#I’ve watched the movies like casually-in-the-background a couple times so I know the approximate plot

[jorvikzelda]

I started reading Lord of the Rings (bought Fellowship of the Ring like… last spring but never got around to starting) and I’d just like to say. Holy fuck what a slow book. You mean to tell me I’m over a hundred pages in and this man is only just leaving the Shire? Sign me up for MORE I love this shit. Tolkien said “I will take exactly as much time as I want to describe things and you will like it”. AND I DO

[romcomathon2016]

How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days (USA, 2003)

This week, not a special bonus edition of Romcomathon, but a regular edition featuring a special bonus GUEST!!!! Our friend Tillery passionately loves this movie, so we simply had to invite him to join us for this entry. In Tillery's own words, "You know how people have seen Star Wars like 20 times, and everyone talks about the movie that they've seen the most? This is the movie I've seen the most. I was once dumped on my birthday, but the actual worst thing that's ever happened to me was my disappointment that Fool's Gold was not a worthy follow-up to this movie." Tillery wanted to dress up for this event but, sadly, discovered that a Knicks jersey was probably too expensive an item to purchase for this one-off activity. Nor did he bring us a love fern. Shame on him.

Predictions: The three of us have all seen this movie several times. In fact, when Tillery eagerly accepted our invitation to join for movie night, he asked if he should bring the DVD or if we already had a copy, and we were like, “HAHAHAHAHAHAHA, in fact we already have two copies, thanks.” We predict that we will have a great time watching this film.

"For some reason I was thinking it was only 90 minutes, and I'm so happy that it's an hour and 55." -- Tillery, seeing the run time at the bottom of the screen.

Plot: First of all, if you haven't seen this movie, you really should. This movie is fantastic. It is funny. It is charming. It is incredibly well-constructed. BUT FINE, WE'LL TELL YOU WHAT HAPPENS IN IT. (Tillery: "Even though you should already be watching it right now.")

Kate Hudson is a ~*~serious reporter~*~ who happens to currently work at, well, Cosmo, essentially, under Bebe Neuwirth, who insists that she write only frivolous "How To" articles, while Kate Hudson would prefer to be bringing peace to Tajikistan. Because that's what Tajikistan needs: a "How To" article. But one day, Kate Hudson's excessively pathetic friend/coworker Kathryn Hahn gets dumped yet again, because she is leading her excessively pathetic life in what appears to be an old lady's apartment (clearly murdered someone and stole their identity AND THEIR CLOTHES) and doesn’t know how to not terrify men, and Kate Hudson has a stroke of inspiration. Her next article will be “How To Kathryn-Hahn Your Way Out Of A Relationship,” or, as Bebe Neuwirth more succinctly names it, "How To Lose A Guy In 10 Days."

Enter Matthew McConaughey, an ambitious advertising executive who's looking to stop selling athletic gear and start selling ~*~DIAMONDS~*~. He somehow finds his way into a bet with his boss (and his one-dimensional conniving colleagues) that he can make any woman fall in love with him, because APPARENTLY that is precisely the skill one needs to successfully advertise diamonds. Bit of a leap in logic? Sure. But we must accept this premise in order to move forward with this charming film, and so we shall.

That night, at the bar, both Kate Hudson and Matthew McConaughey are scoping for prey. With a little nudge from Conniving Colleague #1, they find each other. They immediately hit it off and spend the rest of the evening together, during which they hatch their respective plans. Matthew McConaughey is playing the slow game, if you can call falling in love in 10 days slow. Kate Hudson intends to transform into a crazy person the very next day, driving him away as quickly as she can. Shenanigans ensue, for approximately the next week. Kate Hudson gets more and more psychotic, to the point that, if we were Matthew McConaughey, we might pursue a restraining order or seek to have her seen by a physician, while Matthew McConaughey does everything possible to accommodate her, including accompanying her to a Celine Dion concert and allowing her to name his penis. Yikes.

Eventually, Matthew McConaughey reaches his breaking point, and they almost break up, but then his coworkers persuade him to hang in there -- just four more days!!!! They go to couples therapy at Kathryn Hahn's apartment, and Fake Dr. Kathryn Hahn, to Kate Hudson's horror, encourages them to visit his family in Staten Island.

♫ Staten Island, where people fall in love! ♫

On Staten Island, we meet Matthew McConaughey's family, which is weird, because his accent up to this point would have led us to believe his family was in Texas. His mom also sounds pretty Southern. Where is this family from?? Maybe they...recently moved???? These linguistic quirks, however, do not bother Kate Hudson, who quickly bonds with his family over a game of Bullshit. "Oh no!" Kate Hudson realizes. "I'm lying to all these generous-spirited blue-collar folks!" And then a montage, in which she appears to have dropped her psychotic personality entirely, and falls in actual love with Matthew McConaughey. Kissing!

At the end of the weekend, however, they must return to the city, where their 10 days is up. Matthew McConaughey invites Kate Hudson to the...diamond party???? while Kate Hudson tries to persuade her boss to let her off the hook on the article. No such luck, of course. Bebe Neuwirth is a professional, and so are you, Kate Hudson. #journalistic integrity

Nonetheless, they attend the diamond party, and things seem to be going well at first. Matthew McConaughey's boss (a love expert, apparently) meets Kate Hudson and confirms that she is indeed in love with Matthew McConaughey, although she tries to deny it, because she knows that falling in love with someone after 10 days is utter insanity. Enraged by Matthew McConaughey's happiness and success, Conniving Colleagues #1 and #2 then trick his dumb coworkers into discussing the bet WITH KATE HUDSON. WHY SO DUMB, DUMB COWORKERS???? At the same time, an unwitting Bebe Neuwirth tells Matthew McConaughey what Kate Hudson is up to. Matthew McConaughey and Kate Hudson are both mad and make a ginormous scene, including an off-key duet of "You're So Vain." Kate Hudson storms off, and all is lost.

