#I'm so proud and happy for my coworker and I've been trying to figure out how to let him know how amazing I think he is

[laughingcatwrites]

As a reminder that good exists out there, a coworker recently confessed to me that he found out his child is questioning their identity (kid's gender redacted for this post). The kid is keeping it from him, so he can't say anything to them or show that he knows, but he's doing his best to get mentally prepared and educated so that he'll be ready whenever his kid does feel comfortable enough come to him.

For context, this guy is a big, bulky middle aged dude who loves sports and typical outdoor "manly" activities. As his coworker and friend, I know he's a kind and sweet teddy bear of a person, but his kid probably views him as a stern, authoritarian figure, the way most teenagers view their parents. His family lives in a conservative area, so I'm sure between that, their dad's looks and interests, and the fact that their dad is a Figure of Authority, the kid is worried that they won't be accepted.

But you know what? When he found out about his kid, the first thing he did was reach out to his closest queer friend and ask for resources for parents of questioning children. His biggest fears are that his kid will be bullied or discriminated against and won't feel comfortable enough to be themself. His second action was to find himself a mentor in another parent who went the same situation (kid coming out in a conservative town). The other person is preparing him for some of the struggles his kid may face and the fights he may need to take on as a parent to make sure his kid is safe and treated well.

Something I want to emphasize for people focused on language as the primary method of allyship is that when we spoke, he used some outdated terms and thoughts about gender and sexuality. That does not make him bad. These were the terms and thinking used about questioning teenagers when he was growing up and he never needed to learn more current ones. But now that he does have that need, he's throwing himself in head first because that's his kid and he's darn well going to make sure that his kid feels welcomed and has a safe place to be themselves even if they never come out to him.

[s1uttykitty]

Hi pretty kitty, your stranger is exhausted after a long day and doesn't have many words. I'd like to read your words <3

What do you enjoy doing in your free time?

When was the last time you felt really good, happy or excited about something?

Where do you feel your happiness in your body?

How do you show your care for others?

Who/m makes you feel good about yourself and why?

Are you proud of yourself?

-curiously, your mysterious stranger <3

(I haven't answered this yet but my pronouns are he/they)

Hi sweetheart,

I'm sorry you're so exhausted, but I'm so glad you still stopped in to leave me another message <3 I wish I could help take care of you, both in horny ways and not, though that shouldn't surprise you; you know how I am. I'm always happy to do the talking when I have prompts!

In my free time (which I feel like I haven't actually had in... a while) I love to do crafts like crochet and cross-stitch, read, watch my fixation shows, or when my social anxiety is low and the weather is nice, hike! The only problem with crafts, which I fucking looove to do, is my hands have been getting worse and I have to take breaks. Crochet is nowhere near as bad, but I have a couple cool projects I was cross-stitching that have been put on indefinite hold.

The last time I felt really good/happy/excited.... I'd say when I was on video call with my friend Quinn the other day! I've known them for a couple years now and have seen them but never heard their voice and definitely never had a video call, but it was so fucking nice. I'm uh... quite big on voices, especially of people I care a lot about, and I was blushing up a storm hearing them talk even before anything sexual came up! I just felt so at ease and relaxed and... happy <3 and yes, I melted even more when they started teasing me and hearing the phrase "use your words" did me in (as it does with the few people that have used it on me). Getting to see/hear their reactions to my reactions was gold.

Oooof... happiness in my body? That is a difficult one, which I'm sure you expected. It's a combination of self deprecation and consistent pain that make it hard, but if I had to choose I guess I'd say my tummy? I go back and forth on actually liking my tummy, but even when I don't, I know other people do and that helps. I also sometimes just sort of grab/knead my belly as something to hold onto, which brings me calm.

My care for others often comes in the form of cooking/baking or touch in person, or in the form of checking in via voice notes or texts if online. I worry a lot that I'm overbearing or annoying, so I get stuck in trying to back off and then worry I'm being too distant, but giving someone attention and servicing however I can is probably how I'd explain how I show my care. Feeling useful is how I feel like I'm helping other people.

