#I thought she would be tired and sing something emotionally safe tonight so I guess we'll see how wrong I am!!!!!!!

[we-rule-the-kingdom-inside]

taylor started talking about rage and fury in her lover speech tonight like damn girl, but I fear this means my surprise song guesses will be completely off the mark.

[wydobrien]

what we were before

AUTHOR: @wydobrien | requested tags: @maddie110201

PAIRING/S: stiles stilinski x reader

WORD COUNT: 2,107

AUTHOR’S NOTE: due to all the positive feedback i received from to the dress that never fit, i thought i would write a small prequel to it—something to shed some light on what the relationship was like between the reader insert and stiles, and, the pack as well. it’s a bit darker, but also lighter, than to the dress that never fit. i hope you all enjoy. i feel like i butchered the ending but :). yikes.

WARNING/S: depressing themes.

listen to me.

THREE MONTHS BEFORE THE EVENTS OF TO THE DRESS THAT NEVER FIT.

There is nothing more meaningful someone can say to me than what the blank wall of a ceiling can. And while my eyes stare up into it, patiently resting on the palm of my right hand is my phone—black-screened, unbothered. I’m waiting for a call, or, more likely, a text from my best friend, just like I do every night. Deep down, though, I know I won’t get anything, just like I do every night too. But, still, I wait as my ceiling speaks to me, giving me the strength I need for another night of false hope and exhaustion in the morning.

Sometimes I wonder if thinks of me anymore. My heart still becomes filled from every empty promise he tells me, but my mind, my strength and my body are left to starve from them when they become due. It makes me question, right in the middle of the night when my hope begins to falter and I start to feel that awful sinking feeling in my chest, of how something that isn’t a person can be so cruel to me. The sense that I’ve done something wrong to deserve this becomes present and I’m left wishing I had slept instead of allow what a boy said to me before dismissal keep me awake. And the next day, it’s like he forgot all about it, and I forgive him. I forgive him each and every time.

Every single time.

My mind slips into fantasies—things I believed would’ve happened if I wasn’t the way I am; if I was like the same girl he gushes about to me. And I don’t know whether or not wishing for things that aren’t real helps me feel something in a wake of numbness or just brings me down further. I guess it’s the things that make us hurt are the things that make us feel. The downside of it all is that what I feel isn’t what I want to feel.

Rocking back and forth on my heels, I tuck my lips into my mouth, leg bouncing up and down with anticipation. I’m stuck in the same position almost, standing next to his locker as if I’m a guard protecting it. But when he comes into my view from down the hall, I feel everything in me sink as I also see that he’s not alone.

The way he smiles at her isn’t like anything I’ve ever seen. How he was dying merely a month before, struggling within his own self and debating whether or not the struggle was even worth it, and now he’s beaming like he just realized his purpose of living is remarkable. I have to look away, or else I’m really going to feel more stuck than I already was. I only seem to move when I hear him approach, his laughs following.

“Hey, (y/n), what’re you waiting here for?” I gulp and peer up at him with wide eyes, a red hue falling over my cheeks easily. “Lydia just told me that you were still in the library.” Shaking my head lightly, I tuck some hair behind my ear nervously and grin. My grin has been so unnoticeably empty besides to me and Ms. Morrell that I hardly try to make it seem convincing.

“You said you would come over last night, but, you didn’t.” I watch as his face pales, his hand freezing from putting away his books. “S—So I was just. . . seeing if everything was alright.” Clearly you are, but, is it selfish to hope you aren’t? Why do I try anymore? Why do you continue to treat me as if 11 years of friendship meant nothing to you? What did I do Stiles? What did I d—

He sighs and for a few seconds, he looks down, his lips pressing together into a firm line. “I’m so sorry.” Stiles whispers, meeting my glossy eyes. I see regret laced in them, and I fall right into their trap again. “Things got too out of hand for me. On my drive home, Roscoe broke down in the mud and I had called Scott to take me home, but, he couldn’t make it either. I called Lydia, and she drove me home. From there, I. . .” You forgot about me because all you could think about the girl sitting next to you. “I was so tired after that. She brought me home and I went to bed instantly.” My heart aches, but I nod softly anyways, hearing a sound of relief come from Stiles in response. Stiles hasn’t ever wanted to go to bed immediately. “But I will come tonight, I promise! Eight o’clock sharp, I’ll call you beforehand.” I don’t really respond. Suddenly I feel one of his warm hands clutch onto my forearm. “You can hold me to it, okay (y/n)?” Silence still takes over me, dealing with all the yells of my head and the singing of my heart, until he gives my arm a small shake. “Okay?”

