well, I do. 

I will try my best not to say “X is a bad actor,” but instead stick with the characters as they’re intended save for one particular issue.

The Story

It isn’t very Lovecraftian.  And don’t take this as me saying Lovecraft was some kind of master of his craft.  I think he was an absurd racist that used xenophobia as his guise for what truly horrified the sane mind. That being said, the element of the unknown is definitely the hallmark of his world and that in no way is represented in this show.  It could easily be called “Goosebumps: The Black Version” and it’d be just as authentic--if not more so, really.

The story deals with the Bible (?) and magic that comes from uh, knowing the names of things.  You speak a made up language and then you do some kind of confusing magic that has no real purpose or point.  I sound dismissive of this because I am, to be clear.  They could have just as easily had this language be something whites stole from Africans and then perverted into their own means of power (it’d be a pretty easy parralel to any number of imperialist issues left behind in Africa, huh.)

But anyway, it has a tentacle monster. I think we see a big scary octopus at one point.  But the monsters are often in your face and it’s probably less scary than Stranger Things S1.

Honestly, the characters repeat “autumnal equinox” so much that I felt I was going to have a fucking breakdown.  Just the writing is very empty and no one seems to really care about anyone else on the screen except for in a rare moment between the only two characters that make it far and matter. 

Characters

They aren’t very good.  There are tropes present, which isn’t bad at all, but the way the characters interact, speak, and in general move us through the story feels stilted, often nonsensical, and entirely reliant on the viewer assuming that the latest sentence spoken is the only one that matters.

Atticus “Tic” Freeman

A war criminal that derives his power from the white blood inside of him. Again, dismissive but true.  We see this man struggle to connect pieces to a puzzle and eventually he pays the price for it, but not in the way Lovecraft would have someone pay for endeavoring beyond their realm.  Rather, something about fate and a book. Look, honestly? Who gives a shit.  Tic murders a woman in coldblood and it’s never really touched on.  There’s a lot that could be said about militaries, oppression, etc, but we often see these characters enact violence and then the story skips merrily beyond it.  So yeah, he summarily executes a Korean woman and then is later shown torturing another, but it’s okay because he feels a little bad and fucks the Korean sex demon woman.  More on that later.   I felt nothing for him.  He didn’t have some deep animus over being a torturing war criminal.  He was just kind of moving through scenes and having confusing fights with his girlfriend/baby mama.

Letitia “Leti” Lewis

This is what empowerment shouldn’t look like. It amuses me that the show claimed to subvert some kind of norms when the primary love interest (and ultimate heroine) remains the lightest skinned sister in the room.  She is able to maintain the appeal of the ingenue while at the same time having the understood attractiveness of her complexion. As far as Leti is concerned as a character, she too seems to be a pretty shitty person.  We hear that she has “transactional” friendships and she seems pretty much all about self-survival and rarely if ever puts up where others do.  She’s a heroine in the sense that the story makes her be heroic, but it never addresses how her flaws are ultimately all self-inflicted and unnecessary.  She could just not be a shitty person.

Hippolyta Freeman

Well. Hidden Figures was an excellent film, and I think that’s where Hippolyta came from.  In a more serious series, perhaps she and her daughter could have had a very touching arc that would deal with survival and exceptionalism in a world that maligns you for your very being.  Unfortunately, in reality she just comes off as a character that’s quirky in a world that’s also quirky and she doesn’t get to harness her power. There’s an entire episode dedicated to how she discovers who she is and the result is well, her hair turns blue and she makes robots?  I think the character TYPE is great, but they misused her here in all ways.

George Freeman

Well, well.  If the series had remained about George, Tic, and Leti adventuring through America and encountering sundown towns and monsters both human and otherwise, I think it’d have been okay.  The issue is, they wrote this series by the numbers so George is immediately thrown away.  He’s a wise and circumspect guy that has his own flaws (he has patrarchical notions built around protecting/babying his genius wife, clearly), but the flaws he has are understandable and well reasoned. George dies early on.  Then he sort of doesn’t, I guess? But the fact he did was really the nail in the coffin for this series.  The moment they did that, the rest just became empty strokes.  A story where George witnessed the others dying and going back to his wife and daughter would have had so much more heart to it, but well.  Uncle George is literally one of the few bright spots.

Ruby Baptise

Much like her sister, Leti, Ruby is a terrible attempt at showing empowerent on the one hand, and a masterwork on the other.  The bad first: she’s a rapist.  I’ve been called a nigger before and while it didn’t feel great, I don’t think I’d have been justified in just sodomizing the person that did it.  That entire sequence was weird and they tried to hype it as her reclaiming something, when really it spoke to a disgusting and gratuitous tendency toward Ruby: she’s always too much. Ruby, IMO, should have been Tic’s love interest.  In a sense.  First, because Wunmi Mosaku was a very attractive woman with impressive acting chops (she’s where I’ll break my moratirum, sorry), but also because it wouldn’t be what you’d see in every other show now: light-skinned pretty sister, dark-skinned sexual eikon.  And that’s the issue with Ruby there: she’s always too much.  She’s sexual by existing and that isn’t necessarily to her benefit since Leti, the good one, is an actual virgin before her sudden period sex. So the narrative has already spoken as to how it views sex. Yet, because they tried to give Ruby these strange strokes, she comes out as an interesting character.  She has feelings, aspirations, and dreams that she’s kept from and that’s very real. In a story about the absurd, a sense of realness is a familiar handhold to gather your wits.  She’s all that, really.  It’s why she has the best relationships in the show, which is AGAIN an issue, but well. I’ll say Ruby was never bad to have on screen though I was disgusted with how often her blackess (and Blackness in general!) became the source of grotesque horror.