My pup/partner and my friends, as well as you - and I mean that genuinely - make me feel better about myself. I really don't have many people irl, mostly coworkers and one fandom friend that happens to live just an hour away, but I don't find myself on the same level of interaction with them as I do with friends online (both horny friends and those I've met in fandom spaces and expanded the friendship from there). My few irl friends help me with smaller things, like complimenting my outfits/earrings and when I've tried dipping my toes back into makeup lately. But really it's my pup, the couple of mutuals/close friends I've met irl, a couple of mutuals I haven't visited but talk to nearly everyday, and you, who make me feel good and wanted and cared for and loved. I may not be good at understanding types of love and attraction unless explicitly spelled out, but I still feel it, intensely and cumulatively. <3

I... think I'm proud of myself. Sometimes I don't, but I am right now. I finished moving back in with family temporarily so that I can start to save money (even if they don't validate my transness), and I'm starting the process of figuring out where to relocate and where I might go with my career. I also am consistently staying alive, for which I'm both glad and proud considering my struggles (I've never made an attempt but I've had... habits in the past, and still have intrusive thoughts).

I myself am gonna fall asleep soon I think, I've had a long day with a range of emotional exhaustion thrown in. I've been feeling particularly lonely lately due to circumstances, but you are absolutely a part of what makes me feel better. I also gave myself an undercut tonight for Mental Health Reasons too lol

[thedreamwolf]

I was debating posting this over here, but it felt like it was worth talking about? And who knows, maybe writing it down will help me work through some of it in my own head. Curious to see if anyone else has any experience with stuff like this.

This is a post about grief. Specifically grief over fictional characters. D&D characters, in this case.

I know, I know. Up until today, fiction felt like a silly thing to get really upset over for me. It's not like it has real life consequences. It's not like this was someone I actually knew and have fond memories or spending time with, nobody who knew me or cared about me. The world continues on as if nothing happened. Nobody real died.

But I've had to take some time today to try to figure this out, because if this loss is not real, then why is it hitting with the same harshness as when I actually lost a pet? Something real, something I'd loved and cared for for years?

For context, I'm in a roleplay-heavy dungeons & dragons group with several good friends and my partner. We've been running it for over half a year nearly every week. It deals with some deep stuff. Lots about bonding through adversity, lots about corrupting influences that can warp and break a person, lots about finding the hope and the happiness even when the going gets tough. During last night's session, my and my partner's character found themselves deep in trouble that they've been heading towards for a little while now. And they died.

Do I think it was unfair? No, it was a reasonable and justified end to their arcs. Am I mad at the DM for letting it happen? No, he checked in with us a lot about what we were comfortable with and if this was okay, and for the story, it was. And he did everything he could to make it fair and give us closure. We knew this could happen, this sort of thing has happened before. Am I mad at the friends, the other players, who let this happen? No, not really – they had their own in-character reasons for doing what they did, and they stayed true to them.

Am I mad at myself for letting this happen? A little. Mostly I think about what I could have done differently. It kinda feels like I failed them. Even in giving them a life and a story to be proud of. But mostly I'm just sad.

I was fine when things were actually happening last night. I was so focused on giving them their closure, in finishing our their story. I was engaged in figuring out the next steps for the campaign. But then when I woke up, I broke. And since then, every little thing is setting off a new wave of grief. Like realizing that they'll never see another sunset as I was looking out the window. Or remembering the fun times we had playing them. I had to call out of work this morning because I was such a mess – obviously I couldn't explain exactly why to my boss and coworkers, other than that I'd had an emotional weekend and that me and my loved ones were all okay.

Even though this loss isn't real, it has still majorly affected me enough to impact my daily functioning. So, I'm trying to figure out what I'm actually grieving so I can work through it. Is it all the things they never got to accomplish? Is it the time spent discovering their story with my friends? Did I get too emotionally connected again? Am I actually mad that we couldn't find a different way to resolve things?

Whatever it is, my boyfriend and I are trying to process things as best we can, in our own ways. He's been very supportive and wonderful. I can tell that my group is all a bit shaken up by the loss, we've been chatting together a lot about it today. There are brighter things coming up next for the party. I'm mostly just trying to figure out some healthy coping mechanisms and get back to normal. And also to figure out why it's this strong so that I don't get like this again.

But boy is it weird talking about it and needing to make life concessions to deal with it when I'm so upset over something that isn't even real.

[cousticks]

Firstly, when you get this, you have to answer with 5 things you like about yourself, publicly. Then, send this ask to 10 of your favorite followers ✨ (no pressure though hydddrhy)

you're too sweet sol!!! tysm for sending this my way

I used to have to hop rides from people a lot, so when I got a car I swore I'd never charge anyone gas, no matter how often or how far I drove them, and an addition to that if any of my friends ever needed a ride I'd be happy to pick them up. Since I got a car, I've held myself to that pretty strong and I think that's kind of cool?

I don't write as much as I used to (trying to get back to it), but I like to think I'm a good writer! Its always been one of my proudest hobbies.

