#I'd do anything to be filled with validation and peace and comfort and...just something to make the pain stop
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sensitivegoblin · 1 year ago
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I'm just spamming venting shit to get it off my chest and keep my hands from slipping and sliding if you get my drift
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#wanna cry scream throw up break things#but I'm stuck in my head so I'll just stay here half frozen#smoking until I can't feel anything or think#my whole life has been a waste and I just wanna be done#im playing a game I no longer wanna play#I have no chips I have no bone in this#im just so done but im being forced to stay#I feel like im being half drowned#head just above water enough to keep me alive#otherwise im suffering n just want it to stop#im just so over it#anyway you want me baby that's the way you got me#I'd do anything to be filled with validation and peace and comfort and...just something to make the pain stop#my story's gonna end with me dead from your poison#what's the worst part of this hell?#I can only blame myself.#full of poison I'm sick of the poison#fillin up my glass but it's always hollow#im tired of thinking this doctor or this thing or this way of thinking is gonna fix things just for it to let me down#turning 25 just reminded me of all the times I had hope and it was for fucking nothing#I used to be a happy hopeful glass half full person#but im just fucking done#so many people have promised they wouldn't leave me and then they DO#WHY LIE TO ME#STOP LYING TO ME IF YOU DONT LOVE ME JUST LEAVE ME#so many people........all gone or just -barely- in my life by a string#I'm tired of being lied.......so many friends gone#i remember at age 13 a guy said he wouldn't talk to me unless o sent pictures so I did#i remember praying to God that he was 'the one'#...I'm such an idiot
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levis-little-nuggie · 4 years ago
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hi! i just saw the post about requests and could you write some fluffy sex headcanons with the brothers? we don't really see stuff like that so i thought i'd ask
Bless you nonny for the request 💜💜 this uh, turned out a lot longer than I had anticipated, probably because I haven't written anything in a good while 😅
Asmo and Belphie will have their own posts 💜
Nsft, obviously, so everything is under the Read More. I made the reader as gender neutral and inclusive as I could. Please let me know if at any point, I was exclusive.
Fluffy Sex Headcanons of the Demon Brothers
(minus Asmo and Belphie)
Lucifer
This man will top or bottom solely dependent upon what you want. Sex with him is moreso about pleasing his partner than just getting off. His preferences are fine tuned to your desires and your body’s limits. Lucifer’s sin feeds off of the immense pride a lover feels when they know you and your body better than you do
He may act cold and aloof in public and in front of others, coming off as stoic and arrogant, but it’s a completely different story behind closed doors.
However you want him, he’ll comply. You’ve done the impossible and captured his heart.  Don’t let this old man and his brown shoes fool you, he’ll drown you in passion.
He’ll gladly play the Dom role, but he’ll also gladly be your sub as well.
If you’re into BDSM and prefer him to Dom, you can expect an intensive aftercare routine that would rival Asmo’s. It’s not that he doesn’t like hurting you or pushing you to your limits, he just wants to reward you for being so good for him and wants to remind you how much he loves you.
If you’re into BDSM and prefer to Dom yourself, go crazy! While you would be capable of marking and bruising his skin, you can’t physically hurt or break him beyond light scratches. He can break out of whatever restraints you put him, even if they are demon-grade. You would need actual spells to diminish his strength to put him on par with a lower-class demon if you wanted him to actually feel any real pain, but if it’s what you want, he’ll do it. Expect a conversation beforehand about what you want and how he can do that for you. He wants there to be clear communication so he knows how best to serve you in the moments to come.
Sure the sex is fantastic, but he’ll show you how much he loves you in the tender moments after. The afterglow is his favorite part, both of you basking in the remnants of pleasure coursing through you, the physical numbness, and the swell of feel-good chemicals swirling through your bodies. This is when he’ll hold you closest, pepper your skin with kisses unable to stop himself, he’ll play with your hair if you have it, his eyes will be bright, his smile will be unrestrained. He may even start humming a long-forgotten lullaby or your favorite song as he rests his head against your chest, hearing your heartbeat in blissful content until one of you decides it’s time to get cleaned up.
