#I was on a con this weekend and well... I couldn't bring myself to buy him for the same price I bout Emma AND Ray (!!!)

[officersnickers]

anyone got any online shop recommendations? 😥 (preferable european)

[yuyevon]

rambling abt a major step I took to heal a part of me I didn't know needed fixing// posting more for myself to document and look back on because I'm obsessed with the way my eyes just opened up and how much better I already feel

so otakon last week was a major bust for me for a few ones but most predominantly an insecurity/trauma(?) (I don't like to use the word lightly) took over starting Friday which made me a little crabby and largely on Saturday where I spent the entire day shutting down, dissociating, and isolating despite being at a convention I'd been looking forward to all year in the costume I worked the hardest on. I spent the day separated from my boyfriend so that I could roam around the con in a bad mood by myself for 3-4 hours.

it wasn't his fault and not his problem to fix, but some of the small talk we had and (this is really stupid/irrational and I KNOW it let me get through it) an anime figure he wanted to buy was really stressing me out and hitting a sore spot I didn't know was there. I was trying desperately to pull myself out of it but a ton of problems from the weekend were compounding into a shutdown I couldn't control. eventually I told him part of what was on my mind Sunday evening after the con ended and I cried over quite a few things. didn't tell him everything though, which continued to stress me out until last night.

yesterday I talked to my good friend about all of it (she was at otakon too and I only told her a little bit about at the time) and I got the validation and courage I needed to bring it up to my boyfriend. obviously I don't want to mention specifics because this is still the internet and I don't want to completely expose myself on here, besides this post is for me to look back on later. if you know me then you know it's related to how my ex decided to leave me and my issues with sex. but I talked to him about this problem for the first time in the 8 months we've been dating. the burden weighing me down that I didn't want to bring up ever because even I thought it was so stupid and irrational. and for the first time I feel like I'm not hiding anything anymore from him, and it's probably the most vulnerable and transparent I've been to both him and my previous partner.

the big thing is that it's off my chest and just saying it out loud for the first time ever crumbled the wall barely enough for me to wedge my fingers through and begin to break it down and heal. admitting it to myself was the first step. having thay breakdown at otakon was unfortunate, but for me, required, because it forced me to open my eyes and realize hello! this IS a fucking problem to me and it's NOT just going away because I don't want to acknowledge it!

and he, of course, took it well and acknowledged me and I felt like he really did understand me and what I was saying. and he has his own share of problems so he understands that /I/ know its irrational, but my brain wants to push it to the front and make it a big deal because he's the same way with other things. but I felt truly seen and heard and understood and we came up with solutions and ways that he can support me while I work through it WITHOUT me feeling like I'm trying to change who he is and control what he does. because to me that's not healing, that's causing more problems and hiding from it.

he reassured me that I'm not stupid for feeling like that and he knows where it's coming from and why I feel that way, and I also had to say one hundred million times that I'm not trying to change him, it's my problem and not his to fix, though the only way I can do that is to make him aware of what sets me off and ways he/we both can make little changes (like with wording, mindfulness, etc) to support me through it. it just means a lot to me that we're at this stage where we've both been broken but we feel safe with each other to bring things up and talk about it. I never had this before

but for future me, I hope you have your shit together 😂 I hope you've learned how to work through your body issues, your sex issues, your insecurities, your reactions to people and your boyfriend. I hope you're comfortable and still happy with him, and I hope if he has wronged you, you've tried to work through it. I hope you haven't hurt him, either, because you know you're also a bitch. i hope you still talk to your friends, and you hang out with them as much as you can. really, future me, I just want you to be happy, and I'm doing everything I can to make it happen

[shespeaksinsongs]

First of all, I love this!!! So angsty right at the beginning, I would be hooked!!

Okay, do it whenever you're ready love<33 ik you'll do an awesome celebration whenever you decide to do it!!

Well oops :/ hopefully she won't talk about it again..God it would've been so weird no?