One of my newer coworkers the other day told me that, to her, I'm the most approachable person in the store. I've... never considered myself a very approachable person? But if I've made even one person feel more comfortable in a new environment I think I'm doing something right! It made my day

I like to think my music taste is pretty cool

I've been working really hard to figure out how to take better care of myself mentally & got myself out of a really stressful situation a couple months ago & I'm really proud of myself on the progress I've made at finding myself again =)

[seafoamchild]

december 3rd

chill day today. it was cold but the sun was shining. i got brunch with S and E and it was very cute, E brought her baby which was fun. it was nice to spend time with them. i've been feeling pretty social lately. last night was A & T's housewarming party, and their new house is definitely haunted - it was suspiciously cheap, and there are a bunch of creepy crawlspaces. it was fun to go over there and see everyone and play drinking games though. i felt loved. and on thursday my boss took all the girls out to dinner at this fancy tapas restaurant, and we ate tons of food and drank all these fancy cocktails and talked and laughed and it was honestly sooooo much fun. i love my work fam. i felt really loved that night.

a lot of things are going pretty well right now. i'm making enough money to be comfortable. i like all of my coworkers. they feel like my family. i'm good at my job which feels good. i'm getting faster at running which feels really good. i'm seeing my friends regularly. lora and i are still a roommate match made in heaven. luke and i are friends and it feels so comfortable.

it is so hard for me to make decisions about my future because i tend to make all my decisions based on how i am feeling in the moment. and i don't know how i am going to be feeling in three months, or a year. i have no idea. will i be sick of all of this? will i hate it here? will i still be content and not want to leave?

i have a job interview on thursday for some kind of logistics/admin job, but it's in costa rica. so i would move there. i'm trying to untangle how i really feel about this. the job itself is super whatever, but would it be a good way to get into the outdoor industry? do i really even want to be in the outdoor industry? would living in another country really make me happy, or do i just like the idea of it? am i just getting restless? i don't know. it could be a really cool opportunity, but i have to learn more about it. there are so many things i want to do here, too. i want to go see Disturbed on my birthday. i want to road trip to the Gorge and see the Dead this summer with my friends. it is so hard to figure out what to do. i'm trying to be content with the present but there is this omnipresent feeling that i should be searching for something else, doing something more, moving somewhere else. is that really me thinking that, or is it just me feeling like i should do those things? i don't know what will become of me. but i have to say i'm proud of myself for making it here. this year started off wonderfully, and then got really really bad, and now it seems to be ending on a good note again.

[castiel-left-his-mark-on-me]

Hi, Ary, very inactive ex-mutual(i think???) here. Good to see you thriving! ♥ It's been a while since I've dipped my head into cockles stuff. Could I perchance maybe ask uuuuum tf is going on??? lol I see Mish apparently confirmed he used to stay over at Jensen's in Van, and heard newbs were apparently freaking out about it and getting a bit messy, which I get that, business as usual. But I'm also seeing shit about spin-offs? And Jared getting in a twitter fight with Jensen, causing/resulting in stans to going feral and sending hate?? I know you're not as big a fan of Jar, but that's part of why I figured I'd ask you, you usually have a really level head about this kinda stuff. If you don't wanna answer publically, or at all, that's totally chill!

Hey, Rhi! We're still mutuals! Of course we're still mutuals! When I saw the notification of your ask, I was like "Hey! I haven't seen you in a while!" and my husband was like "???" and I said "Tumblr" and he said "Oh."

It was a wild time haha.

In any case, welcome back to the dumpster fire! We are obviously still a mess. So to catch you up, I guess I will start by summarizing both before and after the finale (not sure where you left off so this might be redundant for you) ... basically, it became obvious as the end of the show neared that Jensen was not on board with the plan for the finale; although Jared never stopped singing its praises.

We got confirmation of this during a zoom interview where Jensen said that he actually went into the writers room as well as called Kripke to basically voice how he didn't agree with the direction the final season was going, but he was shot down on all fronts. In another interview, he was asked "What would you tell your younger self going into this career?" And Jensen responded with: "I would tell myself to just keep your head down and do the work" meaning, "Don't try to change things because you can't." I also think that this whole situation is what he wrote "Let Me Be" about for his first Radio Company album, but that is just my own speculation. All of his reluctance, even though he always followed it up with "But I eventually saw the value in the script" or "I came around in the end" (which never sounded sincere, and I don't think he was really trying to sound sincere) made us all very nervous about what was to come for 15x20; and of course, when the last two episodes aired, we saw just how badly they fucked it up.

