#I'm bleeding and it SUCKS

[rudegyalcharm]

I should talk reckless about my period on here, reckless annoyance that y'all are still largely uneducated and it's seen as a "woman's issue."

Yes I'm angry. Irate.

[skrunksthatwunk]

actually i'm still thinking about the moral orel finale.

he has a cross on his wall. do you know how much i think about that bc it's a lot.

a lot of stories ((auto)biographical or fictional) centering escape from abusive/fundamentalist christianity result in the lead characters leaving behind christianity entirely. and that makes complete sense! people often grow disillusioned with the associated systems and beliefs, and when it was something used to hurt them or something so inseparable from their abuse that they can't engage with it without hurting, it makes total sense that they would disengage entirely. and sometimes they just figure out that they don't really believe in god/a christian god/etc. a healthy deconstruction process can sometimes look like becoming an atheist or converting to another religion. it's all case by case. (note: i'm sure this happens with other religions as well, i'm just most familiar with christian versions of this phenomenon).

but in orel's case, his faith was one of the few things that actually brought him comfort and joy. he loved god, y'know? genuinely. and he felt loved by god and supported by him when he had no one else. and the abuses he faced were in how the people in his life twisted religion to control others, to run away from themselves, to shield them from others, etc. and often, orel's conflicts with how they acted out christianity come as a direct result of his purer understanding of god/jesus/whatever ("aren't we supposed to be like this/do that?" met with an adult's excuse for their own behavior or the fastest way they could think of to get orel to leave them alone (i.e. orel saying i thought we weren't supposed to lie? and clay saying uhhh it doesn't count if you're lying to yourself)). the little guy played catch with god instead of his dad, like.. his faith was real, and his love was real. and i think it's a good choice to have orel maintain something that was so important to him and such a grounding, comforting force in the midst of. All That Stuff Moralton Was Up To/Put Him Through. being all about jesus was not the problem, in orel's case.

and i know i'm mostly assuming that orel ended up in a healthier, less rigid version of christianity, but i feel like that's something that was hinted at a lot through the series, that that's the direction he'd go. when he meditates during the prayer bee and accepts stephanie's different way to communicate, incorporating elements of buddhism into his faith; when he has his I AM A CHURCH breakdown (removing himself from the institution and realizing he can be like,, the center of his own faith? taking a more individualistic approach? but Truly Going Through It at the same time), his acceptance (...sometimes) of those who are different from him and condemned by the adults of moralton (stephanie (lesbian icon stephanie my beloved), christina (who's like. just a slightly different form of fundie protestant from him), dr chosenberg (the jewish doctor from otherton in holy visage)). his track record on this isn't perfect, but it gets better as orel starts maturing and picking up on what an absolute shitfest moralton is. it's all ways of questioning the things he's been taught, and it makes sense that it would lead to a bigger questioning as he puts those pieces together more. anyway i think part of his growth is weeding out all the lost commandments of his upbringing and focusing on what faith means to him, and what he thinks it should mean. how he wants to see the world and how he wants to treat people and what he thinks is okay and right, and looking to religion for guidance in that, not as like. a way to justify hurting those he's afraid or resentful of, as his role models did.

he's coming to his own conclusions rather than obediently, unquestioningly taking in what others say. but he's still listening to pick out the parts that make sense to him. (edit/note: and it's his compassion and his faith that are the primary motivations for this questioning and revisal process, both of individual cases and, eventually, the final boss that is christianity.) it makes perfect sense as the conclusion to his character arc and it fits the overall approach of the show far better. it's good is what i'm saying.

and i think it's important to show that kind of ending, because that's a pretty common and equally valid result of deconstruction. and i think it cements the show's treatment of christianity as something that's often (and maybe even easily) exploited, but not something inherently bad. something that can be very positive, even. guys he even has a dog he's not afraid of loving anymore. he's not afraid of loving anyone more than jesus and i don't think it's because he loves this dog less than bartholomew (though he was probably far more desperate for healthy affection and companionship when he was younger). i think it's because he figures god would want him to love that dog. he's choosing to believe that god would want him to love and to be happy and to be kind. he's not afraid of loving in the wrong way do you know how cool that is he's taking back control he's taking back something he loves from his abusers im so normal

[shinelikethunder]

dean in the middle of s7: fellas is it gay to meet ratboy eliot ness in the 40s and want to suck him silly? asking for a friend who might be down bad enough to do it anyway dean thirty seconds into s8: well while you were BETRAYING ME with some CHICK i was in monsterfucker heaven getting spitroasted by a vampire and an angel of the lord, so take THAT

[just-a-small-town-queer]

Y'know. I'm beginning to realize I project a lot. Specifically my own fears and worldview. Kind of an issue.

[el3ctraaa]

Say hypothetically we all lived near each other and I posted a suicide note to my Snapchat story. Would y'all drive to my apartment??

[the-punforgiven]

Me, knowing full well I'm gonna be evicted from the house I've lived in since I was 9 in just a few short months, socially exhauted from watching a constant stream of people come in and look around with intent to buy my childhood home for three days in a row now, knowing that this'll keep happening for the rest of the week and right this moment people are engaged in a bidding war over the truest home I've ever lived in and that I'm powerless to do anything about it since I'm broke as shit: Man why do I feel so bad right now

[moronic-validity]

Someone please fucking pray for me

[a-salty-alto]

I don't even get the point of Thunderbringer to be honest, like it's just the crew facing the consequences of their actions. Why is it this big sad dramatic moment it should be three minutes of Zeus rocking out while dancing on the crews corpses because they stabbed Odysseus.

[toastsnaffler]

sometimes I wish I was a more interesting + charismatic person just so I could keep conversations going bc I like sharing space with other ppl but they routinely lose all interest and leave once I run out of things to say/start talking abt things that don't concern them :-(

[noys-boise]

oh shit blood drawn tomorrow

[girlscience]

day 4 of headache. drugs make it lessen, but never stopped it completely. sleep hasn't helped either. period started today, shouldn't be for another week. changed birth control specifically to try and stop this from happening. just remembered that I used to get migraines before my period and now I'm wondering if these things are connected......

[seekingthestars]

sometimes i get the General Melancholies and i hate it a lot

[tokyo-daaaamn-ji-gang]

Shouldn't takemichi go to a hospital?

Nah he good

[homicidal-slvt]

Why are perfumed pads a thing? Why would I need my bleeding coochie to smell like flowers?

[lacefuneral]

my right eye is burning but i'm telling myself it's my OCD and not solar retinopathy

i'm very anxious as well because. originally i did not intend to go outside at all because i am ill. but my mom convinced me

so i wasn't prepared. i would have taken better precautions and do research

i don't have any spots in my vision, just the burning feeling and sensitivity to light. it's in the eye that was open when i was taking photographs (the other was closed)

i looked up with my phone screen blocking my vision, but maybe that was not enough. maybe light got around my phone

i didn't stare directly at it. i did have a few micro seconds where it appeared in my vision but not for sustained amount of time. and generally i was not outside that long

hopefully i just like. got some salt from my skin in my eye or something. but i'm really scared.

it's always one thing after another with me

[daz4i]

starting to notice a pattern with my bsd f/os