No matter how long the day has been, the amount of hours he’s put into all that damn paperwork, he’ll always make time to pamper you after sex. If you prefer to shower alone, he’ll let you go first and have the bed ready with new, clean sheets and clean towels set out for you when you’re done. Prefer to sleep with pajamas? He has a drawer dedicated to your favorite things along with some new ones he bought for you.
Mammon
Ah yes, the tsundere. The dumbass in the streets, dumbass in the sheets. The one who has more hair-brained ideas than he does fingers and toes in one week. One of the greatest banes of Lucifer’s existence.
His push and pull personality might have you questioning the validity of his feelings, but I believe that Mammon wouldn’t be partaking in fluffy sex at all unless he was absolutely smitten.
With how his brothers treat him, he’s reluctant to open his heart to you and fully accept that at some point, you won’t start insulting him either. However, equipped with the sin of greed, Mammon’s completely helpless when you compliment and reassure him. 
His standoffish attitude is a front, a feeble attempt to keep up his reputation as “The Great Mammon,” but he’s got himself wrapped around your finger before he even realizes it and that facade would melt away instantly at your smallest of smiles, a kiss on his cheek or back of his hand, a surprise compliment, anything that makes his heart skip a beat. 
Of the brothers, he has one of the weakest composers around you mainly because he’s also one of the horniest. 
Sex with Mammon can be rushed;  a quickie between classes, a broken composure that has him feeling dehydrated for you, a clash of tongues and teech and a burning desire that encompasses both of you until you find release.
However, the sweetest and fluffiest sex with Mammon would be when either of you are feeling emotionally vulnerable. 
He’ll treat you like you’re the greatest treasure to have ever existed in all three realms, with a delicacy as if you’re fragile because he knows he can be careless and reckless. He’ll be in his head a lot making sure he’s taking care of you, that you feel good, doing his damndest to keep you satisfied so there’s no room in your heart to doubt him. He’ll do whatever it takes to keep that sparkle in your eye when you look at him, to never lose you and never have to experience the day you realize his brothers have been right all along. 
And I mean he’ll do whatever and however. Any wish is his command, but you’ll have more work cut out for you if you suggest the both of you participating in a threesome or more. He wants you all to himself, it’s his greed, but it’s your reassurance and validation that will have him like putty in your hand. 
He’s more than okay with both of you falling asleep in your mess, but more often than not, he’ll wait until you’ve dozed off to clean up. In these moments, he takes the time to worship every inch of your skin, like polishing a priceless jewel. His intentions are pure, most of the time, he just likes to wait till you’re asleep so there’s no chance for you to tease him about it. It also allows his greed to soak up your peaceful expression, the way your body reaches out to him after he’s finished cleaning and comes back to curl up next to you. 
There’s a secret photo album hidden on his phone filled with pictures of the both of you like this, your lashes against your cheeks, your freckles or sun spots, any blemishes or scars that he’s covered in kisses countless of times, your hand in his and vice versa, memories of how sweet and tender your love is, filled with emotions he struggles to put into words. 
Leviathan
It all depends how you play your cards with this one. Teasing him is easy and it’ll get him all flustered, but pair that with his raging horniness and you’ll be walking a fine line between a Dom or sub Levi.
However, if it’s fluffy and sweet sex you want, treat him gently and he’ll return the favor. It’ll take a bit of time and effort to get here, on both your parts, but if you’re willing to put in the work, he’ll make it worth it. Like Mammon, this means sex will be its fluffiest when either both of you or one of you is emotionally vulnerable.
We’ve recently been blessed by the devs on a cannon description of his tail, confirming that it is snake-like with scales. This also means, however, that his tail is sensitive to touch and he has full control of its movements. During a more sweet intimacy, he likes to wrap his tail around a limb, your arm or your leg. It’s only when he’s in Dom or sub mode that he likes to use his tail in a more active manner.
