#I was topped by my evil half orc boyfriend

[mage-propaganda]

Homophobes: Ugh I can’t believe they force you to be gay in Baldur’s Gate 3. I just can’t believe you can be gay. Gayness?? In my Baldur’s Gate??

Dorn il-Khan and Captain Schael Corwin, known bisexuals:

[dimensionwriter]

Awkward Shade of Green

"Congrats on that touch down, Friday," someone congratulated the star next to you. You rolled your eyes at the statement as you continue to get ready for class. You really had a deep hatred for this class.

The one who was responsible for you hating this class, was none other than Zerx. He was the most popular guy in your class and the best football player your school has ever seen. Maybe it was because he wasn't a human, he's an orc.

You don't hate him because he's a different species. No, what bother you is how he's so egotistical and think he's some type of God. It pisses you off.

"You know it wasn't that hard," he said leaning on his elbow which was covering up half of your desk. His arm was very muscular and had a nice shady of green. His long black hair was filled with random braids and red beads decorating it, and it was all over your desk.

Today, he was wearing a sleeveless shirt that showed off his broad shoulders and a tattoo on his right shoulder that was of a swirling sun.

You grabbed the legs of you desk and tried to scoot away, but it didn't bulge. His arm was holding your desk down, resulting in you going nowhere.

You let out a low growl as you tugged harder on your desk, but it seem the pressure had increased. This jerk was doing this on purpose.

You looked at the side of his head to see had this giant smirk on his face that he was trying to hide with giant hand.

You were so tempted to grab him by his tusk and slam his big head into the desk. But at the same time, he didn't deserve your anger. He was just trying to get a reaction out of you. He always was.

You let out a sigh and let your hand drop from the cool rods connected to your desk.

Zerx's head turned slightly towards you and saw his glance at you with his dark blue eyes.

"You trying to move, honey," he said with that giant sadstic smirk on his face. You silently cringe at that nickname he decided to give you. You didn't say anything and just stared ahead and hope he wouldn't do anything.

He lifted his arm off your desk and you felt relief flood your body. Well, until you were lifted off the ground, you and your desk to be exact.

You gripped the edges of you desk as you looked to you left in a state of panic and fury. Zerx was in his seat, but was lifting up the back of your chair causing his huge muscles to bulge.

"Put me down," you growled glaring at him. He tilted the desk back causing you to let out a tiny squeal. You gripped the desk harder as you tried to refind the balance and not follow gravity back. The class started to giggle at your discomfort.

"But I thought I saw you trying to move your desk. Sorry, I couldn't feel your weak attempt under my strong arms," he said giving you a giant evil smile showing off the gold band he had around his right tusk.

"Well if you had half of a brain, you would understand that I would never want help from you," you growled giving him a glare full of hatred. His smile died slowly until his face remain blank.

He set you down on the ground and you released your grip from the desk. Your palm hurted from how hard you were gripping the desk. You glanced at your palm to see deep red lines on your palm.

You bit you lip from attacking him. You truly hated Zerx with your entire being. Why does he feel like it's his life purpose to make your life hell?

You walked into the cafeteria with your best friend, Anx. She was two feet taller than you and was covered in huge muscles. Her skin was a dark green that got lighter on her face. Her hair was shaven at the sides and the top was in a big braid going back. Her tusk went all the way to her nose, where there a gold piercing going inbetween her nostril.

"He's such a jerk," you complain to her as you took giant steps to keep up with her giant legs. She let out a small laugh as she looked down at you with her blue eyes.

"He can be," she mumbled lifting her arm so they were resting on her head. Her muscles bulge a little causing a couple of people to swoon. This is what you get for having an attractive orc friend.

"I dont understand how you two are related. You're a delight to be around. He makes me want to stab him. Was there some sort of genetic malfunction with him?" You rambled angrily grabbing at her black sleevless shirt. Her held tilted back and a hard laugh came from her.

"I ask the same question every day. He is still oblivious on a lot of things," she muttered mostly to herself. You nodded along as you continue to walk.

"But he's not that bad," she mumbled and threw a side glance at you. Your head snapped at her as you started worrying about her sanity.

"He wasn't that bad in the beginning, quiet actually. Then he turned into a complete villain. He squished an apple I was going to have for lunch. He ripped a book I was reading in half. He likes make my life a hell," you explain angrily while jumping a little to get closer to her height, but it didnt work.

"Calm down. I was joking," she said putting her big hand ontop of your head. You let out a sigh and walked to your table.

"But you shouldn't be this worked up over him. Are you sure there's not another reason for this craze emotion,?" She asked lifting up her thick eyebrow as she looked at you. Your eyebrows dropped at her accusation.

"If you think I have romantic feeling for Zerx, then you are wrong. And if for some unholy reason, I do. Instantly put me in an insane asylum and throw away the key." Anx shook her head at you while she pulled out her phone. She let out a low chuckle as she looked up at you with a crazy glint in your eye.

