#I want to do blog stuff more so I'll answer a few filler asks to make it through

[hexavexen]

here lil buddy have these. -gives 3 candied apples- One for you, one for the sad one and one for the angry one! Everything is better with yummy food

They're just in my head and don't eat....but I can. Thanks.

[ruki--mukami]

🧩 Admin Announcement 🧩

First of all, I wanted to touch base on a few matters of importance before writing and posting the Halloween open interaction for today.

For those of you who are new to my blog, as I have met very many wonderful people in the span of just a few days, it is my goal to post at least one open interaction per month, though you might've noticed I've been slacking a bit up until the wedding event which was more of a joint effort than the usual solo operation I run.

The purpose of these open interactions is mostly to have a fun ongoing side plot to the main threads that take place, specifically catered towards whatever seasonal event is going on during that month (i.e., the beach trip in July, and now the Halloween shenanigans in October). You might notice a lot of the open interactions thus far seem a bit out of Ruki's forte, as in they're things he normally wouldn't do, and you'd be right. However, I think it's a nice light-hearted break to have some relationship-building and silly moments too in between the usual angst. Think of it as filler episodes in an anime, except actually entertaining. Personally I really enjoy going outside and visiting new places, going on excursions I rarely ever get to go on, and these open interactions tend to reflect that. Of course, it should be known that participation is not mandatory, and I'll still answer unrelated threads in the meantime.

Is it too much work for someone like me, who most likely has at least 100+ unanswered RP threads right now? Probably. Do I care? Not really, lmao. Although I will put a disclaimer that for this Halloween event, I will probably write less verbosely than I typically do. This is because I'm feeling a bit less in the mood for large starters and replies and more so in the mood for brainless shenanigans to be quite candid. You are more than welcome to write very detailed but just know that my word count this time around might not be up to par. What I lack in imagery and detail, I'd like to make up for in actual content. As in, your muse and Ruki can actually get a lot of fun stuff done together this time (or at least, I hope).

And as always, this is just a reminder that next month's open interaction will be focused around Ruki and your muse cooking a meal together, so look forward to that!

In response to the high volume of asks and threads I have ongoing right now, I'm slowly developing a RP thread tracker for myself but since even that needs to be updated every day, it's still quite far from finished which is why I have decided to take it easy for the Halloween open interaction.

All in all, I think that covers everything I wished to discuss. As always, happy RPing and I hope to get to all the inquires and replies soon.

[daryascurse]

Hey I just want to say, I'm so happy to see you back! I saw your post yesterday about works being discontinued and stuff today about TBSOS. Can I just ask what you are planning on continuing from now? And this isn't meant to make you feel like you owe us to continue working on anything or that I'll unfollow if there's something I was looking forward to, I'm just curious, if you're ok answering (:

hihi no offense taken!! that's a fair question and i'm really super grateful for the interest / that people are still around and want to read my things after completely disappearing! and i also realized after i wrote my "hello world i'm alive" that i phrased some of it super ominously. long story short, i have no intention of dropping fics entirely or erasing everything to restart. but i am kind of "starting clean" in the sense of what i'd promised coming down the pipe before the hiatus. looking at my masterlist, here's a rundown of fic statuses from works i previously left unfinished/ open; putting under a cut bc even as i start this i can tell it's going to be a long post:

Events: I'm not going to continue either my Tropetember or Kinktober series. a few reasons -- primarily that they were intended to be seasonal miniseries, and i DON'T meant to say that you can't write for kinktober if it's not October. but personally, it's very hard for me to break that internal rule of not having met my goals or plan, especially when i kept readjusting my original ideas over and over to be more realistic, and it just didn't work out. if you're curious i have more i could say on those, can even share the various lists of planning, but eh for now.

AOT: Chainsmoking His Love: 100% want to finish this. it's meant to be 20 chapters, as a play off of 20 cigarettes in a box, and i really intended it to fit this pattern once i decided to expand it from a one-shot. but, i should be on #14 now, and i have plans for 18, 19, 20, but.... not ideas to get us there. and idk how many chapters i can get away with as just filler moments, and i worry i've already done too many. so.. that's a frustrating one to be stuck on, but by no means am I giving up.

