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#I'll just get harassed or I'll see my rapist and have a panic attack
sadfraudfrogs
·
5 months
Text
I currently need to throw my phone into a river because if my mum looks through my phone I'm fucked
#it'll out me as a system and having various mental illnesses
#She'll get mad at me for having online friends
#she'll probably force me to block them or something and I want to stay friends with them
#Without them I have like 2 friends
#And only 1 person I can actually be open with
#And every single day I cry because I'm scared of losing the only person who knows me for me
#I'll be cut off from the entire world and she'll expect me to be happy
#I'm happy when I don't have to hide myself but I can't do that here
#I'm in a country that hates me and you except me to feel safe going outside?
#The only way I'd feel safe is if I changed my name legally and moved to a completely different country
#I can't handle living in England and I don't feel safe in this town
#I'll just get harassed or I'll see my rapist and have a panic attack
#I need mental help so fucking badly but I live in England where my only fucking option is either better help
#Or a Councillor who won't take me seriously
#The last 2 counsellors I had were shit
#The first one talked down to me constantly and there was a language barrier between me and the second so half the time I had no clue-
#- what she was saying
#My sh is only getting worse
#I've finally started bleeding from my sh
#And now I'm scared to show my arms around my parents because they'll blame the internet for it
#Not the years of bullying or the emotional abuse or the fact I'm still trying to compute the fact I was fucking raped
#I blame myself for everything
#The internet is how I try to heal
#If I get that taken away from me then I'll have nothing
#I'll probably try to convert to Christianity just so I have something to believe in
#Even though the idea of a god makes me really fucking paranoid
#Nothing fucking helps anymore
#The only thing I fucking have is my stupid fucking phone
#I'm going to kill myself I swear to fuck
#Because in this fucking society all I fucking get is oppressed
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