I mean I'm working on my sc and getting better..so that's a plus:) eiypo ik..okay so this really helped..I forgot i can manifest her being better..ik I already have my desires..i shouldn't let someone else define my life. Thank you Fio..You helped <3

Oh I haven't..I'm on a book buying ban rn..I'll buy it next month. Plus I keep buying new ones without reading the ones I already own. So 😭✋🏽 Yes Law of Assumption is much better..The law of attraction thing said something about raising my vibrations? Like what's that supposed to mean? I can't bring myself to read that book. So I'm just gonna read something else for now.

Okay this week I decided I'm gonna learn something new everyday. So I've been learning about stock market, investing, NFTs etc. I think ik the basics I'm gonna learn more. I really wanna start investing. So yeah. Apart from like a few bad convos with "the aunt" it's been a good week. I can't wait to just eat and sleep this weekend..

how have you been, love? :)) I missed you

Also, if you decide you don't wanna be active on here in the future just lemme know..I've been thinking about just sending you a message..we can still be in touch if we're not active on here..if you want, that is..and I would love to read your book..so just lemme know,and I'll send a message.

-👽

i'm glad you think it's angsty bc i always wonder if i write my angsts well, since i hate reading them sm.

i think i have an idea... i tried to answer this privately, but i couldn't bc it's anon. figures. so ig i'll say it publicly - i'm thinking of maybe doing like a house celebration? kind of making it like mtv cribs? like, "step into my office," "the grand suite," "welcome to the butler's room," etc. i'm not entirely sure how it'd work, but i'm planning on doing it after i'm rid of all my celebration asks, which will hopefully be soon!!! i love having so many asks, but oh my god, sometimes i look at them and feel like banging my head on a wall.

i'm still not used to the fact that i control the world, and sometimes, i forget that manifesting is a thing, too. it's not just a you thing. it's kind of like, our brain doesn't want to admit that it could be easier. even though we know it can be. it's a struggle many manifestors have!

i buy so many books and end up reading so little of them. i feel you. raising your vibrations just means doing things that make you happier. the higher your vibe, thee happier you are. but i just don't agree that you need a high vibe to attract high vibe things. so many depressed people are rich, and vice versa. how do you explain that with law of attraction?

how did it go with learning about investing? i've been meaning to invest for a while but i'm so lazy. and how is your weekend going btw? nft's seem really interesting, but i need to see the cons of them first before i can really get into them!

i have been okay, my love. just a little excited for the school year to be over.

i'm not deactivating soon! if i do, i'll let you know, so we can exchange information and i can still talk to you! you're always welcome to come off anon, but i'll always see you the same way, and i'll respect whatever you want to do!! <33

i love you xx

[raleighliving]

Raleigh Hangouts: Cameron Village/Village District

So last time I wrote something like this I talked about the upscale, pricey North Hills community and the pros/cons associated with it. I chose North Hills because, while it's not really representative of the Raleigh experience, it seemed like a region that would appeal to out of towners and people looking for a more urban experience.

The culture designed to cater towards executives on business trips and socialites, while appreciable, it isn't wholly representative of the Raleigh experience however. It's a shiny gemstone set against lower-middle class neighborhoods and a highway exit; a glass diamond set on a gold band.

So I wanted to talk about somewhere a bit more representative of Raleigh as an experience. A place with a variety of options for dining, shopping, and relaxing which doesn't put on any airs collectively; but allows individual stores to be as extra and overpriced as capitalist consumerism will allow them to be.

Of course, the obvious answer would be Downtown Raleigh. You don't get much more Raleigh than the heart of the city itself, and it's full of fun and interesting things to look at....but I hate driving around down there and COVID precautions around there have been hit-or-miss depending on where you go.

So today we're looking Downtown adjacent at the Village District (formerly Cameron Village)!

Just outside of Downtown Raleigh and adjacent to NC State University, Village District is a small shopping district that caters to the local population and the nearby college students.

A collection of small stores, restaurants, boutiques, and facilities which is representative of Raleigh in that there's something for everyone to enjoy if you look hard enough or turn the right corner.

Got a hot date? Take em' to one of the many upscale eateries, walk around the block and take in the sights, and finish with some frozen custard at Goodberry's. Need a haircut? A good book to read? How about some Yoga, or an affordable dry cleaners? Village District has it all.

