#I’m just gonna speak into my empty ampitheater cuz I’m tired of the quiet

[cazzle-dazzle]

Y’know, I realize I’ve been overthinking this whole fandom & being on social media thing.

Lately, I’ve been bouncing between a lot of short-living hyperfixations and I started to get stressed over it. When I was younger, I’d only have a few, long-lasting interests but as I grew up and had more access to media, I got way more interests and spent less time with them

As someone who’s been thriving on the consistency of having an interest last multiple months to a couple years, the recent constant jumping between fandoms has been getting overwhelming. I’ll get really interested in a thing, want to dive headfirst into everything about it, then not two weeks later I’ve moved on.

The problem’s made worse by that fact that I don’t stop liking the previous interest. I had some love for this thing but it didn’t go away when I found a new thing! So now I feel bad about neglecting the first thing, while also being really occupied with the new thing. I want to just put a pin in the earlier fixation so I can come back to it and all the love I left with it.

But then there’s the fandom aspect. The fandom doesn’t put the interest on pause, they keep up with every little thing about the media so when I come back to it, I’ve fallen behind (and probably got exposed to spoilers, regardless of if I block tags). This gets frustrating after a while and during that time, I’ve just been adding and putting pins in more and more medias and I feel so far behind on everything that I’m not really enjoying any of them.

I guess tonight I kinda snapped and realized I really need to chill tf out

I’m here for fun. I’m on this hellsite to interact with stuff that makes me happy. This isn’t a class where I need to get a good grade in tumblr blog

So fucking what if I haven’t listened to the most recent episode of dndads. And I need to stop myself from even trying to come up with a justification or explanation as to why I haven’t yet. “Oh I don’t really want to keep listening now that Hermie’s dead” “Oh I’ve just been stressed and don’t have the mental space for that” STFU. STOP IT. YOU DONT NEED A REASON. You haven’t watched it, then you haven’t watched it. And that’s FINE!! There is nothing wrong about that! I can still be a fan of dndads and not be caught up. Hell, I don’t even need to stick with S2 if I really don’t want to. Even though I loved S1, even though I liked the first chunk of S2, even if I want to listen to it again, I don’t need to listen now. It’s ok.

I think about making up a list of the fandoms I’m in, but this kinda thing always prevents me from doing so cuz I just get too overwhelmed. What if I write it down but then move on?

Well fuck it, you can delete it later & update it. It doesn’t matter if I jump around between interests, I’m a content-consuming machine and it’s ok that I’m just snacking on 20 different things instead of sticking to one lasting meal. None of it means I’m not enjoying what I’m currently eating

Rn I’m crunching on the magnus archives, so far I’m almost at the end of season 3. It’s pretty good, I’m having fun listening to it while I play pokemon or Stardew valley, even though I end up tuning out half of the episode stories. I’m mainly here for the overall plot that gets thrown in with the supplementals & stuff.