#I'm so happy for her THIS is the kind of mark the trial should leave on pop culture

[selective-yellow]

Good Morning to Amber Heard only

[bekandrew]

A Good Trans Medical Story

This morning I had surgery today for the phase 1/trial period/temporary version of the nerve stimulator bladder implant I'm supposed to be getting (and first of all, holy shit! A relatively minimally invasive and easily reversible trial period for implants!!!). I'm decades younger than the usual patient that needs this, but I had sepsis earlier this year and it fucked up a lot of things, including leaving me walking with a cane. It should be noted that I'm transmasc and I live in Mississippi. Even though the doctor I was seeing wasn't in a religious hospital when I saw him for appointments, he had surgical space at one of the religious hospitals - and his people had marked me as Male in my records. Even when I had to clarify with the receptionist at the Mississippi religious hospital that I was trans because it was potentially relevant to the surgery, she was kind and happy to help me, and even went out of her way to ask a supervisor how to enter the information properly so it wouldn't get messed up. It should be further noted that the surgery had nothing to do with transitioning in the slightest, I was just a person who happened to be trans seeking healthcare. Even the original sepsis had nothing inherently to do with my transness, really, just poverty and being brushed off as "med-seeking" until I was obviously and visibly dying. The surgical nurse was polite when asking whether I still had the equipment needed for pregnancy to determine whether I needed the routine pre-procedure pregnancy test. No one gawked or made a big deal about anything. There was only one person who misgendered me, but I don't remember how long they were actually in the room, and I don't know whether they even saw anything other than my long hair. So I don't know for sure whether it was malicious and will choose to believe it was accidental because the rest of the experience went well. Beyond that, when I was (as usual) a difficult stick for the IV - I probably have some scar tissue in places from the sheer number of times I've been hospitalized or needed ER trips - the nurse tried only a couple short times before reaching for the lidocaine and using what would be a normally painful spot in the wrist. he got a great, painless IV line in only one more try and I wish hospitals would just do that sort of thing with me from now on. 11/10.

The surgery itself was also significantly less painful than other surgeries I've had before, and they provided low-dose but still completely sufficient medication and recommendations for how much ibuprofen to take. My symptoms already seem to be getting better to the extent I hadn't realized quite how bad they were before and I'm very excited to get the full implant soon after the trial period is over. My quality of life is going to increase measurably.

[kpop---scenarios]

Sugar Daddy (1)

Pairing: Johnny Seo x Reader

Warnings: None yet..

Word Count: 1.8k

A/N: Let me know if you wanna be tagged!!

"I don't know about this." You say to Hwasa, tugging on her arm as she tries to walk into the club. 

Your dress is tight, and you feel overly uncomfortable in something so revealing and your heels, especially since you are not small. You are a bigger girl, with a stomach, thick thighs and curves. You have rolls when you sit down, and stretch marks radiating up your sides. You're not like the kind of girls who go to these clubs and it was severely affecting your confidence. 

"Ayn." She smiles. "I promise it'll all be okay. You don't have to do anything you don't want to do." 

With a sigh you nod your head and Hwasa takes your hand leading you inside the club. The music was loud, you could feel the bass thumping on your feet as you walked towards the bar. Your eyes wandered as you were being led by Hwasa. Rich looking men in suits that had become untucked, their sleeves rolled up and collars loosened. They made sure to show off their watches, flashing the expensive ones, not a care in the world here. Most of the men were surrounded by women, some looking quite cozy, but some looking rather uninterested in what their company had to say. 

As you sat down at the bar and ordered a glass of wine, your eyes continued to wander, especially over to a group of men who were by themselves. 

"Those guys rarely find anyone here." Hwasa says, leaning over to whisper in your ear. "They are a few of the most wealthy men and their tastes are very particular." She finishes, sitting back up to take a sip of her wine. 

Not even five minutes later a man approaches Hwasa, asking her if she wants to dance. She looks at you, making you roll your eyes. "Go." You laugh. 

"Are you sure?" She asks. 

"Get out of here, I'm fine." You assure her. 

She takes the man's hand, and heads out to the dance floor. You watch her as she laughs, her head thrown back, the man's eyes watching her intently and in awe. You can already tell he's smitten with her, and they just met. 

