#tw swearing

[incorrectbatfam]

Which batkids would sell Bruce for One Direction

Bruce wakes up at 9 AM to all of his kids screaming "GET YOUR ASS OUT OF THE ROOM!" He changes into a simple turtleneck, slacks, and million-dollar watch. He lets his messy onyx hair fall messily as he admires himself in front of the mirror. He is a plain, boring 45-year-old man with a massively jacked build that no one except his bullies notice because he's so unpopular. As he makes his way downstairs, Jason demands a beer, which Bruce obediently brings him. At breakfast, Tim breaks the news to him. "We need money so we're selling you to some guys." Bruce argues back and Dick says, "Shut up, we're sick of you." The doorbell rings and Damian excitedly opens the door. Standing there are 5 attractive young men. The one with curly dark hair steps forward, smiling. "'Ello love, my name's Harry. This is Louis, Zayn, Liam, and Niall. You'll be living with us."

[viktoriamagrey]

There is! Mine happened immediately after I was seriously contemplating suicide, so... It's just called deciding to live.

Or, living on purpose, as I like to call it. By choice. Ironically, looking back, I think the sense of agency it gave me came FROM the fact that I felt that moment I could end my life whenever I liked. It became something tangible; real. And then came the other realization: If dying's a choice, then every moment I choose NOT to end my life is a choice. Agency, too. Why am I not dead? Because I have chosen not to die. Knowing I could give up any second was part of what made it worthwhile to give it one more shot, because what do I have to lose? Nothin'. I could die, any point, any day, any time. It's not hard. I can do it, if I want to. So, fuck it. Let's give it one more shot.

Well. It worked.

At this point in my life, I don't consider myself to be here because someone put me here. Or because someone made me. I'm not alive because I was born. I'm alive because I have CHOSEN to be. So I can't get mad. I can't say I don't know what I signed up for. I'm almost just a week away from my birthday, more than four years from that day, and I regret nothing. Because I think there's a point in somebody's life where they must choose to live by choice. I don't know when that is. I don't think everyone will do it.

But it can happen. For sure.

[droppingneedlesembroidery]

30 Shades of F--K by MaSandraGifts

[proxycrit]

Day 36- Necluda Depths

(The Skulltalos is a fan made boss monster designed by yours truly, because the lack of variety in the Depths saddens me.)

The depths are chock full of botanical wonders and amazing beasts! Sometimes too amazing. The Yiga clan and our two heroes may absolutely loathe each other, but the giant spiders really put your priorities back in order.

(This totk rewrite au is called Familiar Familiar! It all starts when Zelda doesn’t get sent back in time.)

((Wanna support me? Check out my patreon, with my throw away sketches and references! Remember to use web or android folks, apple charges 30 percent tax.))

[one-time-i-dreamt]

My town got nuked and they still made us go to school, and when we tried to leave, they just fucking shot us.

[babyboobeth]

am i your shitty meme translator now babe? you know im autistic too right? /silly im guessing it has something to do with sucking the straw, pursing your lips or not holding the glass "Like a MAN >:3" also if thats beer than yes using a straw is gay /t

[ajaxgb]

@punkitt-is-here Well somebody had to.

[saltysouwup]

Odysseus: "Penelope, I'm coming home sweetie!" men open the wind bag Odysseus: "I'M BACK IN THE FUCKING BUILDING AGAIN."

[mostly-funnytwittertweets]

Just wanna warn you, sag and wga are anti ai

that’s good. fuck ai.

[ask-the-young-nor-westers]

LMAO WHY DOES THIS FIT?!?!?!

Murdoch, more like… Murdone with everything.

[incorrectbatfam]

Bruce: One of my kids used the word "fucktangular" in a mission report to describe a situation that was complicated and messy in multiple unpleasant and difficult ways.

[cupcakeshakesnake]

Made some quick memes to vent my frustration

Feel free to edit or use or whatever

[zevrra]

not enough !! ੈ✩‧₊˚

—♡. v!choso who suddenly can’t stop thinking about bending you over this desk and fucking you until he can’t take it anymore. his thoughts run wild even as your fingers move across his broad shoulders and down his arms. he has tasted your lips, felt your body press against him one too many times and it wasn’t enough. he needed more and with the blood pumping in his ears as your chest weighs heavy on his back once again as your hand wraps around his cock, stroking him off, he’s struggling to stay under control. biting his bottom lip with the threat of making it bleed as he watches your hand stroke his leaking cock.

