#I woke up at like six am and deliriously made notes so i wouldn’t forget this and went back to sleep

[philsgirlinprague]

Dan and Phil upload a new video to dapg. It starts in the kitchen, they make drinks (actually alcoholic this time) and then they start making pizza from scratch. Dan makes most of the pizza dough while Phil is showing us all of the toppings. They even make their own tomato sauce. When it’s done, Phil dips his finger in the pan, licks the sauce off and starts describing the taste. Dan is filming him from up close and says off camera: I want to try it too. He turns the camera so both of them are in the frame. He leans in a kisses Phil on the lips. The video ends. We never find out how the pizza turned out.

The worst thing about this, is that I usually have way weirder dreams and this was one of the sane ones.

[komahinasecretexchange]

Title: Visions

Author: @nadisabug

For: @cellophanerose

Pairing: Hinata x Komaeda

Warnings: mild language, other than that none

Prompt: I used two of the three prompts: Hinata being ‘haunted’ by Komaeda, who is still in a coma post sdr2 (whether the hauntings are real or not is up to you) AND Komaeda tracing Hinata’s “Kamukura project” scars when Hinata is overwhelmed with self-identity issues

Author’s notes: I really enjoyed writing this, I hope you like it! I will also be posting this to my AO3 so look out for that link later!

“Hinata-kun.” Gorgeous green eyes smiled at Hajime, arms open wide in an invatation that made Hajime’s heart ache.

Hajime was tired. That had to be it. He had just been relieved from duty by Fuyuhiko from watching over the program because he “was no use to anyone sleep deprived.”

It was a twenty hour shift he had just taken, marked only by the fact that Fuyuhiko worked four hours each day at the same time like clockwork. Everyone gave into the structure Fuyuhiko demanded, knowing that it was more for his wellbeing than anything. Nevermind, Kazuichi, Owari, and Fuyuhiko each watched over the simulation for four hours in rotating shifts, the last eight hours of the day designated as Hajime’s watch. Hajime usually did not abide by the rules, staying past his shift, and only Fuyuhiko had enough strength and little sympathy to tear Hajime from the monitors.

They knew once their peers began to wake up from the simulation - if they would wake up, Kazuchi was always wont to mention - their shifts would become shorter and shorter. However, they all knew Hajime’s would get longer and longer until he woke up. Hajime was obsessed with waking them up, using all of his talents and skills to manipulate the system into releasing them. He worked with the AI he met inside the simulation, Alter Ego, unlocking firewalls that barricaded them from previously accessing certain areas. He knew that they were so close. So close to waking them up. To waking him up.

So Hajime wasn’t sure if it was because he hadn’t slept in the past twenty-eight hours, or if it was because he was actually going crazy, but Komaeda was standing in front of him.

Crazy as it may seem, this was not a rare occurrence by any means. He had been seeing Komaeda everywhere, his eyes chasing his silhouette in peripherals, a flash of cream coloured hair when he opened his eyes in the morning, honeyed greens smirking at him in reflections.

But this, this was the first time the apparition had spoken.

Maybe Fuyuhiko is right, I am overworking myself, Hajime thought to himself. He squeezed his eyes shut, shook his head quickly, then opened them back up, expecting his vision to be gone.

But it wasn’t.

Komaeda was still standing there.

Arms open.

Hajime couldn’t help but imagine himself running into them. He had much clarity since he woke up from the simulation. He had regained his memories, and with that, clarity on his feelings, on how he always felt, about Komaeda. The moments they shared in the simulation were some of his most treasured memories now, seeing as they did not interact much before the simulation. He knew that Nevermind still clung to her… what was it called, boat? No, a ship. Her “ship” of Hajime and Chiaki, but everyone else was aware of how Hajime felt. It was hard not to - Hajime was on his last thread of sanity, so keeping his mouth shut was hard. Not like he cared either. They could know or not for all he cared. He just knew that they knew and they knew that he knew they knew and no one really spoke about it. Well, except for Kazuichi’s occasional lighthearted jabs. They never quite landed right though.

But, despite the fact that everything was so peaceful and no one cared about anything here, Hajime felt himself growing angry. He had been working his ass off all day and all night to bring everyone back, to bring him back, and he had the gall to show his stupid sexy face all smiling and offering something that Hajime wanted so fucking bad but knew he could never have. It was just so…. so… infuriatingly Komaeda.

So he did what an overworked, stressed, tired, angry, and quite frankly horny person would do.

He briskly walked past Komaeda, flipping him off on his way.

After the initial acknowledgement, Komaeda became more talkative. He would chatter while Hajime worked, while he ate, while he pretended to sleep. Komaeda would just follow Hajime around, talking to him, and Hajime would ignore him. He figured out that only he could see him - not that it had been confirmed or denied at this point - and as a result wrote it off as a hallucination from being over worked. Playing into it would only make it worse, he reasoned.