You turn back around, and take another sip of your drink, when you feel a warm presence behind you, someone pressing himself against you. You turn around slightly, and see a man with a smirk on his face. He backs up, looking at you and then down to his crotch which very clearly proved he had an election. 

"Want to take care of this for me?" He asks, tilting his head to the side. 

"No." You flat out say, going to turn yourself back around, when he grabs onto your arm, his grip tight as he squeezes your wrist. 

"C'mon sweetheart, don't be like that." He grunts, his eyes wide, motioning down to his crotch. 

"I said no." You yell, trying to shake him off your arm but he tightens his grip. 

You can see his face begin to go red as he begins to get angry at your refusal. You try to fight him off more but he won't let go. He raises his other hand as if he was going to slap you. You closed your eyes, bracing yourself for the impact but it never came, and suddenly your arm was free. You open one eye and see the man on the floor, with another man shaking his fist. 

"She said no, fucking respect that." The man yells, giving the man on the ground a swift kick to the ribs. 

"Are you okay?" He asks. 

"Um, yeah.. I'm fine. Thank you." You whisper. You go to turn back around, wanting to leave this place and never let Hwasa convince you to do anything ever again. 

"Would you like to join me at my table?" He asks, causing you to spin back around, mid sip of your cocktail. You try to swallow but slight choke as you nod your head yes  "Sure. I would love to." You sputter, trying to wipe the remnants of your drink from your chin. 

You grab your drinj and follow the man to a table, the table that Hwasa had said before was very particular. 

"Chanyeol this is.." he pauses, motioning to you to speak. 

"Ayn. L/N Ayn." You say with a smile. 

"I'm Park Chanyeol." He smiles, gently shaking your hand.

"And I'm Johnny Seo," He smiles. He eyes trail down your body before going back up to make eye contact.  

"Nice to meet you both." You smile, sitting down on the edge of the couch. Your eyes dart from Johnny to Chanyeol then back to Johnny, but his eyes haven't left you for a moment. You nervously take a sip of your drinj before turning your head and really look at him. 

Fuck, he's absolutely beautiful. His combed brown hair perfectly frames his face, his smile radiates through the entire club, and from what you can see from under his dress shirt, he had a nice body. As much as you tried to ignore it, the feeling that you didn't belong radiated through your body, filling your brain up with possible situations or words that could possibly be said to you. And it made you nervous. Johnny leans over, his lips hovering beside your ears. You can feel his hot breath radiating down your neck. "You are beautiful." He whispers. Your face immediately turns red and hot, a blush forming against your will. Before you can respond, Hwasa runs up to you, grabbing your wrist. "Ayn." She panics. "We have to go. Now!" She yells, yanking on your arm to pull you up. 

"Oh." You partially panic. You sort of toss your glass down and stand up, Johnny's eyes on you. "I'm sorry." You say to him before Hwasa pulls you harder. "Thank you." You mouth before turning your head to watch where you're going. 

A few minutes later you and Hwasa are outside and down the street from the club. You both stop, your hands on your hips as you both catch your breath. Running in heels is not an easy task for anyone. 

"What the hell?" You whine. "Did you see that fine ass man in there?" 

Hwasa laughs. "I'm sorry, Ayn. That guy I was dancing with, oh my god. He was fucking weird. Talking about going back to his mom's house, and how we can be loud because she's partially deaf. I needed to get out of there." 

Your mouth hangs open as Hwasa describes the man she had been flirting with. You burst out laughing at her misfortune, the roles finally having reversed on the two of you. 

"Now you know what I go through most of the time." You joke. You both begin walking back towards your apartment, linking arms as you keep a casual pace, talking and laughing, completely forgetting about Johnny, he was something that likely would have never happened for you anyways. He was a dream that would never have come true.  

**

The next day, you went about your day, the thought of Johnny never crossing your mind. You went to your classes, and after that you headed to your part time job at a Taco Truck. It was perfectly located on a very popular beach, and everyday the truck made a killing and you made minimum wage, which is partially why you had shown up at the club last night. You knew it was a club for sugar daddy's to meet potential sugar babies, and you had thought that maybe you'd meet someone to help you out while you got your masters in Child Psychology. But part of you was happy that things ended up the way that they did, you now wouldn't have to suffer any disappointment of him deciding you weren't worth it, and you didn't have to waste his time realizing he should have picked someone else, in the long run it worked out for both parties. 

