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meandmyechoes · 3 years

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The more I think about Dark Disciple, the more I find something odd.

[28th March 17:46]

I keep referring to it as a ‘favourable experience’, and there is no question the writing is what made me fall totally head over heels about quintress, but I also just, can’t?

I mean, yes. It’s very passionate, dramatic, scenes and gestures I can only dream of. But I also, don’t really see it in that ’omg they totally belong together here are my sixty headcanons of them’ sense?

I am very involved in the pairing, but also don’t really, actively ‘ship’ it — like the way it was an open book with Rhayme or Latts Razzi (since it’s the same author that indoctrinated me to Captain Rhayme). I could imagine them being happily ever after and silly shenanigans and slow-burn. But the concept of a quintress fairytale ending is so wild. I can only ask how much it is tainted with my personal view on relationships.

I know the plot leaves little room for “the future” and fed us well on all tropes possible. But, it just never occurred to me to put them in any other clichés or invent a missing scene.

Winding up, I don’t think their relationship is "weak", but it’s very motivated by circumstances and once you take that out of them, you are a little bit lost. For example even during the illicit affairs month, I… can’t really propose one date that does not seem tonally insensitive. (I can think of them being cloak dorks and Vos bringing her to ice-cream, that’s it, after a long hard moment) Really, all I possibly want is that sweet, sweet angst and canon is already there so I have no complaint.

It’s just… I don’t really get why it has to be the two of them that fall for each other. I understand why they did, and I believe it— Perhaps it’s much more a physical attraction thing that I don’t really have personal experience with.

I don’t know if quintress classify as slow-burn because 10 chapters still seem a little quick in the grand scheme of things. (aside: I’m quite disappointed Ventress wasn’t doing much in the last quarter of the book.) My point is, they do feel a little bit puppet to tropes, and while it’s deliciously written, there’s not much potential outside of canon. And that lack of inspiration makes me grimace a little.

[3rd April, 01:39]

I’ve scrolled through the dd tag and let the book sank a little. I am better articulated to talk about the sexist criticism now.

It’s a romance story, and when I judge it by that (lower) standard, it ticks the boxes. However, it might be a weakness as well, due to the projectability of the heroes. And yes, the whole assassination is dumb. Yet, tcw has been consistently this dumb at us. The last two times when she’s more rooted in the dark she failed, sent Savage and failed, so she’s gonna do it again with Vos… after she put down her desire for revenge. right. and surprise! Our “assassination” plan is to find Dooku and duel him directly. right…

I’ve read a review that says the romance takes away from the plot. However, the romance IS the plot. The book IS supposed to revolve around the two of them. I do agree them becoming begrudging allies then partners is a more unique approach, more rewarding as foils as well. but I guess a romance is easier for the conventional to process ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

With the “Ventress lose agency in falling for Vos”. Now, I can’t dictate how each of us buy into their physical attraction and chemistry (or lack thereof), and there’s no denial that a conscious human being is making that choice for the fictional character, I think the stance on this topic varied person to person from the above two factors, which are very different starting points.

I kept Katie Lucas’s foreword vividly in mind while reading. She said this is a story about people seizing chances to rebuild. That there’s always a choice. Cliché as it is, I believe ~the power of love~. I believe there exists someone you’re willing to sacrifice everything for, to overlook everything for, to forgive - to love them, warts and all. So, yes whether you think Ventress loses her agency to the romance, or if that’s a conscious choice on her behalf, is swayed heavily by how much you buy that they are the one.

[10th April, 10:30]

Yesterday I’ve been thinking a bit more about this. I do love this ship, I just don’t believe they’d be two people who find each other again and again in every life time, in every universe. That’s why, as magnificent as fireworks, it also won’t last.

To explore this, it’s not entire impossible for quintress to separate peacefully after this incident, but would that cheapen the build before? The entire motivation of dark!Quinlan hinges on his vision of their future. And say, Ventress did saved him and survived. How would he balance being a Jedi and his feelings - that’s publicly exposed to the Council? (sidenote: i really don’t like Ch. 27 where a bunch of old men are questioning their love life, but uhhh yes, I’m a sensible person!) For now, I’m seeing another Obi-Satine situation. And honestly how bad that an outcome is. It’s not like Ventress died for her war crimes! The show gave her a full pardon! So Idk man. Why can’t she leave him because she loves him and she exiled herself and they never see each other again WHY NOT FILONI WHY NOT.