After the awful finale, the entire fandom became aware of the CW's heavy handed role in the thing, basically squeezing all the life out of SPN to shape it into a ramp from which Walker could launch itself. They not only erased all the love and joy and representation that Cas's love confession gave us, they also tore apart the things that made sense about the bond between Sam and Dean, making it really just about Sam-- and therefore Jared, which of course, Jared seemed to be fine with ... even though no one else was. Misha barely said anything during the finale, and a few of the other actors talked about the show ending in various posts, but Jared tweeted up a storm ... and Jensen? Jensen just sat in sexy-silent resentment of the whole thing. He didn't tweet, he didn't post, he didn't say a word once he no longer had to, and I think that's because he was already going full-steam-ahead on his plans for redemption.

Which brings us to Chaos Machine-- Jensen and Danneel's new production company that is being run by a queer creative director and has a mantra of inclusivity and representation woven throughout it's fabric; and apparently, the first story that Jensen wanted to tell through this new platform is the origin story of Sam and Dean's parents; so last week (?) he announced the upcoming production of "The Winchesters" -- the untold love story of John and Mary. Obviously, John is not the most likable character from the show, so the idea was met with a lot of resentment when it was first announced, but Jensen has gone on to say that he is excited to take on the task of telling the "true" story behind these characters-- the one that makes sense with the pre-established canon and doesn't reject it. So, given that, the idea is being mulled over with a bit more optimism from the fandom.

Who isn't being optimistic though?

Jared Padalecki.

When Jensen made this announcement on Twitter, many of his friends and coworkers congratulated him, but not Jared. Jared responded with a passive aggressive: "I'm happy for you, man, but I wish I didn't hear about it through Twitter." This of course, sent all the die-hard Jared fans into a tizzy and they immediately began asking him if he was serious (hoping it was just a joke-- we all hoped it was because there would be fallout no matter what one's opinion on Jared is). Instead of leaving it there though or just deleting that tweet, Jared went on to tweet some more, saying that he was being serious that he didn't know about the plans for the prequel, and that he was "gutted" that Sam apparenlty wouldn't be included (mind you, this a prequel to SPN... meaning BEFORE Sam and Dean were even born, so how could Sam be included? But Dean is apparently narrating this story so maybe Jared thought Sam should be helping to narrate it? I don't know). But Jared being Jared couldn't just leave that there, he then went on to tweet at Robbie Thompson who was announced as a writer for "The Winchesters" so then Jared went off on him too, calling him "Brutus" and a "coward" acting like Robbie betrayed him (speculation is-- Robbie refused to write for Walker, so Jared is pissed that he essentially chose Jensen over him). He did fairly quickly, remove that tweet attacking Robbie, but of course the damage was done at that point. And it truly only took his first tweet calling out Jensen for some people to be like "Jared-- that sucks if you didn't know but why are you saying any of this publicly?"

As you might know, Jared has had issues in the past with posting hurtful things on social media, and has even used it as a tool for attack before-- calling out customer service agents and public workers that he felt have wronged him, which is bad enough ... but for him to then do the same thing to his best friend of well over a decade? Many people who had once liked him or at least gave him the benefit of the doubt (I used to ...) stopped after this latest twitter tantrum.

However, some people have suspected for some time that J2 had a falling out either shortly before the finale or just after. Their public/social media interactions have seemed awkward, stilted or even non-existent in moments that they normally wouldn't be. In the past year, when Walker premiered, Jensen didn't say much about his friend's new venture other than a "Congrats. buddy" here and there. Later, we learned that Jensen refused to work on the show ... Jared said he make him do it, drag Jensen to the set "kicking and screaming" which made many fans quirk up an eyebrow because, why would Jensen put up a fight unless the two weren't as close as they used to be? And then Jensen moved his family to Colorado (either permanently or for an extended period at least) which is notable considering how he moved to Texas seemingly to be closer to Jared, even buying a house that was near his. All this was just speculation though; but it wasn't until Jared's tweet complaining about not knowing about the prequel that the theories behind them falling out, became less theory and more fact.