With a smile you handed the last person their order, not even looking at the person next in line. You held your pencil and the small notepad you kept in front of you as you let out a big yawn. "Excuse me." You said, clearing your throat. "Welcome to Tacos, Tacos, Tacos, what can I get for you today?" You ask.

"Umm, three of your beef Tacos, and a chicken  Taco please." You hear. Your eyes squint as you try to place where you've heard that voice before. You write down the order, continuing to rack your brain on why it sounds so familiar. You look up and are face to face with Park Chanyeol. He smiles at you, recognizing you immediately. 

"Ayn!" He yells, holding his arms up. "You work here?" He asks. 

"Unfortunately." You laugh, scrunching your nose. 

"How much do I owe you?" He asks, grabbing his wallet. 

"$13.5." You announce. Chanyeol hands you a twenty, telling you to keep the change with a wink, which puts a smile on your face. "It'll be out soon." 

As Chanyeol steps away from the truck, he whips out his phone, dialing a number. You can only hear bits and pieces of the conversation, but you do catch the most important part. "She's here." He says. "That taco truck that we're both obsessed with." He laughs. "Yeah that one." You wave to him, hanging his bag out the window to let him know his order was ready. He hangs up his phone, grabbing his food and waving goodbye to you. 

An hour later, you're told you can go home for the day, and honestly you're relieved as fuck. You're tired, your feet hurt and you just want to go to sleep before you head back to campus tomorrow for another full day of classes and then another seven hours at the food truck. 

Wow your life was so exciting. 

** 

The next day you're walking through the psychology building, heading to your next class. You're on your phone texting Hwasa about how dumb your last professor was, when you hear someone clear their throat behind you. 

"You're a tough woman to track down." 

Your head shoots up as you swing your body around. You see Johnny standing there, a smile on his face. Your eyes trail down his body, his suit fitting perfectly to his body, making you want to cry, drool and cream all at the same time. 

"Why are you looking for me?" You ask, tilting your head to the side, making him laugh. 

"You left so quickly the other night. We never got a chance to talk, have a drink or anything." He says, walking closer towards you. 

"What do you want to talk to me about?" You ask. 

"I want you to be my baby." He grins. 

"Your baby?" You stutter. "Why me?" You ask. 

"Why not you?" He rebuttals. 

"Let's talk. Tonight." He says. 

"I work." You tell him. 

"Food truck?" He asks. 

You nod your head. 

"What time are you off? I'll pick you up." 

"9pm." You say. "But you don't.. " you trial off. 

"Perfect. See you then.. " he pauses with a grin. "Baby." 

[ellanainthetardis]

Who do you hate the most on Grey's Anatomy and why? Who do you miss the most and who do you love the most? I'm curious since you watch the show.

Loaded question :p First, let me tell you I loooooove this show. At this point, it’s the show I’ve watched the longest, since I was in high school and I love how they managed to reinvent themselves after a short walk in the dark around season 4/5 (in my humble opinion) so this will be probably longer than you bargained for and it might contain unpopular opinions.

Who do I hate the most and why?

My spontaneous answer to that will always be Arizona. I know a lot of people love her but... I will try to be clear. As an individual character, I don’t exactly mind her. She’s a badass woman, a kickass surgeon and she’s a kind soul. But her relationship with Callie made me hate her. From the start, let’s be clear, not just after the plane crash. I think Arizona is someone who never really had a to question her sexuality, she is very confident in her identity (which is great to see on TV and it’s as it should be really) but the way she behaves with Callie for instance... She never really respected the fact that she was bi and she was selfish, always so selfish. And she cheated on her. And Callie deserved better. My dislike for her roots from there, Callie - who I looooove so much - deserved someone who would love her without condition.

Now, though, I need to add a special mention for Jo. It started well with her. I liked her, I was rooting for her and Alex... But, then. Disaster. I understand she has had traumatic experiences in the past but it can’t always be used as excuses. And that’s what the show is doing. She’s automatically blameless because she has a traumatic past and... No. It doesn’t work that way. I will forever be pissed about her reaction after the DeLucas thing.