Now I’m lamenting more what could’ve been with the two arcs. In Filoni’s original sketch, Aayla and Maul were involved. Man, that could’ve been the dream.

~~~

Part 2: [26th April, 15:15]

It has been… a month, since I finished Dark Disciple and I feel like it’s time to conclude all the thinking this book has made me do.

On the wider reflection about attachment and the Jedi Order, I still have to do more reading on it from other sources to form a concrete opinion. This theme won’t be touched on in this post yet, but I cannot shake how intriguing it is to compare “falling” in love to falling to the dark side. The temptation, and the submission to their emotions, the irrationality, the newfound curiosity, it all incites. Very curiously, it was Anakin Skywalker who commented that one is “blinded by love”

Okay, so what I’ve been scratching my head off the past two weeks is how I look at the romance between Asajj Ventress and Quinlan Vos. How would I define it?

Now this is as much as an exploration of how I view romantic relationships. Well, I’ve decided it wasn’t “love”, it was an “affair”. It was an affair because it’s a rush of passion, it’s a secret, it won’t last. Before I chop my own head off for bluntness, I mean it in, of course they are hopelessly in love with each other, that’s the exact premise of why it moved me so. But it wasn’t a complete relationship, wasn’t a healthy, sustainable one by any objective standards. Then, that’s the exact contradiction. Oh to throw caution in the wind with you, or to build a future with you?

Both are things I want a lot, and the ideal is of course one after the other. What quintress had (in the end) is definitely not something I’d want for myself, but it’s so fantastical, it’s alluring, just like the concept of falling in love - opening up yourself and trusting another person, is - it’s risky. That’s why it’s a sweet, sweet drug.

I’ve been so angry at all the red flags in this relationship. Reading this book, getting into both of their shoes, yelling NO like their best friends. But ultimately, what they had is unique to them and I can’t influence it in any way. Re-reading, I find myself holding myself back at all the places I was furious about going ‘You are smarter than this!’. Because it’s a tragedy, and the beautiful (I guess) thing is they chose each other.

The other day something on the dash inspired me to really think about ship dynamics. I, unashamedly admit, I’m VERY into Obi/Quin/Ventress in any and all combinations. *cough* I will not explain further.

I do accept the premise and I did discover they share quite a bunch of traits, but it confused me a while what made them cross the boundary, and it was, physical attraction (that the book was selling so hard I was blushing hot). I love them both a lot, and I would like to date them both, and I can see myself in either of them. Again comes the contradiction, is it a good thing to have characters so easily projectable, or do I want to see myself in more complex characters like them?

I probably lost quite a few cars stalling this train of thought. And I've been a canon apologist since forever. This book brought me a lot of emotional upheavals and a lot of food for thought. It brought me down to reflect on my romantic worldview and sexuality because I have nothing better to do. It totally challenged me as a writer and it’s just a really good novel by its right, regardless of the absurdity that is The Clone Wars. It’s a lot of firsts for me. And I really should find something better to do.

[26th April 16:00]

I must address that I got spoiled of the ending and the first and second half of the book probably went through some big changes.

If I cried for this book, it’s score would be even higher. And I’ve been so obsessed with discussing the relationship, without shedding light on the characterization, which is definitely an unfortunate side effect. Then it occurs that quite possibly the second half (26-42) deviated even further from the script than the first? It doesn’t have concept art or blocking, plus possibly (heavily) edited to omit correlation to other arcs. My major complaint for the second half is Ventress doesn’t do much and we know NOTHING about Vos, even though he is given screen time in the book. my, I just wish Ventress punch him harder and drag his idiotic mess back to the light sooner.

And to criticism about it being their ‘toxic’ relationship being portrayed as ‘true love’, well, it really depends on how thoughtful the reader is, right? I think if the reader is able to notice all these red flags and gave their own interpretation of the relationship and its outcome, it’d’ve been an educating experience. There’s what for the reader and what for the characters. They don’t know this ‘love’ is destroying them, and what kind of message is it sending? What ‘love’ depicted in the book is true then? I have my answers, and I hope every reader comes to their own as well.

#dark disciple #sw reading #clean version #i yell 'EXCEPT THE FLIRTY PART' every three scenes

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do-what-the-knight-tells-you · 5 years

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So I saw a post on here talking about how, when you take the shit Geralt says in the TV series at face value, it’s unbelievably hurtful and cruel towards Jaskier, just, downright mean, and callous, and designed to make Jaskier feel he’s wasted two decades of his life.

But I hate that, because it makes me sad, and on a rewatch, I found an alternate take.

So whether Geralt is neurodivergent in a way we recognize clinically (ASD perhaps? I won’t address that here, but I love Autistic!geralt headcanons), or whether he’s just built himself a particularly abrasive method of interaction over 100 years of shit, prejudice, and abuse, his really rough, rude abrasive words towards Jaskier are not genuine.

And I would expect/choose to believe, that if Jaskier has continued their companionship over two decades, he has not only recognized this about Geralt, but decided he’s more or less okay with it.

So I had the thought particularly during the djinn episode– saw it pointed out somewhere, how un-comforting Geralt is when the elf-healer tells Jaskier the Djinn-curse can kill him. Jaskier turns, desperate, scared, says “fuck, Geralt!” and Geralt sort of awkwardly pats him on the back and says “yeah, we’re not gonna let that happen” in a fairly begrudging way, as if suggesting that the whole situation isn’t that big a deal.