It’s important for him, whether he realizes it or not, that during these moments, that he’s the one touching you, not his tail. If you ask him to use his tail too much during sex, he’ll start to think that you’re only with him because of his tail.
He’ll want to see you even though his room is dimly lit. He also knows his tub bed might not be the most comfortable so he’ll invest in a mattress to put on the floor by the tank, and a few fluffy blankets, from the Ruri-chan line of course, to keep you warm and comfortable so you’ll never want to leave his room, just like him.
He prefers any position that has the two of you lying together, with your face in clear view because he can’t get enough of the faces you make because of the pleasure he’s responsible for making you feel. He’ll be more focused on your voice, your body language, your reactions to reassure him he’s doing something right.
To see your naked skin kissed with the reflection of the water from the tank is his favorite part. He actually got a nosebleed the first time he saw you like that. 
Sex with the otaku is a learning experience that requires patience and repetitive reassurance. He’s certain that no one could ever love him, and it’s going to cost a lot of mental energy, and it can be disheartening at times where it seems he’s not made any progress in loving himself at all, but you’ll both also have an opportunity to create something truly beautiful between the two of you. Falling in love with your best friend, and having your feelings returned with all their heart is one of the most beautiful things to ever experience.
Satan
I like to imagine that Satan is akin to that tiger DILF in Zootopia looking at his tablet while on the train, you know, the one who looks like he’ll take good care of you? Listen, during one of his Devilgram stories, the man pitches a tent (like an actual tent, not a boner you guys) and makes both of you cups of hot chocolate. You can pry this hc out of my cold, dead hands.
Sex with Satan is actually more often fluffy and sweet than anyone would assume because he’s the Avatar of Wrath. Just like all the other brothers, Satan is more than his sin. That being said, Satan is still CEO of Angry Sex™ but he’s also more intune to his own feelings than the rest of his brothers. 
It’s after his more violent fits of rage that he’s seeking your comfort. It’s difficult for him to come down from his wrath; the worse the fit is, the more broken and twisted he feels. He didn’t like coming to you at first because he knows how mentally draining it can be for a human to deal with someone like that, but you’ve insisted in your endearing and stubborn way that he can and needs to rely on you more. You threatened to find all the sources proving your point for the success of any relationship and he eventually gave in, accepting your kindness and your love.
In turn, he provides you with an arsenal of reading material and spells you can arm yourself with for a plethora of reasons; mainly self-defense against demons, a history of successful and failed attempts to prank Lucifer, as well as guides for subjects in class to help you study.
Unlike his previous brothers, sex with Satan is more about the pleasure you both feel. Of course he’ll still be mindful of your pleasure, but he can also get lost in his own desire. No matter how far gone he is, you know that the moment you utter the safeword, he’ll stop immediately and assess the situation. The safeword is actually a simple spell that he’d found when you two started getting more intimate.
On days he’s feeling extra playful, he’ll dress up for you; a collar with a bell, cat ears, a butt plug with a tail attached. He loves to be your little kitty cat, and will practically foam at the mouth if you ever dressed up like a slutty cat for him, but this doesn’t lead to fluffy smut times.
While he has no issues with PDA, Satan reserves his more soft and fluffy side for when you two are totally alone. He’s proactive in looking up cute date ideas and is the type to go all out turning his bed or his floor into a nest of pillows and blankets, cups of tea, hot chocolate, coffee, whatever you prefer, a variety of little snacks, and turn his wall into a projection screen to watch old-fashioned black and white romance movies. 
For Satan, it’s the moments leading up to the sweet intimacy filled with love and adoration that are his favorites. Being the reason your face brightens, tears of happiness well in the corner of your eyes, the way your smile makes his heart stutters, Satan loves showing you how much you mean to him mainly because he knows he’s not the best with words. He could recite any poem of strings of song lyrics, but he believes actions speak louder than words.
