#I’m a worthless idiot who probably isn’t gonna fail math but is gonna do just poorly enough that it’s embarrassing to be struggling so much
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#vent#i really thought I was doing better#I’d been feeling ok. Not good but ok.#and now I’m back in my fucking rut#I had a panic attack last night#and I’ve spent most of today either crying or stuck in executive dysfunction#and I haven’t studied nearly enough for my math final and I hate myself for it#I feel useless#and I’m stuck sitting here knowing that even if I get through this it’s only gonna get worse!#I’m going full time next semester (the thing that. yknow. made me suicidal the first time) and winter break doesn’t seem like a reprieve#only a delay of the inevitable#and it doesn’t even feel like Christmas anyway so what’s the fucking point#I’m a worthless idiot who probably isn’t gonna fail math but is gonna do just poorly enough that it’s embarrassing to be struggling so much#why do I want to die. I have an 80. I probably won’t fail the class#but I’m not doing bad enough to justify the way I feel and that makes it even worse#anyway sorry for venting I’m gonna go try to cbt myself into not being depressed#I just needed to get things off my chest#See y’all in a couple days
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