"What if Zerx likes you and is just trying to impress you?" She said laughing halfway through. You stood up and threw her a warning glare. There was no way that was possible.

You and Anx walked out of the cafteria after finishing lunch, which had no conversation that include the forbidden name. Anx kept checking her phone alot and had a slight worried look on her face. She glanced to the right at the lockers before her face lit up and she looked at you.

"Hey, can I put my stuff in your locker? Mines on the other side of the school and my class is right there," Anx begged making her eyes appear wider and poking out her bottom lip. Ah, the classic puppy dog eyes.

"Fine," you said walking over to your locker. This wasn't the only time Anx has used your locker, infact the two of you usually share eachother lockers.

You got there and instantly noticed the huge dents in it. It wasn't even close and was moving slightly. Who in their right mind would break into a locker?

You grabbed the squished handle and slowly swung it open. You were met with a locker full of roses of all colors. A heavenly scent slowly wafted towards causing a smile to make its way to your face.

"Looks like you have a secret admirer," Anx joked while bumping your shoulder gently. A small crowd was now forming around you. You reached in and grabbed all the flowers, which was an arm full.

"They are so beautiful," you said squeezing them gently. You lean forward to get in another whiff when you noticed something moving. You lean forward ro get a closer look.

You let out an ear piercing scream as you dropped the flowers. A huge poisionous spider continue to crawl over the flowers without a single care in the world. A shiver went down you spine as you thought of how close you were to that thing.

You noticed a folded card sitting at the bottom of the pile. You bent down quickly and picked it up, trying your best to avoid the spider.

Bet you would 'enjoy' these

~Zerx

You threw the paper down and started stomping on the note and the stupid flowers. "I hate Zerx. I hate him so much," you growled turning to your best friend which had her face in her palm. You turn away from her and kicked the flowers before stomping off the class. You have never hated a person more in you life than at this moment.

You walked out the classroom to go the bathroom to wash your hands. You still felt disgusting after using hand sanitizer in the classroom, so you simply asked the teacher to go to the bathroom with the hope of getting this feeling off you.

"Are you an idiot?" Some growled before a loud thump echoed behind. You recognized the voice as Anx. What was she up to?

You silently walked quickly to where the voice came from, which led you to a secluded corner. You stayed out of sight, but still listen.

"I'm sorry." You instantly recognized that as Zerx's voice and felt your anger boil. "You said she would like some flowers. I don't understand how it went wrong."

"You were suppose to make sure the dang flowers didn't have any deadly spiders that could kill a human with one bite. And what was with the cryptic note?" The rumbling of paper met your ears and you heard an deep ahh.

"Those aren't quotation marks. The pen kept dying, so I scraped it against the paper a little. I guess I understand how that went wrong. But this morning, I made her angry. The internet said girls like to be called small and to have a strong boyfriend around when they are weak. But it just pissed her off, instead of making her like me," Zerx said angrily with a slight growl of confusion in his voice. You felt your stomach drop a little.

"Humans are different from us. And stop looking at the internet for help on your failing love life," Anx said with an annoyed tone.

"I can't believe I'm saying this, but I'm desperate to have her at least tolerate me. I thought at first if I tried to show off my strength, it would work, but it had the opposite affect. Then I try to go by human standards and they backfire. What am I suppose to do? At this point, she may end up marrying you before she even glances my way." You hate how your stomach knotted at his sad tone. He sounded like a dying solider with no hope.

"Have you tried just asking her out?" You said wincing at how loud your voice was. Why did you speak. This was suppose to be a private talk.

The ground shook as heavy pounding slowly got closer to you. It stopped and you looked up to see Zerx standing in front of you with a huge blush on his cheeks.

"I-I- How much did you hear?" He roared getting closer to you with a panic look in his eyes. You shrunk a little feeling yourself panicking. Maybe you made a mistake.

"Ignore him. He's embarrassed and panicking that you just found out about his crush on you," Anx said leaning on the corner of the wall to your left. Zerx gave a menacing growl at her, but it stopped when he looked at you.

"So," you said gaining a little courage to actually talk. " All that annoying stuff you were doing was to impress me?" Anx started to giggle as her blue eyes stared at her blushing brother.

"It wasn't meant to be annoying. You were suppose to be impressed," he muttered not looking you in the eye. You cocked you head to side as you watched this new side of Zerx.

"Well, it was. But I can't blame you for having no ideas on how to be romatic or seduce someone," you said causing him to shrink down some. You cringed at how blunt that sounded. You were so use to trying to back talk you that it was second nature. "But you still haven't tried to asking me out."

"Wait, what?" He said looking startled. Anx let out a sigh and walked over to her brother.

"Hey, you wanna come to the game on Friday and get icecream after," Anx said moving Zerx's bottom lip to make it seem that he was talking. "Wow, Zerx that's a great idea."

Zerx slapped her hand away and glared at her. You let out a tiny giggle at the sibling reaction. Zerx glanced over at you with hope swimming in his eyes.