Licking over my lips, I continue to stare into his eyes, feeling my grin somewhat grow. “Okay.” I whisper, and Stiles nods with a smile, letting go of my arm to quickly put away his things and shut his locker hurriedly. It’s then he offers his hand to me, and I take it bashfully as we walk out the school and to his jeep. His clean jeep.

I fight back against tears. Crying makes me feel more pathetic than I know I am, and I know imagining holding his hand than other rarely in the school isn’t going to help keep the tears from spilling. My eyes finally break from the ceiling, and I sit up weakly, pulling my arms onto my lap with my phone screen facing my thigh. That memory from earlier today is still harassing my head, and his words of ‘You can hold me to it’ seem to replay consistently. I even find it myself to look at the time on my phone. 10:03 pm. I’ve never hated such a number.

Frowning sharply, I exhale shakily as I lean my head back onto my wall, my head turning to the right as I try to focus on impossible possibilities instead of what I would rather be doing, what I should be doing, right now. Leaning my head on his shoulder as I listen to him ramble on all his theories he’s already made on the movie we’re watching, his index finger gently rolling circles on my thigh as my own hand curls around his bicep.

How could I be so stupid? After the Nogitsune, I should’ve known we would never be what we were before. Or, in fact, since Freshman year we haven’t been the same. I used to feel so safe with him, able to tell him anything and everything, even when my anxiety made me shaky and panicked he would be there to help me through it. Now I’m lucky if I get a ‘how are you’ from him, or my other friends, anymore. They never question the neutral emotionalness expression on my face rather than the old sweet grin I used to have, they never stop to think that while everyone else has found their peace, I never found mine. I tried multiple times to sacrifice myself to the Nogitsune, I screamed, I plead, over and over again for him to take me instead. The pack was silenced as they watched in horror, but, no one has mentioned that since. As if when I cried hysterically to a thousand year old spirit to take my life instead of the boy who had continued to forget me never even happened in the first place.

Maybe I thought too much about it. I never expect anything in return for my actions, but, sometimes I wish my own friends would look at me and care at what they saw. Because what I saw wasn’t me, but what I had become instead. And no one wanted to change it—no one cared enough to.

Suddenly, my door swings open and the other side of it slams into my wall. I gasp as my phone flings from my hand as my hands when to brace the covers of my bed. My heart stops for a full second until I look up to see who had came barging in. Breathing heavily and clad more in sweat than his own clothes, Stiles continues to struggle to catch his breath. I spring from my bed and go to help him, but he holds a hand up to stop me, slouching to grip onto his knees as I stare down helplessly at him. My heart is beating rapidly, my mind unsure of how to react.

I almost smile as he looks up at me with a dorky grin until he starts to explain himself. “I was with the pack, a—and I almost forgot, but I ran here from Scott’s. My jeep wouldn’t start.” They were having a pack meeting? I look away for a handful of seconds, eyebrows knitting together till I gently reach for his arm, lifting him for him to stand and leading him to my bed. “I knew I was missing something when you weren’t there. Scott said he texted you, like, an hour before I got there.” My phone hasn’t gone off all night.

“Sit down, please.” I whisper, and he shuts his mouth and does as told. I stand before him as he looks up at me with curious eyes, right until I hear my phone buzz next to my bed. I walk stiffly to the phone and see a text notification from Scott. We had a pack meeting. I’m sorry that I forgot to remind you. I shakily sigh and Stiles sharply turns towards me. I set my phone onto my pillow and grab onto my arm. “I’ll go wash my face real quick. Movies are in the bottom drawer.”

My feet quickly pad across my room to lock myself in my bathroom, hurt residing in my brain and my chest. Unknowingly to me, Stiles checks my phone and sees the notification for himself, and the realization comes to him. In fact, I reach my own. My friends are forgetting me. They don’t want anything to do with me other than what I can help with. And by the time I get to the sink, my cheeks are already damp. Instantly I even regret starting to cry at all, embarrassed at the fact that I’m not alone and Stiles will see my blotchy face and reddened eyes. I’m afraid of talking to him about it.