He actually prefers for you to have control in these moments; there’s less of a chance he could hurt you and it’s another way to prove his love. He’ll only ever bottom for you. He was reluctant at first, but it’s like you opened his eyes to a whole new world he didn’t know about. He still likes to act like he's a cat and you're his mouse, but he also likes it when you take over and make him bow to your whim. You've gained his trust as well as his heart and he believes that the power dynamic in a relationship should be balanced.
During the most intimate moments, either right after sex or waking up together in the morning after sleeping in, you'll both enter this Cat Speak mode. One of you will start, just a cute little "mrow?" and you'll go back and forth entertaining a semblance of a conversation but without saying anything. There's no actual conversation happening, it's just the two of you making cat noises at each other, giggling and riding the high of this special intimacy specially reserved for these moments of bliss.
Beel
Let’s be honest, 9 times out of 10 your sex with the sixth-born will be fluffy and sweet. He’s like the personified version of a golden retriever. He loves you and has the instinct to want to take care of you. You’re such a small, delicate human, and his brothers love you too so when you’re in Beel’s care, he makes sure you’re satisfied more than just sexually. 
Anything you’re willing to give him, he’ll accept wholeheartedly expressing his love and gratitude in the form of huge grins, hugs, a hearty chuckle, and peppering kisses across your face. 
Even though he’s not as sexually active as some of his brothers, once you get this big guy started, be prepared to cancel any plans you have for the rest of the day… and also the day after just to be safe. He has the most energy and will keep going until he’s had you against every solid surface in his room, minus Belphie’s furniture of course. Regardless of your size or how you look, he’ll make you feel weightless as he carries you around the room effortlessly
He loves the way you taste, gliding his tongue over your skin like you’re an ice-cream cone that never melts, he’s actually growled a number of times when you tried pulling yourself away from him. His eyes had turned shades darker than normal before you snapped him out of it. He would apologize profusely and kill the mood so as to make sure he’s in the right headspace and you’re okay. 
This has only happened a few times, but he still loves to taste every inch of you whenever he has you all to himself. He leaves you covered in hickeys and love bites and even though he’ll apologize, you know he feels absolutely no shame in his brother’s reactions to seeing you covered the next day. 
His favorite part is helping you ride out your orgasm with his mouth. He knows he’s more skilled with his mouth anyway and just, the man cannot get enough of you or your taste. Depending on where he’s at when you orgasm, if he’s close, he’ll paint your skin in his release, and then clean up the mess and drag you in for snuggles. If he’s not quite there yet, he’ll assess your energy levels and wait until you’re ready to go again or keep going, depending on who topped or bottomed. He’s all about consent and wants to join you when you’re fully blissed out regardless if he’s finished or not (meaning he’ll deny his own release in order to lie with you).
Aftercare comes almost second nature to him. He’s already carrying you to the bathroom and soaking you off in the shower before you realize it. The warm water and his large hands invade your senses and he urges you to let go, to let him take care of you and it’s like a dream. His calloused hands offer a sort of comforting roughness that keeps you grounded. If you want shower sex, you’ll have to initiate it.
Actually, that’s pretty accurate for Beel. You want sex? You’re either going to have to initiate it or tell him straight out. Poor guy does not take hints well as he is very oblivious.
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itsreallyjustme · 3 years ago
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u had to write bc you can't actually believe what's happening
when i see a gap here, i know i just had the best or the worst days of my life.
This time they were amazing
I'm finally talking to someone romantically
I mean, it was perfect.
He did it perfectly.
He is perfect. i think
I have this small problem where i think i'm the main character, so when we first interacted (he seek me out) I said to my friend "if he's doing it with that intention, he is going for the win"
We met like a year ago at an event, he is the friend of a friend, but we didn't start talking until like a month ago. And I've admired his gameplay from the very start:
he searched for mutual interest to strike a fulfilling conversation,
he then arranged for me to be in a group chat about said interest to ensure the continuity of the interaction,
he gave it time before trying to talk to me privately again,
he continued to only talk to me with time lapses in between, so I got used to his presence without it being forced (they were always followups of the group chat's subjects),
he responded an Instagram story about a project I was preparing and seemed really interested in it,
he waited for me to keep the conversation flowing without letting it drop but without forcing it,
he then made the "I've got a perfect sticker" to move to WhatsApp,
and the rest was amazing too.
