#I will deffo go on Friday but I am going to have to drag myself

[explanationpoint]

…

[osarina]

I didn't want to comment my reply again on the civilian dazai fic but OMG FYO IT WAS REALLY GOOD

I will say it deffo felt much light hearted and had a friday fellthan waterloo and even wykyk but I think that's cause the ✨️drama✨️ btwn them hadn't started yet and also the fact that I know they aren't doomed by the narrative (you) this time 💀

But I am liking the way it is going it already has me hooked and I am so very excited 😊 and God damn I LOVE love the reader so much. She's much more badass and ahhhh dazai is so cute and pathetic I lub him <3

Also fun fact after my 3 hour exam and after 2 sleepless nights, I did the exam well and came rushing home and held myself to read this awesomeness before sleeping for like 8 hours straight. When I woke up I read it again not in a sleepy haze to get the full experience XD that's how much I love your quality top notch fics

I think the reader's ability is a great and beautiful choice. It's not overpowering to change the plot or invite plot holes but powerful enough to impact everyday life. It really keeps me asking if the reader is using her ability on a certain situation or not and I really love that feature.

Anyways hope your life is going well 😊 and dont forget to eat healthily

P.s. : Do you have a fixed schedule to upload wasteland like waterloo or is it not fixed? And sorry for making the asks so long 😅

TUMBLR USER SILVERSNOW2000 HELLO MY LOVE I ADORE YOU, YOU NEVER HAVE TO APOLOGIZE FOR SENDING LONG ASKS I LOVE THEM

AHHHHHH I'M SO GLAD U ENJOYED IT ive had soooooo much fun writing civzai and pmreader. IT'S DEFINITELY MUCH MORE LIGHTHEARTED THAN ANY OF THE OTHER SERIES SO FAR but don't worry the drama starts in the next chapter LOLLLL and it doesn't slow down from there. THEY DON'T DIE THO i feel like i have to say this every time LOLLLLL

YESSSSS PM READER IS SO FUN TO WRITE like she's alwaysssss fun to write but it's particularly fun being able to write her from the viewpoint of dazai as a civilian who isn't like used to seeing her already. like she's very similar in the original universe but dazai has known her for so long there that he's become used to her yk, meanwhile this dazai sees her in a very fresh light if u get what i mean. it's the change in perspective that's so fun to write here

AND OMG IM GLAD - i was so conflicted about how to phrase/what to make her ability because i didn't want to make it too op but at the same time .. she's a port mafia executive, she needs to have a pretty notable ability, and then i was like wait ... her whole thing is politics and negotiations, so obviously it has to be something along the lines of fucking with ppl's minds/brains, but i needed to obviously whittle that down because mind control is just too ridiculous, so i got the idea of her being able to like induce emotions + states onto people BUT they're able to draw themselves out of it if they have the strength for it.

some things are easier to brush off, but other things aren't. like she can put people to sleep with her ability and they can't really drag themselves out of that because now they're sleeping, and inducing fear in particular is pretty hard for people to draw themselves out of because it spirals quickly. but for negotiations and stuff, when she's making them feel as if she's more trustworthy/more susceptible to taking bad terms, she has to be SO careful & calculated with her every word because any small thing could make them double take and jar them out of the induced state.

actually, in civzai universe, it's going to be really interesting because without dazai there to stop chuuya from using corruption, reader and chuuya had to figure out a way to knock him out of it themselves - which they DID and it involves her ability but it's SOOOO dangerous for her so they end up not really using corruption often. this actually comes up in the next chapter

i dont have a set schedule! i'm going to shoot for every other friday max though!

[stateofloveandnegan]

I Just Can’t - Jerry Cantrell

While the last anon doesn't come up with a request, I got one. Would you please write a smut one shot where the reader and Jerry had a not so friendly break-up but they clearly have strong feelings for each other. So maybe after a couple months trying to contact her they meet again by coincidence at a party or something and she finally gives up trying to fight it. Thank you :)

IM SORRY IT TOOK SO LONG

But I’m actually very happy with how this turned out, so I hope you think so too! Enjoy :)

Requested by: @ladyfulton

Warning(s): smut

MASTERLIST

‘Even after four months he still doesn’t know when to stop.’ I think to myself as I decline his call once more.

“Shouldn’t you give him one more chance?” Demri asks me to which I scoff.

I take another long swig of my wine before answering: “He messed up. He had his chance, Dem. I’m not gonna let myself fall for it again.”

She sighs, knowing fully well that I’m right. But then again, she hates seeing me like this; heartbroken, even after four months.

I turn the volume of the tv a bit and lose myself in the awfully bad tv show that’s currently playing. Fortunately it helps set the mood a bit and Demri and I both laugh every now and then.

At midnight Demri decides it’s time to head home and I let her out, “Bye Dem, see you soon.”

“Yeah, and you’ll come to Chris’ party right?” she asks, which causes confusion to enter my face.

I wave it off, “I’ll call him and ask about it, don’t worry. See you!”

