gurt | college student, hopeful future academic | icon commissioned from @harpidiem
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We looked inside some of the posts by fortes-fortuna-iogurtum and here's what we found interesting.
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17
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possibly odd question I have for you all this afternoon:
is it possible to lose emotional intelligence when once you had it?
I ask because I used to feel like I understood people's feelings, motivations, reactions, etc. pretty well, and I definitely had a better grasp of my own, but lately it feels like they're a complete mystery to me, and I'm flying blind on this stuff most of the time.
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So adorable 😭🥹
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how to say "I love you" in x-files [195/?] ⤷ 4.02 — “Home”
#lol ‘a spotless generic makeup and a high tolerance for being second-guessed’ apparently that’s what I need to find too :P#apparently I have just become scully since I’ve been away at university#the x files#gifsets#x files
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#hey friends#check-in time:#summer is going. I am working. struggling a lot with discouragement and what feels like extreme burnout from the last two years#of school.#I would appreciate prayer. peace and knowledge of God's presence is always something that I long for.#miss you all#also trying to process so many things that happened last year and that I need to figure out a way to get out of my system (one of which#being feelings for the boy I wrote about here on occasion)#love you all. <3
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“Tis better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all” is stupid because it’s true about general love but people use it to refer to romantic love and I Do Not believe that At All
#ACTUALLY my friend told me this about another mutual friend who graduated and no longer goes to our school but who I was missing#deeply last year#and she didn't even know that I had sorta half caught feelings for him at the time she said it. so. there's THAT.
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The homunculus is considering moving out. I'm worried he's going to take the pipe organ.
#just thinking about Augustine and the homunculus that supposedly lives in our brain and retrieves the memories for us#Wonder how he would’ve felt about the implication there was a pipe organ in his mind… given his thoughts on music/art/fiction etc
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I work in an art gallery with some amazing works by Vincent Van Gogh, and I keep find myself defending his honor. People frustrate me to no end.
Some people look at his artwork, which is full of immense love for the world, and go, "Oh, how sad. He was crazy. Isn't this painting SAD?" And, it's one of the most joyful paintings on earth.
The worst people are those who mock his artwork because he was "crazy". Upon looking at a beautiful, delicate, loving, and meditative artwork, a father nudged his son. "Isn't this the crazy guy who cut off his own ear?" The son laughed. "That's disgusting," the son said, and they laughed together.
Vincent Van Gogh wanted to be a priest. He felt God's love in everything and everyone. The priesthood didn't work out, but nevertheless Vincent especially felt God's love in the unloved. He painted every breeze in the air, and the veins in the unnoticed laborer's hands.
I don't think Van Gogh's swirling spirals are crazy. I think they're meditations on God's love, breathed through all Creation. To me, these paintings are a prayer.
#we had an author come give a talk at my school for one of the programs I’m in#and basically his whole talk was ‘people like to laugh and make fun of Van Gogh bc he was crazy but actually that’s incredibly inappropriat#especially if you’re a Christian. Because knowing someone through their suffering is the most intimate way you can know them.#and absolutely no one has the right to make light of another’s pain.’#it hit me really hard and I won’t forget it. very thankful for that author and his talk. I know half the people in that room didn’t take it#seriously but it sure mattered to me.#art history#art#van gogh
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does everyone have a teacher that they still have beef with/ hold a grudge against today??
#trying really hard not to be salty about it but#yeah. trying not to hold a grudge against the prof who gave me a D in a class last semester bc the final paper was late#after I reached out to him repeatedly to check in and apologize for it being late and received no contact#like I get that the man has a life a job a family everything#but I kept asking for help and he kept not being in his office or not getting back to my emails#it was kind of a nightmare scenario the entire time for me tbh#because I was terrified of taking the class and I went ahead with it anyway and did well! up until the very end when everything in my whole#life fell apart all at once :')#trying to figure out what to do about that lol hoping the registrar will let me swap another class for the grade#(the problem is that like. I don't dislike the prof. and he and his wife are both advisors of mine. so I don't want to get on their bad#sides. and I don't want to upset them bc they've both been generous and kind with their time for me.)#trying not to just guilt trip myself and tell myself I'm a horrible terrible no-good rotten person for having such a rough year#and getting such rough grades on things#*sigh*
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The most terrifying part of having memory issues is when you can feel something from 5 seconds ago be thrown out the window and there's an empty hole where it once was. You remember that you forgot something.