But, for a surprise, when I come out the first thing he does is hug me. I haven’t been hugged in what feels like a crushing amount of time, so, when he does, I don’t know what to do at first. Hesitantly, my hands gently go to his back while his arms are firm around me. The most of our night is not movie-watching, but having to hear Stiles open up to how he feels terrible for lying to me, and him not letting me apologize for myself at all.

And as both his hands reach my arms again, and he looks up at me with such a real expression of empathy and want to do better, I convince him that it was all alright, when I knew that this apology was long overdue.

Even if I still can’t brush off the many nights I’ve had to spend left alone vulnerable and taken advantage of, the weeks I spent isolated from my friends, for now, things feel just a little okay. When it came down to Stiles, at least. As he pulls me for another hug, this time. . . I hug back just as firmly, and I don’t let go.

 — — —

 ONE MONTH LATER.

Clicking my tongue, I excuse Stiles as he gives me a small hug to the side, sputtering out a goodbye as he leaves the store. I toothily grin as he does, shaking my head as my hand latches onto my wrist, walking aimlessly as my eyes search onto the women’s section. I don’t see anything worth my time, right until my eyes land on something in the front of one of the newer collections they have out. It’s a dress, and I admire the pretty color it is as my fingers run over the smooth material, hand then going for the hanger as my eyes drift over to the try-on section.

[defcravings]

idol secrets - Got7 Jaebom

wc: 4k 

genre: suggestive, sexual mentions 

pairing: jb x reader 

synopsis: y/n and JB have been keeping their relationship from the public eye for some time, but at an award show they get caught in a situation that could blow it for them both?

being in love was hard enough, especially when it was a secret. there were moments where you didn't mind it being a secret, it was almost nice that it was just shared between the two of you; other times it got to you. hearing rumours about JB with other idols, edited moments between him and others and vice versa. you'd both kept up this secret for 6 months, and boy was it hard. you and your group RO5EY hadn’t long debuted so you were hesitant about getting a bad rep so early on; hence the secret. you knew some idols were public about their relationship, but the girls had told you that it was best to keep it on the down low for now, especially because got7′s fans were mostly girls; you never wanted to offend them. you knew they were important to JB, so they were important to you. 

you and JB had met after you and the girls had featured on Weekly Idol; where you were all doing boy group dances. low and behold, got7 Lullaby came on, one of your favourite songs of their’s. you were all lucky enough to be allowed your own instagram pages, which is where JB found you. the moment his dm came through, quite frankly your heart fell out your ass. scared you’d offended them. ‘not bad, think I could do Without You, better though’ he wrote. it was enough knowing that he’d seen RO5EY’s debut single, let alone seen you dance to Lullaby. being from rival agencies mean it was a big no no to ever conversing outside of pleasantries at award shows and such; let alone texting. but that almost made it better, no one would ever expect it. a JYP idol that's been debuted for 7 years, and a YG newbie who's been around for less than a year. who would have guessed? 

from that dm you mostly FaceTimed, knowing that going out in public would be hard. luckily he didn’t live in the JYP dorm anymore, so occasionally you could sneak round to his apartment and spend some time with him. but him coming to the dorm you shared with 4 other girls was impossible; they were all cool with it, but if other trainees or press found out, it was game over. so typically you kept it to pleasantries at events, trying not to make too much eye contact, staying as far away from each other as possible. which was hard, believe me. you could both sometimes sneak out of his place at night and walk round or get some street food, but only really late at night, to avoid him being recognised.

it had been a crazy year, releasing your first album, being invited to award shows, shooting your reality YouTube series, life was a dream; but being nominated for ‘Best New Artist’ at Mnet Asian Music Awards was the biggest shock of the year. all the girls were so excited, and you couldn’t have been more proud. preparation for the show began early, rehearsals, costumes, award show outfits, it was a lot. you’d barely had time to see JB, but he’d still wait for you everyday outside YG and walk with you for a while; listening to you talk about rehearsals and how nervous you were. it was moments like this you loved, no one else about, just you two. 