And with that, Demri leaves and I turn after closing the door to reach for my phone. I dial Chris’ number and it rings only one of two times before he picks up.

“Cornell household, what can I do for you?” he says in a mocking-tone.

I laugh, “Hey Chris, how are you?” he let’s out an exciting sound when he realises it’s me.

“(Y/N)!! I was just about to give you a call, actually. You’re coming to my party this Friday, aren’t you? I totally forgot to tell you about it, I’m sorry! Can you forgive me, sugar?”

“I was just about to call you about it, Demri just mentioned it and I wanted to make sure if I was invited, but of course, I’ll be there! And quit it with the pet-names, Cornell.”

We both burst into a fit of laughter, “Alright, see you Friday, Chris.” I say before hanging up.

The rest of the week go by in a flash and before I even realise it, it’s Friday already. “Shit!” I mutter to myself at the realisation.

“Dem! Hey!” I practically scream into my phone as soon as it’s picked up. “I need your help, alright. The party is in two hours and I’ve done nothing, yet. Please, help me out here!”

She just chuckles and tells me she’s on her way. I thank her and move over to my wardrobe. There are a couple of dresses that look quite nice for a birthday party. But then again, there are also some nice, tight, pants in there and some nice shirts.

I take out a dress, a pair of pants and a shirt, and some heels and boots to go with it. When I’m about to change, my doorbell rings and I open it to find Demri standing in front of me, already completely dolled up for the party.

I grab her wrist and take her with me to my room, “Soooo, I’ve got this set: these tight pants, this shirt, and the boots.” I tell her, showing her the black, ripped tights, a t-shirt with ‘rock’n’roll’ spelled on it and the black dr martens boots. “Or this dress and these heels.” I say as I show her the black, lace, dress with a pair of matte black, open, heels.

She seems to genuinely think of what I should wear and finally speaks up, “First one, deffo first one.” she says and throws the outfit at me.

“Alright!”

After a good hour and a half, I’m finally done. Clothes hugging my body in a perfect way and make up smoothly on my face. “He won’t know what hit ‘m.” Demri says under her breath.

“What?” I ask since I didn’t hear her very clearly.

Her eyes snap up to meet mine, “Oh, nothing. You look amazing.”

Demri eventually calls Layne to tell him she’ll meet him at the party, ‘cause she’s staying here with me for the time being.

“You know, you’re lucky with Layne, he’s such a sweetheart to you.” I tell her, thinking about how lovey-dovey they can get. She chuckles, “Well, there’s also another side to it, of course. But yes, I’m very happy with him.”

Time flies and before we know it, it’s already time to go to Chris’ place. I get my keys and put them in my purse, along with some money. Before closing my apartment and hopping into Dem’s car.

“There you are!” Chris exclaims when we enter, seemingly a tad bit later than the rest, (we might have had karaoke in the car and didn’t want to stop..)

There are a lot of familiar faces and I greet them all, except for one face I wish I never had to see again. Him calling me was already heavy on me. Seeing him was even worse. Before his eyes meet mine I quickly turn around and walk to the other side of the room, where Chris and Demri are conversing. “Why the hell didn’t you tell me hewould be here?!” I whisper-scream.

They both give me a pained expression, “Because then you probably wouldn’t have come,”

“Damn right I wouldn’t.”

“but you need to have fun, (Y/N). Just have fun tonight, alright? Enjoy yourself again for once.”

I sigh, knowing they’re right. I drop the subject and move over to the kitchen to grab a beer. “You showed up.” a very familiar voice speaks from behind me. A voice I wanted to avoid very dearly.

“Not because you’re here.” I snap without turning around.

I hear him sigh and there’s also a soft thud, probably him putting down his drink on the table. “Don’t be like that, (Y/N), please.” he says in a soft voice, which almost gets to me. Almost.

I finally turn around and my eyes meet his, “Be like what, Jerry? Like I’m done with you? Like I don’t want to talk to you? Well, I don’twant to talk to you. So I’m going to leave this kitchen and you’re going to let me.”

For once, he actually listens to me and lets me leave the kitchen without any more than just looking at me with broken eyes.

The evening goes on pretty alright, without any more encounters with Jerry, I’m actually really having fun for the first time in a while.

My conversation with McCready is cut short when someone taps on my shoulder. I turn to be met with those broken eyes once again.

I turn back to Mike, ignoring the presence behind me, but fail at it as Jerry walks around me and steps in front of me, “I need to talk to you, (Y/N).”

Mike gives me an apologetic smile and walks over to where Eddie is standing. My eyes leave Mike’s retreating figure and snap back to Jerry. “Alright, but not here.” I give in. It’s been so long and when I really think about it, this act of not caring is killing me, ‘cause I do care about him, way too much for my liking.

Jerry grabs my arm gently and walks upstairs into the hall with me following him. The party is going on downstairs, so there isn’t anyone upstairs.

“So, what do you want?” I spat at him, feeling a tad bad for how harsh it sounded.

Jerry sighs, not meeting my eyes, “I miss you. So fucking much, it’s killing me.”

