#I'VE ACED SEXUALITIES WHICH IS WHY GOD PUT ME ON THIS EARTH

[i-have-dots-in-my-brain]

ayup mates, its me (that one fucking guy that shows up in your fever dreams to offer you garlic bread then fucks off into the void) (i think you need to get a therapist btw)

Call me dots or dot (not correct but when saying something belongs to me you use "dot's". idk why don't ask me)

My cara page (for art): https://cara.app/ihavedotsinmybrain

They/them she/her it/its ( welcome to the mad lab we do experiments with the funny goofy hjinks with the genders here)

TAG GUIDE : my art (self explanatory), dot's thoughts (mad ramblings) (extra note, there are two versions of dot's thoughts, the other one is with the phone version of ' so you can go look for that if you wanna see me posting from outside the comfort of my room and computer), dot’s travel journal (me on holiday), my persona (obviously just my persona) *prone to updates

dumbass who likes to draw ocs and shit. (posts like there is no tomorrow but also like i have all the time in the world) (oc x canon stuff also) (some fanart ig)

if you wanna find my (mostly serious) art, check out @dots-in-my-head (send me asks and dms on this blog) also i have started putting fandom stuff there too so if you want to get my fandom doodles you can look to there as well

still questioning sexuality but currently aro/ace? (idk i'm not in a rush lol) (i WILL dabble in the arts of questioning me sexuality on internet if you got problems with that shoo)

my loveley husband (@octoxxt, pls ignore this blog dude its embarrassing)

why do you need to know my age, ‘you a cop?

will not draw smut or NSFW bcs i will start howling with racous laughter and melt. (i don;t even read smut in fic dude what do expect me to be able to draw im a cartoonish obviously anime style inspired semi-realism but not really shitty doodle artist you put your hopes too high if you think i can draw a dick without making it look like a piece of middle school desk graffiti)

i've got a bit of a dirty mouth but everything is pretty vanilla . (i make edgy dumb jokes sometimes, but it's not my actual personality peace 'n love on planet earth okay) (any time i say i wanna kms IT IS A JOKE) (most of my posts are /srs i will mark it if its a joke i know the pain of not knowing if it was a funny joke or not i gotchu other autistic peeps)

please talk to me god i am lonely (i am serious about this i love it when people rb and scream in the tags it genuinely makes my day) (send me asks send measkssendmeaskssendmeasks—)

Absolute art machine(whether the art is good or not is a big question that i am not ready to answer) makes shitty animations sometimes idk.

Uses lol too much. Chinese, knows mandarin (translate the random messages for maximum brain damage) i don't know simplified but i do know traditional (please talk to me i need to practice my chinese reading skills) am i a furry? idk but if you're mad about it you can fuck right off (i have a couple ocs and my darling fursona)

am currently inbetween fandoms, fandoms i am (kind of) active in are hetalia, scp, dnd, genshin, pjo, bg3, apothecary diaries, jrwi riptide and csm (list is prone to updating because fandom is my support system) (you wont see my art for most of them but the brainworms are there and sometimes i let them take over)

old fandoms or the fandoms i lurk in (i visit them often): eddsworld, demon slayer, pokemon, vocaloid and wof. (also prone to updates as i remember stuff)

note : i am still in school and have a life outside the internet so stuff will be delayed (which is why i am only kind of active) (i go missing sometimes i am not dead life is just lifing for me)

Do not say anything about how cringe I am I know trust me (it’s a coping mechanism lol)

if you're concerned, you're very right to be. I am very incoherent (most of my life updates have actually devolved into cries for help, please talk to me)

also if you don't like my art or ships just leave(any critique about anything i make shoots a bazooka straight into my heart and behind the screen i crumble into a cartoonish pile of ashes and bones as i stare at the screen blurred by tears) (unless I ask for critique then i brought this on myself and i’ll walk it off don't worry)

(Both of my personas)

My flags (might be updated)

[yellowocaballero]

6, 7, 18 :V

What is your darkest fear about writing?

Oh god uh uh uh

I worry my stuff is bad, like literally everybody else. I get stressed out when I feel like I just can't make the story work, when it just has way too many flaws, or when I feel like I just can't reach the level that I want to reach. It frustrates me and I definitely vent to friends that I'll never be good enough for myself and my own standards.