finally the day came around, you didn't care about winning, it was always so exciting to see other performances and meet other groups you'd loved for so long. you'd arrived at the venue, emotionally and physically exhausted from preparing for your performance. there was a nervous buzz in the dressing room as stylists and makeup artists ran around trying to do everything in a very short space of time. you'd been thinking about jb all day, wondering what he was up to, had he arrived yet, how he was feeling. but to be safe, you'd not looked at your phone all day, knowing that if you messaged him; toxic news articles were only a few clicks away. and you didn’t need that kind of pressure today. the other members were chatting about who else was at the show tonight, when you suddenly heard his name. ear pricking to attention you looked up from the makeup chair to the mirror in front of you. seeing them behind you pulling a little smirk. you widened your eyes to hint to them to stop, knowing that if even the makeup artist heard, you and jb are dead meat to the public. they pressed their fingers to their lips with a chuckle, too close. 

finally you were all left alone to rehearse a little before the show, giving you guys a little privacy. ‘so, have you heard from him yet’ Ara said pulling your tired body down to the sofa. ‘I don't know, I’ve not been on my phone today’ you responded, cracking open a bottle of water. ‘what why?’ she responded. ‘too scared I guess’ you said after taking a big sip of water. ‘you don't need to be, everyone has been so supportive, I know hate scares you but Roses are showing more love than others are showing hate. honestly look’ she said handing you your phone with a smile. ‘you unlocked your phone and went straight to twitter, only to be greeted by a flood of love and support from everyone. as if one queue, a message from jb popped up at the top of the screen. 

j: just got here. sitting front row, I'll try to not stare too much. good luck y/n; jb x

a small smile appeared on your lips as you slid down to reply.

y/n: likewise. see u after x

keeping it low key, even in text. with that, a staff member burst into the room taking you all by surprise. ‘right ladies, time to go’ he said then promptly talking into his mic. you gathered yourselves before taking one last look in the mirror. amazing what 2 hours in a makeup chair can do, you thought. the walk down to the stage was always the worst, but somehow knowing jb was in the audience made you feel much better. or worse. it wasn't clear. 

you all made it to the side of the stage, doing a group hug before dispersing to your positions. you loved the song, the routine, the girls, your fans, your life had become a dream. but not being able to share it with jb publicly hurt. more than you thought it would. the music started, hearing the intro in your in-ears. the lights and music complimenting each other perfectly. being the first one to sing you felt the pressure, you set the tone for the performance. bad start, bad performance. as the lights lit up the stage you could see the faces staring back at you, moving to the music that filled the room. you almost didn’t want to see jb, thinking it would make it worse. but as luck would have it, there he was, as promised; front row. the rest of got7 all grooving with the music, reassuring. his gaze was low and sultry, as he did best. his eyes not moving off you the whole time, you'd look away to come back, only to find him still staring. 

as the song picked up and it came towards the dance break, you realised this was the first time jb had ever seen you do this live. and the choreography wasn’t exactly 100% PG, it was a liiiittle sexy one might say. but there was nothing that could be done about it now, you were already doing it. on the floor, running your hand up your tight then your side, you flicked your eyes up to see jb looking absolutely mesmerised by what he was watching. you could see him taking a sharp breath followed by a nod of approval. well done you. the lights dimmed and the audience roared with applause, the relief you felt was unmatched. you'd never get used to that feeling. you looked around to your band mates to see them all beaming from ear to ear, proud as ever. 

back in the dressing room you all made a quick change into your award looks and had your makeup touched up before going back out there. the energy in the room after a performance was something you never wanted to forget. the pride, the relief among a million other things. before long you were all ready to go and take you seats. a member of staff walked in front of you to escort you to the seats. as you kept travelling down the stairs you began to feel worried. they usually sit the more well known artists at the front, in camera view. while the newer and lesser known groups are further up. apparently not. you'd passed all the groups you thought you'd be sat with, giving them a polite wave as they smiled to you. now at the front row of seats the man gestured for you to sit down. front. row. it suddenly dawned on you, jb is front row. you flicked your head round to see where he was, having seen him on stage. you couldn't see him, but you did see Jackson smiling at you, which meant, he wasn’t far away. 

you all took your seats, you on the end. your head looking down, not wanting to lift it up in fear of seeing him. sheepishly, you lifted your gaze towards where you'd seen Jackson; now all of got7 were looking this way. they all gave a small applause and congratulated yourself and the rest of the girls on your performance. you thanked them and smiled, trying to keep it short and sweet. you didn’t look long enough to see jb. 