Christina Braithewaite

This is where I get annoyed.  My issue with Christina is that she should have easily been the most hated character, but they overplayed their hand with not showing how nefarious she was.  In fact? Christina and Ruby’s relationship is the only meaningful, real, and understandable one in the entire series.  I felt no joy during her downfall, because I didn’t really get to see her doing anything bad? Just, consider what the show is.  It’s about Lovecraft’s lore, ostensibly, which treats all non (specific types of) white men like dogs.  So Christina comes at it from the “white” but “woman” perspective and you know, she has moments of duality that you can say is she more white or woman here.  But they don’t execute on how sinister she should be.  She’s a little rude at times? Yet she is the only person to treat Ruby like she should be treated and she’s the only person that seems to have a goal outside of “the quest.” It really bothered me that she came out so well done, because either they needed to have her for two seasons and make her far more nefarious after the first, or to just make her less a force for good.  She saves the characters more than a few times and pays for it by being killed when she’s at her lowest.  Yeah, it’s... a weird take.  

Ji-Ah

What can I say?  There are depictions of sex in the series, and they’re all negative: most of Ji-Ah’s scenes, Montrose’s angry self-loathing sex with his boyfriend, Ruby’s morphic horror scenes.  In the case of most of those, there’s something being said.  Ji-Ah is a monster, literally, that could be seen as Lovecraftian in the sense she’s an exotic Asian woman that kills men that sleep with her.  So, HBO was like��“we’ll blow our tits and ass budget on her,” and she exists for a series of sex scenes and vague, inscrutable... shit, maybe SHE is the most Lovecraft of all the characters! Anyway at some point she joins the party after confusing drama with Leti because they both fucked Tic.  It’s okay though, because Ji-Ah isn’t here for any of that now.  She’s the one who had the best friend that had her teeth yanked out by Tic, and also who was there when he shot her other friend in cold blood, but they get over that and she’s now their friendly red panda pal or some shit.  It’s fucking trash.   Much like the Freemans (sans Tic), I think she’d have done great in another show. But they rushed her story and it felt less Ghost Nation (Westworld) and more Masturbation (Jordan Peele).

Diana Freeman

Confusing.  A stock character (quirky kid that does art, is impetuous, and won’t take no for an answer) that is given a lot of screen time.  When she sort of hijacks an episode when two ragamuffin girls chase her down and infest her or something because racist cops.  Well, the story veers to her direction.  What can I say?  If you like 11 from Stranger Things but wanted her to have Mike’s attitude, well.  Here you go.

Montrose Freeman

He could have been a good character, I guess. He seemed unnecessary and often was there purely for an x-factor of “uh?”  Like, his infamous scene where he slits a two-spirit Native American’s throat after we learn that this indigenous person had just been restored after being raped by bad guys.  So there’s that.  Also I guess he was self-loathing so he beat his son (that may not be his son???) and also liked fucking dudes, which was I think where we were supposed to care about him. It’s like someone saw Omar was a gun-wielding desperado of drug theft and decided, “Well what made him okay is he’s gay!”  But it didn’t add much.  I get he was angsty but other than Tic calling him a “faggot” (one of the few good scenes between them in terms of emotion), it all seemed empty and kind of meandering. At no point does Montrose seem a part of the team.  He just half-mumbles, gets angry, cries, and falls apart.

Captain Seamus Lancaster

He’s barely a character, but I need to include him for another point. He’s the “bad guy.”  I guess?  He uses the bodies of black men to stay alive, which is actually a really smart reference to black bodies fueling the American system, but it comes off as cheesy because it just never comes up.  He’s cartoonishly bad in a way that he’s less sinister than a meme.  Compare him to say,   Ridgeway from Colson Whitehead’s The Underground Railroad. One’s a sinister representation of an oppressive system and the other’s well, a joke.

Racism

How could this not be a theme?  The issue, as was shown with Lancaster, is that it isn’t even remotely handled with seriousness.  The best scene of racism is in the first episode when Tic, George, and Leti are forced to leave a Sundown county before they’re lynched by the racist sheriff.  The anticipation and animosity lead to some serious anxiety and it was a nailbiter.

But after that?  White people say “nigger.”  Then they get, I don’t know, raped or spit on or who knows.  A lot of black people talk back to the cops anyway in the 50′s and that’s cool.

But the real monsters of the series are all black people.  Let’s go through it: 

Tic brutalized women in the Korean War.

Montrose killed the two-spirit person.

Ruby rapes the shop owner.

Diane crushes Christina’s throat.

Ruby literally sheds her flesh in repeatedly gratuitous acts of the grotesque.

Even Ji-Ah, who’s not black, is a monster in the literal sense.  We do see the doctor that experimented on black people, but that’s about 5 minutes at the end of an episode that has a baby’s head on a man’s body so I was too busy laughing at the absurdity to take any real meaning from it.

The truth is, in Lovecraft Country, white people always should do their best to kill or keep black people down.  It definitely doesn’t speak at all to any togetherness or what have you.  Just, well. Magical negroes doing bad stuff because nothing can stop them.

The show misses the chances to show real horror in race.  Hell, the Tulsa Riots are reduced to a backdrop for a confusing book scene.  But then again, Emmett Till becomes a kind of empty reference point that we then see a white woman act out... for some reason? 

Again, the only characters with any chemistry are Ruby and Christina, which is very unfortunate for any number of reasons. As far as a statement that racism is bad goes, I mean. I barely saw it.  If I was a racist I’d be like hell yeah, Lovecraft was right they are dangerous.

Even when people try to indicate the horrors of it like, “Oh, the Korean War scenes are bad because we see how men are forced into the military complex!”  We didn’t see a white officer say “Shoot her, boy,” it was just two black guys killing women with no care at all. And no compeuppance, so that’s cool.

