#I'm having a quarter-life crisis and about to leave for college in less than a week

[fortes-fortuna-iogurtum]

babes how are we supposed to handle it when two good friends get engaged and one informs me he's joined the military all within a few weeks of one another

[milkybonya]

☆彡beyond love

🎼 love as: you were so important to me that i can't define us as love_정이라고 하자

🎼 track 04 of the 낭만 (NANGMAN) -- do you believe in romance? series

🎼 some might call your relationship with Seungmin friends to lovers, but Seungmin believes what you had and have is way past the confines of love

#: mostly angst, some suggestive content, a smidge of fluff, flashbacks, you and Seungmin are no longer together but he misses you

[💌: happy birthday, Kim Seungmin ! you have been my bias for just less than a year now, but i think i've grown a lot in loving you.. here is a fic for you with my other favourite song (tied with vancouver!) from big naughty's nangman ♡ i'm sorry to put you in an angsty scenario on your day... ily 멍멍아]

Seungmin closes his eyes to the sound of rain tapping his bedroom window. it takes him to a memory from years ago.

"we'll get wet!" you whined, tugging on the sleeve of Seungmin's oversized jacket.

the boy smiled at you in response, his eyes turning into crescents. you thought you could see little puppy ears on his head with how adorable he looked.

"no, y/n, it'll be fine. besides, we have to run this errand, anyway!" he told you, opening your umbrella and stepping out into the open air.

you ran out behind him but he fled, causing you to get wet as you chased after him in the rain. in the moment, you didn't care about your white shoes staining as you trudged through puddles and mud to reach your boyfriend.

"you made it," he said, panting when you caught up to him.

"idiot," you mumbled, pinching his cheek before kissing it.

he held the umbrella over your head as he reached for your hand.

the rain starts hitting the windows so hard that Seungmin scrambles up to close them. he likes keeping them open because the sound makes him think of you, but when it pours too hard, he can't risk your side of the bed getting wet.

yes, even if you're no longer together, Seungmin still finds himself thinking of you like this. it's not his fault when you're pretty much the reason for his entire existence.

he met you when he was just a high schooler, still young and unsure of himself. with you, he made plans to take the world on head-first. even throughout college, no matter what came your way, the two of you could withstand it all as long as you were together.

somewhere along the friendship you formed, feelings had grown. at first, it was hard to tell if it was romantic or platonic, but soon enough, the two of you found yourselves falling asleep in each other's arms each night, bare chests pressing against each other and Seungmin leaving delicate kisses along your collarbones.

it wasn't friends with benefits either, not when the cuddling would go on for hours on end. you could stare into Seungmin's eyes for eternity, running your fingers through his hair as he spoke softly about what was on his mind.

the two of you were friends, lovers, and everything inbetween. you shared your lowest and highest moments together. in all honesty, you are the reason Seungmin believes in soulmates. yes, present tense believes, because even if you're not together, Seungmin believes he was destined to meet you.

a handful of years into and after college, your relationship with Seungmin felt like it was holding you back. it was too comfortable, too routine, too normal. you started to wonder if there was anything more to life than the four walls of the apartment that you shared with the love of your life.

ah, yes. the quarter-life crisis.

you left Seungmin in search of yourself. growing up with him, ending your teens and starting your twenties with him meant that he molded your identity and vice versa. now, you wanted to see who you could be without anyone's influence.

you were happy when you left. you were happy when you said goodbye, packed your bags and told Seungmin it was over. how could he hold you back?

he let you go... but he doesn't regret it. knowing how happy you were and are, he would never regret it. he just misses you to death.

a sigh escapes his lips as he stirs his hot americano.

a hot americano.

a drink Seungmin would only get when he wants to torture himself. according to him, americanos should always be iced. to have it hot it to wage war against yourself.

"i miss them," he mumbles.

Felix, his friend who sits across him at their table in a café, echoes Seungmin's sigh.

"it's been ten years, Seungmin. it's time to move on," Felix says.

Seungmin shakes his head.

"i close my eyes and i can still see their face... like just inches from mine as if we're about to kiss--"

Felix's face crumples up as he physically cringes.

"every time it's quiet, i just hear their laughter."

"if you miss them so bad, just reach out to them," Felix says, taking a sip of his own drink before staring out the window on his left.

he's having his main character moment after speaking, as if he just said something grand.

"i can't do that. y/n left me for a reason. they'll reach out to me first if they ever want to," Seungmin replies, in a dreamlike state.

he almost misses his mouth taking a sip of the drink in front of him, his moisturized lips leaving a mark on the chipped rim of the white mug.

Felix runs his fingers through his blonde hair, slowly getting fed up of his friend.

"i don't want to be mean but... it's either you do something about this, or stop complaining," Felix says.

Seungmin isn't hurt; he nods along, lips pressed together and glossy eyes blinking. he knows Felix is right.

"you're right... i still just wish, wait, and hope for them to contact me. i think even if they're on the other side of the world right now, i'd race over to meet them if they asked," Seungmin declares.

"you're crazy," Felix laughs.

"maybe... but we made a promise."

"oh? what promise?"

"a promise that we'd be forever. i know they'll keep it. i know they'll come back to me some day."

but the days keep passing and Seungmin loses hope that you'll ever find your way back to him. he realizes he misses you for the same reason you wanted to leave him: the safety, security, and comfort.

could any of that even be called love? a relationship formed out of a strange, lifelong bond that glues two people together but can feel a little suffocating if not handled properly... this was just beyond love, right?

whether or not the two of you were soulmates, and whether or not you made a promise, Seungmin finally decides on something as he throws his teddy bear onto 'your side' of the bed.

what the two of you had wasn't love. it was beyond that. and now it's time to move on.