While we talked, he filled the silence with memes and random reels so we ended up talking every day
Somehow he created a safe comfortable space in which I felt completely at peace and it got me sharing stuff about myself I don't normally do so easily (and to a stranger nonetheless)
By the time he said anything about a date I was at complete ease and felt I could tell him everything. And that was a whole event by itself:
We were talking about how honesty is always the best policy and how we both like to go head first with the truth and have ugly and awkward conversations instead of going with the flow when he said "I wanted to ask you out on a date, but I don't know if that's cool"
now, chances are, im the only one who's going to read this, but I'm going to say it anyway
Normally this is the part when i -very apologetically- say I'm not interested in that and try to maintain the friendship as long as I can until the other person, defeated, ghosts me.
But like i said: i'd been playing with the idea since the very beginning, I absolutely admired the process and how it played out, I felt completely comfortable talking to him and frankly didn't want to stop;
and something very influential: i've been talking myself into a relationship since the beginning of the year, and since we started talking i started picturing a possible relationship with him, so it really wasn't completely out of the blue;
I surprised both of us by saying i wanted that too
he told me that: that he was ready for me to say no
long story short, we discussed it, like all of it. How a date would play out, what we needed to happen before that, how a relationship would work out, and his past.
He told me that was a deal breaker for him, he needed me to know the ugly truths and then decide if I wanted his presence in my life, it was amazing (tho a bit overwhelming)
Now, you know yourself, darling. You know exactly what fears were creeping into your mind at the prospect of dating (I still can't believe it) a 23year-old male.
So you talked about it.
Not all of it, though you clearly said there were more thing you wanted to discuss with him before that first date.
But you discussed your past experiences, your inexperience, your fears and your boundaries, and made clear that while you accepted his and wanted to continue forward now you knew them, you understand if he didn't,
I mean, what could you possibly offer him when physical affection was going to be out of the table for at least a while?
He didn't -want to halt thing that is
He accepted you, messy and problematic as you showed yourself and validated and reassured you about every single issue you presented, showing a kind of support you hadn't dared to hope for.
It was a wholesome morning
You keep those long deep conversations, music recommendations and random musings, with the now new addition of endearments when saying hello and goodbye -it was dreamlike
You started to notice a pattern though -he acted exactly like your main character's romantic interest. Had you unknowingly manifested him?
You didn't care a lot, you were actually happy. You are actually happy. He's making you very happy.
time got in the way, though you were actually glad about it, you knew chances were you wouldn't last past a first date, and didn't want to lose his presence in your life.
You were preparing for it, dreading that given moment when he would kiss you and you would run away.
Spoiler: it didn't happen.
You saw it so much earlier than you had expected, and he had asked you if he could hug you when you did, it was an exciting gathering with your mutual friends (though most of them were only his friends). You didn't get or try to get any alone time, enjoying the company and entertainment the gathering itself provided. Still, he didn't keep his distance either, standing or sitting close to you and letting his hands linger on your shoulders or your back when he could make it look casual. (He also won a chocolate bar in a game and gave you a piece ! i mean, couple-stuff xd)
Contrary to popular belief (the pop being your past self), you were elated at that and didn't feel at all uncomfortable, but content in his ministrations, it was nice to feel cared for, even if you were still dreading the link's inevitable end once you meet alone for the first time.
You thought you had more time, you weren't going to be in the same city for 2 weeks and wouldn't be able to meet for another week after that, and you already knew 600km did wonder for difficult relationships (see: your father-daughter bond)
Life does like to play with your plans though, and his leaving got delayed, which prompted him to ask you out the very next night, again surprising even yourself, you agreed and no more than 30 min later he picked you up (saying he didn't want to miss out on the walking part)
You spent almost 8 hours together.