Quiet Through the Trees: unfortunately, this one is on indefinite hiatus, likely not to be concluded. again, i can say more specifically if you're curious but i'm trying to keep this post from being 1000 lines. i will say that part of that is bc i was inspired / wanted to write it for a moot who dropped out of fandom and that kind of took a lot of my motivaiton with it. (no hate to her i want her to be happy and healthy! just a byproduct.)

Hunger Games: Caveat Emptor is a series with no planned length or even super planned out plot; based on the BOOK Ballad of Songbirds and Snakes - I haven't actually seen the movie yet. but i had a lot of fun writing the first chapter, more fun writing than i have in a really long time, actually, and so.. yeah i'm going to keep with it, even if it isn't exactly the thing for this blog which is mostly anime-related. but i mean, i have passions about other stuff too, so.. why not just put all the writing together? you guys are lucky it isn't tom from succession and that's all i'll say lmaaaaoo.

JJK: Commandment series: while this is probably my longest hiatus work, i 100% plan to finish this. i have 2 fics to go in it and they've been on my mind since 2021 so... fuck it i MUST get them out. but they're foggy ideas that are really daunting when i go to write, and i find i lose my writing stamina/ motivation quickly. but they're not dead.

Unholy Land: while I've said i'm kind of leaving it open and i'd come back to do more, especially as jjk progresses, i'm finding it hard to do so. this was my first big piece on my old account and it was when i was most concerned with being a canon-compliant fic writer. as jjk lore continues, i'm not confident in its continued accuracy from the original 2020 publication. i have possible ideas of where to go from how i'd left off, but.. i have a complex relationship with jjk now and i'd kind of like to see how gege keeps things moving before i make a decision on that.

i think that's all of what was up in the air in October... again, feel free to ask more specific questions, or lmk if i missed anything / there's anything else you're curious about. thank you SO, so, so much for asking and caring about my fics <33333

[alo-piss-trancy]

Ok hi, I didn't wanna say anything, but please don't write knifeplay/bloodplay for Yuri. I def don't wanna spoil anything, but it's learned on a certain route that Yuri has a s*lf h*rm problem (I'll leave it at that).

You honestly seem like you're not trying to be a jerk with this ask, so I'm going to do my best to answer this as politely as possible without compromising my personal beliefs on the matter. This is going to be long and a little serious, but please note I'm not attacking you or trying to start a debate. I'm just laying all my thoughts on this down at once so I make myself clear, because a short answer would leave a lot of nuance out.

I understand what you're trying to do here. For the record though, I also considered that a pretty massive spoiler and I did not appreciate that at all. Even if you all think you're 'helping', don't do that again. Y/uri was pretty much the only character I'd managed to avoid most spoilers on and you killed the surprise for me. This game is already so full of fluffy 'filler' in the beginning that I don't have a ton of big plot points to look forward to in each route.

Now, I realise this is a very delicate topic and incredibly triggering to some people, especially with those two things combined. I am 100% willing to tag it with just about any variation needed to ensure you or others affected can blacklist/block it and never have to see a word of it in the future. I'd also be happy to go back and tag that original text post I made if needed. I mean that. You all are welcome to ask me to tag things anytime, and so long as you're polite about it I'm perfectly willing to oblige to the best of my ability in future posts! If I occasionally forget, just toss me a light reminder and I'll jump into editing and add it in.

That said, I want to make it clear that I am very firmly against censorship. I'm willing to take all necessary precautions to ensure people can curate their experiences on this blog and AO3, but at the end of the day I can still post whatever fictional stuff I choose to. As can anyone else. Same goes for more formally published media.

Now, it's entirely possible I would have gotten to that part of the game and decided 'oh dang, I'm not so enthused about that fic idea anymore...'. My whims and ideas change frequently, and what you mentioned is a heavy topic with a lot to unpack and process. It's also entirely possible that future plot would only provide more fuel.

Fyi, when I originally mentioned the knifeplay I was actually thinking a lot more along the lines of her doing it to the protagonist, not the reverse. But for the record, if I did choose to write it with focus on Y/uri, I would still be well within my rights to.

This next part of my answer is going to address some heavy topics, this is your warning!!!