The day after his twitter tantrum, Jared tweeted again-- not retracting his statements or apologizing, but instead saying that he and Jensen "talked" and were "all good". Jensen then tweeted too, parroting this statement to some degree, which only made the whole thing even more sour in the mouths of the fans. The fact that Jared didn't apologize for his outburst and throwing his friend under the bus, and also the fact that Jensen-- Mr. Sexy Silence, Mr. Never Tweets, Mr. Tech-Ignorant-and-Proud, actually had to POST SOMETHING saying that he and Jared made up, it just screamed OPTICS. It was obviously the work of agents and PR firms and lots of people going "Look, if you two keep beefing, that will mean the death of both of your projects. Even more people will stop watching Walker, and this SPN prequel will never get picked up due to the scandal." So, the two "made nice" publicly to quell the chaos, but in my opinion, it's all too little too late. Jared started a storm that he can't contain now with a little tweet, and it seems like he knows that too because before he talked about him and Jensen making up, he asked that people "not send threats". He could have just as easily said that he shouldn't have made this a public issue and that he's sorry, but instead, he continued to play the victim and stoke the flames by alerting us all to the damage he's done.

Now, like I said before-- I used to give him the benefit of the doubt. I don't think he's an awful human or that he deserves to be attacked or anything, but he is an adult man with very poor judgment and an obvious selfish-streak a mile wide. He should know better, and he should have more respect for his so-called "friends" and "brothers" than to make them targets to public ridicule. I have a hard time believing that Jensen still sees Jared the way he used to, and I wouldn't blame him a bit for wanting to pull away-- especially when he's moving on to so many new and exciting things. Jared certainly deserves happiness just as much as anyone else, but he went on twitter and basically asked for a scandal, and he got one.

The question is now-- was there a motive behind it? Was just looking for a reason to bring his and Jensen's falling out to light-- while making himself looking like the victim in the process? Or did he genuinely not know about the prequel and just decided to go about "not knowing" in the most toxic and hurtful way he could manage?

In any case, that is the drama ... that is the J2 insanity in a rather lengthy nutshell ... that is the tea ... and I hope it all makes sense.

But the good news out of all of this is, Cockles is thriving-- they are happy and in love and Jensen calls Misha "Babe" and Misha misses waking up to see Jensen in the morning, and they are just as cute and wonderful as can be.

So, I will end that there. I am so glad to see you back, and I hope I answered all your questions in a way that made sense ... I tried anyway!

💖💖💖

[xxxforgetmenotzxxx]

Hi Leah! Just wanted to pop over to congratulate you on updating your gender/name. It's tough to revaluate sexuality/gender after you thought you had it figured out (I've been there), and I'm glad you were able to come to a conclusion that makes you feel good and at peace. Proud of you :)

Thank you Eli that means so much 🥺. I’ve honestly been worried because I’ve went through this cycle for a few years, and just worried about others reaction. Quarantine has been a great place for rediscover and therapy has been a blessing. I always kinda struggled with why I went back and forth with it, and started trying to look into my past, and realize that it’s truths and I’m happy that so far here and on other social media’s it’s been going smoothly. For the first time in my life, I don’t feel like I’m trapped one way or another, especially in hindsight over the past while.

If something doesn’t feel 100%, there’s a good reason for it and trust the brain.

Also I’m so glad to see you I hope you’re doing well and I hope your coworkers are still treating you well babes!

[super-kristuff]

Daily Doodle - AniME

I'm typically against self portraits because they make me super self conscious. I'm also been super paranoid lately about my students or coworkers finding any of my social media accounts, so plastering a giant picture that is somewhat recognizable also rubs me the wrong way.

Anyway, I'm also adverse to doing anything that is explicitly anime, so if you haven't caught the vibe yet, I'm really proud of this one because I'm breaking a lot of rules I've made for myself for no reason. (Except keeping all my accounts hidden obviously. That is a good rule. I would die if this blog gets found.)

But like specifically, I'm pretty sure self portraits are kind of an important step in the artistic journey. Like, back when I first started drawing, I actually tried to skip realism? I wanted to just draw cartoons and anime but not anime, and like, once I started drawing from reference and doing a few still-lifes, I would say I officially starting being an actual artist. And like, self-portraits are another one of those lines I've never really crossed until now, and even now, only conditionally. Like, I didn't really look at myself while drawing this, which, I am pretty sure is an important part of a self portrait. Honestly, I only decided to say it was me halfway through drawing it. Oh, I guess it is also missing my glasses. Yeah, very much a "self-portrait."

Idk. I also wanted to say some things about anime. I've been editing what I want to say for a while, and tbh, I need to go to bed. In short, I think I just have negative stereotypes about anime and video games and other things, that I am worried about being associated with me. Like, I feel weird even trying to defend myself because "I like anime for the plot" is itself a meme. But like, really, I think I need to realize I don't need to defend myself? Like, I can have hobbies, and why they bring me joy doesn't need to be written out and explained to other people.