But that's just frustration. That's my shit self-esteem and my bad habit of wanting things to be perfect without putting the effort in. I WISH I was a perfectionist. That's a huge part of my psyche that I have to manage in every aspect of my life.

That's not fear. Fear is anticipation of negative consequences. Fear is 'I'm terrified this'll happen, because then X Y and Z will happen'. These consequences can be physical - I'll flunk, I'll get rejected, I'll crash the car - or they can be emotional - she'll hate me, he'll be disappointed in me, they'll dump me, I'll hate myself. There's, like, stakes.

There's no stakes in my writing? If I post a fic and it gets no hits, then I've lost exactly nothing in this process. If I write a fic and it's terrible, then I'll get really frustrated and go cool off and then go back to writing something better. Worst case scenario with my writing is...?!...my friends will think it's bad..?!...I don't know. That I'll never be good enough...? I will never, ever be good enough for myself, this is a me problem that has little to do with my writing. This is why I write to destress. Everything's made up and the points don't matter?

(This is why I'll never be a professional writer, for what it's worth - hugely rooting for your success in that aspect).

What is your deepest joy about writing?

I sometimes get extremely nice comments about how much a story meant to them. That is always so wonderful, they are very meaningful to me. I also sometimes get comments that I have made somebody realize that they are ace/trans/has made them quit their job, which are the ABSOLUTE BEST. I love talking about my writing and discussing it with other people, and I achieve this through writing stuff that is hopefully good enough that I can make other people care about it. It's hugely rewarding and feels wonderful & it makes me happy to know that I brighten days. The best part of fanfiction is the friends I make through fanfiction.

But my actual joy is - I don't know, just in the writing. When I'm wading through a scene and I just really love the scene, and I feel like a freaking genius, and I can't type fast enough to keep up with my brain. When the image is incredibly vivid in my mind and I'm feeling everything in the scene, and it's coming out even more beautiful than in my head. When I'm, like, ALMOST THERE. Writing a sentence and going 'that's the EXACT right sentence' or writing a line of dialogue that is so clever or writing a joke that is just so funny. When everything is just right and I'm just having a complete blast, and then I go brag to my friends about how smart I am. I just like doing it.

18. Choose a passage from your writing. Tell me about the backstory of this moment. How you came up with it, how it changed from start to end. Spicy addition: Questioner provides the passage.

This post is already pretty long, so I'll attempt to be laconic.

I like Wolverine , Khonshu said wistfully. 

“Damn, then go staple yourself to his adamantium skeleton. Their crusade’s a waste of time. This ain’t a team-up issue, it’s a multiversal mistake.” Jake snorted softly, flexing his hands inside his hoodie pockets. “Mark my words, Boss. Day after tomorrow my knife’s going to find that kid’s heart. He’s going to die because our little justice system’s fucked up, because he made the shit choices a shit situation gave him, and because the keepers of the peace like us care more about justice than what’s right. And the same thing’s gonna happen next month, and the next month, and the next month. ‘Cuz there’s nothing cruel or unusual about state-sanctioned serial killing. How’s that for your piping hot pie of justice?”

The entire process of trying to make Jake was complicated enough, and he changed a tremendous amount through conceptualizing him. I hadn't intended to have him in the scene - I actually never intended to do a Jake POV until the final scene - and him becoming a major character actually fucked some stuff up. But I just liked my brand new OC so much he started eating up word count (The joy of Jake Dialogue is real). He was going to be a bit more unhinged until I wrote the passage, really loved it, and swerved hard in this direction.

This passage is to blame for a lot of that, because it cemented Jake as: an astute outside observer of the situation, a mouthpiece for the justice-themed moral, keenly intelligent, a kinda spicy fourth wall breaker, pretty hilarious, uncontrollable, pettily cruel, and bugfuck insane.

Anyway I actually just bring up this passage because I read The New Jim Crow in prep for this story and somehow Jake became the character in universe who's read The New Jim Crow. I also re-read all of She-Hulk 1989, and although Shulk was always gonna be 4th-walley it somehow became INCREDIBLY funny to have Jake be the only other 4th wall breaker just because he is bugfuck. I also watched many telenovela recaps and none of them made it in except for the general vibe of extreme drama.

Thanks for the ask!