Sometimes people's kinks are a way to take a thing that is personally scary or upsetting to them and find a way to reverse it. To find pleasure or power or get used to the idea of the awful thing in a safe, controlled fashion. I'm not going to go into the full details on this because there's plenty of explanation and research elsewhere already written up, as well as an excellent book on the subject, and I'm not turning this blog into a discourse debate. But I needed to mention it for my point.

There are plenty of stories that could be explored with Y/uri in this context. Did she have this kink before the self harm events started and it was completely unrelated, or did she develop it afterwards? How did she discover it beforehand? If developed afterwards, did it start out as another way of harming mixed with pleasure in a self-destructive way, often done sloppily and without proper technique? Or was it strictly used as almost exposure therapy to deal with those urges and thoughts in a safer, more contained scenario, maybe even allowing the partner she trusted to wield the knife to prove their bond/reinforce that she can be loved without being hurt deeply, that she is worthy of affection and trust and loyalty. Maybe this finally helps give Y/uri a tool to embrace her 'weirdness' without harming herself and others. Or, what if she thinks it can be a useful tool and is sure she's ready, but partway through the scene she gets triggered or has flashbacks... how does she deal with it? How does her partner? Can it be overcome with effort, research, and taking things slowly, or does she realize this kink is actually completely off the table for her?

What if she has this kink and is excited to try it, but her partner isn't? How does she take that rejection? Or do her poor social skills mean she skipped negotiation to begin with and attempted it in the middle of a vanilla session? Would her partner freak out or even get mad, or try to swallow their fear and let her do it so they don't hurt/offend her, even at the cost of their own comfort?

This topic also opens a ton of potential plots for darkfic, but I'll refrain from discussing that out of respect for you and others.

So as you can see, there's much more to explore than 'Knife=Hot'. I believe those discussions and ideas are necessary and provide important fuel for thought when explored fictionally, especially since mainstream media doesn't cover a lot of them.

~~~

I feel I should take a second to clarify knifeplay for those who may be unaware. It doesn't always equate to actual cutting/drawing blood. That can be an aspect, but usually only by those far more experienced and, you know, actually into that. A lot of participants don't actually go that far. Mostly, it's either about the physical sensation of the knife touching you at all, or the adrenaline/controlled fear and intimate trust of a partner bringing an object like that so close/teasing you with it.

In fact, it's frequently advised in those circles (especially to newcomers) to use a dull butterknife instead, because it simulates the same feelings of metal on skin/can dig in a little without any real risk of cutting/drawing blood. Even if one chooses to use a different knife, it's still pretty common to dull the blade, or some people even substitute with a closed pair of scissors (combined with the partner blindfolded, you can't really tell it apart from the real thing).

These versions of knifeplay are well controlled and ultimately pretty harmless, so long as both parties know what they're doing and stay alert. And more experienced players with sharper knives are even more cautious/have studied extensively to know where/how deep to go without risking scarring/serious injury.

Remember the golden rules of kink: Safe. Sane. Consensual.

With those in place, it is not nearly the same as self harm. Just as controlled, consensual, well-negotiated BDSM with safewords, respected boundaries and a trusted partner is never in the same league as abuse.

~~~

Now that that's out of the way, back to my point:

There's no perfect representation or narrative for everyone, in any group (be that gender/sexuality/triggered by certain things, etc). Every human being is different, everyone interprets media differently, and everyone takes away different elements from stories.

What one person in a particular group may find cathartic, relateable, or painful but necessary food for thought, another may find completely repulsive, personally hurtful, offensive, something they can't stand to hear. And guess what? Both of those can be true at the same time. One side is not immediately right over the other.

There are queer characters or interpretations of them in fics that I vehemently despise, might even find hurtful or sickening and think 'how can anyone create this, it's insufferable! People in 'my group' aren't like that, it's a horrible representation. I can't relate to it at all!' But you know what? Other people can and do, may find comfort in those exact narratives and experiences, may heal their pain instead of inflicting more. And that's great. It's what they needed or wanted and if I don't like it, I click away and do my best to avoid it.