Soon after this, Kate Hudson turns in her article to Bebe Neuwirth. She has written the whole story, including the twist ending of, gee, maybe one shouldn’t casually torment others for magazine research. Bebe Neuwirth LOVES IT!!!! but she still won't let Kate Hudson write about Tajikistan, so Kate Hudson quits. Matthew McConaughey, magically basically at the exact right moment, reads this article and realizes that Kate Hudson really did love him. WELL, THEN. HE HAD BETTER LEAVE WORK AND RUSH TO HER SIDE IMMEDIATELY. What?? She's no longer employed at Essentially Cosmo???? She’s moving to DC?? He must chase her cab through New York City, dangerously bang on her window from his moving motorcycle, and force the poor cabbie to pull over so he can declare his love on the side of a bridge!!!! Yup. He does that. And then, they are together and everything is perfect, except for that poor cabbie, who has to just hang out while these two idiots work out their feelings.

Best Scene: The three of us are all huge fans of the Staten-Island sequence. Kat and Alex's favorite part is the shower scene, in which Kate Hudson talks about her feelings, and then they make out. Tillery, on the other hand, wept (twice -- we did some instant replay) at the Bullshit scene preceding this, when Matthew McConaughey's blue-collar mom hugs Kate Hudson and tells her not to break Matthew McConaughey's heart. (Apparently, prior to this moment, Kate Hudson had not considered that he was a human being who might have feelings. What a beautiful sociopath.) Non-Staten-Island runner-up: the scene where Kate Hudson attacks Matthew McConaughey and names his penis. So funny, you guys. So insane, but so funny.

Worst Scene: Because all the bizarre shit that happens in this movie is fairly well-justified, there really aren't any full scenes that we don't like, but there was a moment in the bar when Matthew McConaughey was unnecessarily rude about a fat girl. We did not like that.

Best Line: "Tone-deaf and drunk is not a good combination." -- Matthew McConaughey's coworker, cringing at the Matthew McConaughey/Kate Hudson duet. Runner-up: "Our kids are really...attractive." -- Matthew McConaughey, when Kate Hudson shows him the truly horrifying, Photoshop-composited faces of their future children. Not so much the line itself, but the combination of the visual and the delivery. Is pretty fabulous.

Worst Line: Besides the fat-shaming moment we already mentioned, pretty much every line of this movie is fucking amazing. Even the side characters have such fantastic little zingers. We maybe did get a teeny, tiny bit embarrassed for Kate Hudson when she said, "I meant every word," near the end on the bridge, but, even that, we were mostly willing to buy.

Highlights of the Watching Experience: "This man won an Oscar." -- Alex, marveling (not for the first time on this blog) at Matthew McConaughey's, you know, existence. "If comedies were more respected, his role in this deserves an Oscar." -- Tillery, in response. "Look at these two Knicks lunatics!" -- Alex, appreciating Matthew McConaughey and Kate Hudson's obvious compatibility. "Yes, they belong together. No one else wants these people." -- Tillery, in response, really earning his nonexistent fee for being here tonight.

How Many POC in the Film: Kate Hudson's upbeat coworker. One of Matthew McConaughey's conniving colleagues. Various people at newsstands, in kitchens, on the street, and at the party. Most of the Knicks.

Alternate Scenes: This movie is perfect as it is. However, we would be curious to see a 2017 adaptation, in which Kate Hudson, instead of moving to DC, just goes home and starts a blog. We would also watch a sequel about Kate Hudson and Matthew McConaughey's domestic bliss, but only if it featured a scene in which Kate Hudson discovered blogging in approximately 2005.

Was the Poster Better or Worse than the Film: Worse. The poster begs the question of why you would put a blonde person in a yellow dress against a yellow background. The movie shows us that, in fact, blonde Kate Hudson, at least, looks amazing in this yellow dress. Also, as Tillery helpfully points out, the tagline on this poster is, "One of them is lying. So is the other," which, seriously. This could be the tagline for almost any movie.

Score: 10 out of 10 ~*~serious reporter~*~ smooches. This movie, you guys!!!! Kate Hudson is fantastic. Matthew McConaughey is fantastic. And they are both such appropriately motivated people, with non-romantic goals that come PERFECTLY into conflict. It's amazing.

Ranking: 2, out of the 76 movies we’ve seen so far!!!! It was surprisingly close, dear readers, between this and Bridget Jones's Diary! We’ve always loved this movie, but doing such a detailed watch-and-commentary on it really highlighted for us anew how perfect it really is. Let’s say “really” some more. Really.

Thanks for joining us, Tillery! If any of our readers would like to further read Tillery's hilarious commentary on the world, he can occasionally be found on Twitter. Follow him, guys! He is a delight. Also, if you invite him over to watch a movie, he'll probably cry. If only Titanic were a romantic comedy -- he would 1000% be our first choice as a guest on that entry.