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There is a real physiological aspect to things like anxiety and depression, and to ignore that and suggest that simply believing in Christ is a guarantee to make those problems go away is a form of prosperity gospel.
#trying to keep reminding myself these things after the last year at school#because whoooo boy was it a rough one all in all :')#and then my mentor (theology prof's wife who I asked to mentor me) said 'no anxiety is not a sin.' and it was something I really#needed to hear (even tho I wanted to argue with her anyway lol :'))#mental health#anxiety#depression#christianity#do want to learn how to manage things better tho. don't want to feel like a victim forever and want to be able to love the people#in my life well rather than struggling between loving them and keeping myself sane
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#hi friends. home for the summer. struggling a bit with all the things inside and outside. trying to figure out where my deep care for#everyone else turned into self-obsession. constantly looking inside myself and whining about everything. trying to fix whatever was wrong#with me just became fear and self-focus.#need to calm down and have some hard conversations but tbh. i don't want to.#pray for me when you think of it please. my brain just feels so worn out and my emotions are scrambled all the time and i'm constantly#tired. and there's always a lot to do.#delete later
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#this feels accurate#also gallifrey for me in many ways lol#desperately wishing characters like brax got a decent character arc...#also feel similarly about river song in doctor who proper#storytelling#writing
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btw, finished Lockwood and Co. #2. I'm honestly struggling a bit to get into the series (which makes me sad, because I have this sense that I would really enjoy it if I had the mood or brain space to really focus on it like I'd like to), but I think it's starting to click a bit more now.
#took me a bit to warm up to lockwood ngl#but I think I'm warming up to the characters as they warm up to one another a bit more#my ability to read and connect with characters feels kind of shot lately tho :') which may be connected to or at least parallel#to the fact that it feels like I'm struggling to connect with people as a whole...#currently on vacation visiting family members this week but I brought book 3 with me so I'll probably start it today#gurt says stuff#lockwood and co reading thoughts
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#keep wondering why I picked the major I did#why didn't I pick another major??? why didn't I pick history instead of english#every time I start to feel like I'm really liking my major and feeling settled and at peace with it... I just kind of fall apart and start#questioning everything again :P#blehhckckk#anyway I should actually spend some time with the catalogue now and try to figure out what classes I want to take in the fall#even though I'm kind of exhausted all-around and don't want to think about anything right now#much less going back to school and taking more classes#I'm so worn out tbh#I just feel so tired all the time and trying to talk to people is exhausting#gurt says stuff
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what are you wearing rn and is it representative of your style
#grey jersey knit lounge pants (way too big on me but very comfy) and blue and white printed t-shirt#yeah this is basically how I dress all the time when I'm not at school lol
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#a very specific college-student-at-home-over-the-summer experience that I am having right now is trying to figure out which#of my friends from school to reach out to and chat with and which ones are probably best left alone#because some of them I'd like to shoot off a text to and ask how their summer is going so far and see what they're up to#you get kind of used to seeing the same people multiple times a week#and then suddenly they're not around and you're not hearing their thoughts anymore and it's weird#and you want to hear how their summer plans they talked about before the school year ended are going#but it's hard to know who would actually receive that well and *want* to chat with you about whatever they're doing now#and who is probably too busy/has actual friends in their area and doesn't need another friendship#or is busy and working/doing things with their family and doesn't really have emotional/mental/relational space for another person rn#it's a strange space of life to be in tbh
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