So what if that response has less to do with not caring, with being callous towards Jaskier’s life and fear, and more with either a genuine awkwardness and discomfort with the idea of comforting someone, he really doesn’t know what to say, he’s not used to being a comfort (most ppl are scared enough of him that even when he rescues them, they’d still prefer he left than comfort them in any way), and he’s probably received very little comfort in his life, doesn’t know how to do it, and is barely experienced with the idea of admitting one might want or need it.

And/or, we see the candid, unemotional way he reacts to the ghoul bite in ep7, to the knowledge that he’s seconds from death. So clearly the smooth, stoic, sarcastic, unaffected thing is his usual method of handling scary shit. He doesn’t even raise his voice unless it might help (i.e. out-yelling Yennefer to be heard over the djinn-hurricane, hoping that he can persuade he to give up the really terrible course of action she’s on that’s gonna kill her).

So the other part of it could totally be a case of him downplaying the danger, trying not to think, speak, allude to, mention the danger, possibly as his own coping mechanism (a lot easier to be “fearless” when you repress the shit out of whatever might scare you. if you never let yourself think about the possibility that things might go horribly wrong, then it’s a lot easier to conduct yourself as if nothing bad might happen).

So when he awkwardly pats Jask on the back, distractedly, begrudgingly, patronizingly says, “yeah, we wont let that happen.” It’s genuine awkwardness, and/or a coping mechanism to not let himself think about how bad it is (focus on the solution, not the problem, solve this one, and then the next, etc… he’d do a good job surviving alone on Mars, I think), and/or an attempt to keep Jask calm by not validating his panic, like how if you don’t make a big deal out of a kid’s scraped knee, sometimes then the kid doesn’t panic either and it’s fine.

And likely Jaskier has been his companion long enough to know some of that, maybe even to actually be comforted by Geralt’s lack of panic. Imagine how goddamn frightening it’d be if your super brave/tough/stoic friend actually looked scared.

(the line, when the elf dude starts talking about how in love with Yennefer Geralt must be, when Geralt says “you’re making me uncomfortable?” It’s definitely a funny line, but also it’s possibly genuine. Geralt genuinely expressing himself)

And then later in the episode, Jaskier delivers that line about “wait, is this the moment you decide to finally care about someone other than yourself?” We literally saw him drop everything, ride across the countryside (putting you on Roach, which he never does), seek help from several unknown sources, including this sketchy sorceress chick (and he admits to her and the audience that his concern over saving Jask’s life was such that he A: skipped the opportunity to seek help for his tortuous insomnia issue and B: was more than a bit willing to sell himself into indentured servitude/ something that looked a bit like prostitution)…

Like, fuck off, it’s clear he cares an awful lot about you Jask, and you have to know that. so are YOU being cruel back? or, are you playing along with what Geralt seems to be comfortable with, caring about you so long as neither of you look at that straight-on, or make him talk about it.

okay, so than the mountain-top divorce. like, Geralt’s p harsh through a lot of that episode, but there is a tiny bit of playfulness I think still in that dig about worthy travel companions. And if this is a method of talking to each other that they engage in regularly, that Jaskier willingly keeps subjecting himself to…

and then Jask comforts Geralt after the mountain crossing, and when he floats the bit about them traveling together again (maybe implying that these recent adventures are new-ish again, perhaps after a period of separation, perhaps Geralt is extra harsh… perhaps this is a normal-ish thing that Jask has noticed, that Geralt is always more brusque, more accidentally hurtful rather than just dry, right at the beginning or end of their travels together, a defense mechanism of sorts? protecting himself from the pain of separation he’s trying not to acknowledge even exists?) anyway, he floats the line, and I’m p sure Geralt nods.

Jaskier seems to know him pretty damn well.

So none of this makes what Geralt says not shitty, and not hurtful, but rather than let myself wallow in the idea that Jask is completely devastated, feels he’s wasted twenty years of his life on a person who is literally ready to throw him away…

Hopefully not. Hopefully he knows Geralt well enough not to… not to give him a pass, necessarily, Geralt def needs to learn from and atone for that really gross behavior… but enough to know that Geralt’s just very bad, unpracticed, and a bit oblivious when it comes to hurt feelings, to understand that Geralt’s just in a shitty toxic place, that it’s got nothing to do with Jask, that the best thing for all of them is for him to remove himself as a target and let Geralt sort his shit out in his own.

That Jask knows this is one of those times where he can trust his friend with his body, but not his feelings/heart.mind/energy, and he needs to take care of himself first.

So hurt, yeah, but not like devastated, knowing that Geralt didn’t mean his words, but did mean, in that moment, to hurt Jask genuinely and drive him off, not in the light-brusque-teasing way that they sometimes have between them. Knowing both that Geralt was reacting to Yennefer, to other hurts, not to Jask, but also knowing that Geralt was willing to put his own momentary vindictive satisfaction over Jaskier… and so knowing that is was time for them to part for a while, for his own sake. That pushing through at this time was gonna be more masochistic than beneficial or productive, so it was time to look after his own mental health.

Like, this is sort of a pattern I’ve seen in folks in the real world. There’s someone close to me who struggles with some nasty bipolar shit (he’s not found a good med combo for him yet, and even when he’s in a more healthy place, lots of his tools and learned behaviors are mostly crappy still from years of this barely coping while undiagnosed), and sometimes he’s cruel as hell, usually when he hates himself the most, and is lashing out partly in an attempt to get you to say nasty shit back, and justify both his resentment of you, and his belief that he is a worthless shitty person.