the outfit you were wearing was kinda short, making sitting down a little uncomfortable. with the knowledge that you were probably in camera view you were very wary of showing too much. tugging the skirt down wasn't helping. suddenly a tall figure loomed over you, quickly placing a blazer over your lap. you looked up to see jb making the same sultry smile at you. ‘better?’ he remarked. you nodded sheepishly, but not breaking eye contact. sheer panic set in, what would people’s reactions be? only to be followed by Jackson, mark, Bambam and Jinyoung doing the same for your other members as to not be suspicious to anyone. they really did care. the other members thanked them and the boys returned to their seats. jb staring for just a few seconds longer. the crowd cooed in approval, hearing whispers of them being ‘such gentlemen’ that of which they were. 

the rest of the show you were casting quick glances over to jb and you could feel him doing the same. never at the same time, obviously. the show nearing a close you all began to feel the nerves.. it wasn’t about winning, everyones love was enough. but you still couldn’t help but want the title, you'd all worked so hard for it. with that thought looming in your mind the host stood on the stage ready to announce the winners of each category. ‘Nominated for Best New Artist’ the words echoing round the room. you almost blacked out for the nominees, just doing an autopilot applause when everyone else did. ‘RO5EY’ you heard, casting a smile towards the camera that was looking directly at the group. then going back to the autopilot clap. ‘And the winner of Best New Artist 2021 is...’ the tension growing around you. ‘RO5EY’ the host said smiling. applause and cheer filled the room as you just sat stunned. what the actual fuck just happened. coerced out of your daze by Ara pulling you up out of your seat, you placed jb’s blazer on the chair as you came back to. the walk up to the stage felt like a blur, but you somehow managed to get up there without falling and breaking something. bowing to the host before he stepped aside for the group to make an acceptance speech. Ara did the honours, without a single complaint as you didn’t think you could string 2 words together at this point. 

looking out into the audience again you saw jb, smiling from ear to ear at you; the most comforting smile. ‘you did it’ he mouthed. knowing there were so many eyes on you at this point, all you could do was cast a small subtle smile. hoping he knew how much you cared. being honest Ara’s speech went in one ear and out the other until she mentioned Roses; snapping you back into reality as they cheered in the audience as you blew kisses to where the noise was coming from. with that, you made your way back to the seats, electrified with what had just happened. 

you all sat through the rest of the awards before all of the groups are invited on stage for the finale. clutching jbs jacket as you walked back up the stairs and stood as groups filled the space around you. the stage had an open top, and it wasn't as warm as it was when you'd performed; the cold breeze wrapping round your bare shoulders and legs. fireworks filled the sky as you all looked up applauding the beautiful lights that loomed above you. the hustle and bustle of artists congratulating each other and dancing around you made you feel less isolated. without warning a hand pulled the jacket out from your grasp and draped it over your shoulders, immediately eliminating the cold feeling and replacing it with a comforting warmth. you shot round to look who it was. jb was stood before you, hands still on your shoulder. panicked, you quickly thanked him, trying to make it look as casual of an interaction as possible. only to see that behind him, other members of got7 were doing the same for your members. wow they really did care enough to help make this look as non suspicious as possible. ‘I'm so proud of you’ jb said, smiling at you. ‘thank you, it feels like a fever dream to be honest’ you chuckled. ‘no, you deserve it. all of this’ he replied, dropping his hand from your shoulder and down your arm that faced the back of the stage so no one could see. then turning back to face the other members, knowing that even this short of an interaction was too long. 

you held out for the rest of the finale without looking his way, thanking other artists and making pleasantries with many; before you were all ushered off the stage and back to your dressing rooms. finally making it back to your dressing room, you realised you'd still got jb’s blazer around your shoulders. you needed to return it before anyone saw you leave with it; it was a good time to do so while all the makeup artists and stylists were gathering their things. blazer in hand you quietly searched the halls for got7′s dressing room. after a few minutes of searching you found it, already hearing a rumble of voices in there. you gently knocked on the door, preparing a story just in case a staff member opened the door. low and behold, and to your relief; Jackson opened the door. shouting you name which spurred on a loud cheer from the rest of the boys as he grabbed your arm and pulled you into the room. the boys all gathered round and engulfed you into some kind of got7 sandwich hug. not unwanted. finally letting you go, you looked over to the sofa to see jb sat there, lovingly gazing at you. ‘ill never get sick of that look’ you thought. his big brown eyes still make you nervous. ‘lets go into the hallway’ he said standing up, wrapping one arm around you waist. warranting an ‘ooo’ from the apparently “grown up” boys. 