Affordable housing and apartments sit opposite luxury apartments that tower over the district and charge $1200 for a studio apartment. Affordable fast food options are as easy to find here as fine dining that charges $25 a plate; and clean, decorated streets make exploring the area easy and enjoyable.

If you need to reach Downtown Raleigh or NC State University, it's only a few minutes walking to reach either; or you can rent a motorized scooter/bike for a bit if you're not inclined towards physical exercise (like myself).

It doesn't hold everything you could ever want, but it's got enough to satisfy most wants and desires comfortably within a small radius.

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If you're visiting Raleigh, I'd recommend visiting Tin Roof Teas especially; a small, locally owned tea store that's host to a huge selection of loose leaf teas and tea accessories.

If you or someone that you love enjoys a good cup of tea, but the selection where you're at is whatever's available at the grocery store, then Tin Roof has a grand selection of domestic and foreign tea leaves that can satisfy even the pickiest tea fanatic.

Walking in, you'll be greeted by the mingling scents of dried flowers and it's an experience I'd recommend even if you're not there to explicitly buy anything. Overwhelmed by choice paralysis? They'll brew you a cup of any available tea for a small fee so you can get an idea of what you're looking at.

If you're a Raleigh native, you can also swing by Village District for a selection of boutiques that cater to interior designers and art fans of all sorts. Scrap metal sculptures, paintings, home décor, etc. are all findable.

If you want an eye grabbing piece, you can even check out a gallery like the LaMantia Gallery for high quality pieces from a variety of artists.

I've never shopped with them myself, so I couldn't even comprehend whatever prices they have, but the artwork on display whenever I pass by is always something memorable and eyegrabbing; like this piece of a crowd forming the bust of Ruth Bader Ginsburg.

If you need a bite to eat, as previously mentioned, there's no shortage of options there either. Burger joints, fast food, and sandwich shops/delis are seated alongside fine dining and bistros so whatever niche you require, they can cover.

In terms of personal favorites, I'm partial to the Village Draft House. A nice bar with excellent burgers and great fried appetizers that make me wish eating high fat/carb/salt/whatever foods didn't come with inevitable consequences beyond injuring my wallet.

If you want something a little nicer, then a popular choice is The Flying Biscuit; a largely breakfast/brunch joint with some later in the day fare that uses high quality, healthy ingredients to appease patrons appetites.

But the great thing is, both these places are puppy friendly! Allowing you to bring your dog and even providing water dishes so long as your puppy is able to behave with other good boys/girls around them.

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Of course, you should also check out the Wake County public library hosted in Village District as well! Even if you've been to other Wake County libraries, this wonderfully maintained 2 story library has a decent variety of books, resources, and rooms for the general public to make use of.

Have small children? They'll love the expansive selection of children's books; and enjoy the numerous events catered towards younger readers. Like the rest of Cameron Village, there's a little something for everyone.

If you do stop by the library though, like many of the other places, be forewarned that they're taking necessary COVID precautions in these troubling times and you will be browsing on an "express schedule" where guests are expected to only remain in the building for a limited amount of time (so you have a reduced risk of spreading/contracting the virus).

Normally, if you're a bibliophile like so many who visit these places are, you'd enjoy nothing more than hours of browsing and considering before finally checking out; but for the safety of everyone involved I'm sure they'd appreciate it if you tried to limit your visits to at most thirty minutes.

All told, Village District isn't perfect by any means; but I feel it's more representative of Raleigh as a hangout spot than North Hills by a good measure. Its more diverse clientele, the blended college and downtown communities, the accessibility and variety are all factors that lend to a more authentic, urban south experience.

It might not be as community focused as Seattle's Pike Place or as glamourous a destination as New York City, but its got its own subtle charm that colors any experience I've had there in a more positive light; which is more than I can say of other similar upscale shopping squares.

If you want to visit, try and do so on a weekend when the weather's nice. That's when everyone's out and about, and you get to really see people come together (when of course, we're out of a pandemic).