The Music

Sucks.  Thanks Peaky Blinders for making modern music over gif sets a thing.

Conclusion

I sure as hell would never watch it again.  If I can get one other person not to, then maybe it’d be worth it. It’s not a good show.  It’s not “smart,” and there’s no secret subversion in it.  It’s just... bad.

I won’t post on it anymore.  Please, in true Lovecraft fashion, trust me when I say that this show is so bad it cannot be comprehended. 

[doux-amer]

Last but not least, here are my favorite shows that I watched for the first time in 2020 (with one exception)!

BARRY (HBO)

2 SEASONS | 16 EPISODES | 25–35 MIN 

A hit man from the Midwest travels to LA to kill someone and accidentally joins an acting class that makes him question his life.

Dark, absurd, and hilarious. It’s such a good character study. The show isn’t for everyone, but I love it and it made me appreciate Bill Hader as an actor and director (the “Ronny/Lily” episode really showed how skilled Bill Hader is). And you have to watch it for Noho Hank but the other characters are interesting and grow in unexpected ways. You may not like them all the time—you may actually want to throttle some to death while those you found silly may end up worming into your heart—but you get them.

SUCCESSION (HBO) 

2 SEASONS | 20 EPISODES | 55–65 MIN

When the founder of the biggest media/entertainment company in the world decides to step down, his children fight to become the next CEO.

It took a few episodes for me to get hooked, especially because everyone is terrible, but it’s worth sticking it out. The characters are still terrible even then, and you shouldn’t root for any of them—except you do. This is truly one of the best shows out there and while it’s gotten critical claim, it feels like it’s still somewhat under the radar. The second season is one of the best-made seasons of a TV show I’ve seen in recent years, and I want to yell because I only have a few people to yell about it with. Anyway, this is a show about power! Trauma! If you like that, watch it. The dialogue is ridiculous (even ridiculously good) and memorable. SICKEST THEME SONG, HANDS DOWN. 

KINGDOM (NETFLIX) 

2 SEASONS | 6 EPISODES | 45–55 MIN 

In 16th century Korea, a crown prince goes on a suicide mission to investigate a mysterious plague overtaking the kingdom and uncovers a political conspiracy.

 If you want good zombie content, Korea’s the best at it now. Even if you don’t like zombies, I recommend giving Kingdom a try! I was neutral about zombies until Train to Busan changed my mind and now, Kingdom. Kingdom is so unique, and it’s a timely show in that there are so many parallels to present-day politics during the pandemic. The show is a critique on the privileged and those in power, but it also is chock full of engaging action scenes. Some of the acting is over the top, but the writing is strong, the story is engrossing, and it’s most likely going to be the most gorgeous show you watch this year if you haven’t seen it yet. The cinematography is stunning and words can’t express how incredibly sumptuous the sets and wardrobe/hair are. Kingdom is a visual feast!

KILLING EVE (BBC AMERICA/HULU)

3 SEASONS | 24 EPISODES | 41–55 MIN

Two women, a British intelligence investigator and the psychopathic assassin she's after, develop a mutual obsession as they try to capture and evade each other.

Wow, I loved the first and second season (but not the third). This is a riveting, unpredictable cat-and-mouse chase that keeps you at the edge of your seat, and there’s intense chemistry between the actresses. Sandra and Jodie are SO. GOOD. Is it a healthy relationship? No, not really. But Eve and Villanelle understand each other in ways no one else can. Everything falls away so only the two of them exist in the world, which has its consequences. If you like love/hate relationships and enemies-to-reluctant-allies/enemies-to-lovers, this is for you (yes, I’ll say enemies-to-lovers because come on, they pretty much made the interest/affection reciprocal in season three, with the wildly seesawing emotions they had for each other reaching an equilibrium).

SCHITT’S CREEK (NETFLIX)

6 SEASONS | 80 EPISODES | 22 MIN

The formerly wealthy Roses suddenly find themselves broke and forced to move to a motel in a middle-of-nowhere town that they bought as a joke years ago.

I assume that by this point, you all know the show so I won’t get into too many details. This is my one exception to the “new shows only” rule for this post because I had so many feelings about the last season. Schitt's Creek is the rare show that had the perfect ending for all the characters. T_T The character development is just so, so well done. This is my comfort show and the final season made me so happy/sad because I was so satisfied with where all the characters ended up but reluctant to say goodbye to them.

SIGNAL (NETFLIX)

1 SEASON | 16 EPISODES | 65–75 MIN

Communicating via a walkie-talkie that transcends time, a profiler from 2015 and a detective from 1989 work together to solve cold cases.

MY FAVORITE SHOW OF 2020!!!!!!!!!! 💖💖💖💖💖💖💖

I DON’T CARE IF YOU DON’T WATCH KOREAN SHOWS. WATCH THIS ONE. If you know me, you know I’m not big on Korean dramas, but I’m obsessed with Signal. I kept thinking about it when I watched it, and there hasn’t been a day since I finished it that I haven’t thought about the show. Everything about it is so good. I LOVE IT SO MUCH. I LOVE EVERY SINGLE THING ABOUT IT. THE WRITING IS PHENOMENAL. THE STORY IS GRIPPING AND SUSPENSEFUL BUT SO FULL OF EMOTION. THE SOUNDTRACK IS STELLAR. THE ACTING IS, FOR THE MOST PART, REALLY GOOD. THE CHARACTERS. UGH. THE CHARACTERS. The show focuses on platonic relationships, and you care deeply about all of them even if they’re minor—and of course, the relationships between the main trio. No character suffers from or is sidelined by unnecessary romance even if there is a bit of romance in this. I have so many feelings. Please get into this so I have people to talk to about the show because I got into it years after my friends urged me to watch it. :’’’’’) I’m a clown. A clown who loves Signal.