And like, I really need to go to bed at this point, but I've been bottling up a lot of things lately because of my fear of work people finding this account, and I kind of feel like I need to vent. Mostly, I'm just worried about losing myself with where I am in life. Like, 99% of all of my social interactions are with my religious right wing coworkers or my family, and like, I feel like I need to wear a mask all the time. If my coworkers know too much about me, it would make work awkward in the least or get me fired in the worst. And my mom just sometimes wants to be angry and I feel my little brother needs supportive adult figures to offset that, but like, that means I really need to be positive whenever possible, and just with everything else, it's just so exhausting.

I'm way past my bedtime now, and I need to get sleep so I can grade papers and prepare classes and start everything all over again tomorrow, so anyway, enjoy the drawing. I'm really happy with it.

[awkward-uwu]

Heart Of The Sea Pt. 2

Previous//Next

Genre: Fluff

Pairing: Female reader x Woojin

Word count: 1.4k

After Chan leaves, Woojin finds himself watching the video over and over, there's something about this mermaid, he can't place it…

“There's no way…”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

You spend the rest of your day attempting to stand, using a chair in the room, which ends up being easier than you thought, legs aren't that bad!

You're eventually able to walk around the room without the chair with relative ease, you only trip and wobble a little bit!

You think Woojin would be happy to see you're walking so you decide to leave the room and show him.

You open the door and begin walking down a small hallway, you look around but don't see him anywhere.

You turn a corner only to walk face first into what feels like a wall and fall down to your butt, “Oh! Are you alright?! I wasn't expecting to see you walking around, I was just about to come check on you,”

You look up to see Woojin kneeling down with a worried expression on his face.

His face is close as he looks you over, too close, your heart speeds and you feel your face heat up ever so slightly.

A human shouldn't make you feel like this…

You end up just staring at him, and of course he notices, “You ok? Hello?” he waves a hand in front of your face and you blink out of your thoughts, you shake your head and smile.

He sighs and smiles softly, “Well that's good,” he stands up and reaches a hand down to help you up, which you hesitantly take, worried you'll fall again.

He pulls you up and you stumble a bit, but he catches you by holding both your arms.

You readjust yourself and he slowly releases your arms, once standing on your own you hold your arms to the side and smile brightly, proud of how well you're doing.

Woojin's heart skips a beat, your smile is beautiful.

He catches himself staring before you can notice, he clears his throat and reaches a hand out for you to hold, “I was making dinner, I was gonna see if you were up and wanted any,”

You gladly take his hand with a smile, he smiles back and leads you to the kitchen where there's a pot on the stove and two bowls nestled together next to it.

He pulls out a chair and helps you sit down before quickly moving over to the stove, you can't help but watch his every move as he fills the bowls with liquid and puts a spoon in each.

You quickly look away as he turns around and brings the bowls over to the table, he sets one in front of you and then sits down at the other side of the table, setting the second in front of himself.

Once sat he smiles, “I'm glad you're able to walk again, now we can eat together!”

You're not sure how but being around him makes you happy, really happy.

Normally humans scare you, either trying to catch you or worse, kill you, to show their friends.

But when you're in this form, humans are nice to you, they like you, no one is attacking you.

You decide at this moment you want to stay with Woojin, for a while at least, and that he can never, never, know what you really are.

You spend the evening listening to him talk, he talks about how he's a lifeguard at the beach about a half mile away from his home, and the man that was here earlier was a coworker.

He talks about his family, who lives a few hours inland, he seems to miss them very much, but he also explains how much he loves the ocean and has never regretted moving here.

After eating he shows you some of his favorite music, much of which you know already, being in a traveling pod you hear many concerts on the beach side, and other times parties or just people listening on the beach.

You being a mermaid can remember most any song you hear, and can most of the time you can sing it better.

He begins singing along with some of the songs and to your surprise he can sing, like, really sing, as good as some of the members of your pod.

You're amazed, you could listen to him all night if possible.

You begin signing along with him, your voices blend well, almost too well, after almost a full verse he notices and stops what he's doing and just listens to you sing.

He hasn't heard a more beautiful voice.

Once the song ends he turns the music off, “Now why would you keep something so beautiful hidden all day?” he asks as he sits down next to you.

You realize you had just been singing and stand up quickly, almost losing your balance, and immediately go to the room, Woojin stands up and reaches out, “Wait! I'm sorry! I didn't mean to make you uncomfortable…”

You shut the door and lay down on the bed, why did you do that?

You sit still for a second and wonder, why wouldn't you do that…?

Why haven't you spoken this whole time?

You have the ability to.

Were you scared?