I might be biaised because I love Alex. What he did is in no way acceptable but from his perspective, one of the first things he tells Meredith is that he thought Delucas was attacking Jo. Jo was drunk, half naked, he was looming over her and he had her top in his hands if I’m not mistaken. Alex thought he was about to rape her. He went into protective mode over his girlfriend. So it doesn’t warrant beating someone up to a pulp because he’s innocent but if it had been real, everyone would have cheered at him.

Anyway, the thing is. Jo never really gives him a chance to explain himself. Jo spent weeks (months?) refusing to marry him without giving a proper explanation. The only moment she tells her secret is when she is scared of having to confess in a trial - so it’s not out of trust but out of fear. If she doesn’t trust Alex how can she pretend to love him? He was ready to go to jail for her. She wasn’t committed enough to trust him with her past.

So maybe she’s not there yet but the fact is, I love Alex and he deserves better. He wants a family life with kids and everything and Jo isn’t going to give him that any time soon.

And her character, as a whole, is very annoying right now? I’m not sure where they’re going with her but compared to the other interns... She’s not even that good? Edwards rocks. She should get more story time.

Who do you miss the most

Meredith who seems to have disappear from the show who bears her name? XD

More seriously, Christina. Christina was my fav from day 1. She’s brilliant and doesn’t apologize about it, she’s ambitious, she’s arrogant and flawed but oh so tough... Christina and Burke are one of my 3 OTP for this show (the others being April/Jackson and Mark/Lexie) (I don’t mind Owen but I’m not crazy about him, he’s a bit... entitled). I love her sooo much.

I miss Callie but I think Sarah was right to leave when she did. We have so many characters right now and they don’t all get enough time (Meredith). Callie would have been pushed to the sidelines.

I also miss Mark and Lexie but since the two of them had the best romance death on TV since Titanic, I will let that slide. I never mind people dying in stories/TV shows as long as it’s done right. And this one was done very right.

who do you love the most 

I love them all deep down. Currently:

Alex and Meredith are probably my fav because they’re the oldest. And I also love their current dynamic. I always saw them as brother and sister but lately I think that shifted and I think it could be a beautiful friends to more love story. They would never be each other’s great love (that was Izzie and Dereck I guess) but it doesn’t always have to be love at first sight for people to be happy and  in love. It would be a nice story to tell though I have little hope of it playing out that way.

I used to love Miranda but her character development (which is good) make me relate to her less so I’m less invested with her.

Richard, of course, but I’m not really a fan of Catherine and their relationship...

April who is my beautiful kick ass baby.

Jackson because I just love how calm he always is, how soft he alway speaks... He’s a rock of a man.

And Maggie who I wasn’t sure about at first but who I now love so much.

[cheerleader-and-the-burnout]

Your analysis is so perfect and I get so happy when I see you've written! :) I'm not the same anon that asked about season one JH but I'm wondering what you make of season 4 JH, particularly the last few episodes. With it being the last season before they get together, I never really knew what to think of their relationship. They weren't really friends necessarily but they didn't burn each other like they used to. But knowing what happens soon after I wonder how they felt at the time. Thoughts?

Aw, thank you! I love hearing from people who enjoy my nerdy ramblings.

That’s a really great question. Externally, from the perspective of the writing, I don’t quite know what to make of it. Much as I love JH coming to fruition, I still find the transition from JK breaking up in one episode, getting “engaged” in the next, to JH hooking up in the S5 premiere really clunky. It’s bad writing, almost on par with the dreaded S7/S8 transition (the only difference being that there was much more evidence in-universe pointing to a JH relationship than there was to a JH breakup). I can’t claim to know what happened exactly, but my best guess is that writers Jeff and Jackie Filgo were the main proponents of the JH relationship and, by the time they were made executive producers on the same level as the creators (which according to IMDB happened in Donna Dates a Kelso) most if not all of S4 had already been written leaving them without much room to properly transition from a JK to a JH relationship. But, like the S8 show runners, they did it anyway. Their saving grace is that there had already been a substantial amount of groundwork already laid for the JH pairing (both intentionally and coincidentally) that made their sudden relationship more believable. 