[artificialqueens]

Lipstick and Perfume 2 (Sashea) - North

AN: Hi I’m North, I’m glad you guys enjoyed the first chapter. Thank you for the feedback.

Summary: Lipstick City inspired lesbian AU. Sasha’s husband has been cheating on her, and Shea helps her get even.

Sasha wakes up in a bed that isn’t her own.

“Morning.” A warm voice says from the doorway, and Sasha’s eyes are met with the longest legs she’s ever seen. The woman has long black hair that’s placed behind her shoulders and she’s wearing a baseball tee and pyjama shorts.

Where is she? Sasha looks around the room, taking in the peach walls decorated with framed pictures. She recognizes the stranger in the doorway in the pictures, along with many other people. Some of the photos are of them laughing, and others are serious. It’s strange, in this digital age, for someone to have so many printed pictures.

“You should drink some water.” The vaguely familiar woman says, handing Sasha a glass as she sits up in bed.

“What time is it?” Sasha asks, taking a sip and wincing when the ice hits her sensitive teeth. The pain spikes through to right behind her eyes.

“It’s almost four pm.”

“God!” Sasha gasps.

“Yeah, you were pretty out of it last night.” The woman takes a seat at the foot of the bed where Sasha’s feet don’t quite reach. “Do you remember anything?”

“Vaguely.”

“Wanna enlighten me on ‘vaguely’?” She smiles widely and her white teeth are at slightly different angles in her gums.

“I remember going to the bar, buying a few drinks. I remember a man with horrible breath. And you… helped me throw up in the toilet?”

“Wow, I sure am glad you remember me wiping vomit off your face but not getting you away from that creep.”

Sasha bites her lip. “Sorry…” She can remember flashes of things, and she’s not sure they’re in order. She certainly doesn’t remember going home—or rather being brought here.

“I’m joking, girl.” The woman smiles again, chuckling deeply. “And do you remember my name?” she asks expectantly.

Sasha scrunches her eyebrows together to think. She’s got this. “Sherry?”

“Close!” The girl–Sasha thinks of her as a girl now, without her makeup–laughs out loud. “Shea. Shea Couleé .”

“Right, Shea. Fuck, I’m sorry.”

“It’s ok, I wouldn’t expect you to remember much. How are you feeling?”

“My head hurts like hell.”

“I’m not surprised.” Shea reaches over to the bedside table and hands Sasha her phone. “You’ve got a couple missed calls, but I figured you needed the rest.”

“Fuck.” Sasha says as she views the notifications on the phone. “It was my husband.” She can’t quite bring herself to unlock it. There are two voicemails and three missed calls. That’s more interaction within a single night than she feels they’ve had in weeks.

“Pietr?” Shea asks.

“Ah, I told you about him?”

“Not much.”

“What did I say?”

Shea bites her plump bottom lip, eyes falling away from Sasha’s gaze.

“Please, anything you say will be better than what I think I could have said.”

“You just said something about him ‘fucking his sidepiece’.” Shea says with a pitying smile. “It was hard to understand you through the mumbling.”

“Well I guess that’s pretty bad.” Sasha admits.

“Yeah…”

“I should really go, shouldn’t I? I can’t thank you enough and I’d like to apologize for being such a goddamn mess.” Sasha pulls herself up off the bed, suddenly feeling terribly embarrassed. She’s never been out of control, and it’s as if this stranger knows more about Sasha than she’s ever been willing to admit about herself.

“Hey, it’s ok. We can all be a mess sometime.” Shea says calmly, a contrast to Sasha’s frenetic reaction. “You don’t need to go, I made coffee and you could probably use something to eat now that you’ve slept all day.”

“I don’t want to be more of a burden than I already have been. I’m sorry you had to bring me here.” She feels bad. This girl, Shea, surely has better things to do than watch over her. She shouldn’t have had to take care of Sasha at all. Stupid.

“I was worried about you, to be honest. And it’s no burden, please stay.”

Shea offers her a t-shirt and jeans, which Sasha is grateful to change into. The pants are too big but with a few rolls at the ankle, they’re manageable. Her suit jacket is a wrinkled, stained mess so the white t-shirt is much nicer.

She stares at herself in the mirror trying to piece her memories of yesterday together. She washes the mascara stains from under her eyes, as well as the rest of her smudged makeup. She hasn’t been bare-faced in someone else’s company in years and her hot pink bra is very visible under the translucent fabric covering her chest. This whole situation is so unlike her, drinking to oblivion, ending up in a stranger’s house. It’s reckless, irresponsible.

She steps back into the bedroom and Shea is there with a cup of coffee. Sasha takes it gratefully, noticing a first aid kit on the bedside table. She looks up at Shea and raises an eyebrow.

“Oh I didn’t end up using it.” Shea assures her. “I’ll be honest, I was worried you’d been drugged. I called someone just to make sure you weren’t showing signs of overdose. They told me to let you sleep it off. Do you remember deliberately taking anything?”

A shiver runs through Sasha’s body. “No…”. She may not have been herself, but she knows she wouldn’t have. Had she been that visibly off?

“I’m not trying to scare you, I’m sorry.” Shea interrupts her thoughts.

“No, it’s ok. I should be more careful.” And what if Shea hadn’t been there? How stupid of her, to get into a situation like that.

“C’mon, I made toast.” Shea changes the subject. “That’s about as close to cooking as I can get.”

They settle down in Shea’s kitchen and Sasha finds her stomach rumbling with hunger. She puts butter on her toast and watches Shea slather on a generous layer of butter, followed by a layer of strawberry jam. It’s the kind of decadence that she would have enjoyed as a child, but seems wholly unnecessary now. Can Shea even taste the butter through the sugary sweetness of strawberries?