It must be making Woojin uncomfortable…

You lay on the bed, in your thoughts for what feels like hours, until you hear a knock at the door.

You sit up quickly as you hear Woojin through the door, “Hey… I'm really sorry, I didn't mean t-” before he can finish his statement you're opening the door.

The two of you just stand there for a moment before he opens his mouth to say something, but you hold your hand up stopping him.

You take a deep breath before looking him in the eye, “I- I'm the one who should be sorry, I shouldn't have stayed silent, that wasn't fair to you… you who rescued me, fed me, gave me a safe place to stay… so please, don't apologize, you haven't done anything wrong,”

He stands speechless for a while, unsure of what to say, you take another deep breath, “I should go, I've taken up too much of your kindness,” you push past him, but before you can get too far he's grabbing your wrist, “Wait!”

He turns you around to face him, “You were hurt so bad you couldn't walk, and was suddenly in a strange house with a strange man, I understand you not talking. But I chose to bring you into my home, so please don't think you're in the wrong…”

You stand still for a second to think and then simply nod, Woojin smiles softly, “Now, please, at least stay the night, you need your rest after how beat up you were, I'll take you home tomorrow,”

You stand silently staring at the ground, “I… don't have a home… never really have, my p-... family, has always traveled from place to place, we were just passing through the area so I was out exploring when the storm hit. I don't remember where we were headed, and I'm sure they're long gone by now…”

“Oh, well, I'm sure they've realized you're gone, they have to be coming back for you,”

You shake your head, “I doubt it, we never went back for anything, or anyone,”

His eyebrows furrow in confusion, “That seems harsh, no family should leave another member behind, ever.”

You shake your head again, “they really aren't my family, more like friends who I grew up and traveled with, we never go back, for safety reasons, I know it sounds weird, but just believe me on this, ok?”

His lips press into a line, he sighs and nods, “Alright, but where will you go then?”

“I'm not sure yet…”

He nods again, “Well you can stay here until you figure that out, I definitely won't mind the company,” he smiles and guides you back into the room.

“Thank you…”

You lay down in the bed and Woojin opens the window to the side of the bed, he opens the door to leave the room, “I'll be on the couch if you need anything, don't be afraid to wake me,” you nod and smile.

As the door is about to shut you speak up, “Y/n…”

He stops and turns around towards you, “What?”

“My name, it's Y/n,”

He smiles, “Y/n, it's beautiful,”

Previous//Next

[splenderai]

What does it feel like being aro? Because I identify as demiromantic and lately I've been wondering if I'm just full aro. Like I've had crushes before and can imagine being in love but like actually being with someone??? Wouldn't know what to do or anything. Or am I just being paranoid because never in my 20+ years have I had a relationship?

Hello, anon ! This got very long (I apologize in advance !), so I'll be putting this under a read more.

It's... different.

You often feel alienated from everyone else. Everyone outside of the aro spectrum (alloromantics), whether they're straight, gay, bi, pan, or any other identity, experiences romantic attraction and can, on some level, relate to other alloromantics (the shared desire to fall in love, go on dates, maybe get married, etc.) That's not exactly the case for us aros. While some of us are okay with and can appreciate romance in theory, that's not true for all aros. Some have varying levels of repulsion towards romance. For me, I don't usually mind the idea of romantic relationships, but I'm repulsed by even the mere thought of being in one myself. I feel physically ill and uncomfortable at the thought of someone being interested in me in that way, and my mind completely blocks out the idea of me being in a romantic relationship with all the fixings. It's a complicated relationship with romance. While I can enthusiastically talk about, say, a couple in a series I'm watching and share that excitement with another fan, or I can feel real joy about a friend getting into a relationship and listen with interest about what that relationship is like, I can also be really repulsed with certain discussions of romance and struggle to understand certain kinds of relationships that are just not logical to me (like people who date who aren't friends or people who say they fall in love after a week of knowing someone). Society also puts a huge emphasis on romance and makes it seem like such an enormous and important part of your life. People around you are always talking about it starting from a young age. Television shows, movies, and other types of media are oversaturated with romantic plotlines. (As a result, representation for us in mainstream media is practically non-existent.) Romantic relationships are even placed on a pedestal and viewed by some as being more valuable and just overall better than platonic ones. None of it makes sense, and you feel a real disconnect from all these ideas and feelings that are just natural and commonplace to just about everyone around you.

