#I'd beg her to do medical malpractice on me

[sectionable]

Big angry rant ahead.

Medical stuff, family stuff.

My doctor is starting to dismiss me and not take me seriously. She is missing something and I know it. I'm having sudden neurological symptoms, breathing problems, and signs of infection, but she is not in any rush to figure things out.... It feels like she has already run out of ideas and is giving up after some blood tests and an xray.

I was exposed to mouse droppings so I let her know, and she told me there is "not a way to test for these other exposures." The CDC website says there are ways to test for hantavirus/lepto/lymphocytic choriomeningitis, which all fit my symptoms and location, and can be very serious. I can't stand up for myself, I can't question her, because I know believe if I get on a doctor's bad side they will become even more dismissive and I'm frankly more likely to die of medical negligence or malpractice.

So then later I was crying and practically begging my dad for help regarding what to do next, and my dad kinda shrugged at me, stared at me blankly and repeated "I don't know, I'm not a doctor", and took on a frustrated tone with me as I was barely holding myself together and mansplained infection transmission to me, told me I'd "have to be exposed to urine or something" (no fucking shit, Sherlock). I finally snapped and said, "are you listening to me? I'm not asking you to be a doctor. I'm not stupid, don't treat me like I'm stupid". So he then yelled at me for "jumping down [his] throat just because [he] said something obvious," and told me he was refusing to speak about it anymore while I continued to cry due to my previous medical PTSD, fever, pain, and fear for my life from this illness.

Fucking awesome. Why can't my father be an adult and a parent for once in his life? Why can't he be there for me when things are difficult? Why do I have to take care of his feelings over mine all the time? Why can't he show me some fucking compassion? And why did my mother defend him and basically excuse his behavior as cluelessness? Why why why