(Read more for JH friendship fluff)

In-universe, the JH relationship had been gradually building since S1 before finally coming to a head in S3. But after their aborted kiss in JBH, the JH romantic relationship just sort of falls by the wayside. What the writers reasons were for this at the time, I have no idea. It seems fair to argue, based on both Kitty’s insight and Hyde’s own behavior at the time (struggling to agree that he felt nothing and wistfully touching his lips), that Hyde had well and truly fallen for her, yet no direct reference to this is ever made. Instead, what we get are lots of little indirect references to it, all helped along by the actors’ performances and open to interpretation: not only does Kelso explicitly exclude him from their “double date” in Ice Shack, but Hyde smashes the egg Jackie is using to gauge Kelso’s parenting skills in The Trials of M. Kelso, he tricks Kelso into telling Jackie everything he’s ever lied to her about in Eric’s Naughty No-No, tries his level best to get them to start fighting again in Fez Dates Donna, and looks visibly disgusted at the prospect of them being together forever in Promise Ring. (I’ll have to properly gif the exact moment I’m thinking of later.) Again, all of these things are open to interpretation, and perfectly in keeping with his attitude towards the JK relationship in S2. In Hyde’s own words, he’s “just trying to prolong [Kelso’s] suffering” (Laurie Moves Out). But it’s the consistency with which he tries to make Kelso suffer solely in respect to his relationship with Jackie that stands out to me, and it was precisely that attitude that Kitty took in JBH to be evidence of his (deeply repressed) feelings for her. 

So, with that in mind, now let’s take a look at S4. 

For the most part, I think Hyde had pretty much reconciled himself to the reality of Jackie and Kelso after Promise Ring. He didn’t interfere as much in their relationship, and even took a few stabs at having one of his own in Hyde Gets the Girl and Third Wheel. But there are two key moments that stand out to me as fairly objective examples of… let’s say his “unchanged” feelings about her:

First is in Donna’s Story when Hyde tattles on Kelso (in an awfully up close and personal kind of way) for having lied to Jackie about about what he was borrowing the $50 for. So long as Kelso treats Jackie well, Hyde is able to keep a lid on whatever feelings he might suppressing. But there’s just something about Kelso taking advantage of her that Hyde seems to be fundamentally incapable of ignoring.  

The second is perhaps one of my favorite JH scenes in S4. In Jackie Says Cheese, when the news breaks that Jackie has to chose between continuing her relationship with Kelso and keeping her allowance, Hyde blithely retorts, “Wait, if you break up with Kelso, you’d be rich? Talk about your win-win”. Like I said before, Hyde has done a pretty good job thus far of not commenting on Jackie’s relationship, but that doesn’t mean he’s changed his mind about whether or not he thinks Kelso is good enough for her. And when he calls it a “win-win”, what he means is breaking up with Kelso would be a marked improvement on Jackie’s life roughly on par with inheriting a small fortune. 

But beyond that, you’re absolutely right–there’s something decidedly different about their rapport in S4 than what we’ve seen in earlier seasons. It’s not like they spend a ton of time together, but when they do, they’re at ease. They share a sense of humor. He approves of her burns, and she of his. He flirts with teases her. I would argue that they are friends, but that their friendship is fundamentally different that the ones they have with the others because of the romantic arc it’s predicated on. (Not even Eric and Donna got their start by kissing one another in the moonlight.) Hyde clearly still has a protective side when it comes to Jackie, and Jackie’s birthday gift to Hyde was a kiss on the cheek. (A kiss which, it should be mentioned, served no other purpose than to remind the audience that Kelso and Jackie are on the rocks–so who better to step in as an alternative should an alternative be needed?) All in all, whatever else might be going on between them in S4, it’s safe to say that they like each other in a way that they absolutely did not in S1. But looking at the series as a whole, that still leaves a gaping hole in the JH storyline. 

So. How does that figure into the last few episodes before they go canon*? 

If it does at all, the best interpretation I can come up with is this: 

Because of the risk he ran to his and Eric’s friendship in S1 (not to mention the abrupt/disappointing end to their kiss in S3) Hyde is determined to leave the ball in her court–

She wants to accept Kelso’s promise ring? Fine. 