And when he’s in those periods, it behooves many of us to just… walk away. like, if you can be/are willing/able to be the person that supports someone through that kind of shit, that’s totes your call to make, and might be a really awesome thing for that person (and that’s where professional help and support can also be awesome! Ppl who have trained to be able to hear the bad shit without taking it personally, and to still be able to guide you to better tools afterwards!)

But sometimes, you also have to take your own health and energy and stuff into account and go “I know this person is being a cruel asshole because they are sick and/or hurting… but also I do not need to swallow the shit just cuz there’s an explanation. so imma peace out until they get their shit together a little more, and are gonna be less toxic/hurtful to me, stop taking it out on people. I can help them, maybe, but their mental health is NOT my sole responsibility, and I do a disservice to both of us if I decide it is, and abdicate personal responsibly for my OWN health in the process.” Put on your own mask first, and all that.

(I’ve seen this in alcoholics I know, as well, and the other side of that is letting them know “hey, I know you feel like you have no control, but one area where you do have some, is how you treat people. and if you’re acting like an asshole, then ppl won’t want to be treated that way. They aren’t leaving because You suck, they are leaving because Your Behavior sucks, and if you want to be around them in future, you should maybe work on your behavior. You are not inherently a Mean Person, but the things you do and say to people are Mean, and they don’t need to sit there and let themselves be abused” Like, it is possible to be ill, and make mistakes!, without being consistently cruel to folk.)

So, magical shenanigans and hissy-fits not a perfect analogy for BD, but it resonated a bit, so I figured I’d share

#witcher #witcher meta #my meta #asd!Geralt

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cathcacen · 7 years

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A twist on the one line prompt - for each prompt, assign an RP pairing. Can be canon or AU, from any generation, romantic or platonic (friendship or familial). : Dc

IF I COULD I WOULD JUST ANSWER ALL LEAREI AND ANGST NONSTOP HAHAHAHAHHAHA

But I will be good and do it properly. And because I am a sucker for headcanons, I will also add short descripts of when the sentences might be appropriate. XD

1. “Come over here and make me” - Dillon and Heulan NOTP, Raindrop Pendants; Dillon has Ora in a deathgrip, and Heulan will break bones to get his forever girl back.

2. “I trusted you!” - Ailey Fischer and Jamie Hayes OTP, Modern AU; Hayes gets drunk and cheats. Fischer forgives, eventually.

3. “Let’s go, right now, just You, and I” - Mae and Lars OTP, Raindrop Pendants: Westmarch Edition; Mae wants to visit the Eastern Jungles so he can discuss philosophy with the Priests of Rathma, and doesn’t want to leave his Girl Friday Lars behind.

4. “How can I hate someone so much, yet love them even more?” - Serrah and Samille BROTP, Raindrop Pendants: Westmarch Edition; Introducing two sisters, the misdeeds of the elder, and the effect it has on the younger.

5. “Please, just don’t leave me” - Lear and Rei OTP, Modern AU; Lear has to go back to work, and Rei wants him to stay. Obviously internalised begging here. Also drabble.

6. “I let her/him in, I don’t let people in” - LEAR AND REI OTP, MODERN AU; Lear has to go to work, and Rei wants him to stay. Lear realises all too late he’s allowed Rei to move into a tiny space in his heart, baggage and all.

7. “I almost lost you” - Heulan and Ora OTP, Raindrop Pendants; Ora falls into an ice lake. Despite protests, Heulan jumps in after her and gets her out. Also applicable to That Time Heulan Drained His Lifeforce Healing Ora While Fighting The Lord of Bloody Effing Sin.

8. “I’d wait forever, as long as I could be with you in the end” - Lear and Rei OTP, Modern AU; Lear has to go to work, but this time he promises Rei he’ll come home. Corresponding drabble.

9. “Do not make me break my word” - Leah and Lear NOTP, Raindrop Pendants; in which Lear continues to strain against Leah’s tight leash, and she threatens to oust him and his past misdeeds.

10. “Have you seen this?” - Theron and Renia OTP, Raindrop Pendants; Theron finds ‘adoptive flower child’ Heulan’s name among a list of dead post-war, and has to break the news to his wife.

11. “I always promised that I wouldn’t, but right now I can’t help myself.” - Niall and Serrah familyTP, Raindrop Pendants: Westmarch Edition; where Niall realises he can’t help but dad Serrah around. It gets harder to see her as an apprentice when the world gets darker and more dangerous, and all he wants to do is keep her safe.

12. “I’m only going to ask you once more” - Roethlis and Rei NOTP, Modern AU; Roethlis wants to know why Rei let his brother die. Trigger warning drabble.

13. “Just, do one last thing. Kiss me” - Niall and Lars BROTP/NOTP, Raindrop Pendants: Westmarch Edition; Niall wants to die with a kiss, but asks a friend’s wife to do the honours.

14. “Hey, I’m with you okay? Always” - Estarra and Tychol familyTP, Raindrop Pendants; Star kees her baby grandson safe from the visions that scare him, and teaches him how to make sense of those that have yet come to pass.

15. “We need to talk” - Cleunn and Lear familyTP, Raindrop Pendants; in which Cleunn tells his son in law off for neglecting himself.

16. “Are you jealous” - Lear, Haekel, and Marclai BROTP, Modern AU; where Lear tricks Marclai into doing some work for him, and taunts Haekel about his bff’s excellent help after.

17. “You did this, all for me?” - Haekel and Marclai BROTP, Modern AU; Haekel saved Marclai’s life okay and they will forever be BROTP full of love and fluffy fuzzy feels sobs.

18. “You need me just as much as I need you” - Mel and Mia BROTP, Raindrop Pendants: Westmarch Edition; Mel initially begrudges Mia her magic, but eventually comes to realise that nothing is worth losing the love of her twin and other half.