“You’re an actress, right?” Shea questions.

“Yeah.” Sasha replies, taking a bite of toast.

“I’ll be honest, I didn’t recognize you yesterday, but then your name and face matched up today.” Shea smiles. “Can you tell me, is Sasha Velour your real name?”

“Haha, not the last name. I have a Russian last name but Velour suited me once I came to America to act.” She’d picked it from a movie character of one of the only American films she’d seen as a child.

“You have just the slightest accent, I should have known.”

“I’ve tried so hard to loose it.” Sasha blushes.

“It’s endearing… A bit Dietrich, right?” Shea pauses. Sasha considers bringing up that Marlene Dietrich was German, not Russian, but decides against it. “Do you like it? The movie business?” Shea continues.

“I do.” Sasha says without meeting Shea’s eyes.

“Really?”

“I like the work, I really do. But everything that comes with it, it’s a lot sometimes. I went to school, I was a Fulbright scholar in Russia, but here they treat me like I don’t know anything. I’m just a woman in front of a camera.”

“I can’t imagine what it would be like to be famous.”

“I’m not, even. But there’s pressure to do everything perfectly and obviously, as you’ve seen, I’m far from perfect.” She laughs bitterly. “Life’s not everything it’s cut out to be.” Sasha swirls the spoon in her coffee mug, falling silent.

“I’m sorry about your husband.” Shea finally says. She’s probably sensed Sasha’s sadness.

“I mean, it is what it is, isn’t it? It’s not like we’re soulmates, I’ve always known that.”

“Why did you marry the asshole, anyways?”

“It made sense, socially, at the time. In fact, my agent suggested it. I was very green when I moved from Russia, and the only publicity I was getting were rumours of promiscuity, nothing about my talent. People said I was sleeping with almost everyone in the business.”

“Were you?”

“That’s my secret to keep.” Sasha says in a sultry voice, giving Shea a wink. “But no, I wasn’t. I got jobs here because of films I did back in Russia, not because of my sexual prowess.” Sasha softens her tone as she continues. “Pietr was kind enough, looking to settle, and he was successful, an editor for the New York Times and his parents owned half the city, which was the kind of power I needed on my side. I suppose I was young and naive; everything I dreamt of was about to come true, and I was infatuated with him, if anything. We were fond of each other, and it quelled the rumours.”

“It’s a fucking double standard, isn’t it? He can go fuck any bitch off the street and keep his job but they roped you in with him because of mere rumours?”

Sasha shrugs, but Shea has a point.

“Aren’t you angry?”

“Furious.” Sasha replies honestly.

“Are you? You seem so calm now.”

“I’m angry that he used me, that I let him use me. And maybe it was naive but I thought he loved me, or at least respected me.”

“Then do something about it.” Shea says. “Call him the fuck out! Don’t just let him treat you like that.”

“And what do you suggest I do, Miss Couleé?”

“Get even.”

——-

“Shea, there’s no way I can go out in this!” Sasha exclaims, holding up the leotard to her body. “And if someone recognizes me!”

“Relax… I’m telling you now the people you’ll meet won’t tell a soul if they do.” Shea puts her fingers to her temple and her long black hair comes off her head: a wig. Sasha never would have known. “Everyone will be dressed appropriately, so if you don’t want to stick out, you’ll take the clothes I gave you.”

Sasha retreats back to the bathroom, slipping the tight black garment onto her body. There are matching pvc boots and a blue faux fur jacket to accompany the outfit. She feels like a child putting on adult clothes.

“You look good, I swear.” Shea assures her as Sasha plays with the straps on the bodysuit.

Shea does her makeup, smoking out her eyes and overdrawing her lips with blood red lip liner. Her curly hair is slicked back, stick straight, and Sasha doesn’t recognize the woman in the mirror.

“Wow.” Sasha can’t think of anything else to say.

“You’ve been styled for magazines, this can’t be different.” Shea says, watching Sasha’s reflection.

“This isn’t my brand, I’ve never worn anything like this.”

“Forget about who you’re supposed to be. Be someone else for the evening.”

Shea disappears to change into a tight, low cut pink dress. It has a belt that accentuates her tiny waist. The hair she’s got now is like honey and curls at her shoulders. She looks beautiful.

Once they arrive, the entire club is filled with a cloud of smoke. The music is so loud that the bass echoes in Sasha’s chest, shaking her core. It’s dark, and tall figures sway to the music as a single unit, unrecognizable save for bright neon makeup and accessories that glow in the UV light.

“This is crazy Shea, I can’t believe I agreed to this.”

“I just want you to hear her out.”

Sasha fires off a text to her husband. She can’t have him worrying.

Sorry I forgot to text. Aja asked me to take care of her dog so I stayed at hers. Not sure when I’ll be back.

“Merci chérie.” Shea tells the bartender, taking two drinks in hand. She passes one to Sasha.

“Oh, I don’t know if I should.”

“It’s sprite.” She assures her, with a sad smile. “I wouldn’t want to drink either, for awhile.”

Sasha stands awkwardly, observing the neon madness, and Shea leads her over to a quiet corner with a table and a gentle lamp.

“You speak French?” Sasha changes the subject, not liking the way Shea seems to be able to see right through her.

“Yeah, I learned it when I was little.” Shea says nonchalantly, flipping her curls over her shoulder and sipping her drink. “I’m not just a banjee cunt you know.”

“I can tell you have many sides.” Sasha really takes a look at her. This is the Shea she vaguely remembers from last night, suave, gorgeous, in control, not the girl who woke her up and gave her no name brand ibuprofen this morning. The lamp light hits her skin just right, her cheekbones pop, her glossy lips pout, and the arch of her brow is just bitchy enough to be intriguing.