“You should take a nap,” Komaeda murmured, reaching out to stroke Hajime’s hair. Hajime didn’t so much as flinch at the action. He knew Komaeda wouldn’t touch him. He hadn’t yet. And Hajime couldn’t let him know that he wanted it. Even if it was fake Komaeda. At least it would be good practice for when real Komaeda woke up, pretending not to crave his touch. If he woke up. “Or just rest even a little. Just because no one has woken up yet means you are a failure.”

Hajime continued to type on the keyboard.

“Such… such hope…” Ah, here he went again. “You could have left them. You could have left us all but you haven’t. There is nothing saying that we will wake up. Honestly, everything is pointing towards us not waking up. And yet still you persist, you push on, you have such hope that we will wake up. Quiet foolishly actually. Idiotic really. Sacrificing everything for just your bizarre hope that something-”

Hajime was glad Komaeda abruptly stopped talking. He wasn’t sure he would be able to keep up his regimen of ignoring him if he hadn’t stopped speaking. However, he was concerned about why Komaeda stopped talking. He looked over at Komaeda and saw his eyes fixated on a single monitor, his mouth slightly ajar. Hajime stared at Komaeda a second longer than necessary before turning to the monitor he was observing. The displays for the still eleven occupied pods held a steady green light-active. Well, all except for one. Pod four was blinking orange. Deactivating.

Hajime ran to the pod room as fast as he could, completely forgetting on his way to notify the others.

He ended up not having to tell the others, as they ended up walking into the cafeteria where he was catching up the Ultimate Imposter to their situation. They were not happy they were left out of the beginning of the celebration, but they seemed to understand because of Hajime’s mental state at the moment.

During the celebration, Komaeda made only a short appearance. He strolled up to Hajime while he was alone at one point, leaning up against a wall next to him. Hajime gave him a smug look, then turned to the Ultimate Imposter. I told you so. I fucking told you so.

Komaeda just laughed. “Your hope was always stronger than any reality.”

Hajime wasn’t sure what it meant, but it made him feel warm for some reason. It wasn’t a normal compliment, not by any means, but it was a compliment by Komaeda’s standards. And for some ungodly reason, that was enough for Hajime. The vague but positive comments on Hajime’s hope still made Hajime feel happy, just as if Komaeda were telling him his hair looked nice, or his face was attractive or something.

…Maybe it was Hajime’s inexperience in dating. That definitely had to play a part, but it still took a certain kind of person to actually listen to Komaeda’s comments and hear them for what they actually are.

You were always strong. Stronger than anyone and anything.

That’s what he really meant. And it made Hajime feel good, even if it was just Hajime’s delirious hallucination of Komaeda.

And with the awakening of the first classmate, everyone else’s hope began to burn brighter. While they had been skipping out early on shifts before the Ultimate Imposter woke up, now they stayed late and even doubled up. They did make comments every once in a while that because they were six now Hajime could take four hour shifts as well, but those comments flew in one ear and out the other. As more peers began to wake up, Hajime began to work more and rest less. The World Destroyer Program he created was working, it was waking up classmates, but it still wasn’t waking up him. It wasn’t working enough. With each passing day he worried that somehow Komaeda was different, that maybe he wouldn’t wake up like the rest. And with each passing day, his theory only seemed stronger. Koizumi woke up, and Hiyoko, and Nidai, Teruteru, Pekoyama- and the rest. Next thing Hajime knew everyone except Komaeda was awake.

It stayed that way for a few days, which was not too abnormal. After the Ultimate Imposter woke up, it took a week for Teruteru to wake up. Yet, every single day that Hajime was awake and Komaeda wasn’t was one too many for Hajime. It was pain. Not to mention that when he did sleep he had terrible nightmares of the simulation. Visions of Chiaki being crushed all over again. Scenarios of Junko surviving despite all that everyone had done to prevent it. Images of Komaeda dead, blood everywhere. In every one, Hajime was just helpless. Useless.

Though those were the best dreams compared to the other nightmares Hajime suffered from. The ones about… the project. The worst part about leaving the simulation was regaining his memories of what happened at Hope’s Peak. And what happened when Kamakura was in control.

It was during one of these dreams when Hajime woke up screaming. He shot up in his bed, clutching at the sheets that were soaked with his sweat.

“What’s wrong?” A worried Komaeda fluttered to Hajime’s side. But he did not soothe Hajime.

Anger boiled in Hajime’s veins. Anger at Hope’s Peak. Anger at the ones who created the simulation. Anger at the people who created the Kamakura project.