closing the door behind him, you were backed up against the wall, his broad frame dangerously close to you. your breathing was sporadic, clearly under pressure here. ‘I just came to give you this back’ you said lifting the hand with his blazer clasped tightly. he looked at the blazer dismissively. ‘do you know how hard this is’ he said, never breaking the gaze. ‘I know’ you said, staring back up at him. ‘seriously, especially when you pull that shit on stage’ he mumbled in a low whisper. you frowned, not knowing what he meant. ‘new dance?’ he retorted, mockingly. you chuckled, realising he meant the dance break that wasn’t very parent friendly. ‘oh I see, yeah that's new’ you smirked. ‘I made a mistake sitting front row, far too close for someone who's trying to keep his hands off you’ he said leaning into your neck. his breath dancing across your now exposed shoulders. his hand following the trail, moving a piece of hair blocking his path before gently grasping your neck. you took a slow inhale, desperately trying to steady your breathing. his warm plush lips meeting the sweet spot of your neck, ruining your finally steady breathing again. ‘this is getting harder to hide’ you whispered with laboured breath. ‘I know, maybe we shouldn't’ he replied, lingering over the place he’d connected. you smiled both at the feeling and at his suggestion. ‘you know we can’t’ you replied running a hand up his chest. ‘we could, might have to quit music forever but we could’ he chuckled into your neck. ‘don't tempt me’ you replied tugging on his belt, pulling him in even closer. hearing footsteps down the hall snapped you both back to reality, quickly putting some distance between the two of you. pushing some hair back over your neck, to conceal any potential mark he'd left. 

a staff member holding a clip board and a bin bag emerged from around the corner, casting a small smile towards to two very awkward looking individuals that you were. ‘thanks for the jacket’ you said, desperately trying to sound casual. ‘no problem and well done tonight. i’ll see you round’ he said, hands in pockets. you watched the staff member make his way towards the next corner, almost out of sight. you spun round to walk away; knowing you'd been far too long. your heels echoing throughout the hallway, nearing the door you came though you turned around, curious is jb was still there. he was, leaning against where you'd just been pinned to, watching you walk away. you smiled before putting your hands on the door to push them apart. ‘it’s getting really hard you know’ he shouted to you, still leaning. ‘I know you are’ you retorted, smiling back at him. he leaned his head back onto the wall, knowing exactly what you meant. 

the relief you felt getting back to the dorm and getting into bed was amazing. the girls all chatted into the night, about what the schedule was for tomorrow, who they saw at the event. until the topic of apartments came up. ‘maybe we should look at getting our own place, for the 5 of us. its getting too cramped in here’ Ara said. the girls all agreed. ‘yeah then y/n can have jb over and wouldn’t have to sneak out every night’ Mina retorted. causing the room to fill with laughter. ‘ha ha very funny’ you mocked, not even looking up. ‘it wouldn’t kill us to look’ Ara said, picking up her phone and heading straight to apartment listings. ‘oh no’ she said, sounding far too serious for your liking. ‘um- don’t freak out. but you were spotted with jb tonight’ she said, clearly waiting for you to freak out. ‘what!?’ you yelled, running over to see what she was seeing. an article on twitter headlined ‘jb seen with rookie YG debut’ a literal nightmare. clicking on the article as 4 other head appeared around you to read at the same time. it wrote about the jacket and him putting it on you on stage, the finally being spotted outside his dressing room after the show. fuck. the comments were mixed, but mostly about you. how jb couldn't have any interest in someone so new. or how he wouldn’t be attracted to you. then the hate, ugly, untalented, ungrateful. separated by the his true fans, the real ahgase; who said they would be happy for him no matter what. and the Roses having your back. 

your heart sank. it was over. there's no way your companies would allow you to be in the same room as each other now. you picked up your phone, seeing you'd already got a message from jb. 

‘don’t panic. I know you are x’ he wrote, how did he see it before us.

 ‘I am, we should have been more careful’ you replied, tears filling up your eyes.

 ‘just let the company handle it, we’ve done nothing wrong’ he said, you could almost hear him saying it. that comforted you.

 ‘okay’ you responded, bluntly. 

‘its going to be okay, I love you’ he said, that was the first time he'd ever said that. 

it didn’t seem right considering your relationship was now in grave jeopardy; but you knew he was willing to risk it all for you. and you felt the same. 