19. “Promise me” - Chryse and Mae familyTP, Raindrop Pendants: Westmarch Edition; Chryse has lost a daughter, and she needs her son to understand that he cannot come home in a box.

20. “I thought you loved me” - Lear and Rei OTP, Modern AU; Lear doesn’t come for Rei when she’s locked away, and it’s all she can do to keep it together as she whispers the words into the night.

21. “You don’t have any right to say that” - Theone and Mae BROTP, Raindrop Pendants: Westmarch Edition; Mae wants everyone to go home following the death of his baby sister, and Theone’s having none of that shit.

22. “No matter where you are, or who you’re with, I will always truly, completely, love you” - Mae and Lars OTP, Modern AU; where lovers separated by circumstances beyond their control will still love one another forever.

23. “Two can play at this game” - Theone and Mae BROTP, Raindrop Pendants: Westmarch Edition; These two are competitive as shit.

24. “You’re the only one I trust to do this” - Lear and Lars FamilyTP, Raindrop Pendants: Westmarch Edition; Lear trains a younger Lars how to scout, Ilvait-Sagen ‘I’m just a scout’ style. Lars graduates with flying colours.

25. “You think you’re the only one that’s suffering here?” - Lear and Silene NOTP, Raindrop Pendants; There’s a lot of yelling, and Strahan has to come break it up.

26. “Just do it!” - Theone and Lars BROTP, Raindrop Pendants: Westmarch Edition; Theone doesn’t understand why Lars doesn’t just tell Mae she’s in love with him. Theone also doesn’t understand why Mae hasn’t done the same.

27. “I’m pregnant” - Rauen and Ora/Heulan and Ora NOTP/OTP, Raindrop Pendants; After a night of pain, pleasure, and abuse with Rauen, Ora finds out she’s pregnant. Rauen’s out of the picture; best friend Heulan is furious and disappointed, but wants to dad the baby anyway.

28. “Marry me?” - Mae and Lars OTP, Raindrop Pendants: Westmarch Edition; in dire times, when Mae is busy sending everyone home, one person doggedly refuses to leave his side, where she’s been since the very beginning. He realises the only way to remember it himself is to take a leap of faith.

29. “I thought you were dead” - Renia and Ora familyTP, Raindrop Pendants; Renia welcomes Ora back into her home following Heulan’s untimely death and mothers her with all the determination of Molly Weasley.

30. “There was nothing between us. Just a weird friendship” - Lorcan and Ora BROTP/NOTP, Raindrop Pendants; In which everybody is surprised that Lorcan and Ora never banged or even made out despite having shared beds/cuddles, and have most likely seen each other naked.

31. “Nothing has ever scared me more than being with you” - Strahan and Silene OTP, Modern AU; Strahan doesn’t scare easy, but he finds himself terrified when Silene signs a DNR.

32. “I think I’m in love with you, and I’m terrified” - Strahan and Silene OTP, Raindrop Pendants; At least, that’s what he would’ve said or felt if they had the time to actually fall in love.

33. “I’m never going to leave you” - Heulan and Ora/Ora and Ceth OTP/FamilyTP, Raindrop Pendants; In which Heulan tells Ora he’ll always be with her, if not in person, then in spirit. Nine years later, Ora tells the same thing to her baby boy.

34. “If you keep looking at me like that we won’t make it to bed” - Lear and Rei OTP, Modern AU; Lear likes looking at his wife, and she loves when he touches, too.

35. “I can’t enjoy this bagel while you’re crying, so you better tell me what the matter is.” - Heulan and Ora OTP, Modern AU; Ora is pregnant and doesn’t know why she’s crying into her morning cereal, and Heulan thinks it’s because she’s still thinking about the bittersweet movie ending from last night.

36. “The sun could burn out, and the whole world could die, but I’d still be utterly in love with you” - Lear and Theone familyTP, Raindrop Pendants; Lear’s love for his baby girl knows no bounds.

37. “Just say it, once more” - Jamie Hayes and Rei BROTP, Modern AU; About the time Rei off-handedly mentions to Fischer that Hayes does the best grafting work of all their colleagues and he never lets her forget it.

38. “You fainted…straight into my arms. You know, if you wanted my attention you didn’t have to go to such extremes…” - Lear and Ora CrackTP/BROTP, Raindrop Pendants; Ora can’t stand the sight of demon skin, but Lear seems to find joy in throwing it at her.

39. “Hey! I was gonna eat that!” - Ora and Ceth FamilyTP, Raindrop Pendants; Ora steals Ceth’s cookie from his plate, and he gets upset. The next day, she buys her baby boy a whole jar of cookies as a peace offering and he shares half with her anyway.

40. “No one has ever made me feel more special than you have” - Lear and Rei OTP, Modern AU; Lear has a habit of being extra, planning exotic dates and weekend getaways when he isn’t working. It hurts all the more because Rei is fully aware she has no monopoly on his time and heart. Corresponding drabble.

41. “Stop complaining, you know you love it” - Rauen and Rei NOTP, Modern AU; in which Rauen likes telling Rei she loves it when he pretends to be the elusive Sagen.

42. “I’m fed up of your stupid games” - Karalir and Rei NOTP, Raindrop Pendants; Rei wants Karalir to know there’ll be hell to pay if he continues to hound her family. Karalir wins the fight, but eventually loses the war.

43. “You don’t have to change for me” - Mae and Lars OTP, Raindrop Pendants: Westmarch Edition; Weeks into an unconsummated marriage, a nervous and self-conscious Lars asks her new husband if he’s actually attracted to her physique.

44. “Will you just accept that I am hopelessly in love with you, and there’s nothing you can do that will change that” - Cel and Ceth OTP, Modern AU; Ceth is concerned for Cel’s sake, given his job in the military, but she refuses to back off and will love him to death - which comes too soon.

45. “I’ll get you back for that” - Yleris and Lear BROTP/NOTP, Raindrop Pendants; Yleris isn’t over his wife’s passing and takes it out on her work partner.

46. “I can’t believe we’re actually doing this” - Taranis and Deiadra OTP, Raindrop Pendants; On adopting four kids all at once.

47. “There’s something I need to tell you” - Ceth and Lars BROTP, Raindrop Pendants: Westmarch Edition; in which Ceth has to tell Lars for the third time in her life that her baby did not survive the womb.

