#I’m probably going to get reported and shadowbanned for this — there goes my clout | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

byakuyasdarling · 1 year

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I love how I was finally starting to recover and my dad says that as of next week I’m not allowed to draw anymore between 8am-3pm and can only do “productive things”. Like what? I don’t have a job. It was the only thing that was keeping me productive and happy. I know it’s not taken away from me completely but those are big hours for me.

And I don’t think I need to explain how art is so emotionally important to me.

#yay I am back to being fucking miserable and wanting to kill myself every 5 seconds! I’m not even joking!#I want to fucking rip my limbs apart is the most violent way conceivable.#but I will internalise this urge because people really don’t like me when I’m weird and suicidal!! people ojly want to see me at my best.#*only//#maybe not anymore. maybe not you all #but my family does. they want the old me back. I can’t be her anymore.#I will not do it because I will be in so much trouble.#I’m probably going to get reported and shadowbanned for this — there goes my clout #but I’m too - idk what to call it — dissociated to care #I will tag this in hopes of not triggering others #tw s/h #s/h tw #tw s/h mention #s/h mention tw #vent tw #tw vent #tw sui ideation #sui ideation tw #tw negative #negative tw #parental mention #ask to tag #I could conceivably rally my family against it but he wouldn’t listen and I’ll be told to shut up and stop telling others and obey.#I remember when things used to be good.#I’ve been fucking coerced into a position where I need a job badly and will take up literally anything #tw self harm #self harm tw #cw self harm #self harm cw

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