—♡. choso who cums into your hand with his tie stuffed into his mouth to keep himself quiet. but even with the cloth in his mouth it doesn’t fully muffle the deep, animalistic and wild groan that he makes. rutting into your hand like a desperate man who’s just had his first taste of pleasure. he grips the table in front of him until his knuckles turn white. all the while you kiss the shell of his ear. “mmm yeah baby, you thinkin’ bout my pussy?” you ask with a lustful chuckle, removing his tie from his mouth with your other hand.

—♡. choso groans deeply at your words and nods eagerly in return. “yes! ‘s all i can — fuck — think about!” he admits in a high pitched whine as he rides out the last few moments of his orgasm. his honesty makes you smile wide as you kiss the side of his neck, your hand moving much easier over his messy cock now. “let me fuck you, please, please i need it! i need to feel your pussy around me.” he sobs as your thumb presses into the head of his pretty red cock, trembling under your touch.

—♡. “hmm you sure you want me to be your first?” you ask in a sweet tone. choso cries in response, one of his hands leaving the desk only to wrap his long fingers around your wrist. “mphm! pleaseee. want you i can’t fucking take it anymore!” he mumbles between hiccups as your hand continues to stroke his sensitive shaft. luckily enough for him, you planned to make his wish come true just not yet. you needed to tease him just a little longer before giving him what he truly desires.

[sillyjokes]

Sure, most people probably would, but the Joker isn't most people. He's optimistic about all the wrong things, and he takes pride in his wicked ways, thoughts, and schemes. "Well, if ya' hadn't notice, pretty face ?" He places his hands on his hips, protruding the other one out a little. "I'm not most people. I'm one of a kind. I'm hot, fun, and to top it off a killer clown who enjoys a good laugh.

He doesn't see the issue here? Although it looks like James isn't interested in playing anymore, which makes it no fun apparently. The clown has a thing for going back and forth, especially when he's into it. I guess you can say he loves trouble. Some people don't share his sense of humor. His warped mind. His nose wrinkles in delight. Corners of his eyes crinkles, along with a jaunty, pleasing grin creeping up his mouth.

"Oh . . . certainly i have hit a nerve," The Joker has gotten what he hoped for, even if it was mild, barely noticeable. He has got a reaction from James. It's all that matters at this moment. Relationships never lasts with the Joker very long. His long history of provoking the ones he is suppose to care about, but the clown likes differently. He loves wrong, and only a handful of people has been able to stay in a relationship or friendship with the Joker.

He is a very wicked man, and he takes pleasure getting individuals aggravated too. It takes a lot to make the Joker back off. Has anyone really gotten that close?

James words are enough to make him grin ear to ear. "Are ya' threatenin' me?" He plays with the zipper on James pants. "'Cause that'd be a delight? Especially since i like poking at people's wounds," He presses his mouth against his ear. "Sometimes i even like to reopen 'em," He whispers into his ear to get him riled up.

"It's still killing, baby? Do you have to kill 'Cause you're sucking up their tasteless blood? 'Cause certainly ya' must think you're better than me? " He frowns.

"but you're not." He aims a finger at him. "Ya' hear me? You self righteous idiot," He huffs in the air, arms crossed, chin in the air.

"You're just a self centered arsehole," The Joker pauses with a thoughtful expression clouding his features. "Wait a minute?" He taps his chin with one of his fingers. "I think I'm talkin' 'bout myself," He smiles sweetly up at him. "Isn't that crazy?"

The Joker doesn't care who he kills. Good or bad. It doesn't matter, as long as it's fun. "There's plenty of people to find like that. Yet i don't care 'bout 'em," He laughs. "You just don't get me do ya? I kill whenever i want, and that includes lots of innocent citizens of this city. 'Cause if ya' haven't heard i like killing,"

He stops in the the middle of the dress shop, yanking his arm away. "If ya' ever want a relationship with me?" He looks him straight in the eye. "You're gonna have to take all of me, and of course control my violent tendencies," He laughs brightly.

The Jester doesn't care about the looks he receive. He is used to them by now. "All of you get out of here before i kill ya', and if you tell anyone 'bout this? I'll find ya' and murder your parents, and perhaps even the littlest one's," He laughs. "Did i mention boyfriends, husbands. Who cares I'll kill 'em gladly too?"

