#I was given an estimate of 4 weeks to allow for full/internal healing though so it’s the right track | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

yellowisthehappiestcolor · 5 years

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7/16/19

I always make these grand plans of fitness and create schedules for myself to, in theory, follow with X amount of cardio per week and X amount of toning. or I tell myself I will train for a running race like a half marathon starting tomorrow. however, something interesting happened when I just let go a bit more than I ever have in the recent past, listened to my body (hunger signals-wise) and was a bit more gentle with myself: my body responded in exactly the way I've been wanting it to aka I lost weight. a whole dress size, too! so it’s close to -10 pounds.

it seems as though instead of pushing and pulling and prying my body in hopes of turning it into something it currently is not, when I walk hand-in-hand, proverbially, and gentle guide it, my body responds.

I really thought while being away that, after giving up the effort of going all the way to the park to run about 3 times per week and instead just focusing all of my efforts on toning work at home, I would simply maintain my weight and get back to losing weight once I got home. however, VERY interestingly, I ended up losing MORE weight than before and genuinely could judge my hunger levels way better than I ever EVER remember being able to read them past childhood. I wasn’t TERRIBLY worried about food (of course, naturally, at times I was because perfectionism and food obsession is quite hard wired into my brain still but we are working on that) and I gave myself the mental freedom to a) try any foods I wanted to and b) eat when I'm hungry and stop when I'm full. I ended up actually not eating my whole plate of food a few times (not every time, of course, because sometimes I was actually hungry for it all) and trying new foods like shrimp and calamari and eating a lot of bread along the way lol. & I did all of this while running on VERY little sleep most days so “eating out of hunger” wasn’t really a thing after all!

my body got more toned and my waist and hip measurements certainly went down where I needed to buy new BOTTOMS (skirts and shorts) before I left. THAT was equally interesting to me. never have I ever (post 13 years old) fully relinquished intense cardio at least twice a week without intense calorie counting to starvation. but in this case, I accepted gentle daily cardio (simply just walking everywhere that I could) that would supplement my daily 45 minute toning workouts on my bedroom floor. the fact that in 6 weeks (arguably even less because for the first 2-3 weeks, I was still trying to maintain a cardio routine) I was able to lose ~10 pounds (estimated because of the dress size loss) and go from a size 8 to a size 6 in dresses says a LOT. I was truly entirely listening to my body better than I EVER have before in my memory of life. my body guided me in a lot of ways and even started to crave the pilates-based workouts (but never intensely craved cardio, perhaps because it was so hot outside). just thinking about it still ASTOUNDS me so forgive me if I keep repeating myself: my body responded the best and gave me results I have been chasing after when I was more gentle with myself. i’d even order/eat WHAT I wanted when I wanted it (at regularly scheduled/accepted meal time of course); if I wanted a sandwich and not a salad, I ate that & if I wanted açaí and not a sandwich, I ate that. I stopped eating just at the brink of fullness and it left me feeling a lot better and always fully ready to eat and enjoy the next meal slowly when the time would roll around.

it’s weird cause I wasn’t trying to plan out exactly what I should eat and exactly when I should (meal timing, something I had always been “taught” one should do for weight loss and maintenance. it’s robotic and simply not natural!). I also was eating foods that I was “taught” weren’t good for any weight loss or maintenance (bread, cheese, etc.). I wasn’t eating “small meals” or any snacks really, except for some fruit between lunch & dinner sometimes which is something I was always “taught” to do to avoid immense hunger at main meals. but the concept is so silly, really, when you think about it and I learned I’d much rather ENJOY a full regular meal at a regular meal time than to be semi-full/satisfied still but throw more food into my mouth not entirely enjoying it because I'm still kinda full.

it seems to me that I ought to continue this way of behavior/life because it’s proven to be so effective and still enjoyable for me. it’s given me results I wanted without intense mental stress or physical stress/exertion. it’s simply listening to my body and my intuition that can expand into other areas of my life besides just food and exercise. listening to my own internal innate wisdom serves me well as it serves anyone well and I'm intrigued to continue living this way. I can’t believe how far disconnected I was from myself like most other people - and believe me, I still likely have a long ways to go before I feel fully connected and in tune with myself but I've made progress knock on wood :) since being home I reverted back to the American way of life and me but am slowly incorporating and accepting intuition back into my life, especially today - knock on wood. I just needed those 6 weeks to step away from what I knew and push myself into either accepting my intuition or continuing on the same cycle I already was on. not to be all numbers based again (I swear this will be the last time I mention this) but since I lost a dress size/~10 pounds in 6 weeks, with the next 7 weeks of summer, I could realistically do the same so long as I continue to listen to my body and allow her to naturally heal herself and shrink herself back to my natural size and shape (I'm telling you, naturally my body is quite small when its healthy physically and mentally). so that’d be a size 4 (around 140 lbs) by the time summer is over BUT I am not focusing on that like I did NOT focus on that during my 6 weeks abroad and solely focus on, day-by-day, listening to my body.

my body responded on its on time in a way that I wanted it to when I let go.

#diary

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