She wants to dress like a milkmaid and sell cheese at the mall so they can keep dating? 

Fine. 

Oh now they’re engaged?! FIIIINE.  *passive-aggressively stuffs Kelso’s hubcaps full of dead fish*

Meanwhile, despite how much their relationship matured, Jackie and Kelso are once again nearing the end of their rope. Jackie is equally determined to prove that that safe and familiar relationship she chose over a rockier (but perhaps more fulfilling) relationship with Hyde is still, as she once put it, “how it’s supposed to be” (Prom Night). It’s a matter of pride for her, I think, and of fear. Neither of them is willing to admit the failed relationship, so she just doubles down on it. It’s the only outcome she’s prepared for. And speaking from experience, it’s hard to let go of the fairytale you’ve envisioned for yourself–even when you know it’s the wrong one. 

I hope that answered your question, Anon! Thank you for the ask!!

[existentialstatesofmind]

Moving In

Clare: clapped her hands together in glee. She'd always wanted one and Clare thought it would be okay now since their schedules differed enough that the puppy wouldn't be alone too much. "A puppy will be good company when one of us is home while the other is stuck at work. Plus we need practice taking care of someone together." Clare smiled at Drew. "I hope you always will. I'm glad I got a cuddler." She nuzzled against him and kissed his cheek. "Good because I kind of want to fill this house up. We've got enough love for several kids. I don't know how close together we'll have them though. I don't want to put my career on the back burner. I'll be a better mom if I can have both. Plus I'm not sure how easy it'll be for me to get pregnant each time." Clare knew she was lucky the doctor had never said she couldn't have kids considering the fact that she'd gone through chemo. But that was a number of years ago. "I am? Even in my businessy clothes?” Clare asked coyly. “Are you serious? I thought that was a soft opening! I'm always working but I should've tried to get off. I'm sorry Baby." Clare apologized. It had been so hard for her to concentrate on anything due to the lack of sleep. "Maybe I'll call my dad and see if I can get him to come with me for lunch on my next day off. We never do anything together and he's been kind of down since his latest divorce was finalized. Great! They're going to be so proud of you just like I am." Clare blushed when Drew agreed to get started on trying to have a baby during their honeymoon. She was happy he was excited about the possibility. Once Drew had removed her clothes, Clare lifted his shirt over his head. "So are you." She murmured laying down and running her fingers over his shoulder and arm muscles. "I never get tired of the view." Clare moaned softly as he continued to kiss her neck. "It's been too long since we left marks on each other." She hinted.

Drew: smiled as he heard Clare saying how happy she was to have a puppy and licked his lips. "If it's with you, I'm sure I'll love cuddling until the day I die." he assured knowing how much he liked their bodies pressed together. He listened as she mentioned wanting the house filled with kids and new he liked that idea. When she mentioned not knowing how easy it would be for her to get pregnant because of the chemo, he looked down at her. "Do you think we should try a few times before we get married or that you should see? I mean if you can't get pregnant, we can always adopt, it might take time but knowing sooner is better than having to wait until we're forty and finally have our adopted kid at fifty." he stated honestly. "You make everything look sexy." he smiled at her and kissed her head. "You look especially sexy in your business clothes thought. The tight clothing, hugging your body screaming for me to take it off you..." he trialed off and chuckled a bit when Clare mentioned his restaurant having a soft opening. "It was, but restaurants either have a soft opening or a grand opening both have 'Grand Opening' signs since it's the first time it opened regardless and it's ok. I had to work that day too and you would've been distracted." he stated and smiled at her. "If you do go in on your next day off, let me know I'll be in there working that way you won't have to pay." he assured and kissed her. As Drew kept kissing her, he listened to her not really commenting on what she said, but the minute he heard about them not leaving marks on each other, he left a mark on the top of her breast as his hand worked on undressing her. "Should I keep the marks in spots where no one can see?" he asked as he started to bite and nip at her stomach, then removed her bottoms. He knew he wanted to please her orally and flipped them over since they were on a couch, then moved her so she was sitting on his face. Slowly, he ran his tongue from the inside of her thigh to the other side completely ignoring her pussy. Not wanting to tease his girlfriend too much, he slid his tongue inside of her and gripped her hips a little.