“You do too.” Shea tells her, with a smooth look.

“Hm?”

“Have more than one side.”

“Do I?” Sasha says doubtfully, taking a sip of her sprite.

“You’re telling me that you’re just a rule follower, a pretty face?”

“I’m an actress, I have to be those things.”

“Not with a brain like yours.”

“You sound like my mother.”

“And what do you think she’d say about all this?”

Sasha goes quiet. She knows her mother would have told her she deserves better, that she shouldn’t waste her potential, her intellect by living like this. “She’d say I’m too smart to be tied to a man like Pietr.”

“I like this woman already.”

“You would have, everyone did.” Sasha says fondly, but with a tinge of hurt.

“She’s dead.” Shea states, and her voice isn’t pitying and shocked like most people Sasha tells; it’s refreshing.

“Yeah, cancer. Almost a year ago now.”

“I get it, girl. Both my dad and my sister died recently too. Cancer.”

“God Shea, I’m sorry.” Sasha feels guilty. She’s barely heard about the other woman’s life, she’s been so preoccupied with her own problems. Losing her mother had been devastating, she can’t imagine losing two family members.

“It’s okay.” Shea says nonchalantly. “I mean, it’s not. It’s really fucking shitty, but I’m okay.”

“Yeah, I think I’m still trying to be.” Sasha says honestly. “I have a lot of regrets.” She falls quiet. Her mother had never met Pietr; she hadn’t been able to come to the wedding. Sasha had been to Russia to visit her only once while she was sick, near the end, but had been pulled away by responsibilities (a husband, a career) too quickly. The only other time she’d been since moving to America was for the funeral.

She falls out of her thoughts, glancing back at Shea as she remembers where they are. The awkwardness between them grows. Sasha finishes her sprite, the straw slurping at the half-melted ice cubes. They’re really just strangers.

“Do you want to dance?” Shea finally asks, breaking the silence.

Sasha’s face must betray her discomfort because Shea is quick to reassure her.

“It’s easy, I promise.”

She leads Sasha by the hand to the edge of the crowd. She feels so small in comparison to all of them. Shea faces her, moving her body gently to the beat of the music. Sasha tries to follow along, but mostly stumbles over her own feet.

“Here.” Shea says, putting her hands out as if asking if she can touch her. Sasha nods, swallowing awkwardly. “It’s all in the hips.” She gently touches Sasha’s waist, moving her side to side. “And bend your knees,” she adds.

Sasha feels like she’s starting to get it. She tries to convince herself that it’s no different than doing a movie. She’s had to pretend to be much more complex characters than a woman at the club. She rolls her shoulders back, letting her hair sway. She lets her body have power, and the anxiety drains away from her movements.

She glances again at the crowd, noticing people dancing closely together, an amalgamation of different and same-gender couples grinding hips as if they are all the same as anyone.

“Who are all these people?” She asks Shea.

“Somebodies who want to be nobodies, and nobodies who want to be somebodies.”

It’s a vague description, but Sasha thinks she understands. Her own identity has disappeared. It’s just her, Shea, and the music. They sway together, Sasha’s heartbeat races. Colours bounce off Shea’s skin as the lights move around them, flashes of pink and blue. Her jacket sleeve slides down to her elbow and she bares her pale shoulder. She’s having fun, lost in exhilaration.

Suddenly, Shea stops. Sasha tenses at the change, the charade falling away again faster than she’d put it on.

“Kim will see you now, Shea.” A woman with legs longer than Shea’s–if that’s even possible–approaches them. “And this is?”

“Naomi, this is Sasha.”

“Pleasure.” Naomi says, giving Sasha a forced smile and a once over. She can feel the woman’s eyes roaming over her body and she self-consciously pulls her coat back up, aware of her exposed cleavage like never before. Can she tell Sasha doesn’t belong here? An interloper in this bustle of beautiful fishnet-tight-clad aliens without a care in the world.

“She looks fun.” Naomi spits off to Shea as she leads them down a set of stairs at the back of the club. Shea shoots her a look and Sasha can’t read the silent conversation the two are having with their eyes.

Naomi pulls open a dark red velvet curtain, raising an eyebrow as Sasha passes her to enter.

Sasha would be lying if she said she didn’t have a moment, upon seeing Kim Chi and her crew, where she thought she was in too deep. For what must be the fifth time that day, she considers leaving.

The woman is larger than life. Big hair, big eyes, big lips. And she’s tall, her presence commands the room. Around her, people in costume, people who appear to Sasha as neither male nor female, but so polished that she can’t help but gasp. They watch her predatorily, as if they might scratch her eyes out if she gets too close.

“What have we got here?” Kim Chi asks Shea, glancing at Sasha but not meeting her eye.

Shea nods at Sasha, encouraging her to speak.

“I’m Sasha.” She tries to keep the bubbling anxiety from her voice.

“Let me guess, you’ve got a lover who’s mistreating you?”

“A cheat.” Shea pipes up. “And maybe more than that.”

Sasha bites her lip, glancing around the room before nodding.

Kim Chi stands from her velvet seat and her posse breathes with her as she moves. She approaches Sasha, circling around her once, agonizingly slow.

“Nothing like a broken heart, right Shea?”

“Quite right,” Shea answers quietly, tersely.

“You let yourself love him, and look what he did.” She addresses Sasha now. Sasha can smell the woman’s perfume she’s standing so close. The scent of geranium flushes her senses; it smells like her grandmother. “Men like that just can’t be trusted.”

Kim places her manicured fingers under Sasha’s chin, bringing her gaze up to meet hers. “How long?”