48. “You think I need you? Because I don’t” - Lorath and Theone OTP, Raindrop Pendants: Westmarch Edition; in which Lorath tells Theone he doesn’t need her help, nor the strings her family’s wealth and resources come with. He eventually realises she doesn’t want him to owe her; she just wants a chance to show him who she really is, and if who she really is, is someone he might come to love.

49. “I could never get sick of you.“ - Shan and Chryse BROTP/OTP, Raindrop Pendants; Shan knows he has to say goodbye, but hot damn he’s so into Chryse and her general badassery.

50. “If you really love me, you’ll let me go” - Strahan and Rei FamilyTP, Raindrop Pendants; Strahan is hurting and he needs his baby sister to bring an end to the pain.

51. “Oh my god what happened?” Everybody and Mae BROTP, Raindrop Pendants: Westmarch Edition; in which the entire Westmarch and Sanctuary cumulatively turn to Mae to yell at him for venturing into some dark corner and getting hurt. “I found your cat, Lars!” He says.

52. “Who did this to you?” - Mae and Celandine FamilyTP, Raindrop Pendants: Westmarch Edition; Mae can take a lot of insults when they’re hurled at him, but when you hurt his baby sister, you die.

53. “Why is it always you?” - Mae and Lars OTP, Raindrop Pendants: Westmarch Edition; Lars wonders why Mae keeps popping up where she is, especially when he’s proven to be disinterested in any form of romance with her.

54. “You always say that, and you’re always wrong” - Chryse and Lochi OTP, Raindrop Pendants; Lochi doesn’t believe he can do better, and yet somehow always does when Chryse pushes him to the limit.

55. “I did not expect this” - Lear + Haekel and Marclai, Raindrop Pendants; In which Haekel and Marclai help Lear to get away from a life-threatening situation and succeed in keeping him alive.

56. “I told you this would happen” - Lear and Rei OTP, Raindrop Pendants; in which Rei tells Lear she’d known all along Heulan would yell at him for throwing demon skin at Ora and making her cry.

57. “It’s not my fault!” - Roethlis and Rei NOTP, Raindrop Pendants; Roethlis wants his cousin to know that what happened to her sister was a mistake.

58. “I didn’t do it!” - Taranis and Lars familyTP, Raindrop Pendants: Westmarch Edition; Taranis wants to know why three of his trainees can’t look him in the eye. He has a sneaking suspicion it has to do with why his daughter is nursing a swollen fist.

59. “Why are you looking at me like that?” - Ethan and Lear BROTP, Modern AU; Ethan doesn’t understand Lear’s obsession with chicken. Corresponding drabble.

60. “Give it back!” - Naled and Ceth FamilyTP, Raindrop Pendants; Ora brings baby Ceth to see his father’s father figure, and Ceth runs away with Naled’s string of beads. It’s all very cute, and when Ora leaves, she thinks she sees Naled wiping some tears away.

61. “I made a mistake. A huge mistake.” - Sehrai and Strahan NOTP, Modern AU; in which Sehrai realises all too late she wants her baby after all, but Strahan has had enough of her shit. Corresponding drabble.

62. “Just shut up and kiss me” - Lear with Kaunis, Eala, and Ensis NOTP, Raindrop Pendants; in which Lear has accrued a group of fangirls who want that sweet sweet lovin’. Rei is not impressed, and makes him kiss her if/when they run into these girls.

63. “That’s it, I can’t do this anymore” - Cel and Lars BROTP, Raindrop Pendants: Westmarch Edition; Cel comforts Lars when she doesn’t know what to do with the Mae situation, and can’t believe her ears when the girl bolts upright on the kitchen table and declares that she’s running away to Westmarch.

64. “I hate you so much” - Taranis and Mae familyTP, Raindrop Pendants: Westmarch Edition; Taranis eventually passes his hammer to Mae. It’s probably a love-hate relationship. The shackles that bind the General to Virkove aren’t exactly a gift.

65. “Because I love you god damn it!” - Chryse and Lochi OTP, Raindrop Pendants; Lochi has no idea why Chryse won’t just let him go home to a life of mundane drudgery.

66. “We shouldn’t be doing this” - Lear and Deiadra BROTP, Raindrop Pendants; Lear engages Deiadra to help him develop flammables to make things to boom. It doesn’t end well.

67. “What could go wrong?” - Taranis + Lear and Ora BROTP, Raindrop Pendants; Taranis makes Lear and Ora work together. Things explode. Cue Lear’s shit-eating grin: “Famous last words, Captain.”

68. “Wow, you’ve…changed.” - Haekel and Ora CrackTP, Raindrop Pendants; Ora runs into Haekel in Kurast some years after their initial flirtations, and he doesn’t recognise her at all. “How rude,” She says.

69. “We’re getting too old for this” - Taranis and Lear BROTP, Raindrop Pendants; Presumably after Lear pulls some shit that causes Taranis to chase him with murderous intent.

70. “i never stopped loving you, i just stopped showing it “ - Mae and Lars OTP, Modern AU; Lars will always love Mae, even if it breaks her heart to let him go. She can’t hold him back and doesn’t want to, after all. Corresponding drabble.

PHEW FINALLY DONE. This was fun! Also open for actual drabbling, if anyone is interested for these ships: Jonsa, Olicity, Zutara, Romanogers, Rumbelle, Philinda, Joanlock, Fitzsimmons, Outlaw Queen, Soueri, Takumegu, Bughead. Feel free to ask!

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meandmyechoes · 3 years

Text

The more I think about my first romance novel, the more I find something odd.

[28th March 17:46]

I keep referring to it as a ‘favourable experience’, and there is no question the writing is what made me fall totally head over heels about quin tress, but I also just, can't?

I mean, yes. It's very passionate, dramatic, scenes and gestures I can only dream of. And it's all very bisexual and fantastical of me. But I also, don't really see it in that 'omg they totally belong together here are my sixty headcanons of them' sense?

I am very involved in the pairing, but also don't really, actively 'ship' it — like the way I have the ability to with Rhayme or Latts (since it's the same author that indoctrinated me to Captain Rhayme). I could imagine them being happily ever after and silly shenanigans and slow-burn. But the concept of a quin tress fairytale ending is so wild. I can only ask if this has to do with my personal view on relationships. Does this tie back to how I say the hottest thing a heterosexual couple can do is fuck (and the spiritual experience is emphasized with a same-sex partner)? - anyway, ace brain (probably) speaking.