"It's just a threat James. Don't get your panty holes in a twist, 'kay?"

James sighed through his nose, a long-suffering exhale as the Joker basked in his own impossibility like it was some great achievement. “Why shouldn’t you be?” James repeated, lips pressing into a thin line. “Because most people find ‘impossible’ a nuisance, not a virtue.” He gave the clown a sharp look, but it was wasted on him. The Joker wasn’t most people—he reveled in being an enigma, and frankly, James wasn’t sure if that was something to admire or just endure.

James barely reacted as the Joker trailed his fingers along his clothing, his smug little smirk daring him to respond. “Then again, you seem endlessly entertained,” James muttered, watching the way those green eyes roamed his face. The intensity of them, the way they glowed with anticipation, made James wary. The clown wasn’t just looking forward to the shopping trip—he was looking forward to the fight, the back-and-forth, the game of it all.

But the Joker was also perceptive, annoyingly so, and the moment James’s guard slipped at the mention of his father, the clown latched onto it like a dog with a bone. James’s jaw clenched. “Don't really believe that's any of your business,” he said sharply, steering the clown away from the store and onto the street. But Joker was grinning, already peeling away layers James hadn’t meant to expose. James met the Joker’s gaze, unflinching. “You didn’t hit a nerve,” he said coolly, clearly a lie. “But if you did, I’d strongly advise against poking at it.” His voice was even, but there was an unspoken warning beneath it, something firm and final.

Then, the Joker grinned up at him, fingers tugging lightly at his shirt. James scowled at the words, rolling his eyes as he pried the bleached hands off of him. “Break your neck? Tempting, but I’d rather not deal with the mess that would make.”

His grip on the Joker’s arm didn’t loosen as they stepped out into the cool Gotham air, but the Joker’s expression shifted—his voice laced with something sharper, colder. The clown had picked up on the slight crack in his exterior, and he wasn’t going to let it go.

They walked down the sidewalk, the Joker’s sing-song questioning filling the air as James guided them toward their destination. The vampire scoffed at the accusation, shaking his head. “Yes, I kill,” he admitted without hesitation. “But I kill when I need to, not for sport. Not because it’s fun.” His grip on the Joker’s wrist loosened slightly, but his gaze remained firm.

“And I certainly don’t kill men who are just doing their jobs. I don’t kill for the sake of chaos or amusement. I don’t kill because it fills some twisted void inside me. I kill when I’m hungry. That’s the difference.” He turned his head slightly, eyes narrowing as he regarded the Joker. “You wouldn’t understand it, because there’s no rhyme or reason to what you do. But I have rules. And one of those rules is that men who work hard, men who have a duty to fulfill for the good of society, are not my prey.”

Duty. It had been drilled into him since childhood. It was what had defined his life before he’d become what he was. It had been a chain around his neck, a weight on his shoulders—but despite it all, he still believed in it. He had to less he be nothing more than a monster.

His grip on the Joker’s arm tightened again briefly as they moved through the streets. “That man in the store? He has a duty to perform. You don’t shoot men like that,” James said firmly. “If you want to shoot someone, pick someone who deserves it.” He turned his head slightly, glancing at the Joker from the corner of his eye. “I imagine you don’t have much trouble finding those sorts of people in Gotham.”

As they neared Gotham’s most extravagant dress shop, James didn’t slow his pace, his grip on the Joker’s arm firm and unyielding. The bell above the door chimed as he pushed the clown inside, drawing a few startled looks from the shop attendants. The store was filled with delicate fabrics, shimmering gowns, and walls lined with tailored women's suits fit for Gotham’s elite. The contrast between the pristine elegance of the boutique and the wild, chaotic presence of the Joker was almost comical. Almost. James barely gave him a moment to revel in the absurdity before steering him toward a row of mannequins draped in deep reds and royal blues. “Pick something and make it quick,” James muttered, low enough that only the Joker could hear.

The shop’s associates, a group of well-dressed women, hovered near the counters, their eyes wide with barely concealed fear. One clutched a measuring tape to her chest as if it might shield her from whatever chaos the Joker could unleash. None of them dared to approach, their gazes flickering between the grinning madman and the imposing vampire escorting him.

[trophywifemac]

IT'S ALWAYS SUNNY IN PHILADELPHIA ↳ S6E13 “A Very Sunny Christmas”