Sasha scrunches her eyebrow under the scrutiny. How long what? She wants to ask, but is too intimidated.

“How long have you been married?” Shea clarifies for her.

“Three years.” Sasha replies, grateful when Kim finally removes her hand.

“Will you help?” Shea asks, obviously a bit impatient with whatever game Kim is playing.

Kim takes a step back, addressing both of them.

“Make sure his guard is down.” She says coldly. “That’s when you strike.”

[tessatechaitea]

Justice League of America Rebirth #1

Batman's mom made him a coat of many characters.

Of course they always swing first! It's how comic books used to work! The bad guys were always bad. But then modern thought had to intrude and writers had to start asking questions like "But are they really?" and "What caused them to go bad?" and "If the bad guys aren't always bad, are the good guys always good?" and "What if we tear everything down and look at the whole superhero concept in ways that completely break the entire reason for the medium?!"

After watching the women fight for awhile, Batman makes his presence known. You'd think he would have tried to avoid unnecessary violence. You'd think that but his bat-boner would betray him. Black Canary is already referring to Seattle as "her city." Don't you fucking hate recent transplants who go whole hog embracing their new homes? They're as bad as the local news who do ads that are basically handjobs for the egos of local residents. Here in Portland, one station has a promo that's all "Portlanders. We're thinkers and players. We're beer drinkers and wine tasters. We're super awesome at sex and we don't use umbrellas. We are so fucking righteously awesome guys! Watch our news!" Batman explains that his team is a team of mortals and not a team of gods (except for Lobo, of course! Total god, that one). He also points out that Black Canary will be the team's conscience. I don't know how he figures that. I think he just wants to separate Black Canary from Green Arrow because he can. Batman probably hates Oliver Queen for stealing his rich white guy fighting street crime shtick. Next up is Lobo who is hanging out in New Jersey for some reason. Maybe because his secret identity is Jon Bon Jovi!

That's a pretty good description of Lobo.

One of these days, I'm going to write a Shakespearean play about Lobo. It'll totally be easy because he's got that whole "stick to my word" honor thing which can easily turn his life upside-down. Too bad he doesn't have a daughter named after a sexually transmitted disease though. So Killer Frost recruits Black Canary. Black Canary recruits Lobo. That means Lobo gets to recruit The Atom! I bet it involves human gauging!

Darn it. I wanted to see Ryan Choi inside Lobo's penis.

Now Ryan gets to recruit The Ray! I bet those two have a lot of fun together. Ray can turn into a beam of light and Ryan can ride him around! Probably. That sounds theoretically possible based on my high school knowledge of physics (which is mostly the knowledge of how many Gs the Tidal Wave roller coaster at Great America exerts on its passengers). Next on the list is Vixen. You probably already know the list since you've seen the cover and possibly read all of the JLA Rebirth one shots. Vixen is currently hanging out in downtown Manhattan channeling koi. I guess she wants to suffocate? Oh, maybe it's some kind of catfish that produces electricity. I've never had one of those at Popeyes. Batman tells Vixen that there is no team without her. That's a lie or else he'd have recruited her first! If she said no, was he going to fly back to Happy Harbor and call the whole thing off? Now that the recruiting is done, it's time to call the first meeting of the Justice League of America to order!

I love you, Lobo!

Remember when Lobo first appeared in The Omega Men? Batman should have forced Lobo back into his purple and orange costume. I love Lobo in a way that other people don't love Lobo. It's a special kind of love that most people don't understand. I don't care that he was meant to be an indictment of the grim and gritty mass killer characters popular among the moronic and stupid. Lobo, like Rorschach, transcended the authorial criticism inherent in his creation! Also he looks super cool and sexy, wears radical knee pads that don't make any fucking sense, rides a motorbike, looks like he's wearing clown make-up, has a butt-rocker sense of style, and is way into space dolphins. He's the fucking best ever. Batman has a big speech that's basically "Representation matters!" If that's true of this team then Lobo represents me! He's bad-ass and great at math! I know I said I was not able to do math in a Hal Jordan and the Green Lantern Corps commentary but that was a lie. In reality, when I walked into my calculus class as a senior and one of the nerdy kids looked at my cool-ass Lobo look (minus the clown make-up and knee pads), he was all, "What are you doing in this class?" I just lit my cigar and said, "Sit down, ya bastich." After I came back from the principal's office for smoking in class, I totally rocked that math! There's an epilogue page that's not really an epilogue but one of those pages that was basically the entire story in Hal Jordan and the Green Lantern Corps #13 where it's just random images of future events to get fangenders and their crotches all worked up. This one shows Lobo and Ray about to kiss, Destiny talking to Killer Frost, Batman holding Liberty Belle's shield, and Ryan discovering Ray Palmer. Sounds super exciting! The Ranking! Best comic book ever! I mean, not really, but it features Lobo! Twenty stars! All the thumbs up! Fifteen tub girls! Super fantastic!

[ds4design]

12 Phrases That Are Making You Sound Ignorant

How you communicate with others, whether if it’s through speech or written text, influences how others perceive and evaluate you as a professional.

According to Lynn Taylor, a national workplace expert and the author of ‘Tame Your Terrible Office Tyrant: How to Manage Childish Boss Behavior and Thrive in Your Job,’ "Your ability to articulate your thoughts and ideas will have a direct correlation to how well you garner cooperation and persuade others to support your efforts and projects."

"The words you choose also convey your emotional intelligence,” adds Taylor.

Whether you’re communicating with a co-partner, client, team member, investor, or industry influencer, the language that you use has the power to make or break those relationships. So, to ensure that strengthen those relationships, here are 12 phrases to avoid because they make you come across as ignorant.

1. “I’ll have an expresso.”