I know the plot leaves little room for 'the future' and fed me well on all tropes possible. But, it just never occurred to me to put them in any other clichés or invent a missing scene.

Winding up, I don't think their relationship is 'weak', but it's very motivated by circumstances and once you take that out of them, you are a little bit lost. For example even during the illicit affairs month, I… can't really propose one date that does not seem tonally insensitive. (I can think of them being cloak dorks and Vos bringing her to ice-cream, that's it, after a long hard moment) Really, all I possibly want is that sweet, sweet angst and canon is already there so I have no complaint.

It's just… I don't really get why it has to be the two of them that fall for each other. I understand why they did, and I believe it— Perhaps it's much more a physical attraction thing that I don't really have personal experience with.

I don't know if quin tress classify as slow-burn because 10 chapters still seem a little quick in the grand scheme of things. (aside: I'm quite disappointed Ventress wasn't doing much in the last quarter of the book.) My point is, they do feel a little bit puppet to tropes, and while it's deliciously written, there's not much potential outside of canon. And that lack of inspiration makes me grimace a little.

[3rd April, 01:39]

I’ve scrolled through the dd tag and let the book sank a little. I am better articulated to talk about the sexist criticism now.

It's a romance story, and when I judge it by that (lower) standard, it ticks the boxes. However, it might be a weakness as well, due to the projectability of the heroes. And yes, the whole assassination is dumb. Yet, tcw has been consistently this dumb at us. The last two times when she's more rooted in the dark she failed, sent Savage and failed, so she's gonna do it again with Vos… after she put down her desire for revenge. right. ans surprise! Our "assassination" plan is to find Dooku and duel him directly. right…

I've read a review that says the romance takes away from the plot. However, the romance IS the plot. The book IS supposed to revolve around the two of them. I do agree them becoming begrudging allies then partners is a more unique approach, more rewarding as foils as well. but I guess a romance is easier for the convention to process ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

With the "Ventress lose agency in falling for Vos". Now, I can't dictate how each of us buy into their physical attraction and chemistry (or lack thereof), and there's no denial that a conscious human being is making that choice for the fictional character, I think the stance on this topic is really tinted by the above two factors, which are very different starting points.

I kept Katie. Lucas's foreword vividly in mind while reading. She said this is a story about people seizing chances to rebuild. That there's always a choice. Cliché as it is, I believe ~the power of love~. I believe there exists someone you're willing to sacrifice everything for, to overlook everything for, to forgive - to love them, warts and all. So, yes whether you think Ventress loses her agency to the romance, or if that's a conscious choice on her behalf, is swayed heavily by how much you buy that they are the one.

[10th April, 10:30]

So Mr. Partner has finished the book too. He didn't offer particular insights, but we discussed briefly the overall pace and bits of characterization. He did made me rolled with laughter describing Vos through a childish, tropey lens. Regarding the topic of this documentation - the quin tress relationship, I've been more or less really enjoying it as a guilty pleasure. I don't read romance novels at all, and this is tooth-rotting sweet angst.

It's very nostalgic to indulge in a heterosexual relationship, and pair it up with taylor swift songs. If I have a boyfriend as devoted as Vos, I'd fall one hundred percent. And if I'm faced with an bombshell like Ventress, I would not be able to have any agency I swear. Either way, in my headcanon, Ventress is happily away on adventures with Lassa :3

To explore this, it’s not entire impossible for quin tress to separate peacefully after this incident, but would that cheapen the build before? The entire motivation of dark!Quinlan hinges on his vision of their future. And say, Ventress did saved him and survived. How would he balance being a Jedi and his feelings - that’s publicly exposed to the Council? (sidenote: i really don’t like Ch. 27 where a bunch of old men are questioning their love life, but uhhh yes, I’m a sensible person!) For now, I’m seeing another Obitine situation. And honestly how bad that an outcome is. It’s not like Ventress died for her war crimes! The show gave her a full pardon! So Idk man. Why can’t she leaves him because she loves him and she exiled herself and they never see each other again WHY NOT FILONI WHY NOT.

Now I’m lamenting more what could’ve been with the two arcs. In Filoni’s original sketch, Aayla and Maul were involved. Man, that could’ve been the dream. I skipped to translating the last two chapters and all the way I was just fuming at how stupid it was. There are difficult technical terms but I really enjoy voicing the characters. But it just takes away bit of that formality and Shakespearean tragic factor having them talk in my native tongue???? haha

Prelude: [12th March 22:37]

since dark disciple heteronormatively gave Rhayme and Ventress boyfriends, I'm gonna go ahead and sign the charter that says "all sw characters are bi"

which got me thinking, I insist that Quinlan and Ventress must fuck (and I insist they did, with the implication from when Quinlan "had seen her by starlight, just her"), but why didn't I think that way with Rhayme and her? Maybe it's because the story never pushed me there. I'd wish it indeed have more to do with I'm aspec than internalized homophobia (that I look down on everyone), but I also think, fucking is literally the hottest thing a heterosexual relationship can do? Every selling point, either be appearance or intellect, leads up to the ultimate goal of reproduction?

But oh my god, space lesbians, beating up pirates, sharing a wine, teasing hairs and finger tips. That's so goddamn romantic

[edit: i know that is an extremely skewered and unfair view, but i’ve met maybe, one, boy on my intellectual level. it’s a game of probability ok]