It was ... ... ... beautiful
You were able to gather the courage and ask him again if he was ok with the fact that you weren't ready to kiss him yet, and his answer would still make you swoon over it if he hadn't made other more swoon-able statements since.
To number some:
"I like interacting with you, and I'm not about to give that up because I can't kiss you"
"I'm so happy just because I can hold your hand"
I want you to know I want to kiss you right now, but I know that would make you uncomfortable, so I'm ok with not doing it, because I want you to be comfortable with me"
and i could go on.
Cold made us leave things at that and i took him home, he doesn't drive and I do and i couldn't on good conscience let him walk home in the freezing cold.
When saying goodbye, he asked me if what had just happened was a date, I think is better with direct speech, so here I go:
"Do you want to count this as a date? cause I know you said there were more things we needed to talk about before you could feel like you could go out with me, and I respect that-"
"I want it to be a date"
"Great," some time passed in which we only smile before he started fussing again, "Do you want to have another one someday?"
i mean, can he be any cuter??!
He left the next morning, and we planned to see each other at the latest on his birthday. We also decided that prior to that we needed to tell our mutual friends about it, so we could hold hands (!) at his party.
He did it the very same morning.
All cute as all that was, it wasn't the best (this have been a couple of very intense days)
After some deliberation and because it was prompted by some of his own confessions, I finally told him I was ace, and his answer (!!!!!!): "I suspected it", was more than I could have hope for. He suspected it and didn't broke things up, he said he was ok with that knowing it could be a permanent thing, he,,,, he tore down all my insecurities with a 12-letter phrase.
I went on explaining myself and how i really didn't know if all that was completely out of the table or not, but that I wasn't keen on rushing myself to find out.
He fucking told me he was fucking OK with that.
That "Everyone has their own time", "I don't want you to feel pressured in any way", "I just wanna walk alongside you", "And, if you want, to hold your hand"
he ended me.
I had already decided, but i confirmed there and then that were he to break my heart, I would never regret giving him a chance, because I never thought I would meet someone that would so openly accept that part of me
I feel so happy and safe right now.
Before everything that happened, i had told my friend that talking to him was like therapy and I stand by that, never had I ever had so many important healthy conversations, and never had I ever been able to talk about so many things as I can with him.
I also made him promise me to tell me when I start bothering him or when he starts feeling annoyed at me, and I promised him to trust that he will instead of pushing him away because I thought he had, which I think it's the healthiest thing ever.
I feel like i'm seeing the world with pink-coloured glasses, but for the first time ever, I'm letting myself do that, and I'm trusting he's not going to make me regret it. I told him already, that he's now got the power to hurt me, and I feel that it shows lots of growth on my part, or at least that -for the first time ever- I'm allowing myself to be happy.
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blackasmidnightcats · 5 years ago
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A little fic for Kiko×Yara
Kiko hasn't let Yara think too deeply for the past few hours since they left the School. She knew that the other girl did it on purpose, to distract Yara's mind from what Agatha concluded earlier.
"Yara could be a key against the Lady of the Lake's propaganda. If she believes that Good and Evil has been obselete in the more recent years and that the blur between the sides are corrupting each other then Yara could convince the Woods that it's not always a bad thing."
Agatha hasn't approached Yara yet about this subject. And Kiko has somewhat stolen her away. Yara doesn't want to think about if Agatha had asked Kiko to do it on purpose. To give Agatha time to convince Yara through Kiko. She doesn't think Agatha would do something like that or that Kiko would agree. Those girls mean good to her and have been since their quest started.
She trusted the both of them. . . but also knew that she would still be asked to join the fight sooner or later. And Yara doesn't think she's ready for that yet.
She's barely grasped the idea that she gets to live out her life somewhat peacefully with the support of her friends; being accepted as Boy that choses to be a Girl and to have found True Love with the most amazing girl in the Woods. Of course, there were still hardships. Not everyone is fond of the idea of what she is but as Yara learned, those opinions don't much matter when you have an army of friends who love, support, and would fight for you self-worth even if Yara didn't.