Anger at himself.

So much anger towards him and only him. None of this ever would have happened. The biggest, most awful, most tragic event in human history would have never happened. Nothing would have happened if Hajime just wasn’t so weak. So unhappy with his pathetic, talentless self. Kamakura wouldn’t have taken those lives. Junko would have never gotten the firepower Kamakura provided. The uprising would have never happened. Nothing would have happened.

It was all his fault.

He let out a strangled scream and stood up, kicking the sheets off of him, and stormed to his bedside table. Then, in one fell swoop, he threw the bedside lamp onto the floor. It shattered into a million satisfying pieces, the lightbulb letting out a little pop. He stared at the broken mess for a second. Then, suddenly and all together, all the rage that he had been seething drained from his body. He felt like an empty shell. A ghost.

He collapsed back onto the bed, elbows on his knees, back in a tired hunch. His scars hurt. He hurt.

He felt the bed shift next to him.

Hajime cleared his voice, hoarse from screaming, and spoke. “I hate how weak I was. How weak I am still-”

“Bullshit.”

Hajime looked to Komaeda. His eyes were hard and his face stern.

“I didn’t know you were that deluded to be honest. To think that Hajime Hinata is weak- hah! You are anything but weak. At the last trial, you were given two choices. What did you pick? Neither. You made your own choice. When you woke up from the simulation, Makoto told you to leave, Byakuya told you to leave, Kirigiri told you to leave. Did you leave? No. You stayed and created a program to wake us up. You are strong Hinata, you just don’t believe you are."

"But the mistakes I made-”

“Everyone makes mistakes! And I know everyone says that but its true. We are imperfect creatures. We speed, we cheat, we lie - everyone does wrong in their life. Just because you think your wrong that you did is the worst possible one out there doesn’t mean that you should hate yourself for it. Someone else has probably made the same mistake before. Its how life works. We make mistakes. We stumble. We fall. And when we do, we don’t hate ourselves for it, we push through and become better. Because we have hope for an even better future. We have hope for a future that is perfect because it is imperfect.”

“I don’t want to have hope for a better future, I want my life to be better. I want to not have made these mistakes. I want to not hate myself.”

“Well, no one can take back what has been done,” Komaeda reached out and stroked the scars on Hajime’s head. “We can only make the best of it.”

Hajime leaned into the touch, forgetting for a moment that this was a hallucination.

“How can I do that when I don’t even know who I am? I am not Hajime Hinata, and I am not Kamakura. I am some sort of freak in-between and I hate it.”

“Does it matter who you are?” Hajime didn’t know how to respond. But he did know what he wanted Komaeda to say. I still love you, either way, whoever you may be.

“And just for the record, I don’t hate you, whoever you may be.”

Hajime smiled. That was enough for him, for now.

“Thank you, Komaeda,” he murmured. And he meant it.

“Even the strongest have their moments,” Komaeda agreed. “And you are strong,” Komaeda asserted.

Hajime smiled and turned to face Komaeda. In the dim lights his eyes shone like beacons of hope, of acceptance, of… love. Before Hajime could even think he was leaning toward Komaeda his eyes closing his heart beating his mind swirling his-

“Hinata-kun!” Fuyuhiko burst into the room snapping Hajime out of his trance. He was still sitting on his bed, leaning towards an empty space.

“What?” Hajime responded to Fuyuhiko’s curious gaze. “I couldn’t sleep. Now what is it?”

Fuyuhiko seemed to shake his confusion off. “Get dressed. You’re gonna wanna see this for yourself.”

Hope burst in Hajime’s chest. He couldn’t wait to know. “Is he…?”

Fuyuhiko nodded.

Hajime never got dressed faster in his life.

When Hajime made it to the pod room, he was breathless. He ran up to Komaeda’s now-open pod and leaned towards it. Komaeda was still asleep, eyes firmly closed, which allowed Hajime a moment to catch his breath. About once he did, he saw Komaeda’s eyes begin to flutter.

“Hey! Can you hear me?” Hajime called out to his peer.

It took a moment, but then Komaeda responded. “Ahh… Izuru Kamakura?” Komaeda held out his hand towards Hajime. “No, you’re, uh, Hajime Hinata, right?”

Fueled by his earlier revelation, Hajime responded confidently. “They’re both me.”

“I suppose I should thank you for waking me up? I knew you’d make it to the lowest stratum- I believed in you." Komaeda lifted his head, seeming to remember something. "How are the others?”

Hajime just smiled as the door behind him opened, revealing the rest of their peers waiting outside the pod room. “You’re the last one out.”

Komaeda smiled. Then, he looked pointedly into Hajime’s eyes, a small smirk present on his face. “You’re hope was always stronger than any reality.”