~~~

Part 2: [26th April, 15:15]

It has been… a month, since I finished Dark Disciple and I feel like it’s time to conclude all the thinking this book has made me do.

On the wider reflection about attachment and the Order, I still have to do more reading on it to form a concrete opinion. This theme won’t be touched on in this post yet, but I cannot shake how intriguing it is to compare “falling” in love to falling to the dark side. The temptation, and the submission to their emotions, the irrationality, the newfound curiosity, it all incites. Very curiously, it was Anakin. Skywalker who commented that one is “blinded by love”

Okay, so what I’ve been scratching my head off the past two weeks is how I look at the romance between Asajj. Ventress and Quinlan. Vos. How would I define it?

Both are things I want a lot, and the ideal is of course one after the other. What quin tress had (in the end) is definitely not something I’d want for myself, but it’s so fantastical, it’s alluring, just like the concept of falling in love - opening up yourself and trusting another person, is - it’s risky. That’s why it’s a sweet, sweet drug.

Aside, the elephant was I’ve never been in a relationship or felt physically attracted to any person in my life. I suppose that’s a reason it took some time for me to really buy into them more than friends. I do accept the premise and I did discover they share quite a bunch of traits, but it confused me a while what made them cross the boundary, and it was, physical attraction (that the book was selling so hard I was blushing hot). But what really frustrates me, not that I couldn’t invest into two paper people’s love story, but was why my body is governed by hormones so bad. I could say things I wouldn’t dare depending on the day of the month. I have to be honest, I love them both a lot, and I would like to date them both, and I can see myself in either of them. Again comes another contradiction, is it a good thing to have characters so easily projectable, or do I want to see myself in more complex characters like them?

I probably lost quite a few cars stalling this train of thought. This book brought me a lot of emotional upheavals and a lot of food for thought. It brought me down to reflect on my romantic worldview and sexuality because I have nothing better to do. It totally challenged me as a writer and it’s just a really good novel by its right, regardless of the absurdity that is The Clone Wars. It’s a lot of firsts for me. And I really should find something better to do.

#echoesdiary

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