There are specific tropes and narrative themes I personally cannot get through without being triggered into anxiety attacks or dragged back to bad times and places in my life. Sometimes I see them tackled in ways that are hurtful or seem insensitive to me. But I recognise that for someone else, it's exactly what they needed to see to get through that or come to terms with it, or see a way they wish that thing could play out. I would never dream of telling those people they aren't allowed to enjoy it, OR telling the creator of that piece of media or a tv show 'Hey ummm please don't use this plot because it turns me into a human wreck for a week'. Because it's not remotely my place to do so. They can create whatever they want, they have no responsibility towards me or my well being. A few might be kind enough to include a warning at the beginning of that episode or in the description, but they are in no way required to. It's up to me to curate my experience and try to keep my guard up/research what might have those tropes, and in the rare occasions I get blindsided, yeah, it hurts like hell. I struggle, I might even backslide a bit. But I just have to try my best to deal with it and make a note to be more careful next time. Because you can't control the world around you, not even the online world, and you have absolutely no right to. The only right you have is to protect yourself without infringing on other people's boundaries/rights.

And there's also another important point. There doesn't have to be a big important point or explanation for why a creator creates something, or why consumers can enjoy that creation! If someone wants to create a plotline with all of my triggers used in the most 'insensitive', 'wrong', pointless ways possible, strictly for Entertainment or pure kink material instead of some deep dissection of the issues involved? They can go hog wild!!! They are 100% allowed to do so on this earth, and I can't (and wouldn't want to) do a thing to stop them.

One person can read a kink fic and it hits a very emotional theme for them/they think it explores a deep topic well. Another person can read that same fic and get nothing out of it except their rocks off. Both of those readers are completely equal and 'allowed' to enjoy that fic. Both reasons are completely valid reasons for why the creator was 'allowed' to post/create that fic in the first place. Nobody needs permission, nobody has to answer to anybody except themselves. Period. This extends to any topic, any type of fic.

Yes, even for things I find absolutely abhorrent and insensitive and don't understand/want to read ever. I may resent everything about its existence, but I will defend to death the creator's right to make it exist in the first place.

It only affects me if I let it affect me. If someone's making content I despise or am upset by and can't handle, I can choose to ignore or avoid them, blacklist those tags, I can block them and move on with my day. I can do anything within my own bubble, but the second I consider going into their bubble and saying they can't make that thing, I am in the wrong. Because I'm not respecting their space and rights.

If someone makes cookies with ingredients I'm highly allergic to, pastes the ingredient warnings all over the box where I read them, and I still eat one, would anyone cheer me on for blaming them when I have a reaction? Would anyone think it was remotely okay of me to start calling up every bakery in town and saying they weren't allowed to bake those cookies EVER, because some people somewhere might be allergic?

No. They'd tell me I was crossing the line, because I'm infringing on other people's boundaries and lives. I'm expecting everybody else to take responsibility for something that, while horrible and painful, was my fault for touching.

Now, if someone sets out unlabelled cookies not realizing I'm allergic to something in them, and I eat it and have a reaction, that sucks. It's an awful experience. But is it the baker's fault? As long as they didn't do it maliciously, not really. They can be advised politely to label it in the future, and I can do my best to remember to ask/be more cautious next time I come across something I'm unsure of, but they're still allowed to bake those cookies for themselves and others.

Now, if I deliberately baked cookies with an ingredient that people are very frequently allergic to (ex. peanuts) and set it out in a crowded buffet without a warning label, that's a jerk move. That's intentionally trying to cause harm to others. But simply baking that flavour of cookies still isn't a crime or harmful by itself.

~~~

I'll be honest, I'm running out of steam and I think I've said most of what I have to say, so I'll wrap it up. I want to reiterate that I'm not ripping into you with this long answer, anon! I understand why you sent me what you did and I'm trying not to come off as harsh. I'm happy to go back and tag things and will tag anything else similar in the future!!! But at the end of the day, regardless of whether I personally end up writing that fic or not, or even want to after I get to that plot, I don't agree with telling anyone they can't/shouldn't write it at all. I wanted to try and explain my viewpoint thoroughly, and I hope you can respect that, just as I'll respect and try to accommodate you and other followers. This is the only time I'll really get up on a soapbox like this, and I have no interest in debating these things on my blog further, but it is a topic I've been passionate about all my life so I'm afraid I'm not budging on it.