It's tiring. Amatonormativity also leads to a lot of negativity and ridicule directed at single individuals. You're seen as immature if you've never dated before, and even in middle and high school kids will make fun of you if you've never had a significant other. If you're not married by the age of 35, people will assume you're undesirable, have a terrible personality, or something else of the sort. It's always assumed that there is a problem with you. A person who wants to live on your own with a pet makes you the Crazy Cat Lady who is someone you should avoid or never become yourself. When you try to tell others that you don't experience romantic attraction, they might say you sound ridiculous, that you just haven't found the right person yet (or worse, they might even see it as a challenge and try to pursue a relationship with you), that (especially if you're cis aroace or cis aro and heterosexual) you're just making it up so that you can feel special and weasel your way into the lgbtq+ community where you don't belong.

It's scary sometimes. Society tries to hammer into you (starting from a very young age) the idea that you're meant to find the love of your life with whom you'll spend the rest of your days. You'll have your 2.4 kids and spouse by your side, so you won't die alone. It's almost like there's this guidebook for the future, and yet you find yourself flipping through the pages trying to find the chapter or even just a footnote about people like us and what we can expect. Society tells us we'll be forever alone. Yeah, you have your friends, but they're likely alloromantics and at some point they'll be too tied up with their nuclear families or romantic partner(s) to fill that lonely void you'll have. Society doesn't have a positive outlook for people like us, so we have to forge our own paths.

There's usually a lot of inner struggle involved. Because of society's emphasis on romance and amatonormativity, there can be some internalized arophobia that some of us struggle with. Plus, a lot of us don't learn about aspec identities until later on in life, so we've spent many hours, days, even years distraught because we were under the impression that there must have been something wrong with us. I only found out about aromanticism and asexuality when I was in university, so I had my fair share of years where I just couldn't understand why I was so different from my friends, the people on TV, and all the others around me. I know some aros who would have panic attacks because they thought that they'd inevitably have to get into a relationship, have kids, and so on because they were led to believe that there was no alternative or that it'd be even scarier to live alone for the rest of their lives. A few of my aro friends and I (and I would think a lot of other aros) have talked about how we're all almost always going through these bouts where we doubt whether or not we're actually aro. It's really hard to know if you're outright lacking romantic attraction or if those people are right and you're just a late bloomer or haven't found the right person yet. Like I could be demiromantic ? I can't really be sure, so there are times where I think I'm feeling something, and I have a crisis because it could be romantic attraction ? Or maybe it's just indigestion ?  I've also gone 20+ years without being in a relationship, so I can understand your concern there. Unfortunately, there is no easy answer.

It's a lot.

But it's also really liberating and something that a lot of us are very proud of.

When you're able to climb past the internalized arophobia and learn that you can absolutely live a very fulfilling and happy life without being in a romantic relationship, you really start to see life through a new lens and have a much more positive outlook on the future. There is nothing wrong with wanting to live alone, with a pet, with a close friend or friends (this is especially important !!! it's often looked down upon and people will insist that there must be something going on between two friends living together but that doesn't have to be the case !!!). All of these are options available to you. You're never truly alone, either. A lot of us have really great relationships with our friends and family (blood or found), in part because we don't put romantic relationships on a pedestal and tend to spend more time with them since we're just not involved in romance. There are interest groups out there (both locally and long distance like on the internet) that you can join to meet new people and do or talk about something you really enjoy (ex. a dnd group that meets weekly). Maybe even get to know your coworkers ! In most cases, you see them eight hours a week, five days a week, and it can be nice learning about these familiar faces (some of my closest friends have been current or former coworkers). There are communal housing initiatives out there where you can have your own space, but you are also surrounded by neighbors (similar to dorm life in university). You want kids but don't want to have a romantic partner or spouse ? You can adopt and coparent with a close friend ! There are so many possibilities out there, and I hope that one day they will become more accepted and even commonplace in society.

It's a lot to consider, and these are only my own experiences and those of my friends and others that I've read about over the years. The best way to figure out whether or not you're aro is to talk to other aros, read the accounts of other aros to see what their own concerns, experiences, and thoughts are on their own identity, and read through some helpful resources on aromanticism ! This blog is a really nice place to start, and this is also a really great resource (that I found on the aforementioned blog). If you're still unsure, that's totally valid and understandable ! If you feel more comfortable using the aromantic label in the meantime, that's absolutely okay, too ! Just like with sexuality, romantic attraction can be fluid, too. If the you today feels closer to aromantic than demiromantic, then you can identify as such. If you realize that you are demiromantic or even something else later on down the road, that's also okay ! You're just as valid either way. Remember that, anon. It's okay to be aro, it's okay to be arospec, and it's okay if that changes down the road. At the end of the day, you're you !