"I may be free Friday," you said with a small smirk. He let out this deep happy growl before he launched at you. You were up in the air being held by his big strong arms, before you could even stop it.

"Put me down you dork," you giggled slapping his thick arm. He gave you this big wide grin that had the gold band on his tusk shining. He spun you around causing you to grip harder onto him.

"I've waited this long to hold you in my arms. What makes you think I'm gonna let go now," he said squeezing tighter with his blue eyes shining from the school light. Maybe Anx was going to have to take you to that insane asylum after all.

Part 2

[wowheadquarters]

Top 10 best elves

For @khadgars-raven, our local elf lover. Okay, 10 elves which are, according to me, the best. This is going to be a lot subjective thing, though, as I prioritize maybe different things than you do. Oh, I have ran out of Top N queue, so... If you’d like to see some in a fortnight, you could suggest some.

10. Azj’Tordin - A good elf name has to be stupid to pronounce, so clearly his parents loved him. Shen’dralar are still my favorite elven faction, although you can no longer grind reputation with them. Azj’ is clearly a traumatised elf with only a little lore known, but he’s a good looking, not evil, a Shen’dralar, and loves himself his book, so clearly here he goes.

9. Altruis the Sufferrer - Hands down, a good and solid Demon Hunter even back at the Burning Crusade. He had a Netherwing friend/mount, so, like, he can’t be a bad person either. I would trust him with life. Not my life, mind you, but someone’s life for sure. It also feels good to know that Blizzard doesn’t always abandon their characters.

8. Blood-Queen Lana’thel - The Icecrown Lacrimosa. I used to play on a private WotLK server where she was famous for descending into a completely different boss battle with the Blood Prince Court if you managed to kick up and glitch a ball of blood or what was it thorough the ceiling into her room. But also, vampire Queen.

7. Asric - Alright, face it, this list is going to contain a lot of Blood Elves, because you know, it is the Blood Elves that Blizzard usually cares about and makes them interesting characters. Angry drinkinig ex-investigator who got fooled by Griftah or maybe just paid what he thought being enough at time. He ended up with Jadaar. Maybe Jadaar and he are together, maybe not, but they are a damn good duo anyway. I like Asric, although he is nothing badass, you don’t need to be a badass or epic in order to be a good and interesting character (doesn’t equal with good person)

6. Illidan Stormrage - Fiiiine, yeah, here you go. Illidan is a dumbass, but he is our dumbass, and also Taedal likes him. He is a problematic character, yeah, not everybody likes him, but he is notable and actually shows some character unlike his brother. Still, Blizzard could do much better and learn that wings and glaives don’t make you a good and interesting character, only a good poster to have above your bed. There are far more interesting (and therefore in my opinion better) characters than Illidan.

5. Voren’thal the Seer - In this trying times, we all need a dude who can see into the future. And also admit that yeah, he was really wrong, we are really sorry, A’dal, Kaelthas is a big dick, would you have us? I also like to think that as we got no update on his whereabouts he is a) still alive, b) getting along with Ishanah.

4. Lor’themar Theron - Speaking of elves, I am going to throw in the wine dad we all love, also probably the only Blood Elf who is probably a guy. A Ranger with an eyepatch and a sword. I would gladly give him a sniper rifle. If I had to choose a Warcraft character to kill me, I’d choose him, he wouldn’t make any fuzz about it. ...I admit that his HeadQuarters Verse might not entirely correspond the Warcraft canon, but then, Warcraft canon doesn’t correspond with Warcraft canon, especially when it comes to personalities, so you know.

3. Koltira Deathweaver - I admit, I like Thassarian a little better. Mainly because Koltira’s boyfriend got an actual beard and the Cult tattoos. But Koltira is also very good. Overall, in our Family Koltira is loved deeply. My mother’s DK and main is Alliance, and while doing the quests in Icecrown, she was frantically searching the Skybreaker for Koltira, because damn, Thassarian is there, his boyfriend must be too. She later found him with her Orc on the Horde ship, and she was so happy. Koltira is a very good elf.

2. Maiev Shadowsong - Look, I had a crush on her since the Burning Crusade. Not since Warcraft III, because I never got that far when I was four years old. But guys, guys... Maiev. I mean, they killed of Javert in the Les Misérables, let me have at least this one Lawful Neutral, alright? And her helmet hes special place to put her eyebrows in, which is cool.

1. Occuleth - Yeah, alright. A genius telemancer whose first reaction to a strange intruder in a workshop full of secrets that is under attack is to put them in a mana deadlock bubble. I love Occuleth, and if anything happens to him, I am going to get on the path of vengeance

Honorable Mention: Cameo Sentinel - You know her, I have used her here a few times. She is one of the Darnassian Sentinels, you know, those sentiles in Darnassus, all named Darnassian Sentinel. For such a job, this one has been thorough some shit. Also, how do you know that the Cameo Sentinel is always the same sentinel? Maybe she isn’t... I wanted to put Arathor in here to be fair, but then I realized he is a half elf and therefore doesn’t count and couldn’t make it even into honorable mentions.