There would always be a prickle of fear that would seize her whole being from time to time. Yara always feared that this peace was too perfect. That any moment, it would taken away and that she would loose everything that she has.
That she would loose Kiko and her love.
That very same fear was choking her now—
"Are you okay?" said the girl that has been fighting off Yara's monsters for almost a year.
Yara turns to Kiko, sweet, wonderful Kiko, then she looks down at their hands and realized that she's been gripping too tight on Kiko's delicate hand. She was about to loose her death grip when Kiko placed her other hand on top of hers and Yara froze.
She stared at her own hand, sandwiched between her True Love's. Yara's hand was no different from her boy's hand; still large and akward and bony. It was so different from Kiko's, which was small with elegantly long fingers that would calm Yara down whenever she would ran it through her nest of ginger hair and—
"Yara?" said Kiko, peering worriedly at her.
Yara looked up into Kiko's worried face. She has known from experience that Kiko had many things running through her head. So many weird ideas that she shared with Yara as they grew comfortable with each other. People were wrong when they thought that Kiko was an airhead and a failure. She was just unique in ways that couldn't be measured by assessments of the School. Kiko has shared so many crazy ideas to Yara that she was guilty of admitting that she dismissed most of them like everyone else. She thought that it was a characteristic that makes more adorable but Agatha had shown Yara how brilliant Kiko could be. With patience and the will to understand Kiko has thought of ideas that has helped them on their quest more than anyone else. Agatha was the first person to believe in Kiko's creativity.
And from now on, Yara would too as well.
"I'm scared, Kiko." Yara blurted. Kiko kept silent and let her continue. "I'm scared that I'm gonna fail everyone because I don't know how I would fight for myselft let alone for everyone else. I don't. . . I don't know how I'm gonna convince everyone that it's a good thing when I—"
Yara halted. For a moment the two girls stayed where they were like statues. Yara knew that feeling like her never ending heartbeat like warning drums never finding its end. It would always come and fade away but never end. She wanted to say so many things but instead settled for the truth.
"I. . . I don't even know what's great about my situation," she continued, lamely. Sadly. "I don't get why I'm so stressed with the idea of validating who I choose to be when for me. . . it's like I'm still in a dream and that I know this would be taken away someday."
Yara focused on Kiko. "That you'd be taken away someday."
"Do you really still think that?" Kiko gently asked.
"I. . .maybe?"
Yara sees Kiko's mind working. It's the way her eyes light up like a starry sky so filled with wonder and mystic. And Yara knew Kiko would never leave her but she still wanted to hear the words.
"You silly, silly girl," she started. "I'd never leave you for anything because I'm lucky enough to be loved by two people with the same soul. I loved you as Tristan, and I still do believe me, and all the things that made you Tristan and I love you as Yara for all the things that makes you Yara and I also love the soul that both of them have the finds that wonderful mix in between. I love you when your Tristan and act like Yara and I love you when your Yara but chooses to act like Tristan. And do you know what makes me the luckiest of all?"
Yara could barely speak.
Kiko continued, with a sheen of tears in her eyes. "I'm lucky because those two people somehow love me too."
Yara could feel her heart float.
"I'm lucky because somehow, no matter how different or similar they are, I am loved by both in different ways that has helped me love myself in ways I could never imagine."
They were closer now. Yara has pulled them towards each other and she knew what her body wanted and what her soul needed.
Kiko looked up into her eyes. "I love you, Yara and I love you, Tristan and I love this soul that owns all of me. Boy or Girl and everything in between."
She kissed her. She kissed this wonderful soulmate of hers like how True Loves do on the stories. She kissed her and kissed her and kissed her as Kiko kissed her too. Their love sealed forever by the kisses they share. And if Yara or Tristan couldn't fight for herself then she'll fight for the love the Kiko has blessed her.
And that, she could promise herself.
33 notes · View notes