‘I love you too’ you typed back, eyes full of tears now. 

Ara opened her arms for you to lean into, her comforting rub on your back sending your overly tired, stressed body into a deep sleep.

the morning was just a painful reminder of what had happened the night before. now more companies had picked up the story, more fans had heard about it, warranting more views for you to stress about. Yang Hyun-suk had called a meeting with the group upon hearing the news. and to be frank, you were shitting it. 

‘so firstly, congratulations ladies. Best New Artist, you should be very proud of yourselves. But we need to discuss this article.’ he said, now sounding very serious. ‘this is a very competitive world, anyone and everyone are willing to tear you down, for no reason. they will make stuff up, blow things way out of proportion as they have done here’ he continued. the feeling of total fear turned into confusion, does he think its not true? ‘you have to be very careful with who you associate with, especially boy groups. their fans are loyal, and don’t like it when they're seen with other females. you can understand that right’ he said beginning to sound more compassionate. a look of confusion clearly plastered all over your face as Ara steps on your foot to signal you to stop. ‘absolutely’ she responded. ‘you just have to keep interactions shorts, stick to the pleasantries, hello, thank you, goodbye. that's all.’ he continued. you nodded shyly, still trying to grasp what he meant. ‘I’ve worked in this industry for a long time, I know how these articles work. they take one interaction and make it a bigger deal than it is. ill release a statement squashing this, but you all need to be more careful’ he said, sitting back in his chair. ‘we will sir’ Mina chimed in, not giving anyone a chance to say anything. ‘good, don’t worry y/n I'll get this sorted’ he said finally, giving a caring smile, clearly seeing you looked distressed by the matter. Mina elbowing you to stand up and leave, still bewildered by what just happened the girls pulled you into a hug. which was very much so needed. ‘god that was close’ Ara laughed. tears filled your eyes as you bust into tears. ‘oh my god, what's the matter’ Mina said throwing an arm round your shoulder. ‘I thought it was over for us’ you cried, burying your head into her arm. ‘don’t worry! he said he would fix it, now go, I know you want to see him’ Ara said brushing the now wet hair from your face. 

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if you guys would like a part 2 of this please let me know! also my requests are open if you want to have something personal written for you :)

all love x 

[the-in-side]

I kinda realised how vulnerable I was the other day, tonight. 

On Friday after a few drinks, at about 11 at night, I went out to get some air. I was sweaty, but happy enough and carefree. I saw a couple of guys I’ve been friends with for a year or so, and headed over. After greeting them, one (P) quickly made excuses to leave, encouraging and eventually convincing me to stay outside with the other guy (D). I was reluctant. I wanted to be inside with friends, and I was a little on edge as to why P was so desperate for me to be alone with D. It was dark, and there were no streetlights, just a soft glow of the partial moon. The gardens we abandoned, and I made a half-hearted joke about being murdered. 

We walked further into the darkness, a guiding hand on my lower back. A light! I saw the glow of a lightup wristband, and through the tipsy haze, quickly connected that to another human. I wasn’t alone. I steered us over there, irrationally trying to escape being isolated with D, for a reason I couldn’t put my finger on. It just didn’t feel right. There were two girls, enjoying the night and the quiet, and clearly in a fairly intimate conversation. We chatted briefly, then I recognised it wasn’t fair to impose and headed along a bit to where I new there was a little gazebo, but wasn’t too far (probably not more that 200m) from the girls. By the time we reached the shelter, D was looking at me intently. I didn’t feel sober enough to respond rationally to anything he may say or do. I had a kind of sense that he was going to try something - he’d drank about as much as me, maybe a little less since I was on wine and him just cider - and struggled to maintain a distance. I blurted out something about D’s previous crush who was also at the dance, asking if it was awkward between them. He drew away from me - physically, emotionally, idk. Turned out there were no seats in the gazebo, but my feet were aching from my heels. I hopped up on the railing, nearly falling backwards numerous times, but eventually found my balance. D sat beside me, and moved his arm around me back - not touching - but close enough that if I wobbled again he could stop me from falling backwards and cutting my head open on the sharp stone wall behind me. It was a nice gesture, come to think of it, but given that he probably weighs half as much as me it probably wouldn’t have done much except getting us both killed. But still. 