Want to start your day with a jolt? Order an espresso, and not this non-existent drink. You’ll not only get your morning-caffeine fix, you won’t embarrass yourself in front of your local barista, the other people standing-in-line, and any other members of your party - like that high-profile client you’ve been trying to impress.

Related: 10 Misused Words That Make Smart People Look Stupid

2. “Well, that’s ironic.”

I’m going to go out on a limb and thank Alanis Morrisette for the misuse of irony. For example, if you arrived at a meeting and Jim from accounting is wearing the exact same tie as you, that’s not ironic. It’s a coincidence. If Jim referred you to his dentist, and the dentist has terrible teeth, that’s ironic.

Remember, a coincidence is whenever two unlikely activities share similarities, like breaking your arm before the rock-climbing company retreat. Irony is when there’s some type of reversal of what was expected. Situational irony would then be when an outcome turned out differently than you expected, like that dentist with the bad teeth. Verbal irony is when an individual says one thing but means another, like “It’s my day. I lost my wallet.”

3. “I was kinda, sorta, hoping we could discuss this in-person.”

"Kinda," and it’s twin "sorta," are just shortened versions of the phrases “kind of” and “sort of.” While kinda and sorta could work during a casual conversation with a friend, and even when battling an opponent during scrabble, these slang terms shouldn’t be used in your writing or when speaking to colleagues.

Even if you don’t shorten “kind of” and “sort of,” Steven Kurutz of The New York Times argues that these phrases have “become a verbal tic, a filler phrase” that we use whenever we’re unsure. So, if you’re 100 percent positive when making a statement, just kinda, sorta, avoid these phrases altogether.

Related: 9 Huge Mistakes You Don't Know You Are Making on Social Media

4. “Irregardless…”

I couldn’t help but chuckle during this exchange between Representative Mark Sanford and a constituent;

“Irregardless —” Sanford began, during a debate on pre-existing conditions.

“Irregardless is not a word!” a man cried.

“Regardless,” Sanford amended.

“Thank you!”

Here’s the thing. Irregardless is a word. So, who’s more ignorant? Stanford for making amends? Or, the man who believed that irregardless isn’t a word? Regardless, and the debate surrounding this word is heated, with many frowning upon anyone who uses “irregardless.” And, it’s easy to see why. “Irregardless” is a nonstandard word and does have that whole double-negative thing going against it. Additionally, when this word is uttered, it’s during a dialogue with someone else and not in written text.

To avoid any debates, it’s best to just avoid using this word. But, if you accidentally do, at least you know that it is in fact a real word.

5. “No worries/ No problem.”

These phrases are being used to replace “You’re welcome” or “It’s my pleasure.” While it’s not the end-of-the-word if you say “No problem” or the Australian-version, “No worries,” whenever someone says “Thank you,” it’s a pet peeve among many professionals. In fact, many of them consider these phrases inappropriate.

6. “Actually,...”

When you start a sentence with this word it can come across as if you’re criticizing the other party, you are making an excuse, or you're defensive. For example, if you were asked, “Do you have the slideshow presentation for the meeting tomorrow?” You began to respond with, “Actually... Jess has it.”

Even if you are being polite, adding an “actually” to the beginning of your sentences is unnecessary. If you were asked if you want a cup of coffee you could simply respond with “I would rather have tea.”

Related: The Biggest Judgment Error You Don't Know You're Making

7. “I did what I was suppose to.”

You’re not correctly using the word “suppose” in this phrase. It should be “supposed.” "I did what I was supposed to." Don’t forget to insert the "d" sound whenever you say this phrase. To avoid the confusion, say, "I did what I was asked to do," or "I did what was expected."

8. "I didn't have time to really analyze the agreement, so I just perused it."

Here’s the proper definition of peruse:

Does that sound like an indication you’ve read something quickly or glanced over a document?

Replace peruse with terms like “glimpsed,” “peeked,” “looked,” or “glanced.” So that statement above would now become, "I didn't have time to really analyze the agreement, so I just glanced over it."

9. “i.e.”

It’s easy to misuse “i.e.” and “e.g.”  Both are abbreviations of Latin terms that are similar. But, here’s the difference. I.e. stands for id est and roughly translates into "that is,” while e.g. stands for exempli gratia, which means “for example.”

If you’re confused, think of e.g. as "example given" and i.e. as "in essence."

For instance:

It’s early, and factors beyond anyone’s control (e.g., the euro, Iran) could impact the race. [Washington Post]

In 2005, America had the lowest personal savings rate since 1933. In fact it was outright negative — i.e., consumers spent more money than they made. [Chicago Tribune]

10. “You look tired.”

“Tired people are incredibly unappealing -- they have droopy eyes and messy hair, they have trouble concentrating, and they’re as grouchy as they come,” writes Dr. Travis Bradberry. “Telling someone he looks tired implies all of the above and then some.”

Instead you should ask, “Is everything okay?” According to Bradberry, “Most people ask if someone is tired because they’re intending to be helpful (they want to know if the other person is okay). Instead of assuming someone’s disposition, just ask. This way, he can open up and share. More importantly, he will see you as concerned instead of rude.”

Related: How to Receive a Compliment Without Being Awkward About It

11. “Let’s nip that in the butt.”

The correct phrase here is "nip it in the bud.” It has it’s origins from gardening because whenever you nip something in the bud you’re stopping it before it has the chance to flower. Nipping something in the butt, then, is meaningless - unless you're a dog chasing the mailman.

12. Big words.

No one is questioning your intelligence. But, studies have found that when you use big words you look, well, stupid. Even if you’re using the word correctly, others may think that you’re not as smart of your trying to be. You’re better off sticking with simple words. This will demonstrate that you not only have mastery over the English language, but that you know what you’re talking about because you’re an expert and not just faking it.