I scoff and he finally meets my eyes, “Maybe you should’ve thought of that a bit sooner.”I say and look away from him.

“I know I should’ve. God you don’t have to tell me that. I’m an idiot, the biggest idiot, for what I did to you. And I’ve tried so hard to get over you, to let you move on, because I know it’s selfish of me to ask you to forgive me, but I’ve realised that I am selfish.”

His words are so sincere and honest that I can’t stay mad at him. “Why did you do it? Why did you have sex with her? My cousin, for fucks sake, Jerry. And to make it even better, on my birthday! What the hell did I do to deserve that?” I desperately ask him, tears already streaming down my face.

Jerry’s hand moves up to my cheek and he brushes the tears away with his thumb, “Nothing. You did absolutely nothing to deserve that. That’s why it makes me even more of a selfish prick to ask you to forgive me. But it was a mistake, (Y/N). I big mistake at that. I was drunk, and I know that’s not an excuse, but I’d never do anything to hurt you on purpose. I love you.”

That was that. Those three words. Those words did it. “You love me?”

“I love you, (Y/N). More than anything. And I guess if I love you, I should let you move on. But I can’t, I genuinely can’t.”

Never had Jerry said those words to you, not even when you were dating.

“You don’t have to say them back, I don’t expect you to. You probably don’t even feel the same, but I had to say it.”

We’re both quiet for a while, just staring at each other. And I’m thinking, about everything he just said.

“What if I did say it back?” I ask quietly.

“You woul- what?” he says, only then realising what I just asked.

“What if I said I loved you too? Because I do, Jerry. After all this time, I still fucking love you. I’ve tried to get over you, but nothing worked.”

For a moment, he says or does nothing, but as the words sink in, he pins me to the wall and crashes his lips against mine in a kiss that tells me just how much he loves me and how much he’s been wanting to do this.

At first I’m hesitant, not knowing if this is really what I want, if I really want to get back into it with him. But the hesitation is soon replaced by hunger and love for the man currently pinning me against the wall with his whole body.

I kiss him back just as eager as he kisses me. Jerry practically drags me into the first room we reach, locking it on our way over to the bed that’s inside. The fact that we’re about to have sex on Chris’ bed doesn’t even bother me. All I want to do right now is make up for lost time.

Both our shirts are somewhere on the ground even before we hit the matrass. “You sure?” Jerry asks as he’s hovering above me.

I let out a chuckle as I smile at him, “You’ve become a gentleman, now?” I ask teasingly. He laughs, but quickly reconnects our lips together, his hands roaming over my whole body and stopping at my waistband. Moving his hand slowly to my zipper, sliding it down, and undoing my button.

His hands slide my pants off, our shoes already being lost, and his hand immediately goes back up to slide off my panties. “God (Y/N), you’re already so wet.” He says as he gently slides a finger through my folds.

I let out a moan and Jerry smirks before kissing me hungrily. His thumb playing with my clit, as one finger slides into me, has me soon as a moaning mess. His fingers are at familiar territory and he knows exactly what to do to make me feel like I’m on cloud nine.

“Jer- God, Jer.” I grunt as he starts pumping, now two fingers, in and out of my roughly. He removes his fingers from inside me and swiftly removes his boxers as well.

His hands are now resting at the side of my head, both on one side. He’s positioning himself between my legs, the tip of his cock teasing against my entrance. He moves himself up a bit, his cock now sliding against my clit, causing me to let out a loud moan.

Jerry chuckles before sliding himself into me completely. I arch my back, the once familiar feeling a bit renewing.

“You alright?” he whispers softly, caressing my cheek with his thumb. I nod and he places a gentle kiss on me lips before thrusting in and out of me. At first, his thrusts are gentle, but as soon as he realises I’m completely adjusted to the feeling of having him inside me, his thrust get harder and harder.

“Jeez, (Y/N) you’re so tight.” Jerry grunts as he keeps pushing in and out of me. A chuckle I let out forms into a moan as he hits my sensitive spot. He places kisses all over my neck and nibbles and bites every now and then.

I feel my orgasm building up in the pit of my stomach “Jer, I’m close-” I tell him and he nods, “Me too, babe. Just let it go, come for me.”

It takes us both only a couple second before it’s done. I scream his name as he screams my name. We ride off our high and he pulls out slowly, collapsing next to me on the bed.

“I’ll never let you go, (Y/N). I’ll never give you another reason for it.” he whisper in my ear while placing his arm around my waist.

“I won’t let you do anything like that ever again, Jer, so don’t worry.” I say and we both chuckle.

The sound of the door opening startles us and Jerry quickly grabs a blanket to cover the both of us. Chris enters the room and as soon as he sees us he freezes.

“I thought you locked to door.” I whisper to Jerry, my eyes not leaving Chris’ figure.

“I guess I was a bit too busy getting us to the bed to check the lock…”

“You guys,” Chris said, while pointing his finger at me and then Jerry, back and forth, “just had sex. In my bed.” he says, more to himself than to us. “IN MY BED!”

Jerry and I share a glance, smiles creeping up on our faces, “Oops?”