He starts telling me a story about how a friend of his got a girl drunk and high (or maybe she took it herself), then sent D and the girl out, supposedly to sleep together or something. 

--- “Laura??”. It’s my friend’s voice through the night. I’m so excited to hear from her, she means a lot to me, so I yell back, unthinkingly interrupting D’s story. I realise how rude I’e been, given how he said this story was personal, and let him continue. She yells again, louder, but this time I realise it’s not appropriate for me to interrupt and stay quiet. The voice keeps shouting, but I don’t know where it’s coming from. Then light. Blinding in my eyes from a phone torch, I assume. I don’t know if I had my phone on me at that time, but that’s a query I have in hindsight. “There you are!” It’s the whole entourage. All of my friends here. “Are you safe?” they ask. I shrug, I guess I am. The biggest danger to me is my own lacking balance. They crowd into the gazebo. P is there too, with some kind of strangely panicked concern in his eyes (or maybe that’s just the glint of the torch, who can tell?)  which amuses me, given he was the one who urged me to go outside, but also only heightens my feelings of uncertainty and put me more on edge. D is silent, but I don’t know why, I guess he’s mad that his story has been interrupted. “I’m fine,” I tell them, “go and have fun! But tell me when the macarana comes on”, they laugh and leave. 

“Sorry,” I tell him. he continues with the story. Telling me about how he was encouraged to get with her. She was telling him she wanted it. But he didn’t. He put her to bed and left. He didn’t take advantage, he didn’t touch her. Okay. I don’t understand why he’s saying this, but I accept it. Good for him, he’s not a rapist, I guess. I’m quite conscious of the parallels between our situations - I’d definitely be easy to overpower rn. My heels are too high, I’m tired, I’m overemotional and I’m lonely, not to mention somewhat drunk. But still. We talk, and I wobble again. He puts his arm closer to my back now, and his other hand firmly on my thigh as he moves nearer. 

Then there are footsteps running towards us, the macarena is on! It’s time to dance! There’s another voice calling out for ‘Elsbeth’ in the dark, distracting me from the dancing as I tell them I’ve not seen her. I head back to the warmth and light, leaving D talking behind me with P who had told us about the dance. The girls are gone. I pass a member of staff, looking ghostly in the moonlight and compliment her dress. I find out in the next day that she’d thought we were getting it on, which makes me cringe. I miss the end of the macarena, sadly, but catch the Cha-Cha instead. I dance, down the rest of my wine, sing, laugh. I quickly forget about the pressure on my thigh, and encourage D to come and dance. I leave, happy on friendship and freedom. 

The next day I learn about how most people thought we were just getting it on together and left us there. So maybe if I had yelled no one would have heard, or no one would have come. I don’t speak about the hand on my thigh, the arm around my back, the look in his eyes. It doesn’t seem relevant - an alcohol-induced overreaction I tell myself. You’d have been fine, you were safe. It was only D, after all, you’ve known him long enough. We all meet the next day, and I hug D goodbye, along with the others. He squeezes me and it’s nice. Its been so long since I was hugged in a way that felt safe, strong, genuine.

Tonight, I’m curious. I speak to the friend who asked me if I was safe in the gazebo. Why did they come and find me? Why were they calling for me in that way? Why didn’t they ring? She tells me that P admits he sent me off with D. I admit I was uncomfortable even though I hadn’t said that on the night - or even 100% realised it. She tells me they were concerned. He was drunk (so maybe I was better at hiding it than him). He’s bigger than me. When I didn’t yell back to my name the second time, the third time, they were worried. My phone went straight to voicemail. They thought something had happened. I make another half-hearted joke about them thinking D had hurt me - she responds with the serious affirmative, no not of humour in her reply. Then I guess it kind of hits me.  What if the macarena hadn’t come on at that time? What if that hand on my thigh became something more? What would I have done? 

Thinking back now, I am kinda scared. Why didn’t I go back inside? If he’d tried something, then maybe that would have been my fault for going outside with him. I want to be mad at D for touching me, but I can’t. I want to be mad at P for enabling it, but I can’t. I just don’t know what to do. Maybe I’m over-reacting. I can’t blame anyone else. But I do genuinely feel that I was vulnerable in that situation. I wasn’t safe. Whether I know people or not, I need to be more careful who I allow to guide me into secluded darkness. I know it was dumb, but now I’m just a little scared, spooked, for what could have happened, and what might happen.